I hope life is going well for all my readers! Fall is just around the corner and I'm loving it!
Chapter 18. Desolation
Hermione wasn't sure if she should be waiting inside the Room of Requirements or outside. It was a loud and vigorous internal debate that had been happening since she arrived at the seventh-floor hallways. To facilitate a solution, she began pacing in front of the wall that usually held the door, though it had yet to make an appearance. It was ten to midnight, and she was worried that if she stayed outside any longer she was going to get caught, that someone would be doing their rounds or even coming to use the room themselves. However, she knew if she went inside, she would have to face whatever it was the room deemed itself to be required for that evening, and she wasn't quite ready to face that alone. Perhaps if Severus were there, the insides would reflect what he wanted instead of what she did. So the witch continued to wait outside, regardless of the dangers which she handled by chewing on her nails while her hair crackled with electricity ever so wildly.
Footsteps that echoed in the empty halls made her heart jump into her throat and she froze, staring at the dimly lit passageway in front of her. Suddenly, the answer to her debate was all too clear: waiting inside would have been a better idea. However, it was too late for that now as a figure rounded the corner, their steps loud and purposeful before slowing as her form likely came into their line of vision. It was too lanky to be Severus, and not nearly as tall, and her stomach fell as she noticed Draco form out of the shadows.
"Fancy meeting you here, Granger," he spoke joyfully and she swallowed hard, attempting to come up with an appropriate reaction to being caught out past curfew that did not include the truth. In addition to attempting to figure out a plausible lie, her mind swirled with the worry that Severus would arrive any moment and see the two of them and have to leave. I have to get rid of him, she determined, faking a smile.
"What are you doing up here, Draco?" She asked politely, folding her arms in front of her and glancing around for any sign of Severus. Perhaps deflecting the conversation onto his particular rule-breaking may get him to lay off me, she mused, attempting to maintain an air of confidence.
"I might ask you the same question," he rebuffed, shit. The blond stepped towards her, a cocky smirk on his lips, and becoming entirely too close. She swallowed hesitantly, avoiding his icy blue eyes, as she subtly stepped back to widen the gap between them. He kept walking towards her, stopping just short of six inches away from her and clung to the silence as she waited for him to answer. "I was doing my rounds, being a prefect and all," he answered simply, allowing her to release a sigh.
"I'm just- doing the same," she countered, attempting to appear confident through her lie. It was a bad one, really truly awful. The smirk returned as he eyed her, and she glanced away, feeling smaller than she normally did. Draco had some effect on her, whether it was making her doubt her intelligence or status as a witch, or some disturbing form of lust, it was an effect she was eager to rid herself of. Clenching her jaw, she once again met his eyes, and cocked her brow, hoping it proved a sort of dominance in the situation, that she was still in control regardless of her lie.
"It's Slytherin's night for rounds, Granger, you're not up until tomorrow, nice try though," he corrected, inching a little closer to her making her involuntarily gasp. "I won't tell anyone, your secret's safe with me, Granger," he whispered with a wink before leaning in close enough to her ear that she could feel his breath on her cheek, a shiver running down her back. "Next time you're meeting a bloke to snog, I'd recommend the alcove on the sixth floor on a night for Slytherin rounds, far quieter and usually the last place I check." She wanted to scream that she would not snog someone in the hallway, let alone by his advice, but she kept quiet as he turned to leave.
Watching him walk away, an important observation popped into her head and she opened her mouth to yell it after him, but before she could he turned the corner to head back down the stairs to the sixth floor. "Where's your partner for rounds, then, hm?" She asked no one, resting her back on wall masking the door to the Room of Requirements. Wordlessly, she cast a Tempus charm and watched at the numbers displayed five past midnight. He's late, she thought, her brows furrowing with a mix of worry and frustration.
Before she was caught again, she willed the room's door to make itself known and pushed through the entryway. The room was empty save a bed and a box of tissues. Well shit, she thought in a mixture of anger and dread, tears forming in her eyes against her will. "Even the room knows I've been stood up," she muttered, walking over to the bed and collapsing on it, taking the tissues with her. She grumbled a few curses, but ultimately succumbed to the tears, curling up and sobbing lightly. Part of her wanted to keep composed, holding out faith that Severus would walk through that door at any moment, but the part of her that knew that he was not coming overpowered her. Sobbing turned to screams in anger, and she felt that if she could rid herself of all of her emotions then and there, that she could get up and move on. Tonight, is the end of tearful, blubbering, emotional Hermione Granger, she thought with determination.
As the minutes dragged on, the tears returned to gentle sobbing as she tucked herself under the covers. The hope that remained in her heart began to die as she noted the hours rushing by. It was nearly two in the morning when she thought back to the contents of the note, I will understand if you do not come, whether it be from meddling witches or wizards, I will understand. She sighed, perhaps I'm the one who has to understand. Defeated, the witch got up and wandered over to the mirror that had appeared over a conveniently timed sink. Hermione splashed her face, and righted herself, before sneaking out of the room and back to her dorm.
Thankfully, she reached the tower without being caught and the common room had been entirely empty. With purpose, the witch rushed up to her room and changed into sleep clothes before tucking herself into bed. After curling up under her covers, Crookshanks joined her, nuzzling his owner's face with his own, and purring loudly beside her ear. She petted him as she held back another wave of sobs, casting a silencing charm over her cot so she could cry openly without bothering Lavender or Parvati. Lavender, she spat internally, I can't believe I have to share a dorm with that meddling wench of a witch. Sitting up, Hermione screamed from within her silent bubble, "you ruined everything" before collapsing in a fit of tears, holding her knees to her chest as her cat held close to her in comfort. "Tonight, is the end of tearful, blubbering, emotional Hermione Granger," she reiterated.
-x-
As Hermione strolled towards the Great Hall for breakfast, she thought back to the night before, attempting to calm herself before she had to see Severus at the head table. Whatever it was that made him unable to come, she would respect it, but it was eating away at her confidence the more she thought about it. Maybe it wasn't Severus who wanted to meet, maybe it was Draco? How well do I remember the note? Did it actually say SS at the bottom? Who did sign it?
"Miss Granger!" Her name made her spin around and pulled her from the internal questioning. Madame Pomfrey was hurrying towards her, holding up her skirts as she did. "I'm glad I caught you, girl, I need to run some tests to ensure all is well. Do you mind?" Hermione debated the answer, she truly was hungry for the first time in a while, but the mediwitch was only trying to help her. She knew that a check-up after a dive in the Great Lake in the middle of February was likely required, but breakfast was served and she was so hungry.
"Not at all," she replied, relaxing her shoulders and following after the mediwitch. The brunette glanced over her shoulder as she strode away from the Great Hall and her stomach gave one more pathetic grumble before she turned around and continued with determination.
Upon arriving at the hospital wing, Hermione was ushered into a cot and she laid down obediently. Madam Pomfrey was puttering around, casting testing charms and taking her temperature. All the while, the young witch stared up at the ceiling, noticing its intricate design, and worn out stone as she willed herself not to think of Severus or her growing hunger. He had a reason not to show, and just as he would have had she not come, she would respect it.
"Fall into another lake, Granger?" A familiar voice teased. Rolling her eyes, she thought back to his intrusion last night and how it might have been the cause of her ruined meeting with Severus. Again, she willed herself not to think of it and forced herself to crack a smirk as she glanced over to see Draco on another cot. He had his arm in a sling and a rather noticeable black eye which quickly wiped the expression from her face.
"Just a check-up, what happened to you?" A lick of genuine concern clung to her words. "Get punched by another muggleborn?" While it did seem that he had engaged in quite a beating, she was not about to let the pureblood know of her caring side. Fuelling her comment, she thought back to the time she had managed a powerful right hook into his smug face and let the triumphant smirk return to her.
"Not at all. I just fought off a whole load of trolls, I have you know," he lied with such confidence that Hermione had almost believed him, had it not been for the sheer outlandishness of the scenario. It was more likely he'd been attacked by an Acromantula than gotten into it with trolls. He may have been strong, but he was no fit for the lumbering mass of a troll.
"Oh, Mister Malfoy, we all know you fell off your broom in Quidditch practice, no need for the dramatics," Madame Pomfrey corrected, making Hermione burst out laughing. Normally the witch would have displayed genuine empathy, knowing how freighting it would be to fall from one's broom at such heights, but the fact that her once-enemy had experienced something that embarrassing, made it impossible for her not to giggle. He eyed her with a mix of embarrassment and genuine enjoyment that baffled the young witch for a moment.
"Oh whatever, Granger," he said with a scoff, a smirk tugging at his lips. Before she could speak though, Madame Pomfrey muttered something of satisfaction and positioned herself between the Slytherin and Hermione.
"You're all finished Miss Granger, I would recommend keeping warm for the next few days to be sure, but you're in fine health otherwise," the mediwitch assessed. "You too, Draco, all good. No need to be taking up the cot any longer. Get to class." Hermione laughed at the insistence, swinging herself from the bed and walking over to the door. The pattering of feet behind her made her slow down a touch.
"Hey Granger, mind not telling anyone about that? It's embarrassing enough to fall from my broom but to actually let myself land... it's mortifying," he explained, to which Hermione rolled her eyes once more. She eyed him for a moment, as she continued walking towards the Great Hall. He was biting his lip in anxiety but she couldn't help but feel it wasn't quite the reason he was hoping for her silence.
"Your secret's safe with me," she stated, repeating his promise to her. "Why were you up so early practising anyway?" She questioned, watching the Slytherin from her periphery. He was in his uniform, but without his winter robes, and his tie was awfully dishevelled. The boys normally perfect hair was a bit of a mess as well, but she felt it made him look more human. Shaking herself from the assessment, she composed herself and stood a little bit straighter as she approached the entrance.
"Game against Gryffindor this weekend, and I want to finally win one," he confessed. "It's bloody hard competing with the boy-who-lived, and he's always such a prat about it." While she was always inclined to defend her friends, she had to admit Harry had become one to brag after wins, especially when it came to matches against Slytherin. Still, she felt as though it wasn't quite the full truth, if any bit at all. While she was not inclined to believe him, and he had proven himself a menace, she had to admit it hadn't been his fault that he had interrupted the meeting between her and Severus. It had been Slytherin rounds that night and he never turned her in which she would have expected from him any of the previous years.
"I guess so, a bit yeah," she agreed offhandedly as they reached the Great Hall. "See you in class?" The witch asked, turning to look where Draco had been only to find he'd left. It was not unlike him to disappear, especially if he was attempting to save face and not be seen with her in public. So, she paid it no mind and continued off into the hall with a shrug. She found her way to her friends, parking herself beside Ginny and filling her plate. "Good morning," she sang. Her friends greeted her between mouthfuls and quickly engaged in their regular morning conversations.
The breakfast was peaceful for a moment like it had been in their third year, but her current disaster of a life all came rushing back to her when she glanced up to the head table and made eye contact with Severus Snape. Her stomach dropped and she immediately looked away, feeling embarrassment and anxiety mixing together in a nauseating way. She wasn't exactly sure how she expected herself to react upon seeing him, but this wasn't it. The witch suddenly felt extraordinarily out of place and wanted to leave, to get away from the situation she'd been placed in but couldn't as Ron spoke up.
"Hey 'mione, I was wondering what you were doing on Friday? We're all headed down to the Three Broomsticks and it seems everyone's got a date but you an' me, so whaddya say?" His innate ability to make her feel like a last resort and completely worthless was something he was obviously oblivious to. Hermione's nausea was immediately replaced by the rage she held for the redhead as she attempted to keep herself level-headed as she stared him down. It felt like the Yule Ball all over again and she was ready to commit a crime.
"What's so special about Friday?" She asked, attempting to avoid answering his proposal. Gritting her teeth, she looked down at her plate of food and began poking at it intently with her fork. Taking a ferocious bite of her eggs, she noted the brief silence as people registered her question, glancing up briefly to see what was taking the boy so long to respond. He simply looked at her with a perplexed expression as he held a forkful of eggs and bacon.
"It's Valentine's Day, have you not looked at a calendar recently?" Her heart shattered at Ginny's response. Valentine's Day? It can't be bloody Valentine's Day on Friday. Already? Her thoughts quickly flashed to Severus and their intended meeting the night before. Did Valentine's Day have something to do with it? Severus does not seem like the pink hearts and flowers kind of person, but... What if he is? What would we do? She let herself imagine what sort of date the brooding wizard would take her on, considering it would be her first year with someone to treat her on that particular stomach grumbled in a displeased way, and she frowned, realising that her friend had once more gone and ruined a perfectly good holiday for her by making her a last-ditch effort at securing a date, as if she were naturally available to him.
"I guess not," she retorted, feeling herself sink into her own structure. For a brief moment, the witch allowed herself flashback to that date she had been picturing before. In bed, curled up with Severus and a good book. He leans down to kiss me, his warm embrace a perfect remedy to the cold snow coming down outside the castle window. I put down my book to deepen the kiss, the book isn't as good as him anyway, she snapped out of her fairy tale when Ron sent her an expectant stare. "What?" She asked, her eyes darting around the table.
"Be my date?" He asked again. Shit. She thanked Merlin she had allowed the mediwitch her time that morning.
"I'll probably be spending the day in the library, sorry Ronald, Madam Pomfrey says I ought to stay warm for the time being." While she knew it was a valid excuse, and that in all likelihood it would be entirely the truth, she knew there were ways around it. Thankfully Ron was not one of those brilliant enough to look past what was laid out in front of him. Part of her was disappointed that she would, in fact, be spending the romantic holiday stowed away in the library, reading her way through the natural depression she was experiencing. Severus would make it better, she determined.
"Yeah, just my luck ain't it?" He muttered, picking at his eggs with more vigour. The boy's selfish nature was definitely something Hermione would never have tolerated long had he ever actually pursued a relationship with the dunderhead. Thinking back to her childhood crush, she was easily disgusted by the boy's poor manners and incredible stupidity. The brunette took the opportunity to finish her meal, gather her books, and offer a parting smile to her friend group.
"See you at lunch, Ginny!" She called as she got up to leave, rushing out of the hall and refusing to look back the professor she knew was likely staring her down. As she walked down to her potions class, she ran into the first year Gryffindor she'd helped the week before. "Good morning, Eddie, off to class?" She asked cheerfully. The boy smiled up at her and nodded.
"Potions! It's my favourite class, I'm really glad Professor Snape transferred before I got here, I don't think I'd have liked it as much if it were him teaching," as Eddie rambled on, Hermione furrowed her brow. If he has Potions, that means... Oh right, I guess it's Wednesday, she determined. Having missed the first day of that week, it was not shocking that she got her days messed up. But if it's Wednesday, that means my first class is...
"Oh no," she whispered.
-x-
She sat in Defence, near the back and huddled as close to the wall as she could manage. A Ravenclaw, nearly twice her height, sat in front of her, effectively blocking her from her Professor's line of sight. The row behind her filed in, and Harry snagged the spot beside her. When Ron arrived, shortly thereafter, he took the spot beside the tall boy and spun around to face her. "Hey 'mione, you sure you can't come to Hogsmeade? I mean, you've got a coat and stuff, just layer up a bit more. It won't make you any less of a date if you're wearing more clothes," Ron insisted to Hermione's dismay.
"Ron," Harry hissed in warning as Hermione sunk into her seat, her cheeks flaming with a mix of rage and embarrassment. Snape stormed through the door and took his place at the front of the class, and she immediately felt as though her friend's red hair was a beacon to her location. Quiet levelled the room and the ginger turned to face the front. After a moment of Snape's lecture on Non-verbal jinxes, Harry covered Hermione's hand with his own, drawing her attention. He leaned down to her height and whispered, "Draco keeps looking at you, it's kind of odd, don't you think?" She sent him a sideways glare followed by a hushing sound that was louder than she had intended.
"Mister Potter, anything important you'd like to add to the lesson?" Severus challenged, making Hermione retreat further into her shadowy corner. She watched as the professor glanced at her after staring down the boy-who-lived. When Harry responded with a shake of his head, and quiet no, Snape continued his lecture, which only proved to confuse the wizard beside her more. He opened his mouth to whisper to her once again, likely with something regarding the potions masters abnormally reserved reaction to his interrupting in class, but Hermione threw her hand over his mouth and glared at him intently.
"Shut. Up." She hissed. Harry nodded and shifted away from her. Out of fear, no doubt, the brunette determined. With a sigh, she resigned herself to continue listening to the lesson, only interrupted when Ron looked back over his shoulder and offered her a confused glance. Shaking her head, she rested herself on the wall and exhaled sharply.
"Next week we will revisit non-verbals and break off into pairs to practice. Until then, I expect six inches of parchment on the benefits of non-verbals in war. Due Friday, by midnight under my office door," Severus seethed. Hermione noted how he distinctively skipped over her when he stared down each student to impress the information upon them. It was unlike him to require something to be due outside of class hours, but she ignored it, scribbling the assignment down in her notebook. "Class dismissed." With that final remark, Hermione stood, gathering her books and sliding out from behind Harry. She hurried out of the class and made her way to Charms.
Harry attempted to catch up with her, but she managed to slip into the ladies' washroom before he could and she hurried to shut herself in a stall. Sitting on the toilet, she rested her head against the wall and let out a shaky breath. "Are you okay, Hermione?" An airy voice asked. Hermione reminded herself that there would be no more tears shed over this, and she rolled her shoulders. Pushing open the door, she walked out and nearly ran head-on into Luna.
"Oh, sorry. Yes, Luna, I'm okay, just... Avoiding someone," Hermione reasoned, moving over to the sink to wash her hands unnecessarily.
"Harry was running after you," the blond noted, suddenly standing next to the brunette with a wistful look on her face. Hermione offered a smile and dried her hands with a quick non-verbal.
"Yes, I saw," she replied.
"I heard about you falling asleep in the Astronomy tower," the Ravenclaw started, making Hermione blush at the reminder. "It was lucky Professor Snape found you when he did, you might have frozen to death. You seem to be getting into a lot of cold situations this term, Hermione."
"It was actually Professor McGonagall who found me," the brunette corrected, attempting to leave the lavatory, but Luna followed her.
"Professor McGonagall never has rounds on Wednesdays, it is always Professor Snape. I saw him walking around the halls when I was searching for Nergles. Thankfully he didn't catch me, but I knew it would all work out," Luna said offhandedly, sending a shiver down Hermione's spine. The Gryffindor paused, but the blond continued on, offering a quick "I'll see you later, in History," before she disappeared around a corner. It was Snape who found me? The brunette was met with a mix of embarrassment and nausea as she thought about how stupid she must have looked, falling asleep in a bloody tower. Why did they lie?