Chapter 7

Abe and my mother become my two main guards, always one of them in the room. Sometimes they would both be, trying to get me to talk, to convince me to let my friends visit again. I would ignore them.

They wouldn't let me try to stay awake all night anymore; knowing what my original plan had been, I had been denied any access to coffee.

I tried my best to stay awake, but eventually, my body would give in.

I wasn't sure if it was because Dimitri wasn't near me anymore or because I tried so hard to push him from my mind; my dreams weren't me hurting him. Instead, it was my other victims.

Sometimes it was like reliving the memories but watching from afar; others, I watched through my eyes and felt everything. Those scared me the most.

Sometimes I would be attacked by those I had hurt and killed. I never fought them.

My parents had been able to tell when I was having a nightmare and woke me before I became violent. I was thankful that I hadn't hurt anyone else since that night, but I continued to shut everyone out.

Days passed, I would sit in my bed, staring into space, lost in the memories of what I did.

I would sometimes slip into Lissa's mind; it became harder to ignore her when she was closer. Each day she would come to my room, and each day she was turned away. Today was no different.

I could feel her irritation, almost as strong as her determination. She wasn't going to stop until she saw me.

The guardian, one of my father's, that stood in the hallway had a look of exasperation. Her arguing with him had become a daily occurrence. "Princess."

"Let me in." She willed her voice to sound firm.

Christian stood behind her, he never told her to stop fighting, but he never tried to help either.

"No one is allowed in there." The same response he gave every day.

"I don't care. I demanded you let me in. Or at least tell her I am here." She had to hold herself back from stomping her foot. She wanted to be taken seriously and not like a child acting out.

"The answer is still no."

She gritted her teeth. Part of her contemplated using magic to make him step aside, but it felt wrong to control him like that.

"Come on, Lissa, maybe tomorrow she will be in a better mood." Christian gently tugged her wrist.

She spun to face him, eyes blazing, "It has been almost a week!" She turned back to the guardian, "Let me. See. Her ."

The guardian stared her down, "I suggest you go now."

This time when Christian led her away, she followed. She felt so dejected that it hurt for me to watch.

I was about to pull myself out of her mind when I saw Dimitri walking towards her. Why was he here?

"Lissa, Christian." He greeted. I missed the sound of his voice. It had only been a couple of days, but it felt like longer. I missed seeing him.

"Are you trying to get in there too?" Lissa asked.

"I take it you are having as much luck as I?" His face was blank, but I could tell he was frustrated by how tense his shoulders were.

Dimitri had been trying to see me? I figured that after the first day he would have relented. Had he been trying every day as well?

"I'm worried about her, she tries to act strong, but I know she needs me right now. Why would she think pushing us away is good for her?" Lissa demanded, quickly wiping away the stray tear from her cheek.

"I'm sure she is trying to protect you."

"She is the one that needs to be protected."

Dimitri gave her a sad smile. He glanced into her eyes, and it felt like he was staring at me. It became too much, and I pulled away from her back to my own mind.

I turned towards the window; I couldn't look at the door. Knowing they were so close made me want to run to them.

It was a rare moment where I was alone in my room. Abe had been here but then claimed he had an important call to take outside. No doubt that was a lie. I wasn't going to fight it if it meant finally being alone. It was surreal, having been here a week already, and this was my first time alone.

I slowly stood from my bed and glanced around the room, eyes settling on the covered window again. I haven't opened the curtains once, and no one else had either. I imagined that if I moved the curtains, there would be a brick wall if I moved the curtains rather than an actual outside view.

I hovered my hand by the fabric. What was the time? Would the sun be rising soon? Our 'days' were getting shorter, with the sun rising earlier as summer approached. Maybe I could see the sun.

I dropped my hand to my side and retreated to my bed.

I deserved to be punished. This room was my prison. Everything out there didn't matter anymore.

Abe was settled in his chair with a book, though with how often he glanced away from it, he mustn't be enjoying it.

I sat in the corner of the bed, pressed against the walls like they could anchor me. I felt in control here, the only place I did.

I continued to watch Abe go from reading the book to looking at his watch to glancing at the door. His leg had a nervous bounce in it, but his eyes glinted as if he was planning something.

"What are you up to, old man?"

He gave me a look of innocence, "Whatever do you mean?"

"I can tell you are planning something."

"I don't know what you are talking about." He glances down at his watch, "My, is that the time. I have to make a call Rose."

I stared at him, "Who could you possibly be calling at this time?" It was the middle of our night.

"Clients all over the world, you see." With that, he left the room along with his guard.

Of course, my father had to be strange.

I was trying to guess what he was up to when my door opened. "What's wrong? They didn't want to talk to you?" I shot over at Abe.

But it wasn't Abe.

Dimitri stood in the doorway; his presence was looming and tantalising. My first thought was that he was a sex god. My second thought was that he shouldn't be here. I voiced it, "You aren't meant to be here."

He looked upset. I couldn't blame him. "So I'm told."

I had expected him to figure out a way past the hall guard eventually, just not so soon. He was just lucky to have come after Abe left. Wait - "Abe set this up, didn't he!"

"He may have."

He remained in the doorway, which for some reason, made me more nervous. Was he here to tell me he was done? Maybe he realises what I did is unforgivable. I couldn't help but become defensive, "Well, if you are here to say something, say it."

God, I wanted to hold him.

He held my eyes with his. He knew what I was doing. "Come on." He gestures behind him.

I glanced out at the hallway, as much as I could see of it around him, "I'm not allowed."

"When has that stopped you before."

Slowly I moved off my bed; I didn't step towards him, though. I suddenly felt very unsure of myself. I pulled at my long sleeves. "Where are we going?"

"Come, and you will find out." He stepped out into the hallway.

Each step he took away, I took a small step forward until I was in the doorway. I hadn't left this room since I got here. My memory of that first night was a bit fuzzy.

I studied the hallway. I had already guessed that the guardian in the hall left but seeing the empty seat still surprised me.

Dimitri waited patiently, his eyes encouraging me. With a deep breath, I stepped over the threshold.

I followed Dimitri through the halls, keeping a distance between us. He didn't say anything about it, but he was watching me closely. When I would stop, he'd stop. He maintained my slow pace, staying close but still far enough anyway that I couldn't touch him. If he was within reach of me, I didn't know what I would do.

I wondered what he could have planned that he enlisted the help of Abe.

The halls were deserted, which is to be expected. Everyone is sleeping. I was happy that we didn't pass anyone; I didn't think I could handle that. They would stop and stare.

I could become my own travelling freak show, The Girl Who Would be Strigoi.

Dimitri stopped. I halted behind him. We were at the back door of the building; no one could use this door other than guardians with keys.

"Wait, where are we going?" My heart was racing. That door would take us outside. I had assumed we were going to the kitchen or something, not outside. "I can't go out there."

"Rose, you aren't a prisoner here." With that, he forced the door open.

I scattered back, the scent of outside hit my nose. It wasn't the same as when I was Strigoi; when I was, my sense of smell was insane that, at first, everything was overwhelming. After some time, I learnt the different scents. I finally understood what Adrian had meant about being sensitive to scents around you.

I didn't realise that my breath was coming out in short pants. Dimitri moved to be in front of me.

"It's okay, Roza. I'm here with you. I won't let anything happen to you."

I hated how much better that made me feel. I loved it as well.

He held his hand out to me, "Take it one step at a time."

Maintaining eye contact with him, I took his hand. As he said, we took one step at a time. His eyes never wavered from mine.

I took my first step outside in over a week. The breeze was the first thing I noticed as it blew through my hair, swaying my high ponytail. Then I could hear the birds; there were so many that I couldn't name what any of them were. They were all out for Spring.

Dimitri continued to lead me out along the pathway from the back door. The building loomed above us, creating a shadow. When we reached the edges of the shadow, we stopped.

The sun. Strigoi can't go out in it. I wasn't Strigoi anymore, but the sun still caused fear in me. This was the last real test.

Dimitri squeezed my hand, silently waiting for me to choose to go forward. He won't force me. His eyes bore into mine with such intensity. I saw his love for me, felt the strength it gave me, that he gave me.

One more step and I was bathed in light.

My dream with Adrian came to me, how that sunlight had felt. The real thing was so much better. The heat it gave to my skin, warming me up quickly in my long-sleeved shirt and long pants.

I closed my eyes and let my head fall back. God, I missed the sun.

I laughed. I felt so light.

I turned to Dimitri, a smile on my face. His eyes were filled with amazement and awe. He focused on me as if committing this to memory. A smile of his own turning up the corners of his mouth. "You are so beautiful." He spoke so quietly I almost didn't hear him. My cheeks flushed.

Closing my eyes against the sun again, I let my skin just soak it up.

After some time, Dimitri took hold of my hand, linking our fingers. I looked down at our joint hands. His skin was warm and weathered; the roughness didn't bother me. Instead, it reminded me of the power that he has, his strength. My mind flashed back to the cabin, how his hands felt on me, caressing my body as we became one.

"I missed you." he confessed, eyes turning pained, "Don't push me away again, Roza."

I turned away, "I had to. There is so much I am trying to work through." I explained.

"You don't have to do it alone." He implored me. He gently gripped my chin and lifted it, so I faced him. "Let me help you."

I could feel myself crumble; I couldn't turn him away again. "Okay. I'll try," I promised, giving him a watery smile.

"Thank you." He stroked my cheek with his thumb.

A quick approach of footsteps startled me; pulling away from him, I put distance between us. Before I could see who it was, I was almost knocked off my feet. First, by the sudden emotions I felt, and second by Lissa.

So many emotions were coming through at once; happiness, hope, anger, sadness. But overpowering them all was love. Her arms wrapped around me, tightening like I was going to disappear. I moved my arms the best I could to hug her back.

We stood in silence, just embracing each other. Slowly I could feel Lissa's emotions calm themselves. She pulled back enough to see my face, "I am so mad at you right now."

"I know." I rubbed her back. "I'm sorry."

"You won't do it again?"

"I'll try, I promise. It just became too much."

"I know," Lissa gave me a reassuring smile, "I'm sorry, too."

With one last squeeze with her arms, she stepped away. That's when I noticed Christian and Eddie. My mother and Abe standing in the shade of the building. "Is this going to be a big intervention kind of thing?" I asked them, pointing between Christian and me, "We aren't going to hug, are we?"

Christian cracked a smile, "No way am I ever hugging you."

"I will, though," Eddie called before lifting me in a bear hug. I laughed while slapping at his shoulder.

"Put me down!" He put my feet back on the ground then danced away from me before I could get a good hit in. It felt good to laugh. To see my friends. "So are you all a part of this great escape? Who paid off the warden?" I looked pointedly at Abe, knowing he definitely did something.

"Belikov had the idea and managed to convince Petrov to let us out after curfew," Eddie answered, a look of hero-worship shone in his eyes when talking about Dimitri.

I looked over my shoulder at him, "My knight in shining armour." I joked, he didn't react openly, but I could tell he liked me calling him that.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do it sooner. I had to get past some… obstacles first."

I followed his eye line to see my father, a knowing smile on his face, "Of course you did." I shook my head at him. I will need to talk to him, make sure he isn't causing trouble.

We were only allowed to be out for an hour; after that, we were on strict orders to return to our rooms. When it finally came time to go, I was locked in another tight hug from Lissa.

"I will come to see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." I pat her back.

"And will let me in, right?"

"Yes, I promise," I tried to pull her off, "Liss, I need to breathe."

She quickly pulled away, mildly embarrassed. "Sorry."

I waved her off.

My mother took the job of walking them back to their dorms, Abe following along to cause some kind of trouble, I'm sure. That left just Dimitri and me.

I didn't want to leave the sunlight. Dimitri understood my silent plea, letting me stand there for another five minutes.

"Time to go."

I pouted, "I don't want to."

He chuckled at me, "You can come out tomorrow if you want?"

"Wait, really?" I asked in surprise. At his nod, I gave a little squeal. "Could I even go the track?"

"If you truly wish to." He walked back to the door we exited through. I followed behind with a skip in my step.

"Oh! How about the gym?" I missed working out. After a week of doing nothing at all, I was happy with any exercise I could get.

He thought it over a second, "If no one else is using it, I don't see why not. But that would have to be our secret." He grinned, opening the door, holding it for me to walk through.

"Don't worry; my lips are sealed, comrade."

Dimitri walked me back to my room. When he stopped outside rather than going in, I asked him, confused, "You're not going in?"

"No." He grinned at me.

Was he not sure if I wanted him back again, "You can go back to being my guard again if you want."

"No, you won't be having any guards anymore." He replied, "There will still be someone outside just in case, but your space will be yours from now on."

I could feel my eyes widen, "Why? I thought that -"

"In trying to be cautious, we made you feel like a prisoner, and that isn't what you are."

I almost couldn't believe what he was telling me.

"Petrov wanted me to remind you to stay in your room, though; you technically aren't a student here, so you aren't meant to be wandering around. And for the time being, if you do go out, I will be accompanying you."

"What like a Guardian?"

"Yes."

I eyed his body, giving him a smile that I knew would make his knees go weak, "My own personal Guardian, I could get used to that."

He swallowed. I could see him becoming flustered.

"Well then, goodnight Guardian Belikov." I flashed him one last smile before closing my door. I hadn't felt this much like myself in ages. I may still be a bit restricted, but it was an improvement. I was one step back to regaining my life back.

It felt like I was walking on air, jumping onto my bed—a big smile on my face.

I looked over at the window, an idea forming.

I got up and dragged my bed out of the corner until I had it placed in the middle of the room. Once happy with the arrangement, I moved to the window and pulled open the thick curtains. Light flooded the room, chasing away all of the shadows in the room. I backed up until my knees hit the bed. This was perfect.

Changing into my pyjamas, I snuggled under my blanket, pillow hugged against me and stared outside the window.

That night I slept without any nightmares.