Sarah was busily putting away books from the trip to their old mansion. The old run-down home on the cliff by the sea held secrets in every corner, but it was too hard for their family to live there. Memories haunted the immortals, though for different reasons. Sarah sighed, looking at her husband as he watched over Mack's studies.
Kaim was haunted by what used to be there. The life he shared with Sarah and Lirum.
Sarah was haunted by what she couldn't remember. Why couldn't she recall anything that happened within those many halls? Why did Kaim pick up that purple journal of hers with such a somber expression? Did she once share with him the contents of that journal? She stared at the books in front of her. She had read them all after she had lost her memory and the only thing she could pull up, the only feeling she could muster, was a chilling sadness. Sadness that she could only read about her adventures with her husband, but not actually remember them happening.
She knew that she enjoyed her time with Kaim, and knew in her heart that she loved him, but after he would fall asleep at night she was left wondering why she felt that way. When was the moment she knew he was the man she had loved? She wrote it in her journal, yes, but suspected that she had fallen for her fellow immortal beforehand. When would that connection return? Did Gongora really break her so badly that their history would never come back to her memory? Was she left to try and fill that gaping blackness, only to never succeed?
After the mad magician was defeated, and during the first few months after, she wasn't bothered about her memory loss. It was only after noticing Kaim was ready to jump back into what they had before that made her pause. During their journey there was always the threat of their enemy on their minds, and their grandchildren to worry about. There wasn't time for awkwardness and fumbled routine; but now that their crisis was over, how could she jump back into something she couldn't remember? Every time Kaim moved to do something for her, or initiate a touch, she jumped. He would hesitate, but Sarah, not wanting him to feel guilty, forced herself to return the gestures. There was familiarity in his hand, but no recollection of the warmth of the past hundreds of years, and it left her feeling empty inside. She would squeeze her eyes shut at night and hope that something would come in the morning, only to be left hollow when she would awake.
How long should she try to remember? Another century or two? Another thousand years? The thought made her ache. She could feel the anxiety of that wait creep into her spine, curving and constricting around her muscles. She craved for any memory, however small, to just show up. Nothing ever did, and it left her sleepless.
How long could this last?
. . .
"From what I read, she really liked gardening with me when she was young."
Kaim paused in tiling, looking over at Sarah. Her mouth was twisted, and her eyes cast aside as she held a little tomato plant in her hand. He could tell that she was getting lost in her confusion, trying to remember what wasn't there, and he hated seeing that. He set the hoe on the ground, resting a hand to Sarah's shoulder. The weight seemed to drag her down, and soon he had an arm wrapped around her trying to hold her up. "Oh, Kaim! Every moment I feel like I'm reminded that I'm incomplete."
"You're not."
"But I am!"
Sarah jerked away from him, setting the small plant onto the ground before pulling her knees to her chest. Kaim masked the hurt he felt from the rejection with a quick sigh, and waited for Sarah to look at him. She always did, even if it took some time. "I'm sorry." She still wasn't facing him, though her shoulders shook. "I'm such a mess."
"It'll come back."
"And what if it doesn't?" Kaim felt his heart tear in two when she finally did turn. Tears drifted down her cheeks, and she wasn't looking for comfort as she flinched away from his hands. "What if I'm stuck here, forever? Lost in this…world! I can't remember how we met, but I've read it like a book! All my journals tell me of these grand adventures, but nothing gives me that feeling—the feeling that I experienced it!" Sarah wiped at her eyes. Dirt smearing on top of her cheeks.
Kaim just gently wiped them away. "I know it's not easy to wait."
"He's robbed me of my life, Kaim!" Sarah shook his hand away, placing her own clasped tightly down on her lap. She let her tears flow. "The nostalgia you experience kills me, Kaim. I want to remember what it was like working a garden with our daughter! I want to remember everything. It's not fair."
Kaim risked enveloping her into a hug. She almost seemed to protest, but gave in as a sob broke through her lips. "I want to remember her. To remember Lirum. I can't believe I don't have these memories, something so precious to me…to us."
"I understand." When Sarah gave him a little scoff muffled into his chest, he shook his head. "You forget that Gongora took away my memories, also. I may have them back, but believe me. I know what it's like to be lost in a fog."
Sarah sniffed. It took her a minute, but she was nodding her head. "I'm sorry."
"It's alright."
"It's not."
"Okay." Kaim pressed a kiss to a newly fallen tear. She seemed to blush, sometimes not expecting the affection he gave her. "It's not alright, but it'll get better. Please give it time. I know it's not what you want to hear, but don't forget we are also making new memories. Ones that even he can't take away. Not now. Not ever."
Sarah's shoulders lifted, and she sat a little straighter. Sometimes he needed that reminder too. It was too easy to dwell into the past. The long black darkness was finally edging away from Kaim, and he forgets that it wasn't leaving Sarah. She was lost and he realized that sometimes he could be a little inconsiderate of that; especially in his touches and conversations. He looked at her, a tiny smile from her lifting him up as he smudged the dirt from her cheek. "Sarah—"
He didn't have any time for any more words to be said as their two grandchildren ran at them from the other side of the field. "Kaaaiiim! Mack tackled me to the ground!"
"Sarah, Cooke said to do it!"
They smiled together as their grandchildren bickered, then finally distracted their argument by helping in their vegetable garden.
. . .
Two years after Seth and Gongora passed through the mirrors, Kaim woke up from a dream. His eyes fluttered open to see the warmth of a new day shine through his window. The dream he had was dark, war driven, but even more than just a story playing out as his mind drifted. It was a memory. He blinked in the morning, letting his body adjust to the feeling of daylight.
It was after he stretched, that he realized something. He felt different. Lighter than he had in the longest of times. He sat still, focusing on himself for a moment. There wasn't anything abnormal in the way he felt physically, but it was still there. Like he was complete. Like something that draped itself heavily around his being had been lifted by a breeze.
He carefully turned to look over at his sleeping wife. Sarah's face was scrunched up in sleep, and he had to be careful not to laugh. It was always like he remembered it. He reached out and, with a steady hand, set a lock of her hair back behind her ear. The slight movement caused her to stir. When her eyes finally focused on his, he could see a darkness in them before she realized just who she was sleeping next to. While the unrecognized way she looked at him always hurt just a little, Kaim knew it wasn't her fault. Instead he welcomed her with a smile. "Good morning."
"Morning." Sarah smiled shyly. Even after two years she was still a little uncertain about herself. He felt a longing in his heart for the way things used to be. "Sleep okay?"
"Good." Kaim hesitated before saying. "Actually, I feel…different."
"Good different?" Sarah snuggled into her pillow a little more. Kaim watched mouth edging into a smile.
"I think." Kaim didn't finish his thought. He knew how sensitive she was to anything that reminded her that she was missing a part of herself. He didn't love her any less for not remembering anything in their past lives, but he didn't want to be that reminder to her. "Lighter, maybe."
"Maybe…something you…ate." Sarah was already snoozing, and the chuckle bloomed out naturally from his chest. Even though she couldn't remember, things were still surprisingly the same. They were making new memories together, and he found that Sarah's true self was slowly shining through. Her stubbornness, her drive, her excitement; they were returning in little bits, and it gave Kaim hope.
Just as he finally feels like Gongora's hold, the last of his lost memories, have flooded back to him during the night; he wished the same would happen to his darling, snoring, wife.
. . .
Sarah was teaching Cooke all she could know about sailing when the first painful migraine attacked. It left her staggering, eyes screwed shut. She gasped for breath, struggling with the little effort it took. She held one hand to her eyes, the other broke her fall to the floor.
"Kaim! Kaim!"
Sarah kept her eyes shut and held hands over her ears as the sounds assaulted her senses. The amount of pain that was coursing behind her eyelids made her wish for death. When strong arms lifted her into the air, she had to take all her willpower not to gag. She hardly ever felt nauseous, and it was a startling feeling. She felt herself being set down onto the softness of a mattress, not daring to open herself up to the light.
"Sarah?"
"I'm going to be—" But before she could finish she was retching over the side of the bed.
She opened her eyes for a moment to see Kaim's concerned ones looking back. "Sorry," came the muttering apology. She closed her eyes again, feeling a heaving sensation rake over her body. She gasped as the chilling wave of nausea swept through her, making her sweat. She pulled her glasses from her face, and Kaim gently took them from her.
"Just lay down."
Sarah did as she was told, leaning over the bed in case she felt the need to vomit again. She could hear Kaim's footsteps getting farther away, Cooke's voice trailing, "is she okay? I've never seen Sarah get sick."
"She'll be okay. Go grab the bucket and fill it with water, please."
Sarah gasped when Kaim's cool fingers tilted her face up. She dared to open her eyes, knowing the light was just going to hurt again. Instead of her stomach rolling though, she felt a warm floating feeling. It took her a second to realize that Kaim was using white magic. "I know…it drains you. You don't have to—"
"Ah, I don't, but I am." Kaim smoothed his thumbs across her cheeks, catching a tear that strayed from her eyes. The circling motion allowed Sarah to relax into the cure. After a minute she could finally open her eyes fully. The rolling in her stomach softened to a gentle rumble; and though the pain behind her eyelids still lingered, she was starting to feel almost all the way better. She accepted the white magic into her body, feeling the strain in her head lesson. "That's better. I'm going to grab your night dress. I don't think you should move much."
Sarah watched as her husband moved away from her and out of the door. She was not in their bedroom, instead being lain in their guest room. She felt suddenly tired, and soon felt her eyelids droop into nothingness.
. . .
Sarah had been laid out for two days. She was eating light, and drinking some, and Kaim was only a little worried about her. It was enough worry, though, to fetch a doctor from Numara.
"Nothing seems abnormal, Mr. Argonar." Kaim shook the doctor's hand. "Let her rest. It sounds like just a migraine. A bad one, but not deathly."
"Thank you," Kaim said, walking the man to the door. He watched as the man walked through the yard, ruffling Mack's hair as he passed by the young boy.
Mack ran up to his immortal grandfather. "Sarah's going to be okay?" He crossed his arms behind his head. "I mean, I know she'll be okay eventually, right?"
Kaim smiled down at his grandson. Mack was the softer of his two grandchildren. While Cooke brought out the feistiness, Mack brought the mellowness. He usually kept a cool head about everything. That is until his sister picked on him for one reason or another. Kaim dipped his head once. "Sarah will be just fine. She just needs a little rest."
.
Kaim was just bringing breakfast, when Sarah stirred from their bed. She had been moved away from the guestroom back into their room so that she could draw the dark curtains tight. The one thing about moving all the way to Numara was that the sun never seemed to get lost behind the clouds. He set the tray down, and caressed his wife's cheek. "Good morning."
"Morning." Sarah smiled, a little strained, but it was genuine. This was the fifth day that she had been out, and Kaim grew worried still the more the days wore on.
Kaim helped her sit up and managed to get her to eat toast before she threw it back up. "Ugh."
"It's okay. Water?"
She took a few sips, and rubbed her eyes. "This reminds me of the time we were in Oyora."
"That first trip was rough," he agreed, taking the glass and setting it back onto the nightstand.
"I threw up all over the floor." Sarah rubbed her stomach. Kaim smiled at the memory despite the mess it made. "That's the first time I ever felt sick. Actually, I think it was the first time I ever threw up! Centuries before I realized the misery of it all."
Kaim stared at Sarah, eyes widening a little. The way she was talking, it sounded like she was pulling this event from her memory, not just a book or journal. "And poor you, having to clean it up. And I never did really apologize for it. I'm sorry. Better late than never, right?" She smiled up at him. Her pale lips stretching thin.
Kaim blinked a few times before replying, "It's alright. How are you feeling?"
"Like I was hit in the face with a very large stone. But better, now that you mention it." She eyed the food that sat on the plate beside her. "Can I try the toast again?"
. . .
Sarah was finally out of bed the seventh day. She jumped right back into life, checking her garden, teaching Cooke about sailing, making sure Mack didn't skip out on his lessons with Kaim, and practicing her magic.
Before she realized it the clock on the wall was striking four. "Have I eaten today?"
"Nope." Cooke smiled up at her grandmother. "Just means you're back to normal right?"
"Don't tell Kaim. He'll kill me. He always hated when I forgot to eat." Sarah clicked her tongue and let Cooke away from the books while she started on dinner.
As she cut the potatoes, her teenaged charge came back into the room. "Need any help?"
"Fill up the big pot, would you? Just like your mother," Sarah said, with a smile. "Always asking to do something. I remember her wanting to help with everything! There was a time we burned two pots of rice because she was so eager to help out with cooking and we got so distracted!"
"I won't get distracted!"
"Well, it was mostly me getting distracted. Okay, Cooke! Just make sure I don't start looking around for things to do!" Sarah laughed. "Be my reminder!"
"Aye, aye!" Cooke said with a little salute. Together they peeled and cut the potatoes, Sarah telling old stories of Lirum as a child.
Sarah laughed as they placed the cut spuds into the pot. "And Lirum cried and cried! Oh! She just couldn't keep her fingers away from anything."
"Who?"
Kaim and Mack walked through the back door. Kaim kissed Sarah's cheek as he walked passed to get to the cupboards. "Your mother. She always had a hand in trying to cook, sew, and even learn magic! Somehow it would seem that magic skipped a generation." She gave her grandson a wink. "She couldn't procure a spell to save a snail!"
The children laughed, but Sarah caught Kaim mid grab of a jar. He was wild eyed staring at her, and it was a little unnerving. She paused in her cutting of carrots and felt a blush rise to her cheeks. "K-Kaim is something the matter?"
That seemed to snap him out. He shook his head. "No. Sorry. Go on."
"Kaim you're so weird!" Cooke suddenly clapped, and Sarah jumped. "You, too, grandma! Chop, chop!"
The immortal woman laughed and let it go.
. . .
Kaim watched as Sarah slept. She was snoring softly, one strand of hair blowing in and out with her breath. Today she was so very talkative, and it wasn't exactly normal. She usually did talk, and Kaim knew she could talk an ear off, but it was different today.
It was as if she was speaking from recollections. Pulling them from her mind and not a journal that lay open or on her shelf. Could she be remembering her past? How could they really know for certain? He watched her sleep for a moment more before letting his own eyes close.
. . .
Sarah saw the boat burning beside her, and yet had no urge to douse the flames. Instead she watched as she lifted her hands to her face.
They were covered in blood.
Panicking, she looked down her front. She saw more crimson, but no wounds. She twisted around, eyes wide and searching. Where was she? Why was she here? There wasn't else on the boat, but why was she covered in blood? Her eyes were captured by the flames which seemed to only be growing and consuming everything around her.
"Sa…Sarah." She gasped at the sound. He sounded so hurt, wet, and in pain. Where was his voice coming from? She turned around, and there he suddenly lay. Her husband, her Kaim, lay on the boat riddled with bullet wounds. The world seemed to collapse as she too fell to her knees.
She found herself leaning over him, at a loss and words failing her.
His lips were moving. "Remove…remove."
She was hit with sudden sense of déjà vu. "Remove the bullets," she said.
Sarah reached over to touch him, but the world went black, swallowing up the dying immortal man with it. She found herself screaming his name, begging him to come back. "Don't leave me alone! Please!"
She screamed and reached out into the darkness until her voice went hoarse and there came to be a violent shaking underneath her. It shook and shook, and then suddenly there he was. Kaim was over her, unharmed. His eyes were wide, his mouth was open in mid-sentence, and Sarah pulled herself out of her blanket, sat forward, and crushed his body with her own. "K-Kaim!" she whispered, throat raw.
"A nightmare?"
"Don't leave me." Sarah sniffled and brought one hand to her eyes and she nestled her chin into the crease of his neck. She felt the wail start in the pit of her stomach, but stamped it out. "Don't leave me again, please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't save you!"
She felt Kaim rub a soothing circle into her back. It helped her calm down, just like it always did in the past. She sniffed again and lifted her head off him. She pulled open his shirt and lay hands on his chest. The bullet holes would have healed by now, but there were still scars that drew the dots like a map. Thinking about it, she could have sworn she could still feel the sticky, warm liquid, and her fingers digging into his wounds. She gasped as the feeling hit her again, and fresh tears ran down her cheeks. "I-I remember."
Kaim looked down at her just as she finally moved her head to look into his eyes. "I remember, and not just reading it. Kaim, you died."
"I know. But I came back."
"I can't stop thinking about it." Sarah lifted her hands. "I pulled out those bullets one by one, but you still died."
"It's fortunate we are not mortal." Kaim was trying to make light of the situation and Sarah remembered how he always tried to bring laughter into her sorrow. This time around it just made her cry harder. She dropped her head, hoping he wouldn't have to see her cry, but he always knew when she needed him to fold himself around her. She wrapped her arms around him the best she could and continued to shed tears into his nightshirt. "What else can you remember?"
"How cold it was after you found me near Gohtza—I never wrote about that. About the time Lirum stubbed her pinky toe when she was four, and broke the poor nail clean off. I remember all the words to that damn song we heard in Uhra three hundred years ago. I…I think it's starting to come back. Everything I lost, just not everything at once." Sarah lifted her head up suddenly. She quickly pressed her lips against Kaim's throat, and felt his gentle gasp at the intimate touch. Her cheeks were rosy as she whispered, "that time I accidently missed your mouth and found that you like it when I kiss you right here—" Kaim laughed when she kissed him there again.
He brought his hands to her cheeks and lips moved over hers. She recalled how much she loved the feeling; and when she nipped his lower lip, laughed at the way Kaim pulled away. "I'm sorry! I forgot how much you don't like biting!"
She laughed aloud when his fingers attacked the sides of her ribs, and gasped when his hands found her skin underneath her nightshirt. She enjoyed remembering how much she missed this.