Chapter 6

I could feel the sun on my face. It felt so warm. My skin tingled from the feeling. Had it always felt this good?

Even the grass under my feet felt softer than I remembered.

"It's good to see you, little dhampir."

That voice. I whirled around to see Adrian behind me; he looked the same with his cocky grin. His eyes ran up and down my form like he was trying to commit everything to memory.

A genuine smile spread on my face; as much he could annoy me, I still enjoyed his company. I had missed him. "It's been a while."

He pushed away from the wall he had been leaning against, "It has. You look good."

"I always look good." I teased him. I was in a good mood; it must be from being allowed outside finally.

How did I get here? The thought occurred to me. I couldn't remember leaving my room. The last thing I could remember was ignoring Dimitri in my room after showering. We had been fighting.

There was no way I could have escaped from that room without him noticing.

I glanced around. Everything had a familiar haze to it. It was too soft, too good, almost like a-.

My eyes shot to Adrian. I let out a gasp. "No."

His eyes widened in concern, "What's wrong?"

"No, no, no. I can't be here." I frantically looked around as if there was an "exit here" door.

"What do you mean?"

He didn't understand. Dread and fear settled in my stomach, "Adrian, I can't be asleep!"

He moved to be directly in front of me, hands hovering above my arms, unsure if he should touch me. "Rose, what do you mean?"

I gripped his shirt collar, "I need to wake up! You have to send me back."

"Rose-"

" Send. Me. Back !"

The dream suddenly ended. Adrian's shocked eyes were the last thing I saw.

I jolted up from the bed.

The laptop was open in front of me, the credits of the movie scrolling past the screen.

I stood up suddenly, feeling the need to check, ran to the bathroom and looked at my reflection in the broken mirror. I had to stand on my toes to be able to see my face entirely. My eyes were normal, still brown. No fangs. Not pale.

I'm still me.

I let out a sigh of relief. I was still me.

"Rose?"

I faced Dimitri, where he hovered by the door; he seemed unsure. The fight from before made the air between us awkward.

"Sorry. I just had to check." I pulled at the hoodie I wore. I had found it underneath all my shirts; it was two sizes too big, the sleeves hanging past my fingers.

Understanding flashed in his eyes, "Are you okay?"

There was a plea behind his words that made me think he was desperate to know. His worry etched in the features of his face. I contemplated lying.

I didn't want to lie to him anymore. I shook my head, letting out a small sob.

His arms were suddenly around me, pulling me close to him, his face settling in the crook of my neck. One of his hands ran up my back, coming to settle in my hair while the other wrapped around my waist. It felt perfect. I buried my head in his chest and just breathed him in.

My breath caught as his lips moved against my neck; I tilted my head to give him more room. His breath felt like fire against my skin, warming every part of me up.

"Oh, Roze." He kissed my neck again, his hold tightening. " I could awaken you ."

I froze.

I tried to pull back, but he held me taunt against him. This wasn't right. He wasn't right. His voice was cold; his hold became more like a cage around me.

He lifted his head from my neck— red eyes. I wanted to scream, but no sound would come out. He grinned at me; it stretched his face unnaturally. This wasn't Dimitri, but at the same time, it was.

The hand in my hair gripped painfully and ripped my head to the side. I couldn't fight him—his fangs sunk into my neck. There were no endorphins, only pure pain.

He released my neck and let out a dark laugh, yanking my head back to face him.

It wasn't Dimitri anymore. Nathan.

"You are all mine, Rose." his voice chilled my entire being as he bites me again.

I let out a scream.

"ROSE!"

Hands were pulling at me. I couldn't let Nathan take me again. I had to stop him.

My eyes shot open. I pushed the first figure away, seeing them fly across the room, colliding with the wall. A second came towards me, gripping my shoulder. I grabbed their wrist and twisted it, pulling it behind them; I pulled their elbow up until I heard a crack.

The first one had gotten behind me, surprising me enough to be able to knock me down to the ground. I didn't move my hands quick enough to catch myself. My head hit the floor with a thud.

I had a second to think of the pain before I was flipped and pinned to the ground. They gathered my arms together and held my wrist in one hand, pressing painfully on my chest. With the other hand, they brought it down and slapped me.

It was so unexpected that I stopped struggling.

I blinked up at the figure above me, like a fog lifting. My mother stared down at me with frightened eyes.

I don't think I had seen her show so much emotion before. I continued to blink at her, each time taking more notice of things around me.

She had a bruise forming on her face; her chest was heaving as if she had just worked out. A moan from behind me made me look. A man sat on the ground cradling his arm, his clothes telling me he was a guardian. At my door, two other guardians stood with a man dressed in a flashy suit. Had I been more myself, I would have said something about it.

I turned back to my mother. Her grip on me relaxed, not letting go but enough that it didn't hurt anymore. "Rose?"

"Wh-what happened?" I felt sluggish. I think I knew the answer, but I didn't want to believe it.

Her eyes looked pained, "You were sleeping and then you…" she trailed off.

"You attacked us!" The guardian on the ground yelled.

My mother shot him a look before staring back at me.

It was true. I had attacked them.

I tugged myself from her grip, surprised when she let me. My eyes were burning, and my vision blurred.

"Rose," she reached to me, but I crawled away until my back hit the bathroom door.

She shouldn't touch me. I shouldn't be around people. I was dangerous.

I had to put distance between us. I moved quickly to open the bathroom door and disappeared inside. I slammed the door and locked it. They started to knock at the door. This wasn't enough space; I needed to be further away.

I crawled into the shower stall closing the door behind me. The frosted glass was enough to trick my mind into believing I was away from them. Ignoring the feeling of the wet tiles soaking my pants, I curled up in the corner with my legs pulled up against my chest, hands tightly clamped over my ears to keep out their yells.

It finally happened. They will never let me out now. I am still a monster.

A laugh bubbled up my chest. Even to my own ears, it sounded hysterical. Maybe I had finally gone insane. Maybe they will kill me now.

A painful sob cut off my laugh. I hid my face behind my knees. Why did this keep happening to me? Why couldn't I have just been a normal teenage girl? Have friends, a boyfriend, finish high school and then live my life. Why did I have to be this? I let tears fall, mourning for a life I would never have.

I had half expected them just to break down the bathroom door; instead, they tried to encourage me to open it. I ignored them. Finally, they picked the lock or used a key. Then they asked me to leave the shower. I continued to ignore them.

My mom had a desperate tone, but I wouldn't budge.

After some time passed, I heard her exasperated sigh, "Maybe we should get Belikov?"

Dimitri!

"No!" I panicked, "Don't bring him here!" I didn't want him to see me.

"Then will you come out?"

"No."

"Rose-"

An unknown voice cut her off, "Let me try."

The shower door opened enough for me to see the man from before. His suit was over the top with gold jewellery and an extravagant scarf. He looked older, around my mother's age. There was an air about him that put a slight chill in the air, a way he held himself. I realised that he was Moroi.

Why was he here?

His eyes studied me, which made me feel uncomfortable. There was a hint of amazement in his expression. He crouched down to be more level with me, head tilted to the side. "Hello, Rose."

I eyed him warily.

He glanced around the shower stall, "I would prefer to have this conversation in a nicer place, though I suppose this would have to do."

I asked before I could stop myself, "What conversation?"

He glanced at the floor, making a face, "When was the last time this place was cleaned?"

My patience was thin, "What do you want, old man?"

A glint of amusement in his eye, "Well, seeing you asked so nicely, I'm here to meet my daughter."

I stared at him for two seconds before realising what he meant. His daughter. Is he my father?

I looked him over again. If I had passed him on the street, I would have thought he was a pirate or a pimp. This man was my father? His eyes and hair were dark like mine, his tan skin like mine though a bit lighter. I could see the resemblance.

When I imagined what meeting him would be like, it wasn't sitting in a shower having a breakdown. I bet he didn't expect to have been at my funeral before meeting me in person. "Thanks for coming to my funeral."

He had a wily smile. "Yes, almost like doing things backwards, isn't it?"

I snorted a laugh. His humour was like mine.

"So shall we continue this here, or can we move to a more civilised setting?"

I glanced behind him. While the others had moved back to allow him space, I could still see two guardians by the door, ready to take me down if needed. "They are going to take me away." While I had expected it, it didn't stop my heart from speeding up. Once I'm put in those cells, I won't be free again, will I?

He glanced behind him and chuckled, "No, they won't be taking you anywhere. They work for me."

He had guardians working for him? He must be important to have two. It eased some of my worries but not enough to willingly leave. "How can I trust you?"

"Trust me, Rose, while I'm here, no one will touch you."

There was such conviction in his voice that I believed him. He held his hand to me. With slight hesitation, I took it and let him lift me to my feet. As he led me out of the bathroom, he kept his body in front of me like a shield. There was a part of me that felt safer with him guarding me. It was weird to feel, considering I had just met him.

I had half expected the room to be filled with guardians, but instead, it was just his two guardians and my mother. She caught me off guard, pulling me into a hug. "Oh Rose, I'm so sorry." She pulled back to study my face. Her hand grazed over my forehead. I yanked back in pain, pressing my hand there. I was shocked to see it come back bloody.

"When?" I had been thrown on the ground; it must have been hard enough to break the skin.

She stepped away guilty. "I'm sorry, I had to-"

"It's okay, I understand." I did; I was out of control. I couldn't totally blame her for any injuries I had, considering the bruise on the side of her face, "I didn't hurt you too badly, did I?"

"I'm fine, but, well," She glanced to the door to the hallway, "You dislocated Guardian Wyatt's shoulder."

I inhaled sharply. I had hurt a guardian. Seeing the panic on my face, she quickly tried to comfort me.

"He's fine now, though. He isn't going to say anything to Guardian Petrov either, not until I can first."

"Why would he wait?"

"I may have persuaded him." My father answered.

I looked at him incredulously, "Persuaded how? Did you threaten him or something?" He just stared back at me. "You did? What are you, a mob boss?"

"I am just a businessman."

My father is totally a mob boss. How did my mother even meet him? "I need to sit down." My head was starting to hurt.

"Excellent idea," He clasped his hands together. Turning to his guardians, "See if you can't find something that we can clean her up with." He gestured to my head. One of them disappeared into the bathroom without question returning with a cloth and the first aid kit.

I will have to restock that soon at this rate.

My father pulled the chair across the room, stopping in front of me where I had settled on the edge of the mattress. He opened the kit and started to pull things out, looking unsure at it.

My mother clicked her tongue. Taking the kit away from him, she nudged him off the chair, "Let me do that."

"I would have figured it out." He defended.

It was weird seeing them interact together; you could tell they knew each other well. It was almost surreal having both my mom and dad stand before me. "So what should I call you?" I directed at my father. I didn't feel anywhere near close enough to call him dad.

"Call me dad."

"No."

He pouted, "Fine, you can call me Abe."

"Abe." I tested the name. He beamed at me. I resisted rolling my eyes at him and focused on my mother instead. "What will you tell Albe- Guardian Petrov?" I asked in a small voice.

She dabbed at the blood on my cut with the cloth, "That you had a nightmare and just reacted."

She made it sound like it was nothing to worry about, "But I hurt people, I shouldn't be allowed after-"

"Hey!" She cut me off, "You think you are the first person to have nightmares? I know so many guardians that have been punched trying to wake another up." She held my eyes, "You have been through more than anyone could understand." She focused back on my cut, "I would be more worried if you weren't having them."

"But I can't control it."

"That will come with time. You have to give yourself a chance to heal, Rose."

I looked down at my hands, fingers twisted in the hem of my hoodie. I don't think I could heal. I couldn't trust myself around anyone right now. What if it had been someone else? What if I had done more? There were too many ways for this to have been worse than it was. "Can you tell them I don't want anyone to visit me for a while?"

"You shouldn't cut yourself off from others right now."

I shook my head, "No. I don't want anyone else near me, not until I am better. Please." I pleaded with her, looking into her eyes. New tears threaten to fall, but I held them back. Eventually, she relented.

"Okay, I'll let them know."

"I don't want Dimitri to come anymore either." I knew I was giving something away by requesting this, but I couldn't face him. Especially him.

My mom opened her mouth to respond, but Abe stopped her, "Whatever you need, Rose." I somehow knew he was telling the truth. He really would go out of his way to give me what I wanted right now.

"Thank you."

My mother left to talk with Alberta after she had finished patching me up. With a few words of warning, she left Abe to watch over me. I didn't feel like talking, and he didn't force me.

Keeping their word, I had no visitors that day, and instead of Dimitri bringing my afternoon meal, it had been Abe. I guess with his ever-constant guardians, they trusted him to be able to watch me.

Lissa had constantly been trying to push thoughts through the bond, and I had to keep my mental barrier up. It was draining me. I couldn't focus on her feelings right now, not when I was trying to understand my own.

I welcomed Abe's company because I knew he wouldn't push.

"They tried to give me an awful selection of food, so I decided to switch it up." He placed the tray on the side table. My eyes widened. I had been expecting something bland, but Abe had replaced it with doughnuts, a chocolate bar, a side of fries and… my mouth watered. A burger.

"How did you get all of this?" I took in the sight of the food, itching to shove it all into my mouth.

He waved me off, "Please, this is nothing." He paused and glanced around the room suspiciously before leaning forward, pulling a small bottle out of his suit pocket, "This is to take some of the edge off."

I blinked at the bottle of vodka he presented to me. It was small like the ones they serve on planes or in hotel minifridges. "I'm not old enough to drink," I told him pointedly.

"So? I'm on Russian time still. You can drink legally there." He pressed the bottle into my hand.

"That's not how it works."

"Sure it is."

I glanced at both of his guardians, their faces telling me they had no issue with me drinking. I placed the bottle on the far side of the tray, "I'm good. Thanks, though. I think." He shrugged. "How did you even know what kind of food to get?"

He lowered himself into the chair, though shifted around like he was uncomfortable, "A nice blonde girl helped me out. This chair is terrible. We will have to change this." He threw a look at one guardian who once again left without a word, going out to the hallway.

A blonde girl helped him? One guess that it was Lissa, only she would have known to put tomatoes and mustard sauce on my burger. My chest tightened. She was still trying to take care of me even though I have pushed her away.

"Well, go on. It won't eat itself." Not needing to be told twice, I dug in.

I had finished off half of the tray when his guardian returned with a chair; I was sure it came from one of the common rooms. It was cushioned and large enough to recline in—a significant improvement to the old wooden chair.

"Much better," Abe commented as he settled into the chair, crossing one leg over the other. I could feel him level his gaze on me, "So then, Rose, tell me about Dimitri."

I froze. So much for him not wanting me to talk. I returned his gaze; there was glint there. "What about him?"

"You were determined not to see him. I'm interested to know why."

I looked away from him, "I just don't want to."

"He hasn't hurt you, has he?" There was a dangerous tone to his voice.

"No, he hasn't." I defended. "Dimitri he's," I paused, "he's just someone I look up to. I don't want him to see me like this." It wasn't the whole truth, but it was part of it. Though Abe wasn't a part of the Academy, I didn't see him being too proud of a relationship between us. If anything, I could see Abe trying to break his kneecaps.

He hummed in response. Thinking he had dropped the subject, I took a bite of my doughnut. "So your mother isn't aware you are dating?"

I choked.

I managed to clear my throat, "What makes you think we are dating!" How did he figure that out?

"I mean, it's obvious, and your reaction is answer enough."

"I- I didn't answer anything!" This is bad. He can't know.

"He had quite the reaction when he was told he couldn't see you." Abe tapped his chin in thought, "I was surprised to discover you were in a relationship with Dimitri Belikov."

"Wait, you know Dimitri?"

"Yes, I know his whole family."

That was a surprise.

Though Abe didn't sound mad about the relationship, I had to make sure, "You won't tell anyone, will you?"

"You're an adult now." He replied, "I don't exactly approve, but I won't tell you what to do with your life."

I let out a soft sigh of relief. The last thing either one of us needed right now was questions about our relationship.

Something Abe mentioned struck me. I was an adult now. As a Strigoi, I didn't pay attention to the date, let alone that my birthday had passed. I was eighteen now.

I used to look forward to this age because it meant that I could be with Dimitri without worrying about the law. Everything is different now.