I thought I ought to give you guys a break from my disclaimers in that last chapter, but I'm back at it again. Thank you all for following, favouriting, reading, and reviewing! I find myself checking my email more than I did when I was a student under my Severus Snape equivalent!
Chapter 9. Disoriented
His rounds were particularly boring that night, not a single student was sneaking around, and he was rather grateful for the peace. Severus' mind was swirling with the images of his charge breaking down in tears and the guilt that was beginning to develop by his heart. Had he actually needed to lecture a student, he wasn't sure he would have been able to muster the disdain to ruin their night. His focus was rather engrossed in the idea that his godson's romantic intentions towards Miss Granger could very well result in her demise. While Severus was confident in his ability to keep his emotions under wraps, until that time it would be safe to let them free, he was worried for Draco's inability to keep his own feelings in check. What if Hermione loves him back, then what? How will people not find out about it? The female of the golden trio falling in love with a Death Eater, that would certainly be the talk of the school. He questioned what he could do if such an outcome were to come to be. What if we used it to our advantage? Perhaps then the Dark Lord would spare her. Severus pondered the hypothesis and determined that it was far too risky for the girl. If she died, I would lose the only other girl I've ever loved, his heart stopped at the thought and he shook himself out of it.
The professor rounded the corner before the steps up to the astronomy tower. What he thought was a faint voice floated through the air around him, and he set his face in determination. I'll have to muster the derision anyway, he groaned internally. With a deep inhale, he started up the stairs, careful to make little noise as to gain the element of surprise over the delinquent. The platform came into his view as he crept up the towards the sound, and he briefly canvassed the area. A low moan drew his attention to the right of the telescope and a small figure laying on the ground close to the edge of the platform came into view. He finished the stairs and stood at full height, looking down at Hermione's body.
Snape's heart fell like cement in his chest as he knelt down beside her, pushing her hair from her face before capturing her in his arms. She didn't wake, her eyes shut as he held her nearly motionless form in his grasp. He watched for any movement in her form, praying that she had not been exposed to the wintry weather too long. He felt for her pulse and noticed its astonishingly slow pace which set a panic deep in his stomach. She's alive, he determined though he was beginning to worry she had little time left. Gingerly, he wrapped his cloak around her and carried her down to the Gryffindor tower. When he reached his destination, he mentally kicked himself for not bringing her straight to the infirmary, but he was determined to save her the dramatics of waking up under the care of Madam Pomfrey. He knocked on the heavy wooden door as he adjusted to hold the student's weight more evenly.
"Severus? What are- Miss Granger! is she-?" Minerva stammered through her sentence as she digested the scene before her. She was dressed in an emerald green robe, with her hair pulled under a cap, as she had obviously been roused from her beauty sleep. She looked at him in confusion and he opted not to speak in the hopes that Hermione might sleep through the experience. He shot the older witch pleading eyes and she nodded, ushering him in and motioning for him to let the girl down on her couch. Severus carefully released the girl from his grasp and stepped back. McGonagall cast a quick diagnostic spell, determining that she was in perfectly fine health aside from below-normal temperature. Severus helped her administer wordless warming charms and watched the girl relax into the cushions. "I canna believe she's managed to sleep through this all, she is quite the deep sleeper this one," McGonagall commented when the two stepped out of earshot from the student's sleeping form.
"She might prefer sleeping in her own bed, don't you agree, Minerva?" The witch nodded at Snape's comment and levitated the girl from her couch. He watched as the Gryffindor's left the room and soon collapsed on the couch. The frigid winter weather had given him a chill that had yet to dissipate and he couldn't imagine what Hermione was thinking sitting outside in such an impossibly cold temperature. She was barely covered at all, and she fell asleep? Severus wondered what could have possibly implored the girl to make such a foolish decision, but before he could consider it further, Minerva appeared through the floo.
"Now tell me, Severus, how did you come to be in possession of an extremely cold, unconscious Hermione Granger?" She demanded, forcing Severus to release his previously clenched jaw in shock. He considered his response for a moment, and the thoughts of his feelings for her were the only to come to his mind. The cold had now reached his core and stirred his emotions.
"I- I found her on the astronomy tower, she was asleep. I didn't know what to do. She wasn't moving, she was just laying on the platform. Minerva, I- I thought she might have been dead." Severus stuttered through the sentence, the gravity of the situation finally hitting him as his vision blurred. He wasn't sure there were tears in his eyes or if it was simply the inability to focus on any one thing in front of him, but he decided to close his eyes and let out a shaky breath. There was something about his childhood professor that dropped his shields faster than the Gryffindor hourglass during Quidditch season. She came to sit beside him and rested her hands on his shoulders.
"Severus, why did you not bring her to the infirmary? What has you so distraught? We know she's perfectly alright." Minerva coaxed, sending a wave of relief over him. The wizard nearly heaved as he gasped for another breath, crumbling beneath the comforting fingers of the older witch. There was silence as he attempted to compose himself, sitting up straighter and wiping the tears from his cheeks that he didn't know had formed.
"I think I am in love with a student, Minerva. What is wrong with me?" He asked softly. It seemed to take her a moment to register what exactly it was he had said, which he noted was fair given that he whispered his confession. Opening his mouth to fill the silence, nothing but a strangled whimper left his lips.
"Miss Granger, I take it?" She finally asked. He nodded, rubbing his face with his palms and intaking a deep gulp of air. "I should have guessed. Had you been in school with her, I know you two would have been friends. I see a lot of you in her when I teach, her consistent need to please and her thirst for knowledge." A smile betrayed him as the memories of Hermione in his defence class, slowly becoming more adept before his eyes. She is incredibly brilliant and he would be a fool not to notice. But she is your student, and that is all that matters. "I guess I should have seen it coming when I heard you were tutoring her. Love is not something that can be controlled, and I'm glad you have the opportunity to experience it in your lifetime, but you understand that you canna do anything about it, right, Severus?"
"Of course, I just- when I saw her there, so still, I couldn't help but think-" back to Lily, he continued mentally. He was not about to allow more tears to flow from his eyes that night and he knew that a trip down memory lane was a sure-fire way to deconstruct all of his barriers. He took a deep inhale and steadied himself. "I will never do anything with Hermione, so long as she is my student, I will treat her as such." He sighed, making the promise more to himself than to Minerva. "She must not know it was I who found her and brought her to you, Minerva. She can know everything else, but she must not know it was me, understood?" She nodded. "Anyway, Draco has his sights set on the girl and that takes enough of my headspace to handle. I have to teach the boy to employ Occlumency shields before his next encounter with the Dark Lord, whenever that might be." He began muttering, almost to himself as Minerva stood.
"I will order us some tea, this is definitely something I need to hear more about." She ambled over to the floo and called down to the kitchens for an order. A house elf appeared shortly after with a snap and rested a tray down on the coffee table ahead of them. Severus helped himself to a cup and adding his desired milk and sugar as Minerva did the same, sitting across from him in a rocker. "So, what is all this about Draco and Hermione?" The witch asked, looking at him over her tea as if she weren't desperate for a bit of gossip. The poorly hidden motive nearly made him laugh, which was something Severus was thankful for, but he quickly hardened at the memory of what the gossip meant to his godson and family.
"It's not a light matter," Severus started. "You see, the Dark Lord found out by digging through the poor boy's memories and stumbled upon one that displayed Draco's love for the girl. His mother came to me and showed me what her son had gone through, asking me to teach the boy Occlumency. I agreed, of course," he continued, eyeing Minerva who was enraptured. "I've been instructing him in the art since, and he's made considerable progress, however, he had not been able to shake the feelings he's developed for Miss Granger."
"Which you can empathise with," Minerva interrupted, catching herself and sitting back in her tea, filling her mouth with her hot beverage.
"Yes, indeed, but I am much more equipped to handle it. Or so I thought." Severus sighed as he remembered the feeling of dread and despair upon seeing Hermione's body and his subsequent undoing. He shook himself and looked back at Minerva. "I'm having tea with her tomorrow night, to discuss a novel I leant her. I have been dying to know her opinion on the ending, and I think that is what has had me slightly... disconnected from everything. She has me quite... disoriented."
-x-
After having tea with Minerva, Severus had calmed down enough to finish his rounds and return to his chambers. Upon turning the corner, he noticed the blonde boy sitting outside his office door. "Draco?" His address made the younger wizard look up, and subsequently stumble to stand from his position. "What are you doing out of bed at this hour, boy?" Snape questioned, more annoyed than anything. He was rather looking forward to getting some sleep so he was in a bit better of a mood the next morning for classes.
"I want another lesson. I've been practising, I think- I think I've got it this time, I want to try." The boy insisted, to which Severus raised a brow. Wordlessly, he opened his office door and motioned for the boy to go in. He nodded, spinning on his heel and entering the office. Severus followed after the boy, and immediately cast Legillimens upon seeing his godson move to sit down. He began searching around the boy's head and was quickly presented with a glowing red emotion. He tugged at the film, as he had in their previous sessions, and landed into the boy's memory.
"You've been sitting beside me an awful lot, haven't you Granger?" The boy teased. He was looking down at the girl, smirking at her obvious annoyance. He turned to talk to Pansy who was attempting to ignore him. "What does this mudblood think she's doing, sitting next to me?" He asked, but Pansy just shook her head and looked away. "Oi!" He attempted, but the witch just sighed and glared at him.
"What?" She asked through gritted teeth.
Draco smiled. "How would you like to go to the Three Broomsticks with me on the next Hogsmeade visit?" The girl's face lit up at the suggestion and she nodded vigorously. She then glared at Hermione who was seated in the place where Pansy obviously wanted to be. When she looked back at her newly acquired date, Draco sent her a wink before turning back and facing the front.
Severus pulled himself from the memory. "Good plan, start dating another Slytherin, that might help a bit. Although, you might think about projecting any memories you have of you berating yourself over your crush before that. It might be more believable. I daresay your ability to bring forth memories at will is quite impressive, you've been doing well with your practice." The professor praised, walking towards his bookshelf and occupying his eyes for the time being.
"That didn't actually happen, you know, with Parkinson." Draco offered quietly, making Severus spin to look at the boy with wide eyes. "Well it did, but not in that class. I supposed that making up a memory would do me well, but then I figured I ought to have some backup, in case He decided to question Pansy himself." Draco sighed, examining his feet closely. "But I think my shields are good, I was able to fight against you without pushing you from my mind, that's good, right?" He asked, his insecurity showing through.
"Draco, coming up with a fake memory is not only difficult but making it believable is nearly impossible. I am very proud of you, although I would recommend using your genuine memory of asking to court Miss Parkinson." Severus looked over the boy who was beginning to show anger towards himself. "You did well, but the more you can stick to the truth the better. Keep projecting memories, but I'm going to dig past them this time." Severus warned before casting the spell once more. The abyss of the boy's mind was quite extensive, and the pushed past the feed of memories sitting in front of him. While Voldemort was known for picking the first memory he finds, it didn't hurt to examine deeper, just in case. He once again searched for any emotion that could possibly be tied to the girl and stumbled upon admiration again. This time, when he pressed into the memory, he was dropped into his own Defence lecture.
Draco was sitting with Pansy in silence, as he gazed off into the distance at Hermione who was sitting with Harry and Ron. The expression on the blonde's face appeared to twist with anger before he calmed himself and turned to his bench mate. "Watch this," Pansy said, casting a quick spell towards Hermione. Pansy giggled as they watched the girl's hair crackle with electricity, but Draco remained silent. "What? It's funny, she's just a mudblood, who cares." Draco glanced back at Pansy and grinned.
"That was impressive, Parkinson, truly, I don't think I've ever seen anyone manage magic from this far without getting caught." He winked at the girl and she immediately melted into a blush. Draco slipped his hand on her knee and she placed her hands over his.
A black fog drifted over the classroom scene and Severus stepped back from the memory. Admiration for Pansy? He questioned, removing himself from the boy's memory. "You're replacing the object of your affection with Miss Parkinson, aren't you?" His student nodded.
"Is that bad?" Draco asked worriedly.
"No, Draco, it's brilliant."
-x-
Sitting at the head table, Severus watched the doors for any sign of his charge or Hermione. He was hopeful that she hadn't fallen ill in her sleep, even though he knew she had resumed her normal temperature when McGonagall took her back to her tower. Still, he was focused on the main entrance, willing the girl to appear in the threshold with her friends as she had every morning before.
After his meeting with Draco, he was beginning to believe the boy might genuinely be able to pass off his feelings into the Slytherin girl and Severus would no longer have to mentally compete for Hermione's affection. Naturally, it was her choice, and in all likelihood, it wouldn't be either of them, but Severus felt that dreaming was his only sense of solace in the looming dark. And I am the one who is lucky enough to occasionally gets to occupy her evenings, he was feeling himself get cocky and realigned himself, taking a bite of his bacon.
He had spent the rest of the night, before sleep overcame him, attempting to come up with a list of potions texts to offer the girl over their next meeting, but had come up with only a handful. Instead, he managed to narrow down a couple of novels he thought she ought to read from his own collection but was having difficulty selecting which one to offer up first.
Just as he was beginning to lose himself in the thought of his selections, Hermione stepped into the Great Hall. He was enraptured by her for a moment. She looked perplexed but her hair was flatter than normal and she appeared well put together. Given he was comparing her form to what he had witnessed the previous night, but he was genuinely shocked to see her so fine. Silently, he thanked his colleague for helping him with the task of returning her to her dormitories. Severus noticed he was staring at the girl when her brown eyes met his. His heart stopped for a moment, inspecting her features from afar and taking in the intimacy of the exchange. What felt like an eternity passed before he noticed her lips part, breaking the connection to glance at the movement. Out of his trance, he forced himself to look away, in case anyone had seen his trance. Clearing his throat, he resumed his breakfast before trudging off to start instructing classes for the day.
-x-
His classes passed in a blur the rest of the day and before he had time to think, he was sitting in his desk grading second-year papers on the difference between Trolls and Hags. The sun was setting, as proved by the growing difficulty with which he was having to read the scribbled words. With a sigh, he abandoned the task and stood, strolling over to his bookshelf and pulling out the novel he was planning on suggesting to Hermione after this sitting. Given, he had been thinking about the meeting all day, he was more determined than ever to keep his affections tucked deep within him. Thankfully, he had managed to go the rest of the day without seeing her, having opted to take his lunch in his chambers instead of the great hall. While it was beneficial to his concentration for the rest of his classes, it pained him to go without seeing her.
He paused for a moment when he realized he had absolutely nothing planned for their actual tutoring session. Why hadn't I thought of this sooner? Madam Pomfrey is completely stocked up and Hermione was particularly unimpressed with the previous lesson that held no practical use. Severus sighed, wiping his face with his hands and propping himself on his desk. Perhaps I could ask her what she wants to learn? I've been planning everything so far, maybe I've missed something, he determined, staring blankly off into the distance. I certainly don't have the time to plan something before she arrives, the thought fluttered through his mind as a knock on the door roused him from his reflection. "Come in." He ordered, pushing himself upright.
"Good evening, Professor," Hermione announced as she entered the room. She donned a pink cardigan and a simple pair of denim; her hair was braided back and she held a book in her grasp. "I was hoping I might request something we learn today. Unless you already have something planned, that is." She inquired as she found a seat opposite his desk. He smiled inwardly, somehow, we've naturally come to the same conclusion, what a favourable happenstance.
"Of course, Miss Granger, these are, after all, solely for your benefit." Severus droned, attempting to catch a glance at the book she held under her palm. Her small fingers were conveniently placed over the lettering, rendering it impossible for him to make out the title. He reached behind himself, taking the small piece of parchment with the scribbled-out names of the potions texts he had managed to compile, and handed it to her. With her free hand, she took the list and inspected it slowly. "A list of texts for homework, should you find it beneficial. They are all available in the library, I'm certain you've read one or two, but I thought I'd offer them up," Severus explained before returning to his place at the desk. "What is it you would like to learn this evening, Miss Granger?" The inquiry sat in the air for a few moments as she returned to the present.
"Non-verbal magic, Sir. We're learning it in all our classes, and I am finding it impossibly difficult." She confessed, avoiding his gaze as she toyed with the hardcover of the novel in her grasp. He noted that it was likely challenging for her to admit her weak points magically, as she was revered to be the brightest witch of her age. It was likely that her competitive spirit was getting in the way of her being able to produce non-verbal magic. It was an extremely fickle art and it required the proper mindset to master.
He nodded in understanding, motioning for her to stand. "What context would you like to learn first? Defence? Potions? Transfigurations? Charms, perhaps?" Severus noticed her hesitate for a moment as she considered his inquest. Her brows furrowed and she appeared to be muttering the options subtly. The young witch's quirks were beginning to grow on the professor, but he quickly righted himself before he fell too far into her mannerisms.
"Defence." Hermione finally declared. At that moment, he wished he hadn't offered that particular option as he decided where it would be best for the two to practice that art. It was now his turn to avoid her eyes, as he arrived at the conclusion he was afraid to admit. It has to be there, nowhere else could accommodate the practice to the degree that it can. I certainly don't want her messing up my office or my lab.
"The room of requirements, then." He suggested hesitantly. The seclusion of the room was something he was slightly afraid of. If they were to be seen going in together, it would spark attention he simply was in no position to deal with. Especially not if the Dark Lord found out about it, he groaned internally but he noticed the witch perk up at the suggestion. Moving to the door, he motioned for her to head out first. She nearly skipped as she parted through the threshold, clutching the novel to her chest. Once more he attempted to peak at the inscription but had no luck.
Cautiously, he led the way to the room he knew full well Granger had visited before in their pathetic attempt at forming an army. Although it did cause quite the commotion for Lucius, having failed to retrieve the prophecy, Snape was lost in thought as the two took the halls at a quick pace. Shaking himself into the present, he glanced around the hall, looking for any sign of life as the feeling of being watched set hard on his shoulders. He brushed it off, ascribing the feeling to that of paranoia he had already established from the decision to bring her to the Room of Requirement.