Dear Mal

I wish you were here. So much has happened in one single night and I'm starting to feel the pressure now. Even after being here for months, I still feel like this is my first day. I wish I had you here so I could forget about being the sun summoner and be just plain old Alina Starkov. Of course, everyone here is so nice but you and I have something they won't. I lost someone dear to me and I feel it's my even though I've been told it isn't. But I know if you were here, you'd made it ten times better. I hope this letter finds you and I still don't know why I haven't heard from you. If you're dead the person reading this knows you, please write back to me. I can't lose anyone else.

Alina x

A knock on the door turned Alina from her letter and she called for them to come in. Genya walked in, a soft smile adorning her lips as she reached Alina and leant on the vanity table where Alina was writing her letter.

"How are you feeling?" she asked Alina. They hadn't spoken since this morning.

"I'm okay now, I'm sorry about this morning, I didn't mean to rush off" Alina said but Genya shook her head.

"It's fine, everyone has been a little tense about the whole situation. The Oprichniki are scowering the palace constantly which is more frustrating than relieving" Genya huffed and Alina giggled softly. She needed this right now, Genya's humour and distain for the Oprichniki.

"Does everyone know then?" Alina asked and Genya nodded.

"I told Nadia and she was a wreck. Spent most of the day drying her tears for her. The general has been non-stop. He's organising a funeral for her and informing her parents". Alina felt a pang of guilt. She'd couldn't imagine what they'd be feeling.

"Has she been moved yet". Alina noticed the fitting room being guarded all day and didn't see anyone coming in or out.

"Not yet, we're waiting for the arrangements before we move her" Alina frowned.

"I just feel so guilty" she whispered.

"Alina this is not your fault, we knew it could be a possibility but we didn't think it would happen entirely" Genya said, placing a hand on her shoulder and giving her a squeeze.

"that's what the general said… I just wish I could have done something to save her" Alina said even though there was nothing she could possibly do that would have saved Marie.

"I know, me too, at the time I wish I were a healer and not who I am right now but she had one wish to die with her face on and not yours, only I could have given her that" Genya said sadly and looked down her at fingers.

"Anyway, enough talk of this otherwise I'll have to dry your tears, what did you do today" Genya asked and Alina couldn't help but smile to herself.

"Well… I went out to go to my lesson with Baghra but she's ill apparently, so the general was training me" she said and Genya looked with wide eyes and raised brows.

"Oh, and how did that go" Genya asked as she stood up from the vanity and stood behind Alina, taking a hair brush and starting to brush her hair.

"it was good, the two of them are completely different, she's so stern and he's calm and relaxed" Alina looked up and caught Genya's eyes in the mirror, a smug look on her face.

"sounds like you had a good day then" she said and Alina shrugged. she certainty did have a good day but she wasn't going to tell Genya anymore. She thought best to keep the other intimate details between her and Kirigan.

"Considering… I didn't know the Grisha could get sick you know, Kirigan doesn't want me to be near Baghra encase I catch what she has" Genya stiffened slightly as she brushed her hair. She hadn't been informed of her sickness until now.

"Well, you better do as he says" Genya said shrugging before putting the brush down.

"Oh here, before I forget, is there still no letters for me" Alina picks up the letter and hands it to Genya with a frown. Not one letter had come from Mal and Alina was beginning to think something might have happened to him

"I haven't seen any but like I said I'll be on the lookout" she said and tucked the letter in her white kefta.

"Anyway, I better go, the queen will be wanting her nightly facial" she rolled her eyes and Alina giggled.

"Good luck" she said and Genya strolled out the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

It was getting darker now and Alina was feeling tired after the effects of today. All the crying she had done had really taken all her energy out of her and her training with Kirigan only added to it. But there was one last thing she wanted to do before heading off to bed.

Alina opened the door to her bedroom but stopped suddenly when she met two young Oprichniki behind it.

"Oh" she said as she looked between the two. They were young and the uniforms drowned them slightly.

"Oh Miss Starkov, we didn't mean to startle you" one of them said and Alina furrowed her brows.

"Oh no, you didn't, I was just surprised is all" she said and the two guards sighed in relief.

"We've been assigned as your personal guards by the general, make sure nothing happens to you, is there something you want".

Oh, so now I have personal guards.

Alina wasn't surprised. With the attack on her life and Marie's death, Kirigan would surely make sure nothing like that would happen again. But the notion of having these two follow her around all day was a little unsettling.

"I was actually going to see the general" Alina said and stepped forward, looking cautiously at the guards, wondering if she was going to be stopped but when they didn't move, she relaxed and carried on out her bedroom. One of them followed behind her and she tried not to tense up.

Alina made her way to the general's war room, assuming he would be there and when she arrived, the door was open, a lone Oprichniki standing there. She glanced back at her own guard and wondered if he was going to come any further to which he did when she stepped in the war room. Kirigan was nowhere in sight so she assumed he was in his office.

She stood nervously at the door and lifted her hand to knock a twice, waiting for his command to enter.

"Come in" he said gruffly, probably not knowing it was her and Alina opened the door, her eyes falling on him. He was sat at his desk by the fire and candle light, looking through documents and a glass of Kvas next to him. He hadn't noticed it was Alina until she stepped further inside and he flicked his eyes up, lifting his head higher.

"Alina" he said softly and his eyes wondered behind her, staring at the young guard stood still.

"Leave us" he ordered and the young man nodded before reaching and shutting the doors to his office. It fell silent in the office except for the crackle of the fire and Alina's cheeks flushed from the heat.

"Is everything alright" Kirigan asked with concern, dropping the document on the desk.

"I um… I was wondering…" Alina trailed off nervously, her hands turning clammy and Kirigan furrowed his brows.

"I heard that Marie still hasn't been moved and I wanted to see her" she said and Kirigan blinked with surprise. He had spent all afternoon since he came back from training with Alina in his office making necessary arrangements for Marie.

Her body hadn't been moved yet and Kirigan wasn't sure he wanted Alina to see her in that state.

"Alina I'm not sure that's a good idea".

"I know you said it wasn't my fault but I can't stop thinking about it and I know it probably sounds silly but I was hoping to maybe say goodbye" she fumbled with her hands and heard him stand from his desk.

"It's not at all, I just don't want you to feel even more guilty by seeing her" he said as he stood in front of her, gazing down at her.

"I don't think I could ever stop feeling guilty' she murmured and looked up at him, holding back the tears yet again. Kirigan let out a deep breath, before nodding.

"Alright" he said and he took Alina's hand in his, pulling her out his office.

They reached the door of the fitting room, two guards standing there and they moved swiftly out the way for the general as he approached. He opened the door first and stepped out the way for Alina to walk in.

It was dark and cold in the fitting room, as if it had been deserted for years. Many items that had been their previously had been removed like chairs, the vanity, the rugs. Alina walked in and immediately shivered from the coldness. She wrapped her arms around her and if it weren't for her kefta, she'd be shaking.

Kirigan shut the door behind him, standing a few feet away from Alina as she slowly padded to the middle of the room. There was a table with what was Marie's body lying on top. A white sheet covered her body and Alina stood beside her, her eyes blinking back the tears. She wasn't sure if she had made a mistake by coming here but she had to face it at some point.

"I'm sorry Marie, I'm so sorry" she whispered and the tears started to fall. She felt her whole world crumbling inside and at that point there, she wished that if had been her who was attacked. But then Kirigan's words flooded her mind and without her, Ravka would never find peace. She died for Alina and Alina would forever be grateful.

Alina sniffled back the tears and turned back to walk away. She hoped now her death would not be on her conscience. Kirigan had stayed by the door and when Alina came to him, he rubbed her arms gently.

"Are you alright" he said and she nodded.

"Thank you I do feel better now" she said and Kirigan opened the door, leading Alina out. He escorted her to her bedroom and stood outside the door.

"Get some rest, we'll train again tomorrow" he said and Alina nodded. She be lying if she said she didn't feel a little giddy then when he mention she would be training again with him but she kept a straight face.

"Good night… Aleksander".

"Good night Alina".

Hey so I hope you like it, let me know in the reviews what you think