Hold Me Before I Fall

by Scotty1994

The cave is where everything went wrong. He couldn't save her. Rose lost her soul that night. She became the thing they hunted, what she promised to protect Lissa from. When trying to fulfil her one goal of taking what is hers, she is saved, changed back into a Dhampir. Her friends are happy to have her back but the rest of the world is still afraid of what she was.

9. Laugh At A Funeral

Chapter 9

Lissa was at my side not long after Abe left, a cup of coffee in hand.

"Is this your apology for abandoning me?" I asked, glaring at the cup. Scoffing at me, she pushed the cup into my hand.

"I hardly think talking to your dad is that bad." She drank from her cup; hers filled with juice. "What did he want to talk about?"

I took a long sip from the coffee, it wasn't the greatest, but caffeine is caffeine.

While I have accepted that my dad knows about my romantic relationship with Dimitri, I still wasn't ready to reveal that information to Lissa. Especially when I didn't even know if there was anything romantic still there. Sure I felt for him, loved him. But I couldn't be sure if I could feel that love with the same intensity again.

It made me think of the saying— You can't love someone if you don't love yourself.

"Just that he is proud of me," I finally replied.

Lissa accepted the answer with another scoff, "Of course he is, Rose. You're amazing." I could feel through the bond her own pride and awe for me, making my face flush.

"Okay, that's enough of the feelings. I need food." I spun around, "When are they getting here? I need to eat!" I called across the room to no one in particular.

Eddie gasped dramatically, "We better feed her soon before she tries to eat one of us." He elbowed Christian in the ribs. He let out a chuckle at the irritation on Christian's face.

"Don't worry, Christian, there's no meat on your bones." I played along, locking my sight on Eddie, "We would eat Eddie, Christian can start a fire, and we can roast him on a spit."

Christian held a hand to his chin as if considering the idea, "The table wood should burn well."

"You wouldn't be able to catch me, Hathaway." Eddie taunted.

I laughed, sweeping a strand of hair out of my eye, "I may be out of practice, but I could still take you, Castile."

"We'll see about that."

It had been a while since I had taunted Eddie, just another piece of before that clicks back into place. I sauntered over to him, stopping just before him, our chest almost touching, "You are so going down." I warned him, a large smirk on my face.

"And what is going on here?"

Both of our heads whipped over to the entrance. My mother's eyebrow raised; she looked ready to hand out lectures. Dimitri stood behind her blank-faced, but his eyes lit up in concealed amusement.

I made sure she saw my dramatic eye roll, "I was just explaining how I was dying of hunger here."

Shaking her head at my antics, "Just as dramatic as your father."

I threw my hand to my chest, acting offended. "I am not dramatic."

Abe snaked his arm around her shoulders, "I remember you liking my theatrics." My face changed to disgust. "Especially in Prague." He played with a lock of curls.

"I don't need to hear any of this." I threw my hands in the air spinning away from them, "I'm going to eat before you make me lose my appetite." I complained over my shoulder. Lissa reprimanded me through the bond though I could feel she agreed with me on eating.

I moved to the first tray and removed the lid. With a plate in hand, I began to pile on the food. My appetite was back to normal, and the enjoyment of food had intensified. I'm guessing dying makes everything enjoyable. Food, coffee, sunlight. I could only imagine what else would feel better than it had before.

My eyes searched out Dimitri in the room, filling up his own plate. I wonder…

No! Don't go there. I trampled that thought before it went too far.

I dragged out a chair at the end of the table, setting my plate down before dropping into the chair. I should have refilled my drink, I realised.

Before I could stand, a glass of juice was placed in front of me. Dimitri gave me a knowing smile as he moved past me to the other side, and he took his seat.

I sat at the end of the table, followed by my mother and Eddie. Lissa, Christian, and Dimitri sat on the opposite side, with Abe at the top of the table with Eddie and Dimitri on either side.

Abe surveyed the table for a moment before waving towards Dimitri, "I would so love to catch up with Janine. Would you be kind enough to switch places with her?"

Dimitri's eyes locked with mine.

Dimitri dipped his head gathering his plate and drink as my mother did the same.

I caught my father's eye and frowned at him. I knew what he was doing.

He gave me an innocent smile, which I knew was a lie, and shrugged his shoulders, "We hardly get to see one another. Best to make the most of it while we can." One look at my mother, and I could tell she also knew it was a lie.

Dimitri set his plate down and took his seat next to me. He may have sat a bit closer to me than needed, but I didn't comment on it.

The fact our legs pressed against each other under the table meant nothing. We were friends. Friends sit close to each other all the time. Feeling his heat through my jeans was fine. It didn't at all make my leg tingle. And I most definitely did not shift in my seat, so I was just a bit closer to him.

I forced my attention from him to the table, the others already eating, none noticing us. I looked across the table at Lissa; she was watching me. Again I felt that same glimpse of something through the bond. Before I could pull more at the emotion, she put up her mental block, effectively cutting me off.

I tried to catch her gaze, but she pretended nothing happened, chatting away to Christian. I decided not to push it now, later. There were too many people here currently.

Instead, I busied myself with my food, piled high with eggs, hash browns, and the greasiest pieces of bacon I could find. I had to bite my tongue not to moan out loud as I chewed on my first piece.

"Should we leave you two alone?" Lissa teased.

My eyes flew open in shock, at first thinking she noticed the closeness of Dimitri and me. I followed her gaze to the rest of the bacon slice on my fork. I let out an awkward chuckle, "I am just taking time to enjoy my food."

"Maybe a bit too much." Eddie joined in on the teasing.

I tried to stop the flush of embarrassment from showing, "Joke all you want. Nothing will make me regret loving my bacon." I finished by shoving the rest into my mouth. That earned me a laugh and a couple of eye rolls.

"How aren't you hot?" Christian asked suddenly.

I wasn't prepared for the question, almost choking on my food. Dimitri patted me on the back until I could breathe again.

I glanced around the table. I was the only one not dressed for the warm weather. My mother and Dimitri were in long-sleeved shirts, but they were light, while I was in a sweater. Unsure how to answer, I tried to throw off everyone's focus on me.

I gestured to Abe, "He is wearing that, and you think what I am wearing is weird?"

Abe dared to look offended at my comment, "I'll have you know, this is designer."

"Yeah, but he is…." Christian trailed off, glancing at Abe before returning focus to me, "him."

I didn't know how to respond. Luckily Lissa saved me, "I think the sweater looks lovely. I like the colour."

"It is a nice colour." Dimitri agreed.

Before Christian could ask any more, Lissa moved the conversation, "So Guardian Hathaway, is your charge still living in Nepal?"

With focus pulled off me, I took the chance to recatch my breath.

I had managed to move my hand to Dimitri's under the table at some point through that. Noticing only when his thumb ran across my knuckles. Rather than pull away I squeezed his hand in thanks. If it weren't for him and Lissa, I would have had to discuss something I wasn't ready to. I knew Lissa had picked up on my fashion change and, like Dimitri, didn't push the issue.

The conversation going around the table, that I was not paying attention to, was interrupted by a knock at the room entrance. I peered over my shoulder at the door behind me.

Alberta greeted the room, "Sorry to interrupt, but I am here to deliver a guest." She stepped to the side to allow in the man behind her.

Adrian.

He ventured into the room, the same swagger to his step as always. I hadn't seen him since that last time he appeared in my dream, where I had begged him to let me wake up. His eyes locked on mine instantly, a warm smile spreading over his face. In four large steps, he was behind me. I rose from my seat, letting out a gasp of surprise as he dragged me into a tight hug.

"You have no idea how good it is to see you, little dhampir," he spoke into my hair, not breaking the hug.

A cough from behind us finally made him pull away, not far though, just enough so that he could see me.

"Good to see you to Adrian."

He let out a laugh, "I knew Lissa saved you but seeing it in person. I'm going to need a minute to get used to this." His eyes slowly dragged from the top of my head down to my feet a couple of times before coming to settle on my face, studying me. Studying my aura, I realised.

"How's it look?" I asked, curious myself.

A look crossed his features that I couldn't quite read, but his smile never left his face, "The same as before, some darkness, but nothing we can't fix."

A sense of relief washed through Lissa and me. She had been just as curious as me. Wondering if she truly did heal me of all the darkness that was Strigoi.

"Well, I should be going." Alberta dipped her head at us.

"Nonsense," Abe called, stopping her retreat, "There is more than enough food for more to join." He waved her over until she conceded. Eddie brought a spare chair from another table and placed it between him and Abe at the table, forcing us all to shuffle down to fit her.

I lowered back down to my seat. With the shuffling done, Dimitri was now closer to me than before, our arms now also touching.

Adrian accepted Abe's offer as well, "Don't mind if I do." He quickly placed a small amount of food on a plate and made himself some coffee. He returned to the table, taking the empty seat at the end of the table between Lissa and I.

"Meals shared with friends are always the best, right, Janine?" Abe asked my mother, who just giggled at him. Their interactions were still just so bizarre for me to witness. "And especially when we have such happy events to celebrate, like Rose being enrolled back in classes."

A collection of gasps and congratulations came from around the table. I smiled, "What can I say? I'm just too good to be let go."

"Don't get too comfortable yet. You still need to catch up to everyone else, again." Alberta replied.

I made a face at her. She had to mention the again part. Run away once, and they never let you forget it.

"Going to have your work cut out for you, Guardian Belikov." Eddie shot me a look, "Especially if she's ever going to be able to beat me." I returned his challenging gaze.

"I can't wait to have you in classes again. They are so boring without you." Lissa's eyes widened, looking at the two teachers at the table, quickly adding, "Not that classes are boring."

"Of course not." I agreed, smirking at her. "We only ever focus on learning in classes."

"That's a lie." My mother called down the table.

Dimitri chuckled.

"Hey," I elbowed him, "I am a good student."

"When it comes to training, yes, but everything else… well." He smirked at my look of offence. The whole table laugh at me, even Alberta nodded her head in agreement.

The table settled into a comfortable flow of conversation. It almost felt like we had always been doing this.

As I finished my plate, I couldn't help but laugh at the strangeness of all of this.

"What is so funny?" Adrian poked at my arm.

I had once again pulled the focus of the table. I covered my smile, "Sorry, I was just thinking how weird this all is." I explained another laugh escaped, "I mean, last time you all gathered like this was for my funeral." As soon as the words left my mouth, a heavy atmosphere settled over the table.

Adrian threw his head back in a full laugh breaking the silence, "That was quite the event, should have heard the song Lissa chose."

"I didn't choose that." Lissa defended, "Rose wanted it. I was just following her wishes."

Dimitri side-eyed me, "You wanted that song?"

I giggled, "Are you surprised?"

After a moment of consideration, he shook his head, "No, I suppose I'm not."

I paused, a sudden thought occurring to me, "What did you bury anyway?"

"What do you mean?" Dimitri asked. His face was closed off. This was still a touchy subject for him, for all of them. But I was curious about the funeral. Not every day you can ask about your own burial, after all.

"Well, there was no body, obviously, so what did you bury?"

"Photos mainly." Lissa supplied, "Oh, and that blue shirt you liked so much."

"The one from Portland?" Lissa nodded. I let out a sigh, "I really liked that one." I took a moment to mourn my perfect blue shirt, and it was so soft. "Where did you bury it?" I asked.

"It's illegal to grave rob." Adrian teased.

I rolled my eyes, "One, it's my own grave, and two, I wasn't going to dig it up." I crossed my arms. I did consider it, but even that was too morbid for me.

"Behind the church," Lissa answered me again, I could tell she was trying to keep her voice even, but I could feel through the bond how much this pained her.

"Sorry," I looked around the table, "I was just… I don't know." The pain that showed in varying amounts on the faces of those around me made the guilt in me grow. Smooth Rose, ruin the good mood.

Dimitri laced his fingers through mine under the table, dipping his head to catch my eye. "It's fine. You can ask questions. It's just a bit hard still." his tone was even to everyone that heard him, but I could hear the slight strain. It didn't ease the guilt, but the fact he tried to caused a small smile to form on my face.

"Thanks."

Lissa, ever the social royal she is, changed the subject again, trying to lighten the mood and shift all the focus off me, "Why didn't you tell us you were visiting Adrian?"

Adrian, who had been staring at me, turned his attention to Lissa, "It was very spur of the moment. I had heard some news and wanted to tell Rose in person."

That got the attention of everyone at the table.

My head snapped, "What news?"

"Well, as you know, my father is part of the Council." He began, "There have been some discussions about you and your reverted self. They are still keeping it very hushed over in Court. Only those on the Council are meant to know."

He was acting shifty, kept rubbing the back of his neck, making me think he was nervous. I narrowed my eyes at him, "What aren't you telling me?"

He chucked, downing the rest of his coffee before answering me, "As I said, they have been discussing you, and they are asking questions. More than anyone is able to answer."

"And?"

He looked away from me, "And they are going to send someone here to," he paused, " assess you."

My breath caught in my throat. The Royal Court was sending someone here to question me. To interrogate me more like it . My hands started to shake under the table; I made them into fists, pressing my nails against my skin to help steady me. "Okay, I mean, I should have expected that,"

"Well, there's something else."

"What more could there be?" Lissa asked.

Adrian once again couldn't hold eye contact, focusing on his cup. Probably wishing it was alcohol in there instead of leftover coffee. "The person that is coming," he took a breath, then shifted his eyes back to me, "It's my great-aunt."

I stared at Adrian.

The Queen. The Queen was coming here.

People started speaking around me, but I couldn't hear them.

I just stared at Adrian, studying his expression, hoping there was something to tell me it was a lie. A poor taste joke. But he was telling the truth.

Laughter bubbled out of my mouth.

It sounded like it had when I hid in the shower, a hint of hysteria to it.

The room falling quiet again. I continued to laugh, and I couldn't hold it back.

"Rose?" Dimitri covered my still clenched fist with his hand.

I waved him off, trying to cover my face, "I'm sorry." I managed to gasp out between bouts of laughter, "It's not funny," I tried to control myself, but it only made me laugh harder, "but it is." I doubled over as I struggled to breathe against my aching ribs.

"I think she's finally cracked," Christian whispered to Lissa.

"Christian!" Lissa scolded him.

It set me off again. He was right; I have cracked.

I quickly stood from the table, covering my mouth like that could keep the laughter down, "I need a moment." I explained before practically running from the room. I ignored the calls of my name as I left the room.

I kept running until I was outside the building, rounding the corner by the back wall and away from prying eyes.

Once I was out of sight, I let the laughter take over, not trying to control it anymore. I crouched against the wall gasping for breath. Eventually, the laughter subsided for crying. It wasn't large body shaking sobs but just tears flowing freely down my cheeks.

"Roza…"

I wasn't even surprised when he crouched down next to me. Of course, Dimitri would find me. He always does when I'm at my worst. I didn't bother to try hiding from him as he gently turned me to face him.

He didn't conceal his emotions from me; he looked heartbroken as he took in my tear-stained face. The tears still slowly falling down my cheeks. I didn't think I had more to cry.

"This is it, right? Why I thought I could just go back to classes and act like nothing happened," I let out an empty laugh that sounded more like a shaky breath.

He brushed his fingers through the hair covering my face, tucking it behind my ear, "Rose, we don't know what-"

I cut him off, "Do you think they will let me say goodbye before they take me?" I asked in a broken voice.

Dimitri drew me to him, arms wrapped tightly around me, "They aren't taking you anywhere, Roza, I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

He pulled back to see my face, "I promise you, I will fight anyone that tries to take you. I told you before. I am not losing you again!" His voice was fierce, eyes ablaze. I believed he would fight until the end for me.

Abe's words from before playing through my head. I knew I had people that care for me, most of them back in that dining room. Dimitri, though, his love for me was unwavering. The lengths he would go for me were endless, as I would for him.

As long as he stayed by my side, I would get through all of this, I realised. He wanted to be by my side through all of it as well, and I just needed to let him.

A sudden burst of desire exploded in me. I wanted him. I needed him. Without overthinking it, I gripped the back of his neck and brought his lips down to mine.

I kissed him . I put everything I had into it and took everything I needed from it. Feeling his lips on mine again was like coming home.

After a second of surprise, he kissed me back.