Chapter 10

I kissed him. I put everything I had into it and took everything I needed from it. Feeling his lips on mine again was like coming home.

After a second of surprise, he kissed me back.

I wanted him closer. I wanted him to touch every part of me.

I gasped as he possessively pulled me against his body. I fit in against him perfectly. Wrapping my arms around him, I deepened the kiss. I felt weightless like everything had fallen away.

All I could focus on was the feel of him against me. Everything that was Dimitri. The smell of his aftershave, how his body felt pressed against mine, his hands in my hair and on my lower back, holding me close.

I tugged on his hair tie to loosen it, letting his short hair free so I could run my fingers through it.

It was so much like the night in the cabin—this need I had for him.

I hadn't noticed how much I truly missed his touch until this moment.

Then as suddenly as it had started, it stopped.

Dimitri drew his lips away from mine and then the rest of his body.

Everywhere he had been touching now felt cold. I could feel my lips tingling from the kiss; they were opening and closing as I tried to form words. I didn't understand. Does he not want this anymore?

Does he not want me?

His back was to me so I couldn't read his face, though, from the rise and fall of his shoulders, he was trying to catch his breath like I was.

Finally finding my voice, "Dimitri?" I called to him. His body pivoted to face me in an instant. My eyes find his kissed red lips first, then slowly working their way up to his own dark brown eyes. There were so many emotions in there that I couldn't decipher them all.

I wanted to know what had happened. Was it too soon for him after everything?

My stomach dropped. Maybe he hadn't forgiven me for what I did.

"I… I'm sorry for doing that." I had to apologise. I forced myself onto him after everything I did. Of course, he wasn't ready. I was being selfish again. "I shouldn't have…" my bottom lip trembled as I tried to get the words out, "I shouldn't have done that."

"No."

I flinched back, staring at the ground. He covered the distance between us suddenly, his hands tilting my face up to his.

"No, don't apologise." His eyes held mine. Now closer, I could better read him; there was no regret or hate in them—only love.

"Then why did you stop?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Dimitri leant forward to brush his lips against my forehead, "I didn't want to." Returning his gaze to mine, "But I shouldn't be pushing you to do something you aren't ready for."

"I don't know if you noticed, but I kind of started it."

He chuckled, "Yes, Roza, but you aren't ready."

I opened my mouth to tell him I was but realised that he might be right. I have been a dhampir again for two weeks and still had a lot to work through. The fact that he found me crouching behind a building crying after laughing like a crazy person is proof enough of that.

Even though it was right to stop, I felt disappointed. "Why can't you be one of those guys that didn't care about that kind of stuff."

"Because you deserve better than that, Rose." His thumb was stroking my cheek, "I will wait for you until you are ready; I'll be whatever you need. No matter what." He declared to me, his eyes unwavering. Leaning forward again, he presses his lips to my hair, "I love you, Roza."

A warmth spread through my body at his words; the previous hurt and worries of him rejecting me left. I wrapped my arms around his waist. He let me pull him towards me until my head was resting against his chest. I couldn't say those words back yet.

I listened to the sound of his heart beating, letting the steady beat calm me. When I felt like I was more in control of myself again, I stepped away. Wanting to be still touching him, I held his hands in mine, interlacing our fingers.

"I freaked them out, didn't I?"

He smiled, "Not at all."

I scoffed, "Lying is bad, comrade." I chewed on my lip, "I don't know what I'm going to do."

"We will figure it out together." Dimitri responded, with a squeeze of my fingers; he tugged at my hands, "but first we should go back."

Sighing dramatically, I pouted at him as he led me back to the building.

We kept our fingers laced together until we reached the entrance of the dining room. With one last squeeze, Dimitri released my hand.

Everyone was still there, scattered throughout the room. Abe, my mother and Alberta were in the corner talking. Eddie remained at the table with Christian while Adrian poured himself another coffee. Lissa was pacing the room, chewing on her thumbnail. As she spun around to stride back towards the door, she noticed us.

She let out a gasp before running towards me. I braced myself as she threw her arms around me, "Oh Rose! Are you okay?" She cried—her voice calling the attention of the others in the room.

I rubbed her back, trying to ease the anxiety that I could feel through the bond, "I'm good now. Just had a moment." She drew back from me, "Slight breakdown, but I'm okay now." I told her with a smile which she returned.

"Happens to the best of us." She joked. I knew she was thinking of her own breakdowns in the past. If anyone could understand, it was her.

"Rose, I'm sorry for-" Adrian started. I waved him off.

"I was going to find out eventually. At least this way, I can prepare myself." With Dimitri following closely behind me, I took my seat at the table again. The others following suit until we were all seated.

"I will make some calls and try to confirm it. Find out when they will be arriving." Alberta mused to herself, deep in thought.

My mother nodded her head, turning to me, "Ibrahim and I have agreed to stay until everything is taken care of."

To her surprise, I shook my head, "No, you both have already been here longer than you should have. I know that you need to get back to your charge, mom. And you," I turned to Abe, "back to whatever it is that you do." I finished lamely. I still haven't been able to get an exact answer on what Abe does for work.

My mom looked like she wanted to deny it, but I knew how seriously she took her Guardian duties. I was the same and understood that she needed to return.

Abe levelled me with his gaze, "If you are sure?"

"Absolutely," I answered. "I won't be alone, and if anything does happen, you will be the first to know." Dimitri's hand clasping mine under the table, giving me more confidence.

Abe's eyes flicked between Dimitri and me; after a second, he reclined back in his chair, giving off an air of aloof. "Very well then, we shall leave today as planned." My mother must have complete trust in Abe because she didn't press it anymore after that.

"They won't take her away, right?" Lissa voiced the same question I had asked Dimitri. Though he had promised that it wouldn't happen, it didn't stop the fear. She was the Queen. If she wanted to, she could do whatever she wanted. Dimitri wouldn't be able to stop her for long.

"No." Dimitri quickly responded.

"Belikov is right. If they were going to, I feel she would have already taken Rose." Alberta explained, "If anything, they will do some test."

"Test?" I asked, my stomach churned, "Like experiments?"

"Nothing invasive. It will be like when we first brought you here. Hold silver, check your eyes, those kinds of things."

That helped to ease my nerves, and I can do those things easily. I can even go into the sunlight, go to church-

Church.

That would be a way to show multiple people that I wasn't Strigoi anymore. Go to the service, say a little pray. Maybe even get the priest to bless me if needed.

I wasn't sure if Alberta would agree with the idea, so I decided to stay silent. I have no guardians stationed outside my room anymore, so it would be easy to sneak out and slip into a pew during the service.

I glanced across the table at Lissa. It will be like old times when I used to break the rules all the time. I looked down at my legs to hide the smile that formed at the idea. This will be fun.

Standing on the Academy private runway in the middle of human's night made me grateful I had chosen to wear the sweater now. In the open area, the wind was strong, and without the sun, there was little warmth in the air.

Abe's private jet had landed an hour ago and was now ready to take off again. I stood on the edge of the tarmac with Dimitri next to me, continuing his duties of being my guardian. Something I was sad I was going to lose come Monday.

Abe and my mother stood in front of us. She stepped towards me, holding a hand out. I rolled my eyes, lightly knocking her hand out of the way and went in for a hug. I could tell it surprised her as she hesitantly brought her hands to pat me on the back.

It was awkward but a start.

Another side effect of being dead was that I wanted to try to have a proper relationship with her, which included hugs.

Once I let go, she wore a slight smile, "Take care of yourself, and please tell me straight away if anything happens, I will be checking in." Her voice was stern, but her concern was evident in her eyes. I quickly agreed. Satisfied, she moved to thank Dimitri for his help.

Abe walked up to me expectantly. I held my hand out to him. He pulled a face at it, "That's hardly fair."

"I have only known you for two weeks."

Dipping his head at one of his guardians, they handed him a small wooden box, "Either I get a hug, or you don't get your present."

I couldn't believe he was holding gifts as a bargaining chip, "Are you serious?"

Smirking at me, he held the box in between us, "Completely."

I wanted to turn him down just to see his reaction, but I also wanted the present. Sighing, I opened my arms out to him, "Fine."

He stepped towards me then paused, "And call me dad."

"Don't push it," I warned.

"Guess you don't want this then. It's a shame because it's quite exquisite-"

I grit my teeth, "Thank you, Dad, for coming to visit me," at the smile that beamed from his face, I softened my tone, "I'm glad I finally got to meet you. You aren't too bad for an old man."

"Rose!" My mother scolded.

Abe kept beaming, "Did you hear that Janine, she called me Dad." He chuckled to himself as he finally took the hug I was offering. After a moment, he stepped back and passed me the box. "I will be back in a bit, check up on how things are," he looks pointedly at Dimitri, " progressing, here."

With that, he turned to Dimitri holding a hand out who hesitantly took it in his own, "Thank you for your help." Dimitri told him.

Abe smiled, but I could see his eyes were hard, "Of course, and I'll be sure to give your greetings to your family." His gaze shifted to me then back to Dimitri, "And speaking of family," he leant in to whisper to Dimitri.

I couldn't hear what he was saying, but I doubted it was good from how tense Dimitri's shoulders became.

Abe pulled away, finally dropping Dimitri's hand, "Be sure to keep that in mind, Belikov." Like a switch was flipped, he went back to the bright smile he had earlier. With one last goodbye, he spun on his heel and boarded his plane with my mother.

I waited for the plane to be high in the sky before asking Dimitri, cocking my head to the side, "What did he say?"

He tilted his face down to me, eyes on mine, "Just to look after you."

"He said more than that," I scoffed. I could tell he was still tense, though it had eased. "What did he threatened you or something?" His jaw clenched. I was right, "He did, didn't he! I'm going to kill him." I glared at the plane in the distance, like Abe could feel my ire from here.

"It's fine, Rose. We have an understanding," Dimitri soothed me. He spun around, striding back towards the Academy. I practically had to run to catch up with his long legs.

"And what's that?" I asked.

With a gentle smile at me, he responded, "That you are the most important thing, and we will do anything to keep you safe."

That gave me pause, my pace slowing. It was still such a foreign concept having my father in my life after knowing nothing about him for eighteen years. And now he is taking on the protective father role and threatening my would be, kind of, boyfriend.

Dimitri had come to a stop ahead of me, eyebrow raised.

It was strange, but I will admit, I enjoyed having a father that cares for me even though he was acting like a mob boss. Deciding not to push it, I let it slide. "Fine, I won't kill him." I relented catching up to Dimitri.

He chuckled but otherwise remained silent the rest of the walk back to the dorms.

Later that night in my room, I finally opened the present Abe had given me. The wooden box was handmade with intricate detail carved into the wood. The box itself would have made a beautiful present.

I lifted the latch and opened the lid to reveal a letter. Under the letter was a silver stake. The stake was beautiful, with small similar designs as the box decorating the hilt.

I opened the letter, a small card inside with two lines written in a fancy script.

Never forget the strength that you have. Happy 18th Birthday.

Love Mom and Dad

I placed the card on the bed next to me and reached for the stake. It wasn't often a novice got their own stake before becoming a Guardian, usually receiving one after they are giving their promise marks.

The metal felt solid in my hands. It was a reminder to myself, I realised, that I could hold it. I was no longer Strigoi. Holding this was proof enough. And when I needed to remind myself, I could.

I returned it to its place in the box, a custom-designed cushion that fits it perfectly. Closing the box, I placed it on the table next to my bed. Always within reach.

I realise now that, in hindsight, I should have just asked if I could go to church. As I sat crouched in a bush in a black hoodie and pants, watching Moroi and dhampir students walk past.

Though in true Rose fashion, I had realised this too late and am already in it. Too late to turn back now.

I could feel Lissa getting closer to my hiding spot, poking my head just past the bushes. I could see her, Christian and Eddie making their way to the church. Lucky for me, the area was practically empty, with most students already at the church.

I had decided that it would be easiest to sneak in with the others, and then I could also sit with them. The fact that I am hiding in a bush about to scare them is just a bonus for me.

They were almost in front of me when I jumped out. Once again hindsight, I should have known this was a bad idea. Lissa screamed, Christian shrieked, and Eddie looked ready to beat me down.

Lissa smacked my arm, "Rose!"

I couldn't help but laugh, Eddie not taking long to join, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." I turned to Christian. "Nice scream."

"Real funny." Christian scolded, "Did I mention that I didn't miss you."

"Rose, what are you doing here?" Lissa asked, glancing to my hiding spot, "And in a bush?"

"I was waiting for you," I replied innocently.

Eddie put his arm over my shoulder, "Most people don't wait for others in bushes."

I rolled my eyes, nudging him off me, "Well, I didn't want to be seen, technically not sure if I'm allowed to be here."

"Then why are you?" Christian asked though it didn't sound like he cared.

"Well, Christian," I smirked at him, "I decided to take a page out of your book and prove to people that I was not Strigoi by going to church."

Christian scoffed at me. Lissa looked unsure, "You don't have to prove anything, Rose."

"Of course I do, by now, people know I'm back, I don't know what Kirova told them, but I'm sure most of them think I was turned or something that night." When no one told me otherwise, I continued, "So if I'm going to be in classes, and with the Queen bitch coming, I need to prove to everyone that I'm just normal me."

"You were never normal, Hathaway." Eddie teased. I punched him in the shoulder.

"You didn't tell anyone that you were coming, did you?" Lissa asked again.

I bit my lip, "No."

"I think they will notice you, you know, seeing they all wait at the doors." Christian pointed out.

I waved him off, "I already thought of that," pausing for dramatic effect, I pulled my hood up over my head to cover my face, "they'll never know."

Lissa covered her mouth, trying not to laugh. Eddie chuckled, whereas Christian groaned. "You're an idiot."

Turning my nose at him, "Just you wait and see Sparky."

Lissa stepped forward, stopping us from bickering more, looping her arm through mine, "It's not your best plan, but I'm willing to try." She laughed, "But we should hurry, try to get in while surrounded by others."

All agreeing, we made our way to the church. I kept my head down and tried to not draw attention to myself. It was strange to be around this many people again. I almost forgot how loud all the students are when gathered like this.

Taking steps into the church corridor alone felt like an achievement. I knew that I wasn't going to have any reaction to it, but it's just another way of confirming to myself that I was dhampir again.

Most of the students had moved in through the main doors. There weren't as many in the hallway with us as I had hoped. To make matters worse, the two Guardians at the entrance were, of course, Dimitri and Alberta. They were turned towards each other in conversation. To all others, they look entirely focused on each other, but I knew how aware they both were of their surroundings.

Lissa, noticing them as well, pushed some encouragement through the bond. With a deep breath, we made our way to the door. Eddie using his tall form, walking between the two Guardians and me, trying to hide me from view. Even Christian appeared to be helping by covering my other side.

We were almost through the door when a hand gripped my elbow and directed me away from the entrance.

Two bodies stood in front of me, arms crossed, not looking too impressed.

I tried smiling at them, "Oh hey guys, you going to church too?" Silence. I huffed in frustration, "Come on, it's just church. Surely you won't take away my religious needs!"

"You don't have any Rose," Dimitri answered.

"I could." I counted, but he read the lie easily. Fine, time for plan B, "I have been thinking that being in church could bring me some peace, you know, give me time to reflect." I knew it was a dirty move, but I had to try.

What I hadn't counted on was that it wasn't a complete lie. I was never big into believing in God or any of that, but after what I had done as a Strigoi, maybe I needed to ask forgiveness. Maybe it could help me.

I must have put more truth into it than I had thought because both of their eyes softened. "You should have mentioned it earlier. We could have planned for this," Alberta started.

"I didn't want to be told no." I sighed. Maybe I won't be able to win against them. Resigning myself to having to return to my room, I turned to leave.

"Fine, but afterwards, stay close to Belikov. The students haven't been exactly told what happened, and I can only imagine how they will react when they see you." Alberta caved.

I couldn't believe that she had agreed. I beamed at her, "Really?"

Nodding her head, "Yes, now go, it'll start soon."

"Don't have to tell me twice. Well, I guess you do, but... bye!" I raced back over to Lissa, who had been standing at the door waiting.

We took a seat in the last pew to not bring too much attention to us. When Dimitri decided to sit next to me rather than stand, that pulled some eyes. Lissa made me take off my hood once we sat down, claiming it was rude, so there was nothing to hide that it was me. No one said anything outright, but slowly a murmur had spread throughout the church.

Rose Hathaway was back.

There was a combination of expressions, most shocked, some happy, but some looked afraid. It made me wonder what people had said about my sudden disappearance. They had a funeral for me, and I was like a ghost coming back from the dead.

Trying my best to ignore them, I focused on just the fact that I was here—the big man's house, where I could get his forgiveness. I am a firm believer that no matter how hard I try, I would never be forgiven for all the lives I took, all of those that were affected by what I did in those two months I was part of the living dead club.

I think that I will marvel every day at just the fact that Dimitri has forgiven me. The others I had killed were for food. They were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Dimitri was different.

I enjoyed myself when I had him captive. I couldn't help but wonder if when I smiled, did he see me or did he see the Strigoi me.

Part of my way of torturing him was acting like my usual self. I would say something or act in a manner I knew he recognised. I could see it in his eyes. For a second, he would believe it was me again. And then I would destroy it.

"Rose." Dimitri's deep voice called to me.

I didn't realise my hands were shaking until Dimitri and Lissa both took one in hand. Together they pried my fist open, my fingernails coming away bloody. I could now feel the sting of the cuts in my palms.

"I didn't realise," I whispered, barely loud enough to be heard.

"It's okay, Rose," Lissa soothed me as she examined my bloodied palm. It wasn't a lot, but it was noticeable. I tried to pull them away, to hide what I did, but they held firm. Lissa rested her fingers on the cuts. Before I could tell her no, she used spirit to heal me.

A burst of warmth and light flowed through the bond and my own body. It always gave me a sense of awe, feeling her magic when she healed. When she pulled back, my palms were unblemished again. I glanced up to her, "Thank you." I whispered, trying to show my gratefulness through my smile.

She nodded back then returned her attention to the priest's sermon as if nothing had happened.

I felt relief, she didn't ask what I was thinking about or why I did it, and I didn't want to talk about it. She released my hand but kept hers close, just in case she needed to stop me again.

Dimitri kept ahold of me, though. Peeking up at him out of the corner of my eye, he stared straight ahead, though something told me he was upset. Despite being in a church full of people, he never let go.

The sermon was coming to an end, or at least I hoped it was. I did not miss how the priest would drag it out, all the words blending together to the point that it had become white noise.

Movement out of the corner of my eye drew my attention. Alberta was bent over whispering in Dimitri's ear. His face was blank, but the tightening of his hand on mine told me it wasn't good news. He nodded at her, then leant to me, "Grab Lissa, we need to go outside."

I wanted to ask what had happened, but a look in his eye kept me silent. Instead, I got Lissa's attention, and the two of us followed Dimitri. He led us out into the hallway and then outside of the church. Alberta was standing there with five other guardians that I didn't recognise.

They stood still like statues; the way they held themselves, I could tell they were seasoned guardians, trained in the art of badass. Not someone I would want to mess with.

Dimitri came to a stop next to Alberta. His shoulders were tense like he was ready to spring at any moment. "Is this necessary." He asked, eyeing the five men before him.

"That's her?" The man in front of the group asked—the leader.

A chill ran down my spine when I realised he was looking at me. They were looking for me.

That's when it clicked. These guardians work for the Queen.

The Queen was here.