As soon as everyone and mech knew that Miles' parents had known about them almost as long as they had known about the teen and Barricade, the two had been invited to come to the base for the weekend to see what they thought of it. Judy and Ron had been invited as well, Sam insisting that if Miles' parents got to come than his should, too.
Currently they were all sitting outside, using the space that Sarah had so long designated as a grilling and picnic area. Since then several actual picnic tables had been brought in and settled around the tarmac. Miles and Sam sat at a table with their fathers, Barricade, Will, Epps, Glen, Fig, and Bumblebee.
Ratchet's holoform walked up, his alt mode having been parked next to Bumblebee's, and he sat next to the two fathers.
"Ronald, Bob, I do believe I might be in love with your wives," Ratchet said, a grin on the holoform's face.
Ron Witwicky and Bob Lancaster turned in unison to just stare at the medic, waiting for an explanation. Bumblebee and Will did the same, looking at Ratchet expectantly. It was rare the CMO made time to join them, let alone time where he was initiating conversation almost directly. He was a busy mech and with the energon fiasco they had expected him to be even busier, but here he was.
Miles turned to Sam, "Dude. We'd be like half brothers or some shit if both my mom and your mom got with the Hatchet and we'd have a Cybertronian in the family. How slagging cool would that be?"
That effectively broke the silence, Epps and Sam laughing. Ron and Bob turned to glare at Miles, Ron grumbling something along the lines of 'traitor'.
"I believe it's time for another beer, Bob." Ron said, grabbing two and handing one of them to his friend, before turning to look back at Ratchet. "Do I want to know why you're declaring your love for my wife, or should I not even ask?"
"I can't say I've ever seen anyone successfully shame Optimus into recharging before, but Elizabeth did it." Ratchet sounded a bit awe struck, "And Judy took Prowl. She even read him a bedtime story, but it was from a science book so he wouldn't glitch or spend time thinking over illogical things. I'm not sure if he sent himself to recharge or was actually put to recharge, but both Optimus and Prowl are currently fast asleep."
Bob nodded, "That'd be the mother in them. With Miles and Sam growing up they're reaching out for new ones to adopt. And I'd watch out for my wife, it doesn't matter if you're her relation or not, she will bend you over her knee if you're bad. But she'll also give you tons of food, a shoulder to cry on, or just a warm hug. I know that Judy happens to be at least somewhat the same, that's why they're friends."
"Sarah will be here in a few days with Annabelle. Maybe they can come together to become the mother's of the NEST," Epps suggested, causing Will to snort.
"Sarah will be more then overjoyed to have other mother's to talk to. Most of the girls here either aren't moms, too busy to be moms, or won't be here whenever she is." Will replied, "Sam, Miles, tell Judy and Liz to bring out the baby pictures."
Sam groaned, but Bumblebee perked up, smirking at his charge. Miles shot Bumblebee a questioning glance, prompting the Autobot scout to reply.
"Judy felt it necessary to show me the baby pictures of Sam once she found out I was alive. I have to say, a naked Sam with chocolate cake all over him is my favorite. Especially when he has some on his cute little aft."
"God, Bee!"
Most of the occupants of the table took a moment to thoroughly enjoy Sam's embarrassment as the teen proceeded to yell at his Scout for bringing said pictures up. Epps, Miles, and Glen guffawed; Will and Fig snickered; Ratchet and Barricade looked highly amused; Bumblebee smirked; and Ron and Bob smiled, shaking their heads in amusement. They popped the tops on their cans of beers and tapped them together.
"To them being in diapers seeming not that long ago, damn it." Ron said, grinning.
Bob nodded, "Makes you feel old, doesn't it?"
"Dad, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you were old before I ever arrived on the scene." Miles smirked, causing Bob to smack him lightly over the back of the head.
"Not so old that I felt like yelling at crazy whippersnappers to get off my lawn," Bob replied, then smirked. "Except this time it was crazy aliens."
Barricade glared, "Your beast was attempting to assert it's dominance over me."
"Wait… what?" Sam asked.
He and his Guardian had taken Epps and Prowl up to the look out so they could convene with Optimus. Bob, Barricade, Miles, and Lizzie hadn't appeared for over an hour, and when they did they didn't explain why they were held up. Bumblebee sat up straighter, eyes locking on to Miles. Epps and Sam did the same thing, silently demanding the story.
"Mason got a little… friendly with Barry's leg," Miles told them. He seemed to be impervious to the death glare, because Barricade was trying extremely hard to kill him right there and then. The teen continued, though, not phased in the slightest by it. "Barry freaked out and tried to run, but Mason thought he was playing. I don't know if he glitched or if he's just that stupid, but instead of making his holo disappear he let Mason chase him through the house for about half an hour. Mom kept me from helping him because it was pretty funny, plus Masey needed his exercise for the day and it seemed like the perfect opportunity. But then he glitched some more and left the house, leaving the door wide open, and Mason chased him around outside for about fifteen or so more minutes. Imagine it. I'm standing there watching this advanced robotic being run from a fucking dog and then Mom's telling me to go save him and make sure Mason doesn't leave the yard, so then I have to go out and join the chase to either try to intercept Barry or Mason. I finally managed to get Mason to listen when I said sit, or he just got tired out, but it was quite the thing to see."
Another pause before the whole human half of the table erupted in laughter, except for Miles and Bob, of course. They had laughed hard enough while it was actually happening, now the amusement was just toned down. Though on Miles' part the teen was fully aware that the 'con had most likely only done it to try and make his parents laugh and ease some of the worry they held about those freaky giant alien robots, something he was ever thankful for. He'd told Barricade in no uncertain terms not long after they met that if he so much as growled at his parents then he wasn't going to be helping him out anymore or anything and the 'con had respected that. No one messed with his parents.
"I was not glitched," Barricade tried to defend himself, "I just didn't want to scare your parents."
That backfired spectacularly, Miles grinning. "I think you just wanted Mason to catch you."
The laughter died out as they waited in amused silence to see what the Decepticon Neutral would do in retort. But the 'con just growled, apparently having nothing he deemed appropriate to come back with. That just happened to be a mistake concerning Miles.
"Ohhh, I made the big bad 'con go silent." Miles teased, wearing a shit eating grin.
Epps snickered, "I think a cat has his tongue!"
"That was good, mah bruder!" Glen high-fived Epps, purposefully sounding stupid just to egg everyone on more.
"Well, I can't say I'm surprised." Ratchet commented, "I always thought Barricade had a bit of a troubled processor."
"I did figure he'd at least be as smart as a human's computer," Bumblebee said mock-thoughtfully. "Guess I was wrong."
"A computer?" Sam asked, snorting. "He's not even up to par with Mason, let alone a computer."
It was probably when Sam joined in on the mocking that Barricade had enough. They knew this by the way his holoform stood up, rounded the table to Miles, and then proceeded to just lift the teen from his seat as he gave a shocked squeak, hoisting the teen up so he was half over his shoulder and struggling.
"Nice manly squeak there, joven." Fig snickered, "Where you taking him, Barricade?"
Barricade growled, "To the Pit."
"What?! Put me down!" Miles whined. "Someone help me!"
Bob waved, "Goodbye son. It was nice raising you."
"Traitors, traitors all of you!" Miles cried as he squirmed and wiggled in the 'cons grasp. He couldn't even escape when Barricade was holding him in place with one hand, and found himself hating the holoform's strength at that moment.
Everyone watched as Barricade and Miles disappeared from view with varying degrees of amusement. The Autobots around the table knew the 'con had probably had an ulterior motive for wanting to be chased around by Mason, but only Bumblebee bothered to actually ask. The Scout reported to the others the short explanation of Barricade trying to win the parents over; there wasn't much they could do, after all, if Elizabeth and Bob thought removing the teen from the base and their lives altogether was the best thing after they learned about what had happened with Ravage, the add ons from Wheeljack, and the energon. Miles wasn't even eighteen yet, but either way it was obvious that he was devoted to his parents. The 'con mentioned the threat the teen had made about being nice to his parents in the first place, something that had amused Bumblebee to no end.
"I'm going to put this on my fanfiction account." Epps said, grinning.
Will looked at him like he had gone insane. "Why?"
"Do you know how many people here will have a field day over what Cadey does to Miles?" Epps asked, his grin turning into a smirk.
"You are a devious man, Epps." Ron chuckled, Bob nodding in agreement. They had both heard Miles and Sam complain about that part of the NEST website by then. "I wholly approve you being around my son."
"I bet someone will write that Barricade humped Miles in retaliation or asserted his dominance of Miles or some crap." Glen said, grinning. The look quickly disappeared when Bob sent him a look. "Sorry, Mr. Lancaster. It's just so weird having a parent here that I forgot."
Bob snorted, "Tell me about it. I'm drinking a beer, and while Sam and Ron being here, with my son and wife in the general vicinity, isn't that odd, there are two aliens sitting at the same table, looking like perfect humans, and three military men. And whatever you are."
"I think I'm still in shock, and I knew the entire official story about two weeks after Mission City." Ron commented, once more tapping his can against Bob's.
"Please, I knew about it a few days before Mission City, and I'm still in shock." Will replied, grinning.
"Then I think you have been bumped up to the ranks of us beer drinkers, young man." Bob grinned, handing Will a beer can.
"What about me?" Epps whined.
"You enjoy my son being in perversions. I should kick your ass." Bob replied.
They all laughed, Epps and Fig taking a beer while Glen decided not to. They talked in a companionable way, Ratchet talking to Ron, Bob, Fig, and Will while Bumblebee talked to Sam, Epps, and Glen. Eventually Jazz walked up to the edge of the picnic area, activated his holoform, and walked over to them. He pushed Glen out of the seat next to Epps.
"Your femmes are wicked scary," Jazz said as he sat down, ignoring Glen's indignant sputtering.
"Tried to wake either Optimus or Prowl, didn't you?" Ratchet couldn't help a small smirk, "What for?"
"Blaster got a couple a' signals comin' in." Jazz replied, using one arm to effortlessly keep Epps in his seat when the Sergeant tried to get up to help Glen.
"We brudahs gotta stay together, Jazzy baby." Epps grinned, he did enjoy saying 'brudahs'. "Good signals or bad?"
"Brudahs in arms and color before brudahs in color, Bobbie." Jazz teased, "And that depends. The two closest are a toss up."
"A toss up?" Sam asked. Next to him Bumblebee sat up a little straighter, and Ratchet looked at Jazz with disbelief.
"No." Was all the medic said.
"Yes." Was the simple reply.
"Frag." The Scout cursed.
The three then dissolved into Cybertronian. Epps and Sam frowned, looked at each other, and then nodded. They did rock, paper, scissors three times, Epps finally losing. He made angry gestures at Sam, who just smirked in reply. Finally the Sergeant started to count down on his fingers, waiting until he reached ten before reaching up and slapping Jazz over the head hard. Jazz immediately fell into a stunned silence, Ratchet and Bumblebee following his example as they looked at Epps in surprise.
"Hello, we stupid humans. We no speak advanced alien robotic shit. Translate." Epps glared.
Jazz rubbed the back of his head, looking at Epps with a betrayed expression. He was the head of Special Ops for a reason, and could usually melt anyone's spark, or heart, if he tried hard enough. Epps, however, wasn't having any of it. He continued to glare at all of them.
Jazz sighed, "The closest signals are the twins."
"¿Los gemelos?" Fig asked, confusion evident as Glen moved beside him. Glen hesitated a second when he spoke in Spanish, but as it was fairly evident as to what he said, he decided he was safe and sat next to the man after all.
"Yes. The second, younger, pair of twins." Bumblebee replied, "Skids and Mudflap are their designations."
Will raised an eyebrow, "Okay, so what's the big deal?"
"Yeah, do the twins major and twins minor not get along or something?" Sam asked, quickly shortening it and making it easier to define each set.
"Ya coul' say that, Sammy." Jazz replied, glancing at Ratchet and Bumblebee. "There ain't nothing' real wrong with Skids and Mud, they're just a bit intense. Ah'd strongly suggest not bein' under their peds, at all. They fight a lot—an' that's fightin' with each other—and they prank a lot and just generally make a mess outta their presences. Ah don't think ya actually need to 'ear about the twin wars that goes on between the two sets."
"I think we can handle them. They sound like overgrown sparklings." Will replied, rolling his eyes when Ratchet snorted in agreement. "You said they were the closest signal. What about the others?"
"Ah, righ'!" Jazz exclaimed, expression turning grim. "One of 'em is definitely 'con. The other Ah ain't so sure, Ah think it's Neutral, buh Ah'd need Prowler to 'ave a look at it. 'owever, he's recharging, and so is Prime."
As he talked his eyes turned elsewhere, and several turned to see Barricade was walking back. No Miles in sight.
"Decepticon?" Fig asked, but it was more of a oh God damnit question then an actual question, accompanied with a groan. "Those things have been laying low for awhile."
Barricade sat down, "Starscream ran off awhile ago. We knew Soundwave was here, though."
"Starscream's the new leader, ain't he? Wouldn't he have to be here to order Soundwave around?" Epps asked.
"No," Barricade replied simply. "Soundwave was loyal to Megatron, like I was. I believe Soundwave was working on his own regarding trying to get the Allspark fragment from us."
Bumblebee sighed, "Do you think he's trying to get new Decepticon recruits?"
"It's possible." Barricade took a moment to think, "There were very few of us around here, and I know there are several others who hate Seekers. No way will they listen to Starscream."
"Ya'r certainly bein' more helpful than Ah ever thought ya would be, Barricade." Jazz said softly, examining Barricade.
Barricade sneered, "I'm loyal to Megatron, or was, not that half wit Seeker."
"You're more of a Lancaster then a Decepticon, now." Bumblebee stated with a grin.
"I'd still kill you in a heartbeat, if that's what you mean, Insect." Barricade growled.
Bob snorted, "Lizzie will love that. The Lancaster faction, thing. Another son for her to fuss over. Speaking of sons, where's mine?"
"I gave him to the twins," Barricade smirked.
"Yeah, you took him to the pit alright." Ratchet grumbled. Everyone laughed.
"So why do we have to stay behind?" Sam asked, staring up at his guardian with a pout.
"Skids and Mudflap are a bit... out there." Bumblebee replied, preferring to use that instead of Ironhide's usage of 'slagging glitched mistakes'.
Miles snorted, "So much so that we can't come to their landing site, but we can go to the one where the 'con or 'cons will be?"
"Ironhide can shoot the 'con, but not the twins, isn't that right, Insect?" Barricade sneered.
Bumblebee nodded, grinning sheepishly. "That, and Ratchet plans to have some of you act as field medics. Your tiny hands can be useful. Like when Miles worked on Barricade."
"Wait, when did Miles work on Barricade?" Epps asked, thinking he missed some major aft kicking.
"Bee gave Barry quite the aft kicking, and he was left to lick his wounds alone." Miles grinned, then froze. "Uh, I mean… Well, frag, sorry Barry.
Everyone but Barricade snorted, the 'con doing his best to glare Miles in to an early death. He would be disappointed to find that it was still just as ineffective as before.
"Way to stick your pretty lil' foot in your mouth, Mimi." Epps smirked.
Miles glared at the older man. When Barricade had sacrificed him to the Prankster Gods, otherwise known as Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, they had decided to make him into a drag queen and deem him Mimi. The teen was still searching for Fig, sure that it was him that had taken the pictures and was gradually spreading them around base.
The Neutral, or Neutrals, and the Decepticon, or Decepticons, would be landing in a few days, managing to happen during the week leading up to Thanksgiving. The Cybertronians could guess at the size of the ships the 'con and neutral were traveling in, but how many Cybertronians were inside was something they could only guess at.
Prowl entered the room then, having just exited the Communications room where they had been keeping in touch with Skids and Mudflap to ensure they followed the directions they had been giving for their landing. He went over to Miles immediately, picking the teen up in his servo.
"We've been found out," Prowl told his Charge.
"Wait, what happened?" Miles asked, ignoring the odd looks most of the others in the room were giving them.
"The twins found out. Wheeljack had been working on a device that allows humans to detect basic Cybertronian energy given off by both holograms and holoforms," Prowl explained, "Sideswipe and Sunstreaker are intelligent enough to realize that it was a possibily that they were being messed with, so they took it out for a test run for him without Wheeljack's permission. I apparently need to give them more credit and more brig time."
Miles had known that the SIC was going to initiate another stage of their plan to mess with the twins, but he hadn't known it was going to be that day. Now it seemed that they'd have to stop entirely.
"So they know it was you?" Miles asked, wanting to make sure he wouldn't be targeted as well.
"They took it before Wheeljack managed to add the coding to recognize particular energies," Prowl replied dryly. "So, luckily, both of us are safe. But either way we still must abandon our plans."
Miles sighed, "At least we won't be targeted, though."
Prowl just nodded, neither of them bothering to explain what was going on to the others in the room. Miles suggest that maybe they could recruit Skids and Mudflap to help them and focus their pranking solely on the twins major. It was one of the few times any of them had seen Prowl grin quite like that.
Sam, Miles, and Mikaela were just now being allowed into the same room as Skids and Mudflap, the three staring up at the goofy Autobots as the two began to fight almost instantly. They were promptly abandoned by Bumblebee, who muttered something in disgust and walked off to talk with Optimus and Ironhide.
One of them began to reach for Sam, the teen taking a step back even as the mech's brother shoved at him.
"Ah ge' ta hol' one of 'em first!" Skids growled.
"Naw, ya too ugly!" Mudflap retorted, shoving back. "Ya face'd scare 'em!"
"We twins, doofus! You callin' me ugly mean you ugly too!"
And it quickly dissolved into a brawl, the two brothers attacking each other as the humans watched with mild amusement. From what they had been told, and from the way the three other mechs just seemed to ignore the sudden ruckus, they knew it happened a lot.
It wasn't until Mudflap got a little too close, Miles having to take a large leap back to avoid a ped, that they realized they should move back. But by then it was too late, the three suddenly in the middle of two fighting Autobots. Sam yelped, trying to run for the safety of the other Autobots, but Mikaela had to pull him back so he wouldn't be hit by a servo that was aimed a little too low. Sam's yelp seemed to have alerted the others to the fact that the twins were being too stupid, Skids suddenly being grabbed by a black servo and tossed into a wall as Bumblebee raced over and sent Mudflap flying after his twin with a well placed kick. Mudflap landed on top of his brother, the twins becoming nothing more than a groaning heap of tangled metal for a moment.
The three teenagers raced to the safety of the Prime's peds, expecting the leader to start yelling at the two mechs. But it was Bumblebee who was the most furious, going over to where the twins lay and ripping into them in Cybertronian. They couldn't tell what was being said, but Skids and Mudflap had started to cower while Optimus and Ironhide were smirking at their Scout.