L.A 2020 – GUEST HOUSE
It's surreal. I still can't believe I'm back in L.A, and especially standing here in front of Bo after so many years. He's so different and yet still exactly the same. My words "I miss you too," still hang in the air and I can't figure out what the energy is between us, but it's growing thicker and thicker by the second. I feel like I'm going to drown.
"So, does your boyfriend know you're here?" He asks after a few moments. His expression changes to pure, uncut arrogance. I know that expression on Bo's face far too well and I HATE IT. All the gentle little feelings I have running through me just turned to parasites.
I remain cool. "Yes, he knows. He's working from home back in New York."
He nods vigorously, brows pulling together in mock interest. "Wonderful. Tell me, how does a janitor work from home?"
I hate myself for laughing. "Actually, he's a software developer."
"Gross." He makes his way to the keyboard sitting front and center and starts pecking on keys to find the sound he's looking for.
"So, where's Elle these days?" I ask loudly over the keys.
He doesn't bother looking up, "Since I'm busy, she's quarantining with her sister in Maine."
He finally finds the key he's been searching out and he sings:
She's an award winning Author
Shacking up with a handsome young janitor
"Software Developer!" I correct through a fit of laughter.
Oh, yeah – A software developer
But can he create an i-phone app
That will make his dick
just a little bit bigger.
He wraps it up, striking two final chords and I shake my head, trying to control my laughter as I walk up to him. He rakes his hair back, turning on the stool to face me.
"You're such a bully."
"You like it," he grins.
"I love it."
I say it before thinking. We break eye contact, looking off in random directions. I need to go home. What in the actual fuck am I doing here right now?
"Well…It sounds like the rain has died down, I should probably get going while it's a little more clear," I say, fumbling the keys in my pocket. He nods his head without a word and stands up, following me to the door. I turn to him with my hand on the doorknob. "I'm glad you're okay, Bo. I'm sorry I fell for Pattie's hysteria, but hopefully you can get in some uninterrupted work now."
Bo is staring somewhat off into space as I speak and I wonder if he's even listening.
"Okay, well. It was good to see you," I say turning to leave.
"Why don't you stay for a while?" He says. I turn back around to meet his gaze. "I mean, surely you didn't just fly across the country during a pandemic to stay for fifteen minutes."
I sigh. "Bo, I have to get back home. I have a deadline for my editor –"
"Bullshit, I know the airline regulations right now. Quarantine for two weeks and test before each flight. I know you're not leaving L.A."
"I thought you were in this alone," I say, presenting the entire lot of production equipment.
He turns and looks out into the room. I can tell he's trying to remind himself of his purpose while I'm trying to remind myself that Bo and I, in the same room are both a matter of perfect symmetry and a disaster on par with the sun exploding.
He turns back to me and crosses his arms. "It's two weeks. Honestly, I could use the help. Do you know how hard it is to block shots while being in them? Plus, you're the most brilliant writer I know. I trust your opinion. You don't sugar coat it. In fact, you're kind of a bitch about it," he grins.
I laugh, shaking my head. "Jesus Christ, Bo."
"Hey, look at me," he says, suddenly serious. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I don't want you to feel pressured. But if you stay, you have to get down in the trenches with me. No leaving, we order doorstep drop offs."
"I feel like I'm joining a fight club," I say. Bo genuinely laughs, sweeping his hair back.
"All I'm saying is, let's have an existential crisis, drink too much and make some fucking art. For old times' sake. I mean, when would ever get the opportunity to do this again?"
I really wasn't considering staying until he just said those words. When would we ever get the opportunity to do this again? He's right and that part hurts. I've got my life in New York with Chris. He has his life here in L.A with Elle, and from what I've heard, Elle HATES me. There's a very real chance other than the occasional run ins when we go home to Danvers for the holidays, that this will be the last time we ever hang out, just the two of us. Two, emotionally unstable, dark humored, clinically depressed, peas in a pod.
"You know what? Fine." I say tossing my rental keys on the amp next to the door.
"Good," he says simply.
"There is one condition," I say, walking past Bo and back to the kitchen. "I'm gonna to need to start the 'drinking too much' right away."
FRESHMAN YEAR – 2004
We were a few months into our Freshman year of High School. Pumpkins, bales of hay and a colorful array of turning leaves, sprinkled the lawns and town sidewalks as Fall made its way into Danvers. It was hard to believe it had already been a year since my family and I made the move from Oregon. Bo and I were still glued to each other and our families had grown immune to not seeing one of us without the other. Our parents also formed a pretty tight bond and we frequently had the Burnham's over for dinner, or vice versa. Our dads went fishing together a lot and our mothers constantly enabled each other's shopping addiction.
So, it was no surprise when our parents decided to go on a wine tasting tour, a couple of hours north one weekend. They packed their luggage and headed out on a chilly Friday afternoon, giddy with excitement and the promise that they would return by Sunday evening.
I waved as they pulled out of the driveway and down the street, leaving a flurry of leaves in their wake. I had no idea at that moment, just how much would change before they returned.
"Okay, listen up, Wonder Twins," Pete said. He stood next my brother, Aaron, in front of Bo and I, where we were sitting at the kitchen Island the next day. Aaron crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at us, as we sat there, our spoons of ice cream suspended halfway to our mouths. Pete placed his hands on the counter in dramatic silence as he seemed to size us up.
"What the fuck is happening right now?" Bo finally said.
And then we marveled at the show that unfolded in front of us, as each of our big brothers began an obvious, rehearsed speech, designed to threaten us.
"Alright," Pete started. Aaron cracked his knuckles. "We're having a party tonight."
"A huge party." Aaron echoed.
"Pretty much all the seniors."
"And most of the juniors," Aaron said as he held up two twenty dollar bills, presentation style.
Pete pointed to the dangling twenties, "We will be giving you each, twenty dollars. This will ensure that you WILL keep your mouth shut, Bo."
"You too, Sidney," Aaron warned.
Pete lowered his voice "And I swear, Bo, if you tell mom and dad, you'll pay. I'll already be in trouble so who cares at that point. It'll be open season."
Bo and I sat in stunned silence for a few moments. Not because we were intimidated but because it was quite possibly the most hilariously stupid thing we had ever witnessed.
"Wow, Pete. You are CHANNELING Buzz from Home Alone right now," Bo mused. He looked over at me. "Isn't he?"
"He IS channeling Buzz," I agreed.
Bo huffed out a laugh. "Listen, Buzz – and -." He glanced over at Aaron. "Your weird – henchman. Nobody gives a shit about your lame ass party. So, have your Freak Fest. Sidney and I will be in the pool house anyway."
Aaron chuckled, "You guys having a Pokémon tournament?"
Bo stared Aaron down for a moments. "What the fuck is that?"
Out of rebuttals, the guys started to wander out of the kitchen.
"Hey! Hold up," Bo called after them. He stood up, striding over to Aaron and Pete. I realized, suddenly that Bo had grown another few inches and was standing taller than both of our big brothers. "Pay up," Bo demanded, pulling the twenties out of Aarons hand. He pocketed the money and gave them a smirk and a nod. "Cool, you can go now."
I pressed my hand over my mouth trying to stifle my tear jerking laughter. One thing I've learned about Bo—he does NOT tolerate anyone trying to threaten, humiliate or establish any ounce of authority over him. Bo has an ability to take on any of those things and return it right back to the person but ten times worse, by dismantling their dignity.
FREAK FEST BEGINS
As expected around eight o' clock, waves of high schoolers began to filter into the Burnham residence. Pete tagged a 'carpool and drop off only' policy to the party announcement to keep the cars parking at the house to a minimum. It worked pretty well, but both their driveway and the driveway at my house was packed.
My sister, Morgan and Bo's sister, Samm came home from college for the party so they could catch up with some friends from a grade below that were now seniors.
I wasn't aware of that fact until Samm and Morgan came busting into my room while I was putting on some makeup, since Bo and I decided we'd check out the party for a few minutes before heading out to the pool house.
"Sister!," Morgan squealed as she approached me with her arms out for a hug.
I was so happy to see her I nearly cried. I squeezed her tight and smelled her dark, lilac scented hair.
"Omigod, Sidney!" Samm gawked at me over Morgan's shoulder. "You have grown up so much! You're freaking gorgeous!"
"Right?!" Morgan said as she shook her head, stepping back to get a better look at me. I could feel my face burning.
"Oh, Morgan...give Sidney the thing you got her," Samm said.
"Oh right! It's back in the car, I'll go get it," Morgan said. Samm filed out behind her as she left.
Once they left I turned and looked in the full length mirror trying to find the dazzling features they were going on about. I ran my fingers through my long, loosely curled, auburn hair and thought back to last summer when I felt like I would look like a kid forever. I wasn't some mesmerizing goddess but I had grown. My face was thinner, more mature. I was lucky to get my moms small "button" nose, green eyes and her delicate frame. But these features also worked against me in terms of looking more grown up.
Morgan eventually returned about the time I finished my makeup and presented a super cute black dress with tiny floral print. It had long sheer sleeves but the dress was a bit short, stopping around my mid thigh.
"Wear it tonight!" Morgan demanded.
"I'm not really going to the party. Just hanging out for a few," I explained.
She pouted. "Why? What do you have planned?"
"Bo and I are watching Romeo + Juliet in the pool house tonight."
She grinned "Ohhhh, nice," she said suggestively.
"What's nice?" Samm asked, returning to the room.
"My baby sister and your baby brother are watching Romeo and Juliet tonight in their little bungalow in the backyard."
Samm giggled, "You guys are adorable."
I was almost speechless. "No...no no no it's not like that. We are not "adorable" and we are actually watching the movie," I snapped.
"Oh yeah? Why are you blushing then," Morgan laughed.
I did notice that my cheeks were on fire. "I don't know but seriously. It's not like that AT ALL. We're doing Romeo + Juliet in our school theater and we decided to watch it. That's all."
I could tell Samm took pity on me. "Okay okay, we get it. You're just friends. The real question is, are you watching the old R&J or the one with Leonardo DiCaprio?"
"Leo...obviously," I replied, still feeling unnerved.
"Well, even if you're going to the party for like three seconds, just wear the dress," Morgan pleaded, with a pout.
I headed over to the party with Morgan and Samm a while later. Of course I wore the dress so Morgan wouldn't pitch a fit. Plus, I actually liked it, besides it being kind of short. It wasn't frilly or overly dressy. Just kind of a chill, bohemian vibe. I decided to wear black ankle boots with it, since it was October.
Once we got in the house the sheer volume was intimidating. I felt like our entire high school was in there, screaming over the booming music.
Bo stood leaning on the counter in the kitchen talking to two girls and a guy I didn't recognize. He glanced over at me and back to the conversation. Then he looked back up suddenly. He left the three behind, walking my way.
"Bo!" Samm came running out of nowhere and hugged him. "How is it possible that you're this tall?" She looked genuinely shocked.
"Holy shit," Morgan mumbled stepping up to hug him. Eventually her and Samm fluttered out into the abyss of the party. Bo and I hung around for a little while but it wasn't long before we lost interest. We didn't know that many of the upper classman anyway.
"I hate everything about this," Bo said, watching everyone scream and holler, trying all at once to be the center of attention. I nodded, totally agreeing. "You ready to get out of here?" Bo asked.
"Definitely, but I want to go say bye to Morgan." We headed through the maze of the offensively loud, already decently intoxicated crowd. I finally found Morgan sitting with a group in the back of the living room.
"We're leaving!" I practically yelled over the music. She smiled and stood up, giving me a tight hug.
"See you in the morning."
I turned around expecting to see Bo but instead I found a guy who looked like he was probably a senior, maybe a junior, but doubtful. He grinned, looking me up and down in a way that made me stir uncomfortably.
"Hey there, girlie," he said, not even trying to move an inch out of my way.
"Uh, hi," I said awkwardly.
"What are you up to tonight?"
"Leaving," I answered shortly. I managed to squeeze past him and spotted Bo a few feet back, trying to see where I was. I caught up to him and we headed back through the crowd, ready to get out of there. I soon realized the guy followed me. Once we got to the kitchen, he started in on me again.
"Don't leave, gorgeous, the party just got started," he said, hovering right up against me. Bo took notice of him and casually placed me ahead of him to wall off the party pest. But this guy was on a mission. "Hey dude, move, I'm talking to her," he hollered at Bo. We were mere inches from the door and seconds from escaping. But Bo stopped in his tracks and turned to face him.
"Get fucking lost, dude," Bo warned.
"Um, what? Are you talking FOR her?" The guy leaned around Bo. "Hey baby, why don't you come with me. I'll make sure you have a good, long night."
Bo reached out and snatched the guy towards him by his shirt.
"Bo!" I grabbed his shoulder. "Just let it go. Let's get out of here," I said, calmly. Bo let the guy squirm another second or so and then shoved him back. He then turned, grabbing two un opened bottles of liquor off the counter and we were out of the house, crossing the lawn to the pool house in a matter of moments.
As we crossed the yard in the pink and purple hue of twilight, I began to laugh so hard I couldn't catch my breath. Bo, who was still quietly seething, shot me a confused look.
"What could possibly be funny?" He said, fully agitated.
"That guys face—" I tried to answer. "His eyes were all bugged out of his head—" I held my stomach, trying to stop laughing. Bo shook his head, cracking a smile.
We made it the pool house and I was finally getting ahold of myself. I was disappointed to see that Scott had covered the pool for the cold months. I had no interest in swimming but I loved the way the pool lights lit up the walls inside the house in an aquatic light show.
Bo planted the bottles of liquor on the small counter next to the microwave and grabbed a two liter out of the mini fridge while I unrolled the four sleeping bags we had stashed aside for movie watching, making the usual pallet in front of the couch.
"Rum or Whiskey?" Bo asked, setting two glasses out.
"I'm not sure, my drinking history consists of getting drunk with my sister on champagne a couple of years ago," I laughed.
He grinned and cracked open one of the bottles. "Sailor Jerry's then. It's spiced rum. I think you'll like it."
"Well you seem to know your way around liquor."
He shrugged, "My brother and I raided my dad's liquor cabinet a few times. He hardly ever drinks so it took a while before we got caught."
"How'd you get caught?"
Bo cracked the whiskey bottle open and poured his drink. "Well, every time we took some, we would add water to it so you couldn't tell any was missing."
"So, he found out when he tasted it?"
"Nope," he shook his head and began to laugh, placing his hand over his eyes and then pressing the bridge of his nose like he did anytime he got embarrassed or flustered. "Turns out, you can't fool a man into believing his bourbon turned clear." We both laughed, hysterically.
We got settled in front of the tv, spread out on the sleeping bags with our backs against the couch and started Romeo + Juliet. Then, we proceeded to watch NONE of it.
I looked over at Bo, only a few minutes after the movie started, "I know Pete was being kind of a jerk but it was nice of you to let him do his thing."
"No," he shook his head. "Do NOT be impressed by that. I didn't do it out of some brotherly love kind of thing, if that's what you're thinking."
"Then why?" I asked, feeling the warmth begin from the drink I just finished.
Bo sighed, lowering his gaze to the floor, his blond hair spilling over his eyes. "Honestly, it's because no matter how completely uninvolved I am in whatever Pete does, my dad always accuses me of being a part of it. Even the times Pete swore to him I wasn't."
"That's crazy. Why do you think that is?"
Bo grabbed my glass and his and headed to the counter to make new ones. "I wish I could say I knew. I know he loves me, but I'm not entirely certain he likes me." He returned to his spot by the couch handing me a drink.
"That can't be true, Bo," I said, feeling a sense of sadness for him.
"Samm and Pete are just good ole fashioned, all American kids. Samm, the cheerleader and the sorority girl. Pete loves fishing with dad and worships football. I play music and write horribly offensive shit while trying to avoid people."
I watched him fidget with the bottom of his white T-shirt, displaying a watercolor guitar. "Fuck him, then." I said.
He huffed a small laugh, "Yeah, fuck him."
I don't remember how much time passed before we abandoned the concept of glasses and started taking generous swigs straight from the bottle, but I do know, that somewhere along the way, the idea of sitting on the roof seemed like a genius plan. So there we sat, in the crisp October air under the stars, after climbing the access ladder on the side of the house. I was feeling every drop of intoxication but in the best way. I wasn't cold, I wasn't tired. I was in a good place. We watched the party at the house from a distance, the back deck full of rowdy teens having the time of their lives. The music was still at full volume, the notes and the bass floating across the yard to meet us. I couldn't believe police hadn't shown up to shut it down.
"You can't possibly tell me you don't think she's hot!" I laughed. Bo and I had been discussing the students in our theater group at school. Somehow we got on the subject of Amy Bradbury, the blonde bombshell that brought all boys to their knees.
Bo shook with laughter, shaking his head vigorously. "I don't! I am so bored by her."
I took another long draw of rum, tears brimming in my eyes as it burned through me. "Yeah—you're full of shit," I giggled.
"She is a carbon copy of every other girl like her. That bitch literally came off of an assembly line. NOT. INTERESTED," He insisted, taking another drink of his own.
I shook my head, "I can't even imagine what kind of girl would interest you, Bo."
"Real—Like- just genuinely real. She knows what she's about and isn't afraid to be about it. And—un obtainabley gorgeous. Obviously," he grinned.
"Well, good luck with that, dude," I mused.
We sat for a while, watching a commotion between a few partiers take place on the back deck but it died out before it got interesting.
Bo slightly bobbed his head to the faint music in the distance. "You know when you're listening to a song, and something about the lyrics or the fall of the key just hits the right way- and it's like this beautiful and painful thing all at once, and it kind of takes your breath away?" He asked.
I nodded, "Absolutely, chills all over, I love it."
Bo brushed his hair from his eyes and takes a drink, wincing a little at the burn. "The official word to describe that is, Frisson. It's French. I looked it up once because I realized it's one of the few things I've felt that I didn't know the word for."
"It doesn't really match for the feeling," I replied.
"Exactly," he agreed. "I was pretty disappointed because I expected the word to somehow be as amazing as the feeling. So, I thought about it for a while, and I decided if I couldn't have a satisfying word to describe it, then I would think of something that could."
I looked at him, intrigued. "Well, did you think of it?"
"No, not until this one night, I had a dream that I was flying," He said, slowly weaving his hand through the air out in front of him. I wasn't a bird and I wasn't flapping my arms or anything. I was just me, flying through the sky, dipping and diving over rooftops and trees. It's the best dream I've ever had. I felt this deep, overwhelming happiness. And there it was, beautiful and painful all in one. So, that's what I decided to call it— the feeling from music. I call it, Flying."
"That's perfect," was all I could say. I didn't understand why, but I felt like I could cry.
"Where do you see yourself in five years, Sid?" Bo asked after a while.
"Wow, I wasn't prepared for an interview," I laughed trying to swallow the lump in my throat.
He laughed, "Seriously though, It's been on my mind lately. Like, what do I want my life to be, you know?"
"I want to be a writer," I said. He looked at me with sincere interest, pulling his knees towards his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs.
"What do you want to do with that?"
"I think I want to write for movies or television but I would love to write novels or something as well. But, I know it's farfetched so I need to figure out a real career I could have."
"No, fuck that," He shook his head. "I'm serious, that's not a thing, Sidney. It's not an option. You're an amazing writer, so be a writer." His eyes swept over mine with an intensity that caught my attention.
"Okay, well—it's your turn," I said. "You've been thinking about it; What do you want to do?"
"Comedy—" he looked out into the yard but I could tell his mind was busy. "Comedy and music, somehow. I have to figure it out, but all I know is, I don't want to fade into life, Sidney. I can't stand the idea of graduating and going to college so I can rot away in a boneyard of mediocracy. I want to shake some shit up, make people wake up from their sleepy lives and feel something."
He turned and looked at me. His blue eyes heavy with thought.
"Bo, I mean this. If anyone on this earth can make the world take a second look, it's you."
He looked at me, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "We're not gonna fade away, Sid; neither one of us."
"Never," I agreed.
The rest of the night was a bit of a blur. We eventually climbed back down off of roof, almost falling several times and laughing so hard we couldn't breathe. We got back inside and took our intoxication to the next level. Bo put on some music and we drank, danced and screamed all of the lyrics.
It was hitting pre-dawn hours and a faint purple light began to filter into the windows of the pool house. Bo, shut off the music and stumbled his way over to the sleeping bags on the floor where I stood trying to operate the tv remote with one eye closed and swaying on my feet. I got Romeo and Juliet playing again but this time, to sleep to. Just about the time I tossed the remote to the floor, Bo lost his footing and stumbled forward. He grabbed my arm and we both landed in the soft plume of sleeping bags.
I fell on my back, laughing up to ceiling, hearing the muffled laughs of Bo right next to me, face down on the sleeping bag. I tilted my head to the side "Are you still alive?"
He propped up slowly on his elbow, a small smile and hazy eyes. "Yeah, I'm still here."
I smiled up at him, "good."
His sleepy eyes swept over mine, as if he was in deep thought.
"What is it?" I nearly whispered.
He gazed at me for another moment and then before I knew what was happening, he leaned down, pressing his lips to mine with the softest kiss I could ever imagine. My heart felt like it was going to burst into a million pieces, butterflies, unleashed. He paused for a moment to look at me, his blue eyes full of thoughts I couldn't read. Then he leaned down again and kissed me far deeper than before. I reached up, brushing my fingers through his hair. He moved his body, hovering further over me, kissing me deeper, quicker and with purpose. I felt his hand rest on my cheek, his thumb moving in little sweeps, back and forth.
All capabilities of thought left me, my hands were trembling. I ran my fingers from his hair, down his neck and traced little patterns on his shoulder. He pulled his lips away for moments at a time, just to send them crashing in again. His hand left my cheek and I felt it return again as he ran his hand, slowly up my thigh, under my dress and to my hip. It felt like electricity sweeping over every inch of my skin.
Then he pulled back and looked at me again, his eyes were heavy but it was different than the sleepiness in them before.
"There it is," he spoke breathlessly, his voice shaking.
"What's that?" I asked, weakly.
He touched his forehead to mine and whispered, "I'm flying."