Alina woke the following morning, drenched in mud and dirt, her sleeve still soaked with the sticky blood from the cut on her arm. Pulling the sleeve down, she hissed as the fabric had become stuck to it and it started to rip the skin, blood now pouring from the wound and trickling down her fingers, coating them in red.
Alina turned onto her back, her head pounding from the heavy but uncomfortable sleep she had last night. The kefta had blown away from her legs and was lying beside her, also caked in mud but she didn't care. Her stomach growled and she clutched it, feeling a sickly hunger inside. There didn't look like there was much to eat around and she was too far from town, not to mention the risk she'd be taking walking into town with the potential of Kirigan's guards looking for her.
She hadn't thought about what her plans were. The rush and adrenaline of running got her here but now she was at a standstill. Kirigan was obviously looking for her, there was no doubt about that, and she was scared about what his reaction would be to her running off. Would he forgive her? Would she be tried for treason? Would she be arrested if his guards found her? the questions swirled in her mind and made her heart thump with anxiousness. Where would she go now? There was little place to hide, and she defiantly didn't want to spend her life surviving in the forest, sleeping under caves and drinking salty lake water.
Alina sighed, pushing herself from the hard ground and her back was in a tight cramp. She twisted and turned, hard cracks echoing in the small clearing, and it was almost satisfying as the pain subsided and she was able to move without looking like a robot.
Her next plan was to find something to eat to get rid of the sick feeling inside. Alina gathered her letter box and the kefta. it was still useful for the moment and until she could find some proper supplies, she would be carrying it with her, but she was certain she was not going to wear it.
Through the forest, Alina picked at the trees and bushes, managing to find an assortment of berries. Some looked poisonous but she took the risk anyway. One little berry wouldn't kill her and as she ate them, her nose curled upwards from the sourness, but it was better than nothing. She found a small puddle of water which by far looked the cleanest and she dripped her hands in, cupping the cold liquid and slurped it up, the salty taste running down her throat and hitting her stomach. She used the remaining water to splash over the cut on her arm, blood now tainting the water as it dripped and turned it a murky pink.
As night fell, Alina made camp once again by a large log hidden by some trees from another small clearing. Her body shivered from the cold, and she pulled her knees closer to bring the warmth inside. Her mind was everywhere, and she couldn't think straight so she decided to reread the letters to distract herself. Clutching them in her frozen hands, she reread the words as if she hadn't read them before and this time no tears came but an ache in her chest did.
Oh, what she would give for Mal to walk around the corner of one of these trees, run up to her, hug her, tell her everything was going to be okay. But the chances of that were unlikely. The forest fell quiet, the soft rustle of leaves in the wind which creeped Alina out, but she kept on telling herself it was just the wind. Or so she thought.
"Alina".
A loud crunch behind her and the familiar voice she knew made her jump and she turned to look over her shoulder, eyes wide. Another crunch and another followed and the collection of crunches on the snowy floor gave away the distinct sound of footsteps. Alina gulped, quickly putting her letter away and locking it safely as she waited for however or whatever to emerge.
A large figure clad in a long black cloak came out into the clearing, the small light bouncing off thick leather boots. Several people followed behind, dressed in red and blue and black. Kirigan stood in the middle of the clearing, peering around the trees to catch a glimpse of Alina by the log. Alina stood, poking her head out and they caught each other, locking eyes and they both froze. Kirigan looked with shock, his mouth dropping open slightly, his hands poking out to brush his cloak slightly out the way.
Alina reciprocated, her eyes also wide with shock and her hands trembling by her sides. He had found her. it had only been two nights away and he had already caught up with her.
Of course, he had though, he probably came here on horse, you stupid girl
It was naïve of Alina to think he wouldn't catch up with her or find her quickly. He most likely had the whole second army and Oprichniki looking for her. She was the freaking sun summoner, not some peasant girl anymore. For some reason, the voice in her head almost sounded like Baghra and Alina wanted to laugh at herself, but she kept it down, keeping the tense moment between the two of them.
Kirigan let out a breath of relief, marching forward.
"Alina I was so worried- ". He said softly but stopped abruptly when Alina skittered back, holding her finger up to stop him.
"No! don't come near me" she ordered, her expression turning from shock to anger and Kirigan furrowed his brows in confusion. The awkward silence came back again, and the footsteps of the entourage also stopped, shocked faces meeting each other. Alina breathed heavily, her chest puffing in and out and she dropped her hand, glaring at Kirigan.
"Alina, what's wrong?" he said innocently, as if he had no idea. Alina realised he obviously knew about her taking the letters. It would be a strange coincidence if she and the letters both when missing on the same day.
"Don't, don't act like you don't know" she seethed through gritted teeth and Kirigan tilted his head to the side.
"I don't know what you're talking about" he said, his tone now serious and hard, his general's voice, not the sweet soft one he used with Alina.
"This" Alina yanked the metal box and held it up. Kirigan's eyes flickered to it, and he let out a breath through his nose, but his stance didn't change. He stood tall and proud; his head raised up. Anyone else would have been intimidated and would have sunk to their knees but Alina stayed where she was, fighting off that stare that was both dominant and sexy.
"How could you, why would you do that to me?" Alina felt the tears brewing behind her eyes and she tried to stay in control, but her voice had a clear shake to it. Kirigan gave a sigh, shaking his head softly.
"Alina, I did that for you. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think it was the right thing to do" he said, and Alina narrowed her eyes.
The right thing for me, had he gone insane
Kirigan took one step forward slowly, not to startle Alina and get closer without her stepping back. When she stayed put, relief washed over him.
"He was holding you back, all these years you spent hiding your power for him, making yourself sick for him and he couldn't give you the appreciation you needed" Kirigan said, and Alina shook her head, denying it all.
"No, that's not true".
"He will never understand you; he will never understand what you can do. He'll fear you; he'll turn on you like everyone else turns on Grisha. All these years he's been in control of you and now you have your own life, he will hate that. If I let you read those letters, you never would have been able to let go and finally accept who you really are, you never would have reached the potential you have if you had stayed on waiting for him" Kirigan had taken a few steps closer, and Alina realised he was now just a few feet away. She inched backwards, the snow crunching underneath her, and she felt sick inside again.
"He's the only person I ever had growing up, he would never be scared of me, abandon me" she spat and Kirigan sighed.
"You said it yourself, you thought he hated you because you are Grisha, because you now finally belong somewhere where he doesn't".
"Because you kept the letters, I thought he didn't want to speak to me or that he was ignoring me but if I knew he had written I never would have thought that" Alina said angrily.
"You don't understand. Do you think you and him could just run off together and start a life of your own? You are Grisha and he is Otkazat'sya, you will live on for centuries while he grows old and dies" Kirigan's words stung hard. Alina felt the ache in her chest again and she took a shaky breath, thoughts swirling her mind.
Was everything he was saying true or was he just manipulating her again. Most of Alina believed he was lying to her again but there was a small part that was siding with Kirigan. If Mal had wanted to see Alina, would he not have come sooner to the little palace to see her. If he had sent his letters and wasn't getting a response back, surely, he would have sought out to finding what had happened to her. it's what Alina would have done if it were the other way around.
Alina felt guilty for believing he had truly wanted nothing to do with her and wished she hadn't said a word of it. But the evidence in the letters suggested otherwise and she knew deep down Mal was out there somewhere.
"Mal came to the little palace didn't he" she asked.
"Yes".
"Did he ask about me then?" she said and Kirigan took another deep breath.
"Yes" he said, and Alina let out a little cry. Her one chance to see him had been taken away just like that and it made her angrier.
"Why didn't you let me see him?" she demanded.
"Because I didn't want you to go back to that old life you had. Everything I have done has been for you Alina and I am not going to let some tracker dictate how that should be for you" anger was boiling inside Kirigan as he spoke, and Alina rolled her eyes.
"And what about Baghra, what did you do with her" she spat and Kirigan narrowed his eyes at her.
"I know she's not in her hut, I went there the other day, and she wasn't there. Did you lie about her being sick as well" Alina said?
"I had to send Baghra away, she was too sick to be on the palace grounds and I couldn't risk her infecting the others" he said seriously.
"Why didn't you tell me then, I asked you about her and you lied to me".
"Because I didn't want you to think you wouldn't be able learn your power if she wasn't there. I didn't want you to worry and think you'd be a failure" Alina brought her hands up and rubbed her face, trying to make send of all this. Kirigan caught sight of her bloodied arm, concern written on his face.
"What happened to your arm?" he said with worry and Alina pulled it back, clutching it.
"I- I tripped" she squeaked. It was then he noticed her kefta was missing and she was shivering from the snow falling on her shoulders. Kirigan sighed, holding out his hand for Alina.
"Come on, it's cold and your hurt, let's go back to the little palace" he said softly, and Alina stared at his outreached hand. The little palace. The warm, dry and cosy little palace which held her enormous bed and her silk robe. That held the delicious food and smooth fresh water and bitter kvas. She wanted all of it, but she was weary of going. After everything Kirigan had done, could she trust him again. There was no point in trying to run. He would find her again and even if she demanded she wasn't going back, he would bring her back by force.
"I want my letters sent to Mal" she demanded, and she saw the hint of fury in Kirigan's eyes, but it went away quickly with a blink, and he nodded.
"Alright" that was another thing she remembered. He invaded her privacy and read her letters to Mal but there was no point in bringing it up as it would be the same conversation. Her conflicting thoughts clouded her mind. As much as it was totally wrong of Kirigan to stop her letters and her communication with the only friend she had back a few months, he was looking out for her. He could have easily not cared about Alina and if they had continued writing to each other, would Alina have wanted to run off and leave her true destiny behind. But he did care. He had waited so long for her, and he wasn't going to let her go that easily.
All the training he helped her with, protecting her against crazy obsessed peasant man, defending her against Zoya and her disrespectful remarks. He did it all for her.
Alina swallowed, grabbing her letters and stepped forward to Kirigan. She disregarded the kefta, leaving it lying in the snow which had nearly been covered now. Kirigan reached around and unbuckled his cloak, flinging it off and when Alina stood in front, he pulled it around her, his warmth heating her up and the musky smell intoxicating her.
"Get my healer" he ordered over his shoulder and stared down at Alina. Before she could act, Kirigan pulled her close to his chest, her head resting on her chest and his arms wrapping around, holding her tightly, a shaky breath escaping him.
"I was so worried about you" he whispered, and Alina stared to the side, watching the little snowflakes settling gracefully and after a moment, Alina dropped her eyes shut and fell in his embrace. She didn't want to, and she did want to at the same time. She was angry and she was relived. She was hurt and she was safe. Kirigan rested his chin on the top of her head, and they stood like that for what felt like hours
Hey so I hope you like it, please leave a review and let me know what you think