Yeah, if I could go back to the day we met
I probably would just stay in bed
You run your mouth all over town
And this one goes out to the sound
Of breaking glass on my Range Rover
Pay me back or bitch, it's over
All the presents I would send
Fuck my friends behind my shoulder
Next time I'mma stay asleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep, oh
If you asked Massie for a list of her lifelong regrets, it would look something like this:
Letting Alicia's cousin Nina into her friend group/mind for a split second. She was out of season faster than Coach.
Being so mean to Claire. She doesn't regret it currently, seeing how Claire acted at Alicia's wedding, but she always felt so bad...until then. Everyone finally saw Claire as the social-ladder climbing snake she always had been, it just took longer than she wanted for people to see through the act.
Playing so many toxic games with Derrington. Maybe if she didn't, she wouldn't be in the position she currently was in. She knew she loved him from such a young age, she should've just capitalized and made things work rather than push him away and try finding love in other douchebags.
Ever getting involved with Tristan. His pretty face wasn't and still isn't worth his bad attitude, rotten demeanor, horrible treatment to Massie and his god awful poor social skills.
Currently, though, she was telling her contractor that her biggest regret was leaving the popcorn ceiling and dark blue walls up in her office. Standing with her arms crossed over her baby blue natori silk cami-clad chest, she watched as the contractor's staff were taking measurements around her office. Her cami was tucked into a tweed-print fringe linen mini skirt, and she had a black faux fur trimmed cardigan over her shoulders.
Massie tapped the toe of her white Alexander Wang pumps against the tiled floors, listening as the contractor Andrew drawled on and on about why she should be more picky with the infrastructure right now and not the decorative details.
"You want picky? Okay. I want unfinished french oak flooring, I want my desk to be elevated on a platform, and I want a safe built into the flooring in the back right corner of the room. I want three of the walls to be painted Behr Pink Mirage, and the wall behind my desk to be Air Castle. I want thick white crown molding, white storage cabinets built into the walls and frosted french doors to hide them with a white trim as well. I want cameras in every inch of this room, a cathedral ceiling and I wanted this yesterday."
"Alright, ma'am."
"So get to work."
She had decided last night that she was going to redo her office, and let Tristan sweat it out for a bit first. Massie didn't tell her father or Tristan, just had the contractors show up the next morning. She wasn't going to be direct - yet, that would wait until he was ready to crack and she could make him shatter as a whole.
Massie had the utilities team remove all of the furniture and put it into storage for the company in the basement. Let some other sad sack of a human being decide they want that desk. Not that there was anything wrong with it really, but it was now soiled in her mind and she refused to see past that.
Besides, Mary at The Pottery Barn was having new furniture delivered next week for Massie's new office and she decided she was going to do things her way for a change. No more letting her father make her decisions, no more letting Tristan think he made them for her. It was hers, and no one could stop her.
Of course, it was only convenient that William and Tristan were out on a business trip and wouldn't return until tuesday. This gave Massie some time to relax and unwind and do things the way she wanted with no interruptions and no remarks from unwanted solicitors.
Shaking the contractor's hand, Massie dismissed him as her iPhone buzzed in her hand. Without looking at the caller ID, she immediately answered the call blindly.
"Hello?"
"Hard at work at the office Mass?"
"Ugh, you could say that. The contractor just left, he said there should be no problem with this being ready and usable by monday but I'm getting a tension headache."
"You need to relax for the week, babe. Your dad's gone, so is Tristan. You can take some time off, you know."
"I don't even know how to do that, Der." Massie let out a long sigh, shaking her head and rubbing at her temples. "I think I'm going to head home and try to nap it off though. If not, a sumatriptan will do the work for me."
"Have you been sleeping?" Derrick asked, his voice dripping with concern so much so that it made Massie's insides warm up almost immediately.
"No." She answered honestly because at this rate, she had nothing to hide from Derrick Harrington. He knew her deepest and darkest secrets from the age of ten, he was her rock right now and she knew he'd always protect her regardless of the situation.
"I have two meetings, one weekly debriefing with my company then I have to be at Manhattanville by 1, so after that I'll come over okay?" Derrick took a sip of his hot pike place coffee from Starbucks his assistant had dropped off ten minutes ago as he gathered his papers for the meeting down the hall.
"Yeah, that's fine. I'll probably be….well, you know."
"I know. I'll text you, I'm going to the board room right now."
"Kay."
"Mass?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you. We're going to get through this, I promise."
"I hope you're right."
Massie blew out a puff of smoke from her juul, tossing it onto her nightstand and taking delight in the soft thump it made. She only used it during emergencies - or what she considered emergencies to consist of. Currently she had a dab cartridge in it, so each puff was helping her relax further and further but she couldn't shake her now migraine still.
Her white pumps were laying down sideways on her fluffy cream colored carpet, and her thin body was being swallowed by her fuzzy blankets and pillows she definitely didn't need but was thankful to have when she needed to feel comfort on her own.
Her hair was pulled into a messy bun on the top of her head, her chef had made her some green smoothie filled to the brim with ingredients she thought would cure her headache and mild depression, but for some reason Massie couldn't stand to look at it.
The brunette had only one other option to relax, and that was by using the pills Tristan had gotten his doctor-brother to write for her during her intense bouts of anxiety attacks two years ago. She had sworn off of them because she hated feeling so dependent on medication, but the more she stared at the small orange and white bottle, the more she was ready to cave.
A knock at her bedroom door shook her out of her thoughts. She shot her head to the tv she had on mute that displayed '3:22 PM' on the screen and raised an eyebrow. What a random time for visitors, she thought to herself as she attempted to stand. Massie's eyes were glazed back, her balance was off due to the weed cartridges. Her outfit currently consisted of an old long sleeve shirt that had Derrick's high school soccer number on it and a pair of lululemon black yoga pants with a tall pair of fuzzy socks.
Stumbling to her bedroom door in confusion because she was told she had the house to herself until Tuesday when her father and Tristan returned from their business trip while Kendra has been in Connecticut at art exhibits until next Sunday. Massie hesitantly opened her bedroom door but blew out a sigh of relief when she saw Derrick standing there holding his blazer over his shoulder.
"Who did you think was coming for you, the boogeyman?"
"It is Westchester after all, the wicked witch is bound to show her face at some point."
"Oh Massie, don't talk about your mother like that," Derrick scolded, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her lips before coming inside.
After he came in and she shut the door, he set his blazer and shoes by her desk. Taking off his rolex and sitting it on the desktop while Massie got comfortable once again in her california king bed, he soon followed her to the bed but before he climbed in two things caught his attention.
The first was the pill bottle sitting on her nightstand. He picked it up before she could protest, and stared at the writing until it all blended together in his line of sight. He turned to look at her, and saw how glossy and glazed her eyes were. Lifting the juul and taking a hit of it, he coughed and tossed it back down before giving Massie a look.
"What the fuck, Mass?"
"I've been stressed."
"And this is how you're coping?"
"I haven't been able to sleep in a week. I sleep like two hours, then spend the rest of the night tossing and turning and praying it'll be morning."
"Mass, what's with the ativan? How did you even get these?" Derrick's voice raised higher with every word, shaking the prescription bottle for emphasis. This was the Derrick that old Massie always hated, she always felt like he was being a second father to her instead of a boyfriend and some things don't change.
"They're prescription."
"Who the fuck prescribed you it Massie? Who in their right mind would give you this?! This isn't what you need for anxiety, it's just forming dependencies for you!"
"Dr. Montgomery." Massie winced a little at the sound, anticipating the meltdown that was going to happen now.
"His fuckin' brother is prescribing you drugs?! What a gem, babe, really."
"He hasn't in a while! These are from, like, a year or two ago, Derrick."
"Doesn't matter! They're clearly still in your mindset if you kept them!"
"Derrick, don't give me this attitude when you have absolutely no clue what I went through ALONE the past two years at least!"
"No, I don't, but I'm trying to do everything in my power to change it and you're sitting here swallowing Lorazepam?!"
"Shut up! Shhhh! No one else needs to hear us, dad."
"Don't dad me, Massie, when I'm the only one who is trying to help you here."
"Oh my god, how offensive!"
"You know, I really can see why no one has ever tried. You're impossible when you think you're right, or when you're high."
Massie blinked once, twice, three times and assumed he was going to leave. Instead, he took off his belt and laid it on her desk chair before moving towards the bed and climbing into bed with her. She shifted over, giving Derrick more room as he got comfortable under her comforter and blankets. Derrick wrapped his toned arms around her small frame, pulling her closer as her hazy mindset got the best of her.
"I'm not going to give up on you, Mass, but you have got to let go of those things. For your own safety. What if he came in here right now while you're high as a kite? Do you think he'd take care of you? Watch out for you? Or would he use you in your altered state of mind?" Derrick asked softly into her left ear, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead and leaning back against her pillows.
"I know, I know. I just...Derrick I need to relax a little, you said it on the phone earlier. I haven't slept in so long I'm going crazy. I have migraines every day and they're driving me out of my mind. I don't even remember what it was like to have a good day or a good night's sleep anymore."
"You're also starving yourself with all this slimy green crap, that isn't going to help you either."
"I know."
"C'mere, let's lay down alright? I'll make a real dinner for you later. For now, let's try to get you to sleep a little."
That day, Massie slept through dinner, through dessert, and through a midnight snack. Derrick being there and holding her throughout the night gave Massie the comfort she so severely lacked so that she was finally able to sleep peacefully for one night. It was about eight in the morning when she finally awoke, yawning and rubbing her eyes before looking around in confusion because she couldn't remember what happened the night before to get her so calm and sleepy.
Looking around in confusion, the first thing she noticed was Derrick's sleepy eyes staring down at her. Massie blushed, knowing how un-put together she must look right now and buried her head back into her comforter and pillows.
"Hey, don't do that." His groggy morning voice kicked in, and he took the comforter off of her face and cupped her chin in his hand. "You're always so beautiful to me, this is the Massie I love best. How did you sleep?"
"I slept the best I have since...I don't even remember, to be honest. I think I really need you here, Derrick. I don't have my sanity or clarity when I'm not with you. You put me at peace, I rest with you, it's something that feels so familiar and warm and just comforting all in one."
"I'm glad to hear that, I really am. I'm happy I can give you all that."
"Can we stay at your place the rest of the week? I don't want to be here, it just...I don't feel safe here anymore." She whispered, blinking the sleep out of her eyes.
"I actually had something better planned before your high pain-in-the-ass ruined it last night. We can do that, though, if you'd rather."
"I don't need anything fancy. I just want a few nights in your arms, that's all. As many as I can get before people start getting suspicious."
"In that case, pack your bags, madame."
Massie smiled brightly up at him, feeling rested for the first time in over a year. Her head felt clear and light, there was no pressure or weight on her shoulders or in her stomach. She felt like she was finally free, finally happy to be herself and not worry or doubt what's in her own heart. Nodding, Massie climbed out of bed in excitement after kissing his lips gently and went into her walk-in closet to grab a few of her duffels.