Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Always makes my day better. I'm in the heart of studying for final exams and events leading up to my sister's wedding so I'm a little stressed but I have many chapters written up I just have to edit before I subject the world to them. I hope this isn't too much of a cliffhanger!
Chapter 5. Occluding
Severus banished the girl to her seat, so he could commence bottling the brew. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, it was more a matter of his own perfectionism. The professor acknowledged that his tendencies might have been getting in the way of her growth, but he also knew that he did not feel the need to address it in that very lesson. Expecting her to leave, he began pouring the perfectly made solution into the standard container for Madam Pomfrey, however, the young witch stayed perched on her seat across from him. Glancing up from his task to meet her stare, he muttered: "you can go now, Miss Granger." When she didn't respond, he felt the compelling urge to fill the silence. Her presence was already unnerving as he attempted to keep his mood as far from pleasant as he possibly could. The worse he treated her, the more he could convince himself that she would come to detest his company. "There's nothing more to do, you brewed it perfectly." Cursing himself for feeding her insatiable ego, he looked back down at his task, hoping her head wouldn't grow too much with the compliment.
Another bout of silence filled the gap between them and made him lose himself in thought as he attempted to figure out what on earth was keeping her fixed in place. She didn't seem to be fidgeting this time, from what he could make out from his periphery while still ensuring he avoided making a mess of the antidote. The distinct pop of a house elf entering his lab cut through the quiet veil.
Snape didn't move to look up as he heard Dobby muttering an apology for the intrusion and mentioning the presence of the student. Severus groaned, suddenly craving a cup of Earl Grey. The elf let the tray clutter to the floor and a second and third pop made the professor look up for a moment to notice the small creature had returned with another teacup to place on the tray. "For Hermione Granger, sir, she will have tea too, sir." Dobby insisted, before he removed himself once more.
Severus was about to settle back into dividing the antidote when the witch spoke up, "I can leave, professor, if you want to have tea alone?" The suggestion sent a wave of dread over his body. I don't want her to leave, Severus determined the source of his anxiety. Distracted by his conclusion, he stared at her, barely managing to mask expression of conflict written in his features. The sound of liquid hitting his desk drew his attention back to his task to notice he had well overfilled one of the vials which caused him to curse loudly. He took out his wand and cast scourgify, sighing at the embarrassment causing his gut to twist.
"Granger-" He started before she could reach the door and before he could convince himself he was perfectly capable of having tea on his own. He almost laughed at the situation he had gotten himself into. Requesting the company of the young witch to brew a potion I know we are both perfectly capable of completing, making a fool of myself in front of her, and then desperately trying to keep her around… I'm losing my mind over this girl, he determined. Attempting to keep his emotions hidden behind his mask, he slammed down his mental shields. "You are welcome to say for tea." He paused long enough to discard the newly empty cauldron to his left.
Severus noticed a glint in her eyes as she turned to face him, and he sighed in defeat, motioning for her to follow him out of the lab. He moved past the girl, levitating the tray over to them, all the while berating himself. This is going to get you in trouble, Severus, you greasy git. His mental spiral was interrupted by the sound of the metal landing on his desk.
He began making up his tea to his liking, astutely avoiding the gaze of the witch who was also helping herself to her own sugar and milk. The professor noted her slightly trembling hand as she gripped the porcelain between her delicate fingers, sipping at the warm liquid. Though he found it hard to admit, the company and the tea was filling a hole in his heart he didn't even know had developed. The silence that drifted over them was comfortable. Severus relishing in the opportunity to assess the young witch and lose himself in his mind.
"So, Professor," Hermione was the first to break the silence this time, bringing Severus quickly back to the present. "Do you have any book recommendations?" The wizard considered her question for a moment, wondering if there was anything in particular he thought would benefit her, but his mind couldn't move past the novel he had taken up reading to help curb his insomnia. Holding back his answer, he watched as she began rubbing her teacup anxiously.
"There is a novel I've been rereading recently, actually," he started, noticing her eyes nearly popping out from her skull when he broke the tension. "I found it when I was in London a couple weeks back searching for supplies. It's a muggle book, though, I'm not sure that's exactly what you were asking about." He realised that she may have been looking for something surrounding the subject of potions, but at that moment he couldn't think of a single one that he could offer up. Certainly, he would come up with a list when his mind had more room to focus on the query.
"Any book is of interest to me sir, even muggle books." Of course they would, he noted. She was a bookworm after all and likely not just filling her time with the large magical texts she casually referred to as light reading. The image of her buried in a pile of books played behind his eyes as he tried not to smile. Part of him was eager to find out her judgement on the novel he had read over at least three times since he purchased it last week. His thoughts wandered to sitting with her over tea again, discussing her thoughts on the book and how she liked the ending. The ending had bothered him, naturally, endings tended to bother the wizard in any capacity, ever since the finality of his friendship with Lily. "Tell me more about it, please." Her insistence centred his train of thoughts once again at the student before him.
"Well, Miss Granger, it's a mystery novel, following a young couple who stay in a hotel where there have been a series of murders. It's told from the perspective of an insufferable-know-it-all as she attempts to figure out who the murderer is before she too falls victim." The amber eyes of the muggle-born glittered up at him as he continued to describe the novel. Instinctively, he held up his hand to pause the conversation, once again striding over to his chambers to grab the book from his bedside table.
Handing it to her, she took it gingerly, flipping open the cover to read the preface. Snape noted the similarity of the action to what he did with every new book he got his hands on, which unknowingly led to smile creeping across his lips. The strange pull of his lips caught him off guard and he quickly hardened his expression. "Now Granger, you must take great care not to read this one to death, understood?" Before she could reply, he held back a wince when his forearm burned. Fuck. "Close the door when you leave, Granger." He nearly spat, standing, and discarding his teacup, returning to his chambers, and slamming the door behind him. Summoning his robes, he stepped into the floo and vanished in the green flames.
Severus stepped onto the hardwood floor of the Malfoy mansion and immediately felt his mind being assaulted by the Legilimens. Slamming down his shields, Severus protected the images of his tea with Granger and their tutoring sessions. He hadn't prepared a legitimate alternative to feed the Dark Lord and he mentally kicked himself for leaving his mind so unprepared for the inevitable. Remembering that Voldemort was likely looking for new of Draco's progress, he pushed forward the memories of the Weasley boy's accidental poisoning and subsequent hospitalisation.
"Severus," Voldemort hissed as he pulled back from the potion master's mind. "I am disappointed you didn't come to me with this information sooner. Draco's continued failure will simply not do, you understand, my spy?" The anger was raising in the normally smooth-toned dark wizard as he grew impatient. Severus kneeled before him and bowed his head, praying he would not be punished. Hiding the wounds was hard enough on weekends, but he would be teaching the next day.
"Of course, my sincerest apologies, my Lord." Severus grovelled, biting his lip in anticipation of unimaginable pain. Voldemort cast crucio and every muscle in the spy's body tensed with agony as the curse tore through him. His teeth were clenched to the point where he thought they may break under the pressure as every nerve in his corpse screamed as though he was being burned alive right there on the floor of his honorary family's estate. In an instant, the pain ceased and he was left to collapse on the hardwood beneath him. The wizard released a breath that was holding a pressure on his lungs and glanced up to see that Voldemort had disappeared. Standing, his legs burning as the curse continued to wreak its havoc, he attempted to compose himself. Thankfully it had been a short time, which meant he could likely heal himself in the comfort of his chambers without the help of Madame Pomfrey. The professor spun around and noticed Narcissa and Lucius standing by the fireplace. "Where did our Lord vanish to?" He asked, a groan escaping his shields as he stepped towards his family.
"Likely to scheme with Bella," Narcissa offered, stepping forward, placing a hand above his clenched fists. Tenderly, she held his head as he struggled to remain upright. "He has been disappearing a lot lately when his temper flares. We're worried about him." Severus noted the emphasis on her last word was a notion towards her son, not the controlling dark wizard occupying their home. He watched the witch's eyes as she stared at him in silence. Understanding her request, he mustered the strength and wordlessly cast Legilimens, entering the woman's mind.
Flashes of her son collapsing in front her crying and the pang of guilt as she wrapped her arms around the blubbering boy appeared in front Severus's eyes. Draco had been subjected to the cruciatus curse in one of the Dark Lords more violent outbursts after he'd dug through the young wizard's mind.
Narcissa pushed forward the confession that preceded the torture. "A mudblood? A filthy mudblood? How could possibly develop feelings for such a vile creature? The dirty blood has tainted you already. You are not worthy of bearing the mark, boy." Voldemort cursed as he paced in front of the young wizard, kneeling, and crying pathetically. The unforgivable fell from the Dark Lord's lips and he laughed as the boy writhed in pain. "Maybe this will make you see the error of your ways boy. Disgusting." The pale wizard spat, his expression switching between delight as he watched the pain he inflicted and agony from the betrayal.
The memory ended, and Severus was led back to the scene where Narcissa clung to her son. "Who is it, Draco? You can tell me. I will always love you, my boy, always." She attempted to sooth the nearly hysteric wizard in her embrace. "Granger." He coughed out. "No one was supposed to know, it is so stupid. I wanted to crush the mud-the girl at everything she did, but the competition became admiration. I don't know when it happened, but I developed a fondness for her." He gasped, filling his lungs with another bout of oxygen to fuel his sobs.
Severus returned to the present, having seen enough to comprehend what she was asking of him. He nodded and passed the couple, stepping into the fire to return to his chambers. Severus was going to have to teach the Malfoy heir to occlude, and quickly, or else it could be the death of the boy. Her son meant everything to Narcissa and the family she had so kindly offered to the professor meant everything to him. He was not about to let his godson die from the same affliction Snape was also currently suffering.
Stepping forward, he immediately crossed the floor to fall back onto his bed. He reached into his bedside table and pulled out a pain potion and another concoction of his own making to help relieve the spasms that accompany the curse. The wizard removed his robes, stripping down to his pants and pulling on some sleeping robes in case McGonagall decided to pay him another visit the following morning.
The pain in his chest had doubled since this meeting, and not from the curse he had endured. Not only was he longing for a witch he should not be, but he was jealous that another Slytherin had a far better chance of capturing her heart than he did. A sudden wave of insecurity washed over him as he shuddered under his covers. Thoughts of how he had stormed out of tea with the girl flickered behind his lids. I'll have to make it up to her. She had brought out a soft side in him he thought had died long ago and he was beginning to love it just as much as he hated it. "Hermione." He whispered as he closed his eyes, his heart pounding in his chest.
-x-
Without his book to help him drift into unconsciousness, Severus had an extraordinarily tough time falling asleep. Exhaustion was a powerful sleep-aid, but anxiousness was an equally powerful stimulant. The pain potion and spasm-reducer had done little to help this, and he was no longer in possession of his novel, so, sitting at the head table as he ate breakfast, Severus knew his eyes were sunk back with insomnia and his forehead had formed a new stress line. As students filed into the hall for their breakfast, he kept his focus narrowed on finding the Malfoy heir, so he could interject before the beginning of class. As the breakfast hour lingered on, the professor grew more impatient as the boy had yet to show his face in the area.
The other teachers were happily chattering away about lessons for the day and how their weekends had gone. Thankfully they did little to attempt to engage the brooding wizard in mindless conversation, so Severus could focus his attention on how bloody long it was taking for his godson to rise from his House and come down for breakfast.
Finally, the blond strode through the doors and took his seat on the Slytherin bench, without so much as flicking his eyes at the Gryffindor girl who was surrounded by her friends. Snape's focus trailed over to the muggle-born for a moment, watching her take a bite of her toast then smile at a joke the Weasley daughter cracked. The brunette's eyes were transfixed on her female friend as she was obviously avoiding glancing across the table at Miss Brown and Mister Weasley's very public displays of affection. Jealousy crept at his mind as he wondered if Granger was avoiding the scene due to her feelings towards the boy or out of disgust for the inappropriate behaviour. Embarrassingly, Severus inwardly wished it was the latter.
Shaking himself from the trance, he shifted his gaze back to the Slytherin table where Draco, once again, sat alone, barely touching his meal. Severus stood, rushing down to the boy's location, and placing a hand gingerly on his back. Draco jumped at the touch but relaxed at the sight of his father's good friend. "Come with me, Draco." Severus hissed, walking out of the hall, the young wizard trailing behind him.
Once they were sufficiently secluded, the older wizard cast muffliato and squared his jaw. "Miss Granger, Draco? Really? Are you hoping to end up dead?" Snape projected, suppressing the urge to further scrutinize the boy's choices. Before Draco could respond, Severus stopped him. "No matter, we cannot dwell on the past. I will be teaching you to occlude, starting this evening. You must learn to control your emotions and clear your mind, so practice that during the day so you are more prepared for our lesson tonight. You must be able to show the Dark Lord you have seen the error of your ways." Severus felt himself beginning to chastise the boy once more and stopped himself.
"Professor, I don't know what's wrong with me. She's a filthy little mudblood, she's always been." Draco spoke with disgust, making the older wizard wince at his use of the slur. Gritting his teeth, he allowed his glare to burrow into the young Malfoy.
"Tonight. My office, immediately after dinner. Do you understand?" With a curt nod from both parties, the two departed and Severus started on the way to his classroom to begin lessons for the day. He would be early, but then he would have time to prepare his lesson more thoroughly as he had been busy recently. As he passed by the looming portraits, he couldn't help but let his thoughts linger to the Gryffindor girl. If Draco doesn't get his emotions in check, she would be in danger, Severus winced at the image of her being tortured. He always knew she might be a target, given her proximity to boy-wonder and her blood status, but now she would most certainly be prey if either his or the Malfoy heir's feelings became known to the wrong people.
-x-
It had been two hours since Draco arrived in the doorway of Snape's office, and he had made considerable progress, well beyond what Potter had been capable of. His lifetime of shutting himself off likely benefitted him in the practice. Snape's gentle approach to teaching this student may have also contributed to allowing Draco the chance to learn better. Severus admitted to himself that he had gone far too hard on the miniature James Potter for their first occlumency lessons, but refused to let up on the spitting image of the boy who tortured him through his schooling. He was compelled to avoid looking into Potter's eyes as he was immediately reminded of Lily and likely would have let his guard fall even further. Potter could have been privy to far too much if I had let that happen, Severus mused as he took a moment to let his current pupil recover from his last attempt.
"Your progress is impressive Draco, but you will need to work on knowing exactly what you feel for Miss Granger in order to hide that specific emotion. Figure that out by tomorrow, we will recommence them. Continue to practice clearing your mind and isolating emotions." Severus advised, motioning for Draco to stand. The boy said little as he left the office, leaving the professor alone in the dimly lit room. A sigh escaped his lips as he tried to practice his own advice.
Thoughts of Hermione's eyes, glimmering as she fixated on stirring the potion perfectly, played like a film behind his eyelids. He attempted to isolate the emotion he attached with that particular memory, but it was difficult to pinpoint just one. Admiration? Pride? Attraction? The task seemed impossible as more images of the girl surfaced with each emotion he outlined. A walk, he determined, that will help me clear this mess of a brain. Lurching out of his desk chair, he stepped out into the dark hallway and let his eyes adjust to the minimal light coming from the low-lit torches. A chill of calm ran over his skin as he looked down the empty corridor, which was comforting against his recently assaulted nerves.
Wandering aimlessly, Severus found himself strolling along the hall in front of his old classroom in the dungeons as he made his way towards the stairs leading back up to his chambers. A soft patter filled the deafening silence and made him glance down at a furry blur running towards him. He glanced up from the cat that had taken to rubbing itself along his trousers when he heard a hushed curse and quiet whispers. He took a step forward, hoping to catch a glimpse of the person out at this hour of the night, only to be run into at full speed. The wind was knocked out of him, but he held firm and looked down at the cause of the commotion.
"Good evening, Miss Granger." He seethed.