Twelve Red Lines

by Vikingr

I expected to die when I went into the water. Instead, I was rescued by a crew of people who I knew only as characters in a story. But what does it take to become worthy of being a Straw Hat? And why are so many little details not matching up to what I know?

23. Chorus

Chorus: in Greek drama, a group of people who sang and danced, commenting on the action of the play

gamelover41592: Thank you. And aye, it will... I may or may not have taken a bet with some friends about me having the ability to realistically write a fic where Luffy doesn't get a bounty until a certain point in the story. They said it was impossible; I said "Watch me."

Xipholynx: Thank you! ^_^ Although if you think this is getting intense, just wait. I'm just getting warmed up. *evil grin; wafts butterflies into the air* Fly, my pretties, fly!

Resisting the Borg: A combination of getting him too late and forgetting to take out surveillance systems. Jones did wonder why no guards seemed to be reacting despite the abundance of visual den-den in the casino.

Dragondancer81: *grins* Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it!

Draco Oblivion: Oh, at the point I'll eventually be giving the Straw Hats their bounties, the World Government will have no choice but to make them at least as high as in canon, first bounty or no. And yes, being tricked into funding a pirate crew is part of it.

Gerbilfriend: Thank you. And if you like the way my fight scenes flow, have I got a treat for you...

Avisian: Yeah, for poison. That's kinda obvious. But I ain't saying nothing about what Jonesie plans to do with it just yet.

Azurai Wolf: AYE!

Lightsbane1905: Yes, that he does. Or is Murphy a she? That could be even worse— scorn Miss Murphy long enough and Hell hath no fury like what your ass would be in for...

Partsu: Interesting is what I strive for; entertaining as well. As far as the rails go... I think I may be losing sight of them eventually amid this cloud of beautiful butterflies I have growing.

tylermech66: Nah, I think it's pretty obvious too. How I intend to use it, on the other hand... Sesehihihihihi! And thank you.

starelight: I don't speak Spanish either; those were just some random curses and insults I Googled. Thank you. ^_^ Although... Sorry, but I don't really update once a week. I update whenever I have a chapter ready, which so far has been anywhere from a week to a month. As for your second question... Sorry, but answering that would be spoilers.

EvilpuppyofDoom: Hmm... Actually, as far as Sanji's design, that's just an in-joke between me and Blue. She tried to draw a picture of my dad once, but with her art style, it came out looking like an older Sanji with a receding hairline. Sorry.

havarti2: *pats awkwardly* There, there? Why are you sobbing? I'm sorry...

FairyGirl960: What happens next? More fight scenes!

DragonBookAddict: The part of Crocodile's hook that's poisoned is the grey part in the core; the golden shell isn't. My Luffy is fine because he was stabbed when Crocodile still had the casing on his hook. When the casing came off, Sabo broke the hook before Crocodile hit anyone with it.

Insanity Lord: Indeed they did.

WaterStar45: Thank you very much. And yeah, it did.

rosewillow narusasufangirl: You know, I have no idea which one he'd be from. Although I think the insults I used were continental Spanish, so my version would probably be from Spain. As for romance in this fic... Sorry, but you'll have to wait and see. There will be some, but it won't be typical.

Yakumochin: I know you won't ever see this, but I'm sorry you feel that way. Thank you, and I wish you good luck as well.

Michi-Dae: You're not the first.

Sand-Whitch: Thank you. :) And yes, that was the reference I was going for, so wohoooo!

Sage McGavin: Ah. Thank you for the clarification. Wow... That sounds both hilarious and embarrassing.

Guest (August 14): Not sure you'll ever see this, given your comment, but I'm sorry. If you had continued though, you would've seen it get better. For all it starts with a bout of depression, this is a happy story.

The Keeper of Worlds: Indeed they do.

Redery: I know you won't end up reading this, but thank you very much. And I'm sorry you feel that way.

Gravityfunns and Person (who I suspect may be the same commenter; if not, I apologize): I choose to call Chopper's standard form Brain Point because when he uses a Rumble Ball and switches to Brain Point, it looks just like his standard form. My fic, my POV, my creative decision. Sorry.

Apperatus: Gambit? I'm afraid I don't understand. Why is your tin foil hat getting a workout?

Crisse de calice de tabarnak d'osti de sacrament de trouvvierge. How were we supposed to get to Alubarna fast enough if it was already under attack? Why was it already under attack, if we'd taken out Crocodile? Although the second question didn't matter as much. More important- we didn't have the dancing outfits, and I was just now remembering that they were important in motivating Scissors the crab. Yeah, Nami had cut her robes up and stuff to distract the casino guards, but the result wasn't nearly as sexy. Merde. I was an idiot, idiot, idiot. How-?

Accellegators. Robin rode one at some point in canon, right?

Running back to the hole in the wall of Rain Dinners, I jumped down into the gator room, landing with a splash. That instantly got the attention of every bananagator and accellegator in the place. As well as my crew mates- Nami stared over the edge in confusion as I stood facing the many, many giant aquatic reptiles. "Jones, what're you doing?!"

"Getting us a ride!" Although… How did I control one? Let's see… Alligators' upper jaws were so heavy they could be held closed by a human hand, so let's start there. When the first accellegator lunged at me- faster than the larger bananagators could hope to move- I jumped up out of the way. An instant later I came down on the gator's head. It thrashed around, but I held on, one hand on its eye ridges, the other on the banana on its nose. This only seemed to enrage the reptile more. I was right, at least- it didn't seem to be able to open its mouth when there was any sort of extra weight on it.

As the rest of the gators came close and tried to bite me, though, I realized another issue. Forget steering- how was I supposed to get a gator out? The hole was about five feet up. Then again, accellegators were pretty big, and I was fairly sure gators could climb. I seemed to remember reading a news article about it, at least. Okay then, steering was still the main problem. I yanked on the accelegator's nose banana; the great reptile swung its head to the side with a growl to lessen the pain. A second later, my mount swung its tail, the massive banana on the end smashing into the side of a bananagator's head, forcing the larger reptile aside. The bananagator responded with a chomp that set my mount to thrashing even harder.

I had bigger problems to worry about, though. On my end, a number of accellegators were approaching rapidly, drooling. The nearest growled as she came closer, her mouth cracking open like a damp, toothy cavern. Narrowing my eyes, I growled right back. A quick jump took me to the head of this newcomer; I grabbed her nose banana and yanked it around before shoving forwards. The accellegator grunted in pain and followed my direction towards the hole. It took her a minute to figure out how to climb out, but I shoved at her nose banana until she managed. I grinned triumphantly at my crew mates as my mount and I emerged onto the sand.

"We'll get to Alubarna faster if we ride these."

Sabo shook his head. "It's a good idea, Jones, but we can't all fit on that one gator."

"That won't be a problem," Ace pointed out. And indeed, the rest of the gators were figuring out how to climb out the hole in order to come after me, shoving their way through one by one. The freckled pirate grinned. "So Jones, how do you control one of those things?"

"With the banana." I patted my mount's nose banana as Nami, Zoro, Chopper, and Ruatha climbed onto her back. The bosun brought Crocodile with him, dragging the Warlord roughly aboard. "Make sure you pick one of the little ones with a nose banana and a tail banana- the bigger ones with just the head banana are a different species, much slower."

The emerging bananagators and accellegators spread out as they got clear of the hole in the wall, seeing fresh prey scattered around. This gave Ace the perfect opportunity as a particularly aggressive male went after him. Coming down hard on the gator's head, the freckled pirate held it still for a moment so Sabo, Luffy, Sanji, and Doya could climb aboard.

Chopper wrung his hooves. "Um… What about the other gators? Won't they go after the people here once we leave?"

"Don't think that'll be a problem," I responded, shoving forwards on my accellegator's nose banana and urging her forwards. She started running with a grunt- fast. Ace's gator followed, and not far behind… all the rest. Every accellegator and bananagator from Crocodile's menagerie was chasing us, drooling and snapping. Although I was pretty sure we'd lose the larger bananagators at some point; even this early in the chase, they seemed to be falling behind.

"YEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAW!" This was much easier than riding dinosaurs. I took my hat off and waved it around with my free hand, still urging the gator forward with the other. Behind me I heard someone sigh- not sure if it was Nami or Zoro. I stuck my tongue out without turning around to see.

"Hey, it works, doesn't it?"

No one answered me. A few minutes later, I felt sharp claws digging into my back as Ruatha climbed up to my shoulders. The little dragon added his voice to my own, letting out a trilling warble. "Moor~"

Sand flew to the sides, thrown up by the gators' claws. Man, accellegators were fast. It was like sitting on the hood of a small car while driving on the highway. I squinted against the wind, trying desperately to keep my eyes on where we were going. The occasional sand fly splattered on my glasses. Even so, I grinned. This was fun. Of course, grinning led to a mouthful of sand and dead insects, but I didn't care. I've had mouthfuls of worse thing; my Devil Fruit comes to mind.

"Punch it, Chewie!" I shoved harder on my accellegator's nose banana. She growled and started running even faster. A quick glance just behind me showed golden eyes glaring at me with the intent to murder. And probably eat.

I'd worry about that once we got to Alubarna.

We'd been racing along for about five minutes when I felt something clamp over my shin, like mousetrap lined with jagged ends of wire. Looking down, I saw a baby bananagator, no larger than a cat, gnawing on my leg with its tiny, conical teeth. A single-banana bananagator, not an accellegator. Ruatha hissed; I grabbed the baby bananagator by its banana, making it let go with a yelp.

There are getting to be far too many bananas in this section of the story.

"Someone hold this!" I shoved the baby bananagator backwards, into Nami's arms. She yelped and clamped a hand over its jaws to keep it from biting her.

"What?! Can't we just toss it?!" The sailing master held the little reptile away from her body, over the side of the accellegator. Chopper looked up at her with watery eyes.

"But he's so scared! We can't abandon him! Besides, with all the big ones behind us, he'll get crushed if you throw him off!" Chopper snatched the baby bananagator away from Nami and began stroking it, grunting and growling. The baby reptile chattered right back. Nami sighed and shook her head, choosing to ignore it. Instead she leaned forwards, staring out at the horizon over my shoulder.

"I don't suppose you know how far we have to go, do you Jones?"

I shrugged. "Something more than 50km. Not sure exactly, sorry."

Nami frowned. "And judging by the wind, we're going about 60 kilometers per hour, so we've probably got at least an hour before we get to Alubarna. Unless you know a way to make these things go even faster?" She patted our accellegator on the side of the neck. I shook my head.

"Nope. Not sure if there is a way, or if this is their top speed. Don't know how long they can run for either. But for as long as it lasts, it's better than running ourselves, right?"

"True, I guess."

Everyone looked at each other in silence for a few minutes. The gators continued to scramble across the desert as we did so, still flinging up sand to either side. It wasn't silent, but it was pretty quiet. After a few minutes, Sabo rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I guess I could continue the Haki lessons, if we've got time. Next up is Busoshoku Haki, the power of armaments. It can be used to reduce the damage you take from attacks, and also to nullify or bypass Devil Fruit abilities temporarily- like a Fist of Love."

Luffy bounced excitedly, and probably would've fallen off the accellegator if Sanji hadn't grabbed the back of his shirt. "I can do a Fist of Love!"

"I know…" Ace rubbed his head with one hand, shooting Sabo a reproachful look. "Are you sure you should be teaching them this? Should be teaching Lu this?"

"Ace." Sabo's expression suddenly became flat and serious. "Lu is my baby brother- I will not let him go wandering the seas without at least knowing about Haki. Doing so would be just asking someone from the New World to show up in Paradise and attack his crew. And plus," Here Sabo's face softened. And darkened; it actually looked like he was about to cry, although he was doing a pretty good job of holding it in. "I missed his childhood Ace. You were the one who was always there, the one who taught him everything- how to fight, how to survive. Not me. I was halfway around the world, unable to even remember I had a baby brother. Please Ace… Just let me have this."

There was a momentary pause. Then Ace sighed and grumbled, rolling his eyes. "You're even more of a manipulative bastard than you were when we were kids. Fine, have it your way."

"Thank you." All sign of tears was suddenly gone; Sabo beamed brightly, like a kid at Christmas. But there was something smug about it too. The Revolutionary took off one of his gloves and showed everyone his hand, then coated it with Haki and showed us again. "Now, there are two types of Busoshoku Haki. The regular stuff's invisible, just a light shield; this black stuff is called Armaments: Hardening. Personally, this is the one I find more useful- it's denser, better protection, and can be used to coat objects you're holding to give them the same strength and anti-Devil Fruit properties." Grabbing his pipe, Sabo coated it as a demonstration.

I looked over at Nami and Sanji, both of whom had notebooks out. "You two better take good notes- I can't this time. Gotta drive."

Sanji waved me off. "Yeah, yeah, don't worry about it Jones. Just leave it to us; you keep both hands on that shitty banana."

With that exchange out of the way, Sabo got back to his explanation. "Now, the main method of training here would be for me to hit you with something very hard and/or Devil Fruit-based until you were able to make it stop hurting. Before I get any further into other methods, though, I'm curious. Lu, how did you figure out how to do a Fist of Love?"

My captain shrugged. "Jones kept doing dumb stuff that almost got her killed, so I thought really hard about how much I care about her and want her to stop. Then I punched pillows while doing that until they exploded, and suddenly I could hit Jones through her powers. Then Ace did dumb stuff that hurt my crew, so I thought really hard about how much I love him and want him to like my friends, and I was able to hit him through his powers too. Haven't tried it on anyone else yet though."

"Only you, Luffy…" Sabo shook his head. "Well, I think that method only works on people you like, so we'll have to teach you properly if you wanna use it in a fight. Now, for those of you who like meditation, that can help here was well, but it's harder than with Kenbunshoku Haki. You have to learn to focus all your emotion, all your desire to win, all your willpower onto whatever part of you you're trying to coat…"

X

One not-so-brief Haki lecture later, we were approaching a bend in the Sandora River as it wound through the desert. Broad and swift flowing… But we were riding gators, so we'd probably be able to cross no problem. As we raced down to the river, I saw a large crab- as big as a transport truck- ambling across the sand. I raised a hand to wave. "Hi Scissors!"

The crab stumbled and froze, eyestalks swivelling around to stare at me with surprise. Ah, so it was the crab I thought it was. I was wondering. Chopper's ears twitched.

"He wants to know how you know his name." The reindeer wrinkled his nose. "But it's the same way as you know anything else, isn't it?"

I nodded. "If things had gone the way they were supposed to, Scissors would've been your ride."

Unlike giant desert crabs, accellegators had no problems with water. They didn't even pause before charging into the river, the fountain of sand they were shooting up being replaced by a sharply angled wake. And the gators that had been following all came too, a congregation that turned the river green. However, the gators clearly weren't that smart- if they were, the ones we were riding would've tried diving to get us to let go. Maybe even rolled and tried to eat us in turn. Instead, they just kept swimming in the direction we tugged their bananas.

Ripples danced in the water in front of us as we came up to the middle of the river. A wall of brown scales emerged with a great sucking splash; far above my head, sharp teeth dripped muddy water beneath dully shiny eyes. Sandora catfish. Chopper shrieked, hugging the baby bananagator we'd picked up tightly. The little gator was equally panicked, squirming and chirping. Nami gasped. On Ace's gator, Doya leapt up, barking and brandishing his curled flippers as he prepared to charge at the giant catfish…

Except a massive bananagator beat him to it. Pulling ahead of our accellegators with a couple swings of its huge tail, the larger reptile darted forwards and clamped massive jaws over one of the catfish's fins. The great fish writhed, screaming, before turning and sinking its own teeth into thick gator hide. That wasn't enough to save it. At a roar from their leader, the congregation of gators broke off from following us to attack the Sandora catfish as a group. Soon the air was filled with the sounds of chomping, ripping, growling… Instead of green, the river ran red. But at least their distraction with a meal of tasty catfish got most of the gators to stop following us. Bringing that many of them into Alubarna could've been bad.

A hissing whine sounded as my own accellegator tried to turn towards the carnage; off to the side, I could see Ace's doing the same. A quick squeeze and yank on their nose bananas brought them back in line though. They must be very sensitive.

As Chewie and Chomp- yes, those are their names now- climbed out onto the opposite bank, Doya jumped down onto the sand and began chattering. I pulled back on Chewie's nose banana, making her pause; Ace copied with Chomp. The little dugong sensei waved his flippers and barked loudly. Chopper cocked his head to the side, ears perking up.

"He says this is as far as he goes- he wants to go back and check on his apprentices, and he's not sure how much use an aquatic mammal would be in a burning city." Doya barked again; Chopper nodded. "He says they can pull the Going Merry around to a port closer to Alubarna though, if we like, so we don't have to walk across the desert again."

Luffy beamed. "Sure thing turtle-seal! And thanks!"

A mighty leap flowed into a heavy thud; Doya jumped up and smacked Luffy in the head with a loud bark. "Rawp!"

Chopper giggled. "He says he's a dugong, not a turtle-seal; they're different."

"Oh… Sorry." Luffy rubbed his head, looking sheepish.

Apparently mollified, Doya nodded once before diving into the river. One of the bananagators turned away from the Sandora catfish as the kung-fu dugong swam past, eyeing the small mammal with consideration. When it eventually did decide to attack though, a quick set of five heavy punches quickly deterred the giant reptile. "Rau-pu!"

With Doya clearly able to take care of himself, we continued on our way. It couldn't be far now- could it? I really wished I knew more about distances and travel times. At the end, when Ghin had panicked and hung up the snail… What happened to Johnny and Yosaku? Merde…

"When we get to Alubarna, we should split up," Zoro commented. When everyone looked at him, the bosun shrugged. "What? There's a lot of these Baroque Works guys, right? It'll be easier to find them if we all go different ways."

I said nothing, because I knew he was right. Nami looked like she wanted to say something, but realized the logic in what Zoro was saying. Sanji, however- he, like always, had a strong opinion about anything Zoro suggested. "Shitty Mossball… If we do that, you'll just get your sorry ass lost."

"Get over here and say that to my face, Shit Cook!" Zoro stood up and drew Yubashiri, nearly falling off Chewie's back with the motion. Sighing, Nami grabbed the swordsman by the back of his haramaki and pulled him back down.

"Now's not the time, you two. Sanji, quit antagonizing him!"

"Of course! Anything for you, Nami dear!" The cook's eyes turned to hearts as he began swaying like a noodle where he sat.

X

There had been no warning whatsoever. About half an hour after getting the last mole out of the Royal Army, several buildings in the market district had just erupted into blue and green flames. Chemical fires- Ghin remembered the smell from working with Krieg, although he wasn't sure what types of chemicals were involved. King Cobra immediately sent out the Royal Army to evacuate citizens from the area and control the fires, with Chaka investigating the cause of the conflagration. But as soon as the Army had moved out, a second set of colourful fires roared up in a poorer residential area. Within minutes the soldiers were spread thin, trying to suppress fires in more than a dozen locations around the city.

And there were other, non-fiery explosions too, the sort that were created by the shockwaves of something heavy dropping from a great height. Every once in a while there would be a flash of orange and yellow from above the buildings.

Ghin looked out at the burning city and frowned. He wasn't a chemist, but he knew that sometimes chemical fires couldn't be put out through ordinary means. He'd encountered enough of them when Krieg's arsenal had occasionally malfunctioned. The rigger frowned as he stared out over the city, leaning on the edge of the castle wall. "Usopp, Johnny, Yosaku- any idea what's making those fires turn colours? Will it make it harder for the soldiers to put them out?"

Usopp pulled his goggles down over his eyes for a better look. "Hmm… Sorry, I can't tell from here. It's pretty likely though."

"Would you be able to find out if you went closer?"

The gunner paused for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, if I can get closer and get some samples, maybe."

"And could you figure out how to put them out? Would you have stuff to do it?"

That question caused Usopp to snort with affront. "Of course! Once I figure out what caused the fire, something like that would be easy!"

Ghin nodded. "Then go. I don't like the look of those things; we'll probably need whatever you come up with."

Usopp hesitated for a moment. And Ghin understood why- he was the rigger, not the captain or bosun, or even the sailing master. He had no real authority except when suggesting a way to adjust the sails and lines. But none of the ranking officers were there, dammit! The older pirate growled at his young companion. "Do it, Usopp. Go!"

Squeaking, the gunner saluted and spun. "Aye-aye Ghin! Johnny, Yosaku, come on!"

Shaking their heads, the hunters pointed down towards the base of the castle wall. "Don't think that's a good idea, Bro," Yosaku observed.

Ghin looked down and frowned. There were… People. Not a whole lot- certainly not as many as he would've used to attack a castle- but still a fair few. And with the Royal Army spread thing throughout the city…

"Usopp, get going and figure out those fires. You'll have to do it alone; the rest of us need to keep these bozos out of the castle." After all, it didn't matter if your force was too small for a proper invasion if there was no one to keep you from just walking in. "Johnny, Yosaku, I hope you've finished modifying those spray guns of yours."

"I- Alright." Usopp was shaking as dashed off. Once he reached a place where the people below couldn't see him, the gunner looped a rope around the muzzle of a cannon and began rappelling down the wall. Ghin nodded in approval before focusing his attentions on the invaders below.

"Lisa, warn Vivi and her father."

Before the little girl could say or do anything, a soft voice coughed behind Ghin. Glancing back, the rigger came face to face with the princess. Vivi raised an eyebrow. "Warn us of what?"

"That the castle is about to come under assault." Pulling out his tonfa, Ghin gave them a quick spin to warm up.

Vivi glanced down at the people below. Her face went pale for a moment; she bit her lip. Then she nodded and reached into her pockets, her hands emerging adorned with long wires that ended in feather-shaped blades. "Then- then I'll fight with you."

"As you wish." Ghin turned back to Lisa. "In that case, I'll need a snail. I want to know what the others are doing and how long 'til they get here." She didn't need to know that he was mostly sending her to get her away from the fight. It wasn't like calling the others would get them there any faster.

"I'm on it!" The little girl saluted and took off into the castle. Ghin smiled and shook his head.

One of the people below, a tall man with sunglasses and a red trenchcoat, stared up at them while picking his nose. "That's all that's guarding the palace? A few ratty pirates and some little girls? I thought this was supposed to be a challenge."

A large man with close-cropped hair glowered at his companion. "Did you or did you not just watch the same snail footage I did? A few of these ratty pirates just took out Mr Zero in his own home. We need their heads if we want to salvage the plan and rescue him. Don't underestimate them."

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry about it Mr One. I got this." The man in the trenchcoat switched to picking his nose with his other hand for a minute. Then he flicked two large clumps of boogers at the base of the castle wall. "Nose Fancy Double Cannon!"

The boogers hit the wall with an anticlimactic splat- before exploding like someone had lit a keg of gunpowder. It made a massive dent- not quite a hole, but another blast would punch right through. Beneath Ghin's feet, stone shook. It was enough to set Johnny and Yosaku stumbling into each other. Ghin's ears rang from the noise.

Despite their stumbling, the hunters were quickly ready to return fire. They drew the new, more gun-shaped nozzles of their weapons, spinning some sort of new dial attachments before pulling the triggers.

"Acid Rain Cone 20!"

"Base Drops Cone 20!"

Cone-shaped sprays of faintly translucent liquid came out in a brief shower. They were clearer than when the hunters had first used them, not as gushing, with a far broader area of effect. When they hit, the people below hissed in irritation and took a few steps back. Raised red marks- not nearly as bad as the burns from last time- appeared on their victims' skin. The Baroque Works agents covered their eyes and took shelter under the overhang of a nearby shop roof for a moment.

Lisa ran up at that moment, panting heavily. She held a large, electric blue den-den mushi in her hand. "Here you are Ghin!"

"Than- aw shit." As Ghin was taking the snail, the dour man with close-cropped hair ran out from under the overhang. His arms had turned into some sort of spinning bladed drills, which he proceeded to slam into the already weakened wall.

"Spiral Hollow!"

Once again, the wall shook. Johnny and Yosaku fired their chemical sprays again, but the man below didn't seem to be affected this time. Devil Fruit- it had to have something to do with the Devil Fruit power he seemed to be using. And… aw shit, the guy with the exploding boogers was picking his nose again. Ghin dialed the only snail number he knew as quickly as his fingers would go. He motioned for Lisa to get her paints ready as he did so- it didn't look like he'd be able to keep her away from the fighting after all.

"Who is this and how did you get my number?" Jones sounded bitter, but unharmed. And from what the agents had said, her team had succeeded in taking out Crocodile, so they weren't exactly busy. Ghin rolled his eyes.

"Jones, I was there when you bought the damn thing."

"Oh." The snail in his hand looked vaguely sheepish. "What's up? You've never called me before."

"Never had access to a snail when we were separated before." Something that would have to change. Communication was important on large crews; everyone should have a den-den in case they needed to call each other. He'd have to see what he could do about talking Nami into releasing extra funds for that.

Ghin shook his head. He'd worry about that later. "We need you guys in Alubarna yesterday. The moles are out of both armies, but… About ten minutes ago, half the city started falling apart. People with weird powers running around everywhere, storage facilities and who knows what else blowing up or catching on fire… The Royal Army's doing their best to evacuate citizens, but they can't do that and fight at the same time." Another explosion rocked the wall as the booger man flicked another of his fancy nose cannons at it. But this time, he wasn't aiming to put a hole in the wall itself; he was blowing up a cannon that Lisa had been running towards. "I think we can hold them for a while, but it might be all we can do to keep them out of the palace."

Another explosion- and this one was aimed at neither wall nor cannon. Instead, this booger arched up and dropped between the feet of the hunters as they tried to target the booger man with their spray guns. "Shit! Johnny! Yosaku!"

Neither hunter heard Ghin's warning in time. Stone shattered as the mucus blew; a cloud of dust and stone shrapnel filled the air. Ghin was knocked backwards by the concussive force, dropping the snail. From somewhere in the cloud, he heard a ragged yell of pain. It sounded like Yosaku.

When the dust cleared enough for him to see- which only took a couple seconds, even if it felt like much longer, there was nothing but a crater where the hunters had stood. Johnny dangled from the far edge, one hand gripping the lip of the new crater. His other hand was wrapped around Yosaku's wrist, knuckles going white with the effort. Both hunters had an assortment of tiny cuts on their hands and faces from the stone shrapnel, their desert robes tattered and torn. Yosaku appeared to have gotten hit slightly worse; his eyes were spinning, and there was a small, steady stream of blood dripping from one of his temples despite the defense provided by his hitai-ate.

"Ergh!" Gritting his teeth and hauling with all his might, Johnny got himself and Yosaku back up onto the wall. Panting, the blue hunter knelt on pitted stone and flashed a brief grin and thumbs-up in Ghin's direction. "Don't worry, Big Bro! We'll be alright! You just keep an eye on Li'l Sis and her highness, yeah?"

"Got it." Ghin nodded. "You two be careful."

"Aren't we always?" Johnny asked with a cheeky grin.

"Not on your life!" Ghin shook his head with a wry smile. Despite his words, he was confident the hunters would be okay.

Since firing from above didn't seem to be doing much good, Johnny and Yosaku used the crater in the wall to climb down to ground level as soon as the latter was capable of seeing straight. Ghin couldn't help it- he watched to make sure they got down safely. His inattention cost him, though, as he learned after a few brief seconds of steel skittering against stone. The dour man whose arms could become drills had scrambled up the stone, using fingers that had changed into steel blades.

"Don't worry about others during a fight, unless you want to die in their place." Steel claws raked towards Ghin's head; he blocked with his tonfa just in time. The force behind the blow, though, was still enough to fire him sideways off the wall. Ghin crashed into a smaller building as he landed, hard enough to knock the wind out of him. He struggled to get it back as quickly as he could though; he needed it. As the bladed man who'd thrown him advanced along the wall, the Straw Hat rigger called out to one of his crew mates, so involved in her own battle preparations that she hadn't even noticed the explosions.

"LISA! VIVI! RUN!"

The little girl looked up from her paints, blinking in confusion. Vivi, at least, was paying more attention. Grabbing the painter, the princess took off along the wall, whistling loudly. Carue appeared from somewhere indoors just before the bladed man caught up with the girls, scooping them up onto his back with a loud quack. The air snapped and boomed, displacement cones forming around the supersonic duck's beak as he raced away at the speed his species was famous for.

"You should really listen to Mr One and worry about yourself." A strange woman approached, giggling, as Ghin got to his feet. She was dressed all in furs, with a short sword in her hand that somehow resembled the claws of a small carnivore. She was accompanied by a tall, slender man in acid green, who seemed to be leaning on the well-used glaive he carried. The weapon had a series of deep scratches on the blade- XII.

"Maybe…" Ghin flipped his tonfa around a few times, smirking. "But I'm not very good at listening to anyone who's not my captain."

"Grr… I hate smart-ass men!" The woman raced at Ghin, swinging her sword at his head. He blocked with one tonfa, taking a step back- and immediately had to jump to the side, as the woman's partner swung his glaive up and in with surprising speed, jabbing like a striking snake.

"In that case, I'll let my weapons do the talking. Demonic Dance!" It was the first time in years Ghin had named a technique aloud. This time, no one laughed. Leaping forwards, Ghin landed in a crouch, spinning one tonfa down with the intent of smashing the swordswoman's foot. He missed as she jumped backwards.

A set of rapid, serpentine strikes from the man with the glaive caused Ghin to go tumbling through the streets to avoid being sliced open. Diving into a roll, the rigger barely tucked his head in fast enough to avoid being scalped. He prepared to launch another attack as he came to his knees- only to have to immediately roll some more, sideways this time, in order to keep from being skewered by the glaive.

A sharp sting lanced along the side of his face as Ghin blocked a sword strike, only for the woman to roll her blade over his weapon. Blood dripped down his cheek. The Straw Hat rigger growled. Planting one hand, he spun up and around, kicking the woman in the side and spinning his free tonfa as if to smash into her thigh. "Black Dog's Howl!" The swordswoman blocked with her sword, but the momentum of Ghin's weapon forced the blade back to bite lightly into its master's leg.

Ghin's actions led to him being stabbed in the shoulder as the glaive-wielder thrust his weapon past his partner, driving Ghin back. Hissing, the rigger flexed his arm. Nothing major felt damaged, but it stung something fierce. The glaive-wielder stepped in during that moment, spinning his weapon in his hands to bring the blunt cap on the other end down on Ghin's clavicle. Bone cracked; Ghin growled. The female member of the pair he was fighting giggled.

"Ooh, nice shot Mr Twelve."

"Thank you Misssssssss Ssssssssssaturday." The man's tongue had a large piercing in it that caused him to hiss when he spoke.

The problem, Ghin thought as he blocked a series of rapid strikes from a sword, is that they can both hit me at once, from different ranges. If he could only force Twelve closer, so he and Saturday would get in each other's way… Aha. That should do it. Ghin's smirk grew, despite the rain of blows coming down on him.

Of course, even once he had a plan, it wasn't easily executed. Cartwheeling out of the way as the sword and glaive swung in tandem, Ghin flinched as his cracked collarbone sang in protest. A quick kick knocked the sword to the side as Saturday tried to cut him again, aiming for a kidney this time. Ghin spun on his base leg, intending to smash his tonfa into her back if he got the chance, but was forced to abort at the last minute by a great arcing slash of Twelve's glaive. The Straw Hat rigger leapt backwards.

And then the polearm darted in with a stab aimed at his guts. Ghin stepped to the side, just enough that the glaive scraped along his hip instead. Before Twelve could pull back, the rigger spun one tonfa down hard on the handle of the weapon. Wood snapped and splintered; the air was cut by an explosive crack. Ghin's smirk evolved into a proper grin as he kicked the blade end of the broken glaive away.

"Not so tough now, are you?"

"Just because you've destroyed my glaive doesn't mean you can expect to win!" Twelve stepped in, jabbing at Ghin's stomach with the broken end of his splintered weapon. At the same moment, Saturday slashed down vertically, aiming for the top of the rigger's head. Stepping just to the side, Ghin jumped up, coming down with his foot on top of both weapons, pinning them to the ground. His opponents had half a second to try and tug free. A pair of tonfa spun out and down, crashing into Twelve and Saturday's heads simultaneously as the Baroque Works agents glanced up at him in confused anger.

"Asmodeus." A quick reversal of direction on his spin; immediately after crashing his tonfa down on his targets' heads, he flicked and spun his weapons the other way, into their chests, firing them backwards. Twisting his heel hard was enough to break the sword under his foot, and further crush and splinter the broken glaive haft.

Neither Twelve nor Saturday moved. Ghin kicked them a few times just to make sure, but still got no reaction. Alright. The rigger bandaged his shoulder and hip quickly, considering his options. Johnny and Yosaku, or Lisa and Vivi- who needed his help more?

X

"You're going too fast!" Lisa told Carue as the duck raced along. She couldn't mix her paints at this speed- there was far too much shaking. The duck ignored her though, continuing to run at eye-watering speed along the wall, then down a set of stairs and through the streets. The bladed man who'd been after them was long gone. But Vivi- the one who Carue would actually listen to- had yet to call him to a halt.

"I thought you said you were going to fight with us?" Lisa asked the princess. "Why are we running away? There's two of us and one of him."

Vivi clenched her fingers in Carue's feathers. "But… Wasn't that Mr One?"

"Um…" Lisa thought for a minute about everything she'd heard about her former co-worker. Large, grim man; powerful assassin; something about blades? "Maybe? I never saw him, so I can't be sure- Mr Three always sent me away on solo missions when officer meetings came up."

If it was Mr One, then Vivi was right- Lisa was pretty sure they wouldn't be able to take him down. Luffy or Zoro could… But neither of them was here now. So they needed to make a plan, find somewhere they could use their surroundings to their advantage to fight a man who would otherwise destroy them. That was something Mr Three had drilled into Lisa's head time and time again. But… How could they make plans for an opponent whose strengths and weaknesses they didn't know? All Lisa could be sure of with Mr One was that he had some kind of Devil Fruit.

"QUAAAAAAAAAAAACK!" Carue went down with a loud cry, the duck keeling forward into a roll as if he'd tripped over something. Lisa and Vivi flung themselves clear before Carue could crush them with his momentum. The princess landed in a crouch, her Peacock Slashers out and ready; Lisa rolled to her knees and glanced around, gripping her paintbrush tightly. Sunlight shone off steel- Carue had been tripped by the blade of a falchion. A falchion that rose slowly, to the sound of deranged laughter.

"Gihirarararara!" A familiar plumed black hood and yellow scarf- Miss Tuesday. And Mr Ten wasn't far behind her spinning his reed pipe in a threatening manner. Both agents looked far worse for wear, their skin covered in raw patches, blisters, and large, crusty scabs. Their clothes were full of holes.

"Well, they're not the ones who scarred us," Ten pointed out lazily. From the way he was loading darts into his pipe, though, he really didn't care. And neither did Tuesday. The woman raised her sword before her face, licking along the side of the blade.

"Doesn't matter dearest. We'll take out the princess- maybe that way the boss'll forgive us for knowing his name. Then we'll find those bastards who scarred my beautiful face. I can't wait- I'm gonna cut a hole in their navels and turn them inside out through it."

"…Isn't the navel already a hole though?" Ten wanted to know. Tuesday shot him a scathing look.

"No. Ergh… I love you, dearest, but you're dumb as bricks. Just let me do the thinking." Turning back towards Vivi and Lisa, Tuesday grinned. It was an evil, manic grin, one that sent shivers down Lisa's spine despite knowing these people were barely a threat. "And right now, I'm thinking I should scar these girlies like their friends did me."

Flashing in the sunlight, the great, shining falchion swiped for Vivi's head. The princess ducked; in the brief instant that Tuesday's blade blocked her sight, Lisa splattered the woman with a paint that didn't take any time to mix.

"Sadness Blue!" No runes, just a great swathe of paint. Tuesday hesitated for a moment when the colour splashed across her chest- and then she got angry.

"Your friends ruined me!" Tuesday's eyes glowed red as she swung her heavy blade. Tears welled up thick from the corners, pouring down her burned face. "They made me ugly, burned me! And it hurt so much… I can't just take this lying down!"

Being small made ducking around the massive falchion somewhat easier, for which Lisa was glad. The little painter frowned as she considered her lack of success. This seemed more like anger than sadness… Although, she supposed everyone acted differently when they were sad, so it was possible that some people conflated the two emotions. Well, it just meant she'd have to try something else.

Ping! Ping! Vivi's Peacock Slashers bounced harmlessly off Tuesday's falchion when the princess tried to attack the agent, too light to push the deranged woman back. And beneath the ringing, Lisa heard several faint puffs of air. Darts. Mr Ten was blowing darts at the painter and the princess. Lisa curled as small as she could and held her palette in front of her as soon as she heard the noise; several small points thudded into wood, and one lodged in the brim of her hat. Several more darts caught in Vivi's robes as the princess danced out of the way, but it didn't look like she'd been hit.

When Ten went to reload his blowgun, Lisa darted in under Tuesday's falchion. Her paintbrush flashed as she approached the male of the pair. This wouldn't last long, but it would make a good distraction while she and Vivi did something more permanent. "Bullfight Red!"

Brilliant red splashed across Mr Ten's chest in a great swirl- Lisa knew better than to aim for the clothes on someone who could take them off easily. The little painter darted away immediately, racing back to Vivi as her paints took effect. And while Ten just looked baffled by the colour on his chest, unsure what it was supposed to do, Tuesday's already red eyes glowed even brighter. The enraged woman began attacking her partner; Ten scrambled away from each strike, yelping in shock.

"Hey! You're supposed to be fighting them, not me!"

"I can't help it! You're just making me so angry right now!"

"Why?! What did I do?!"

"I don't know!"

"That won't last forever," Lisa pointed out to a confused Vivi. The princess shook herself and nodded.

"Of course not. So… What do you plan to do?"

"You can tie them up with your Peacock Slashers, right?" Vivi nodded at Lisa's words, although she didn't look the happiest about it. The little painter ignored that and continued. "I need them distracted for a minute so I can mix things, then I'll settle them down so you can tie them up." She got to work right away, before the princess got a chance to answer.

"If you're sure…" Vivi spun her Peacock Slashers in preparation, but no attack came. Tuesday was still swinging at her partner, and Ten was too busy dodging to fire off anymore darts.

Lisa wasted no time mixing together the right colours- she was so glad King Cobra had let her resupply from the royal stores. Although, even with that, she was still running low on blue and yellow… She'd been using them a lot recently. It was a good thing to remember for the future. "Calming Green Bindrune: Svefnthorn!"

Both frontier agents immediately slowed, dazed. Tuesday took one more half-hearted swipe at Ten before yawning and leaning on her falchion for support, and her partner wasn't in much better shape. Groaning, Ten raised his reed pipe to his lips, only to fall on his face before he could fire any darts. Seconds later, a loud snore was heard.

Vivi blinked. "What was that?"

"I combined Calming Green with the bindrune of sleep." Lisa shrugged. "It wasn't practical for the moles cause we still needed them to answer questions, but I figured here…"

Shaking her head, Vivi moved to tie the two insensate agents up. "Your hypnotism is absolutely terrifying, and I think Jones showing you all those symbols just made it scarier."

Lisa shrugged. "Yeah, Usopp thinks so too."

X

"H2O Jet!" Johnny hit the ground running, with Yosaku right behind him. The blue hunter spun a dial on the side of his nozzle, using a jet of pure water to fire an exploding booger out of the air. Then Yosaku took over while his partner pumped the stock of his gun to build up more air pressure.

"H2O Cone!" A broader spray of water drenched the exploding man from head to foot. Their target wiped sopping hair out of his eyes with a grimace of disgust- which quickly turned into a dark smile.

"You two aren't very smart, are you? Should've used salt water." The exploding man pulled out a pistol and blew air into it. "Breeze Breath Bomb!"

Nothing seemed to come out when he pulled the trigger. However, an instant later, an explosion went off beside Yosaku, making a great pit in the street. The green hunter dove out of the way, crouching behind a dumpster for cover. This didn't help him much, as a second later, another Breeze Breath Bomb blew the dumpster sky-high.

"Crap! Fighting him from a distance won't work, Bro!"

Johnny nodded. "Alright. I'll go in close, see if that's any better. Back me up!"

"Always!"

Holstering his spray gun, Johnny drew his dadao and charged with a wild yell. The bomb man sneered at him, stepping aside just enough to avoid being hit before slamming a shin into the blue hunter's stomach.

"That won't work either. I ate the Boom-Boom Fruit; I can make any part of my body explode at will, whether it's attached or not. Kick Bomb!"

KA-BOOM! A great blast fired Johnny backwards, sending him crashing into a wall hard enough that it cracked. Coughing, the blue hunter dropped to the ground. His lungs burned as he tried to get his breath back, and his back and stomach felt like he'd just spent half an hour sparring with Zoro. He couldn't take many more of those. And his robes were burnt too… Well, at least he wasn't wearing his coat. He'd have hated to ruin that- Yosaku made it for him.

But… If this guy could make any part of his body explode, where did that leave them? They couldn't fight close up any more than they could from a distance. Not cool! If only they'd thought to use salt water… But it didn't mix the same in solution, so their guns wouldn't have worked properly at all. But maybe… Johnny looked over at Yosaku and opened his mouth. He didn't have to say anything though; Yosaku already knew what he was thinking.

"Already on it, Bro. On my signal!"

Nodding, Johnny switched back to his spray gun and spun the dials. And not a moment too soon- he had barely finished adjusting when Yosaku called out again.

"Acid Rain 100 Cone!"

"Base Drops 100 Cone!"

Pure sprays of undiluted sulphuric acid and lye shot out to engulf the bomb man. They were strong- even stronger than even the initial solution the hunters had used on Mr Ten and Miss Tuesday- but Johnny and Yosaku weren't sure if the reaction would work right if the chemicals were diluted. Although regardless of the actual reaction working, they didn't know if the result they were looking for would.

"AAARRRRRRRRGH!" The bomb man staggered back, one hand covering his eyes, as the twin cones of corrosion poured down on him. His clothes smoked; parts of them seemed to simply vanish, while others had holes eaten in them the conventional way, slowly but visibly rotting under the assault. Red burns rose on his exposed skin- but not as many or as intensely as in the hunters' previous battle, despite a stronger concentration. The acid and the base were neutralizing each other, forming water…

And a salt.

However, this particular salt- sodium sulphate- didn't seem to have much effect on Devil Fruit users. Unless it was to make them angry, but that could just as easily have come from being doused by corrosive liquids in the first place. The bomb man exploded with rage- literally. When he reformed, he appeared to have gotten rid of all traces of the chemicals he'd been sprayed with. He glared at the hunters, so forcefully that one lens of his sunglasses cracked.

"You're going to pay for that."

The bomb man launched himself forwards with a tiny explosion, similar to Jones flinging herself around with forces. Johnny yelped and tried to duck out of the way, but he wasn't fast enough. Even so, though, he felt nothing except a rough shove- not what he was expecting. Opening his eyes- which he had apparently closed on reflex without noticing- Johnny caught a brief glimpse of Yosaku standing over him, their opponent's arms wrapped around his shoulders. The green hunter had pushed his partner out of the way.

"Full Body Explosion!"

Twin yells echoed as an explosion rocked the street- Yosaku's of pain, Johnny's of fear. Both could barely be heard over the explosion itself, great enough to rock the stones and bright enough to blind Johnny even through his sunglasses. And even when he could see again, it was only for a few seconds- soon enough, he found himself blinded by tears.

Yosaku was still standing as the bomb man reformed, still breathing… But that was about all that could be said for him. The green hunter was dressed in ragged tatters, most of his clothes burned away, and every inch of him Johnny could see was covered in burns. One of his arms looked broken, and his eyes had rolled back to show mostly white. He couldn't be conscious anymore, not after a blast like that at close range.

"Heh. It figures." The bomb man released Yosaku and pushed him aside, causing the green hunter to fall into a crumpled heap. "Even with those nasty weapons of yours, a couple of ragged pirates are no match for a Baroque Works officer agent."

"You bastard." Johnny rolled away when the bomb man went to grab him. Couldn't let himself be caught, couldn't let himself be touched. He had to avenge Yosaku and get him to a doctor. Find Chopper. As long as Yosaku was still breathing, Chopper would be able to heal him, right?

Couldn't use the spray guns now- if he did, he might hit Yosaku. Drawing his dadao, Johnny swung at the bomb man rapidly, no real pattern to his movements. He didn't have a plan, didn't think there was a way to safely fight someone like this up close. Or at all. Johnny dodged blindly whenever the bomb man tried to hit him or flick something at him, never sure if it was just a distraction or a potential explosion. And then one of his dodges came too slow. Instinctively, Johnny batted the incoming arm aside with his blade, still not thinking.

He drew blood.

If the man in front of him hadn't just blown up Yosaku, Johnny would've grinned. As it was, he settled for a malicious glare. "So… You're made of bombs, but it looks like you still bleed."

"Except you're forgetting one thing. I can make any part of my body explode, attached to me or no!" A small, red explosion lit up on Johnny's dadao at those words, knocking the sword out of his hands. Milliseconds later, an explosive punch caught him in the chest and knocked him flying into a wall.

Dazed, it took a moment for Johnny to get up. A moment during which the bomb man lunged in, fist at the ready, preparing for another explosive strike. Johnny closed his eyes and grit hit teeth, still too dazed and slow to get out of the way in time.

Steel rasped against leather, then all sound came to a sudden halt. This lasted only a second, before a broken voice rasped out, "I wouldn't do that if I was you. Finish that punch, and it'll be the last thing you ever do."

Opening his eyes, Johnny saw Yosaku- awake. The green hunter looked like someone had painted him with the fluid from blisters and his own blood, but he was on his knees and glaring, his dadao held up to rest at the base of the bomb man's neck. The bomb man froze; Johnny guessed that exploding blood or no, the guy would still be pretty badly off if a sword went through his neck. Slowly, using a wall for support, Yosaku dragged himself to his feet. He kept his blade at the base of the bomb man's neck… Right up to the moment where he flicked his wrist up and around, slamming the flat of the blade into the man's temple. Hard.

When that failed to immediately knock the agent out, Yosaku hit him a few more times, blindingly fast, with all different parts of his sword on all different parts of the bomb man's head. Johnny picked up his own weapon to assist his partner- the bomb man seemed to have a pretty hard head. Between the two of them, they rained probably fifty strikes down on the supposedly explosive skull. And the agent was too stunned from the first blow to do much about it.

Eventually, he went down like a tree.

So did Yosaku. Apparently that barrage took all the strength the green hunter had; he fell back to his knees, dropping his sword and supporting himself with shaking arms to keep from falling on his face. Steel clattered on stone. Panting, Yosaku glanced up at his partner. "You alright Johnny?"

"Yeah…" The blue hunter winced at the shape his partner was in. But Yosaku was smiling- or at least trying to. It looked more like a pained grimace.

"Good… Couldn't stand it if I lost you." Pausing and panting, Yosaku frowned. "And… Your back?"

"Unmarked. He never got a chance at it."

"That's good too. And mine?"

Johnny smiled gently. "About the only part of you he didn't mark, Bro."

That made Yosaku laugh for some reason. Probably relief; Johnny didn't want to think of anything else that might've been behind the sudden outburst. "Ehehehehahahahaha! Goo- ow. That hurt…" Coughing and shaking, Yosaku shot Johnny an apologetic look. "Sorry Bro, but I think you're gonna have to carry me to Chopper. I can't fell my- ergh."

The green hunter lost his grip on consciousness, falling forwards onto the stone. Johnny nodded. He carefully heaved Yosaku up onto his shoulders, then picked up his partner's sword. "Don't worry Bro, I got this. You just rest."

X

Unfortunately, one thing I'd failed to plan for was what to do with the accellegators once we got to Alubarna. As we came up on the city, I could see flames leaping above the great walls, hear people rushing about as soldiers shouted orders, but… Well, releasing a couple gators into the situation would just make it worse. By the time I thought of this, though, we were too close to the city. They might've gone in even if we released them outside the walls, depending on whether or not they felt like attacking people.

Oh wait, we had someone who could talk to animals with us. "Chopper, do you think these guys would listen if you told them to go back to the river?"

The little doctor shrugged and glanced down at Chewie. He spent a few minutes grunting and yipping at her; Chewie responded with muffled growls. The doctor sighed and shook his head. "Sorry… She says she smells food, so she's going in and finding it no matter what."

Tabarnak. "Alright everyone, for the safety of the city, either someone has to stay behind and keep an eye on the gators, or we have to knock them out when we get off."

Luffy nodded. "I got it!" Then he frowned and addressed me with a whine. "Ne, Jones… If we already kicked Crocodile's ass and he was the captain, who'm I supposed to fight this time?"

Zoro grinned, tying his bandanna around his head. "Anyone we don't get to first."

Chewie and Chomp scampered up the stairs to Alubarna's gate, saliva dripping from the corners of their mouths. Not that they ever got to taste whatever they were drooling over; as soon as we were in the city, Luffy jumped up into the ait and delivered heavy blows to the gators' heads, forcing me to leap out of the way and Ace to go intangible. "Gum-Gum Double Stamp!"

I hit the dirt with my forearms first, head turned to the side- a perfect front break fall. "Watch where you're kicking, Captain!"

"Shishishishishi! Sorry Jones!"

Let's see, where would I be most useful? Probably stopping the fires; they were far too blue and green to be natural. I'd have to figure out what chemicals were involved. Rolling to my feet, I scrambled off towards the nearest blaze. Not that getting there was easy- I'd never seen a good map of Alubarna, and all the back streets were narrow and confusing. I hit a couple dead ends before managing to find what seemed to be a viable path. Only, before I could get anywhere near the building- which appeared to be a burning tannery- something heavy crashed into the street in front of me, sending up a cloud of dust and splinters of stone.

A blonde woman dressed all in orange and yellow walked towards me as the dust settled, twirling her parasol. Miss Valentine. She shook her head, staring down at me with condescension. "Oh- you're one of the pirates we saw on the security snails. You poor girl. So outclassed. Here; I'll do you the favour of ending this quickly. 10,000 Kilo Press!"

Jumping high into the air, she floated for a minute under her parasol, drifting on a light breeze- before suddenly falling towards me and Ruatha with the speed of a comet. My dragon shrieked in my ear. I didn't have time to think… No time to do anything, really, except look up and raise an arm above my head on reflex, a textbook upper block. Miss Valentine's heeled shoe slammed into my forearm- and that was all. Forget being crushed, I wasn't even hurt or pushed backwards. The ground around me remained perfectly whole, not a single crack from the impact. Unable to balance on my arm, Valentine fell over onto her back in front of me.

"Whaaaaaat?"

Oh. I couldn't help myself; I burst out laughing. "Sesehihihihihi! This is gonna be fun!" Ruatha chirped his agreement, wrapping his tail more tightly around my arm. His face split wide with a draconic grin.

Miss Valentine didn't respond, continuing to stare up at me in horror and confusion. I grinned. Poor girl. Well, the least I could do was explain the cause of her defeat. Thank you, thank you, other me, for giving me at least one fight in this story where I had the clear advantage. And a fight that could give me ideas. After all, the way Valentine's fruit worked… It was something I should be able to emulate. Gravity is a force, after all.

"You ate the Kilo-Kilo Fruit, right?" When Miss Valentine nodded, my grin broadened until it was almost painful. "Now, with a name like that, you should be able to change your mass at will. You can't, though, can you? What you do do is change your weight- AKA, the force of gravity as it acts on your body. A neat trick, but if we were going for accurate units of measurement, it'd really be called the Newton-Newton Fruit. Then again, that would overlap with other forces as well, which you can't manipulate."

Not even moving, I released the force I'd absorbed from Valentine's attack through one of my feet. Stone shattered, forming a pitted crater. "But I can."

To her credit, Miss Valentine didn't stay on the ground after my demonstration. What she did do, though, was jump up into the air and come down on me again, one leg extended, as if she thought using a slightly different technique would have a different result. "10,000 Kilo Guillotine!"

I caught her leg as it came towards Ruatha and the back of my neck, force singing up my arms to coil in the pit of my stomach. Too many of these would probably make me sick, but as long as I discharged after each strike, I would be fine. Slamming Valentine sideways into a wall, I decided that this would be an excellent time to try out the techniques Doya had taught me in actual combat.

"Pentagon Punch!" Five rapid strikes- one to each major body quadrant and one to the head. Valentine curled in on herself, blocking me; I released just a tiny bit of force each time I made contact so that it hurt anyway. And before she could think of anything else to do, any ways to counter me that maybe didn't involve her powers, I continued.

"Seven Shade Smash!" Seven more strikes, this time to the chakras- I wondered idly if this technique would do anything against Haki users. Unlikely, but worth a try… I should get Ace to help me test it, since he would be with us for a while.

"Shell Game!" I tucked and rolled for Valentine's knees as she got to her feet; this time she managed to dodge, jumping over me and lessening her weight to float. That just put her in positing for me to catch her with a different technique, though, as I immediately turned and launched a flying tackle that knocked her to the ground. "Gaaaaaaaaaaaaame!"

I had her pinned to the ground now. Valentine snarled and bit me, abandoning her image of a prissy little lady. And her teeth were sharp! I pulled back with a hiss, my wrist bleeding from the shallow wound. Valentine took advantage of my distraction to plant her feet on my stomach and shove, sending me rolling away over her head. I growled as I came to my feet- I hate being thrown that way.

"10,000 Kilo Shock!" Jumping up, Miss Valentine came down hard on the road this time, rather than trying to squish me. Smart. A wave of dust and splinters flew up at me; I covered my eyes for a second to make sure my glasses weren't damaged. Ruatha keened and buried his face in the back of my head. When I uncovered my eyes, it was just in time to take a parasol to the face. One which was surprisingly sturdy- good steel. I guess it was meant to be used as a weapon. But even so…

"Impact-based attacks won't work in me~!" I sang. "You're not strong enough to override my defenses~!"

My raspy sing-song probably only served to annoy her. Valentine let out a wordless yell of rage before jumping up and trying to hit me again. Yes, because doing even more of what had failed before was sure to work. Her face turned red this time; she was visibly strained as she tried to use her powers more, tried to build up enough force to overcome my damage resistance. "20,000 Kilo Press!"

"Newton's Third!" Instead of absorbing the force to blow it back later, I reflected it directly. And no, I hadn't been certain I could do that, but if I absorbed another round that was twice as much as previous, I would either explode or be sick, so I had to try. I still hadn't discharged everything yet. The reflected force sent Valentine tumbling down the street, rolling head over heels until she came to rest up against the wall of what looked like a blacksmith's shop.

Every time she flipped over, I caught a glimpse of neon orange panties as her skirt flew up.

"Your stupidity annoys me," I informed Miss Valentine as she got dazedly back to her feet. Reflecting all that force made my wrist sing with discomfort; I shook it out as I spoke. "You know my powers keep yours from hurting me, but you keep trying to do the same thing. Devil Fruits are supposed to be about being creative, about taking whatever fruit you get and breaking the Hell out of it using whatever knowledge and ideas and puns you can. That does not mean doing the same thing over and over when it's not working. There has to be something else you can do with it."

Miss Valentine shook her head. "Not for fighting. Just… torture. And if what you're saying is right, it wouldn't work on you either." Her face was pale, sweaty- but sadly, she wasn't showing the same level of disbelief as Enel would on meeting Luffy. Oh well, can't have everything.

"Then I suggest you take some time to figure things out after I'm finished kicking your ass from here to Pluto." Which could be an extremely long distance, since Pluto was in another dimension. Stepping in before my opponent could move, I began the dugong-fu finishing technique that Doya had shown me. Rapid jabs to nearly fifty pressure points, followed by a spinning kick to the lower back that sent Miss Valentine crashing to the ground.

"Lumbarjack!"

"Oof!" Valentine couldn't get up- the pressure point strikes had temporarily paralyzed her arms and legs. It would wear off in about ten minutes or so. I bound her quickly, using whatever I could find- hair ties, bits of string, and what little tape I had left. Then I sat her up in a sheltered alley between two stone buildings.

"There. You should be safe here until it's time for cleanup. Man, I wish I had some kairoseki shackles." I shook my head. "Now, you sit here and be a good girl while my friends and I save this city. And here's what it means to be creative with a Devil Fruit. Spider Climb!"

Channelling friction through my hands and knees, I crawled up the nearest wall. Maybe finding my way through these confusing streets would be easier if I went over the rooftops instead. Before I could continue on my way to the fire though, I remembered something that made my blood run cold. Shaking, I changed direction. Now… Where was that clocktower?

X

"Boric acid, methanol, and wax," Usopp muttered as he examined the residue left over by flames that had long since moved on. Nope, no way was water going to help here- in fact, it would just make things spread faster with a mix like that. No wonder the Royal Army was having so much trouble controlling the fires. They needed sodium bicarbonate, which he was willing to bet wasn't standard issue.

Problem was, Usopp didn't have anywhere near enough sodium bicarbonate to put out a building fire, let alone several of them. Dammit… Having Ace around would be really useful about now- he could probably put out the fires, with his powers being what they were. Devil Fruits sure were useful.

Usopp shook away his melancholy thoughts. He didn't need a Devil Fruit- he had science on his side! But science wasn't giving him a way to get more sodium bicarbonate quickly, so he needed to find a bakery.

Running along narrow, cobbled streets, though, a bakery was the one thing Usopp couldn't find. He ran past textile warehouses, spice shops, jewel merchants, and even a pet store, but didn't see anything that looked like it would have baking supplies. Not even a tiny coffee shop. Although he made a note of which stores he passed anyways for after, when all the fighting was done and they had a chance to resupply.

Something in one of the burning buildings exploded as he ran past, sending Usopp tumbling down the road. Groaning, the gunner rolled to his feet just in time to see a familiar figure stroll out of an alleyway, whistling. Blue and white shirt, number-shaped topknot…

"You're Mr Three!" Usopp jumped back, pointing an accusing finger at the Baroque Works agent. "We met you on Little Garden!"

Three paused midway through a step. "On Little Ga-? Oh. You're one of those pirates. The duck-rider with the torches." The candle man shook his head disparagingly. "Tch. How many of you children are there? I thought this would be easy, even with having gotten back late, but then what we saw on the snail… Oh well, we'll find a way to handle you, I'm sure."

"That's what you think!" A shiver of fear ran down Usopp's spine, setting the gunner's knees shaking. He pulled one of his special bullets from his bag and loaded it into his slingshot. Drawing back on his weapon, Usopp grinned. "But behold! I have one sure-fire combination you'll never defeat!"

"Oh really?" Mr Three took a step forwards. Before he could get any closer than that, Usopp let fly.

"Smoke Star!" The special bullet crashed into Three's face, exploding into a formidable cloud of thick, brownish smoke. Before the Baroque Works agent could step clear of the cloud, Usopp spun on the ball of his foot to begin his second technique. "Usopp Run Away!"

After all, the gunner thought as he scrambled through narrow back streets, Luffy had beaten this guy before. He could do it again- although Usopp wasn't exactly sure how long it would take his captain to get there. Hopefully not long. And it wasn't like Usopp getting himself beaten up by someone clearly above his level would do anyone any good. No, everyone would be better off if he found some way to put out those chemical fires. That was something he could do.

It took only a few minutes for Usopp to be well clear of Mr Three and back on his search for a bakery. Which was still turning up nothing… Maybe he was in the wrong part of the city? With how thoroughly he'd searched this quarter, it seemed likely. Turning to head to a different sector, Usopp ran headlong into something large and hairy that appeared around a corner in a clatter of hooves. Falling back on his ass, the gunner stared up at…

"Chopper! You guys are here?"

"Just got here," the reindeer nodded, popping into Brain Point as he looked around. The tiny alligator that had been riding his back- and did it have a banana growing out of its head?- fell on the ground with a growl. "What's going on? Ghin sounded like he was panicking, and part of the message was cut off."

"We got rid of the moles, but some of the upper-tier Baroque Works agents are still attacking," the gunner explained in a rush. He glanced around as he spoke, checking to make sure none of the aforementioned agents were coming down on them. "Plus I'm pretty sure Mr Three- you weren't there, but we met him on Little Garden- lit all these fires as some sort of distraction. I'm trying to find a way to put them out."

Chopper glared up at the fires over the rooftops. "All this- as a distraction? Have these people no respect for life?"

Usopp shrugged. "I dunno. I'm just trying to put them out before they cover the whole city. You didn't happen to see or smell a bakery on your way here, did you?"

Shaking his head, Chopper popped back into Walk Point, scooping his bananagator up with his antlers. Usopp wondered what was so important about the small, snarling reptile. "No, but I'll help you look. Hop on; I can run faster."

The gunner nodded and mounted up, clinging awkwardly to thick fur. Sharp hooves pawed at stone for a moment before Chopper took off, galloping through Alubarna with a cacophony of clicking. Buildings blurred as the two pirates raced past, the doctor's nose twitching for the telltale scent of a bakery. Usopp kept his eyes peeled, staring ahead for any signs of what he needed. Preferably literal signs, but he wasn't sure those were a thing in Alabasta the same as they were in the East Blue.

Looking out and up, though, meant the two young pirates were missing one crucial area- the ground. Neither of them saw the furrow racing towards them from the opposite direction until it was right beneath Chopper's hooves. The reindeer went flying head over heels, sending Usopp tumbling away. Where he'd been an instant before, a stocky, redheaded woman with oversized claw-hands and a pointed nose burst out of a fresh hole in the street.

She shot them a hostile glare; Usopp and Chopper stared back in silence. Somehow, despite the nearby presence of several burning buildings, for a moment the only sound was of a lonely desert cricket chirping in somebody's window box. Usopp cocked his head to the side as he considered this strange newcomer. What did she remind him of…?

"Okay… My bad Chopper. Looks like we didn't get rid of all the moles."

Despite the presence of a clear hostile, Chopper let out a bark of laughter at the pun. So did the bananagator. The mole woman was far less amused, her glare intensifying. When she spoke, her words came out in an angry torrent. "What'reyoukidsdoingrunningaroundhere? Youmustbesomeofthosepiratebrats! Dammitwhere'smygoodfornothingpartnerwhenIneedhim?!"

She charged them while Usopp was still sorting out what she'd said, raking great curved claws across at chest level. The front of his overalls tore, five jagged lines. Red lines underneath echoed them, bleeding sluggishly from shallow wounds. Usopp hissed at the sting, stumbling back a few steps on instinct. "Gah!"

"Wellyoudon'tseemtootough. Mustbetheruntsofthelitter. IcanprobablytakecareofyouandyourpetbeforeFourgetsbackanyways." The woman swiped at him again. This time Usopp ducked under her claws. Too close!

Curling one hand into a fist- which felt distinctly unnatural for a ranged fighter- the Straw Hat gunner launched a punch into his apparent opponent's stomach. His knuckles immediately began to ache, unused to such punishment. Usopp winced and shook his hand. At least he'd kept his thumb to the outside. With the way his bones were singing, he'd likely have broken it otherwise. The gunner thanked days of watching his melee-oriented crew mates train for the fact that he hadn't made that mistake.

Unfortunately for him, his opponent didn't seem to be affected by his punch at all. The mole woman swiped at him again, knocking Usopp into a wall. "You'llhavetodobetterthanthat! Evenamolezoanlikeme'satoughlittlething! Brat!"

"Ow…" Groaning in pain, Usopp scrambled back and pulled out his slingshot. Quickly reaching into his bag, he fired the first shot that came to hand. "Lead Star!"

The ball bounced off the mole woman's glasses, causing the left lens to crack in a spider web pattern. She let out an enraged shriek, like a gull being strangled, before charging on all fours. Usopp yelped and curled in on himself, closing his eyes, too slow to dodge. Right when the gunner expected to be hit, hooves clattered on stone. Opening his eyes, Usopp saw Chopper snorting and pawing at the road, pinning the mole woman to a wall with his antlers. The doctor's bananagator had moved from his head to his back.

"You're outnumbered!" the reindeer grunted, lifting the woman higher so she couldn't kick him or get him with her claws. "And I'm a zoan user too!"

Straightening, Usopp loaded and pulled back another Lead Star. Any of his special ammunition might get Chopper too, but this should be safe. Right as he was about to let fly, though, something crashed down into the road with a thunderous explosion.

ACH-BOOM!

Fire and heat erupted briefly in Usopp's face as he was flung backwards. His back united with a nearby building, sending a bolt of pain up his spine. The gunner crumpled at the base of the wall with a wheeze. It took him a minute to get to his feet. When he finally did, his gaze immediately settled on a large, blond man with a thick, fluffy scarf. The newcomer held what appeared to be a huge gun on one shoulder- a bazooka.

A bazooka in the shape of a dog.

Or rather, a bazooka that was a dog, as was revealed a moment later when the towering man put it down. The world's most heavily armed dachshund raced across the ground as soon as it was released, barking loudly as it got into position. A drop of mucus dribbled from its nose. As for the man, he pulled a steel baseball bat from behind his back and gave it an experimental swing.

"IIIIIIIIIII'mmmmm nooooooot laaaaaaaaate, aaaaaaaam IIIIIIIIIIII?"

"Ofcourseyouareyougreatoaf!" The localized explosion had caused Chopper to stumble away, freeing the mole woman. She shook a clawed fist at her partner. "Thesekidsarepirates! Probablyfriendsonftheonesthattookouttheboss- they'retheonesMrOneisafter! Comeon! We'vegottacatchthem!"

"Oooooooooookaaaaaaaaaaay." Lumbering forwards, the huge man swung his bat as he approached. Every movement was so slow. Usopp thought he'd be fast enough to dodge, even at close range, so he prepared one of his new experiments and aimed at the newcomer's chest. But the bat sped up at the last second, too fast for the gunner to jump back or duck. Cold steel crashed into the side of Usopp's head, sending him crashing through the wall with which his back had been becoming so well accustomed. Something crunched; the Straw Hat gunner felt his nose bend sideways, broken, an instant before stinging pain shot through his face.

"Usopp!" Clattering hooves were replaced by the slap of feet as Chopper popped into Heavy Point. The doctor knelt by the gunner's side. "Are you alright?!"

"I'b ogay." Not really. Talking hurt. Usopp winced as Chopper briskly snapped his nose back into place. Even before he could cry out in pain, though, the gunner saw an even bigger priority. "Doppew, dug!"

Instead of ducking, the reindeer whipped out his hockey stick and extended it to its full length. Steel met whatever strange metal Johnny and Yosaku had gotten a hold of in Drum Kingdom with a resounding clang. Growling, Chopper shoved the large man back. "Don't interrupt me when I'm looking after a patient!"

"Whatdoesitmatter? You'llbedeadsoonenough!" The mole woman lunged at Usopp; he responded by firing one of his experiments.

"Gwagling Daw!" A small ball- hollow glass, with a web of wire inside and another without- flew forth with a crackling noise. When it impacted, there was a brief flash of light and a loud snap. The mole woman stiffened and fell back. Her left arm twitched as she hit the ground.

She didn't stay down long though- the charge wasn't strong enough. Maybe he needed something inside to produce more static… A steel ball or something that would move around, rub on things. Usopp wasn't given any time to think about that, though, as the mole woman charged as soon as she got up. The Straw Hat gunner flinched on reflex and… nothing happened. Opening his eyes, Usopp didn't see the mole woman. Just a hole in the ground and a furrow rapidly approaching.

Something grabbed Usopp's feet- great curved claws. The mole woman had a strong grip; he couldn't break free. She dragged him through the ground, tossing up bits of stone as the road was broken apart by her burrowing. When he saw where her course was taking him, Usopp felt his blood run cold. Oh no. The last thing he needed when his nose was already broken was to get caught between a baseball bat and a hockey stick. He'd already had enough head trauma for one day.

Chopper apparently saw this too. Squeaking- which sounded very odd in the low voice of his largest form- the doctor tackled his opponent away. "Body Check!"

Usopp breathed a sigh of relief as both relentless bits of metal were carried well away from his head. That sigh turned to a frightened squeak a moment later, when he realized his current course would still take him face-first into the outer wall of the city. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap! Panicked, Usopp quickly flipped through his bag for anything that could help. Eggs? No. Tabasco sauce? No. Pepper? No. Ketchup? No.

Ah, there it was. Gunpowder.

Gritting his teeth in preparation, Usopp dropped three rounds towards his own feet. "Dwibble Ebwoding Daw!"

The explosions were small, but still quite painful. Usopp was thankful for his thick pants- they protected his ankles from the worst of the burns. They still stung though. And the mole woman holding him had no such protection. She released him with a squawk of pain. Scrambling away, Usopp glanced up at Chopper. The reindeer was locked in a contest of strength with his own opponent, muscles straining as stick pushed against bat.

And then the dog decided to remind them of its presence, firing what looked like a tennis ball at the ground near Chopper's feet. The resulting explosion knocked the reindeer flying. His slow, solid opponent appeared unaffected. Groaning, Chopper leaned on his stick as he got to his feet.

"Ergh… We're the ones who're outnumbered." The doctor rubbed his head. "Never let me brag like that again, 'kay Usopp? I shouldn't let being a pirate go to my head."

About to agree, the gunner was interrupted by a loud snap and a long, slow yell. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The tiny bananagator had clamped its jaws down on the foot of the large man with the baseball bat. Flailing wildly- in a strangely slow, lumbering fashion- the large man dropped his weapon and hopped up and down on his uninjured foot.

Waving burned claws wildly, the mole woman immediately started berating her partner. "Yougreatoaf! Stopbeingsoclumsyandgetthem!"

Usopp and Chopper took advantage of the distraction. The gunner pulled a handful of bullets out of his bag and fired them off in rapid succession. Solid, explosive, rotten egg, hot sauce, another electrical cage, and a flaming lump of wax. And the pain in his nose had finally died down enough to pronounce his attack names properly. "Lead Star! Gunpowder Star! Rotten Egg Star! Special Tabasco Star! Crackling Star! Fire Star!"

Each bullet struck the mole woman in quick succession, leaving her bruised, charred, and confused. And just before the bullets hit, Chopper pulled out one of his special pills and popped it into his mouth with a crunch. "Rumble! Arm Point!"

Changing shape as he ran, the reindeer was beside their larger opponent before the slow man had even put his foot down. Chopper tossed his hockey stick high up in the air with a flick and spin before striking out with his hooves. Then he caught the stick as it came down and used it to deliver a punishing blow to his target's head. "Cloven Cross! High Stick!"

The large man staggered backwards, stunned, but not yet down. Before Chopper- or the little bananagator- could strike again, the ballistic dachshund struck again. "ACH-BOOM!"

This time the exploding baseball actually hit Chopper, striking his chest and flinging him back even before it blew. His little bananagator buddy- and Usopp really needed the story behind that- was thrown high into the air, squealing. Spinning on his heel, Usopp fired off a couple rounds at the heavily-armed canine as he ran over to his crew mate. "Double Fresh Egg Star!"

With the dachshund momentarily distracted, Usopp was able to check on Chopper. "You okay?"

Eyes spinning, the reindeer nodded. "Yeah… Tabarnak, I can't take much more of this, though. Can we end this quickly? I prefer to be conscious, in case I have to treat people in a bit."

Quickly… Usopp glanced up and took stock of the situation. The way the mole woman, the weaponized dachshund, and the large baseball player were lined up from this angle… "I think we can do it! Chopper, is your Rumble Ball still working?"

"For a few more seconds, yeah. Why?"

"I need you to go Horn Point, face that way, and trust me." Pointing at their opponents with one hand, Usopp fished in his bag with the other. A hammer, yes, good, now where were those industrial-size rubber bands…?

"Okay, if you say so… Horn Point!" Switching forms, Chopper dug his hooves into the stone and braced himself. Quickly wrapping his rubber bands around the reindeer's antlers, Usopp loaded his hammed and pulled back. When he released, the hammer flew with a mighty twang and a healthy spin.

"Uso-Chop Ten Pound Hammer!"

"Sorry!" Choper winced as Usopp released the missile, although it seemed to be more in sympathy for what was coming than any discomfort in his antlers.

THWA-THUD! The hammer spun into the mole woman, knocking her over backwards. She stumbled backwards, tripping over the weaponized dachshund and slamming into her slow partner. The whole trio went crashing to the ground. Usopp dashed over to tie them up before they could regain their senses; the dog snapped at him a little when he went to touch it, before… transforming into a bazooka?

Must be a Devil Fruit thing.

Once the Baroque Works agents were secured- even the gun-dog, although Usopp wasn't sure whether it could turn back or fire on its own- the gunner glanced over at Chopper. The doctor was carefully bandaging the wounded baby bananagator. Tiny growls and groans indicated the reptile's displeasure. It didn't try to bite though. Poor thing… One of its legs was badly burned, with two toes blown fully off.

"So…" Usopp went to rub his nose, but winced and pulled back at even the lightest touch. "Are you planning on keeping that?"

Chopper shrugged. "I- I dunno. He's all alone- his mother was killed by Crocodile as an example to the other gators, and gator fathers aren't really the parental type. The rest of the congregation weren't very helpful either… But he and Ruatha were arguing the whole ride over, so I don't think keeping Sharpie with us would be a good idea. I'll have to find him a good home somewhere before we leave." The little reindeer shook his head. "But that can wait. You said you needed to find a bakery; let's get back to that. Although… Why do you need a bakery?"

"Sodium bicarbonate. We need baking powder to put out all these chemical fires- lots of it."

Nodding, Chopper finished bandaging the bananagator's leg and placed the reptile on his head before shifting into Walk Point. "Alright. Hop on; we can come back and get these guys later, once the city's been secured."

Usopp hesitated. "But your injuries…"

"I can still carry you." Chopper shot the gunner a reproachful look. "My legs are fine, and I'm a zoan user. We heal fast."

X

"Do you think anyone remembers we're here?" Jack asked, sitting on the edge of Alubarna's curtain wall and swinging his legs back and forth above the city's western gate. Mairead raised an eyebrow.

"I doubt they're thinking about us right now, whether they remember or not." With a sweep of her arm, the muscular woman indicated the whole of the burning city below. "We should probably go help. Although I'm not sure what we could do…"

"Are you kidding me?" Jack continued to swing his legs back and forth. "Vivi was my partner- my friend- but… There are officer agents down there! All I'd manage would be to get myself killed."

Mairead groaned and rubbed her temples. "If only Mr Ei- Igaram was here. If we were together… With our partners, we might be able to do something. You at least could go to Vivi and fight by her side."

"She was doing well enough a minute ago- I think I saw her working with Miss Goldenweek over there somewhere." Jack gestured vaguely to the northern sector of the city.

A few minutes passed in silence. Then Mairead let out a heavy sigh. "If we're not going to do anything, why did you even want to come up here?"

Jack shrugged. "Moral support? Even if I can't do anything, I like to see and support the people who can. Those pirates are winning, Baby."

"Don't call me Baby." However gruff her voice, Mairead was blushing as she admonished the man sitting beside her.

As they sat above the gate, Jack and Mairead were able to see everything that happened in the city. Fires, battles… The pair wished they'd thought to bring a spyglass in order to get a better look. Had they looked out at the desert, they would've seen a lone horseman galloping towards Alubarna. The figure slowed as it ascended the city's great stairs, coming to a halt soon after entering the gate. Dismounting, the rider climbed the narrow stairway to the top of the wall and took up an observation post not far from Jack and Mairead. Dark blue desert robes obscured the figure's features- aside from their great height.

"Sekhmet's blood… I can't believe I'm so late." The rider slumped in defeat.

That voice was familiar. Jack and Mairead glanced at each other before looking back at the new arrival. "I-Igaram?"

Blue fabric fell away as the captain of the Royal Guard turned to face the frontier agents. "Mr- Mimimimimi! Mr Nine? Miss Monday?"

"Jack and Mairead." Mairead huffed and folded her arms. "None of us are in Baroque Works anymore, so you can damn well use our names."

"Of course." Igaram looked out over the city with a mystified expression. "So that means… All those battles- the Straw Hats? The rebels-?"

"Rebellion's been taken care of," Mairead informed her old partner. "That's the Straw Hat kids fighting the officer agents and our fellow frontier agents who were called back. We don't know all of what's happening; we've just been watching, and we can't even see all that well."

"I see…" Shaking his head, Igaram seemed to lose all strength in his legs. He fell into an awkward sitting position near Jack, head in his hands. "And… is the princess alright? Are- are the Straw Hats winning?"

"Yes and yes."

Igaram shook his head again. "I suppose there's nothing really for me to do then." He paused, then smiled wryly. "I don't suppose either of you have any wine with you? I've had a very stressful few years."

X

Sanji saw the foot snaking out around a corner just in time to jump. He spun in the air and landed facing his attacker. A familiar face- it was that okama they'd met when they arrived. Pink fabric fluttered in the wind as Mr Two leapt forward, one knee bent and the other leg trailing behind him. At the last moment, the okama paused. His face fell.

"Oh dear… I suspected, after the things Highlights said, but I'd hoped…"

"Hoped what? That you wouldn't have to fight us?" Sanji spat his cigarette onto the street and ground it out with his foot. "Stupid idea… If there's a shitty fight around, you can bet your last beri we'll be neck-deep in it."

"White Swan Arabesque!"

Shooting him another regretful look, Mr Two spun a round kick towards Sanji's head; the cook blocked with a round kick of his own, their strikes meeting shin to shin. A thoughtful frown creased Sanji's face. "The question is… Why is there a fight? We kicked Crocodile's ass a little while ago- around the time you shitheads started attacking, if I remember that shitty War Dog's call right."

"We…" There was a clear moment of hesitation before the okama shook his head. Stepping down from their shin lock, he spun on his heel and tried to swing his other leg through Sanji's knees; the cook jumped over the strike. "Mr One ordered us to attack as soon as he saw on his video snail that Mr Zero had been defeated. He said that if we could defeat you and release the boss, the plan for Utopia could be salvaged."

Nodding, Sanji brought a foot up and down towards the okama's shoulder. "Épaule!" Mr Two jumped backwards to avoid being hit. The cook raised an eyebrow. "But from what Jones said, you don't care about the shitty Utopia plan or whatever. Just finding someone named Ivankov."

"True." Launching a flurry of rapid, loose punches and kicks, Mr Two- no, Bentham, that was his name. Sanji needed to think of him by it; it took power away from organizations like Baroque Works, when you used the real names they tried to hide. Anyway, Bentham drove Sanji backwards into a wall before somersaulting in with an axe kick that crashed into the cook's head. "Drunken Swan Soiree! Wait Just a Fouette!"

Wincing, Sanji was knocked backwards. He landed on his hands and flipped up into a handstand. Quick spin allowed him to launch two kicks- to the ribs and back- before flipping back to his feet. "Côtelette! Selle! If you don't care about this Utopia business, why're we still fighting? I'd bet anything Jones knows where to find that Ivankov person- we could help you."

"Because if I switch sides, Mr One will come after me as well. His loyalty to Mr Zero is absolute, and… bloodthirsty." Bentham shuddered. Then a sly look crossed his face. "So sorry Spirals. But unlike that uncouth, blade-bound muscle-head, I can bet you wouldn't attack one of your friends."

Short black hair swirled into long blonde; dark eyes became wide, grey, and unfocused. Sanji let out a single snort of laughter as Bentham flailed. The okama had made a mistake. Without a hat or hair tie, ragged bangs and variegated strands of longer hair blocked his view and got in his mouth and nose; without Jones' stupidly thick glasses, her unfocused eyes were useless. And there was one more problem with the okama's assumption. Calling upon memories of exploded toasters, forgotten details, misleading advice, and assorted shenanigans, Sanji snapped his foot forwards into a spear-like kick to his opponent's chest. "Poitrine!"

"Gak!" Bentham changed back into himself as he flew backwards into a wall. Disbelief shone on his face. "You- you actually hit your own friend!"

"Yeah. We do that a lot." Thank whatever gods existed that the okama hadn't acquired Nami's darling face. Jones was one thing, but if he'd had to face the sweet navigator… Thankfully, that wasn't an issue. "Doesn't everyone?"

"Memoirs of a Summer's Day!" Spinning, spinning, spinning… Bentham went around like a top before slamming a kick into Sanji's side. He huffed and frowned as he set his foot down. "No… No, I don't think that's quite normal."

Oh. Well then. Sanji shrugged; he had no experience with people who didn't hurt those they cared about- or those they didn't, but were supposed to. Suppressing memories with a shudder, the cook launched into a flurry of attacks. Around to the neck, down on the shoulder; down into a handstand and spin one way into the ribs, then reverse into the lower back. A stabbing kick to the chest as he flipped up, followed by a sweeping kick through the knees, and finishing with a jumping kick to send his opponent flying. "Collier! Épaule! Côtelette! Selle! Poitrine! Gigot! Mouton!"

The wall Sanji knocked Bentham into broke under the force of impact. A brick thudded onto the okama's head as he got to his feet. Sanji slipped his hands into his pockets and flexed one knee, glancing at his opponent out of the corner of his eye. "You know… This Mr One shithead you're so worried about… What makes you think we won't take him out too? We've already got your boss. Ain't Crocodile the toughest bastard in your shitty group?"

"I…" Bentham paused, cocking his head to one side as he thought about it. "I suppose it's true. You could defeat Mr One, I suppose. So… I suppose the question is this- what do you want me to do?"

"Why should I want you to do anything?"

Bentham shot Sanji a wry smile. "You're clearly trying to get me to stand down, Spirals. Otherwise you'd talk with your feet instead of your reason. From someone who claims he and his friends strike each other frequently, this isn't quite adding up."

The okama raised his hands in a gesture of truce and leaned back against a wall, eyebrows raised. Huffing, Sanji leaned against his own wall and considered lighting a fresh cigarette. Nah… He didn't need it yet, and this wasn't something that required enough thought to use that as an excuse to buy time. "Don't get me wrong, I love a good fight. If you still want, I'll be happy to go as many rounds with you as you want. But… This Ivankov person's important to you, right?"

"Indeed." Nodding, Bentham smiled. He began to gesture excitedly as he spoke. "Xe's the missing queen of Kamabakka Kingdom- a miracle worker. I want to ask xem to take me as a student. It- my dream… There are some people I dearly want to help, and I may need the powers of a miracle worker to do it."

Sanji nodded thoughtfully. "That's not the sort of shitty dream we'd want to stand in the way of. So as much as I'd like to fight you… I won't. Not unless you make me. What I will do is take you back to the castle. Once we've rounded up all your shitty coworkers, you can talk to Jones. She'll tell you where to find this Ivankov person, and the best way for you to get there."

"You're… You're sure?" Bentham looked both skeptical and hopeful. Sanji didn't blame him. Living with a world-hopper was strange enough, when she started talking about what she knew imagine what it was like for people without context. Bentham shook his head, answering his own question before Sanji could say anything. "Of course you are. You're not the sort to try and trick me because you don't want to fight, or to say things you don't think are true. Too straightforward for that."

"Oi, don't go psychoanalyzing me like that." Okay, now Sanji needed that cigarette. Clicking his lighter, the cook breathed deeply as smoke began to halo around him. His shoulders relaxed; he hadn't even noticed how much they'd tightened in the last few seconds. "It reminds me of my shitty sister."

"Oh… Sorry Spirals." Bentham looked sheepish- not quite the appropriate reaction, but the okama didn't know exactly what he'd reminded Sanji of, so it was forgivable. Although… The cooks snorted.

"And don't call me Spirals."

"But your-!"

Rolling his eyes, Sanji took a deep, smoky breath. "I know what my eyebrows look like. Moss-Head and War Dog remind me often enough. But they're the only ones who get to, got it? I've got a name; use it."

Bentham shot him a reproachful look. "No one ever told me your name, though. Unlike you, I don't have a little witch to give me everyone's life story."

Wincing, Sanji bit down on the end of his cigarette. He'd forgotten about that. As much as it was weird, he guessed he was taking it a bit for granted too. The cook thrust his right hand out brusquely. "Sanji. My name's Sanji."

"Just Sanji?" Bentham asked as he shook the proffered limb. It was an innocent enough question though- no recognition or anything behind it. The Straw Hat cook nodded.

"Yeah. Just Sanji."

"Right. And I'm Bentham- but Highlights already told everyone my name when we met the first time."

"She does that, yeah." Releasing Bentham's hand, Sanji looked around. "So… You don't happen to know the way to the castle from here, do you?"

"Of course. This way." Spinning and bowing with a flourish, Bentham skipped off down the street. Sanji rolled his eyes and followed the okama with quick, slashing steps. At the center of the city, the castle was the best place to see what was going on. Plus, he needed to check on dear Vivi, make sure she was alright…

X

"Why are you holding my hand?" the bosun growled, staring at his companion with confusion. And a little bit of suspicion and disgust- he didn't want her holding his hand, and she probably had some ulterior motive for doing so, since he was pretty sure it wasn't the sort of thing she wanted to do either.

Shit Cook would've been delighted, though.

Nami glanced back at Zoro over her shoulder, frowning. "If I just let you run off on your own, you'll get lost."

"Since when have I ever-?!"

"Syrup Village."

Grumbling- because the money-grubber was right, dammit- Zoro changed the subject. "So, what're we doing? Trying to put all that out?" He paused and waved a hand in the direction of a blaze deeper in the city. As if on cue, a group of soldiers ran past in formation, carrying coughing, filthy children away from the blaze.

Nami nodded. "If there's a source of water close enough maybe we can. You can pull it into the air with Tatsu-!"

"I'm afraid we can't let you do that." A large, dour-faced man with a buzz cut emerged from a nearby street, followed by a blue-haired woman with an exaggerated, swaying walk. Both had something about them- confident, assured, strong. Zoro automatically moved in front of Nami to protect her. Although… He wasn't necessarily sure he could fight both these people at once, if it came to that.

"You're more of those Baroque Works guys," the swordsman stated, drawing his blades. "We already kicked your boss' ass; stand down if you know what's good for you."

"Hmmm… No." There was a faint shing as the dour man turned his arms into giant knives. Ah, a Devil Fruit. "And I saw you fight Mr Zero; my den-den is hooked up to the surveillance system in Rain Dinners. But if we can defeat your crew and rouse him before the marines find out, the plan can still be salvaged."

"That won't work," Zoro informed the man, clamping Wado Ichimonji between his teeth. "Our friends already got your agents out of the rebellion and the Royal Army, so you can't make 'em fight each other. Plus… What makes you think you can beat us?"

"We'll see." There was no more preamble. The dour man lunged forwards, his partner half a second behind. Blades met with a clash of sparks, striking hard enough that Zoro felt his arms vibrate. And twisting around those bladed arms were fingers that grew into long spikes.

Most of those spikes were deflected by Nami, spinning her staff in under Zoro's swords- although one of them got past her guard and stabbed him in the bicep. Grunting in pain, the swordsman found himself unable to move. If he did, if he tried to pull back to escape the spike, he'd leave Nami open to attack from the man with blade arms. And likewise, if she tried to do anything, she'd release the swaying woman's spikes to strike him.

The sailing master realized this too. "We have zero practice with this, don't we? If we fight together, we'll just get in each other's way."

Zoro nodded. "It's something we should probably fix, as a crew. Wouldn't expect everyone to train all the time, but a little bit of practice working together would go a long way. Ideas?"

"Just one." Turning her head towards the female Baroque Works agent- which put their faces so close together the women were practically kissing- Nami stuck out her tongue. "Your mother was so ugly, she had to give an incubus beer goggles in order to get laid."

"WHAT?!" Screeching, the blue-haired woman pulled back her spikes. Nami immediately spun and took off as if a sea king was after her, the Baroque Works agent hot on her heels. "WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER?!"

Still locked blade to blade with Zoro, the male agent stared after the retreating women. He shook his head. "Allowing such an insult to get the best of her… So unprofessional."

"If you wanna be professional, let your blades do the talking." Zoro twisted himself free of the blade lock and brought Yubashiri and Sandai Kitetsu around and down over Wado Ichimonji. "Tora Gari!"

His swords met his opponent's arms with a resounding clang. This time, Zoro took note of the number on his opponent's vest with a smirk. "Mr One, eh? Luffy'll be disappointed that I got to you first, since your captain's already out of the picture."

"Mr Zero isn't out of the picture." Switching the orientation of the blades on his arms, One began to spin them like drills. "Spiral Hollow!"

Even if the blades themselves were in no position to cut him, the sudden force of the spinning sent Zoro flying sideways into a wall. Grunting, the Straw Hat swordsman charged in with the attack he knew best. "Oni Giri!"

KANG! Steel met steel as crossed blades struck folded arms. Mr One pushed and flung back at the same moment Zoro cut across; their combined power sent both of them skidding backwards. Zoro felt his boots heat up for a moment from the friction.

"You can't beat me." Mr One's voice was flat. "If a sword is meant to be an extension of its wielder, that makes me the perfect swordsman- a man who can become his own sword. My attacks are perfect, no wasted energy, and my defense is even better. No ordinary swordsman can cut steel."

He lunged in again, arms spinning like drills once more. "Spiral Hollow!" This time, rather than sending Zoro flying, the rotation made the attack nearly impossible to block. The Straw Hat swordsman managed to deflect one limb out to the side, but the other caught him in the shoulder and shredded. Spinning blades tore strips out of his arm and collarbone; blood streamed down his arm and his grip on Yubashiri weakened. Zoro growled and responded by thrusting two of his swords forward like the horns of a bull.

"Ushi Bari!"

Ting! This time Mr One blocked with fingers turned to bladed claws, grabbing Zoro's swords and flinging him off to the side with a twisting throw. The Straw Hat swordsman crashed into a small warehouse- a rather flimsy one, since it immediately collapsed on top of him. Or maybe that was the fire damage. The blazes from other parts of the city had been spreading closer without Zoro noticing. Brushing a bit of flaming debris off his good arm, the bosun dragged himself free of the rubble. And he was dragging- one of his legs had been hit by something heavy. It was painful, and didn't want to respond properly to his instructions.

He'd have to get Chopper to look at that. Later.

For the next several minutes, nothing could be heard but the ringing of blades. Zoro darted in aggressively, trying to find an opening in this steel defense. He was blocked at every turn. Bladed claws, hands that became buzz saws, arms and legs that could turn into swords… Mr One even turned his feet into skate blades at one point, so as to lessen the friction he experienced each time Zoro pushed him back. Hockey blades, not figure skating ones- and Zoro blamed Chopper and Jones for the fact that he even knew what those sports were, let alone how to tell the difference between skate blades at a glance.

"You," Mr One observed as he managed to snake past Zoro's guard and score a line along the bosun's ribs, "Are annoyingly tough."

"Thanks. I do my best." Zoro grinned despite the pain coursing through his body. And frustration- because his best? It just wasn't good enough right now. He needed to be able to cut steel… But how?

"Spiral Hollow!" Another unblockable spinning attack tore a chunk out of Zoro's hip and sent him flying into another burning warehouse. This time it was his head that got hit when a wall came down, rather than his leg. For a brief moment, he felt like he was going to vomit. A number of memories flashed before Zoro's spinning eyes, knocked loose by the blow.

Kuina's birthday- the only time he'd ever seen her in a dress. She'd been furious, and it had only been the quick action of her father that saved the culprit from being gutted. Or maybe not. Old as she may have been, there was something about Kuina's great-aunt that screamed don't screw with me.

Standing tied to a post, staring in disbelief at the rubber boy in front of him. The mismatched flavours of sugar and rice danced in his mouth as the boy, grinning, held out his swords, uncaring of the danger that surrounded them both. "If you want your swords back, join my crew!"

Training in the dead of night as a great ship came into the village to restock. Zoro hadn't paid the ship much mind, but he knew it had a dragon for a figurehead. Whoever it was had talked to his sensei, but the next day the ship was gone and there was no mention of who it belonged to. Not that he cared. Zoro quickly put the strange ship out of his mind and focused on training to become stronger.

Sensei demonstrating his ability to slice with full force and yet not cut a piece of paper. It was a neat party trick, sure, but Zoro didn't understand what it had to do with his question. He'd asked whether it was possible to cut steel. All this talk of rhythms and breathing… A swordsman who can cut nothing can also cut anything… He didn't get it at all. Shrugging, Zoro bowed politely and went back to his weights and his shinai. Those he understood.

Shaking his head to clear it, Zoro got to his feet. This prompted an exasperated sigh from Mr One. "You're still willing to fight? Very well then; I suppose I'll actually have to kill you."

The Straw Hat swordsman ignored his opponent's words. Largely because he couldn't focus- the aftermath of his blow to the head was causing all kinds of disjointed pulsing noises, seemingly coming from all different directions. Zoro was nearly deafened by them, all different rates and pitches. Some were so deep he could barely hear them, slow and strong like a whale's heartbeat; others were as fast as an insect's wingbeats, buzzing so high they set his teeth on edge. And he could feel them too, some of the rhythms pulsing over his skin.

It was almost enough to drive him mad.

Zoro only realized what the sounds were when Mr One lunged at him again, causing one of them to draw closer. A firm, relatively fast beat, like a marine march. Distracted by his realization, the bosun didn't dodge quite fast enough; rather than avoiding the blow aimed at his heart, he took it on his left forearm.

"They're the sounds of existence."

Mr One said nothing, although a slight increase in the depth of his frown indicated confusion at Zoro's muttering. The Straw Hat swordsman smirked and flung his opponent back with a powerful, sweeping blow. "Oni Giri!"

His opponent skated to a halt without taking any damage, but that was alright. Zoro had only been aiming to get some space. Taking a deep breath, he sheathed Yubashiri and Sandai Kitetsu, removing Wado Ichimonji from his mouth. "I can hear it- I can hear everything. The rhythms of the world… So this is what Sensei meant. Wonder if it has anything to do with that Haki thing Sabo was talking about… Eh, doesn't matter. I've got your number now, and it's not one."

"Now isn't the time for you to be making jokes. It's the time for you to die!" Mr One skated swiftly across the stone, one arm becoming a sword. He swung at Zoro's neck, aiming to take the bosun's head off with a quick, clean strike.

Taking another deep breath, Zoro closed his eyes and dropped into a crouch. He stood and struck in a fluid movement, his sword meeting his opponent's body in the gap between two of the steely beats. "Ittoryu: Shishi Sonson!"

A spurt of blood was followed by a startled grunt. Zoro continued his motion, not letting Mr One have time to strike at his back as the assassin's momentum carried him past. Rising and turning, Zoro brought the pommel of his blade down on his opponent's head as hard as he could. Again, he struck between the beats- his blow met skull instead of steel. That wasn't enough to fell One, so Zoro spun and tripped the Baroque Works agent, sweeping Wado Ichimonji through his knees. Once Mr One was on his back, Zoro held him down with a foot on his chest and pressed the tip of his blade to the assassin's forehead- just a little, just enough pressure between the beats to draw a few drops of blood.

"You can't do anything for your boss if you're dead. I'll give you that you're no ordinary swordsman… But I'm no ordinary swordsman either. Someday, I'm gonna be the best in the world, so there's no shame in your loss. Surrender."

For a moment, it looked like Mr One was about to argue. Then a small building near them collapsed with a fountain of flame, shooting sparks into the air. It was a blacksmith's shop, and the curious blue and green fire was hot enough to melt the iron ingots that lay amongst the rubble. Seeing this, Mr One grit his teeth. "Fine. I surrender."

X

Tripping over a half-burnt beam of fallen wood, Nami found herself wishing she hadn't split off from Zoro. Only for a moment though; spikes stabbing into the stone beside her as she scrambled back to her feet reminded her of why she'd left. If they'd stayed together, they would've gotten in each other's way, gotten each other hurt… He'd already been stabbed once in that initial assault, protecting her. The sailing master felt bad about it- not that she'd tell anyone. Not this time. After all, it was just one little wound. Zoro had had worse, and he'd be fine in his fight regardless.

It must be nice, to be that strong. To never have others question your abilities, or to question them yourself.

A few seconds later, Nami realized her mistake. Rounding a bend, she found herself in a dead end, a cul-de-sac bordered on all sides by sturdy stone buildings. Luffy or Zoro could've broken their way through with ease; she could not. Being a good navigator at sea didn't translate into instinctive knowledge of the back alleys of a city she'd never visited before. She should've stuck to the main roads.

Turning back the way she'd come, Nami stopped as her blood ran cold. Her pursuer blocked the only exit, approaching at a leisurely, swaying pace. Not that the blue-haired woman looked any less angry. Nami probably shouldn't have insulted her mother like that. But it was the only thing the sailing master had been able to think of to get the female agent to chase her.

"I'm sorry…" Nami took a couple steps back, holding her Clima-Tact in front of her with trembling hands. "I shouldn't have said that about your mother."

"No, you shouldn't." The Baroque Works agent- they probably should've asked Vivi and Lisa for codenames and descriptions of everyone they might have to fight- stabbed out again with spiky fingers. Nami deflected most of them, but the woman's thumb got past, punching a hole in the sailing master's thigh.

Nami hissed in pain and forced herself to stay standing. It was hard; her wounded leg would very much have liked to give out beneath her and send her to her knees. At the very least, sitting down sounded like a very good idea. She couldn't, though, not right now. There was no one here to save her this time- she didn't want to be saved this time. "I didn't mean it, but it was the only way I could think of to get you away from Zoro."

That earned a bark of harsh, derisive laughter. "You thought you could do better fighting me alone?"

"Not really," Nami admitted. "I don't have a lot of combat experience. But because of that… Because of that, I just would've gotten in his way. And I refuse to be in the way. I'm a Straw Hat now; I refuse to be vulnerable ever again. Heat Ball! Cool Ball!"

The alternating pulses of hot and cold air didn't do much aside from cause her opponent to blink a few times. During that brief distraction, thought, Nami had time to use a different technique. Hopefully it worked the way Usopp's instructions said it would. She really wished she'd thought to test all of the functions before they got here. "Mirage Tempo!"

From Nami's perspective, all that happened was a faint shimmering in the air. But from the other side… Well, it was certainly working as described. The blue-haired woman frowned at Nami, confused, unable to see her anymore. Not that she stayed motionless for long. Spky fingers extended, stabbing into the wall where Nami had been as the sailing master took a few quick steps sideways.

"I may not be able to see you, but I'll still get you eventually!"

Thankfully, years of stealing from the most dangerous pirates the East Blue had to offer had taught Nami to move in absolute silence. She was able to edge around behind her opponent without trouble. And… she could have run. Mirage Tempo would've allowed her to escape undetected. But she was a Straw Hat now. Straw Hats didn't run; they had to beat these people to save their friend's country. And besides…

They wouldn't get paid if any of these Baroque Works agents got away and continued to cause trouble.

"Thunder Ball!" A small orb of electricity shot out of the Clima-Tact, striking the blue-haired woman in the back and causing her to stiffen and fall over. It wasn't likely to last though; not enough charge. A bigger thunderbolt was necessary, but that would take some time to set up.

Time Nami didn't necessarily have. Her opponent rose as the sailing master began filling the air with alternating balls of hot and cold. Blue hair sparked and smoked- the agent was pissed. And she knew exactly what direction to find Nami in, even if she couldn't see her. The woman's heel elongated into a spike as she kicked back towards where the Straw Hat thief stood.

"I don't need to see you to know where you are!"

The spike skimmed along the edge of Nami's arm as she jumped out of the way, drawing a thin, bloody line under her tattoo. Coming down on her wounded leg caused the sailing master to hiss in pain; she fell to one knee just in time to avoid another spiked kick that would've gotten her in the head.

Rising silently, Nami grit her teeth and stepped away. She had to keep moving, couldn't let herself be hit. A Heat Ball or Cool Ball trailed after her with each step; Nami held her Clima-Tact a bit behind her so the alternating air temperatures would show where she had been, not where she was. Of course, there was nothing she could do about the trail of blood she was leaving behind- that showed her location clear as day. But maybe her mirage was hiding part of that, or maybe the Baroque Works agent wasn't paying attention. Either way, Nami needed to take care of her opponent before the blue-haired woman noticed that clue. And if there was one, there may be others Nami hadn't spotted…

Invisibility could only take her so far.

A dark cloud was slowly growing over the cul-de-sac. The Baroque Works agent didn't seem to notice. Still smoking and angry, the blue-haired woman stabbed with spiky fingers and heels, always just a bit behind Nami. Sharp digits tore gouges from the stone. Some misses were nearer than others; once, the agent pierced a wall so close to Nami's head that it tore a lock of the sailing master's hair free. Strands of orange fell to shine against the stone.

It didn't take too long for the cloud to be big enough. Or at least, Nami hoped it was. One of the fires was getting closer to the cul-de-sac, so she really didn't want to spend too much time there. Or at least, not without a source of water and a plan. Firing a Thunder Ball up into the cloud, Nami let her mirage down. Her opponent immediately spun to face her.

"Aha! I've got yo-!"

"Thunderbolt Tempo!" KRAK-A-THOOM. RUMMMMMMMMMBLLLLLLLE. Lightning flashed, close and blinding. Nami didn't even have a chance to close her eyes. The smells of ozone and burnt leather filled the air. Even standing where she was, Nami felt some of the heat against her skin. Not as much as she'd been expecting, though; the thunderbolt wasn't as powerful as a natural one, and it was very localized.

Black and white spots danced in front of her vision, but no attack came while she was blinded. Once she'd blinked the spots away, Nami saw the results of her work. Her blue-haired opponent, stiff and stunned, stood dazedly in the center of the street; her hair stood on end, smoking, and her skin was covered in soot and minor burns. One strap of her leather bikini was on fire, but she wasn't reacting to it. She was still conscious though, if only barely. Their eyes met for a short moment.

Then the Baroque Works agent let out a little sigh, her eyelids closing as she keeled over backwards with a thud. "You… You cheated…"

Moving closer, Nami poked the woman gently with her Clima-Tact to make sure she wasn't bluffing. No movement; the Baroque Works agent was down for the count. "I'm a pirate. We do that."

X

The pirates had done it- they'd taken out Mr Zero and removed all the moles from both armies. And now they were even cleaning up the rest of his coworkers. Drifter was… impressed. He didn't mean to be, but it was like… It was like watching him work again. Except Drifter actually liked these pirates. Especially their Jones. She gave good head rubs. Patting Geier on one wing, the otter indicated for his partner to circle around and give him another look.

Yep, the pirates were definitely winning. And even if they were getting hurt- some of them badly- they seemed to be having fun doing it. Now Drifter felt bad for doubting them like he had.

{{Well Geier, what do you say? Leave or fight?}}

The vulture looked carefully as she circled for a third time. Her shoulders hunched slightly as she flew. {{I don't think we'd make much of a difference. The mossy swordsman already took out Mr One, and at least two of them are immune to my bullets. Not to mention that the tengu-face would probably shoot us down before we got close.}}

{{That's not who I meant.}}

Geier glanced back over her shoulder, shooting him a long, considering look. {{You… Want to betray Mr Zero?}} she asked hesitantly after several long moments. Drifter paused for a second, then nodded.

{{Yes. Jones promised us she could find us new employment if we helped them, and we did- more than she asked, even. If we take their side now, the pirates won't harm us. And I think that whatever she might be able to find for us would bring us closer to my goal- closer to him- than Zero ever did. He wasn't exactly a helpful employer.}}

{{Understatement.}} Geier snorted. {{I never liked him, but did you listen? No. You thought just because he had a huge organization, he was bound to get you the information you wanted.}} She spiralled down, closer to the city, carefully avoiding the one hawk-man guard who was flying around dumping buckets of sand on burning buildings.

That was a futile gesture. The fires were just too big at this point; one man ferrying buckets would never be able to put them out.

{{I know, I know. I'm sorry; I should've listened. But you know how desperate I was. I never would've hired on with that hoser if I'd been in my right mind!}}

{{And yet you had to keep your word once you had. Couldn't just let us fly away and keep on searching on our own, nooooo.}} They were down at street level now; Geier rolled as her flight carried them through a narrow gap between two buildings. {{Well, I hope you're in your right mind now. I'd like a plan before charging into a fight where both sides might start shooting at us, if you can manage.}}

{{Yeah, yeah, I'm on it. Try and find Eleven and Thursday while I'm getting ready.}}

Nodding, Geier continued on her looping way through the city. She had the speed and grace of a much smaller bird- sometimes even Drifter was surprised by the stunts she could pull, and they'd been flying together for years. The otter shimmied out of his pink hoodie and dropped it and his sunglasses as Geier flipped upside down over a garbage bin as part of a maneuver to avoid a falling, flaming beam. She looked back at him reproachfully.

{{I- I know we're animals and it doesn't matter, but I thought you hated going naked among humans.}}

{{Not planning on going naked.}} Reaching into his pack, Drifter pulled out a pile of fabric he hadn't worn- had barely touched- in years. Red, black, and gold flowed over his fur as he slipped the clothes on, both silky soft and surprisingly durable. Geier's eyes went wide behind her goggles.

{{You… I thought…}}

{{We might not be picking up his trail again just yet, but it's the right time. I feel more like me today than I have since before we started working with these hosers, and they're gonna know it.}} The otter cinched his red jacket and pulled one last article of clothing from his pack. Pressing the battered Stetson down onto his head, the otter smirked. {{After all, this'll be good practice. Watch out Eleven… I always get my man.}}

Seconds later, the Unluckies saw the aforementioned agent and his partner as they rounded a corner. Doing so brought them to the front of the Alubarna branch of Alabasta's national bank, where Eleven and Thursday were puzzling over a heavily locked door. The humans jumped; Miss Thursday, always a skittish little thing, hid deep in the hood of her oversized sweater. Meanwhile Mr Eleven frowned and waved his pistol.

"What're you doing here? We haven't done anything wrong! Mr One ordered us to liberate funds from the bank during the chaos- honest!"

The man was a liar and a fool. A six-week-old pup wouldn't have fallen for that excuse. But that didn't really matter any more; Drifter wasn't Mr One's enforcer, or even Mr Zero's. And that thought gave him pride- pride he'd been starting to wonder recently if he'd lost, somewhere amidst the years of fruitless searching. Slowly pulling out his blades- made from the shell of a hell-beater clam, harder than diamond- the otter let his former co-worker get a good long look at his changed outfit. Geier moved just as slowly as she loaded her machine gun.

Neither animal could deny the slightly sick sense of satisfaction they got from seeing Mr Eleven's face pale to bluish-white. Sadly, with her already hiding in her sweater, they couldn't really see Miss Thursday's reaction. Then again, Drifter's uniform wouldn't mean as much to her.

{{Four-Leaf Clover!}} Drifter jumped off Geier's back and hit Eleven with four great, circular strikes as he came down. Sometimes he wished he could speak like humans did- often for understanding, but he also wanted to hear what they thought about his technique names. Names he'd used long before anyone called him unlucky. After the cuts, the otter flipped over and struck his target on the head with his tail. {{Bell Toll!}}

{{Spray and Pray!}} DA-KAKAKAKAKAKAKA! The sound of Geier's gun made Drifter fold his ears back against his head. So loud. She was quite skilled with it though; her rain of bullets knocked Mr Eleven's pistol from his hand and disabled Miss Thursday's crossbow without doing either agent any real damage. Drifter looked askance at his partner.

{{Not going for the kill?}}

{{I've had enough of killing for now,}} Geier said with a huff. {{We did plenty of it for that asshole you allied us with. If we are to be free of him… I don't mind killing, but because I'm free to do so, I choose not. This time.}}

Drifter cocked his head to the side and tripped Eleven with his tail. {{So… You're sparing these hosers out of spite?}}

{{Yes! I hated working here- I only did it for you, you stupid furball!}} Geier flared her wings and fired again, forcing Miss Thursday to take cover behind an overturned cabbage cart.

Drifter hated cabbage. He hoped that cart burned.

A quick roll through Eleven's knees when the man tried to stand, then Drifter was standing on his back. Reaching around to the base of his spine, the otter pulled out a sign and a pair of handcuffs he hadn't used in years. But his paws hadn't forgotten; he had Eleven cuffed in under a second. Holding his sign in front of the man's face, Drifter wished again that he could speak human languages. It would make delivering this message so much more impressive and less awkward.

I hereby arrest you in the name of Queen and Country. You have the right to remain silent; anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

Mr Eleven struggled weakly. "How- a Mountie here? How did you know?"

Drifter quickly wrote out another sign. I may have been gone for a few years, but I still keep up with bulletins from Newfin Island. The only reason I didn't turn you in before now, Leonard Williams, is that we were working for the same man- one who would've killed me for going after one of his without his order. But guess what? I'm flying under different colours, which means you are going back to Newfin to serve your time. Eight attempted bank robberies, three of which were successful, one of those involving a hostage? Sounds to me like you're in for thirty. Or more- Rina's father is a judge, and he was very unhappy with what you did to her face.

If it were possible, Eleven- Leonard- paled even more. His skin now resembled translucent wax. The man started to struggle again, but a tail strike to the back of the head, bouncing it off the cobbled street, quickly put an end to that. Drifter barked at Geier as he patted Leonard down for additional weapons. {{Have you got her, or do you need help?}}

{{No, I'm good.}} When Drifter looked up, he saw his partner perching on the face of an unconscious teenage girl. It was the first time he'd ever seen Thursday without her hood pulled up over her head. {{Turns out she's afraid of birds.}}

X

Striding swiftly through the streets of Alubarna, Sabo was torn. On the one hand, he wanted to help. On the other, he couldn't do everything for Luffy's crew- they'd never learn that way. The Revolutionary spun his pipe and carefully avoided all the members of the Royal Army he saw. Well… At least he didn't have to worry about what Dragon would say about him getting involved. The Nefertari family were some of the few decent nobles in the world, and since the villain was one of the Seven Warlords, this would at the very least cause the World Government some minor irritation.

Now, telling Dragon about what might be happening on Jaya… Sabo needed to pump Jones for more details.

Tingling in the back of his neck was the first sign Sabo had that someone was planning to attack him. A second later he locked onto the sensation with his Haki. Two people- a man and a woman- planning on jumping him from an alley he'd just passed. The Revolutionary spun on the ball of his foot as they jumped, swinging his pipe like a golf club. There was a heavy thud as steel met ribs; Sabo fired the man into his partner and jumped after the people he'd just launched. Before the pair hit the ground, the Revolutionary had hit them both over the head, crushed their left knees, and tied them together by the belt loops of their pants. He caught his attackers and slung them over his shoulder as he landed.

"I'm guessing you're some of these Baroque Works fellows Lu and his crew were hired to save Alabasta from?" Sabo smiled pleasantly at the pink-clad woman draped over him. She glanced up and groaned wordlessly, her head falling back down against his chest as her eyes spun. The Revolutionary shrugged.

"Shall I assume that's a yes? I think so. Well, I'm sure no one will be mad at me for beating just two of you. There must be plenty to go around. I suppose I should take you to the castle, then see what had Ghin so worked up." Whistling, Sabo continued on his way.

X

Something in the back of a burning restaurant exploded as Luffy ran past the building. The rubber boy hissed as he was splashed with hot water. Who lit everything on fire? Didn't they know it was harder to fight when a city was on fire?! Then again, maybe that was the idea; light everything on fire, make it hard to fight them. Luffy was a little proud of himself when he thought of that. And a little scared; it meant he was thinking, something he wasn't used to doing at all. Although… The more he did it, the easier it seemed to get. Maybe doing it a little wasn't too bad.

It might even be useful someday.

Skidding around a corner, Luffy rammed into a person who'd been walking in the other direction. The other guy fell over backwards, revealing a familiar, irritating face. Narrow glasses, a three-shaped topknot… "You laughed at us when you thought Jones was dead. I don't like you."

"Thought… So, your little friend lived? Can't say I'm pleased to hear that, especially after what your rabid dog did to me." Mr Three made a face and rubbed at his throat, as if it was hurting him. Luffy frowned and cocked his head to the side, unable to decide the best way to react to that.

Okay, a lot of the time thinking still hurt. Frustrated, the rubber captain hauled back and socked the wax man in the jaw. Three flew backwards and smacked into a wall with a satisfying crack. The duffle bag he'd been carrying dropped to the ground. Wait… Duffle bag. Like Usopp carried for all his chemicals and stuff. And wax burned…

Luffy groaned and tugged his hat down over his ears. "You started all the weird coloured fires, didn't you? Ergh!"

Something thudded on the street beside him. Luffy peeked out from under his hat to see heavy boots and far more bare skin than any normal person would expose in the desert. Ace rested a hand on Luffy's shoulder, rubbing comfortingly. "You alright Lu?"

"No! Jones is being a bad influence on me- I keep thinking about things! And sometimes it doesn't hurt! I don't even notice always, until they turn out to be right!" Luffy groaned again and ground his knuckles into his temples. "Why? Why's this happening Ace? Should I be scared?"

"Don't be scared Lu. You're fine. Sometimes this happens as people grow up." Ace smiled, an expression that had never failed to cheer Luffy up and calm him down. "I guess it's just finally time for you to grow a brain."

Another groan, this time not Luffy's- Mr Three was still conscious. Not wanting to deal with him right now, Luffy delivered a second, far more punishing blow to the wax man's head. "Gum-Gum Pistol!"

THWA-THUD. Three fell back against the wall, eyes rolling back in his head. Luffy quickly tied him up with the strap of his own bag. Well, that was underwhelming. After what had happened last time, the rubber captain would've expected something… more. But maybe the heat kept the wax man from using his powers effectively or something, since wax melted. Even thinking that made Luffy wince.

But the thoughts wouldn't stop. Wiping away sweat- the heat affected him too, although probably not as much as a wax man- Luffy glanced up at the dancing blue and green flames that covered the city. "Ace… You're fire. Can you do anything about those?"

"I… Not exactly sure, but I'll try." A few quick jumps carried Ace to the top of a nearby tower. Closing his eyes, Luffy's brother held out his arms and breathed deeply. For a few seconds, nothing happened. Then, slowly, pillars of flame began to rise towards Ace, oozing up to his hands as if they were made of made of thick gravy rather than fire. As more flames shifted from their roots up to where ace was standing, the freckled pirate was outlined in brilliant green and blue.

Tentacles of fire wrapped around Ace's arms and body, until Luffy could barely see his brother. Then Ace flung one arm up towards the sky, a ribbon of flame following. More was still drawn towards him, but when it reached him, it flew up into the sky, where it dissolved against the bright blue sky. There was so much fire though… Even if what Ace was doing was effective, it would take a while for him to get all of it.

With Ace safely taking care of the fire, Luffy took off again. He needed to find Johnny and Yosaku- what happened to them? Ghin sounded scared over the snail, and it took a lot to scare Ghin, so whatever it was must've been bad. Luffy was the captain; it was his job to protect the crew. He had to find his hunters, make sure they were alright… And avenge them if they weren't.

Sadly, he had no idea where Johnny and Yosaku were. Or where anything was in this city, really. Growling, Luffy charged through the streets. He could see the castle, but he couldn't get there. Not that he was sure if anyone was there, but it was as good a place as any to start. If nothing else, Vivi would probably be there. She could tell him where other things were, where he might be able to find everyone.

Someone grabbed his wrist as Luffy ran past an abandoned shop. It took him a minute to notice; he didn't really register that there was someone standing in the darkened doorway until his arm snapped back, dragging him through the air to land at his attacker's feet. Looking up, Luffy saw dark blue eyes shadowed by black hair and a purple cowboy hat. The hand that wasn't holding one of his wrists gripped a knife; Miss All Sunday was shaking- frightened, angry, and desperate.

"You- your crew, you're ruining everything! Capturing Crocodile… He was my only hope for finding it!" Miss All Sunday's eyes were shiny as she raised her weapon.

She wouldn't use the knife, Luffy could tell; she was shaking too much. And her panic was confusing… He didn't understand. What was she looking for that was so important? Important enough that she'd be willing to kill for it- or maybe die for it. Her desperation… Even seeing it on her face was almost painful. A flash of red crossed his memory, twelve lines bleeding fresh across wet skin and purple fabric. Luffy bit his lip.

No. This woman, he didn't know how or why, but she was one of his. He wasn't going to let her get that bad, wasn't going to let her hurt any more. Not if there was anything he could do, at least. Luffy gently pried his wrist free of Miss All Sunday's grip. She didn't seem to notice, still gripping her knife with a white-knuckled hand.

Raising his own hand, Luffy closed his own fingers over Miss All Sunday's. He had to stretch to do so; she was much taller than he was. As gently as he could, Luffy forced the woman to lower the knife, eventually taking it out of her hands and placing it on the ground off to one side. He never broke eye contact with her the whole time, not even when a tear fell down and landed on the bridge of his nose.

Knife safely out of the way, Luffy stretched up again. This time, he wrapped his arms around Miss All Sunday's shoulders- three times, so it wouldn't be easy for her to pry him off. Not that she was trying… No, all she was doing was shaking, too desperate and confused to do anything else. Luffy rubbed her back and hummed softly. His left shoulder grew wet as Miss All Sunday cried, eventually stooping to bury her face in red fabric.

"I don't know what you're looking for," Luffy whispered, "But Crocodile wasn't your last hope. Whatever it is, we can help you."

Very quickly, the shaking and crying stopped. Miss All Sunday straightened, her eyes dry and clear- although her movement couldn't dislodge Luffy from his clinging hug. Only a couple blotches of red on her cheeks showed that she'd just been sobbing. "I- I don't know what came over me. That hasn't happened in years."

"It's okay." Luffy squeezed tighter. "You're hurting. I don't know why, I don't know what happened to you, but you're one of mine. I want to help you, if you let me. My crew… Whatever it is you're looking for, we can find it. I'm looking for the One Piece, Nami's making a map of the world, Jones knows all kinds of things from all over the place… Between us, we can find anything."

"Ah yes… Your little witch." Miss All Sunday closed her eyes and shook her head. "I forgot about her. Those things she said, are they-? You believe they are, at any rate- which tells me nothing. Dos Fleur: Clutch!"

Two hands appeared on Luffy's back and pulled him over, twisting him a bit as if they meant to break his back. Not that it would work; being rubber made him immune to broken bones. Luffy smiled and shook his head as the hands disappeared. "You can't do that to people when I take you to meet the others, 'kay? You might hurt them."

Wide, curious eyes stared down at him. "You ate a Devil Fruit."

"Yep."

Miss All Sunday took a few deep breaths. Sad breaths; there was somehow something dark and heavy about them, as if even breathing reminded her of whatever had hurt her. "You said I was yours… You're wrong. I belong to no one."

Poor woman… She didn't understand yet. Luffy just kept smiling, shaking his head. He didn't know how to explain it to her, and she probably wouldn't believe him if he managed anyway. But that was okay. She'd figure it out someday soon. "You're wrong, but that's okay. Everyone's wrong sometimes. You're mine and I love you, just like I love Chopper or Johnny or Yosaku or Nami or Sanji or Jones or Ghin or Zoro or Ruatha or Usopp or Merry. Someday you'll get it. But until then… At least come meet everyone with me."

Shifting his hug to a grip on both her hands, the rubber captain walked backwards, leading his new crew mate like a child. She was too confused to react, too stunned to pull away. At least at first. Once a few seconds had passed and she'd gotten her senses back, Miss All Sunday started to squirm. Her nails, long and sharp, nicked and tore at Luffy's skin as she twisted, trying to free herself. She tried to haul herself away with main strength too, and when that didn't work, even managed to raise her arms enough to bite one of Luffy's hands. Her teeth were blunt; he barely felt the bite.

No… No matter what Miss All Sunday tried, she couldn't escape. Not that Luffy thought she was trying very hard, but he could be mistaken. She was alarmed, although he wasn't sure why- he just wanted to help- and he was much stronger than her. All she could do was follow him, one step at a time, as he slowly made his way through Alubarna towards the castle.

It would be a long trip- Luffy still didn't know how to get there, exactly- but that was okay. It gave him more time to convince Miss All Sunday of what he was saying.

X

Given the absence of Crocodile and resulting lack of temporal benchmarks, I had no idea how long it was until the bomb went off. But at least I'd found the clock tower. And the clock hadn't swung open just yet, so the order to fire the cannon hadn't been given. Not that that meant anything; I was certain I remembered the bomb being on a timer, so it would explode eventually, fired or not. But did I have five minutes? Ten? Fifteen? Half an hour? No idea.

I hated this uncertainty.

It didn't look like there was anyone around, but again, I was pretty sure the guards were in the tower with the bomb. Crocodile really didn't care about his subordinates, did he? A five-kilometer blast radius… Even if it was fired instead of going off the timer, it was almost guaranteed to take at least some of them out when it blew. The thought made me sick. These were people who'd sworn their service to him- that meant he had some level of responsibility towards them too.

Sighing, I shook my head. Thinking about that wouldn't help anything. What I needed to do was figure out how I was going to deal with the bomb. Hopefully I'd have some ideas by the time I got up there and beat the guards. I removed Ruatha from my shoulders and placed him on the ground beside a huge flower pot as I approached the building. "You stay here and stay out of sight. There are snipers where I'm about to go; I don't want you getting shot."

"Nuz-!"

"Even if I understood what you were saying, I wouldn't care what your excuse was." Briefly bending- although not nearly as much as I once would have needed to- I poked my dragon on the forehead. "You're staying here until I come down. It's not just the snipers; there's a bomb up there that I forgot to tell everyone about, and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I don't want you getting hurt it I do something wrong."

"Bek, bek…" Hanging his head, Ruatha dutifully curled up in the shadow of the flower pot.

"Don't worry. I'm sure I'll be back before you know it." Nodding to myself, I glanced up at the clock so many stories above. A brief twist of focus sent force down my arms and legs, turning it to friction as I placed my hands on the wall and pulled my knees up. "Spider Climb!"

Now, it's hard for me to describe exactly what it was like crawling up that tower. The walls felt rough, aye, but that could've been a side-effect of me increasing friction to climb. What I do know is that there was a slight breeze plucking at my clothing, making my ponytail flutter behind me like a flag, and that my heartbeat seemed absurdly loud. But that was probably just the lack of other sounds to focus on. Just the faint hiss of the wind and the thunderous thumping coming from my chest. Somehow though, despite my fear and how loud it was, my heart hadn't sped up. I was relatively calm, not fighting for breath and control against a wild adrenaline dump.

Yet.

I was about two feet from the clock when loud creaking made me freeze and hold my breath. The clock face swung forwards on hinges that sounded like they hadn't been oiled in far too long. When no Baroque Works agents appeared in the entrance that had been revealed, I released the breath I'd been holding and edged stealthily up towards the hole, until my fingers were right under the lip. I could feel the vibrations of the tower as gears inside ground away, heedless of the fact that the clock they powered had been removed from contact.

Still had no idea what I was going to do about the bomb.

"One second Mr Seven. I thought I heard something." A young woman clad in a garishly bright pink and green frog costume poked her head out. She looked into the distance first, checking for anyone approaching down nearby streets. When that revealed nothing, though, her gaze lowered, until after a few seconds she was looking straight down at me. I took one hand off the wall for a second to wave, quickly replacing it when doing so caused me to slip a little.

"Hi."

The woman's eyes bulged out larger than those on her costume. "HOW'D YOU GET THERE?!"

"Devil Fruit." Hauling myself up and in, I was on my feet before the garish woman or her far more conservative partner could react. Grabbing her musket with both hands, I rolled onto my back and drove my feet up into her chest as she tried to keep me from wrenching the weapon away. Half a second later, there was a loud squawk as Miss Father's Day made unglamorous face-to-wall contact. I continued my roll, back over my left shoulder, until I came up to my knees with the musket pointed at Mr Seven.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Not that I got a chance to do anything with it. Something hit the musket hard, knocking it out of my hands and sending it tumbling out to the square below. At the same time, four more somethings hit me, sending me sprawling onto my back. My head actually leaned out into open air, the edge of the floor digging into the back of my neck. For a moment I just lay there, stunned. Then I groaned.

"Owww…" Dammit, I felt like I'd just been kicked by a horse. Or make that four horses- forehead, chest, stomach, and left shoulder. That hurt. "Did someone get the license plate on that Chevy?"

Sitting up, I rubbed my head to try and reduce the ache. Something shiny and grey fell past my eyes as I moved; four pinging noises sounded from the floor. I looked down. Four bullets, slightly deformed, rolled around in front of me. Five spent casings littered the wood by Mr Seven's feet. He held a slightly smoking revolver in one hand- the same model as mine, I noted idly- although he appeared to have forgotten how to use it. His face was ghostly pale. Mine probably wasn't much better, actually- now that I'd gotten past the initial shock and pain, I felt sick. Really sick.

"One moment please." Flipping over onto my hands and knees, I vomited out the open clock door. Phantom hands, large and warm, rubbed my back soothingly as I got myself back under control.

Once I was empty of both excess force and the contents of my stomach, I turned back to Mr Seven. "Sorry about that. My powers can be a little inconvenient if I get hit too hard, but it's a very small price to pay for how awesome they are." Glancing down at the bullets still rolling on the floor, I let out a brief huff of laughter. "Guess I'm bulletproof after all, at least if it's just a few shots. Wish I'd known that earlier."

"You- You- Meep." Mr Seven squeaked as I stood up. He glanced at his gun as if it had betrayed him and everything he ever loved; I sighed as his terror gave way to confusion.

"Let me save you the trouble. No, you didn't miss; my powers just include bullet-resistance. Apparently. I did not know that before, otherwise I wouldn't have been nearly as worried as I was in Drum Kingdom. And you only fired five bullets, so you do have one left. However, given my newly-discovered bulletproof-ness, I'm feeling like a very lucky punk right now, regardless."

"Glurble," was Mr Seven's intelligent reply. He really wasn't adjusting well to this. I had to feel sorry for the guy; he was far better suited to the Blues, where Devil Fruits were rare, than to Paradise if this was how he reacted to learning someone wasn't stopped by his gun. As if on reflex- or maybe hoping desperately that my earlier survival was some sort of fluke- he fired his last round.

BANG!

The bullet hit me low, adding another horse to the list of those I felt I'd been kicked by. A gut shot; that would've been a slow, painful death if I didn't have my powers. I love my Devil Fruit. There was a loud ping as the slightly deformed bullet fell to the floor. Shaking my head, I walked up t Mr Seven and pulled the gun from his hands, tossing it to the side.

"The definition of insanity is doing exactly the same thing over and over and expecting your results to change. I just had a talk with one of your coworkers about this not too long ago."

"Mimble wimble." Mr Seven didn't resist as I guided him to the open clock and loaded a partially conscious Miss Father's Day into his arms. Now, how to get them out of the way while I dealt with the bomb…?

Oh, right. "Force Push!" I used the force I'd absorbed from that last bullet as I shoved the pair of Baroque Works agents as hard as I could. They flew across the square, landing on the roof of a building on the opposite side. Four stories up… Yep, even in the One Piece world, that should be enough to deter someone from trying to jump off the side and escape. Unless they had a Devil Fruit, or were stupidly strong like Zoro and Sanji. Since I was pretty sure Vivi had one-shotted the two I just threw in canon, though, I was pretty sure they didn't have that kind of training that I needed to be worried. Now, back to that bomb.

The cannon that held it was enormous, large enough for me to crawl inside. Actually getting inside was a little tricky, with the mouth of the cannon so close to the edge of the clock opening, but I managed. Wouldn't be able to get the bomb out that way, though, since I couldn't fly like Pell.

For all that it was delivered via such an enormous mechanism, though, the bomb was smaller than I expected. Oh, it was still bloody huge, but it was small enough that I could wrap myself around it. Which meant I could roll it around in the cannon barrel until I was able to see the mechanism, for all the good that did me. A tangle of wires of every colour surrounded the detonator; the timer showed two minutes. Not nearly enough time for me to figure out how to disarm it, or to get it out of the city.

Tabarnak.

"What to do, what to do…?" I bit my lip and tugged at my necklace with one hand. Merde… I knew nothing about explosives. And unlike Vivi, who was off doing who-knows-what, I couldn't call upon Pell's services if he happened to fly past. Which he wasn't doing, given that he probably had his talons full with the fires scattered all over the city.

"Grr… Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb…" Maybe if I ripped the whole detonator off? That bit might still explode on me, but if I could get it far enough away from the main payload, the magnitude of the explosion wouldn't be as great. And with my powers…

Yeah, that was probably my best bet.

At this point, there was no time for subtlety. The timer said I only had thirty seconds left. Grabbing the detonator complex, I yanked backwards with all my strength, holding my breath as adrenaline flooded my system. Thin metal tore with a violent shrieking noise; I rolled onto my back in the barrel of the cannon as the bomb casing gave. A quick look inside revealed something damp and fibrous- gun cotton. I remembered reading about that in From the Earth to the Moon.

No time to think about that though. I scrambled to the mouth of the cannon, as far from the payload as I could, and wrapped myself around the detonator. Closing my eyes, I counted down along with the beeps that the timer had started giving out. Each second seemed like an eternity.

Ten…

Nine…

Eight…

Seven…

Six…

Five…

Four…

Three…

Two…

One…

KLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

My ears rang; my already bruised torso felt like I was hit by a minivan. The excessive force even from the detonator was enough to send my flying out of the cannon as my powers exploded to compensate- although at least that didn't set off the main payload. I flipped over as I flew through the air, coming down hard on my back on a roof across the square. Not the same one where I'd sent Seven and Father's Day, though. The fall knocked the wind out of me. I coughed, tears in my eyes, trying to get my wind back.

The front of my shirt was mostly gone, shredded and charred by the explosion I'd clutched to my chest. Underneath, my skin was bright red- burned, but not badly enough to blister. It would be alright in a day or two. Excess force coiled in my stomach; I rolled over and wretched, each movement sending a fresh ache through my body. Nothing came up this time though. I was already empty.

"Hyech!" Oh wait, there was a little bit of blood. Felt like it was from my mouth though, not actual vomit- my tongue ached, and my lower teeth tasted coppery.

Once I had my wind back, I looked at the remains of the detonator. Not that I knew anything, to be able to analyze it as anything more than a twisted chunk of tangled metal and partially-melted wires. It weighed maybe two kilograms- might've been three with the powder or whatever it had used to explode, but I didn't remember. Might've been less… Tabarnak. How had Pell survived that? I'd only taken the detonator; he'd grabbed the whole bomb- probably a hundred kilograms of payload, and gun cotton rather than powder. The cotton being supposedly three times stronger. Ouch.

Dragging myself to my feet, I stumbled to the edge of the roof and looked down, searching for the flower pot where I'd left Ruatha. Ah, there. My dragon saw me at the same moment I saw him; he started jumping around and chirping, fluttering his wings. I waved. Ergh… Now I needed to get down. Wasn't looking forward to that. Six stories- I'd already used my powers a lot in the last few minutes; jumping down wouldn't be comfortable. But at least it probably wouldn't make me puke again. It was a level of force I could handle.

It still took a moment for me to steel myself for the jump. Once I did, I didn't give myself a chance to rethink the decision. Leaping over the edge, I felt weightless for a moment before plummeting to the street. Force sang through my bones as I landed, bending my knees and crumpling forwards to slap the ground, but neither I not the cobbled road were harmed. As soon as I straightened, Ruatha charged at me, launching himself into my chest and wrapping himself around me with a loud squawk.

"Monah!"

"I'm okay bud. Don't worry." I scratched along my baby's eyebrow ridges. He nuzzled the side of my neck, gripping the sides of my waist with his talons, wrapping his tail around my leg, and spreading his wings across my chest and shoulders as if he were trying to give me a hug.

"Zu'u frund!" Ruatha shot me a reproachful look before going back to his nuzzling. "Nuz hein kaam lost ag einzuk. Ulaaknu Monah."

That was how Luffy found us a few minutes later. My captain backed into the square, both hands held out in front of him as he guided someone like an assistant coach at CanSkate. It took me a moment to realize that the person he was leading was Robin. She struggled against him- biting, twisting, and scratching- but it was a losing battle.

My mouth fell open with a hiss of surprise; I hobbled over to the pair. Moving was a little difficult with Ruatha wrapped around me like he was. But at least his feathery scales hid my chest where my clothing had been shredded away.

I really needed to stop taking so much clothing damage.

"Wow… You've been busy Captain. What happened?"

"Hi Jones." Luffy glanced over at me before resuming eye contact with Robin. "She's hurt… I don't know why, but she'd hurt. And she's one of mine, isn't she Jones? The way you acted around her… And she needs us."

"That she does." I didn't try to touch or comfort Robin just yet- mostly because between my aching body and my dragon, moving took up enough of my attention. And I was maybe a little worried about being bitten, or having her stomp on my foot or something. Soon, though the two of us would need to have a long talk.

Still smiling gently up at the archaeologist, my captain suddenly stiffened and froze. His head slowly rotated towards me, smile disappearing as his eyes went wide. Something he saw- probably my shredded shirt and burned, bruised body as Ruatha shifted- made Luffy groan.

"Joooooones… Did you blow yourself up? I told you to stop doing things like that!"

"Actually, you didn't. You told me to stop trying to die, and I did. I promise you, I was not trying to kill myself. It didn't even cross my mind." I tried to hide the detonator that was still clutched in my hand, but I did a poor job of it. The movement probably only served to draw Luffy's attention to the twisted, charred mess of metal.

My captain shot me a flat look. "Jones… Did you hug a bomb to protect the city? You look like you hugged a bomb to protect the city."

"Noooooo… I didn't hug a bomb. I hugged a detonator." Not meeting Luffy's eyes, I pointed up at the clock tower. The edge of the cannon was barely visible inside. "The bomb's up there."

Of course, that excuse gained me no ground. Likely in part because Luffy knew even less about bombs and how they functioned than I do. Sighing, my captain released one of Robin's hands for a moment to whack me over the head. "Jones hugged a bomb… I told you to save things without almost killing yourself. Fist of Love!"

Ruatha leapt away as Luffy's blow pasted me into the ground. Ow… That hurt more than the explosion and being shot at combined. But when I dragged myself to my feet with a groan, I couldn't find it in myself to complain. Those wide, brown eyes… Luffy managed to make me feel guilty and sheepish with nothing more than a flat stare. I hung my head. "Sorry Captain."

"S'okay. We'll keep working on it."

For a moment, there was silence. The odd blue and green light from the fires around the city was fading away to ordinary daylight; someone must be putting them out. Then, while I was trying to figure out what to say, what to ask, I heard broken, confused laughter above my head. Looking up, I saw that Robin had sprouted a third arm in order to cover her own mouth, trying to hide her laughter at Luffy's antics, her attempts at escape momentarily forgotten. Well, I didn't find the situation particularly funny, but if it helped her get more comfortable as part of the crew…

"Dereshishishishishi!"