Lee woke up in the dark of the morning, a warm weight at his side and the soft sound of a bear breathing nearby. He felt comfortable as a person only can in that space of time between waking up, finding oneself in a luxurious bed and surrounded by the peace and quiet of sleeping loved ones, and the time when one actually has to get up. He felt Hester stir at his side, a second warm spot closer to his feet and well out of the way of the larger warm spot cuddled against him, or any chance of accidental touching. She was content too, Lee could just sort of tell, like when they were alone in the sky watching the blazing glory of the setting sun while the cool winds whipped at hair and fur and the world spread out forever beneath them. There were times and places when it was just enough to be alive.
Of course it could not last. Even if all remained peaceful in the room, Lee's own thoughts intruded. This was the day he would be returning Lyra and Pan to their father. This might well be the last time he saw them, should the father take offence in Lee's methods of guardianship that had been so utterly botched as to not only nearly get his daughter killed on several occasions but had also nearly killed himself as well.
He still felt the stiffness in his limbs, the ache of not quite fully healed bruises alongside the discomfort that comes when muscles go unused for too long during a convalescence, and then are called upon once more. He also felt the discomfort of an overly full bladder, something pressing enough that he was going to have to shorten this final peaceful moment sooner rather than later.
The hotel had a distinct chill to it away from the blankets piled over the bed. Lyra might have been thrilled to be staying in a 'castle', but certain architecture was at a disadvantage in keeping the elements at bay, and stone walls with deep inset windows were not ideal. Lee had had more comfortable stays at far less grand locations than what their rooms aspired to be. Lee pulled away from the bed's warmth with great reluctance, feeling the chill of the morning beneath his feet even through a pair of thick socks and the intricately yet somehow also generic woven carpet across the stone floor. Hester insisted on being carried like the spoiled hare she was and Lee pretended to be annoyed as he gently picked her up, not having a pocket handy in his nightclothes. He hobbled stiffly, knowing no one was awake to see his awkward gait and tried not to curse too loudly at the way his muscles ached and the cold bit into him.
He meant to take care of his business and hurry back to bed. His movement must have disturbed the peaceful rest of his companions, however, because by the time he was drying his hands he could hear the soft sounds of people moving about, and when he returned to his comfortable nest of blankets, both Lyra and Iorek were wide awake.
"Good morning, Mr. Lee," Lyra greeted him, far too wide awake in Lee's opinion for the hour of the morning, and it was clear there was to be no going back to bed.
"Morning, Darling," Lee answered, walking across the room with far more care than he had left it, now that he had an audience to see him show signs of stiffness or soreness.
"Did you sleep well, Lee Scoresby?" asked Iorek, giving him a penetrating look, as if he could see that Lee was stiff and sore no matter how carefully Lee walked. Lee would not be surprised if Iorek could smell it on him, somehow, or perhaps hear Lee's joints creaking.
"Like a baby held to its mama's breast," Lee answered with more joviality than he truly felt. It was not just the stiffness he was trying to hide, which would likely be walked off shortly. It was all that was to come on this day. This was the day he would stand before Lord Asriel and say 'here is your daughter, I got her to you'. This was the day of goodbye. But Lyra was clearly not yet anxious, more interested in seeing all the attractions of the room that she had noted the night before than in what was to come, and Lee was not about to bring down her spirits.
The anxiety came. All too soon, Anna Koskinen joined them (through a door Lee was quite certain he had locked) and told them she had ordered breakfast. Lyra took one look at her and at once went from exuberant and interested to withdrawn and silent. The witch did not notice, just smiled at all of them, and led the way to a small feast.
The hotel staff was utterly polite, in that stiff kind of way that always made Lee want to misbehave and do something ridiculous just to get a real reaction. He stifled the urge this morning in favor of easing Lyra's sudden bout of nerves, sharing a story about a breakfast of the past which ended with Lee half naked and diving out a window (for reasons entirely unlike what one would suppose would lead to that, largely to do with syrup spillage, the unfortunate placing of a rather expensive vase, and a rather irate owner of said vase…and husband to a woman who had shown all too much interest in Lee's lost shirt.
"And what did I have to do after diving out the window?" Lee asked, and it was Hester who finished the story saying, "The fool made the perfect escape, doing a dive to make you proud…only to have to turn around, clamber right back up the window, and grab me before we could make our escape. And Mr. Dupont was staring right at us all the while, a vivid red as ever I saw, and the girl just sitting at her place, sipping at her tea, like it was some kind of show."
The story did the trick and Lyra was perfectly relaxed as she ate twice as much as a girl her size looked capable of, sharing her own ridiculous story between mouthfuls, something about her friend Roger and a trick played on one of the cooks.
Then the meal was over, and everyone took their time making themselves presentable, or as presentable as one can be without access to a splendid wardrobe. At any rate they made themselves clean and had on clean clothes, and Iorek had sewn up whatever new holes managed to adorn the nicest of the wardrobe they did have. And all that while, Lyra went quieter and quieter, and Lee could not find it in himself to bring her out of it because he was facing much the same attack of horribleness. He felt like he was dressing himself for the gallows.
Anna Koskinen was, of course, in perfectly high spirits. First she was very appreciative of the breakfast meal…and the servant who brought it to them. Then she was very interested in Lord Asriel and hoped he would be interesting once again, now that he had Lyra. It did not help that her clothes, what little she bothered to wear, perfectly suited her, had no tears or patches whatsoever, and even the bath she had luxuriated over was more for fun than need.
At least she did not try to join Lee in his bath. She might be oblivious and have zero boundaries, but she did not push where no interest was granted. If anything, she was now trying to cozy up to Iorek.
"Do try this water, it is divine," she purred to him.
"Bears swim. We do not bathe," Iorek answered.
"Probably too hot for him anyway," Lee pointed out. It was easy for them to all join in the conversation, seeing as Anna Koskinen did not see the point in closed doors.
Lee took a moment while Anna Koskinen was fussing with Lyra's hair to whisper to Iorek.
"What exactly do we do when they present the bill?" he wanted to know, because Anna Koskinen might have gotten them a stay at the hotel but sooner or later someone would want paying, and hot water, good food, and a fine room all cost probably more than Lee was accustomed to making in a year. And a remote hotel like this one probably had muscle to back it up when the time came. It was the kind of out of the way place that did not bother with the law when it meted out justice.
"I will have the bill sent to Svalbard," Iorek answered.
"And if they protest they want the money right off?" Lee asked.
"Then they shall not get it," Iorek answered with the simplicity of a bear. It only half eased Lee's worries on that matter. Particularly as Lee was not in the habit of letting someone else pay his bill.
"You know they'll inflate it something awful," was all Lee grumbled, though, because what could he do about it? He could pay Iorek back by being his companion and friend but he was short on funds when it came to literally paying him back.
And then there were no more excuses to not take Lyra the rest of the way up the mountain to her father.
Leaving the hotel did have one slightly nervous moment when it was quite clear they might not be coming back (Lee was not leaving anything important so they more or less repacked their bags and left with all they had come with) and none of the hotel staff seemed quite inclined to go up to an armored bear or a witch and demand something so crass as compensation for their stay. But it was clear they wanted paying, and the gathering of strong men with fierce daemons that was slowly congregating in the lobby spelled trouble.
"Will you be staying another night?" was asked in a ridiculously polite tone.
"Perhaps," Iorek answered. "We are going out now. We will know if we desire to return before night falls."
Or they might be needing a faster exit out into the wilds, Iorek did not say.
"Would you be interested in settling your bill now, sir?" asked the same polite man, sounding so utterly and ridiculously polite in fact that Lee was sure the poor man was actually terrified and hiding it behind stiff politeness.
"It will be settled later," answered Iorek. Iorek sounded unconcerned as anything, but Lee knew the bear was having fun at the man's expense.
"Iorek, put him out of his misery," Lee scolded, because they did not need Iorek's sense of humor getting them into a fight on this morning. Giving Lee an innocent, wounded look that Lee did not fall for for a moment, Iorek said, "As I said, it will be settled later. You may send the bill to Svalbard. The debt will be paid."
None of the hotel staff looked convinced, but they did not look inclined to make a fuss, and Lee was not sure which of the two they eyed harder, Iorek or Anna Koskinen, who was casually lounging on her bough, some few feet up in the air. The human-less bird daemon perched on the bear also got a few stares.
"Very good, sir," was the polite reply, and they were allowed to depart with all their things.
It took a couple of hours to get to the lab where Lord Asriel was reported to work, and that was with both a clear path and a witch who knew the way. Lee was allowed to walk for half the distance, letting his stiff muscles stretch beautifully, before an increasingly nervous Lyra was deposited almost in his lap back on the cart, and whatever annoyance he had at being made to ride was overridden by the child's clear need of calming.
Lyra chattered nonstop on anything and everything that came to her, from stories about Lord Asriel, to Roger, to even something about riding an elk that Lee never got the full story on because Iorek interrupted by asking, "What will you say to Lord Asriel when we arrive, Lyra Silvertongue?"
And Lyra went utterly quiet, mumbled something to Pan, and then started talking about mud castles instead.
And then the door was in sight. Lyra's father was on the other side of the door. Trying to pretend his heart was not breaking in his chest, Lee slid down from the cart and went to knock.
"Wait," said Lyra. She slid down too and went to his side.
"Your father will be waiting," Lee said, sounding harsher than he meant, his voice thick with suppressed emotion. The girl did not flinch, though.
"Yes, he will be," she agreed, a sudden steel entering her own voice. She was clearly bracing herself for something. Lee expected perhaps a hug or tears. But there were none. Instead, with a look of intense determination, somewhat at odds on her youthful face, she looked up at him and said, "I need to do this alone."
"If…if that is what you want," Lee answered. He did not know how to feel in that moment. Lyra was geering up for something big, but he had no idea what her plans was. They were at journey's end. There was no more time and no where to go and nothing left to do.
"Don't go before I come back out," Lyra said then, suddenly a small girl again facing a scary unknown. Lee went down on his knees, giving her the hug she had not exactly asked for. She did not pull away at any rate, but leaned in, hugging him back. Into his ear, she whispered, "I don't know what will happen. But wait for me…a bit off the path, in the trees, where they can't see."
"What are you up to?" Lee whispered back.
"I can't say…yet. It all depends on my…on Lord Asriel. If he…I…I think I already know but I can't say. Not if I'm wrong. It would hurt you."
"Lyra…" Lee protested, because she was the child and it was his job to protect her.
"Come, Lee Scoresby," said Iorek. "We will wait as we are asked."
Anna Koskinen looked inclined to argue, but Kaisa flew to her shoulder and said something too soft for human ears. She pouted but stepped back. Lyra waited until the entire party, cart and all, were away under the trees. And then she knocked.
A familiar man with his dog daemon opened the door. The dog sniffed. Then reared backwards. Pan, a ferret, wound about Lyra's heels. One would never have guessed that moments ago he had not been a ferret, but rather a very different sort of animal with a very strong and pungent odor. Lyra knew how to handle dog daemons. Enough of the servants back in Oxford had them, after all. Loyalty was a good look in a servant.
"Lyra?" the man asked, astonished.
"I am here to see my uncle," Lyra said, not a waver to her voice. That was quite a feat considering all the emotions churning up her insides. She felt alone, for all she knew she had friends at her back. She had a plan. And she had no idea how it would go, or even how she wanted it to go.
And then for the first time in months, maybe a year, she laid eyes on Lord Asriel.
The last time she had seen him, he had been an uncle. He hadn't seemed to want her then. He hadn't protected her, not that she'd needed it. He looked at her now as if she were a puzzling problem. Not like an uncle to his niece. Not like a father to his daughter.
"Hello, Uncle," she said, feeling small and sly and a bit ill.
Then he did move, stooping down to hold her to him.
"Lyra," he said, and then, "How did you get here?"
"Mrs. Coulter sent me to you," she said. "Only…we got lost. Didn't you…didn't you know I was coming?"
"I expected you a month ago," he answered promptly, then let her go and held her at arms length. "Let me take a look at you. Are you alone? Isn't the brigade with you?"
Lyra could not answer for a long time. "What brigade?" she asked at last.
"When you did not turn up, I had a brigade sent after you."
There was a longer silence. Lord Asriel stared harder than ever at his daughter, as if trying to piece together her story from the thin air.
"A band of men did come…they killed the aeronaut who was taking me to you." Lyra was staring just as hard back, looking for something. Regret. Gladness. She was not sure what she looked for. She saw nothing.
"I'm sorry for that. I guess I did not send the brigands soon enough…they'd have put a stop to your bandits. You…you weren't hurt?"
"They did not hurt me," Lyra answered. Then, "They started a fire. Some witches came. They were angry. They put out the fire. They brought me to you. One said she knew you. Anna Koskinen."
The expression that flashed over Lord Asriel's face then was complicated, far too complicated for Lyra to read. He said nothing.
"She took me to the hotel and we spent the night. Then she took me here, but she did not care to say. She said you were a boring old man."
Lord Asriel rolled his eyes a bit at that, not annoyed in the least by the witch's assessment.
"She told me to say if you want to be interesting she will be waiting for you. What did she mean?"
"She enjoys games…I enjoy 'boring' science," Lord Asriel answered, now with a slight twinkle to his eye, as if inviting Lyra to laugh. Once upon a time, she had lived for that inviting twinkle. "I suppose you will find my work boring too. I don't know why Mrs. Coulter thought you must come now."
"You don't want me," Lyra said. She did not lament it, or cry. She said it utterly matter of fact. Lord Asriel stepped back, eyes wide, assessing her again.
"You sound so like…" he said. And in a different world, Lyra would have finished his sentence. 'Like my mother? Because I think I sound more like my father.'
Lyra said nothing of the kind. She took a deep breath, held Pan to her heart, and set out to earn her surname yet again.
"I always wanted to see the North, Uncle. I wanted to follow you so badly. But…"
"But?" Lord Asriel looked at her.
"It was so horrible. Those savage men. And the North is so cold…colder than I ever imagined."
"I can turn up the heat…"
"I want to go home."
The words sat between them with the weight of stones, building a wall. If only her father were a different man. He could have knocked that wall down with a word. Lord Asriel remained silent.
"I want to go back to Jordon College."
"Lyra…"
"There's a man at the hotel. I heard him arrive. An aeronaut. A Texan like…" she trailed off, eyes distant, remembering. It was not even fake. She had a lot of horrible things to remember. "He can take me."
"After the last aeronaut, and what happened to him?"
"This one is different. He…he has a bear with him."
"And that makes him better?"
"You said you were friends with the armored bears. You told me all about them in your stories. You said they were a noble people who understood things."
"I said a lot of things, Lyra, that you're too young to really understand."
"These wilds are too wild for me. I…I know I will not enjoy going home…not really. Away from you. After all this adventure. I will be unhappy, I suppose. But…it's safe there. I want to be safe. You never wanted me to come anyway."
There was a longer silence. Lord Asriel spent it studying her. She studied him in return, trying to find the 'father' behind the uncle. Trying to find regret. Sorrow. Anything.
She found relief.
"If that is truly what you wish…you will be safer there."
"And that is all you want, isn't it…to keep me safe, Uncle?"
"Of course."
Lyra felt the sting of tears, pushed more from anger than anything. Because it was not supposed to work. Because her father was supposed to be a different man. He was supposed to want her.
He was not supposed to have sent 'brigands'.
But maybe he did want her, in a way. 'If he fetches it for himself, it will be unhappy, but safe. If it is allowed the journey, it will be happy and safe…but lost to you.' Lord Asriel knew that. Knew that Lyra was happy and safe…and he sent people after her. He would rather her unhappy than lost to him.
It was breaking Mr. Lee's heart to say goodbye, Lyra could tell, but not once had Mr. Lee suggested they run away. He did what was best for Lyra.
So she told Lord Asriel what he needed to hear. She would be unhappy, but safe. And it worked. She had never known success could feel so horrible.
"…Why don't you come and we'll have a meal together…and you can tell me all about your adventures. And then…there isn't really a bed for a little girl here…then I can take you back to the hotel. We'll spend the night. And I'll have a talk with your aeronaut and his armored bear."
"Yes," said Lyra, because she did not think she could say anything else. All she could think about were the people waiting outside to say goodbye to her. She wondered if Hester's ears could hear all that had passed. She had worried about that. She couldn't tell them her plan because…because what if Lord Asriel was pleased to see her. What if he had nothing to do with those awful men who hunted them? What if…perhaps Lyra had still held hope after all. He was hers. Her blood. Her father.
He sent the men who almost killed Lee Scoresby. He had as good as said it. Lyra was not stupid. She'd heard enough of the conversations between those men to piece it together. But she had hoped she was wrong. She was still a foolish child, after all.
The meal was rushed and awkward, with Lord Asriel hopping up every other minute to attend to something or other. She remembered that about him, too. He had wonderful stories and she had thought him the most wonderful of men. 'Busy' had meant 'important' to her, once upon a time. He was an important man doing important things and it was kind of him to take the time to talk to her.
Kind men do not send brigands to keep their daughters safe but unhappy.
Lyra ate as much as she was able to force down her throat, did her best to appear at once relaxed and tortured, like a little girl who trusted her uncle but wanted her safe home.
She held onto the act as long as she could, and then, while Lord Asriel was busy once again, she mumbled something about needing the water closet, and darted outside. She ran for the trees.
They were there. They had not left. She did not know until that moment that she had feared them gone, but then she was in Lee Scoresby's arms, and Iorek was warmth and strenghth and gentleness at his side, and Anna Koskinen was staring at her, a bird on each shoulder, as if she were slightly confused and slightly impressed.
"It's alright," Lyra said, crying all the tears she had refused to let out before. "It's alright. He's going to let me go with you. We can go anywhere together. We can be together."
"Lyra," Lee said, sounding hesitant, and far too adult, like he was about to be noble and sacrifice all their happiness for the 'right' thing.
"Oh don't pretend it ain't what you want, Lee," Hester said, and she hopped over to where Pan, a hare himself, was huddled at Lyra's side. Gently, careful to come nowhere near the human, the larger hare brushed against Pan.
There was the sound of a snapping twig.
Between Hester, and Pan, and Iorek, and two sharp eyed birds and a witch, their band should have been impossible to sneak up on. Perhaps some of their party thought the meeting necessary.
Lord Asriel was looking at them, his expression inscrutable.
"Asriel," Anna Koskinen purred, all sensuality and interest. "I believe I found your missing package."
"Ah…hello, sir," said Lee Scoresby, holding out a hand. "I…"
"This is the Texan aeronaut I met in the hotel," said Lyra quickly. "They followed me to make sure I got in safe."
Lord Asriel stared Lee Scoresby in the eyes and Lee Scoresby stared back. Asriel took note of the bruising, still evident across Lee's face. Of the protective way the bear hovered at his side. Of his own daughter's tears.
"I'd already lost her, hadn't I," said Lord Asriel. "Even before I sent the brigands."
Lee Scoresby did not answer. There was a lot he wanted to say. 'How could you let her go?' being at the top of the list. Perhaps followed by, 'how could she not be the most important thing in your life?' He probably should have had a 'how dare you' in there for all that had happened to him and Hester. But he said nothing.
"My work is important," said Lord Asriel, in answer to all the things Lee did not say.
"More important than her?" asked Lee.
"No…" answered Lord Asriel, which was perhaps the right answer, except he was not finished. "No…but, my work is important. She was better off where she was. Safe."
"He keeps me safe," Lyra put in, standing defiantly in front of Lee Scoresby. "He wants me."
Lord Asriel looked at Lee Scoresby.
"I do," Lee answered the question not asked. "I don't steal what is not mine, but…I do."
There was a very long moment of silence.
"Lyra," said Lord Asriel. "I am entrusting you to the care of this man that you met in the hotel and…"
"Iorek Byrnison," Iorek said. "King of Svalbard."
There was a longer silence. And then Lord Asriel was laughing. "Yes, and the king of the panserbjørn. Go on home to your 'safe' college. I will visit you there."
And he was not laughing anymore.
"Is that what you want to happen?" Lyra asked, young and uncertain, not acting anymore.
"I do want you safe," answered Asriel. "And I want…I want my life to have meaning. You will understand that one day, I think. You will do great things."
"Because I come from greatness?" Lyra demanded. And she waited to hear it. 'because you are my daughter. Because I believe in you.'
"Because you have a drive to get exactly what you want," answered Asriel. "Like…a woman once knew. Like…me."
There was a longer silence. Lord Asriel looked down on her, fond and proud. He likely did not ever realize that this was the real moment he lost her.
"Yes, Uncle," said Lyra.
As Anna Koskinen would tell the story later, they then turned and left, back into the wilderness, a made family leaving behind Lord Asriel to his work.
In actual fact, they did not leave for over a month. In the first place, Lee Scoresby's balloon still needed fixing. Lord Asriel paid. Lord Asriel spent some of that time with his daughter. She allowed it, still searching for something in him that he could not seem to give. She continued to call him 'uncle'. If he knew that she knew better, he never let on. Some of the time talking with King Iorek, forging a connection with the panserbjørn, a people who, unlike the Magisterium, did not care what scientific discoveries he was on the verge of uncovering. Lord Asriel was good at getting what he wanted.
Lee Scoresby healed. And Lyra…Lyra was angry. And Happy. She did not forget what Lord Asriel had done…or almost done. Lord Asriel never fully understood what he had lost, even when the day came for the balloon to take flight with him on the ground and Lyra's family with her, rising into the sky.
Anna Koskinen may or may not have had some fun as well. At any rate, not enough fun to keep her; she and Aake left almost two full weeks before the others. Kaisa stayed until the balloon rose, then went his own way as well, to report all that had passed to his human.
Lyra did not look behind until Lord Asriel shrank away into nothing beneath them. She looked up, to where they were going. She had all the family she needed around her. And that family did actually return Lyra to Jordan College, eventually. They just did not stay, or not for more than a visit.
In the end, Lyra may or may not have been safe. But she was happy. Iorek did have to return home eventually. But he had some friends who visited quite often. And he sometimes would take a turn in the sky with them.
Lee Scoresby knew what it felt like to be beaten. But as the wind swept his hair, and a lithe young child leaned out, and another child grabbed at her from behind and said, 'Careful, Lyra,' and all the world spread beneath them, the clouds on fire in the setting sun, he knew he'd take every beating, if it meant he could have this. Because this was a win.