Twelve Red Lines

by Vikingr

I expected to die when I went into the water. Instead, I was rescued by a crew of people who I knew only as characters in a story. But what does it take to become worthy of being a Straw Hat? And why are so many little details not matching up to what I know?

24. Alliteration

Alliteration: the occurrence of the same letter or sound at the beginning of adjacent or closely connected words

Gerbilfriend: What can I say except you're welcome~?

LittleAngel2292: She did indeed.

The Keeper of Worlds: *bows* Thank you very much.

GreenDrkness: Bounty? Hmm... Not just yet, no.

gamelover41592: Thank you.

The Utterly Fabulous Z: That was actually Robin laughing at Jones and Luffy...

Resisting the Borg: Thank you.

Xipholynx: A running gag, eh? I hadn't thought of it that way, but maybe. Thank you very much!

Draco Oblivion: Aye, Chopper's a little naive there. He likes to see the best in people. As for Jones floating... No, not just yet. She has higher priorities to deal with. *smiles* And I love Luffy acting as a father to his men. Thinking may eventually be less of a burden for him... But he'd always rather pass it off to someone like Jones or Nami if given the chance.

Dragondacer81: Thank you very much.

xanothos: *grins and bows* Thank you!

Ean Sovukau: I plan to. Hopefully I continue to live up to everyone's expectations.

Azurai Wolf: Thank you. I loved those scenes too.

bookloverinfinity: You'll see what Garp has to say about it eventually. *grins*

Catflower Queen: Thank you! I have to admit, I almost cried writing that scene...

Bombadilo Baby: Well, you need wait no longer.

Kakusei: Thank you very much! And yeah, some of the enemies in the near future are going to be put very much off by the things Jones can do. The Force-Force Fruit has a lot of abilities and is generally overpowered, but a lot of fun. Initially I wasn't sure whether to go the Star Wars route or the physics route; some friends swayed me towards the physics path, and... Well, a lot of the abilities are actually functionally the same, even if they work through different mechanisms.

Tombs456: *smiles* Thank you. I take pride in being as different from canon as I can while still being definitely One Piece. After all... The adventure's not as fun if you know everything that's coming, eh?

Lightsbane1905: They are indeed.

intata: *laughs* Fish jokes are awesome! And no, people don't bitch about which way I spell character names; but one of my friends had someone say things like that on her fic, and I borrowed it to showcase the anxiety I felt as a beginning SI writer, and help tie in Jones' Fourth Wall breaking. And yes, Nami didsay "recalculating;" GPS Nami FTW!

BrokenGaming: Thank you. *smiles* I'm glad to be part of making people see that this type of fic doesn't have to be all dreck. And I look forward to seeing what you eventually come up with.

Insanity Lord: Yes she did. But explosions are force; it makes sense for Jones to be able to tank a small one.

FairyGirl960: You need wait no longer. Here's what happens next.

EvilpuppyofDoom: Nah, don't worry. Some pretty sad stuff will be happening, but I like happy endings, so it'll all turn out in the end. Jones won't be losing all her friends.

Anime no Akuma: Ah, non. Pas Québécois. J'habite en l'Ontario.

TES: Yep. Some of it's random, but Ruatha can speak full, relevant sentences now when he has something to say. Pity no one on the crew can understand him.

: She probably could have, aye. But she was panicking and didn't think to do so.

Kibbits: *grins and bows* Thank you very much. It was one of my favourite chapters to write so far too.

Guest (September 4): You're welcome~

NightmareKnight1: Indeed. Any fruit can be overpowered if you know what you're doing with it— Jones just has the advantage of having studied physics before, so things come quickly to her when she sees or hears something to give her the idea. And yes, flight is possible, but will take a lot of training— not a thing for Jones until after the timeskip, at the very least. There's... at least four forces she'd have to worry about simultaneously, and she can currently only really work one at a time.

Awareness Bringer: Oh, I'm looking forward to Ennies Lobby and Sabaody too. *grins broadly* But they're a long way off. I like your idea with Bellamy, although I'm afraid it wouldn't fit with what I have planned for him. Or maybe... Eh, we'll see. As for Enel— no matter what happens to him, he's one enemy they won't be handing over. Letting the World Government get their hands on such a powerful logia would be a bad, bad idea from a strategic view; Jones would veto it in any way she could.

tylermech66: Yep, Jones will be a frontline fighter eventually. I mean... Martial arts mastery, a dragon, and an incredibly overpowered fruit? *grins* Was there ever really any doubt? It'll take a lot of training and creativity, but she's up for it.

rosewillow narusasufangirl: Mmm... You're right that there's gonna be more than Chopper and Ruatha, although I can bet the incoming additions aren't who or what you're expecting. Let me put it this way... When Mr Nine/Jack almost called Jones the mother of dragons, it wasn't just a Game of Thrones reference.

I managed to convince Ruatha to wrap around me again as Luffy, Robin, and I headed to the palace- while I wasn't too bothered by my crew mates seeing me in a questionable state of dress, I didn't want any soldiers or civilians we might stumble across to see anything. And actually… The fact that I didn't care about Luffy and Robin in this state surprised me. I didn't know what to make of it- had I gotten that comfortable with the Straw Hats already, more comfortable than I'd ever been with my own family? But even that would only explain Luffy; Robin may have been a pending crew member, but I hadn't yet spent enough time with her to have such high levels of comfort.

Eh, I'd worry about that later. Or forget. Worked either way. I was far more concerned with trying not to do too much damage to Mr Seven and Miss Father's Day as I retrieved them and dragged them through the streets.

Robin was in a confusing state, shell-shocked and laughing quietly. It was like she'd completely lost it- like all her pent-up emotions from the last twenty years had finally found an out, and she couldn't stop herself from laughing no matter how hard she tried. Her eyes were red though- she'd been crying earlier. She was pretty good at hiding it though; I don't think most people would've noticed. The archaeologist was no longer being led like a clumsy toddler, but she still didn't let go of Luffy's hand. Or maybe she couldn't. Again, I think some dam had burst and let her suppressed emotions gain control; the hand-holding was probably her seeking the comfort that had been so long denied her. And just maybe Luffy was gripping back too firmly for her to escape. That was also quite possible.

Faint red lines, scratches, crisscrossed my captain's hands.

We ran into Sabo before we'd gone very far. The Revolutionary whistled as he walked, Crocodile, two people I didn't recognize, and Miss Valentine all slung over his shoulder. He tipped his hat when he saw us. "Hi Lu! Everything alright?"

"Yep!" Luffy beamed and bounced in place.

Grinning, Sabo patted his brother on the head. "Good- I tried not to take any of your crew mates' fights, but a couple of guys attacked me. I hope you don't mind-?"

"Nope! S'all good!"

Sabo nodded and turned to me, poking Miss Valentine with his free hand. "Jones, I'm assuming from the location of the bruises and the fact that when I found her, she was muttering something about forces and gravity, this one's yours?"

"Ah, yeah. Thanks; you've saved me a trip going back to find her."

"Don't mention it." Suddenly, Sabo froze. Eyes going wide, he snapped his head to the side to look at Luffy and- "Is that Nico Robin?!"

I grinned. "Yep~"

"And she's-?"

"Joining Luffy's crew, so don't you dare think about poaching her for the Revolutionary Army."

That finally snapped Robin out of her emotionally confused daze. "What? I never said I was joining anyone's crew, or the Revolutionary Army. Let me go!" She started to struggle against Luffy's hold, but even sprouting a few extra arms for aid, she wasn't strong enough to pull away. And attempting to snap his neck just yielded a sigh and a snap as stretched rubber popped back into place.

"I'm being nice cuz you're hurt and you need it," Luffy said grumpily. "I want you to be comfy with us. You're one of mine, and that means I love you and I want you to be happy. We're family- that's what my crew is. Being nice is hard though…" That last bit had a bit of a whine to it.

Robin continued her futile struggles to get free. "No! Release me! I refuse- I'm not joining a pirate crew!"

"And I refuse your refusal!" Luffy pouted and tightened his grip, although not enough to hurt. "You need us and I want to help- and if being nice doesn't work, I'll do something else!"

So saying, the rubber boy switched from gently leading Robin through the streets to wrapping around her like an octopus- the most convoluted, forceful hug I'd ever seen. The archaeologist barely had space to move. But she didn't even try- rather, stiffening, she began to blink rapidly. Her eyes were getting redder and a little watery, though no tears were actually falling.

"Let me go! I can't join you!"

"Robin." My voice came out flat and forceful, like I was arguing with an unruly toddler. Which was sort of what Robin was acting like, with the way her emotions were bursting free all over the place. Twenty years of stress and secrecy do not erode well. "Yes, you can. We can help you; I know where some of the Poneglyphs are, and I have ideas about a few others. You don't have to be alone anymore."

"But…" Robin's voice came out very quiet, "If I join you- If I join you, you'll die. Everyone does… I can't- I can't let that happen again."

Oh dear… She was worrying about that this early… I wondered exactly what we had said that had brought that on. That would have to wait for our talk later, though. Whenever I remembered to have it.

Letting out a huff of laughter, I shook Mr Seven lightly. "No, not everyone. You joined Baroque Works, and they're not dead. Or at least, they don't look dead to me. Do you feel dead?" I addressed the last bit to Mr Seven. He let out a quiet groan in reply.

"Mrrrrrgh…"

"Dereshishishishishi!" Closing her eyes, Robin sprouted a third arm to stifle her laughter. I felt a little bad, taking advantage of her emotional instability, secret sense of humour, and hidden love of cute things, but not too much. I was doing it to try and help her, after all.

Robin got her laughter under control quickly. "But I didn't let myself get attached," she said quietly, fidgeting in Luffy's hold like his hug was preventing her scratching an itch. "Your crew… You say it's like a family. If that's true, I would get attached- your captain wouldn't allow anything else."

"Nope, nope, nope!" Luffy interjected gleefully. Robin sighed.

"Everyone I get attached to dies. That's a fact. I can't do that to anyone, can't hurt anyone like that- not again."

"Is it us you're afraid of hurting," I asked, just as quiet. "Or is it yourself, if you got attached and then ended up losing us?"

Silent, Robin stared at me. Her eyes were full of confused contemplation. I rolled up the ragged remnants of my sleeves, exposing the twelve lines that sliced across my forearms. Even now, so long healed, they stood out dull red against my skin.

"I've never been through anything as bad as you were, and no one's died because of me that I know of, but… I know what it's like to be alone. To one day have a group of people you thought were friends, and the next, find out they'd been using you the whole time and were ready to abandon you without a second thought. I know what it's like to hold the feelings inside until they hurt, until they burst out at the slightest provocation because you haven't let yourself laugh or cry or be angry in years. I know what it's like to curl up in the corner of a dark room and cry yourself to sleep, wrapped in blankets far thicker than warranted by the temperature because that's the only way you feel safe. No one's died because of me, but I know plenty about losing people."

My head bowed forward under the weight of what I was saying; my hat shadowed my eyes. "But I don't have to feel that way anymore. Luffy… The Straw Hats, they saved me, even if I didn't particularly want to be saved at the time. They gave me a place I could be myself, a purpose I enjoyed… I'm the witch of the pirate king, and I'm damn proud of it. And I swear by the fires of Criwe, we won't abandon you and we won't die. After all," here I raised my head with a smirk, "Luffy hasn't claimed his crown yet. None of us are going to die before we see him take the throne."

My captain grinned widely, although with the way he was positioned, there was no way Robin could see it. The archaeologist, however, didn't look convinced. "Little witch… Last time you spoke of faith, and now you're saying you won't die. How can you know that? Everyone dies; how can you claim to know when or where?"

Ouch. Way to throw my initial attitude towards Luffy back in my face, other me. "The same way I know where the Rio Poneglyph is, or that Luffy will be the next pirate king, or that someday Zoro will defeat Mihawk in single combat- because it has to happen that way. There are some things I know, and some I know."

Robin frowned. "How can you have different ways of knowing things? I don't understand."

"Well, maybe if you had a little faith in yourself and in us, you'd see."

"Alright, enough, shut up!" Luffy interrupted before Robin could think of a retort. "You're making my head hurt- I've been doing too much thinking already today. Save your big nasty word fight for later- like when I'm asleep!"

"Aye-aye Captain." I backed down with a rueful smile. Robin was too confused to respond. Right, she didn't understand Luffy logic yet. It would come, it would come. Chuckling, Sabo patted my captain on the head.

We'd still been walking as we spoke, so by now we were in the square in front of the castle wall. Pitted craters dotted the ground, and a section of the wall in front of us was full of holes from drills and minor explosions. I whistled at the sight; those walls were thick, to be able to take that kind of punishment and yet not be breached. It was a near thing, of course, but the wall was still standing.

And we weren't the only ones there. One by one, from every direction, our crew mates were showing up. Almost everybody was carrying or dragging a Baroque Works agent or two- although Mr Three, draped over Ace's shoulder, looked more like he'd been taken out by rubber than flames. The fire logia still had eerie blue and green sparks dancing in his hair from whatever he'd done to extinguish the burning buildings. Of all the agents, Bentham was the only one allowed to move freely as he skipped and spun around Sanji, chattering inanely about nail polish. The cook was doing his best to ignore the okama.

It helped Sanji's crusade that Zoro and Nami arrived holding hands. While I could easily tell that the sailing master was simply keeping the bosun from getting lost, the awkwardness of the pair didn't seem to register with the cook. Sanji's face turned an interesting shade of red; he stormed over to Zoro as he and Nami released each other. A steel-toed shoe spun up towards a moss green head; Zoro blocked with a still-sheathed Yubashiri, his eyes radiating angry confusion.

"Hey! What was that for?!"

"How dare you defile Nami's lovely hands with your great filthy paws?! Uncouth ape!"

"Cool it Shit Cook." Ghin dropped his agents and shoved himself in between Sanji and Zoro. "We're all too tired to deal with you having a tantrum."

"Tired?" Zoro huffed. "Speak for yourself, Old Man." The bosun tried to move around Ghin to get at Sanji, only for his sword to be knocked aside by a spinning tonfa.

"Old man, am I? Really? Well, maybe this old man needs to teach you some manners, Grass-for-Brains!"

"Thunder Tempo- Chain!" Nami fired a small bolt of lightning from the end of her Clima-Tact. It struck Yubashiri, then leapt to Ghin's tonfa and finally Sanji's shoe. All three men fell to the ground, stiff and twitching. The sailing master spun her weapon with a scowl. "You three, enough. Sanji- I was holding Zoro's hand so he didn't get lost. Zoro- don't rise to his bait; it only encourages him. Ghin- you're older than the rest of us; get over it. Any questions?"

All three prone fighters groaned wordless negatives as they slowly got their electrocuted muscles under control. Nami smiled and took her weapon apart. "Excellent."

Johnny and Yosaku took a while to show up- and when they did, it didn't look good. Especially Yosaku. The green hunter was covered in blood, his close torn and charred in much the same manner as mine- although about nine times worse. He didn't have to feel any pain at the moment though, mercifully unconscious. Bruised and battered, Johnny carried his partner, dragging Mr Five behind him. The blue hunter looked like he could collapse at any moment- and then when Ace went over to take the bomb man off his hands, he did collapse. Chopper, arriving at around the same time with Usopp and a bandaged baby bananagator in tow, gasped and rushed to Yosaku's side.

"Ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! What happened?! Yosaku needs a doctor!"

"Ummm…" Usopp sweatdropped. "You're the doctor, Chopper."

"Oh, right." The little reindeer quickly calmed down and began pulling things out of his backpack- bandages, rubbing alcohol, needles, thread, some sort of salve that smelled like Polysporin mixed with iris root, and more hydrogen peroxide than I could shake a stick at. Chopper cleaned, sewed, and bandaged Yosaku's wounds with an efficiency that would've left my uncle impressed, and he's a surgeon.

It was only a few minutes before the little doctor was wiping his hooves clean on a soft, white cloth. "There; he's stable. That'll probably be alright, but I'd like to get him indoors for a while. If we keep him outside, it's more likely that something will get in his wounds and cause an infection."

"There are guest rooms you can use in the castle," Vivi's voice called out from an alleyway. "It's the least we can do after all your help; I'm sure my father will agree."

The princess and Lisa were the last to arrive, riding up on Carue. Draped over the duck's back behind them were a couple of people somehow managing to sleep despite being in absolutely terrible condition. Seriously, it looked like they'd been caught in a lab accident! The either-kills-you-or-gives-you-superpowers kind. Green paint in a familiar rune explained why they were dead to the world. I shook my head in disbelief. Wow… If I was supposed to be a witch, what did that make Lisa?

Bouncing in place- although he had yet to release Robin from his Gordian Knot of a hug- Luffy beamed. "Thanks Vivi!"

"You're all wel- what's she doing here?" Aaaaaaand the Peacock Slashers were out, although not spinning. Yet. Riiiiiiiight… Vivi didn't know anything about Robin and still thought the archaeologist was one of the masterminds behind the war in her kingdom. Damage control, I needed to do damage control.

Mentally apologizing to Robin for the fact that what I was about to say might make her look like a fool, I began putting my English degree to good use. Please Criwe, master of fire, law, and mischief, let Robin keep quiet and play along. "None of this is her fault. Crocodile was using Miss All Sunday as much as anyone else; he played her just like he played the citizens of Alabasta. There's something your family's been guarding for generations that she desperately wants to see- something Crocodile convinced her she could find only with his help."

"That said," Spinning on my heel, I turned to face Robin. "Crocodile never would have kept up his end of the deal. He intended to kill you after you read it- and it's not the one you're looking for anyway. The one you want is on or near Raftel; this one says the location of Pluton."

If the archaeologist had been about to protest me making her sound like a gullible dupe, that shut her up. She deflated, collapsing to her knees and looking like she might be fighting back tears again. "All… Everything I did… Everything he made me do… All that and it's just a weapon?"

Oh good, she was willing to play along. That, or she was too stunned to do anything else. Or I'd hit close enough to the truth that it didn't really bother her. Didn't matter. "Aye… Sorry. Did- did you still want to read it? I don't think there's anything else on it, but I could be wrong. I don't always remember things correctly…"

"No…" Robin sighed heavily. Her head dropped, chin coming to rest on one of Luffy's tightly-wound arms. "No- if it's just one of the weapons, I have no interest in it."

Everyone looked confused, although they didn't get a chance to question us. More footsteps were approaching up one of the main streets- three people, moving quickly- and there was a strange flapping, dragging noise coming from a nearby alley. The source of the footsteps reached us first- Jack and Mairead, not really looking like they'd had anything much to do with any of the fighting. And with them was –

"IGARAM!" Vivi's joyful shout hurt my ears. The princess flung herself off of her duck and wrapped her arms around the old soldier. Tears glittered at the corners of her eyes. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!"

"Oh di-! Mi mi mi mi mi! Oh dear…" The captain of the royal guard hugged his princess back, rubbing her back in soothing circles. "No, your highness, I'm not dead. I did have some trouble getting here, though- someone blew the rudder off my boat. If it wasn't for some helpful marines going the same way, I may never have reached home."

"Are they here? I wish to thank them."

Igaram nodded. "They're restocking at the closest port. Well, most of them- the captain and his right hand are on their way to Alubarna. I told them everything about Crocodile… Although I see you and your little pirate friends didn't need the help." Chuckling ruefully, the guard captain released the princess and took a step back, holding her at arms' length. "I'm so proud of you, and I'm sure your father will be too."

"It was the Straw Hats who did most of the fighting," Vivi murmured, eyes drifting to one side. Igaram barked with laughter.

"And I'm sure your father will have many, many good things to say to them too."

About then, the other approaching sound- the flapping and dragging- reached a crescendo. Igaram and Vivi fell silent as out of an alleyway popped- an otter and a vulture dragging a handcuffed secret agent and a catatonic teenage girl? Even on the Grand Line, that's not something you see every day. I raised my hand to wave at the Unluckies- and then paused, because Thirteen was wearing a tiny Mountie uniform and it was adorable.

"You're so cute!" Diving forwards, I scooped the otter up and began cuddling him. His hat flew off with the sudden movement, allowing me to rub his little head. Ruatha squawked and dove away, protesting my leap.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sanji jerk, his eyes going wide. The cook promptly covered his face with one hand. A tiny fleck of red oozed its way out from under his finger a second later.

The object of my affection barked loudly in surprise and immediately started writing. Unhand me this instant you hoser! I'm an officer of the Queen's Royal Police of Newfin Island- you can't manhandle me like this! Although the head rubs do feel nice… As soon as his sign was done, the otter hit me over the head with it and used my surprise as an opportunity to squirm free. Safely out of my arms, Thirteen stood beside Friday and held up another sign- this one significantly less hastily prepared.

My name is Drifter; this is my partner, Geier. We tool the liberty of capturing Thursday and Eleven- although the latter's name is Leonard Williams and we will be turning him over to the custody of Her Majesty's Royal Police as soon as we can find a ship heading for Newfin Island. You may retain possession of Thursday; she has no Newfin warrant out for her arrest, so what happens to her is outside my jurisdiction.

…

WHAT?!

I stared, not comprehending what I was seeing. Because why, if Thirteen- sorry, Drifter- was a police officer had the Unluckies been out of work after Baroque Works' defeat? Couldn't they just have gone back to this Newfin Island place and found work with his old force? Blinking slowly, I pointed at the otter's bright red jacket and black-and-gold striped pants.

"You… Mountie… But… Argh!" My brain hurt. Wandering over to the scuffed, pitted castle wall, I began beating my forehead rhythmically against it. The invisible hands that seemed to follow me everywhere patted my shoulder consolingly- although I got the feeling they were also laughing. Just a little. Gods above and below I needed to find out where that presence came from.

Quick scribbling noises behind me; I turned my head to see Drifter holding up another sign. Your assessment of us as having no place to go after Baroque Works fell wasn't wrong. I could go home any time I liked… Legally. But if I return without the one I was sent out to capture, it will be in disgrace. They won't strip me of my badge or anything… But everyone will know. I could never live with the feeling of letting him get away. A Mountie always gets his man- no matter how long it takes. I was hoping to use Crocodile's organization to help me find him, but obviously, that didn't work out. My next choice would probably have been the marines; they may move slower than syrup in a snowstorm, but when it comes to quantity of information available, there are few better. But if you still think you can find us a better placement, I'm all ears.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH?! Nope, still couldn't handle this. It was all too much; my writer must be going off her rocker to give such a minor character such a detailed backstory. That, or I was hallucinating again. I didn't feel that tired, but that didn't mean I wasn't. Or maybe I accidentally drank cactus juice- although I couldn't tell when that might've happened. Ah, didn't matter- whether I was hallucinating due to tiredness or cactus juice, I should probably lie down either way. Spinning on the ball of my foot, I turned and started heading for the castle gate.

Ghin's voice grumbled behind me. "Jones… Where're you going?"

Raising one hand high over my head, I flipped him off without turning around. You don't need to monitor my every move, Ghin. "Bed. I'm going to find a bed and sleep until the world decides to start making sense again." To clarify- Grand Line sense, dear readers. I'm not dumb enough to try and sleep until the world started making sense by Earth standards. That's not called sleep; it's called becoming a vegetable.

"Thunder Tempo!" The smell of ozone filled my nose as the air split with a sharp crack. Before I'd taken six steps, a charge hit me in the back. Down I went, muscles stiffening beyond my control. At least I was able to absorb the force of the resulting face-to-street connection.

"Tabarnak!" I yelped as soon as I could control the muscles in my face again. "What was that for?!"

My crew mates all turned as one to look at Ghin. He shrugged. "Sorry, not this time. Wasn't on her away team, so I didn't think I'd need it."

"Need what?" Maybe it was the recent electrocution talking, but I had no idea what people were talking about.

Groaning and rubbing her temples, Nami pointed at the remains of my shirt. "You're not wandering through the castle dressed like that! Get a shirt on! You're not Ace!"

Nami's comment made Ace- knowing what he knew about being my favourite character and all- burst out laughing. "Bwahahahahahahahahaha!"

Sabo immediately swatted his brother with a Haki-infused pipe, silencing the logia. "It's not funny Ace! And don't ever laugh like Garp ever again! You'll give me flashbacks!"

"Sorry, sorry." Ace winced. His skin was pale between his freckles. "I don't know where it came from, honest. Maybe the same place as you laughing like Luffy."

"Except that isn't scary!"

A glance back at Nami revealed that she was considering zapping Ace and Sabo, but eventually decided against it. Sighing, the sailing master marched over to the Revolutionary and jabbed the thunder segment of her Clima-Tact at his chest. "You- take of your coat."

"What?!"

"Take. Off. Your. Coat."

"Alright, alright, calm down." Sabo did as he was told, handing Nami his royal blue jacket. "Sheesh… And I thought going on leave would get me away from bossy redheads for a week or so."

"Thank you." Turning, Nami flung Sabo's coat over my shoulders before I'd even regained my feet, tugging my arms into the sleeves and cinching everything closed with brusque efficiency. "And you… You need to stop taking so much clothing damage! It's not appropriate! If you can't stop putting yourself in those sorts of situations, maybe you need to get armour or something- that won't rip so easily!"

"No! If I wear heavy armour, I lose my speed and AC bonuses and can't use my Flurry of Blows!" I waved my arms as I spoke; Sabo's sleeves- far too long for my arms- flopped around me. His whole coat was huge on me, like a great woolen dress. And hot- how could he bear to wear this in the desert?

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Nami informed me. "What I do know is that you seem to have been destroying a shirt for every two islands since you got your powers, and I'm not expanding your budget to keep up with that kind of damage. You need something more durable, at least to wear under your clothes if you want to still look like a normal person on the surface. Although at the rate you go through clothing, you'd end up just running around in your armour anyways."

"And why can't I have an expanded budget?" I wanted to know. "I'm the one who came up with the bounty hunting scheme, and I'm the one who knows where to find treasure in the future and how to make the most of it. And it's not like I'm spending it on worthless stuff like Luffy would!"

Our captain, still wrapped around Robin like an octopus on a clam, cut in indignantly. "Hey! I wouldn't-!"

Nami and I both turned to stare at him. In a second, we went from arguing to speaking in unison. "Would you or would you not spend every beri you had on candy and windup toys?"

"Meep!" Luffy shrunk down, hiding his head behind Robin's. The archaeologist wasn't very helpful; once more, she was left stiffening and stifling her own laughter.

Turning back to each other, Nami and I opened our mouths to continue our debate. We didn't get a chance to, though. Zoro marched over before either of us could speak, Chopper hanging off one of his arms as the reindeer bandaged the bosun's bleeding bicep. The swordsman picked me up with his good hand and slung me up behind his shoulder, carrying me in a way that reminded me of some pictures I'd seen of movie stars carrying their jackets.

"You two can fight about money later. Right now, everyone needs to rest. Hey Vivi," Zoro glanced over at the stunned princess, "Where're those guest rooms you said we could use?"

"Huh? Oh, this way!" Vivi pointed to the castle gate and immediately moved to guide our crew in. "Just follow me." She and Igaram led the way as our crew- plus Ace, Sabo, and a quartet of former Baroque Works agents- headed inside. A couple of guards came after a few minutes to take the unconscious agents we were carrying. They must've been a skeleton crew, left behind to guard the king while the rest of the Royal Army was out trying to get the fires under control. Both were teenagers, inexperienced- although at least they knew enough to acquiesce when Drifter handed them a paper detailing reasons why Eleven was to be kept separate from the others and how the Newfin fugitive was to be treated.

Or maybe it was the otter's snarl and sharp little teeth that convinced them.

A familiar man appeared around a corner as we made our way to the second floor, tall with long hair. Cobra. The king looked askance at us as we paused. "Vivi? Are these the rest of your pirate friends?"

"Y-Yes Daddy!" The princess smiled. "I was just leading them to the fourth-floor guest suite. And Daddy- Igaram survived! He's back!"

Cobra chuckled. "I see that. It's good to have you back Igaram; would you care to rest, or would you like to make your report now? I assume you have a report, since you and my daughter have been away on your under-cover mission for quite some time."

"Your Majesty." Igaram bowed. "I would like to clean myself up first, if you don't mind, but I can be ready to give you my report in two hours."

"Of course, of course. There's no rush Igaram; I'm sure you've had a trying couple of years, and Vivi and her friends have already filled me in on most of the details."

Igaram nodded. "Of course. Thank you, Your Majesty." Turning to Vivi, the captain of the guard bowed again. "I'll be taking my leave now, your highness. Have fun with your pirate friends."

Still smiling, Vivi hugged her guard again before he left. "You too, Igaram. The having fun part, I mean. I'm so glad you're home safe."

"Me too, your highness. Me too." Extricating himself from the embrace with surprising dignity, Igaram trotted off, presumably in the direction of his quarters.

Reaching out, Cobra rested a hand on Vivi's shoulder. "Darling, I leave our guests in your capable hands. Although… Please try to have them presentable for a public audience the day after tomorrow." The king didn't explain what he meant by that; his eyes twinkled as he took a step back. Vivi must've had some idea though, since her smile grew even wider as she bowed.

"Of course Daddy!"

Wait, what? The day after tomorrow… I counted quickly as we resumed out walk towards the guest quarters. Let's see… I remembered Luffy missing fifteen meals when he was asleep after his fight with Crocodile, because everyone's reaction to him counting five meals a day was hilarious. Which meant we had at least three days. Okay, doing a thing the day after tomorrow shouldn't put us off schedule. I sighed in relief as we arrived at our destination. Good. None of the time-sensitive stuff should be affected.

The guest suite Vivi was offering us appeared to have been designed for visiting nobles with large entourages. It had five rooms- a sitting room, a master bedroom, a small washroom, what appeared to be a walk-in closet, and servants' quarters that in and of themselves were large enough to house our entire crew. The whole thing was decorated with pale, polished wood; bright, intricate goldwork; and gauzy green cotton. I could see Nami casing the place, assessing the value of each lamp and bedspread; luckily, so could Ghin. A quirk of his eyebrow was enough to remind the sailing master that this was a friend's house, immediately leaving her looking sheepish.

Vivi clapped her hands together as we looked around. "There's a bathhouse and sauna down on the first floor- the castle was built on a hot spring. I recommend all of you head down there when you're ready- no offense, but most of you reek of blood, sweat, and gunpowder. I reek of blood, sweat, and gunpowder. In fact, I'll be heading down to the baths now if anyone wants to come with me."

A bath- an actual hot bath, not the sort of vaguely lukewarm water we got on the Going Merry? Count me in. I dropped my hat, weapons, and belts on a bed in the corner, claiming it- and how had my utility belt and bandoliers survived the explosion when my shirt hadn't? They were just as much in the line of fire. Unable to think of an explanation, I put it out of my mind for the moment. Instead, I opened a few of my pockets to let their inhabitants out. Samsung slid out onto the bed with a broad grin; the snails I'd taken from Rain Dinners were far more reluctant to emerge, and looked terrified when they did so.

"But what about Yosaku?" Chopper squeaked. "We can't just leave him here alone!" Hooves flailing, the little reindeer pointed at the bed where Johnny had laid his unconscious partner- only to see the green hunter struggling to sit up.

"I- I'm okay, Li'l Bro. Long as someone helps me get there and back… Hot springs might feel good right about now." Yosaku winced as he managed to prop himself up against the headboard. "Ergh… My everything hurts…"

"S'what you get for tanking an explosion Bro." Johnny's voice was clogged; a single tear rolled out from under his sunglasses. "You shouldn't've pushed me outta the way like that."

"Already told you- couldn't stand it if I lost you." Yosaku reached out and pulled Johnny down to kiss him. Everyone had different reactions to this, despite knowing in theory that the hunters were together. Vivi, Nami, Lisa, and I cooed- because damn, despite all the bandages and injuries, that was somehow adorable. Ruatha cooed because I did; he didn't understand. Sanji averted his eyes, uncomfortable with seeing something so intimate. Zoro, Robin, and Ghin did nothing, while Luffy looked confused. Ace and Sabo groaned softly and looked like they were praying their little brother wouldn't ask any questions. Drifter and Geier ignored the sight completely, grooming each other. And dear little Chopper looked up at Usopp with shining eyes, tugging on the gunner's pants.

"So… does this mean Johnny and Yosaku are mates?"

"Um… Er… Yes!" Usopp's face was bright red. "That's why no one's supposed to go on deck when they're on watch together- some of us have seen things that were not meant to be seen."

"Ah. Okay then." Chopper nodded thoughtfully.

It was Zoro who changed the subject, much to the relief of Sanji, Ace, and Sabo. The bosun carefully propped his swords up beside his chosen bed, then took off his bandanna and haramaki and laid them out on the sheets. "Well, I dunno about the rest of you, but I'm heading down to the hot spring. Haven't been to a decent onsen since I left Shimotsuki…"

"I'll go with you to make sure you don't get lost!" Usopp volunteered quickly, his voice just a shade too loud for the indoors.

Everyone quickly claimed their beds after that, laying weapons and accessories on and around them as a physical dibs. We were all ready to follow Vivi to that baths within moments- even Robin, although Luffy had removed her cowboy hat for her and used it to mark her place on a bed between mine and Nami's. He was also still leading the archaeologist by one hand as we all headed out, as if afraid that if he let go, she would try to escape again.

"You know," Nami mused as we made out way down to the baths, "I think tonight might be the first time you're sleeping in the same room as the rest of us, Jones."

I shrugged. "Gonna give it a try. If I'm still too uncomfortable, one night without sleep won't kill me and I'll find a new spot tomorrow."

The sailing master nodded. "Fair enough."

When we arrived at the baths, Sanji drooped in disappointment on learning there were separate sides for men and women. I snickered. Then I nudged Ruatha to get down off my shoulders. My dragon obeyed with a confused chirp, sitting beside Johnny's feet. I poked his scaly forehead.

"You need to go on the boy's side, bud. And be good; no fighting with Sharpie or anything like that." The aforementioned bananagator glanced up from where he was dozing between Chopper's antlers and snapped a couple of times; I swear if it were physically possible for gators to stick their tongues out, he would've done so. Ruatha turned his head to hiss at the smaller reptile. But my dragon was a good boy; he did as I said with only a token protest.

That left me with Nami, Vivi, Lisa, Robin, and Geier as we headed into the bathhouse. Despite Luffy's apparent worry, the archaeologist made no attempt to leave us and even undressed without issue, content to join the rest of us in the warm water. I couldn't tell if she'd accepted that resistance was futile, or if she was biding her time for the right chance to escape. Of course, either way, by the time that chance came, she wouldn't want it any more. We'd make sure of that.

And then I took Sabo's coat off. Nami, Vivi, and Lisa- all of whom knew what was there- winced in spite of themselves; Geier hissed and fluffed up her feathers. Even Robin frowned in concern. "Those scars… What happened to you? How are you still alive?"

I shrugged, causing the handprint shapes on my shoulder blades to move like flapping wings. "Almost eaten by a T-Rex, and pissed off an overprotective firebrand. As for how I'm alive- stubbornness and plot armour, mostly. We also happen to have the best doctor in the world, who was able to patch me up before I bled out or succumbed to infection."

Chopper apparently heard me over the dividing wall, because my words were immediately followed by a "Calling me the best doctor in the world won't make me happy, asshole!"

Sinking into the warm water was wonderful. I sighed happily; I hadn't had a bath like this since coming to the One Piece world. That was months ago. Between the heat and the fact that I was neck-deep in water, I felt as limp as a boiled noodle, but I couldn't bring myself to care. This was heavenly. Closing my eyes, I revelled in the slightly sulphuric scent of the steam rising around me.

"Ooh, this is lovely," Nami moaned as she joined me in the water. Vivi's hair swished loudly as the princess nodded.

"It's probably one of the things I missed most while I was away." Vivi groaned softly. I could hear the stress and tension seeping out of her as she climbed into the bath.

Robin chuckled softly as she joined us. Seconds later, she was followed by a surprisingly heavy splash as Lisa jumped in. The little painter giggled. "Oh, it's so warm! And there are bubbles!"

Geier didn't join us in the bath proper, preferring to splash around in the puddles on the edges. Vultures don't really like to swim. But the steam was probably more than enough to clean her feathers anyway.

A great deal of scuffling and splashing indicated movement on the men's side. I rolled my head in the direction of the wall, eyes still closed. "Sanji… If you and anyone else are planning on peeping, keep in mind that I'm capable of absorbing the combined force of feminine rage in the room and concentrating it into a single strike to the gonads. Amplified."

A voice on the other side of the dividing wall meeped; it was followed by a scrambling noise, a loud thud and splash, and the sound of draconic screeching overlaid with yelled insults. "Merde! Don't stand so close behind people, Shitty Dragon! You're gonna kill someone like that! Tête de noeud!"

"Reym!" Ruatha shrieked back.

"Sesehihihihihi!" I shook my head and grinned, eyes still closed. "Just remember bud, if you kill off the cook, you have to deal with me making dinner until we get a new one."

That made my dragon- who hadn't even been born for the ginger incident, dammit- shriek in protest. Opening my eyes, I groped around for a bar of soap and launched it over the dividing wall. And of course- with how my weirdly horrible aim works- because I couldn't see my target, the soap beaned Ruatha in the head first try. My dragon squawked indignantly. Even though I couldn't see him, I stuck out my tongue.

"That's what you get for mocking me!"

Nami groaned. "Jones… can't you just relax and let us enjoy this for five minutes?"

"Eheheheh… Sorry…" I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly. "That was a common complaint about me back home- I don't really know how to relax. Of course, other people thought I relaxed too much… I can't win, can I?"

A loud splash sounded on the other side of the wall. It was followed by Sabo putting in his two cents. "If you think you don't know how to relax, you should come over here and look at your swordsman. He's doing kata- in the bath."

"Oi! Water resistance helps increase strength!" Zoro's growl of protest was punctuated by another loud splash, as well as the sound of a freshly-inundated gentleman spitting out water and sputtering.

Lisa bounced in place, splashing water over my head. "They sound like they're having fun over there- I wanna have a splash fight too!"

Geier and Nami shrieked in protest at the same time. "No!"

Pouting, the little painter scuffed the bottom of the bath with her foot. "Fine… I'll find something else to do then." Water swirled in lazy spirals as Lisa made her way over to me. "Hey Jones… Can I paint you?"

"Um…" My brain froze. "Please don't. Remember what happened last time?"

Lisa shook her head. "No, not paint as in paint. Paint as in makeup. Make you all pretty and colourful! And I could braid your hair too! Although I guess if I wanted, I could use makeup as a medium to deliver my Colour Traps." A thoughtful look came over her face.

"Please don't." I sank lower into the water, up to my eyeballs. But Lisa just stared at me, her expression slowly morphing into a pout, complete with quivering lip. And were her eyes starting to water? I rose up out of the bath enough to make some better protests. "Look, I don't have any makeup, and neither do you. So we can't do that right now, right?"

"Actually…" Vivi looked sheepish, although her eyes were dancing. "You could use some of mine if you like."

I shot the princes a glare and opened my mouth to come up with more arguments. Unfortunately, Nami spoke up before I could. "I'd like to help too. It'd be nice to see Jones looking like an actual girl for once."

"Nope! Not happening!" Hauling myself out of the water, I took off towards the changeroom. I got maybe three steps before a bunch of arms sprouted from the floor, grabbed me by the ankles, and stopped me dead. I went down, landing on my face on wet stone. Thank you, Force-Force Fruit, for preventing that stunt from breaking my nose. A glance to the side showed that Robin had gotten out of the bath at the same time I did. The archaeologist didn't say anything, but there was a small smile on her face as she held her arms folded in front of her. I groaned in defeat.

"Just so you know… I hate all of you right now."

That didn't deter them in the slightest. Vivi ran to get her makeup while Robin sprouted more arms to flip me over and hold me in position for the operation. I glared at the archaeologist the hardest. "You- you keep protesting that you're not one of us! Which you are, but that's besides the point. If you're trying not to get attached, why are you helping them?!"

"Think of it as revenge for the confusing haze of emotions you and your captain keep putting me through," Robin chuckled wryly.

Lisa braided my hair while they were waiting for the princess to get back. Which was… painful. She pulled too hard and ripped knots out with her fingers. This was why I didn't like people doing stuff to my hair. It never looked good and it almost always hurt on the way there. I growled; Nami smirked and poked me on the nose. "Ah, ah, ah, Jones. Play nice, or we'll pierce your ears too while we've got you down here."

Merde. I clamped my mouth shut and forced myself to go limp, because no way in the Nine Hells. On the men's side, Luffy's confused voice rose over the sound of splashing. "How's that a threat? And why'd it make Jones look more like a girl anyway? Zoro and Ghin have pierced ears."

Then hands appeared on the top of the dividing wall, followed shortly by a head of messy, sopping black hair as Luffy pulled himself up with a rubbery snap. "Do it Nami! Pierce Jones' ears like Zoro and Ghin have! It'll look cool!"

Drip. Drip. Drip.

For about thirty seconds, the only sounds came from water, dripping, sloshing, and splashing. And even most of those were much quieter than they'd been moments before. Everyone on the women's side of the baths was staring up at Luffy- and I'm willing to bet that everyone on the men's side was too. Eventually, the silence was broken by Sanji and I letting out simultaneous roars of protest- albeit over very different subject matter.

"Osti d'épais de marde! You're not getting a needle within ten feet of my ears, comprendez? Mon tabarnak j'vais te décalisser la yeule, calice!"

"Why does the shitty captain get to look over when Jones threatened to bust my balls if I peeped?!"

"Because Luffy has the sex drive of a wet leaf! We don't care what he sees!" Nami hollered at the cook. Then she turned and flicked me in the forehead. "And it was a joke. Sheesh."

Up on the wall, Luffy pouted. "I still think it'd be cool… Why doesn't Jones want pierced ears? Lots of pirates have 'em- right?"

"I just don't."

"Okay…" Luffy dropped back down to the men's side with a wet thud. He was immediately accosted by Sanji, mumbling something incoherent about lucky bastards and the promised land. While the cook's speech was incomprehensible, though, the captain's response was perfectly clear- even if it didn't really make much sense without context. "I dunno… Soft? Like they're supposed to, I guess. How'd I know?"

Vivi returned shortly after that. And then? Then I was in Hell. With Robin holding me down, I was unable to escape as Lisa and Nami began poking and prodding at my face, comparing colours and humming. I didn't understand half of what was coming out of their mouths. And even Geier was getting in on the action- the vulture had hopped over and was meddling around with my fingers, doing something I couldn't see due to the plethora of arms around me.

"It helps that Jones and Vivi have similar eye colours and complexion- although Jones' eyes are a bit greyer and a lot of these tones are meant to go with blue hair…" Nami sighed as she brushed something across my face. "And this concealer works wonders. I can barely see her scars."

The princess smiled and pulled out a pair of tweezers. Oh no, she wouldn't… Apparently she would. Vivi began plucking at my eyebrows as she replied. "I know. It- it's one Kohza bought me, years ago, to hide scrapes from my father when we'd been out on missions for the Suna-Suna Clan."

Lisa held up a stick of garishly bright red lipstick. "Do you think this colour would look good?"

No, no I did not. But Nami hummed in consideration and finally nodded. "Yes. That's the same shade of red as the band on her hat. Nice eye, Lisa."

"Well, I am a painter."

Finished her assault on my eyebrows, Vivi put the tweezers away. What she pulled out though… Nu-uh. That was some sort of torture device. "Jones, I'm going to need you to keep your eyes open for a few seconds- no matter what I do, you can't blink."

No! No, I was closing my eyes, thank you very much. But when I tried, Robin sprouted more hands to hold them open. Vivi nodded her thanks as she applied what I assume was mascara. And then they immediately forced me to close my eyes so they could brush several different things on top of my eyelids. While the princess and the archaeologist were doing this, Lisa darted in underneath them to apply her chosen lipstick.

A rather pitiful whine escaped me. I'd never felt so helpless in my life. "Ghin… Save me."

"Sorry Jones, but between what you threatened the shit cook with earlier, what Nami would do to me, and how disappointed Lisa would be if I interrupted, you couldn't pay me to come over that wall."

Geier finished whatever she'd been doing to my fingers as Nami was brushing something powdery onto my already concealer-laden cheeks. Whatever it was got on my nose as well- and in it, making my nostrils itch something fierce. The vulture moved on to my toes with a questioning clack of her beak. And somehow, somehow, Vivi understood what she was asking. "Don't worry, it's all waterproof. I could show you where to buy some when you're restocking tomorrow. Um… You are restocking tomorrow, right? You'll stick around for a couple days for what Father has planned?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Nami told her. "Hmm… Would you also be able to help us find somewhere we could get some leather armour or something for Jones?"

"And a dress!" Lisa piped up.

That was the last straw for me. Nope, nope, nope; I do not wear dresses, ever. Biting the nearest of Robin's hands- which caused the rest of them to disappear in puffs of flower petals as she rubbed her newly-injured limb- I scrambled away from my tormentors. Dark purple glinted on my hands and feet as I moved. Nail polish. Only… I remembered just then that I'd taken my glasses off before coming entering the bath. They were back in the changeroom. Which I was being forced to run away from due to the presence of the other girls.

Tabarnak.

Unable to see, I stepped on a bar of soap. It skidded along the floor, taking my balance with it and sending me flying. I crashed into the dividing wall with a loud thud, then immediately fell onto my back on the floor. Twin charges of force shot through me. Ergh… I thought that sort of thing only happened in ani-

Oh. Right.

Getting to my feet, I placed one hand on the wall to guide myself as I edged around. Hopefully I'd be able to get to the door without being grabbed again. My itching nose wasn't making it any easier to find my way either. Aiiiiiieeeeeee… It was so bad it was making my eyes water. Stopping where I was, I tried valiantly to hold in the impending sneeze. Fate- or my writer- had other plans though.

"HAAAAAAATCHOOOOOOOOOOO!"

To say my sneeze was explosive would be an understatement- if we're talking metaphorically. The noise echoed around the bathroom like someone had fired a cannon; the other girls all clapped their hands- or in Geier's case, wings- over their ears. However, if we're speaking literally… Yeah, explosive is probably a pretty good description for a sneeze that caused me to release a burst of force and destroy the dividing wall between the baths.

Silence reigned in the aftermath of the eruption. The men stared through the hole that had been so violently formed between the two sections. Then several things happened at once. Sanji's nose began to pour blood as his eyes turned into pulsing, glowing hearts, causing the cook to cover his face with both hands. The sight of the blood made Chopper squeak loudly and rush to Sanji's aid. Ghin groaned and rubbed his temples. Lisa squealed and dove into the water, hiding in a cloud of soap suds. And Drifter, completely unfazed, held up one of his signs.

Wow. That concealer really did do an amazing job with her scars.

Nami's eyes glowed red; the sailing master glared at the men so hard, I was surprised she wasn't somehow managing to create a hurricane even without her Clima-Tact. "You… Everyone except Luffy, Chopper, and Drifter- 50,000 beri for peeping. Each."

Johnny squawked in protest. "Hey! Me'n Yosaku aren't even interested in girls!"

"You're still looking though!" the sailing master snapped. Then she turned her glare on me. "And Jones… You've just earned yourself a 50,000,000 beri debt for taking down that wall!"

"It wasn't on purpose!" I scrambled to hide myself behind some of the rubble that had resulted from my explosive sneeze. On the other side of the hole, Vivi was doing the same. Neither Nami nor Robin appeared too bothered by the situation, standing out in the open as they were.

"And that's why your debt's not even bigger!" Grabbing a towel from the side of the room, Nami soaked it in bath water and flicked it at me.

I scrambled away as fast as I could, heading for the door to the changeroom. "Oi! That hurts!"

"It's supposed to!"

As I reached the door and yanked it open, I heard one last comment from the men's side. This time it was Zoro's voice, low and mildly approving. "See Sabo? I'm not the only one- Jones had her weights on in the bath."

SLAM! I shut the door as fast as I could to avoid anymore of that awkward situation. Underneath the heavy coating of makeup, I could feel my face heating up. Merde… This was not a good day. My embarrassment levels were so high they were about to cook my brain. I'd never expected anything like that to happen- and I suffered clothing damage at a rate approaching fanservice in an adult manga!

And to make matters worse, I'd just gotten myself in debt to Nami.

X

Nami stepped out of the changeroom, running her fingers through her hair as a makeshift brush. Still damp… That bath had felt so good. If the Going Merry were larger- and plumbing less expensive- she'd have advocated for getting a bath like that on the ship. Sadly, it just wasn't possible.

Robin wasn't far behind her; for all the older woman's protests that she wasn't one of them, she didn't seem to be trying all that hard to leave. Then again… Robin had been part of an organization that was trying to overthrow the country, even if she personally didn't care for that goal. She was probably worried she'd be arrested if caught wandering alone. Which… Nami frowned. There was something faintly familiar there, beyond just having met Robin briefly as they left Whiskey Peak. The sailing master bit her lip, thinking. She'd seen Robin somewhere else, before that- maybe on one of the bounty posters Johnny and Yosaku carried with them everywhere.

If that was it, they might have to start being more careful around marines and such. Couldn't keep the bounty hunter act up easily with a crewmember who had a bounty.

Wincing at the thought, Nami turned to shoot Robin a reassuring smile. The older woman returned her look with one of confusion. "What is it, Baryshnya Navigator?"

Sighing, Nami looked away, turning her attention to the vibrant paintings on the walls. Lovely, and probably worth a lot- but impossible to detach, even if they belonged to someone she was willing to steal from. Which she would never do to Vivi.

"It's… Just… I know Luffy can be a bonehead and insensitive about things, once he decides you're one of us- my recruitment was no picnic either- but… You know you can trust us, right? Luffy doesn't word things well, and he's too forceful sometimes, but his heart's in the right place."

"I see…"

"He saved me," Nami offered. Because no, Robin didn't see. Not yet. She wouldn't see until she knew what lengths the crew would go to when helping one of their own. "He saved all of us. From our prides, our fears… Our pasts."

Robin didn't answer. Nami sighed. Maybe… Maybe in order to make the older woman adjust, it would help if they all told their recruitment stories. Maybe then Robin would see that she wasn't alone. But for that… For that, the entire crew would need to be together. So it would just have to wait for now. The sailing master sighed again before descending into an awkward silence.

Footsteps and the brush of expensive fabric on stone drew Nami's attention as she and Robin walked back towards the crew's rooms. They rounded the corner to see King Cobra striding towards her. He paused at the sight of them.

"Hello. You're the sailing master of that crew Vivi hired- Nami, right?" Cobra glanced from Nami to Robin. "And… Hello. I'm not sure we were ever introduced, but your face… Nico Robin?"

"Yep, that's me." Nami wasn't sure whether to be on her guard or not. She usually was, around expensively dressed men, but… She wasn't trying to steal from this one. Although the fact that he knew Robin's name without being told set her slightly on edge. "What can I do for you?"

Robin said nothing, just nodded politely. But without meeting Cobra's eyes.

The king fidgeted, actually looking… nervous. "I have a reward for your crew, if you care for it. It's not much, and I don't know if you'll actually be able to make any use of it, but… A little bird told me that it was part of the problems we were having with Crocodile in the first place, so maybe others might be interested… And unlike most, I'm fairly certain I can trust you."

Cobra's words appeared to leave Robin deeply confused- probably wondering how anyone could trust a bunch of pirates, even if they did save his country. Nami could understand that feeling. They'd find a way to make Robin understand someday, though. Hopefully soon.

As for the moment at hand? The word reward piqued Nami's interest. She'd been under the impression that however it was King Cobra was planning to thank them, it would be happening in a day or two. Publicly. So this- an offer of a reward mentioned in an isolated hallway, not even in front of the whole crew- was mildly suspicious.

To say the least.

Maybe it was treasure, said the part of Nami's mind that probably would've turned to piracy and theft even without meeting Arlong. Maybe it's something rare and valuable that most citizens don't even know exists in Alabasta, and that people would be upset with their king for giving away. Nobles sometimes have things like that, right? Or maybe with the recent civil war, he doesn't want it advertised that he's giving pirates something of value when the country is already in dire straits…

The sailing master felt her eyes shift into beri symbols at the word treasure. Cobra shot her an odd look. "Are you alright, Miss Nami? I… Don't often see people's eyes become currency, except for a few of the more unstable merchants I've known."

"Yeah," she mumbled dazedly, head still in the clouds. "Perfectly alright. Never better."

Not that Nami had any idea what they would do with any treasure they found or were given- aside from funding Luffy's bottomless pit of a stomach and Jones' habit of destroying clothes. Now that she was out from under Arlong's control, money just… didn't seem to matter so much, most of the time. Although she still wanted to have it, if anything came up.

That, and gold and silver and gems were just so pretty. She'd like to have some just for herself, not necessarily to worry about selling or anything.

Robin made a little noise of understanding as Nami drew herself out of her thoughts. Understanding and… resignation? Did this have something to do with what Jones had said earlier- about the thing Vivi's family had been guarding for generations? The thing that was one of the things Robin was looking for, but at the same time wasn't one she wanted? The weapon?

Even if that was the case, it didn't stop Robin from following along with Nami as the king turned and stepped down a nearby hallway, motioning for them to follow.

Cobra led the two women through a series of winding passages, eventually coming out into one of the main courtyards. There was a small building off to one side. The king headed for it with an unswerving course. His steps were heavy; his head was bowed.

"This mausoleum is the place where all my ancestors are buried- along with their greatest secrets." Cobra rested one hand on the door of the building with a heavy sigh. "No one but the ruling monarch goes inside. Until now."

The door opened with an ominous sound, sandstone rubbing on granite. A cloud of dust rose as sunlight shone on a set of dusty stone steps- the mausoleum obviously hadn't been opened in years. Cobra lit a torch before heading inside; Nami pulled out a handkerchief and covered her mouth and nose with it as she followed. Robin coughed and raised a hand to shield her face.

Each step was cushioned by several years worth of dust. It felt almost like a carpet beneath their feet.

At the bottom of the stairs was a long, wide hallway with alcoves off the sides. Many were empty, but a number of the alcoves contained stone sarcophagi, some covered in more dust than others. It was rather eerie, in the flickering torchlight- especially since their footsteps and the hem of Cobra's robes sent dust flying up into the air. Some of the motes sparkled orange in the dim light of the torch. Others… Others bounced and rolled across the floor as great grey dust bunnies.

Nami grew more apprehensive as they went deeper into the mausoleum. Why, exactly, was Cobra leading them down here? The sarcophagi they were passing got steadily older and more elaborate, kings from prosperous ancient times. Soon the smooth marble carvings were covered in aged gold leaf, and even the occasional gemstone. Some had assorted treasures placed around them in their alcoves- an ancient tradition of burying the necessities of life for those heading to the afterlife. As if it were just another world…

But Cobra didn't lead Nami and Robin into any of these old tombs, nor did his gait slow. Not until they reached the very end of the hallway, where a large shining cube sat in a dusty place of honour. A thin shaft of light descended from the ceiling to illuminate its face, evidence of a hole far above.

The cube was strange, made of some substance that seemed to be stone, glass, and metal all at once. Nami had never seen anything like it before. And while most of the sides were polished smooth, the face that was illuminated was covered in strange symbols. They were engraved deep, sharp and precise as if cut with a knife. But when Nami placed a hand on the cube… No knife could've cut into that substance.

Nami turned to Cobra. "What is this thing?"

"A Poneglyph," the Robin interrupted quietly, resting a hand reverently on the strange cube as well. Cobra nodded.

"It's been in the care of the Nefertari family for at least eight hundred years. Our ancestors were charged with protecting it, until it was needed again, and keeping it out of the hands of those who would misuse the information it contains." Here, the king sighed. "I don't know all of what is written there, but the reason we were tasked with keeping it hidden is that it details the location of one of the Ancient Weapons of the Void Century."

"Wow…" Nami wasn't sure she understood. She couldn't remember ever having heard about any Void Century or Ancient Weapons before. Beside her, Robin looked apprehensive.

"Why wouldn't you know everything it says?" Nami asked, "Can't you read this?" She traced one of the engravings with her finger. "They… They are words, aren't they?"

"They are." Cobra nodded. "But I cannot read them. No one can; not anymore. The only ones I know of who could were the scholars of Ohara, but they… Their island vanished years ago." He stared hard at Robin as he spoke. She didn't seem to notice.

"Not no one," Robin said softly. The older woman stared at a corner of the room, unable to meet Nami or Cobra's gaze. For all her voice was quiet, it was also painfully bitter. "There was… At least one survivor, when Ohara was destroyed. A little girl, only eight years old…"

The king nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, I'd heard that… And I suppose she might have some interest in the Poneglyphs, if only to figure out why things happened the way they did, twenty years ago. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be well-informed enough to help her. Even if I might wish to." Cobra's voice was tight, careful- like he was probing for something, but also afraid of revealing too much.

"Any little girl whose home was destroyed would want closure," Robin said carefully. "But… That little girl from Ohara had best be careful. Even if she has no interest in finding and using the Ancient Weapons, others might not believe her- or might wish to force her to use her knowledge so they might seek out the awful things. It's best if she just stays hidden, tries to keep herself safe."

Here Robin let out a dark, rueful chuckle. "But little girls aren't always so sensible. That said… If the only thing on this Poneglyph is the location of an Ancient Weapon, I doubt she'll have much use for it. It won't give her closure, or teach her anything worth knowing about history and culture- all it will do is bring her pain. No little girl would care to enact the fears that led to her mother's death."

"Of course not." Cobra nodded, smiling. Whatever he had been probing for, it seemed he was happy with what he'd found.

Why did Nami feel like there was a second conversation going on there, something behind Cobra and Robin's words? This was- oh. So, Robin might be able to decode… If given enough time. And for good or ill, anything that lead to a country disappearing had to be important. Something they might need to know later, if only to avoid it…

This had been a test. A test to see if Robin wanted to use the weapons. Which she didn't. That was why Cobra brought them down here; he wanted to see what they would do. What it was Robin wanted with these weird old rocks.

"Is… Is it alright if I take a rubbing?" Nami asked hesitantly, still tracing the incomprehensible symbols. "I promise I won't let anyone outside the crew see it."

"A rubbing?" Cobra looked momentarily flabbergasted, looking from Nami to the Poneglyph. It took him a moment to answer. "Yes… Yes, I suppose it's alright. As long as you can promise me that no one outside your crew will ever lay eyes on it. Even people who are travelling with you, like my daughter did- no one who's not an official member of the crew. Only people you know you can trust." He shot an appraising look at Robin before nodding firmly.

Nami flicked a pirate salute with her right hand; with her left, she fished through her pockets for paper and a few wax crayons. "Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye."

Cobra chuckled as she started taking her rubbing. "Where did you learn such an interesting oath?"

"My older sister. She made it up after one of my birthdays. Our- our adoptive mother tried to make cupcakes, but she was also trying to break up a fight between me and Nojiko… She got icing in all our eyes, the way she was waving that spoon everywhere…"

Nami had to fight back tears at the memory. She still missed Bellemere so much… But at least she had a few good memories to hold on to. Arlong couldn't take those from her.

Engraved symbols appeared one by one on the paper in blue and white. It took several pages to cover the whole thing; Nami numbered them as she went, writing out a reference so she'd be able to assemble them into a coherent text in the future. Once she was satisfied, the sailing master folded all the rubbings up and put everything back in her pockets.

Robin watched with a confused frown the whole time. "Baryshnya Navigator… You know there's no need for such recordings, do you not? I could read the glyphs here and now. Making rubbings only increases the odds that someone who would use the knowledge for ill will find and decode the Poneglyphs- someone like one of the World Nobles."

That was… Possibly a good point? Nami didn't really know a lot about the World Nobles- they didn't have much to do with most islands in the East Blue. Just that they ruled everything, to bow and stay quiet if she ever saw one, and a bit of vague history about where they'd come from. Descendants of ancient kings who'd banded together against some mysterious threat no one had ever been able to describe to her. Still…

"I've never heard of that Void Century thing, or any Ancient Weapons, or even Poneglyphs." The sailing master continued making her rubbing without pause, despite Robin's consternation. "I don't know a lot about history. But I'm not just a navigator- I'm a thief. And in my experience, it's the things people don't want me to know about that're the most valuable, whether to steal them, or to avoid them. So if these things are such big secrets, they must be really important. I want a record of exactly what they say so we don't accidentally screw something up."

Nami glanced up at Robin without turning her head. "Besides… If you're the only person left who can understand them, how could the rubbings be a danger? It's not like it's a translation, where just anyone could pick it up and read it."

"You can't be sure," Robin insisted. "I might not be the only one- what if the government has someone? Someone who bargained with them, or who they're blackmailing into cooperation."

"All the more reason to keep a record." This time, Nami did turn her head when she looked at Robin. "Knowledge is power, and I'm sick of people I don't trust having any form of power over me. Never… Never again."

"Shahahahahaha! As if that would work on me!" A large hand flung a bowl at Nami; it shattered by her feet as she jumped back. "Lionfish venom isn't even fatal to an adult human- what made you think it would have any effect on a superior fishman like me?"

She hadn't known that. Bending to clean up the bowl that had once held carefully poisoned chowder, Nami let her hair fall around her face to hide her tears. It could be worse… At least no one had hit her this time. Her right shoulder still smarted from the other day.

Sorry, Bellemere. I failed to avenge you again. I just… Don't know what to do. I don't know enough about fishmen to know how to fight them. But at least I have my deal. Even if I can't kill him, maybe eventually I can make Arlong go away.

"Alright." Nami wiped her eyes on the back of one hand as she stood and turned to face Cobra again. Arlong was gone now- he'd never have any power over her again. "Was there anything else, or was this it?"

"No, that was all." The king took a half step closer, then rocked back on his heels. His arms were awkwardly half open, as if he'd started to go for a hug, then remembered partway that she wasn't Vivi. "I have a proper reward planned for your crew, of course. Something a little nicer than some old scratchings in stone- nicer, and less likely to bring the World Government down on your head."

Robin winced at that, looking from the Poneglyph to Nami's rubbings with dread. The sailing master waved Cobra off.

"No, no, it's fine." Nami couldn't hold back a bit of a giggle. "I mean… Luffy wants to be King of the Pirates, and we're already connected to the Whitebeard Pirates and the Revolutionary Army six ways to Sunday. They'd be after us eventually anyway. What's one more little misdemeanor?"

"You're underestimating what the government will do to keep those things a secret," Robin muttered as Cobra chuckled. "But I suppose I can't convince you… And even if I refuse to read the glyphs for you, your little witch knows enough already that you might be in danger anyway…"

That was true. That was very true. But it wasn't one of Nami's main concerns at the moment. Despite knowing he was gone and her resolve to move forwards, the sailing master still heard an old shark's laughter echoing in the back of her mind.

Impulsively, Nami stepped forwards to accept Cobra's aborted hug. She wouldn't have done something like that before meeting the Straw Hats- maybe not even more recently than that. But now… She was okay with it. The king stiffened briefly in surprise before returning the sailing master's embrace.

"Don't worry…" Cobra chuckled ruefully. "I didn't really expect that you could. But if there was a slight chance… And I'm sorry for bringing up memories of your mother, and for whatever happened to your family."

Nami shook her head. "It's fine. They… Thinking of her hurts, but… While there's a lot I'd like to forget, some things… Some things I would never forgive myself if I did. Thank you…"

She went to pull away, only to have Cobra hold her tighter. He wore a gentle smile as he looked down at her. "Don't mind me. Times like this… I'm not a king. Just a sentimental old man who sees his daughter in every young woman's eyes."

Smiling herself, Nami resumed hugging the gentle royal. "And that is what makes you a great king."

X

The next morning I woke up before the sun. I hadn't slept well the night before, between my overwhelming embarrassment and the presence of so many people in the room. The faintest hint of golden light through the window was the last straw, drawing me out of my bed at four-thirty in the morning. I dressed quickly, yawning the whole time; my eyes ached. A quick glance in the mirror showed that the makeup the others had applied to me was still firmly in place. As much as I hated the stuff, I was impressed. Through steam and sheets and my attempts at washing it off before bed, not even a smear. What was in that stuff?

My attempts at dressing and leaving the room quietly were mostly successful. Mostly. Just as I was reaching the door, two reptilian squawks met my ears. I turned around to see Lisa and Chopper getting ready behind me, Ruatha and Sharpie at their heels. Or I guess just at their sides, in the case of my dragon; he was approaching the size of a golden retriever. Lisa glanced up at me with one eye, rubbing the other with one hand. Beside her, Chopper yawned widely as he slipped into his jersey.

"Morning Jones. Where're you going?" Chopper picked up Sharpie as he spoke- and the doctor himself was picked up in turn by Lisa. Oh, they were just so cute together. I sighed.

"For a walk. My anxiety won't let me sleep any longer." I clicked my tongue as I pulled the door open. Ruatha bounded over and scrambled up into his place on my shoulders, wrapping his tail around my arm and cooing into my hair. Lisa followed me as I left, Chopper and Sharpie still in her arms.

I didn't really have a plan; just went wandering around the palace. It was beautiful- although I cared more for the courtyards and gardens than the decorations in the rooms. So many plants I'd never seen before, poking up between coloured stones and artfully placed pottery. Lisa and Chopper sat on a bench with me for a while, watching as Ruatha and Sharpie wrestled in a fountain. Their antics set us all to laughing; the poor bananagator didn't really stand a chance, but he put up an adorable fight. Luckily Ruatha, though jealous, didn't really mean any harm.

Dark cloud blew in out of nowhere after a couple of hours, opening up and dumping their contents on the city. Icy rain poured over us in a sudden torrent. Lisa squealed and grabbed Chopper, racing inside; I followed a second later with the reptiles. Although I think Sharpie would've been happy enough to stay out in the wet weather.

"Hi Vivi!" Lisa waved at the princess as I came through the door. Vivi smiled and waved back. Unlike the rest of us, the princess wasn't yawning and didn't seem tired at all.

"Good morning Lisa, Chopper, Jones. Are you the only ones up?"

Thinking about it for a moment, I shook my head. "We were the first, but Sanji usually gets up early. Unless he's really tired, he's probably up by now looking for the kitchen or something."

Vivi giggled, one hand coming up to press against her lips. "Yes, that does sound like him. Are you three doing anything in particular, or just wandering around?"

"Just wandering." Chopper's words were punctuated by an adorable yawn. Vivi giggled again and reached over to ruffle the reindeer's fur.

After being up for a couple of hours, the gears in the back of my head were starting to creak into motion- although they'd be better still once I'd had breakfast. But if I waited that long, I might forget what I was thinking about. "Actually Vivi… This is gonna seem a little odd, but could you take us to the dungeon? Or wherever all the Baroque Works agents are being kept?"

"I…" My question took Vivi by surprise. "You're right, that is odd. What would you want with them?"

"Well, to start with, we forgot about Bentham. He got locked up in there with the rest of them, and he's an ally. And some of the others aren't half bad- Crocodile took advantage of their dreams and ambitions, manipulated them. They could do good things in Alabasta if we could set them back on the right path."

Vivi shot me a doubtful look. Then she sighed. "We haven't always gotten on and I don't always like the way you do things, but there's no denying you're good at what you do, or that you mean well. Very well; I'll show you where they are. And if you can turn any of them, I'll do my best to make sure they get decent employment somewhere in Alabasta, just like Jack and Mairead." The princess smiled as she began leading us towards the west wing of the palace. "They asked to join the Royal Guard, you know. Both of them."

"Nice." I snickered, smirking. "Hope the guard has good mat leave though; if they're together for extended periods of time, you can expect a baby within a couple of years."

"Oh my!" Vivi clapped both hands over her mouth. Her face was bright red. "I- I'm glad for them. And curious- even with all your strange knowledge, you've never expressed interest in events of that sort."

"My knowledge is a random and many-faceted thing." I let out a faux-haughty sniff. That served to make Vivi giggled again, as well as to set Lisa and Chopper to full blown laughter. The painter and the reindeer each grabbed one of my hands as we continued on our way towards the dungeons.

Two guards- both teenagers- straightened to attention as we approached. "Your highness!"

"At ease." Vivi waved her hand. The guards relaxed instantly. "Is there anyone else down there with the prisoners?"

"No, your highness. We did cuff them all with seastone, just in case, and Captain Hina was in yesterday evening to question them. She said that she'd like to talk to the ones who captured them, but that aside from Crocodile and Eleven, she thought most of them were ours for the Kingdom of Alabasta to deal with as we wished. None of the others had any international warrants for their arrest- at least that she could find."

"Good." Nodding, Vivi proceeded down the stairs. "When you can, send someone to my father to say that I'm already working on how we should deal with them. Some of the Straw Hats are helping me."

"Of course, your highness."

It was cool down in the prison cells- not uncomfortably so, but it was noticeable. Other than that, it didn't seem like a bad place to be kept at all. Sure, there were the standard barred doors and small windows, but the beds looked comfortable enough, everything was clean, and there were even area rugs to give prisoners something to stand on other than cold stone. Not that the Baroque Works agents looked any happier for it- most of them looked lethargic and uncomfortable, their hands bound in front of them with kairoseki manacles.

I ignored the first two cells, where Crocodile and Eleven were being kept. There was no point in talking to them- the World Government and Newfin Island could have them, and we might even get paid for turning them over. Instead, I stopped in front of Bentham's cell. The okama shot me a look of betrayal.

"Highlights… I thought we were friends; you said you'd help me."

"Sorry about that." I sighed heavily. "Had a lot on my mind yesterday… Trying to figure some stuff out. But I'll do my best to make it up to you." I turned momentarily to Vivi. "Do you have keys, or will we need to get one of the guards down to let him out for us?"

"I- I don't have the keys, but I know where they're kept. One moment." Vivi went to the far back wall of the dungeon and began tapping along the bricks. I couldn't see what she ended up doing, but when she returned a moment later, she held a ring from which hung many heavy keys. The princess unlocked Bentham's cell, and then his manacles once she was inside. Rubbing his wrists, the okama stared up at me.

"Okay, Highlights- talk."

Sitting down on the bed beside Bentham, I took off my hat and started fiddling with it. "Ivankov is one of Dragon the Revolutionary's best friends." I didn't bother beating around the bush or sugar-coating my words. "Xe's one of the highest officers in the Revolutionary Army. Right now, xe's on an undercover mission in one of the most dangerous places in the world- Impel Down. Ivankov's mission is intelligence gathering and recruitment; xe's learning everything possible about the prison, and gathering political prisoners- anyone who's not dangerous, really- to join the Revolution. Not sure when xe plans to break out yet, but it'll happen eventually."

Bentham's eyes went wide. "Oh my… No wonder no one's seen Ivankov in years. Something like that must take a lot of preparation."

I nodded and placed my hat back on my head. "So the question is, what do you want to do about it? Whatever you need Ivankov's miracle-working powers for, can it wait? Or are you in such a rush that you'd be willing to head to Impel Down to meet them?"

The okama didn't answer right away, his lips pursed as he thought. During that time, Chopper trotted over and hopped into my lap, still yawning. Poor little guy hadn't gotten enough sleep. I patted the doctor absently as Bentham finally got his thoughts together.

"I- It's not that urgent, no. But I would like to be in position to speak with Ivankov as soon as xe's out. You said you didn't know when that would be though…" The okama drooped in disappointment. I bit my lip.

"Yeah, I don't know. But… If you ask me, the best way to meet Ivankov as soon as xe gets out would be to join the Revolutionary Army. I know as soon as xe breaks out, Ivankov will go back to report to Dragon." Smirking wryly, I waved at the open door. "Just think about it. If you decide that's what you want, the Revolutionary Chief-of-Staff is here on vacation- he could take you back to their base if you make up your mind in the next few days. Or I could give you his snail number, if you need more time to decide."

My words were met with a long, considering look. "I think I'll take that number," Bentham said finally. "I- This is a big decision, Highlights. I'll need a few days to think about it."

"Take as long as you need." Pulling a pen and paper out of one of my pockets, I scribbled down a familiar string of numbers- and then another underneath it. "The one on the bottom's mine. Whether you join the Revolutionaries or not, feel free to call me. I'll help you if I can, although it's likely I won't often be able to do much."

"Thank you. I'll do that." Standing up, Bentham quickly ran his fingers through my ponytail. I jerked back reflexively; he shook his head. "Sorry. I forgot- things like that aren't normal outside Kamabakka Kingdom, are they? But truly, Highlights, you have lovely hair. And with all those scars hidden, you really don't look that bad."

"But I don't look like me." I shook my head as well, standing and hefting Chopper up against my chest. "Kind of like how you don't look like you if you're wearing regular men's clothes."

"Ah. Yes, I see what you mean." Chuckling, Bentham headed for the door. "Take care Highlights. Try not to forget and lock any more allies in prison overnight; not everyone forgives as easily as I do."

"Don't I know it," I muttered as I stepped out of the cell, back to Vivi and Lisa. One down, a whole bunch more to go. Luckily, I'd have a little bit of help with them. I hoped, at least. "Lisa, did you bring your paints with you?"

"Of course! I never go anywhere without them!" The little girl pulled her art kit out to demonstrate.

"Good. Would you be willing to use a Rainbow of Dreams for me? Targeting everyone but Crocodile and Eleven, although it's fine if you include them too."

Lisa's eyes went wide. "You even know about that one? But I've never even tested it- I don't actually know if it works!"

"It does. Maybe even better than you'd expect."

Nodding, Lisa began preparing her paints. Her tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrated. It took nearly ten minutes for her to be ready. When she was, she pulled out a much larger paintbrush than usual and spun around. A full spectrum of colours splashed over everyone in the dungeon. "Colour Trap: Rainbow of Dreams!"

Unlike her other techniques, this wasn't hypnotism. It was an illusion or glamour of some sort, pulling images out of our psyches and painting them on our skin. A quick glance at Vivi, to my mild surprise, showed a tricorn hat and an undone captain's jacket; both were adorned with a skull-and-crossbones. Lisa's outfit remained largely unchanged, though covered with a paint-spattered apron, and Chopper's jersey had been overlaid with a lab coat and floating sakura petals. My own outfit had changed to resemble the gi I wore when practicing karate on Earth- albeit with a distinctively pirate flare. Ruatha and Sharpie just had illusory ham sandwiches appear in front of them, much to the confusion of the poor reptiles.

Spinning slowly, I looked in each of the prison cells. Miss Doublefinger was dressed in a cute little 50s waitress outfit, an illusory tray of coffee and desserts balanced on one hand. Galdino wore a suit that some how screamed museum curator. Mr Four had a stack of pizza boxes and a delivery boy's cap, while Miss Merry Christmas was dressed in a shimmering emerald green princess gown. Lassoo had an adorable bandanna around his neck that read "Soldier Pup." A bright red fireman's helmet squashed Mr Five's afro down into something more professional; Miss Valentine's yellow dress was covered by an apron decorated with pictures of delicious-looking chocolate treats and baked goodies. Mr Six and Miss Mother's Day- who I recognized only by the numbers stitched in their clothes- had lab coats draped over them; he had a stethoscope around his neck, while she held a few needles and wore a tiny nurse's cap. Mr Seven and Miss Father's Day were… Mostly unchanged. There was more dice and glitter involved than before though, with a little bit of Casino Royale flavour somehow. Mr Ten and Miss Tuesday had hard hats, shovels, and all manner of equipment that could be for either exploring or construction- as well as what appeared to be Johnny and Yosaku's severed heads. Okaaaaaaay… I'd deal with that in a minute. Tiny, quiet Miss Thursday was holding a shepherd's crook, while Mr Twelve and Miss Saturday were dressed in safari khakis and binoculars.

And then, of course, there was Daz Bones sitting in his cell and not looking at anyone, dressed in colourful tights and a domino mask.

I turned to look at Vivi. "As a princess, you've spent your life training in the art of diplomacy, correct?"

"Of course." The princess' expression said she would've been hurt if I'd assumed otherwise.

"In that case, would you mind taking those with reasonable dreams, and you, Lisa, and Chopper can deal with them? I'll handle the headhunters and the superhero." Time to roll an intimidate check.

"Ah- Alright. Although I'd be happy enough to take them as well, once you've got their more violent tendencies sorted out. It- Most of the agents actually appear to have nice, civilian dreams." Sighing, Vivi shook her head. "I'm amazed Crocodile managed to take advantage of something so benign as a chocolatier or a pizza delivery boy. Most of them- most of them might actually even be helpful in rebuilding what the drought tore apart."

Vivi opened the cells- although she didn't uncuff anyone just yet. The princess led the majority of the Baroque Works agents away, presumably to an interrogation room somewhere nearby. Lisa and Chopper trotted sleepily after her. Ruatha and Sharpie, meanwhile, stayed with me. My dragon hissed and snarled when I walked into the cell containing Ten and Tuesday. Well, I suppose he had a right to dislike them- as soon as I'd crossed the threshold, Tuesday launched herself at me with a snarl and tried- and failed- to bite my nose.

I responded by socking her in the face.

She stumbled back against her partner, eyes spinning. I planted my hands on my hips. "Good. Now that I've got your attention… What the Hell? I know Johnny and Yosaku created some pretty nasty weapons," The hunters had told me the story last night, while everyone was getting ready for bed, "But you attacked them first. That kind of gives them the right to defend themselves with whatever they have on hand."

That comment infuriated the agents- and probably rightfully so, given my delivery. Completely flat and cold, because despite how horrible and disgusting those burns looked- bubbling masses of red and white that would make a hobgoblin hurl- Johnny and Yosaku were on my crew. That meant I would always take their side, unless they did something like kill a crew mate. Ten and Tuesday both growled and lunged for me at the same time; I knocked them back onto their bed and leaned in, placing a hand on each of their chests to hold them down so they couldn't do that again. And when they struggled… Well, then I took a page out of Miss Valentine's book. Gravity was a force, after all. Not entirely sure how to manipulate it, I focused on the feeling of weight, the connection of my feet to the floor, the constant pulling down that people usually take for granted… And imagined myself getting heavier. "Kepler's Law!" It seemed to work, if my captives' sudden gasping for breath was any indication.

"Now, you listen. I've never claimed to be a nice person, so don't expect me to have much sympathy for you. I know what Johnny and Yosaku did to you was painful, stupid, and wrong- you're still in pain from it, you're permanently scarred, and you're incredibly lucky they didn't damage your eyes. It's a bloody miracle they didn't blind you, actually." I'm slightly ashamed to say I enjoyed the looks of terror that grew across those scarred faces. Only slightly. "That said, there's something you need to remember. Those two are my friends… That means I won't let you hurt them. Ever. If you try to take your revenge, I will kick your asses so hard, it'll take a DNA test to identify your corpses. And I'm one of the weaker members of the crew."

Tuesday calmed down, all traces of bloodlust washed away by her fear. Ten took it a few steps further, whimpering and looking like he was about to wet himself. When thirty seconds had passed in silence and neither of them had made a move, I released my manipulation of gravity and took a step back. My head was spinning from using a new force. I didn't let the agents see that, though. "Now… If you're willing to take that risk, be my guest. If not… Princess Vivi is helping the majority of your coworkers find placements in Alabasta where they can pursue their dreams within reason. Now, I don't know what the hard hats and shovels and stuff mean to you, but if it has anything to do with construction or exploration, you'll probably be welcomed at a little oasis I know. What do you say?"

"Th-that we'd like to talk to the princess before making any decisions," Tuesday stammered out. I nodded and gestured in the direction Vivi and company had gone.

"Alright then- I'm sure the guards will help you if you can't find her yourself. That said," I frowned, wishing I'd been able to get the makeup off before coming. I was so much more intimidating without my scars hidden. "The princess is one of my friends too. Hurt her and you'll wish you were dead."

"Yes ma'am!" Ten and Tuesday took off, presumably trying to escape before I changed my mind.

Sighing, I patted Ruatha and Sharpie as I turned to the last occupied cell. Now for the hard one. Daz Bones… I wasn't really sure how to handle him. He wouldn't be put off by my little shows of intimidation- but at the same time, I couldn't let up with them. Even if I was significantly weaker than he was, I had to come across as strong enough that he would respect me. Otherwise nothing I said would have any effect. Luckily, we had something in common. Loyalty before all else. As much as he had Zoro's power levels and first mate-equivalent position, when it came to methods, Bones had more in common with me.

Perhaps too much.

The blade man didn't even glance at me as I entered his room, although he did acknowledge my presence. Initially with a quiet snort. "Come to try your tricks on me too? You'll find I'm not as easily cowed as a couple of hot-blooded frontier agents."

"No. No, I wasn't expecting that to work on you. I just came to talk." The kairoseki manacles meant I didn't have to worry about him unleashing any blades on me, at least. I sat on the far end of his bed- hopefully that distance would be far enough that I could get out of the way if he suddenly decided to grab me or kick me or something. "So… Why would someone who dreams of being a hero become an assassin? Kind of on opposite ends of the alignment spectrum there."

A grunt. "None of your business."

Okay, so he didn't want to talk. Too bad for him; this wasn't optional. "If you won't tell me, I can just guess," I told him. "I'm good at that. Let's see… You're loyal, you respect strength, and you never let people see what you're feeling. You're confident, disciplined, and you don't tend to hold a grudge- or at least, you don't let grudges get in the way if you think there's something to be gained. You're not bound by the code of Bushido. You profess that having friends makes one weak. And you're from the West Blue; your real name is Daz Bones. Do you know what this tells me?"

Bones' eyes widened slightly at my analysis, but otherwise, he didn't react. Not even with a grunt or the word "no," or a grumbled "I don't care." Well, that was slightly disappointing. Then again, I'd expected he'd be a tough nut to crack.

"It tells me that when you were young, something hurt you- badly. Now, given that you have decent training, I'd also assume you were part of a dojo or other martial order at some point; the lack of adherence to Bushido indicates that the pain comes from something to do with that. Let me guess… You ate your Devil Fruit at a young age and your sensei kicked you out. Your fellow students did something that made you feel like a freak, like you were cursed and unwanted, unnecessary. Alone. Any of this sound familiar?"

Again, no words. His eyes got a little wider, though, and the muscles in his shoulders tightened. So I was close then… But at the same time, I seemed to be missing something. I thought for a moment. Ooooooh… "Devil Fruits can be hard to control, when you first eat them. Mine sent me blowing myself off cliffs for a little bit while I figured it out. You- when you first ate your Devil Fruit, did you hurt someone? Someone you cared about?"

This time I got a reaction. Bones clenched his fists and turned his head to glare at me. "How could you know that?"

I didn't answer- largely because I couldn't. I didn't know this. Any of it. I was pulling this out of my ass, straight from the large intestine, going on a few small clues and an analysis that required a lot of guesswork. Or, as my classmates during my undergrad would've put it… I was writing an essay. English- take the right classes and it can be a degree in theoretical and applied bullshit. So instead of answering, I kept guessing. It seemed to be working well enough so far. And Bones' muscles grew more and more tense as I spoke.

"You hurt your best friend- possibly even a girlfriend- when you first got your powers. Am I right? Hurt them bad- maybe even killed them. You might not've stuck around long enough to find out, with how bad it felt. Your fellow students, your sensei… The called you a monster and a freak. Even after you left, those words kept echoing in your head, playing over and over. And once you'd lived with them long enough, they started to crush your dream. After all, what kind of hero kills his friends?"

"Stop it," Bones growled. I ignored him.

"You learned to control your fruit- perfect control, so you'd never hurt anyone you cared about again. But Devil Fruits are rare in the Blues; no matter where you went, people called you a freak and a monster. The only jobs you could get were as a fighter for hire, and your skills made you an ideal assassin. It's easy to conceal a weapon when you are one. So you made yourself stop caring about other people, because if you cared, you'd only be hurt again. You became the best at your job, because it was the only thing you could do."

"Shut up!" Bones lunged at me, although the seastone on his wrists made him sluggish. I jumped off the bed, out of the way, and flipped open my Swiss Army Knife. Not that I was close enough to do anything with it, but I pointed the blade at him nonetheless.

"Ah, ah, ah, I wouldn't do that if I were you." I waggled a finger at the towering assassin. "You can't use your powers right now, which means even an ordinary swordsman can cut you. And I'm neither ordinary nor a swordsman."

"True. You're the little witch; some of the others were talking about you." If Bones had been capable of using his powers at the moment, he would've literally been glaring daggers. "They say you see the past, the future… That you know things no one could know. So tell me little witch, what have you seen for me?"

When I didn't answer immediately, his anger finally broke through his usually steel grip. Lunging forward, the assassin grabbed one of my arms. This time I let him. "Tell me what you've seen!"

"Nothing." I took a step back, pulling myself free as Bones' grip went slack with disbelief. "I've seen nothing of your background, and what little I know of your future, I'm trying to change. All of that, everything I just said?" I waved one arm in a vaguely encompassing gesture. "That was just guesswork. You're a cold man, and hard for most people to read, but you can't hide anything from me."

"But… Then… How?" Bones shook his head and sat back down. Although he still looked like he might grab me again if I said the wrong thing.

My next words, though, they didn't want to come out easily. My head bowed forward under the weight of what I had to say, my hat shadowing my eyes. "I know your path because it's one I could've walked. Had things gone differently for me, even where I come from… Even where I come from, there's the possibility of something like that, if you know where to look."

Sighing, I examined the floor with keen interest. The rug in this cell had an abstract spiral pattern, green on a colour that I would've called Arizona Topaz. Although that brand of pencil crayons isn't manufactured anymore, so I'd probably need to find another name. "I know what it's like to grow up being called a monster and a freak, although for me it wasn't about my Devil Fruit. I was just born different than most people where I come from. Some of them took advantage of me, others shunned me… I hurt people without meaning to, especially when I got angry, which was often. So I tried to stop letting myself feel things, so I wouldn't hurt people anymore- or myself. Sound familiar?"

Bones nodded slightly. I took a brief moment to consider the oddity of pouring my heart out to an assassin- and not even an allied one- before moving on. "If- If I hadn't found anything or anyone to guide me, I might've ended up something like you. Not an assassin, per say, but… Maybe joined the military, immersed myself in training and combat; maybe become a lab scientist so I only had to deal with formulae and chemicals instead of people. But I did find a different path…"

"Looking at you is like looking in a warped mirror. You're so much like what I could've been… It hurts. I don't like to think about who I used to be." Something dark was starting to curl and coil in my chest, rising up like an angry snake. I squashed it back down. "Who I sometimes still am. But the main difference between us… Friends don't make you weak. If you find the right ones, you can make each other stronger than anything."

"Prove it."

Wait, what? Bones stared dully at me; my mouth fell open with a hiss. Wasn't- wasn't he supposed to be harder to convince than this? I hadn't even shown him my scars, which I'd done with both Vivi and Robin- then again, they might've just made him consider me weak. I had no way to guess his opinions on those who attempted suicide. "Sorry, what was that? I think I have some dragon spit in my ear."

"If you think friends make you stronger, prove it." Bones leaned back against the wall. He'd quickly regained the composure he'd lost earlier, when he grabbed me. "You come from a crew that has some fairly strong members, but at the same time, you claim to be one of the weaker ones. How does having friends make you stronger?"

"Lots of ways." Pausing, arms outstretched, I spun around in a technique I had yet to master. Even with my limited abilities, it was enough to send Ruatha and Sharpie stumbling backwards and make Bones cover his eyes. "Mutoryu: Tatsumaki!"

"That's one of Zoro's techniques- the man who beat you," I continued once the wind died down. "He taught it to me, but I'm not very good yet. If you have friends, you can learn from each other. And it's always good to be with someone who has your back in a fight- you can cover each other's weaknesses. Say if Sanji found himself having to fight a girl… He wouldn't be able bring himself to go on the offensive, but if Nami was there it'd be okay, because she could. And caring for people, wanting to protect them… Helping your friends can give you motivation to do things you never thought possible- whether you're trying to save their lives, or just want to make them happy."

Shooting him a sly look, I tacked on an afterthought. "A hero would understand. Some part of you must, if you still believe in that dream."

"Who says I do?"

I waved at his tights and domino mask. The illusions were slowly fading, but still clear enough. "If you didn't, something else would've appeared."

Bones still didn't look convinced. And I was running out of ideas… Tabarnak. What I would've liked to do was pick a good shonen manga and shove his nose in it until the concept of friendship made sense to him. Or maybe tie him down and force him to watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Neither of those was really an option though. By my feet, Ruatha and Sharpie began wrestling- snarling and snapping. And then suddenly I had it. If I'd been a native of the One Piece world, I think my eyes would've started glowing, turning into lightbulb shapes.

Picking Sharpie up, I plopped the protesting bananagator onto Bones' lap. The assassin shot me a look of mild confusion. "What's this for?"

"Starting with people can be hard- I know that. It was people who hurt you in the past, and who you're afraid of being hurt by or hurting again. But he isn't a person," I jabbed a finger at Sharpie, "He's better. If you look after a pet properly, they'll give you all the unconditional love and affection you could want- and depending how you train them, they can even be valuable allies. But Sharpie's just a baby right now; he relies on others for everything. He'll need a lot of looking after and training."

"I don't understand." Bones said that, but he was already rubbing Sharpie's head banana with one hand. The assassin didn't seem to be aware he was doing so, though. But at least Sharpie was enjoying it- the tiny bananagator let out a series of pleased clicks and growls.

"Alligators should be fed once a day." I ignored Bones' confusion and bulled ahead. Luffy's wasn't always the best example to follow, but I'd try it this time. "If you keep him in an enclosure, you'll need to clean it every two weeks. Make sure he has both plenty of water and a dry place to rest, and that he gets plenty of warmth and sunlight- not that those last two should be a problem here in Alabasta."

"You… What makes you think I'm agreeing to this? I've never had a pet before; I don't like animals." Grumpy and confused… Yet his protests would be far easier to believe if Bones wasn't currently rubbing Sharpie under the chin. His voice was quavering slightly too, although it was so faint that I doubted many people would notice. Oblivious, the baby bananagator leaned into the assassin's hand with a contented growl, eyes closed.

"Your words and actions aren't matching up," I said softly. Then I smirked. "Besides, everyone knows the best superheroes always have a sidekick. You can't be a hero if you only care about yourself. Now, who would you rather have following you around and fighting by your side- a pun-spewing kid in hot pants, or a baby bananagator?"

Dark eyes glanced down at Sharpie, considering. Then Bones' shoulders slumped slightly. "Why bother? He'll just die on me."

"Actually, most gators have a lifespan of about fifty years, and given that I'd place you in your late thirties, I'd say odds are good that if it's old age that takes you, you'll die at the same time. But if it's battle you're worried about…" I winced sympathetically, because I was almost always worried about Ruatha getting hurt when I got into a fight. "Train him. Train him well. No one can make any guarantees, of course, but the more time and effort and love you put into training him, the less likely Sharpie is to die in battle."

Bones didn't respond to that. I sighed. He was like Arlong, I guess; it was too much for me to be able to change his mind on my own. But maybe if I left Sharpie with him, and maybe had Vivi or someone work on him again after I was gone… Maybe his desire to be a hero would make him the next defender of Alabasta. He could be for real what Crocodile had pretended to be in order to gain people's trust. "I'm gonna go now. Just- just think about what I've said, eh?"

Still no answer. I shrugged and whistled for Ruatha; the dragon climbed up on my shoulders with a happy chirp. Locking the cell door behind me- yes, there was a way to do that without a key- I headed off up the stairs. Next stop, the kitchen. My stomach growled, reminding me that I'd been awake for several hours and had yet to eat anything.

And then… After I got something to eat, the rest of the day was for shopping and restocking. I didn't have to worry about anything for the crew as a whole, that I knew of- most of that had already been done back in Nanohana, and Sanji and Chopper would get any food and medical supplies we'd run out of in the meantime. But there were a few things I needed for my projects. Like a mortar and pestle, and some stuff to improve the primitive electrophoresis machine Chopper and I were working on. Maybe some stuff for similar devices too. And more pens and paper, and maybe some skates if I could find them- wish I'd had time to look for those in Drum Kingdom, I wasn't likely to find any in Alabasta. Oh well. Oh! And I needed something to make my weights heavier again. Even if he never used his flintlocks, Ghin was bound to notice eventually if I kept taking bullets from his stash. And maybe I should replace my staff… Not that I'd used it much, but the option was always nice. Yes, I had a lot of shopping to do this afternoon.

But before I went out in public, I needed to check in and see Johnny and Yosaku. Maybe they could make something to get Vivi's super-powered makeup off of me.

X

"NO! I'm not wearing it- I don't care what you say!" I folded my arms and backed into a wall so they couldn't surround me. Nami looked both amused and exasperated; Lisa pouted while Vivi rolled her eyes.

"Jones, you're going to a royal gala. You cannot go in the same ragged, smelly things you wear around the ship."

"Hey! I resent that- my clothes are not smelly!"

The source of our argument was one of Vivi's old dresses- one she'd long since outgrown for reasons that wouldn't be an issue to me. She, Nami and Lisa were trying to force me into it. Why, you ask, dear readers? Well, it was because King Cobra had decided to hold a public ceremony to thank us for helping save his kingdom- as well as to honour Vivi's coming of age ceremony. It was a day earlier than the ceremony in canon, but I suppose that since the princess had been gone for a few years, her father was impatient to confirm her as his true heir. Still… No matter what the occasion, I hated wearing dresses.

Well, at least my shopping yesterday and this morning had gone well, even if I hadn't found a decent replacement staff. And the Baroque Works agents seemed to be settling in well enough- I'd seen a few of them around the palace and the town.

Vivi wrinkled her nose at my words. "I know you do your best… But you're still no desert bloom. Just a few hours, please… The blue looks nice with your hair, and we can do your makeup again- maybe with a little perfume this time."

"NO WAY IN HELL!" I bolted for the door. Tabarnak… This never would've happened if I'd been born a boy.

Arms sprouted from nowhere as I emerged into the hall- many, many arms. They grabbed me and held me still. One pair held my ankles tight, tripping me; I fell forward, landing ungracefully on my face. A second later, Robin stepped around the corner. The archaeologist had a small, sly smile on her face. "Going somewhere, Little Witch?"

Merde. I'd forgotten her passive-aggressiveness. I couldn't tell if Robin liked me, hated me, or was simply curious. Or she could've been indifferent, I suppose, although I doubted that. Maybe she just liked messing with my head? Somehow that seemed most likely.

"Let me go!"

Another hand sprouted over my face, clamping my mouth closed so I couldn't try to bite any of the arms and escape. Robin was learning. Dammit. I squirmed helplessly as Robin picked me up and carried me back into Vivi's bedroom. Her mysterious smile grew wider as she placed me in front of the other girls. "I think you lost something, Princess."

"Th-thank you." The noticeable tremor in Vivi's voice made me wince, but I understood. Even with my word that Robin was a friend, the princess was having a hard time forgiving her for her part in Crocodile's plans.

Any quarrels and nerves were soon put on hold, however. Instead, my worst fears took over the room. Giggling and makeup and sparkles and gods above and below, make it stop! Other me, what did I do to deserve this? Merde… Why couldn't I have been the plaything of some jerkass god instead? They wouldn't have been this cruel…

Ah, who'm I kidding? They totally would've.

I think I blacked out for a few minutes, to protect my sanity. Whatever gossiping and girlishness went on during that time, I have only the barest memory of- and that as if through a thick fog. My next clear memory is of standing in the hall outside the throne room, dressed in Vivi's old blue gown, my face caked once more in makeup that itched like the chicken pox. The other girls were with me- Vivi wore pale pink and gold, while Lisa was dressed in leaf green and Nami's gown was a lighter blue than the one I'd been forced into. Robin had her own lavender dress; I would hardly call it a gown. Too scandalous. Even Geier had been cleaned up, her feathers preened and her aviator's helmet replaced by a gold ribbon around her neck.

I rubbed at my scalp. Vivi had even forced me to change how I wore my hair tonight. The majority of it was down, with a few thin, tight braids holding things out of my face. Vivi wore her hair in a similar style, while Lisa's was done up in spiral buns that screamed A New Hope. Nami and Robin had their hair completely down and untouched.

The men arrived a few minutes later. Each of them had been forced into flowing Alabastan formalwear, white and gold decorated with hints of their favourite colours. It looked better on some than others. Ace and Luffy tugged irritably at their heavily embroidered collars; Sabo sighed heavily and rapped their knuckles with his pipe.

"Calm down you two. It's only for a couple hours."

Nami snickered. "That's just what we've been telling Jones."

Glancing at what Luffy was wearing- which may have been fancy and flowy, but still included pants- I let out a strangled whine. "I'll trade, if you want."

My captain looked like he was actually considering it, up until Ace planted a hand on his head. "No way Lu. Don't even think about it."

"But Ace," Luffy whined. "It looks comfy. And there's no yucky collar."

"It's a dress. Only girls wear dresses."

I jerked my head to glare at the man I admired so much. My next words came out as a growl. "Captain… can you give your brother a Fist of Love? But call it a Fist of That's-Sexist-and-Wrong-and-Jones-is-Annoyed?"

Luffy frowned. "That's a long name… But okay. Fist of… Whatever-Jones-Just-Said!"

WHAM! Ace's head was slammed downwards into the floor. The freckled pirate glared at me and groaned as he stood up. "What was that for? I thought I was your favourite!"

"Favourite or not, what you said wasn't right. Men can wear dresses if they want, and not all girls like to." I tugged irritably at the fabric draping me. "Don't make me send you to Kamabakka Kingdom to make a point- I'm sure I could figure out how to do it. Or I could find a way to tell Izo what you said."

Ace's face noticeably paled. He didn't respond verbally, but the freckled pirate moved to make sure Luffy and Sabo stood between us. I flashed a cocky grin before resuming my annoyed sulking.

Ghin chuckled, moving in to stand beside me. "I don't envy you. And it's a male day too, isn't it? That can't make it any easier on you."

I glanced up at him in surprise. "Ye-yeah. How'd you know?"

"You tie your bandanna differently when you feel male than when you feel female. Square knot versus a granny. It was a square knot this morning." Ghin's eyes danced with mirth. "I'm the rigger; knots are kind of my job."

Wow… Even I hadn't noticed that. Tying my bandanna was as automatic as breathing; I never even thought about which knot I was using.

I could hear people on the other side of the closed doors, shuffling and murmuring. Not sure who all had been invited- probably generals and mayors and friends of the royal family, rich merchants and… Actually, knowing the Nefertari family, Cobra had invited as many of Alabasta's citizens as he thought he could fit in his throne room. And of course, the guests of honour had to arrive last. My heart sped up; my breath began coming in little pants. I was seriously regretting butterflying away Luffy's bounty right now. This wouldn't have been happening if he and Zoro were wanted. Ghin slipped his hand into mine to calm me down.

Invisible fingers ran through my hair, startling me. I jerked back and looked around, but… There was no one there.

Then the door creaked open and I had no more time to worry about invisible hands. The throne room of Alabasta was bloody huge, and filled with brightly coloured crowds of people. A narrow aisle had been left clear up to the throne so my crew could follow the princess to her father. Looking up to the head of the room, I paled. What were they doing here?

Tugging nervously at my dress, I hissed at a certain freckled pirate. "Ace, you and Robin find a place to hide. That's Captain "Black Cage" Hina standing beside the king- and Captain "White Chase" Smoker with her."

"On it." Ace didn't look too concerned, but he did as I said anyway. Grabbing Robin's hand, he swiftly dragged her off down the hall. "Come on; we'll have our own party in the kitchens or something, where there's no marines. It'll probably be more fun there anyway."

Sanji frowned and blew a couple smoke rings. "Didn't we leave that shitty smoke marine back in Loguetown Jones? Or am I missing something?"

"No. No, I thought we did too." Tabarnak. If Luffy didn't have a bounty, what was Smoker doing here?

I stuck close to Ghin as Vivi led everyone up to the throne. Her father stood as we approached, opening his arms and beginning a speech of welcome; sadly, I wasn't able to pay attention to what he was saying. The presence of a marine who shouldn't be there was taking up all my attention. Hina, at least, I could explain- she was stationed in the area. But Smoker… And there was Tashigi, hiding by a pillar with her glasses perched on her forehead. Of course.

And she and Captain Hina got to wear pants. Maybe I should've been a marine.

If I was on Earth, I would've been a little ashamed of the fact that I stared at Smoker the whole time Cobra was speaking. Since here I was a pirate and manners only had to apply when I wanted them too, I felt no such shame. Not even when the marine captain noticed I was watching him and raised one eyebrow in my direction. I responded by frowning and cocking my head to the side; he huffed and shook his head, turning his focus back on Cobra like a good soldier.

"Ahem." A few minutes on, Ghin cleared his throat and nudged me forwards. I almost jumped out of my skin, no idea what was going on. A quick glance ahead showed that Cobra was hanging a medal around Sanji's neck; Luffy, Zoro, Nami, and Usopp already stood off to one side. The decorations were small, but from the way Nami was stroking hers lovingly, they seemed to be real gold.

I nearly tripped over the hem of my dress when it was my turn to stand before the king. Cobra smiled and chuckled softly. "Awfully nervous for someone who just helped save a kingdom."

"Eh? I- Fighting, writing, and arguing are what I'm good at, Your Majesty." I bowed, martial arts style; probably should've curtseyed, but I don't know how. "Parties… Not so much."

"That's what your captain said when I asked if he knew why you seemed so distracted." Smiling, Cobra hung a medal around my neck. It was attached to a red ribbon- the same red as my bandanna. Having something there made me feel slightly better; the other girls hadn't even let me wear my Straw Hat necklace with Vivi's old gown. Although now that I knew there were marines here, I was glad. "He said not to worry, and that you'd be fine as soon as you were allowed to hide by the punch bowl. Then he asked me what kind of meat we'd be serving."

I laughed a little at that, although it was nervous and forced. Stepping off to the side, I hid partway behind Zoro as Cobra continued to honour the rest of our crew- plus Sabo and the Unluckies. Unable to stare at Smoker from my current position, I discreetly examined my medal instead. Heavy; it was definitely real gold. The face had a coat of arms embossed on it, presumably belonging to the royal family of Alabasta. A serpentine dragon passant- wings too small for flight- with its barbed tail wrapped around a spear. The other side bore an Eye of Horus.

Once Cobra was finished awarding medals, he stepped back- and Captain Hina took his place. The marine stood stiffly in front of us, almost looking as if she had a steel rod jammed down her spine. I couldn't decide if that was due to military formality, or a side-effect of her powers. She wasn't looking at us though, but rather facing out at the crowd. Her voice came out just as stiff as her spine.

"It has recently come to the attention of the World Government that the Warlord Crocodile was abusing his powers and position, using the amnesty granted to crew mates of the Warlords as a way to recruit criminals to his banner to build the organization he was using to promote civil war in Alabasta." Hina's hands clenched into fists behind her back. "We regret that this was not noticed earlier, and deeply apologize to all citizens of Alabasta for the oversight. It will not happen again."

"Crocodile has been stripped of his title as Warlord. As of this morning, Hina has taken custody of him and will be sending him to Impel Down with due haste, where he will be serving a life sentence. And as well as the government's formal apology, Hina would like to issue a personal one. It was under Hina's nose that this criminal organization formed, but Hina didn't notice. Hina is very sorry for that, and for any and all harm that resulted. Hina and her men will be working hard in the coming weeks to help rebuild Alabasta, to redeem ourselves for our inattention."

Then Hina spun to face us, her boots clicking on the stone floor. "Since Crocodile is no longer a Warlord, his bounty has been reinstated- and since he was trying to usurp one of the twenty founding families of their rightful monarchy, the government has seen fit to double it. Therefore, Hina is pleased to award 162,000,000 beri to the bounty hunters who captured him, as thanks for their services to the World Government in uncovering and stopping this threat."

Sabo's mouth twitching was the only sign he found the irony amusing. And, well… It was. A Revolutionary and a bunch of pirates being rewarded by the World Government- not something you see every day. Not something I ever would've expected, had I been reading this in anyone else's fanfiction. But I guess a few butterflies go a long way.

…

They must be monarch butterflies. Biology joke!

Captain Hina handed Luffy a small briefcase before stepping back. My captain opened it, curious- and then promptly passed it off to Nami. The sailing master looked delighted, quickly closing the briefcase and hugging it to her chest. Zoro rolled his eyes; Sanji blew a smoke ring that looked like a heart. Everyone else chuckled quietly. Nami looked up at Captain Hina with glowing, beri-shaped eyes.

"Thank you so much! We're glad to be of service!"

For a moment, I expected Smoker to come forward to say or do something. He didn't though. Instead, he simply led the polite applause that echoed briefly around the room. And he was watching us, like he expected us to do something. But what? Had he figured out we were pirates? And even if he suspected, did he expect us to hoist the Jolly Roger right there or something?

When the applause died down, it was Vivi's turn to speak. The princess stepped to the head of the room; the only sign that she was nervous of what was coming was a slight tremor in her left hand. "Yes- thank you, Straw Hats. Thank you so much for helping me save Alabasta. I'm proud to call you my friends- and I swear by Wadj-wer, as long as Alabasta exists as a nation, you and yours will find a safe port here."

Looking out over the people assembled, Vivi took a deep breath and straightened her back. A hush fell over the crowd. I realized belatedly that she had a soft pink den-den mushi in her hand- that everything she said was being broadcast to the whole kingdom. No wonder she was nervous.

"As you all know by now, my recognition as crown princess was delayed due to the time I spent undercover in Baroque Works. My father and I have agreed that it's time we rectified that error." Another deep breath; the shaking in Vivi's hands intensified. "I swear to you as your future monarch, that Alabasta and all her people will have true peace at all times by my judgement; that I will forbid extortion and all kinds of wrong-doing to all orders of men; and that I will enjoin equity and mercy in all judgements. I solemnly promise and swear to govern the people of Alabasta, and the dominions thereto belonging, according to their respective laws and customs. Ma'at binds me; all this I swear in her name. May Ra and Horus watch over my reign and that of my father, and may Sekhmet devour my blood should I ever stray from the true path."

Heavy silence fell over the room- and for all I knew, the country- for the next thirty seconds. Then, as if a dam were breaking, the throne room echoed with noise as everyone started clapping at once. Even Luffy, and I doubted he really understood what was going on. The weight of what Vivi had just said. Me? Canada's a Commonwealth country; while such an oath had never been made in my lifetime, let alone barely ten feet in front of me, I understood exactly what it meant.

And quite honestly, being in the room while it happened floored me. I couldn't have done anything other than stand their applauding even if my dress had caught on fire. Although I did manage to almost break the weight of awe on my mind by imagining Luffy making a similar speech when he found the One Piece and became king of the pirates.

Almost.

Slowly, the applause faded to voices. Everyone in the room talking to each other, producing a gentle roar that filled my ears and made my head ache. Musicians set up in a corner, and a refreshment table was discreetly placed in one corner of the room. People began to mill about, the speeches and presentations over. Several of my crew mates immediately made a beeline for the refreshments- only Sabo's Haki-coated hand kept Luffy from launching himself over and gobbling up all the little hors d'oeuvre things.

As for me? As soon as I felt I could get away with doing so, I bolted to a conveniently places window and did my best not to look like a six-year-old hiding behind the curtains. By which I mean I wasn't fidgeting or giggling, and was doing a better job of concealing all my body parts from view than a six-year-old would have, because I was still very much hiding behind the curtains.

They were nice curtains- white, but thick enough not to be sheer. I guess they helped keep the sun out on hot desert days.

I was fully prepared to wait out the entirety of the party behind those curtains, safely hidden. If I'd known my way around the palace better, I would've tried to leave entirely. Maybe found myself a nice place in a courtyard or on the roof where I could be alone and see the stars. Music started playing- not a song I knew, obviously, but I could tell from the beat that it was supposed to be a waltz. I closed my eyes and listened, breathing quietly and wishing I could will myself invisible every time I heard people come close to my hiding place. They usually left after a few seconds though.

Yes, I thought I was going to get away with hiding behind the curtains the whole time… Riiiight up until someone pulled them aside with a great whooshing noise. Or at least, it seemed a great noise to me- no one else reacted at all, not even to glance curiously. Opening my eyes and jerking my head up, I came face to face with- Smoker?!

Tabarnak.

"May I have this dance?" The marine stuck out his hand gruffly. At least he wasn't smoking for once in his life- I probably would've died from the smell if he had been, he was so close.

"I don't dance."

Ignoring my protest, Smoker grabbed my hand with a chuckle and pulled me out of my hiding place. "Then I suppose it's a good thing my powers protect me from you stepping on my feet. Unless you happen to be wearing seastone stilettos?"

My face turned red in embarrassment. "Actually, I'm barefoot. Couldn't find any fancy shoes that fit."

"Then I have nothing to worry about." Smirking, Smoker pulled me over to where a number of couples were dancing. One hand gripped mine, while the other moved down to my waist. And not a millimeter further, unlike many of the other men in the room. He may not look or talk like it, but where it counted, Smoker was actually a gentleman. My free hand automatically rose to his shoulder, half-remembering things from lessons learned when I was small. Merde, I hadn't had to do anything like this since I was fifteen- and then it had been on ice. But while the steps Smoker was leading me through were different than the ones my feet thought they knew, I picked it up quickly by watching other couples out of the corner of my eye.

What? I said I don't dance, not that I can't.

"So," I whispered once I was confident I wasn't going to screw up the pattern, "What're you doing here? I thought you were stuck in Loguetown until further notice? Won't the higher-ups be upset if they learn you've been-?"

"In Alabasta dancing with a pirate?"

His words were so soft, even I barely heard them. Everyone around us was none the wiser, not noticing how I suddenly stiffened. My blood ran cold. How did he know? Smoker smirked as we continued across the floor. "So I was right. You are pirates."

Tabarnak. He'd just done the same to me as I had to Bones. "Are you planning to arrest us, then?" I asked with as much confidence as I could muster. "I think the royal family of Alabasta might have something to say about that."

"If I intended to arrest you, it wouldn't be at a party. Too much publicity, too many people… Too many chances for civilians to get hurt." Smoker spun me around at a flourish in the music; I did my best to not resent this and to not kick him 'accidentally.' "As for what I'm doing here- I was curious. You see, not too long after your crew left Loguetown, I met some interesting people."

"A number of villagers from Cocoyashi came to Loguetown to file charges against Captain Nezumi and the officers of Branch Sixteen," Smoker spun me back into his chest to continue the main pattern, "For dereliction of duty, theft, fraud, and taking bribes- all in relation to the Arlong Pirates. I sent them off to be court-martialed without too much thought- I never liked Nezumi; always knew he'd turn out to be a rat- but one thing stuck with me. The few days they were in my custody, Nezumi and his officers kept babbling about an invisible pirate who used poison gas to take out the whole branch."

"And you suspected me because my friends were the ones to hand in Arlong?" Fighting back the urge to stomp on Smoker's foot, I forced a smile onto my face as we moved nearer to where Vivi was dancing with Kohza. Wouldn't do to get the princess any more involved than she already was; I didn't want to cause an international incident.

Yet.

"Not immediately," Smoker told me. He fell silent for a moment as we passed by the musicians. I wouldn't have been able to hear anything he said if he'd spoken; they were loud. Once we were far enough away for whispers to be audible, the marine resumed his explanation. "At first I thought maybe Don Krieg was involved… But then he was reported very much dead by the chefs of the Baratie. He drowned, apparently- a couple of days before Arlong was taken down and Branch Sixteen incapacitated. So I had no suspects."

I nodded pleasantly as we passed Nami and Sanji, my partner following suit. At that moment, I found myself wishing we had some sort of silent language to communicate amongst ourselves when we didn't want others to know; I would've liked to warn my crew mates about Smoker. But I couldn't.

"Shortly after that," Smoker continued, "Garp the Fist stopped in Loguetown to resupply on his way back from picking up Axe-Hand Morgan. Had some other interesting prisoners in his hold too- the Trump family. A crew everyone knew were at large, but no one could find. Apparently he'd gotten them from a grumpy green-haired kid and a scar-faced girl who couldn't look him in the eye. That sounded familiar."

Shrugging, I spun out and in under Smoker's arm as the music flourished again. "So what? A local asked us to help out on Clockwork Island; we picked up a few bounties and passed them off to the vice-admiral so we wouldn't have to backtrack. If you hadn't noticed, your right-hand swordswoman isn't too pleased that our bosun owns three of the named blades she's so keen on collecting. Probably for the best if we keep the two of them apart as much as possible." Not that that was working too well at the moment- on the other side of the room, Tashigi had bullied Zoro into dancing with her. She appeared to be leading as she whispered into his ear.

"And then the remnants of Branch Eight floated into Loguetown." Smoker's voice dropped, if possible, even lower. My blood, just recently thawed when I thought I had an out, ran cold again. "Their captain was dead at the hands of Eric the Whirlwind, and many of their men had died or suffered severe injuries during a naval engagement involving a small pirate ship and a flight of dragons. Now, I thought, this could be the mysterious pirate who took out Branch Sixteen; it was a similar MO- whole branch out of action, led by a captain who I always knew was a rat but couldn't prove."

We reached a part of the dance I hadn't seen before, an odd little lift section; I et out a quiet squawk of outrage as Smoker picked me up. My instincts screamed at me to kick him in the head, although that would do nothing against someone with powers like his. Not until I learned Haki, at least. But… But at the same time I had to laugh a little when I saw Tashigi pick Zoro up. Yep, she was definitely leading, alright. The bosun looked horribly embarrassed, his face lighting up bright red.

"So I went to visit the islands where these events had happened," Smoker said as he put me down and we resumed dancing. "Cocoyashi first, then Clockwork Island and warship Island. And what I found was very strange. The locals were always reluctant to talk about their saviours, refusing to refer to them as more than a group of nice kids who'd helped with this or that. It was as if they were afraid to trust a marine- although I suppose I understand, given what Nelson and Nezumi were doing. But even if they didn't talk, there were clues. Children running around in straw hats, swinging two sticks like swords while they carried a third in their mouths. Riding tack being made for dragons- something I'd never thought I'd see- that had tiny skull-and-crossbones charms decorating it for good luck. A sudden rise in popularity of tattoos."

Tabarnak. He had plenty of evidence alright- all circumstantial, aye, but that never stopped anyone in the One Piece world. The government would act on less if Smoker cared to voice his suspicions- or if someone powerful enough decided they wanted us dead. And then the marine's next words made my heart momentarily stop.

"So I decided to follow your crew, trace your route, find out what you were up too… It was difficult to figure out which path you followed from the capes, but a very helpful whale with a Jolly Roger on its forehead pointed me towards Whiskey Peak- inadvertently, I suspect. From there, it was easy. I just followed the trail of destruction and liberated kingdoms." Smoker chuckled wryly. "Of course, it helped that when I got to Alabasta yesterday morning, I saw a familiar ship with an unfamiliar Jolly Roger flying- being pulled into port by a sea cat and crewed by a bunch of seal-turtle hybrids, no less. Your crew certainly doesn't do anything by half measures."

"They're called kung-fu dugongs," I muttered irritably as I tried to get my thoughts in order. Merde… I hadn't counted on Smoker having actual detective skills! Yes, that would've been par for the course where I came from- a law enforcement official being trained in basic deduction made sense- but here?! The only marine I remembered having any sort of ability in that direction was Vice-Admiral Jonathan. Overall, the seagoing arms of the law had always seemed like a more "shoot first, think later" kind of organization. But I suppose rationalizing it wasn't helping. It didn't matter how or why; the fact was I'd underestimated Smoker, and now I needed to figure out if that was going to come with a price.

"Is that so? Never heard of them, but I suppose they're cute enough."

I sighed; my grip on Smoker's hand tightened. "Alright… You've told me how you figured us out. What do you want from me?"

"Answers." The music changed, from a waltz to a foxtrot. Faster, harder for me to figure out the pattern- but I think I did well enough. I had my Senior Bronze dances, after all; I wasn't hopeless at this, even if I was more comfortable doing it on ice. "Why is a pirate crew sailing around helping people? You've made quite the habit of liberating oppressed countries or driving off potential oppressors- not what I'd expect from a bunch of brigands."

"I wouldn't call us brigands." Whispering was harder now that we were moving faster. "The term I would use- although I'm not sure if you're familiar with it- is peace-main."

Smoker snorted. "An archaic term. What does it even mean?"

"Adventure. Freedom." Despite my nerves, I had to smile. "Don't get me wrong- we love a good fight, we love treasure, and we're certainly not above stealing from someone we think deserves it. But we raised the Jolly Roger because we want to live outside the law, not actively defy it. Except when the law is wrong. Then we defy it because not doing so would be the same as saying we agreed with it."

Frowning, Smoker looked like he could really use a cigar. Or two. "Why not work from within the system then, change it?"

"Oh? Is that what you tell yourself you're doing?"

My dance partner growled. Clearly I'd hit a nerve. But I knew this argument like the back of my hand, both from the alignment grid and from video games. Why were we laid back to back, why were we laid face to face? I must be the light when you're in the dark. "You've never been promoted beyond captain, even though you're strong enough for it. You could reach vice-admiral in a couple of years, easily- if you play by the government's rules. But you don't. You do what you think is right, and while it's never taken you far enough outside the law that you've been demoted or arrested, it keeps you from getting high enough in the organization to have any power. To make any changes. Let me ask you this, Smoker- if you knew a greedy slimeball of a man was going to steal the results of eight years of hard work from Tashigi, would you do anything in your power to stop him?"

"Of course." The marine's nostrils flared in irritation. "Tashigi may be a forgetful klutz, but she's a good soldier and one of my best friends."

"What if that man were a marine?"

Smoker immediately stiffened. I smiled, as innocent as that cat that ate the canary. With no answer forthcoming, I ploughed on. "See- that hesitation is just what the World Government wants. What you're feeling is what holds all their little pets together, keeps you in line no matter what you think about some of their actions. Now, you know what my crew has done. We liberate oppressed islands, save small children, protect nations from megalomaniacs trying to conquer them, root out corruption… All the same sort of things marines are supposed to do. The only real difference between you and I are the colours we fly under. So, Smoker, I want an answer from you- given how similar we are, which of us is more effective? Which of us is actually free to act?"

No answer. I was getting much better at this sort of thing- certainly coming to enjoy it. Smoker and I weren't even moving anymore, frozen in the middle of the dance floor as he processed my question. My smile grew into a grin, albeit sadly a much less demented, intimidating one than usual given the makeup concealing my scars. "Because we live outside the law, my friends and I can act where someone who acts within it couldn't. Or at least, not quickly or easily. And sometimes that's what the world needs; the battle between good and evil takes place on a different axis than the battle between law and chaos, after all. Remind me to tell you the story of Robin Hood sometime."

I pulled away- which took some effort given the hold Smoker still had on my right hand- and did my best to disappear into the crowd. My small size helped with that; all I had to do was get a few tall people between myself and the marine captain, match their rhythms for a while as I gained some distance, and I was gold.

That said, I really didn't want to dance again. Wasn't sure if I could take any more secret conversations, and it wasn't like anyone would want to dance with me for any other reason. So instead of hiding behind a curtain again, I decided that screw not knowing my way around, I was getting out of that room and finding myself a nice secluded courtyard or something to hide in. Matching the rhythm of the crowd, I slipped towards the door and crept out. I absorbed the force of impact of my footsteps as I went, leaving my passage nearly silent. It would've been dead silent had I not had to deal with the swishing of the silk gown I was wearing.

I love my powers. They're good for so many useful things.

Unfortunately, the problem of not knowing where to find a nice little courtyard still raised its head. Wandering aimlessly, I somehow ended up back at Vivi's room; thankfully, there was no one around to jokingly compare my sense of direction to Zoro's. Shrugging, I went in. If I was going to end up here of all places, I may as well change back into my usual clothes. It wasn't like I was planning on going back to the party anyways.

Thus re-equipped- pants, how I'd missed you!- I returned to the issue at hand. If I were a royal courtyard, where would I hide? Out… Out the princess' window, tabarnak! I turned and slammed my forehead into the nearest available object with a groan of frustration. Stone with a layer of colourful fabric layered over it- a wall hanging.

"Suis un idiot." Why hadn't I thought of that earlier? Better yet, why hadn't I noticed when everyone was forcing me into the dress in the first place? I could've hidden in a shrub and avoided the whole party mess. Maybe. Okay, probably not. They might've sent someone to retrieve me.

Opening one of Vivi's bedroom windows, I climbed down the wall using a pattern of flowers carved into the stone. They led me down into a garden, full of exotic flowers that I couldn't name. Bright reds, oranges, and pinks poked massive blooms out of a mass of glossy green, filling the air with a sweet, heavy scent. It was kind of like inhaling fruit punch, to be honest. I perched on the edge of a fountain and stared up at the stars. Oh, this was much better. I couldn't even hear the party from here; the only noise was the burble of the fountain and the soft hiss of a cool desert wind.

Judging by the largest moon, I sat there for at least a couple of hours. And really, it was just amazing to be in a world that had multiple bodies orbiting so close. I'd been here for months now, but the sight still filled me with awe. And I had yet to decode the constellations of this world, to learn their stories of gods and heroes… Maybe someone we'd meet would be able to tell me.

Eventually, footsteps disturbed my thoughts. Three sets- two human, one animal. I turned to look at the source of the noise, just in time to see Johnny and Yosaku enter the courtyard with Ruatha. My dragon immediately raced ahead of the hunters, launching himself at me in a flying tackle. "Monah! Jii!"

"Sorry bud. Guess you didn't like the party either, eh?" I scratched my dragon's head. He purred like a cat and curled up contentedly on my lap.

"Niid. Pogaan shar joriin; sahlon gaas."

"I have no idea what you just said," I informed my dragon fondly. Continued to pet him, I glanced up at Johnny and Yosaku. "What're you two doing here?"

"Thought you could use the company Big Sis!" Johnny held up a pitcher full of some sort of juice, a trio of empty glasses in his other hand.

Yosaku snorted fondly and ruffled his partner's hair. "And we kinda maybe offended some cousin of Big Sis Vivi's when I told him we were together and Johnny was off the market, so Big Sis Nami may've told us to lie low and not start a brawl right in front of a couple marine captains."

The green hunter sat stiffly beside me; I winced in sympathy. Most of Yosaku's face and torso were still covered in bandages from fighting Mr Five. Chopper had done the best he could, but the green hunter was still in some level of pain, and there was a good chance some of the wounds would scar. Still, I personally considered it a downright miracle that Yosaku- having neither a Devil Fruit nor massive levels of training- could be up and moving so soon after getting blown up like he had.

Johnny poured the drinks and maintained control of the pitcher. And whatever it was, the stuff was good. A lot like orange juice, but not quite as sweet, mixed with hints of cinnamon, honey, and raisins. It had a bit of a bite to it and a bitter aftertaste. And I was thirsty. I hadn't noticed until now… It must've been the dancing. I finished my glass before I knew it.

"Ah, that's great!" I set my glass down with a clink, swatting at a bug that had landed in my bangs. "What is it?"

Both hunters shrugged. "Local drink. Didn't recognize the name." Yosaku sipped his slowly; even the act of swallowing hurt him somewhat. Johnny drank his much more quickly, eyes lighting up.

"Wow Big Sis- you're right. This stuff's amazing." The blue hunter glanced at the pitcher, then at me. I could see the gears whirling in his head- he was trying to figure out if he could win should this turn into a full-on Straw Hat food fight. Apparently deciding he couldn't, Johnny paused for a moment before a sly expression took over his face. "I'll play ya for it."

"What?" I was confused. Johnny's smile broadened.

"A set of games- the winner of each one gets another drink. That way it's fair, and we don't have to get mad at whoever finishes it."

Well, a more sensible way would've been to just divide the volume of liquid in equal parts, but who was I to say no to a little friendly competition? It could double as training. Besides, Sanji would probably get the recipe and then we could have it as much as we wanted at future parties. "You're on. Name your game."

"Apples and Arrows." When I cocked my head to the side in confusion, Johnny sighed. "Right, forgot you weren't raised in the East Blue. Sorry Big Sis."

"No, it's okay. How do I play?"

The blue hunter looked around for a few minutes before plucking a large, ball-shaped orange flower from a nearby bush. "This'll do." He placed it on his head. "Pick a weapon Big Sis- a ranged weapon. But, um, please not your pistol. And stand five meters back. You've gotta try and hit the flower off my head. One shot- if you miss, I win, but if you knock it off, you win."

Okay… So he was trying to use my poor vision and crappy aim against me? A very good plan. Backing up the required distance, I picked up a pebble and tossed it up and down experimentally. I'd have to use my powers to make the distance, probably- but if I did that, I might bean Johnny with a rock moving at the speed of a bullet. Never used my fruit to increase the force behind a thrown object before… I had no idea what might happen.

Maybe I should just let him win this one. A competition like this… I could probably get away with demanding a different game each time in the name of fairness. Nodding to myself, I took aim at a flower quite a ways to the left of Johnny's head and let fly with a flick of my wrist.

Fsh-pting! Fump! My thrown pebble swished through the leaves of a plant to the right of the one I'd been aiming for, bounced off the corner of a stone bench, and flew back into the flower on top of Johnny's head. Orange petals exploded, scattering everywhere. The blue hunter looked at me in awe.

"Big Sis… Did you try to do that, or was that just luck?"

"Luck…" I squeaked, equally stunned. Then I shook my head and poured myself a drink. "Well Johnny, looks like I'm up one. And for your first challenge… A test of balance! Whoever can walk around the edge of the fountain the most times without falling off wins!"

Johnny's eyes glowed in anticipation as he pumped his arm, bright enough that I could see ice blue even through his sunglasses. "You're on, Big Sis!"

Up above, the moons rose ever higher.

X

The first thing I noticed was the pounding in my skull. It was like ever blood vessel in my head had been filled with liquid pain rather than blood, pulsing like some kind of demented jackhammer. No- Like someone had trapped Akainu in my veins and he was knocking on my skull and brain in an effort to get out. Even without opening my eyes, the light felt like Zoro was stabbing me with tiny golden blades. My mouth was fuzzy as peach skin and tasted like stale raisins.

And whatever I was lying on was hard. Certainly not a bed, or even the firm-but-serviceable sitting room chair I'd been sleeping on since discovering that I still couldn't room with my crew mates. It felt like I was lying on a pile of slate shingles. Which was funny, since I didn't remember lying on a pile of slate shingles.

Actually, the last thing I remembered was playing darts with Johnny while Yosaku shook his head and laughed.

Osti d'épais de marde. Had- had that drink from last night had alcohol in it? Had I been drunk? I'd never been drunk before… Was this a hangover? But we had to head out this morning. I was gonna be late! I couldn't be late- if I was, then we'd leave late and might throw off our whole schedule! There were things coming that had to be done on schedule!

Groaning, I sat up, opened my eyes- and immediately regretted doing either. Pain… So much pain that I felt like I was going to vomit. But I didn't. It took all of my meager focus to keep myself from rubbing my achy, gritty eyes. Owwwwww…

A slow, painful look around revealed that I was on the roof of the palace. Tabarnak… What was drunk me doing last night? I got to my knees with another groan, then to my feet with a third. How was I supposed to get down from here? How had I gotten up here? A glance towards the harbour a couple of kilometers away showed me the Going Merry bobbing proudly at a pier, splashes of colour all over her deck and on the pier around her. Must be my crew mates…

…Who would assume I was already on board! If they hadn't seen me in the suite last night, they probably thought I was in the cargo hold asleep. Tabarnak. I had to get there quickly- but how?

Looking around for something that would help me get down off the roof, I caught sight of a flagpole. Ah, perfect. The green and gold flag of Alabasta waved proudly in the morning breeze… Right above a pair of briefs? The underpants in question were clean and white, with a blue waistband and little seagulls and anchors embroidered in blue all over them in a repeating pattern. The word justice looped across the ass in elegant handwriting. You know, the kind you sometimes see on high-end fashion tags and logos.

Must belong to a marine.

Despite my worry about being late, I couldn't help but stare at the fluttering briefs. There was something fascinating about how gloriously out-of-place they were. I rubbed my temples. Maybe I wasn't quite sober yet, if something like this held my attention so well. Not sure… I'd never been drunk before, so I had no idea if the intoxication could last into the hangover. Although I suppose I could've been drunk on pain at that point. My head really hurt.

Whatever it was, though, I sobered up quickly when I saw a column of smoke slowly rising up around the flagpole. When it reached the underpants, part of the smoke solidified into the familiar, pissed off form of a marine captain. He looked like he'd spent the night chasing rabbits through a briar patch, his hair sticking out every which way, his clothing dirty and frayed at the edges. At first Smoker merely looked generally angry… And then he saw me.

"JONES!"

Smoker launched himself across the gap towards me, eyes glowing red. I turned and bolted, all pain forgotten. When I reached the opposite edge of the roof, I jumped, putting as much force into it as I could- and promptly wondered why I hadn't thought to do this earlier instead of looking around for a way to climb down.

For a few seconds I flew through the air, weightless; then I plummeted back towards the ground near the edge of the city. Wow, I'd stored up a lot of force from somewhere. That might've been part of why I felt so nauseous. I came down on a cobbled street, absorbing force with my powers and bent knees, collapsing forwards into a roll. By the time I was fully erect, I was already running. Hopefully my crew mates weren't so close to casting off that I'd miss the boat.

Something crinkled between my bandoliers and my shirt as I ran; I pulled it out and looked at it. A piece of paper. Unfolding it revealed my own handwriting, albeit much shakier than usual. A few drops of something dark and rusty red spattered one corner of the page. Glancing back, I couldn't see Smoker anymore; that force leap must've thrown him off. Which meant I could safely read whatever I'd written without worrying about being attacked. Not that I expected anything my intoxicated mind had come up with to be particularly important or insightful.

Dear Sober Me,

Not sure if you'llllllll ned this since we've nevr been drunk afore, but if yous forgot… Last night wes AWESOME. I beat Johny at almost allllllll the games- cept second round of Apples and Arrows, Tabarnak! Hihihi, sounds like bunr barnacles. One of them was a d-d-d-d-duel; maybe he'll take his trainin mre seriously now. Anywho, Nami found us and asked what we were doin, then got mad and started hittin Johnny after we splained. Apparently whatever we drinked drank was like that time Dad's friends tricked him into drinking a buncha screwdrivers. Hihihi, screwdrivers to get hanmered. Wild pun! If we's dead tomorrow, it's ain't my fault. You the one who liked that stufffffff so much.

We couldna slurp sleep and kept botherin people- says Nami; I dona think so- so Sanji told us to go bug the marines if we were gonna be such a… I didna understand word he used. Parisian French, methinks; never heard it before and cana spell it. So we did. Took about threeeeeee hours to get to the harbour- I thinked thought it was closer, but maybe not. Although we kept runnin into that one pair a dancin girls with the big cactus over 'n ver. That mighta somethin a do with it. Smokey's ship was fun; there were lots of locks and springs and stuffs for us to play with…

X

"Many a trues word has been spoken by the jest; standing against the tide is the noblest of gestures. Little pearls of wisdom that tumble from the light can make us laugh until we cry because we know that they are right~!" I sang under my breath as I climbed up the anchor chain of the ship. I could've used the ramp leading from the pier to the deck, but that wasn't cool enough. I was a pirate! I was supposed to don things this way!

Stifling a giggle, I hauled myself up over the rails onto the deck of the man o'war. Human-shaped shadows patrolled the ship, highly visible against the stars and the lights of the city in the distance. I rushed to crouch behind a cannon, but tripped over a coiled line on the way there, sending me crashing into the deck with a soft thud. One of the nearer patrolling shadows stiffened and approached.

"Who's there? Show yourself!"

"Sesehihihihihi! Silly marine! Who's not here; who's on first!"

Peeling myself away from the wood, I found myself face-to-musket with a frowning young man. His hands were shaking; unruly locks of platinum blond hair framed confused green eyes. "Who are you and how did you get here? Don't you know this ship's off limits to civilians?"

"And if I sees one, I'll be sure to lets him know." I stood up and grinned.

The marine in front of me faltered, thrown off by my response. After a moment, he seemed to decide that the appropriate reaction was to shoot me; I lunged forwards and grabbed his gun as soon as I saw the twitch in his hand, pointing the muzzle at the sky as he tightened his finger on the trigger. An explosive shot sounded right by my ear, leaving me half-deaf with my head ringing. I responded by delivering a heavy thump to the marine's head, hard enough to knock him unconscious.

"S'rude to shoot at people when they's done nothing wrong, mate," I informed the insensate youth. He didn't respond. Whistling softly, I found the main hatchway and bolted inside before anyone came to investigate the gunshot.

The doors to all the cabins and holds and stuff were locked. I drooped with disappointment- and then my grin came back full force. Hihihi, force! Was it a pun any time I used that word? Anyway, this was a perfect opportunity for training. If things went wrong, I wouldn't be breaking anything important- just a silly marine ship- so Nami couldn't be mad and add to my debt!

I really needed to get rid of that quick. It was just a lump sum now, but if I accidentally pissed her off again, she might add interest.

"Hooke's Law!" The first lock I tried exploded when I tried to compress all the springs at once. I pouted and picked up the pieces, examining them. What was I doing wrong? Was it just that I couldn't see the insides? Experimentally, I took one of the springs that had been fired out and rested it on the tip of my finger. "Hooke's Law!"

The spring extended and compressed with my will, confirming my suspicions that I could use my powers this way. I spent a while just making it go up and down- it looked like a little caterpillar standing up on my fingertip, searching for food. So cute! Hmmm… With this application of my powers, a Slinky might be a viable weapon. But that was stupid. Where would I even find a Slinky in this world? They might never have been invented!

I should make a Slinky.

Maybe the problem was that I was trying to do many springs at once. Gathering up the rest of the springs from the exploded lock, I placed them all on end on the palm of my hand. "Hooke's Law!"

It took a little more concentration, but I could still make all of them bob up and down. So yes… It had to be that I couldn't see them that was throwing me off. That just meant I needed more practice! If I could find the right amount of force… Picking locks like this would be so cool!

"Hooke's Law! Hooke's Law! Hooke's Law!" I went through several more locks in quick succession, varying the amount of force I put into them. Too little and nothing happened; too much and they exploded in my face. I couldn't seem to find the sweet spot, though, the point where I unlocked them without severely damaging them. "Hooke's Law! Hooke's Law! Hooke's Law! Hooke's Law!"

Eventually it occurred to me to rip a lock off a door and open it up so I could have a look at what was going on inside. I watched, fascinated, as the springs twitched when I applied my powers. Slowly, slowly… Yes, if I pushed the force in at a slow, steady rate instead of a big burst, I could make the springs compress without exploding. Kind of like when I'd used gravity to squish Ten and Tuesday. I giggled at this discovery. Oh, this could be useful in the future.

By then there was only one cabin in the ship that I hadn't unlocked and had a look inside. It seemed a shame to leave it out. Pressing my finger to the lock, I pushed in a slow stream of force. "Hooke's Law!"

Pa-tick.

"Yes!" I did a little happy dance in front of the door as it clicked and swung open. This nearly made me trip over my own feet, but I didn't care. Now, what was inside?

Not much, it turned out. A cot pressed up against one wall, a desk covered in loose papers, and a small dresser. I made a face at the desk- paperwork! Boring! But if there was anything I'd learned from video games, it was that the dresser might have something interesting in it. I bounced over to have a look. But it was boring too… Socks, black pants, more socks, briefs that said "justice" on them. I snickered at the last one. Who would've thought- marines were symbols of justice right down to their underpants!

Heavy boots on the wood behind me made me jump and turn around. Staring down at me, arms folded, was Smoker. "Jones… What're you doing on my ship?"

"Nothing!" I held my arms behind my back- in part to look more innocent, and in part so Smokey wouldn't see I'd picked up some of his underwear.

He frowned at me. "Are you drunk?"

"Maybe? Sesehihihihihi! I dunno; I've never been drunk before."

Groaning, Smokey raised a hand to rub his forehead. "You are drunk. And you've somehow escaped your crew mates. Well… In my experience, alcohol makes men more honest, even if it comes with unfortunate side effects. So I guess it's as good a time as any to question you. You said your crew are good, that you tend to perform the same function as the marines, so… What do you think of us? Marines as a whole?"

"I hate your cigars," I informed him, "The smell hurts my nose." Shrugging, I focused on the fur collar of his jacket. It looked so soft… I wanted to pet it. "I try to make opinions about people rather than organizations Smokey- I know good marines and bad marines, just like I know good and bad pirates. You'n Tashigi're okay, say, but I hate the butt-face magma puppy. He's so focused on law that he can't understand good… Kills his own men for being cowards even if the fight they're running away from isn't one they could possibly win… And he killed someone I cared about."

Pausing, I shook my head. "No, wait- that hasn't happened yet. Won't happen- I won't let it."

Smoker sighed. "As much as I admire your dedication to seeing people as individuals, that's not what I asked. You have to have opinions on the marine organization as a whole. Do you think it's a good system? If the corruption could be rooted out, and maybe some of the laws changed… What do you think of us?"

Letting out a sigh of my own, I looked up to stare flatly into Smoker's eyes. Doing so made me dizzy for some reason- although maybe that was just rapid head movement. "Smokey…" I said with all seriousness, "When it comes to the marine organization as a whole, disregarding individuals who I like or dislike for reasons, there's really only one thing I can say."

"And that is?"

"I'd rather live an honest lifetime with those with nothing to lose than waste a life knee-deep in shite that's polished slick to look just right~ I'd rather live a lifetime in the company of fools~!"

My singing clearly annoyed the marine. I could see a vein twitching in his forehead. "So you think we're stupid for bowing to the government's every whim."

I shrugged. "You said it, not me. But… Where I come from, there was a document called the Magna Carta. It said that not even the king was above the law. So yeah… I'm not too fond of a system that allows the Celestial Dragons- or World Nobles, or Tenryuubito, whatever you want to call them- to ignore the law and control the marines without consequence."

That made Smoker pause, thoughtful. "But then… If no one is above the law, who makes it?"

"Everyone. Where I come from, people get together in a group and talk about things and vote on things. It's called democracy. It's not a perfect system- or set of systems, really; there's lots of kinds- but it gets the job done better than what the Celestial Dragons have going on. Most of the time, anyways." Great. I was drunk and talking about politics. Guess I was related to my great-uncles after all. I pouted, both at that realization and the subject matter overall. "And they certainly don't deserve to use the title 'dragons.' Dragons are supposed to be either adorable or terrifying; either way, they're magnificent creatures that represent strength, nobility, and freedom- not dumpy men with funny hair who're too scared of oxygen to take their spacesuits off."

"Whether I agree with you or no, don't let anyone else hear you saying things like that. The Celestial Dragons have ears everywhere."

"So do I," I snickered. "Think of me as the pirate version of a Cipher Pol agent."

Smoker raised an eyebrow at that. "A great boast- and again, not something you should spout where just anyone can hear." Sighing, the marine stepped forwards and reached to grab my hand. "Come on; I'll take you back to the palace. Your crew mates can keep you under control until you're sober again. I- I have a lot to think about."

Unable to get out of the way in time, I found one of my arms tugged out from behind my back. Smoker's frown deepened into a glare when he saw the briefs clutched in my hand. "Jones… I will ask you this one time and one time only… What are you doing with my underwear?"

My blood ran cold. I didn't know why- I hadn't been doing anything nefarious. But rather than explaining myself, my instincts screamed at me to run and hide. So I aimed a kick at Smoker's groin, forcing him to dissipate into smoke and release me. Then I bolted. "You'll never take me alive, Horse Marine!"

"JONES! Get your arse back here, you damn-the-eyes-tar!" Smoker was hot on my heels as I tore out of his ship, leapt to the pier, and bolted up towards Alubarna. I kept just out of reach, shoving tiny bursts of force through my feet to send my flying forwards faster than I could actually run.

"Sesehihihihihi!" A very small part of my brain said this was an incredibly dumb idea. It was overruled by the other parts, which were all thinking of the bragging rights. Stealing White Chase's underwear… I bet that was something no other pirate ever had the gall to do. But where should I put them? Somewhere where he'd focus on them for a bit and not me, so I would have a chance to escape. Ah well, I'd think of something when I got to the castle.

"Na na natineutinee, na na natineutinee, na na natineutinee, natineutinee na~!"

X

Well, that at least explained why Smoker had attacked me on sight. I was a little curious as to how my drunken self had gotten on a ship and unlocked everything without being seen until she'd perfected a new technique, and the whole roof thing was still a mystery, but that was probably as good an explanation as I was gonna get. I groaned and crumpled the note against my forehead. Never again… Drinking something without knowing what it was was a stupid, stupid idea. No wonder I felt horrible.

Now that I was clear of Smoker, my adrenaline had died down and the pain and nausea were back full force. When I got to the Going Merry, I was gonna sleep 'til we reached Jaya. Except… I couldn't do that, could I? I still had stuff to prepare. But maybe I could get away with sleeping for two or three days?

One could hope.

Sadly, glorious rest wasn't meant to be. I flailed wildly as I came within earshot of the ship. "Guys! Guys! Wait for me!"

My voice caused everyone on and around the ship to pause in what they were doing. Aww… The reformed Baroque Works agents had shown up with Vivi to see us off. That made me feel all warm and fuzzy for some reason. Maybe I was still a little drunk. And was that Bones with Sharpie on his shoulder? I waved at the assassin; he glanced in my direction and rolled his eyes, rubbing the baby bananagator's head with one hand. Miss Doublefinger- never did find out her real name- smiled from her place beside him. Huh. Well, if she did something to build on what I'd said to him, good for her.

Sabo, standing aboard his own smaller boat beside the Going Merry, threw an empty can at Usopp. "I told you she wasn't down below!"

The gunner sighed and rubbed his head where he'd been hit. "Yeah, yeah, I know. But she sleeps down in the cargo hold, and no one saw her in the palace last night, so what was I supposed to think?"

"Maybe that the person with Kenbunshoku Haki knew what he was talking about?" Sabo raised his eyebrows. High above, Usopp looked properly sheepish.

"Jones was almost late! Gum-Gum Rocket!" Oh no. Luffy launched himself at me, bowling me over and landing on my stomach. The throbbing in my head intensified. "Where were you? What were you doing last night? You just dist- disa- poofed! We were worried!"

"Please, no Fist of Love." I shielded my head weakly. Luffy seemed to understand from my voice exactly how terrible I was feeling, since he actually listened to my request. I waved the note I'd written myself with one hand. "According to this, I was practicing a new technique on a marine ship and stealing Captain Smoker's underpants. While I need to try the technique to make sure, I can confirm the underwear bit- he came after me about it as I was leaving the palace. And I spent some of it sleeping off enough alcohol to kill a mule."

Zoro leaned on the rail and smirked. "So… Jones is a lightweight, huh?"

I flipped him off with a groan and stood up, forcing Luffy off of me. "Bite me. Where I come from, what I drank last night borders on lethal. I think, anyway… Ergh… My brain's trying to dig its way out of my ears."

Climbing aboard the Going Merry made me dizzy. I scowled at Ruatha when my dragon started running towards me, halting him in his tracks. I did not need a flying tackle from a dog-sized ball of scales right now. Rubbing my temples, I headed for the main hatchway. Sleep…

"Wait! Jones!" But apparently Sabo had other plans. "I promised Green Dragon I'd bring back some useable intel- and you haven't told me anything about Jaya yet!"

Bleh… Did I have to? A quick look around told me that unless I wanted ASL to make my hangover a living nightmare, yes, I did. "Ergh… Fine. Useable piece of intel… The Joker is Doflamingo. Don't go after him without more info- his family are tough bastards, but I can't keep their powers and weaknesses straight right now. Head hurts… And he's got a man in the marines, a vice-admiral, I think. Vertigo?"

"I think you mean Vergo," a low voice rumbled from a ship on the other side of the Going Merry. I looked up and groaned loudly. Smoker… But I thought I'd escaped. Thinking quickly, I hid behind Ace. He could keep Smoker off my back.

But the marine didn't seem interested in attacking me right now- and he did seem interested in my human shield. "And now one of Whitebeard's division commanders. This crew's just full of surprises. So I guess you kids would know why the old man scared the piss outta the government by sending a bunch of his boys to Paradise."

There was a question hidden in those words- a question and an order. Of course, no one orders the Straw Hats around and gets away with it. Luffy looked up at Smoker and stuck out his tongue. "None of your business Smokey!"

"I'm a marine; it's always my business when pirates go places they aren't expected to, or start doing things pirates don't usually do. And I suppose it's my business, too, if little girls start spreading rumours about high-ranking marines or seem to know things no one possibly could. Not that I think Vergo being a mole is just a rumour- there always was something fishy about him." Smoker shrugged. "I thought it was just his smell, from all the stuff he gets stuck to his face."

"Not a little girl," I muttered. "Only ten years younger than you."

Smoker raised an eyebrow and folded his arms. "Then what are you?"

"Told you last night- peace-main. Also a witch, and a karate-ka… and currently hung over. Now piss off so I can share important stuff that doesn't concern you with my crew mates." I flipped the bird at the inquisitive marine.

Smoker made no move to leave the rail of his ship, nor to order his men to cast off. Instead he snorted. "Hung over… Well, you deserve it. Just pummelling you wouldn't be punishment enough though; I need time to think of a way to make you pay for last night. Properly."

Nami smirked and cooed. "Aw, did your date not work out? But you two looked adorable together."

That set both of us off. Smoker turned red and reached for his jitte- then thought better of it and turned around, storming away. I, meanwhile, slammed a fist down on top of Nami's head like she'd done so often to everyone else. "WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK WAS THAT FOR?! SMOKER AND I WEREN'T DATING, TABARNAK! HE WAS PHISHING FOR INFORMATION AND I WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM THAT CHAOTIC GOOD AND LAWFUL EVIL ARE THINGS THAT EXIST!"

"Ouch." Rubbing her head, Nami glared at me and lashed out with a punch of her own. I jumped back, out of the way. Didn't need any more head pain right now, thank you very much. "How about some thanks, eh?! I just got him to leave so you and Sabo can talk secrets if you need to!"

"Oh…" Well didn't I feel stupid? "Sorry…"

"You're welcome." Brushing imaginary dust off her shorts, Nami shot a sly look at Zoro. "Of course, there's still the matter of his little dance with the swordswoman…"

"Nothing happened," Zoro announced gruffly. "She was trying to get me to give up my swords, talking shit about named blades not being meant for evil and violence… I said no way. A sword's a sword; it's made for fighting, and a sword's spirit is happiest when it tastes battle."

Nami looked disappointed that there was nothing she could exploit from Zoro and Tashigi's dance. The sailing master huffed and headed off to plot our next course. Sighing and rubbing my temples, I turned back to Sabo.

"So… You wanted to know about Jaya, right? Can't really say more than I already have- I dunno what's changed from what I know, whether he has eyes around here somewhere… Sorry. But there'll be something going down when we get there. Something big. Something that might chart a new course for the whole world. But if it goes wrong," I waved my arms to encompass the Going Merry and everyone on her, "We're all toast. Rookies-challenging-a-Yonko-level toast. So if you're asking because you're considering coming with us… Be prepared to fight someone who could kill Whitebeard." Okay, not in open battle, but still…

Sabo paled, but his it quickly. I could see him calculating something rapidly in his head. "I won't travel with you," he answered finally, "But I'll be there. I can't let my brothers face someone like that without me. There's just something I need to pick up first."

Up on Merry's poop deck, Ace was looking pretty pale too. "I- I guess I should tell Marco that he, Namur, and Haruta need to meet us on Jaya. Wow… That's closer than I thought."

I shrugged. "Sorry."

Ace looked like he was about to come over and ask to borrow one of my den-den mushi to call his crew mates- but he fell over on his face instead. A loud snore emerged. Ah, narcolepsy. A shudder ran up my spine at the thought. Having something like that, where your body could be out of your control without warning at any time… Terrifying.

Chopper jumped up with a squeak, cantering up to the poop deck. "Aiyeeeeee! Ace! What happened? Someone get a doctor!"

"You're the doctor," Usopp reminded him.

The reindeer blushed. "Oh. Right." Chopper busied himself with briskly checking Ace over. He stopped a minute later with a sigh. "Narcolepsy… I don't know anything that'll help with that. But maybe I can study Ace and it might help me develop something."

Sabo tipped his hat and set sail shortly after Ace collapsed. That left us Straw Hats more or less alone with Vivi and the Baroque Works agents- there was no one visible on the deck of Smoker's man o'war. The princess looked like she was fighting back tears as she stared up at us. "I… I never dreamed I'd say this to a bunch of scruffy pirates, but I'll miss you."

Never dreamed you'd say it, eh? Your Rainbow of Dreams illusion said otherwise, princess. You want to be one of us; you're just afraid to admit it.

Luffy grinned down at Vivi and held out his hand. "You can come with us if you want. Then you don't have to miss us!"

That made Vivi pause for a long moment. She looked tempted- very tempted. But in the end, her shoulders slumped and she shook her head. "N-no. I can't. My people need me; even with having headed the civil war off when we did, previous skirmishes and the drought did a lot of damage. There's a lot of rebuilding to do, and my father isn't getting any younger. He'll need my help." The princess shot us a watery smile. "Besides… As one of the co-leaders of the Suna-Suna Clan and a former frontier agent, I'm the best one for communicating between the rebels, the agents, the people, and my father. So as much as I'd like to take you up on your offer, Luffy, I have to decline."

Pouting, Luffy doodled shaped on the rail with his finger. "Fine… We're gonna miss you though. If you change your mind… Well, you're already one of us, so you just gotta come home!" He ended with a sunny grin.

That broke Vivi's control over her tears. The started to fall, silent and quick, spotting the stone at her feet. Some of my crew mates joined her- Usopp and Chopper were sniffling, while Johnny and Yosaku were outright bawling into each other's arms. Sanji drooped with disappointment. Even Zoro looked unhappy. Ruatha, my dear little baby, crooned and lashed his tail. Then he flared one of his wings and ran his claws through the feathery scales. A large one- a primary- came loose; Ruatha chirped happily and dropped it over the side. Vivi caught it and tucked it into her hair as Zoro went to raise the anchor.

There was silence for a while, other than the shouting of orders as we guided the Going Merry out of the harbour. And yes, my head was still hurting the whole time. But as much as I would've loved to sleep, I wouldn't do that until we were out on calm waters and no one needed me. Chopper brought me a mug of herbal tea to drink while I adjusted the lines. It helped somewhat.

As we left the harbour, a series of loud, sucking splashes sounded behind the Merry. Doya popped his head out of the water, his apprentices beside him, and waved. Behind the dugongs was Bluestar; the sea cat had one massive paw raised in imitation of the dugongs. It made him look like a giant maneki neko. Grinning broadly, I waved back at the animals from my place in the rigging, leaning back and pulling a line tight as I did so.

Robin stood on the deck the whole time, looking around, not quite sure where she fit. And no one really thought to give her any instructions either- we weren't used to her presence yet. Even me. I'd expected her to join, aye, known she was coming, but like with many things since arriving in this world… Knowing was different than actually having it happen.

Once out on the open sea, Alabasta and Smoker's ship growing fainter on the aft horizon, work relaxed. With calm water and a gentle breeze, Merry almost seemed to sail herself. Actually… Knowing what would come later, I couldn't say for certain that she wasn't. Everyone assembled on deck, around Robin in a semi-circle. Well, except Ace- he was still lying on his face on the poop deck.

"Can we really trust her?" Zoro demanded, arms crossed. Sanji spun to shoot him a glare.

"Of course we can Moss-Head! The lovely Robin would never betray us~" The cook's eyes turned into hearts.

"It's a valid question," Zoro shot back. "She was a high-ranking member of an enemy organization- she could turn on us. What guarantee do we have that she's one of us? She's said she doesn't want to be."

"She is," Luffy said quietly. His voice silenced the arguments I could see Sanji and Nami formulating. "I can tell. Right Jones? She's one of us- one of the originals."

"Aye…" I hung my head. Ruatha climbed up onto my shoulders and began nosing through my hair.

Both Robin and Lisa looked confused. Wait- Lisa? Oh, right… I hadn't told her about the whole "other worlds" deal yet. Kept it quiet in front of Vivi, Jack, and Mairead, and she wasn't in the room when I explained to Chopper.

Robin's eyes narrowed. "Originals? What does that mean? I was never part of your crew- not until your captain grabbed me and refused to let go."

Luffy put a hand on my shoulder, offering reassurance I didn't really need. "Tell her, Jones."

"I know, I know. Just gimme a second- have to figure out how to make her believe." Let's see… Hmm… "Okay Robin- and Lisa, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this earlier. So, as for how I know everything I do… We say I'm a witch, and in some ways that's true, but my future knowledge doesn't come from dreams or visions. It's… Not easy to explain. I come from another world, where this one is the setting for a comic book. The main characters of this comic were the Straw Hat Pirates; it chronicled Luffy's journey to become the king of the pirates. I- I ended up here by accident, when I thought to die." I rubbed my forearms together nervously.

Lisa reacted by rushing over to grab my arms, rolling up my sleeves to get a better look at the scars she knew were there. Green eyes stared up at me, shiny and wet. The little painter didn't say anything. All she did was wrap her arms around my waist and hug tight, burying her face in my chest. I couldn't tell whether she believed me or not- I think learning where those scars had come from distressed her far more. The forceful hug made me uncomfortable, but I endured it, patting Lisa's head to reassure her.

Robin looked skeptical. The archaeologist frowned at me. "I- that isn't possible. I preferred the explanation that you used magic."

There was nothing I could really say to that. Robin was skeptical of the magic explanation too- and even if I could say something to confirm, it wouldn't be able to differentiate between the two. And even that was unlikely. Anything I could say to Robin would most likely point back to my Uncle Indy story. Unless…

That would work. I glanced around apologetically before I spoke. "Sorry… Gonna have to break the "no backstory" rule for this one."

Luffy nodded. "Go ahead Jones."

Nodding, I looked back at Robin. "The reason you ended up with a wanted poster so soon after the destruction of Ohara was that you called out to your mother that you were an archaeologist like her and could read the Poneglyphs too. It was Aokiji who let you get away, guiding you to a safe island with a trail of ice. He did it in part because he didn't want to kill a child- and in part because he was honouring his friend Jaguar D Saul, a friend he was ordered to kill as part of the Buster Call."

Olive skin paled to chalky white. "How… You said your uncle was an archaeologist- your knowledge of Ohara had to come from him. No one could know that. How- how did you know?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Which would you rather believe- that I have magic powers beyond even what Devil Fruits can explain, or that I come from another world where all this is a comic and I saw your childhood drawn out on paper?"

"Both are equally unbelievable…" Robin shook her head. "If you did come her from another world, though… How did you get here? You said you thought to die- how, then, did you tear down the walls between worlds?"

That was something I'd never been able to come up with a satisfactory answer to. I shrugged. "Magic."

"Then the answers are one and the same." Robin leaned back against the mast. "Unless you can prove and recreate the situation, it doesn't matter. But I suppose I prefer the idea of world-walking to that of visions- it may be equally unexplainable magic, but books are something I understand." She looked pensive and uncomfortable. Hopeless and resigned. "I suppose… I suppose if this story has already been written, though, that means our fates are carved in stone."

"Nope! The original story may be already written, but this version's different. I wasn't here in the original, for one thing. Lots of stuff's been changing. Fate…" I let out a humourless laugh. "Fate's not written in stone- it's barely even sketched out with a pencil." I didn't tell her about being in a fanfiction, another version of myself at the keyboard. It wasn't something I'd told any of the others, after all, and it wouldn't make a difference that I knew of.

No one said anything after that. A line unravelled somewhere above, falling in such a way that it ended up draped over everyone's shoulders, almost as if Merry meant to tie us together. Ghin glanced up at where the line had come from and grumbled under his breath. A corner of the mainsail flapped freely in the breeze; the line that had dropped was one of the major ones.

Heavy flapping filled the air in the silence. A moment later, Geier landed on the rail with Drifter. The otter wore his Mountie uniform proudly. One paw held tight to his partner's feathers while the other held up a sign. So that's where your knowledge comes from. I've heard weirder… Although usually from drunks I arrested after barroom brawls spilled out into the streets.

Usopp jumped and let out a little yip of surprise. But he didn't aim his slingshot at the animals, so there was that. "What're you two doing here?!"

Your Jones offered to help us find employment after Baroque Works fell, Drifter wrote. I think she meant to smooth the way for us in Alabasta, so we could take up careers there like the other officer and frontier agents. The thing is… That doesn't sit with our goal. There's someone we're searching for… We need employment that can help us find him. So, pirates… where would you suggest?

Zoro looked at the otter and scowled. "Same question as with her," he said, jerking a thumb in Robin's direction. "If they come, how do we guarantee they won't turn on us? Especially since they turned on their last boss 'cause they liked Jones better."

This time Sanji folded his arms. "Who says they're coming, eh Shitty Mossball?" The cook blew a smoke ring at the bosun. Zoro waved it away with a huff.

"Just watch Shit Cook. Explanation arriving in three, two, one…"

"SO CUTE!"

"FLYING'S COOL! JOIN MY CREW!"

Luffy and I crowded the Unluckies at the same time. I plucked Drifter off of Geier's back and snuggled the otter close. He was so adorable in his little red jacket and tiny Stetson! Like a novelty teddy bear come to life. And the vulture didn't escape either. Luffy latched onto Geier and began a detailed examination of her wings, running his fingers through her feathers, and flexing and extending the great limbs by hand. Shrieking at the indignity, the vulture tried to rake my captain with her beak. He was too quick though; her strike rent only air.