I wish I could say that everything was perfect. That, from the moment, Bo and I were engaged, it was nothing but blissful happiness. I wish I could say that. But that's not how life works. There's only one thing, that's almost as powerful, as our love for each other. And that-is our ability to fight-HARD.

L.A 2020 – APT.

One thing that hasn't changed about Bo, even after all these years, is his humble and naïve mindset, when it comes to his work. Even after years of success, he still thinks the most current thing, is going to slip quietly by the public eye. With our wedding, only a couple of months away, he's beginning to collapse under the pressure, in the wake, of the INSIDE premier. Instead of basking in the glory of success, my tender hearted, introvert, is drowning.

For a while now, If he's not out in L.A, dealing with the media, he's been glued to his computer, dealing with the media. Honest to god, it's the one part of his career that rattles him every time. He doesn't do well, with being put on the spot, which is why his hecklers, get their asses handed to them, every time. And that's where the problem lies. Stressed out Bo, ALWAYS equals, angry, rage filled, Bo.

I recently finished a screenplay for a big film, that's begun, pre-production. I've been at the studio for the last several hours and I'm happy to finally be home. Walking through the door, I find Bo, exactly where he was, when I left. At the computer.

"Where have you been?" He asks icily, without looking up.

I hang my purse on the hook, by the door, trying to process the energy I just walked into. A moment ago, I was feeling good. I have a huge milestone in my career, in the works, dinner-date plans with Teagan tonight, and I'm only a couple of months away, from marrying my best friend.

"I was at the studio. I told you that before I left." I cross the room and slide my arms around his neck, kissing the top of his head.

"I sent you like, five texts," he says, typing furiously away.

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry. I haven't even looked at my phone, today."

"Obviously."

I'm realizing he's in a mood. Bo's been pissed, as fuck, at me plenty of times. But I've never really experienced this, cold reserve.

"You okay?" I ask, slipping my arms away, leaning against the back of his chair.

"This fucking media blitz. These people are bat shit. Oh! Hi Bo. We're so lucky to have you, answer all of these questions, right the, FUCK, now! They act like it's a choice. But look at this," he says, passing his phone over his shoulder. "Harper is all over me."

I tap through his phone, seeing dozens of messages from the PR, Matt Harper.

"I'm sorry, Bo. I know it's a lot," I hand him his phone and squeeze his shoulder. "Maybe it'll be good for you to take a break. We have that dinner with Teagan and Evan, tonight."

"FUCK!" He slams his hands onto the keyboard. "I forgot about it." He turns to me, sliding his fingers through his hair. "I can't do it."

"Really? You can't take one night off?"

"No, Sid! I can't! I've gotta get this done." He stands up, leaning over, typing out a last minute sentence.

"Fine, I'll text Teagan and let her know."

He spins towards me.

"Oh. So, NOW you can send a fucking text?"

"Bo, what is your deal, right now?"

"I don't know, Sidney…I have a pile of shit I have to dig out of, so I can make it to my own fucking wedding!"

His phone buzzes behind him. He snatches it off the desk, hurling it, into the living room wall.

"Calm down!" I snap.

"I can't calm down!" he kicks his chair to the side. "I can't even make it to dinner, because of all this, and NOW, this bullshit, with Elle tomorrow," he leans back on the desk, rubbing his face.

To make matters worse, when Elle caught wind of our engagement, she decided she wanted to torture Bo, a little more. They owned their house together 50-50, and although Bo, forfeited all rights to the sale of the property, to simply avoid her. She's still somehow managing to pull him into a meeting at the law firm tomorrow, to discuss the sale. Bo's lawyer couldn't get him out of it, because his name is signed to the deed. The sickest part, is that it's simply, to get him in the same room with her, so she mentally torture him some more.

"Bo, listen- it's fine," I say softly.

He drops his hands from his face.

"You're fucking right, it's fine. I don't have a choice. Go send your, little text to Teagan."

"Are we back on the text, again? What the hell did you text me, that you're so upset about?"

"I was just checking on you, Sidney! I wanted to make sure you were okay!" He thunders.

"Okay, well…guess what? I'm fine. Question answered."

"Well, that's fantastic, Sid." His arrogance returns.

I move towards him, "You're being a dick!"

He rises from the desk, stepping so close, my chin is nearly touching his chest.

"We'll you're driving me fucking crazy, so get the fuck out!"

I shove his chest, and my back, is suddenly slammed into the wall. He's nearly shaking with anger when he releases my shoulders. I storm past him, out of the living room, and into the bathroom to take a shower, hopefully to calm down. I slam the door behind me and turn the shower knobs with trembling hands, feeling tears beginning to form.

The door flings open, and I feel him grab me around my waist, snatching me into his chest. His mouth moves against my neck and I start to struggle against him, but he's got a firm hold. His hand moves down, slipping beneath the fabric of my shorts. When he touches me, my body responds with swelling want, but my mind, is not in the game.

"Stop it!" I say, snatching away from him.

He snatches me right back into him, violently, before I can even turn, sliding my shorts down.

"Bo, stop! What is your problem!" I struggle, feeling tears on my face.

Over the sound of the shower running. I hear him speak softly in my ear.

"Sidney, please."

I stop struggling, and we stand in unmoving silence, for a few moments, until I nod.

I do everything I can, to switch off my mind, and let my body feel, what it's fighting me to feel.

It helps a little when Bo's arms fall away and he silently nudges the wooden stool, moving it in front the bathroom counter. The one we have for Morgan's kids when they visit, to stand on when they brush their teeth. Something that would generally, send me into fits of laughter.

He doesn't say a word, he doesn't even look at me, as I step onto stool and lean over the counter. I brace myself for his throws of anger, but instead, he moves in a slow, gentle rhythm. But what gets my attention, is realizing he won't look at the mirror. Instead he looks down or away. Hiding behind the spill of his blonde hair, that's grown longer. I know him. Something more than the stress of the media and Elle, is on his mind.

Towards the end, he moves quick and firm and my body thanks me, for allowing it. He lifts me from the stool, lowering my feet to the floor. He wraps his arms around my waist, and across my chest, and tucks his forehead into the back of my neck.

"I'm sorry," he says, quietly.

"It's okay."

"I love you, Sidney.

"I love you, too"

The rest of the night, we don't speak much. And as he returns from the lawyers office today, he's grown even more distant. I give him a hug, looking up into his eyes. They're far away, and my heart begins to break.

"Was it bad?" I ask.

He nods.

"Well talk to me about it," I plead.

"I really just—don't want to talk, Sid. I have to get some work done."

He moves past me, into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and a glass and sits down at the computer. I stand there, feeling my heart self destruct. Eventually I wander into the bathroom and sit on the edge of the tub, where I cry quietly.

It's a little over a month before the wedding, and things haven't gotten any better. I wake up this morning, watching him sleep. I reach out and gently brush his hair away from his face, pretending for a moment that everything's okay, while I listen to the quiet, rise and fall of his breathing. Other than the windows of time, throughout the years, that him and I didn't speak. I have never experienced this side of him. Not like this.

My mind begins to wander off, to strange places. Running through, what the reasons could be. I begin to wonder if he had, or is, cheating on me. I also considered that maybe I didn't notice the misstep, when our relationship took a wrong turn. Maybe after all these years, we're going to fizzle out, not from outside circumstances but because we simply, don't work. But I have a hard time swallowing either of those. I trust, Bo. And I could never except the idea, that he simply, doesn't love me anymore. Because I'm still, deeply, in love with him.

I'd noticed some strange behavior, over the last several weeks. Although he barely spoke to me, it seemed as if he hovered nearby at all times. Present but silent. If I was in the living room, he was there, on his computer. If I was in the kitchen, he'd wonder in, and stare into the fridge or dig through a drawer. If I was in the shower, he'd take the time to brush his teeth or trim his beard. Also, he seemed to store up, all of his mundane questions, like dinner plans, and where various things were located in the apartment, only to send them in texts when I was away at the studio.

I look at the clock and realize I need to get up and get dressed. I whisper an I love you, to my sleeping fiancé and slip out of bed. I don't go all out to get dressed. I'm simply dropping off the hard copy of the screenplay to the studio and checking on a few details.

I walk into the living room, grabbing my purse and keys, when Bo suddenly appears in the alcove, leading from our room. He leans his shoulder against the frame, as he watches me slide on my shoes, by the door.

"Hey, sorry if I woke you," I say sheepishly.

"Please don't leave. Can you just stay?"

I look up from my shoes. I've almost gotten used to complete silence, and it catches me off guard.

"I- wasn't planning on being gone long. Just dropping off the hard copy, real quick."

"Don't they have scanners, and shit, for things like that now?"

I smile, "Babe, this is an, eighty-three-million dollar, budget film. I don't think I can just, scan it."

He nods, and lowers his head.

"Maybe, I could go with you?"

"Okay, what's going on, Bo?" I drop my purse to the floor, and quickly walk over to him. He continues to stare at the floor, and I notice his fingers are clawed into the skin of his other arm, hanging tightly at his side. His whole demeanor is suddenly frightening me. "Bo, I'm serious. Look at me, right now, and tell me what's wrong."

"I just— don't want to be alone." He looks up, his brows drawn. "Please don't leave me, Sid."

I reach up, running my fingers along his jaw line.

"Baby, please. I'm begging you. Tell me what's happening, because you're scaring me."

I watch him nervously chew on his bottom lip for a moment, before releasing a shaky exhale.

"I've been having these horrible thoughts. That you're going to leave, and not come back."

"Why would you think something like that?"

He shakes his head, "I don't know. It's all these different scenarios. I'm afraid you don't want me anymore. I'm afraid, that one day, you'll leave, and something will happen to you. And I'll never see you again," his breath, hitches in his chest, and he stretches his hand over is eyes, rubbing, and I know exactly what's about to happen. He drops his hand. "With everything that's going on- I've had to talk about filming—." He takes a deep inhale and leans "-I can't live without you, Sidney. I've tried to live without you, and I can't do it. Not again."

"It's okay, just breathe, ," I say softly. "I'm not going anywhere, Bo. We're in this for good. I promise."

He bolts, upright. "But you can't promise that, though. You can't. Shit happens to people, every day. Horrible, tragic, bullshit."

I step closer to him, his chest heaving as he watches me.

"That's true, yes, and I can't do anything to change that. But, right now, everything is okay. So, that's what we have to do… we have to live, for right now."

He lowers his head, his hair tumbling forward. "I'm so sorry, Sidney. I've been trying to work through this in my head."

"But why?" I reach out, brushing my fingers through his hair. "Why wouldn't you talk to me about it?"

He lifts his head. His eyes are so pitiful, I can barely stand it.

"We're about to get married, Sid. Everything was so happy, I didn't want to fuck everything up. But I did anyway," he says, shaking his head and looking away. He looks back at me, fresh tears in his eyes as he tilts his head.

"Bo, you didn't fuck it up."

"Yes I did, and Elle said it too, she said I'd fuck this up."

"Who gives a shit, what that bitch says!"

"She's right, Sid!" He steps closer. "Don't you fucking see? Your full grown man, of a fiancé, just begged you to stay home because he's afraid you'll die! Or leave!" He jabs his fingers into his chest, "I'm a piece of shit! I don't deserve to be your husband…" he leans his back against the frame, trying to catch his breath, and I realize his body is trembling from head to toe.

"Stop it!" I grab his face into my hands. "Bo, please stop," I feel tears rising.

His breathing becomes rapid. He shakes his head.

"I'm fucking crazy… I wouldn't blame you, if you left me." He lets out a sharp sob, his eyes holding mine in a desperate way, " I need help, Sidney." He sinks down the wall, dropping his face into his hands.

"Look at me," I demand, kneeling down in front of him. He lifts his head. "We're going to get you in to see a doctor, okay? You've always had anxiety, it's just gotten the best of you, this time. There's a lot going on right now. But, Bo. You're not crazy. Sometimes anxiety just causes fixations and this time it's centered on me. You know how I am? When I get this way? I'm always googling symptoms, right?"

He nods.

"Bo, I'm not going to leave you. I can't promise bad things won't happen. But I can promise, that I'll never leave you, if it's up to me."

He leans forward, wrapping is arms around my waist and I sit down, as he drops his head into my lap.

"I'm just scared, Sidney."

I feel fresh tears on my face, running my fingers through his hair, listening to his panicked breaths and feeling the sweat on his skin.

"You're okay. We're okay."

When he eventually calms, I manage to get him back into bed, waiting with him, until he drifts off to sleep. I go to the living room and immediately get on the phone. I set up an appointment, for him to see a doctor tomorrow. I call Matt Harper, the PR, and tell him to cancel all interviews and any other press related events until after our honeymoon. I contemplate, very seriously, tracking down Elle, but I quickly conclude, that being in jail won't help Bo with his separation anxiety. So, instead, I call the studio and have a trusty PA, come pick up the hard copy. Then, I head back to the bedroom, and spend the rest of the day, cuddled up to Bo.

There's only a few days left before the wedding. The renovations are done and after a few busy days, Bo and I stand in the loft, among stacks of boxes. I was in love with it. Red brick interior, exposed ceilings, and towering windows.

"Welcome home, Sid," Bo smiles, propping his elbow on a stack of boxes.

It didn't take long to get him, back on his feet. He's back to his normal self and happier than ever. Although, we did make a very serious promise, to always talk to each other, no matter what. We spent the next couple of days, unpacking as much as we could, although we didn't own that much between the two of us.

"Hey, check it out," I say, presenting the tiny desk, I set up in the corner. He grins as he walks over to me, sliding his arm around the small of my back.

"It's perfect," he says. The tiny desk features only two items. A desk lamp, and the Underwood typewriter.

We didn't get all the unpacking done, considering we broke in the loft several times. But, it was enough.

DANVERS, MA

Our parents, over the last several months, had launched a full protest against Bo and I wanting to get married in front of the pool house. They wanted a church wedding, but we stood our ground, and won, when Bo launched the final argument, one night, over facetime,

"It's our wedding! Let us be LAME!"

We arrive in Danvers, and it's the day before the wedding. My main request was having the lights, Morgan had for her reception, strung over the lawn, and I'm excited to see them up and ready.

Between the whirlwind of our families, trying to get last minute stuff done, I barely get to see Bo, the rest of the day. It's right after sunset, and Morgan, Samm, Teagan and I, stand in my bedroom, while they show off their bridesmaid dresses.

"Seriously, this is the best dress I could've ever hoped for! I can wear this anywhere." Samm says, hopping around with excitement. "It even has pockets!"

I chose blue/green, flowy, knee length dresses. I'm relieved Samm likes it. She's the only one, out of me and the other girls, that obsesses over fashion.

"I just hope you guys don't freeze," I laugh. I didn't take into account the fact that getting married in October would be a little chilly.

"It'll be midday. We'll be fine, Sidney," Teagan smiles. "I'm just so happy this day is happening."

"I don't care if I freeze. I just want a niece or nephew, promptly after the wedding," Morgan says.

I laugh, "We'll get on that."

My phone buzzes next me on the bed. I pick it up, and see a text from Bo.

Bo 7:43pm: Meet me at the pool house?

"Alright, girls. My presence is being requested. Gotta go," I say, standing from the bed.

"Sidney, you have your whole honeymoon for that!" Morgan laughs. I shake my head, grinning as the girls, kissing and cooing sounds fade as I make my way downstairs.

I walk outside and notice the lights, strung overhead, are powered on. I walk across the lawn, under the glow, and smile up at them, passing overhead, as I close in on the pool house.

"Hey, Sid!"

I look up to find Bo, sitting on the roof, legs stretched out in front of him. He gazes at me, tilting his head and my heart swells. He raises two liquor bottles.

"Rum or Whiskey?" He grins.

I watch him, through a blur of forming tears. Seeing the fifteen year old boy who gave me, my first kiss.

I grin. "I heard there might be, clear Bourbon?" I smile.

He drops his head with a smile, then looks back up.

"Fresh out."

"Rum it is, then."

I join him on the roof, in the cool, October air, under the stars. For quite a while, we drink, we laugh and we talk. About how crazy our parents are being, our upcoming honeymoon in Barcelona, how we can't wait to get back to our new home, in L.A. And we talk about the good ole days, while staying warm inside of our buzz.

I pick up the rum to take one last sip before I head back down.

"I found this," Bo says.

I sit the bottle down and look over at him, holding a folded piece of paper in his hand. The letter I wrote to him. His eyes are thick with adoration.

"You know, Sidney…I've told you, a million times, that I love you. But, I've come to realize, I don't think I'll ever be able to explain the depth and desperation of it. I know we're not exchanging our own vows tomorrow, because we decided we'd never get through them. But…" He hands me papers, rolled and tied with a green ribbon. "I thought I'd at least try."

I smile down at it, in my hands.

"Wait till tomorrow," he says. "I would've asked your mom, to give it to you, but I wanted you to read it before our second anniversary," he grins.

We climb down from the roof, and he walks me back across the lawn, to my front door.

"I'll miss you tonight," I say.

"Yeah." He looks off, a shy smile on his lips. "I'm gonna miss you too." He looks back to me, running his warm hand behind my neck. "I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be the one, begging you to be mine, forever."

He leans in, touching his lips to mine. The softest kiss, I could ever imagine.

The front door opens. "Alright you two," mom says. "Time to say goodnight."

Bo smiles at mom over my shoulder and turns his eyes back to mine.

"Goodnight, Sid."

"Goodnight," I say, watching him head off towards his house.

WEDDING DAY

The next morning, I rise out of bed, looking around my room. Bridesmaid dresses hang on various pieces of furniture, and on my full length mirror, is the bag, containing my wedding dress. I take a deep breath, thinking about his kiss, from last night, and I smile, as I feel butterflies, rising up to my heart.

The morning picks up quickly, and becomes a blur of dresses, make up, curling irons and Mimosas.

"Sidney, honey. We need to get you in your dress," Mom says, appearing in my room. The girls fall into a quiet hush, as they smile at me. Morgan helps me pull it out of the bag. My white, A line, dress comes spilling out. I run my fingers over the lace, of my 3 quarter inch sleeves and notice a piece of paper, flutter out onto the floor. I pick it up. It reads:

I swear I didn't peek. – I love you.

I laugh quietly, shaking my head.

Once I'm in my dress, I ask everyone to clear the room for a few minutes. I stand in front of the mirror, looking at a bride. I pat my chest twice.

"I love you, dad," I whisper.

I sit down, on the edge of my bed, untying the green ribbon, and unroll the letter from Bo.

A while later, I look out from my bedroom window. People are everywhere on the lawn below, filing into seats. A white isle runner stretches across the yard, leading to the pool house. A huge, wooden archway, is set up in front of it, and I feel a rise of happiness and nerves.

"It's time to go, Sidney."

I turn, looking at Teagan, smiling at me in the doorway.

Walking out, onto the porch, Scott turns and pulls his hand to his mouth.

"You're stunning," he says, his voice shaking. I smile. "I hope you don't mind. I know you're missing your dad today. But, I figured, for him, I'd get a head start on becoming your other dad."

I nod, because if I speak, I'll cry. He holds his arm out.

"You ready?"

I take a deep breath.

"More than ready."

As I round the corner and head towards the isle, I see the echoes of our past, all around me, and the words, from Bo's letter, filter into my thoughts.

('I think my young heart was yours, the moment I met you…')

I make it to the isle, and I see him in the distance. I look up at Scott.

"You're dad's here. I know he wouldn't miss this," he smiles. I nod and look back. We begin to walk. My mind wanders back to the letter.

('…The night I kissed you, for the first time. I remember, you looking up at me-and the only thing I could think was - I don't think I've seen a damn thing that's mattered, until this moment…

…Some boys, when they lose their virginity, might consider it a score. But I considered it, the night my body found its purpose—to be touched by you…')

As we get closer, I can see Bo clearly now, stunning, in his black tux. Pete, reaches up and squeezes his shoulder. Bo locks his teary eyes on mine, tilting his head, raising his hand to his chest, and pats twice.

('…And that night, in the pool house, when I said I love you, for the first time. That was the first time in my life, I spoke words, that I knew I'd never take back…

…Full disclosure. Fighting with you-will always make me desperately want you. That's why I peeked at your dress. Also... There were strings attached, Every. Single. Time…')

Scott, slips his arm from mine, and loops my arm with Bo's, before moving away. Through tears, Bo flashes that smile.

He leans into my ear, whispering, "I'm devastated."

('…I can never repay you—for all the beautiful things, you've done to my heart…

…For all the times, you've held me up, when I was pitifully weak…

…For being my bravery, when I was scared to venture into life, or onto the stage…

…Thank you for all the comfort and love, you've given, to my mind, and my body…')

I look at him, through tears, as I slip the ring onto his finger. He'll see the engraving later: 'We'll never fade away.' He slips a silver band onto my finger, meeting the top of the other, and runs his thumb across the back of my hand.

('…I know Christmas didn't go well that one year. But that Christmas Eve, after the snow fight. When you stood against the wall, laughing about being soaked. I was just watching you, trying to figure out how I was going to recover, from how hard I fell in love with you, in that moment. Even more, than I had already…

…Because that's the thing, Sid. The most important lesson I've ever learned—falling in love, is not a one-time thing…

…Despite all the times, you've sent me flying—I've also fallen, over and over again, deeper and deeper—and I swear to God to you, Sidney—I'll be falling for the rest of my life…

…Thank you-for being my best friend-and thank you, for being the love of my life…

…LOVE, Always- your, wasted maniac, cynical asshole, of a fiancé -Bo')

"I now pronounce you, husband and wife. Robert-you may now-kiss your bride."

The cheering and clapping, rising from our surrounding friends and family, fades into quiet space, as I look into his eyes. In them, behind the tears and all the blue, I see all the years that led to this day, and all the years ahead, filled with laughter, fights, love, and most of all, happiness. He leans in, and for the 2nd time, kisses me for the first time…as my husband, and my forever.

And on my lips, he whispers…"Let's fly, baby."