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Chapter 13. Accidents

Severus pushed off the bed and stumbled back, watching as Hermione sat up and covered herself with his duvet. Nausea that had been building all day threatened to prove its strength and so he ran, naked, into his bathroom and huddled over the loo. A shudder ran over his skin as his mind swirled with thoughts of Hermione naked, in his bed, and her screams. Her screams of pleasure which would turn to screams of agony if this ever got out, if anyone ever knew that he had just had sexual intercourse with a student. With the very same student he had promised to sell off to his Godson as if she were his to give away. As if she were my daughter, the thought sent him over the edge and he revisited his previous meal in the form of sick tumbling into the porcelain beneath his head.

"Severus?" Hermione's worried tone made tears well up in his eyes. How can she still be here? How did I let it get this far? "Are you okay?" He felt her hands on his back, followed by a blanket being draped over his shoulders. Her curls brushed against his cheek and he released a shaky breath, leaning into her. The warmth that emanated from her chest comforted him on a deep level, setting his soul right as she held him tenderly. "It's okay, it's going to be okay," she soothed. He hadn't been aware of his sobs until he was forced to take a hard inhale, the air screaming through his lungs as he began to shake.

"N-no, it's- it's really not, Herm- Her- mione," he stammered as he attempted to steady his breathing, never releasing the grip he held on her soft forearm. She is so young. How could I do this? She's your student, she's- She's Hermione bloody Granger. His occlumency shields were failing him and every emotion he associated with the girl assaulted him at that moment. Severus tried desperately to reestablish control, avoiding her gaze at all costs, but her presence made it nearly impossible. Her form next to his brought something comforting that he had never truly experienced before and he was both terrified at the prospect of his coldness melting and hesitant to ever let her go.

They sat there, in silence for a long while, before he was able to sit up on his own. His shields had reformed and the wizard was able to think a little more clearly. He held the edges of the cotton throw over himself and assessed her brown eyes which seemed to be doing the same to his own stare. "Granger, I-" he began in a whisper to which she placed her finger on his lips.

"Hermione," she corrected, letting her fingertip trail down to his chin as she glanced down at his mouth. Upon meeting his eyes once more, she moved to tuck her hair behind her ear and look away, a blush developing on her cheeks once more as he continued to regard her intently.

"Hermione, no one can know," he stated simply, watching as her shoulders slacked and her expression fell slightly. She was a master at hiding her emotions at that moment, better than me, he reasoned as he felt it was impossible to tell what she was thinking. Had he been anywhere near his wand, he may have attempted to read her mind, for there was nothing he wanted more than to be in the mind of the brilliant witch he was regarding at that moment.

"Of course, I understand. I won't tell anyone." He closed his eyes at her assurance. Of course, she wouldn't tell anyone, not intentionally at least. Who would react well to her bedding the Dungeon Bat of Hogwarts? He surmised, leaning back against the bathroom counter. The cold of the wood against his back made him feel clammy and awkward as he adjusted his legs beneath him. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and she summoned a goblet, filling it magically with water and handing it to him. Severus took it gratefully and rinsed his mouth out from the poor taste his vomit had brought earlier. Looking at her as she appraised him apprehensively, he wondered how he could ever have gotten so lucky as to have her worried for his wellbeing.

"I am not concerned about what you say with your lips, Hermione, I-" He paused a moment, looking down at her mouth which was twisted into a pout. "Do you know of Occlumency?" Snape inquired, knowing full well that she was likely to have heard about it from her dear friend Potter. If not that, then she would have read it in one of her many trips to the library. It wasn't a secret art, just not widely practised as it was something you were either naturally skilled at or developed over a significant period of time. He had attempted to educate her friend on the subject, but the boy's weakened mind left him impossible to teach, and to be fairly honest, he hadn't need to try too hard with Draco as he seemed to be a natural. Hermione would be a natural, I wouldn't doubt, he mused, watching her as she nodded. "Have you attempted it?"

"Well, yes, I mean, after Harry told me about it and how hard it was to master, I took it as a sort of challenge," she divulged, shrugging her shoulders, and looking away from him once again as if her ambition were an embarrassing quality. He wanted to smile, but the gravity of the situation he plunged himself into was something he couldn't shake easily, no matter how beautiful the girl looked with a flush of pink on her cheeks. "I haven't had anyone to practice with to see if I could actually successfully occlude, but I've had a lot of success compartmentalising my emotions, as it were," she continued, once again meeting his eyes.

A breath caught in his throat as he saw the same glimmer in her eyes that he had back in his office what seemed like just moments ago. Severus vanished the goblet before he moved to stand, tying the blanket around his hips to allow himself some dignity and offered a hand to help her up. "That will be our final lesson, Hermione, and no one can know what has gone on. We will never speak of it. We will never revisit this. This was the start and the end of it. Are you clear on that?" He barked, more at himself than anything, but his tone made her flinch. The reiteration of the warning was mostly for his own benefit, knowing she would have digested it the first time. He reached out and grabbed her arm. "I do not regret it, Hermione, don't think that, but it was a horrible mistake and could result in the death and torture of many," most notably you, "This is not to be taken lightly," he continued in a lighter tone.

Hermione nodded once more, her lips pursed. She had redressed, her mane still frazzled, but she was just as stunning as she had been when she was nude beneath him. There is nothing he could do to get that image from his mind, and he was partly thankful for that fact since he would never have the pleasure of seeing her again in such a state. "I understand, no one will know," she whispered, again. And perhaps she did understand, but he had the suspicion that she was just as displeased as he was with their current circumstances.

"I will dress, then I will come to my office and we will begin testing out your Occlumency skills," he directed. Hermione moved to pass him, and he caught her arm instinctually. Leaning down, he captured her lips in a gentle, lingering kiss. Severus allowed himself to cling to the sensation of her soft mouth pressed to his and pulled away slowly. Her eyes searched his, and she nodded before continuing on her path from his rooms. He felt her presence leave the wards deep in his soul and shivered at the sensation. He would never experience that happiness ever again, and he was truly distraught to think that perhaps it would be the last moment in life he would feel totally and completely good.

-x-

He wasn't sure how he managed to get to sleep that night, but when he woke up that Saturday he almost felt light. As if the previous night hadn't occurred, as if he wasn't about to embark on the assignment of hooking up the woman he was very certain he loved with his Godson to play out the sick fantasy of a wizard who held Severus under his thumb. As he stared up at the pattern on his ceiling, he nearly allowed himself to believe that he was free. Free to date Hermione Granger, free to teach potions and the dark arts without a hidden agenda, free to finally breathe. However, the memories and the circumstances flooded back to him and he closed his eyes tightly. She would be with Draco Malfoy by the end of February, he would be setting up the chess pieces in a war, and they would never experience the same feeling ever again.

Somehow Severus forced himself from his bed, pulling on his sleeping robe, and sighing heavily. He sauntered over to his bathroom and cleaned up the mess he had left behind the night before with a quick Evanesco before turning on the shower and stepping under the lukewarm water. He washed his hair with vigour, although the wizard knew he would be brewing most of the afternoon for Madame Pomfrey and it would simply get greasy once more before bed anyway. Stepping out of the warmth, he looked into his steamed mirror, wiping away a section to properly see his face in the reflection. Severus noted his growing wrinkles, dark eyes, and crooked nose before tucking his hair behind his ears and standing back. This war is ageing me, he thought as the reasonably young man suspected he was easily beginning to look like a 50-year-old wizard instead of the 37 he currently maintained.

Re-entering his room, he summoned his brewing robes, which were far more tattered than his teaching robes, and dressed. Deciding that breakfast wouldn't be a horrible way to start the day, and that Hermione was likely having a lie-in as she so promised the night before. He sat back a moment and recalled her voice, "I haven't really gotten to sit down and read through that novel you leant me, not properly. I've always been interrupted so I want to keep it for another night. If that's alright with you? I'll give it back to you on Monday, maybe, after class. I'll stay up tonight to finish it, then lie-in tomorrow so I'm not exhausted for homework. I won't fall asleep on this one, I promise." She had been rambling after he complimented her natural affinity for Occlumency and her subsequent giggle at their inside joke made him smile. He assumed she was attempting to draw out their last meeting, and he didn't mind. Had it been up to him, he would have kept her well into the night, maybe sat with her while she read the novel and read the book she had given him for the fourth time since he got his paws on it. The fantasy of it all, having a quiet night with the girl to talk about books, was easily the least possible event as their lives stood, but it still kept him up the rest of the night.

Walking out of his office, he spotted no one in the corridor outside. This wasn't unheard of since it was Saturday and students were likely having breakfast, snogging, or studying. Though, he mused, Hermione would likely the only one who would possibly want to be studying at this hour. The image of her nose pressed into the pages of a Transfigurations textbook lingered in his mind as he floated through the halls and down to the staff entrance for breakfast.

McGonagall was seated in her usual spot and looked up at him, offering a friendly nod before returning to her meal. Severus took his place next to her and helped himself to eggs, toast, and a steaming cup of coffee. Even though he hadn't been drinking alcohol, though he would not have been opposed to the idea, he felt as though he had an unbelievably painful hangover. He chalked it up easily to the lack of sleep and extreme guilt he was harbouring over his deplorable actions. It's not like you used the poor girl, he attempted to justify as he drank his hot beverage in silence. No, but I certainly will be enabling her use quite shortly. His muse was rather negative, which he resented, but as it was his own voice speaking in his head, he had no one to blame but himself.

There was a hoard of Gryffindors at their table, enjoying a hearty breakfast before the Quidditch game later that day, but Hermione was nowhere to be found on the benches. He wasn't sure why it was his instinct to search for her in every crowd, but he imagined it had something to do with love.

"Any exciting weekend plans, Severus?" McGonagall asked cheerfully from his left. He paused for a moment to think of what exactly he deemed exciting and instantly thought of his previous evening's activities. That's not exactly going to repeat itself this weekend, he thought pessimistically, nor would I ever be sharing that with Minerva.

"Nothing in particular. Brewing for Madame Pomfrey and Saint Mungos, I wouldn't wonder," he mentioned offhandedly, picking at his eggs in disinterest. There was a moment of silence, as if she were waiting for him to continue divulging his weekend plans. It's not like I ever have much to say in these situations, Minerva, Severus spat mentally, forcing himself to maintain civility as he grumbled internally. He was never one for small talk, and he thought she understood that about him, but it was moments like these that made him doubt it.

"Next weekend the students are going to Hogsmeade, do you care to join me as a chaperone?" The woman always had an agenda, Severus thought with a slight inward chuckle. He almost considered the invitation for a moment, perhaps Hermione will be there, but quickly decided that regardless of the girl's attendance, he would much prefer to avoid that particular responsibility. With everything going on at this time, he was grateful for the peace and quiet Hogsmeade weekends afforded him.

"The day I offer voluntarily to chaperone a Hogsmeade visit over this lot of dunderheads, is the day I'd ask you kill me where I stand," the wizard joked, eliciting a laugh from his mentor. He saw her shrug in defeat from his peripheral vision and let a cheeky grin play on his lips. The wizard adjusted his robes before he took a bite of his eggs. He was suddenly feeling underdressed compared to the older witch seated next to him, who appeared to have just had her emerald green robes freshly pressed.

"I didn't have high hopes, donna you worry," she rebutted, taking a sip of her tea. "The rumours of your indiscretion with a student have died down, thankfully, and Dumbledore managed to handle the parental side of things. I believe his statement was that it was started as a ploy from the students to get you removed because you graded too harshly," Minerva commented in an obvious attempt to draw Severus into a conversation he was less than thrilled to participate in.

"I'm glad it was sorted," he grumbled, placing his lips on the rim of his coffee mug to take a sip of his drink. He hadn't actually heard how the Headmaster had handled the fabricated scandal, and he was genuinely glad he had come up with something that satisfied the parents. Now all I have to do is provide enough cushioning to facilitate a romance between a Gryffindor and a Slytherin, easy enough, he thought grumpily.

"Was there any truth to it?" Something about her question caught him off guard and he nearly joked on the fluid he held on his tongue. "Tell me everything, Severus." Unfortunately, he surmised that she had taken his reaction as one of admission of guilt, which, he mused, I guess I am. He would have found the gossipy nature of his colleague humorous had it not been for his current preoccupation. The situation was far too serious for him to take lightly and joke about over breakfast.

"Not in the slightest, Minerva, and I would ask that you refrain from thinking about my love life, especially if it considers a student," he spat. Standing up from his seat and storming out of the hall. So much for controlling my temper, he grunted internally as he stormed back to his personal lab to begin his brewing for the day. A train of thought had seemed to stick around, hovering beneath the countless musings in his mind, since he left his last tutoring session with Hermione the previous night: what if there is a way I can have it all?

-x-

Standing behind his cauldron, brewing a particularly large patch of pain reliever, Severus was determined to focus on the task at hand and not let his mind wander into the what if's and could be's that came with thinking of Hermione Granger. He was hoping that his brewing would help him get his mind off of things, if not for the few hours he would be at it. Things would have gone quicker had he been allowed his assistant, but he knew better than to dwell on that fact and continued dutifully managing his potions.

He had been deeply entrenched in the brewing of his potion when there was a knock on his door. The thought of Hermione being on the other side sprung to his mind, but he quickly dismissed the notion and muttered a stern "enter" as he continued his concoction. The door squeaked open and to his surprise, an older female voice broke the silence.

"Severus," the thick Scottish accent spoke, drawing his attention to the figure at the door. McGonagall's face was sullen, a stark contrast from her rather cheery disposition at breakfast, and his stomach instantly sunk. Nothing good ever came of Minerva looking at him with those eyes. He held his expression strong, though, continuing his Occlumency practice as he had been failing to maintain his walls since his little affair with Hermione. She may be privy to his inappropriate feelings towards the girl, but she would never know how far he had taken it. He watched her face as she decided exactly what to say, her eyebrows furrowing as she obviously considered her options. Unfortunately, she decided on "there's been an accident."

A/N bet you weren't prepared for that cliffhanger. Whoops!