Chapter 13

Air rushed past me as I pushed myself to run faster. My legs pumping faster as I focused on my breathing, keeping it even. The chilled air from recent rain made my lungs burn. This was my fifth lap. I was starting to feel the burn but kept going. I wanted to do at least ten laps today.

The two months break from training had affected how far my body could go, and I needed to retrain it. I had only managed to get out to run three times since coming back, and my first day running had quickly turned depressing with how quickly I was out of breath.

Today I was starting my daily training with Dimitri again to catch up on what I had missed, and I needed to push myself even more.

I wasn't able to get any gym time in this last week since gaining permission to leave my room, so today will truly be the start of it all again, and I couldn't be happier.

While I didn't know how to deal with the guilt that churns inside me every day, I do know how to train. Focusing on just controlling my body to be stronger and to fight was second nature to me. This, I can do.

My future as Lissa's guardian may be uncertain, but I knew I would be a guardian no matter what. Knowing what I did now, the want to stop Strigois was stronger. I wanted to protect the people I love from ever becoming what I was. To protect others from that fate.

I've encouraged Dimitri to challenge me, test my limits, and make me the best guardian I could be.

A large grin spread over my face, the thought of Dimitri and what we did last night putting an extra bounce in my step. He had snuck out of my room a couple of hours before the sunset, claiming that we still needed to keep a low profile. Being seen coming out of the same room in the morning would not be the best.

All we did was make out, and we didn't try for more. I still wasn't ready for sex. Even just making out held some difficulties for me. I would have a flashback and freeze up. But Dimitri just kissed away the fears and kept me in the moment with him.

Last night, while amazing, would be a rare event until I graduate. I may be of legal age, but he was still my teacher, and with the warning from the Queen to behave, I wasn't willing to take any risk.

I was so amped up from everything that had happened, I couldn't sleep so I decided to come out early and run before meeting with Dimitri to train in the gym.

The idea of us both training together again sends a warmth through my body. Us getting sweaty, maybe him taking off his shirt. Chest heaving from exhaustion. Maybe even—

My imagination was interrupted by a tug on my shoe, the speed I was going made it impossible to correct my footing. With just enough time to cover my face with my arms, I collided with the ground, sliding along the grass.

That fucking hurt .

Slowly I lifted myself into a seated position. Nothing felt broken, bone wise at least; the palm of my hands and the skin down to my elbows was scratched up. And if going off the stinging I was feeling, my knees were the same under my leggings. Not like I needed that layer of skin anyway. I let out a groan at the sight of my oversized shirt and pants, both covered in mud and grass stains.

I tried to figure out what happened. I had felt a tug, I must have tripped over something. I searched the ground around me, there was nothing. Not even a root or a dip in the ground that my foot could have caught on.

"Rose?"

I groaned. Of course, he shows up after I've eaten dirt, not before when I speeding around the track.

I flipped my hair over my shoulder to peer up at Dimitri. The remaining rays of the sunset framed his body like he was a god encased in light, showing off his tight shirt and pants that hugged his muscles leaving little to the imagination. I may have drooled a little.

Hopefully, not looking as stupid as I felt, I tried to sound casual, "Oh, hey, comrade."

He raised his eyebrow at me, "Why are you on the ground?"

"Oh, this," I gestured to myself, wincing from the movement, "Just taking a break."

"Really?" He stared me down.

I huffed, "Fine. I tripped."

Dimitri glanced around the track, his expression blank, but I could tell he was holding back a laugh. Bastard . "What did you trip on?"

I pointed at the grass, "Obviously, there is a loose root… or something." He smirked, so I flipped him off, "Shut up."

His smirk dropped, seeing the skin of my arm. In a blink of an eye, he was down next to me, inspecting the cuts. "You're bleeding." stating the obvious.

"Yeah, I need to stop doing that." I let out a hiss as he poked at it, "And after Lissa already healed me twice yesterday." I mused out loud. She was going to freak out when she saw me.

Dimitri paused his ministrations. A look in his eye told me he was overthinking, "Have you been feeling any effect from that?"

It took me a second to realise he was talking about the side effect Lissa gets from using too much spirit, "You mean have I been taking any darkness from her?" I confirmed, he nodded. I considered it, trying to sense any emotions that weren't mine. "I'm not sure," I finally responded, "With everything else, I probably wouldn't notice if I did. I need to stop letting her heal me every time."

Dimitri agreed with me, still, that look in his eyes. "You need to stop getting injured." He told me, voice thick with concern. His face from church flashing in my mind, it pained him seeing me hurt, whether it's caused by me or someone else.

I tried to ease his worries, "Technically, yesterday wasn't my fault." His eyes narrowed, "...one of them anyway. It is my goal not to be injured again any time soon. This doesn't count." I smiled at him reaching my hand up.

Not responding, he gingerly gripped my arm where I was unharmed and hulled me up to my feet.

The cuts and scratches were minor, barely even bleeding; the stinging had subsided. I tried to rub the dirt off me but only achieved smudging it.

Dimitri laughed, quickly cutting it off when I snapped my eyes to him, "What's so funny?"

He raised his hand as if to touch my face but dropped his arm back to his side. For a second, I had held my breath, waiting for him to touch me. Instead, he gestured for me to follow him to the gym. With a pout, I followed.

Once we made it inside the gym, he waved at the small bathroom, throwing me a towel from his bag, "Clean yourself up a bit." Disappearing into the office at the back of the gym. I stuck my tongue out at him because I'm an adult, then proceeded to the bathroom.

Looking in the mirror, I can understand why he was laughing. The rain had made the ground muddy, which in turn made me look like a street urchin. My forehead and cheek were smudged, not to mention the rest of me.

I cleaned up as best as I could. The clothes may be a lost cause. I need to go shopping, Lissa will love that.

Now with the dirt gone, the scratches on my arm looked better. I was happy about that. With my second counselling session today, I didn't want Deirdre questioning me about them. While yes, I have had some moments , I wasn't suicidal. It took me some time, but I remember now how much I love being alive.

I bounced back into the gym, ready to get started. Dimitri had punching mitts and a kicking pad laid out along with some hand wraps, in his hands a bottle of antiseptic.

I cringed, "I'm good. I have already cleaned them."

He gestured at me to stand in front of him, unscrewing the cap and tipping it against a cotton pad, "Humour me."

I would like to say I did not whine like a child as he pressed the pad to my skin, and I refused to acknowledge his eye roll at my dramatics. Why did this hurt more than being cut with a silver stake?

I let him clean my scratches until he was happy, I wasn't the best patient, but at least I didn't slap his hand away like I wanted to.

"There, that wasn't so bad, was it."

"Speak for yourself," I muttered back, shaking my hand like it would stop the stinging.

I took the hand wrappings and prepared my hands. Dimitri explained what he wanted me to do and readied himself with the punch mitts first, starting with punches and then moving onto kicks. No sparring today, it seemed, there go my hopes of a sweaty, shirtless Dimitri.

We easily settled back into our roles of student and mentor, like no time had passed since our last training session together. My low stamina, though, was a big giveaway that it had. I wasn't too bad compared to some other novices, but for me, it wasn't great.

Dimitri kept me going until I was dripping sweat on the gym floor. I could already tell my muscles will be screaming tomorrow. "Not bad." He nodded to himself, returning the equipment to their place in the storage room.

I was bent over, resting my hands on my knees as I gained back my breath, "Not bad?" I would have laughed if I had the breath, "That was terrible." I cried. Giving up on standing, I collapse onto the training mat spreading out my limbs.

He stood over me, a smile on his face as he gazed down at me, "It was." I half-heartedly tried to kick him, but my leg refused to move far, chuckling; he sat down next to me, "This afternoon could be better."

"No can do. I have a meeting with the devil this afternoon." At Dimitri's perplexed look, I explained, "Counselling."

"I'm sure it isn't that bad." He pulled out his hair tie, letting his hair fall, brushing against his shoulders. My fingers itched to run through the loose strands.

"Have you had to go before?"

"Yes."

I levelled my gaze at him, "And did you like it?" He tilted his head down. "Exactly."

He reclined back until he rested on his elbows, crossing his long legs over at the ankle. His hand grazing my arm, his touch sending sparks through me. "It does help, though." He amended after a second, "If you let it."

I knew he was right, and my issue is I'm bad at letting others help me. I didn't have much of anyone after my mother dropped me off at this school. I quickly learnt to not rely on anyone but myself. I've known Lissa since we were young, but she always had her family, until the car accident. Then I had to stay strong for her, take care of her.

I got so used to it that I stopped letting Lissa in on everything, mine and Dimitri's relationship being a big secret that I never shared. And then how the darkness from her using spirit would affect me.

When Dimitri came along, able to read me so easily, he became someone I could readily rely on, and he always came through for me or at least would try.

He made me realise that letting others in, accepting that help from them can be more beneficial than not. But the habit was still hard to break.

"We should get going. Alto has a class in here soon." Dimitri raised to his feet, movements so gracefully it was like watching a dance whenever he moved.

I sighed, getting up myself, with much less grace, "I have to move all my stuff over anyway." I stretched out my arms, feeling how sore they were, "I feel like my arms are going to fall off." I whined.

I reached for my gym bag only for it to be snatched up by Dimitri, throwing both mine and his over his shoulder. "Let me shower, and I'll help you move."

My eyes lit up, happy to have a reason to spend more time with him, "You know just the words to make a girl swoon, comrade."

Mistakenly, I assumed I didn't have much stuff. I was wrong. Why I thought I could do all of this by myself, I don't know. Luckily Dimitri had offered to help; we had already made three trips and still had one more to do. The weight of the boxes wasn't so bad. It was the long trek between the guest quarters and the Dhampir dorm that was the worst part.

To add to my stress, every student we passed stared at me. The Queen's story of me being held captive by Strigois while I was missing had spread around the Academy quickly, as all rumours about me seemed to.

Lissa had been experiencing students coming up to her all morning asking questions about it. Where were they keeping me? How did they find me? Why did they say I died at the attack? And so on. She kept repeating that she didn't know; the guardians never told her the specifics, to make them stop asking.

That was the big hole in Tatiana's cover story, and there was a lot of specifics that we didn't have. I was dreading them asking me because I didn't know what to make up.

As the day progressed, Dimitri and I were moving the last two boxes, it just happened to be lunchtime, meaning more students were around the dorms than earlier. Most would just openly stare, whispering to each other. But some decided to be brave.

"Everyone said you were dead." A novice stood in front of me, making me stop. I couldn't remember his name but knew he was in the year below me.

I shifted the box in my arms, glancing over my shoulder to Dimitri in the distance. He had stopped to speak with another guardian as we were leaving the dorms. I looked back at the novice, noticing a few more joining him, all expecting answers.

I huffed a breath, "Well, as you can see, I'm still kicking."

"How did you even get out?" Another asked.

"How did the guardians even find you?" Questions kept following.

I was starting to feel anxious; I fumbled with my words, trying to come up with a good lie, "Well, you see…."

"Did they feed off you?"

My breathing hitched, panic building.

"That is all restricted information. None of which you need to know." Dimitri's deep voice called from behind me. He used his guardian voice, leaving no room for argument. If others didn't surround us, I would kiss him right now.

None of the students tried to argue against the word of Dimitri; everyone worshipped and feared him. Most scattered away, leaving only two, a Moroi girl and the novice that first asked a question.

There was a glint in the girl's eye that I did not like, almost reminding me of how Mia used to look at me. She was tall and petite, like other Moroi. Even I could admit she was pretty. She flipped her long black hair over her shoulder, turning her attention to Dimitri. Suddenly she appeared sweet and innocent. "Hi Guardian Belikov, I hope you are doing well today."

Yep, I hated her.

Dimitri dipped his head at her, "I'm fine, thank you, Anastasia."

Anastasia giggled, lightly dragging a hand down his arm, "How many times do I have to tell you to call me Ana."

While I realise that Dimitri was just being polite to the other student, the fact he knew her name brought jealousy to the surface. I did not like the way she was smiling at him. I hated the way she touched him.

I did not hide my disdain, "Mind moving out of the way, kind of in the middle of something here," I spoke, an edge to my voice. I shifted the box again and let out a sigh, so they knew they were wasting my time. Dimitri side-eyed me, but I ignored him.

Without waiting for a reply, I kept walking, not caring if they moved in time. If I hit them accidentally, it was their own fault for standing in the middle of the path.

"See you later, Guardian Belikov," Anastasia's sickly sweet voice called from behind us. I quickened my pace to be far away from her.

Alberta decided to give me back my old room, which made things easy, seeing I knew exactly where to go. It was like returning home being in this room again.

I dropped the box on the ground by my closet. I internally groaned at the idea of having to unpack everything. Dimitri entered not long after me, being more gentle with the placement of his box.

He turned to me, arms crossed, raising his eyebrow, "What was that about?"

I gave him an innocent look, "What do you mean?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose, "Nevermind, I have to go to a meeting soon, will you be okay?"

"I can take care of myself." I was being bratty. But my annoyance at the girl hadn't left my system.

" Rose ," Dimitri implored me. I faced him completely.

I flushed, feeling ashamed of myself. I knew I had nothing to be jealous of with Dimitri, "Sorry," I was having a good day, and now I was just ruining it, "I'll be okay. Are you working the guard shift tonight?" I asked, hoping that there was a chance I could see him after my counselling session.

Catching on, he gave me a sad smile, "I am," He sounded as disappointed as I felt, "I will see you tomorrow morning." With my door closed, he stepped towards me, pulling me into his arms.

I tilted my head up to catch his lips with mine. It was chaste but still made my knees go weak. I wanted to stay in his arms longer, pouting when he drew back.

"See you tomorrow."

I gave him a small wave, watching him leave my room.

After last night nothing was going to feel good enough. I just wanted more.

Just three more months, and then we can be together . He had whispered that in my ear last night in the middle of kisses. The memory making me shiver. Soon we will have everything we wanted, achieve the promise he gave me before my life turned completely upsidedown.

I ran through the Academy grounds for the Administration building, students and teachers stopping to watch me go. No doubt wondering what would make the once dead girl run through the school.

I had lost track of time trying to organise my room, leaving it in more of a mess than when I had started. And so now I am running to make it on time to my counselling session. This was the first official one, not the greatest impression to show up late.

Despite a few teachers and staff ordering me to slow down, I managed to make it to Deirdre's office exactly on time.

I threw open the door without knocking, trying to catch my breath.

"Ahh, Miss Hathaway, always making an entrance."

My eyes flicked up, Deirdre and Alberta stood watching me. "Guardian Petrov, I didn't know you were going to be here."

"I was informing Deirdre of the current situation," Alberta explained.

The Queen had ordered for all who know the true story of my absence to be warned what would happen if it was revealed. No doubt, if someone did, there would be a one-way ticket to Court with not much luck of leaving. No one went against a Queen's order.

"I mean if technically I'm not allowed to talk about it anymore there's not much point to this. I can just leave -"

"Nice try," Alberta admonished me, "Deirdre has special permission from the Queen to continue these sessions. Everything you discuss will stay in this room. Have fun, you two." With that, Alberta left, closing the door behind her leaving me with said counsellor.

She smiled at me, taking a seat in her chair and adjusting her floral skirt, "Shall we begin."