Jon

The world around him had collapsed. Everything he had known was shattered into pieces and he was left in darkness.

The dread came first, the confusion. Who am I? he thought as he looked at his father. No, the man who called himself his father. He tried to deny it. His father was deceiving him, but why, what was forcing him to say this, to make him feel so confused. But his father wouldn't lie to him, he never did. Or had he been doing this his whole life?

When he told him the name, his true name felt the anger. The rage boiling within him was like a venom and his whole body shook as Lord Stark tried to soothe. Soothe him? There was no soothing him. How dare he? How dare call him son after what he did?

So he slapped the man away and turned his head in frustration. The rage he felt was like a fire, it needed to feed, he had to destroy something. So he began to kick the branches, the roars he let out were that of an animal. Stark was saying something but he didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear whatever he said, for he now knew that anything he said could be another lie. The surety and trust he had for Stark were shattered.

He fell over in his rage and he felt so pathetic, even more so when Stark reached down to help him. He shrugged the man off and he couldn't be in this place. The place where he had always felt safe, now it would forever remind him of this. And he no longer wanted to look at Stark, who was trying to get to him again.

He fled, he ran as far away as he could, from Stark, from what he had told him and two people he had never met but would now be in his thoughts for the rest of his life.

Stark chased after him but he was faster, he made it to Winterfell and saw Catelyn Stark coming towards him. She had the same expression of disdain as always but for the first time in his life he didn't care. He saw the look on her face as he stormed right past her as if she was nothing but he didn't care.

Winterfell seemed like a stranger's keep now. The hallways were full of memory yet now he knew they were nothing but a lie. A mummary.

He passed by the yard and saw the one thing he didn't want to see. Robb was sparring with a squire while Theon took on another one. Forcing the squire into yielding, Robb looked up and the smile that appeared on his face at the sight of him was a knife in the heart.

He couldn't breath, his eyes were becoming blurry. He had to leave. He ran, but he caught the look on Robb's face and it made it even worse.

He found his way into his room, locking the door behind him. This room felt strange. Like he was in someone else's place, someone else's life. He fell to his knees holding on to his bed for support.

"Who am I?" he said out loud. He had known who he was up to this point. Jon Snow was the only bastard of Lord Eddard Stark. He had three trueborn brothers and two trueborn sisters. He had meant to join the Night's Watch and to live a life of honor and service and greatness. But who was Maekar Targaryen? Who was he?

He jumped at the knock to the door.

"Jon?" Robb's voice was confused and concerned. It made him feel so much worse.

"Leave me" he said, more gruffly than he meant.

"Jon what's going on? Open the door. What's wrong?" Open up."

He needed it to stop. He couldn't bear to hear Robb. Never mind see him.

"Leave me!" he cried more firmly.

"Jon.."

"Go away. I want to be alone. Robb, please just leave me alone".

He could hear Robb breathing behind the door until he heard him finally give up and walk away.

He sat in darkness, his father's words going through his head again and again and he has never felt so lonely, he felt alone in the world. He jumped when the thud came. He expected it to be Robb again, but then he realised and opened the door. Ghost run in, staring up at him knowingly.

He knelt down to rubb his wolf's head as he had once rubbed Ghost's mother.

"What do I do, Ghost" he said to silence and then buried his face in the white fur.

Robb came back sometime later, but his attempts were futile like before. He couldn't bear to look at the boy he called his brother knowing he wasn't truly.

But it got even worse. Arya came next. The girl who had been his beloved little sister.

"Jon? Robb says you're upset. What is it?"

Her worried voice broke his heart, but he couldn't help the words that came out of his mouth.

"I need to be alone, Arya."

"Jon, stop being a baby. Let me in or I'll have Nymeria bring the door down. Now."

His fierce little sister. The thought of seeing her warmed him and he nearly made his way over to the door to let her in, but the fear of what he would feel when he looked into her grey eyes was too much.

"Leave me alone, Arya" he said firmly and immediately regretted it.

The sound she made made him run over to the door, wrench it open to make it right but somehow she had already gone and fled down the hall with Nymeria, so fast he wasn't even sure which way she'd gone. He nearly went to find her, but what good would that do? He didn't know if he would ever be able to look at her again without feeling the pain.

Bran came soon afterwards. He tried to be friendlier but knew Bran left feeling sad. Rickon wasn't much better. His mother had brought and stayed silent while Jon tried to reassure the confused boy. She lingered for a moment after he'd gone.

"I don't know what happened between you and my husband, but it has to stop."

She left after that, leaving him feeling guilty and rightfully so.

Even Sansa turned up to talk. It was an awkward approach and she didn't linger for long, but it still hurt.

Gods, it hurt so much to send them away. It left a black void of darkness that consumed him on and on. But he didn't know what he would say to them. All those years of being the Bastard of Winterfell, and yet he always had his brothers and sisters. But now, who were they to him? Cousins? Friends? Would they want anything to do with him if they knew?

King Aerys Targaryen killed their grandfather. HIS grandfather. But the Mad King was also his grandfather. He had heard tales of King Scab as they called him, and each was worse than the other. The thought that the man who murdered Rickard and Brandon Stark in cold blood was his blood. He felt sick with himself at the thought.

His siblings, his beloved siblings, he was losing them already and he didn't know how to stop it. He didn't sleep that night. He sat on his bed with Ghost next to him, thinking over and over.

"How can I go on after this?"

But he felt anger, but not just at Lord Stark. He felt angry at Rhaegar and Lyanna as well now. His... parents had plunged the country into a bitter war and got their families torn apart. For what, so they could die and leave their son to grow up living a lie?

A servant brought him food in the morning but he only put it on his desk and waited until she came back for the plate.

But instead of the maid's, a heavier knocking came.

"Open the door, lad, or I'll bring it down myself. We need to talk."

His uncle's voice brought him out of the daze he had sat in for hours. Slowly, he came over to open the door as bid.

Benjen Stark's eyes were heavy and he seemed rather pale, but a spark seemed to light up in him as he looked at Jon in a way in which Jon has never seen look at him.

"Can you get Ghost to guard the door?" he asked.

Jon hesitated, then knelt down next to Ghost.

"Watch the door, boy" he said and the wolf immediately sprinted behind Benjen to sit by the doorway, ready to bear fangs at anyone who dared too close.

He sat on his bed while his uncle sat by the desk.

"You know" Jon asked, looking down, his voice unsteady.

"Aye, lad, I do".

"You know and you didn't tell me" said Jon as his anger came back.

"Easy, lad" said his uncle firmly. "I didn't know until the day after the king arrived. I suspected that he wasn't your father, but I assumed you were Brandon's.

"You thought I was Uncle Brandon's son?"

"I never imagined you could be Lya's. I thought Ned would have told me if it was her."

"Guess he disappointed you" Jon said angrily. Ned Stark was once everything Jon wanted to be, a man of honor, and had been proud to be his son. Now everything he thought he knew about him was gone.

"I won't lie, I was angry too. You saw that mark on his face? My work".

"You struck him," said Jon in surprise.

"Aye, so you know I understand you, Jon. I know you are angry and you have the right to be."

"Am I still Jon?" he asked quietly, putting his head down.

"You are who you want to be. Who you were born does not have to be who you are."

"How could he? He talked so much about honor... I was proud to be his son... But I'm not."

"Yes you are lad" his uncle said firmly, putting his hand on his shoulder. "Ned loves you like he does Robb, Bran and Rickon. Did you ever doubt that before?"

"No" Jon admitted.

"Lad, Ned lied because he thought it would be the best way to protect you. He sullied his own honor to keep you safe. He gave you a family in place of the one that you lost before you even opened your eyes. Tell me, lad, what do you think would have happened if Ned hadn't taken you in..."

"I'd be dead," Jon said after a moment.

"He has been your father for all those years, the love you knew here from him, your brothers and sisters was real Jon. It was all real. Don't shut them out, Jon, or you will truly be alone.

Jon blinked back tears as he saw the truth of his uncle's words.

"Who am I though, Uncle? I still don't know."

"You are the same boy who jumped into a bag of flour to give his siblings a thrill. You are the boy who helped his sisters learn to walk, who helped teach his little brothers in the training yard, who refused to play without his brother when they were babes. You are the same boys who walked before a great Direwolf and to whom she granted her pup, and you are a son of Ned Stark. Who you were before he brought you here does not matter to Ned, to me, and I promise you it will not matter to your siblings. You will always be Ned's son, their brother, and my nephew."

Jon's eyes filled with tears.

"He gave me all that, he gave me a family."

"Aye lad, he did" Benjen said tearfully" I may not agree with keeping the truth of it from you or his wife, but I know all he wanted was for his sister's boy to be happy."

Jon nodded in tears and his uncle got up and embraced him. When he let go, he looked him in the eyes.

"May I ask you a favour?"

Jon stood silently as he and his uncle stood before the statue of Lyanna Stark. He had seen her before, but then she was his poor aunt taken from her family. Now she was the woman he had missed his whole life yet did not even know her name. His previous anger faded against the warmth that finally seeing her made him feel. He put his hand to her face.

"Mother," he said quietly.

Benjen left him to his thoughts by the statue, and he stood by it for hours, looking into his mother's eyes.

When he finally found the strength to leave, he returned to the castle and saw Joanna coming towards him.

"I couldn't get to you sooner, what's wrong?" she said, her eyes concerned. They said you had a fight with your father, and you're not talking to anyone. They're worried about you. Arya practically threw herself at Lord Stark to find out what happened."

"That sounds like her," Jon said with a small smile. "Me and Lord Stark need to talk now, Jo, but I promise you I'll explain it later."

She nodded reluctantly.

"Jon, you know I'll always be there for you, right?" she asked quietly.

"As I for you, Jo," he said as she hugged him.

"Now go talk to your father, he hasn't been taking it well."

He nodded and she walked away while he made his way to Lord Stark's solar. As he opened the door, Lord Stark's head shot up and he looked at him with relief beyond measure.

"May we speak?" Jon asked.

"Of course".

(Please leave your thoughts in the comments. I enjoy reading your reviews. Let me know if I make any mistakes or need to change something. Next up Jon and Ned have a proper discussion as he comes to terms with who is. These past two chapters have been getting short but i promise they will be back to normal soon. Thank for all your posts(: )