Sorry for the long hiatus, I always say I'm back but busy life! I can't believe I've been writing this since July and it's already December. I hope everyone is having happy holidays!

Chapter 39. Knitting

"Draco," Severus sneered, wincing as he sat back in his desk chair, a tumbler of whiskey in his hand. The blond cautiously approached him, taking a seat in the chair opposite the professor and balancing his elbows on his knees. Draco let out a throaty groan as his face seemed to melt into his palms. "What do you need?" Severus asked finally, acknowledging Draco's obvious distress.

The blond sat up in his chair and sighed dramatically. "My father and I just met with-" Draco hesitated, giving the room a paranoid glance before leaning in a bit more. "With the Dark Lord," he finished. Draco waved his hands about his face in frustration as he searched for words. "He is getting so-"

"Impatient?" Severus interrupted knowingly, taking the last swig of his drink and slamming it down on the desk harder than he had intended. Having just had a very similar encounter with the childish dictator, Severus knew exactly what kind of mood the Dark Lord was in.

"He wants me to find a way to get Death Eaters into the castle as soon as bloody possible," the blond winged. Severus rolled his eyes and stood, a twinge in his back as he did. It was as though the weeks that Hermione had been away were ageing him, though he suspected it was more likely a result of the growing pressure from his looming task. Either way, he figured he ought to get a more comfortable chair before he broke his back altogether.

"Then we shall find one," Severus resigned, resting his forehead against the cool wood of his bookshelf. Every day he looked at their spines and thought of her, locked in a cabin with nothing but books and her cat to keep her company. With another deep exhale, he turned around to face the boy and squared his jaw. "You said you had a plan, earlier this year, something to do with the Room of Requirements."

"Yes, but it won't work, I've been trying to fix it for months and everything dies the moment it passes through," Draco lamented, burying his face in his hands once more. The boy began to shiver, but Severus easily suppressed the urge to comfort him. He'd grown conflicted of his feelings towards the boy. Draco was his godson, but he was also vying for the same girl. While Severus was winning, as it were, he felt bad about what the boy was going through even though there was an edge of jealousy cutting at every sympathy he had. Draco may not be the man that Hermione loved, but he was publically the boy she was supposedly with. He was far more socially acceptable for the witch than Severus ever could be and that uncontrollable factor gnawed at him constantly.

"Show me," Severus commanded.

-x-

Hermione sat across his lap, her nose buried in a book as he played with her curls. He peaked at her over the pages of his own novel and watched as her brows furrowed and her eyes flicked with every sentence she digested. He noted how her nose scrunched when she read something awkward, or how she bit her lip when the words leapt off the page and touched her heart. He hadn't even acknowledged a single paragraph of his own book as he took in the sight of Hermione Granger's exquisite nature. She wore a white jumper that exposed just a touch of her collarbone, with the same pair of jeans she seemed to don all the time.

"You're staring at me," she commented, drawing his attention back to her eyes which twinkled in the flickering light of the fireplace. Though her gaze never lifted from the pages in her grasp, he could feel her assessing him.

"I was, I suppose," he admitted, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lip. The witch shut her book and placed it on the coffee table in front of the couch and leaned into him, nuzzling her shoulder under his arm. He rested his cheek on the hair he'd been playing with and released a content sight. The wind whistled through the gaps in the castle windows, making the dying winter storm known to the couple.

"Do you think we'll survive this?" She whispered after the silence had drudged on long enough. "The war. Do you think we'll survive the war?" Hermione repeated, sitting up a little straighter to look at him. He saw her pleading eyes beg him for an answer as if he knew any better than she did. Severus wanted to give her hope, some comfort that there would be a future for them, but as he looked deeper into her brown irises, he felt his heart constrict.

"There is nothing I want more in the world, Hermione," he breathed. She opened her mouth to protest, to ask for a better answer, but no words left her lips.

Draco let out a strangled laugh that shook Severus from his reverie, shifting his focus to the boy. The tweeting of a bird filled the room as the two looked down at the budgie hopping out on the shelf of the vanishing cabinet. It took a moment for it to register exactly what it was the two had just accomplished, but soon, Severus joined in with a barking laugh.

"You've done it!" Severus exclaimed, pulling his godson into a hug which the boy heartily returned. After a moment, the two parted, coughing and straightening their posture. "Well done, Draco," the older wizard applauded in a much more subdued manner.

"It wouldn't have been possible without your help, sir," the blond acknowledged. The two departed the Room of Requirements in silence, stalking back to Snape's office. Severus poured the boy a cup of tea before helping himself to a tumbler of whiskey. "How is Granger doing?" Draco asked after a pregnant pause, and Severus placed his glass down.

"Last I saw her was in April, your guess is as good as mine, Draco," Severus confessed, his heart aching at their last memory. He quickly supressed the imagine of her head rolling back in pleasure and righted his focus.

"She doesn't know about this- about me- you killing Dumbledore," Draco sputtered, but Severus kept his eyes trained on the wall beside the boy's head. The topic had been one he worked daily to ignore. He was lying to his witch, keeping something from her he knew would absolutely destroy her.

"No, she doesn't," Severus confirmed, sinking into his seat and sipping at his drink. The burn stung his throat on the way down but did nothing to loosen the grip around his heart.

"She doesn't even know that-"

"No, and you aren't supposed to know either," the professor interjected, shooting the boy a glare. They'd had this exact discussion far too many times for Draco to continue on his crusade to win over Hermione with the truth.

"People can tell, you know." Severus groaned at the boy's repetitive words. "They can tell something's wrong. He's losing his spark, he's preoccupied. He's always off with precious Potter instead of here, keeping his students safe," Draco listed in a cutting tone.

"People may see these things, but as far as it concerns the Headmaster, no one knows he's dying." Severus had noticed the whispers and the glances at their deteriorating Headmaster. His hand was getting worse and as the curse made its way to his heart, Severus knew the frailty would only worsen. He hated the man for being stupid enough to wear the ring in the first place, but even more for placing him in his position. He knew the elder wizard was dying, and yet the thought of killing him weighed heavier on his heart as the time drew nearer.

"I can't keep lying to her, it's breaking me apart," the younger wizard announced for the hundredth time. "How have you gone so long without telling her?" Draco's question drew the professor from his self pity and he shook his head.

"I have never dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul, Draco," Severus lamented as the image of his Hermione danced into his head for the countless time. "I have learned to live with the fact that I am a liar and that all will hate me, in the end, even her." Although he had yet to break his distant stare, he felt his godson eyeing him as they sat in silence for another moment.

"I want to tell her, I- she's my friend. I want to tell her we're doing this," Draco breathed after a while. He wanted to sound confident, determined, the lingering tone of doubt laced his words. Something that Severus had felt many times in his thirty-seven years on earth.

"You, unlike me, are not bound to secrecy Draco, you have that choice," Severus offered, hoping that perhaps the boy might tell her. It would be freeing to no longer fear her finding out, to have the weight of lies pressing on his shoulders. She would hate him, surely, but at least she would know before it would happen, she would expect it. Instead of finding out after it happened from her friends.

"Severus Snape killed Dumbledore, he's working for Voldemort can't you see?" Harry would proclaim, finally validated of his hatred for the man.

"He wouldn't, he's a good man! He's done nothing but protect you, Harry!" Hermione would protest, tears streaming down her face as she knew that he wasn't lying. Part of her knew that Severus had actually done it. She wanted to believe that he didn't want to, that it was at the command of the Dark Lord and he had no choice but part of her would doubt it. There would be a voice screaming in her head that he didn't tell her, he didn't warn her. He had lied to her about that much, so what was to keep him from lying more? Had he been using her this whole time?

The image of Hermione's devastation broke his heart, but he buried deep down and steadied himself.

"But what will she think of you," Draco asked wearily.

"What she will think of me regardless," Severus paused, the reality hitting him in the gut. "That I am not the man she thought I was."

-x-

The spring air was getting hotter even though the rain seemed unrelenting as June drew near. It'd been two months since he had banished Hermione to the cabin with the McGonagall's and he was certain she was just as anxious as he was to have her back at Hogwarts. It'd been nearly as long since he'd last seen her. Dumbledore kept him as occupied as Riddle had been, both tyrants blasting him with demands and instructions.

"Severus," Dumbledore greeted dryly as the Potions master strode into his office. With his mental shields strengthened, the younger wizard stared into the Headmaster's eyes with intent. The twinkle was vanishing with the wizard's strength, but it was still there as he sat across from the older man.

"Miss Granger would want to be back for her exams," he stated, clenching his jaw and cocking a brow. He refused to exchange pleasantries with the man who would make him a murderer. Severus' disheartening has grown to bitterness as the time drew closer, and nothing but the wild hair and sparkling eyes of his witch would calm him.

"Yes, I believe she would," Dumbledore agreed. Severus had been prepared for a fight, so he took a moment to bring himself back from his combative mood and centre himself.

"I believe, sir, that the Dark Lord is sufficiently distracted from his failed attempt at murdering the witch as the year-end approaches, and I have prepared Draco with the necessary..." Severus paused. "Skills, to allow for the coming events to transpire."

"So, Severus, you are saying that you believe it is safe for Miss Granger to return?" The older wizard confirmed.

"I believe that would be wise, sir," Severus agreed, allowing his heart to flutter just a bit at the thought of her return.

"Then you shall go retrieve her, bring her here for the beginning of June so she may study with the rest of the students," Dumbledore ordered. This was the first order of many that had Severus pleased to oblige.

-x-

He apparated to the city closest to the cottage and was determined to walk from there to avoid suspicion. It was a leisurely stroll through a dense forest that still managed to carry light between its foliage. Scotland was warming up as the summer solecist drew near, so Severus had traded his normal robes for a button-up shirt and lighter, cotton trousers.

When he reached the cottage, he was shocked to find the door open. Fearing the worst, his heart started to pound in his ears as he ran the rest of the way, swinging into the doorway. His hand was gripped on his wand as he pointed it into the home. Hermione jumped at his sudden entrance and folded a bundle of pink into her lap as she clutched her chest and steadied her breathing.

"You scared the shit out of me, Severus, don't do that," her gasped demand with a cracked smile made him slink into the cottage a bit further. He was careful to look around, in case he hadn't caused undue worry.

"The door was open, I-" he tried to explain, looking back to her as she sat up a bit straighter. It'd be months since he saw her, and as he took in her beauty, the sheer amount of time he'd been apart from her hit him hard. She was swollen around her abdomen, having started her second trimester, and she was glowing. Her hair was longer than it had been and far tamer. It lay in loose curls on her shoulders and barely touched the top of her breasts which had also grown just a bit. She wore a grey shirt that only clung a bit around her stomach and a pair of plaid pyjama bottoms.

"So you thought you'd barge in and frighten me?" Her question drew him from his examination and he looked into her glittering brown eyes.

"I needed to make sure you were safe," he breathed, a grin tugging at his lips as he moved closer. Leaning against the wall, he watched her, glancing down at the pile of pink yarn in her lap. "You're knitting," he observed.

"Yes, I read a couple books that knitting helps calm people down. Muriel taught me how," Hermione explained in her charming know-it-all way that had begun to grow on him. "I have a lot of time on my hands."

"That you spend knitting," he quipped.

"And reading," she added with a head nod and a shrug. He grinned at the statement, having been well aware of the amount of time she would be spending reading. Even if she hadn't been trapped in the middle of the countryside, he didn't doubt she would have had a book in her hands at all hours.

The witch began knitting again, drawing his attention back to the activity. It hit him quickly that the colour might not just pertain to something she thought was pretty. "It's pink," he noted out loud, feeling his pulse quicken once more.

"Yes, it is," she confirmed.

"Is it for our…" Severus wanted to ask, part of him still didn't believe that it was happening. There was a reservation in his heart that even if he were the biological parent of their child, she would hate him eventually and he'd never get to be a father. He wanted to be a father, but he didn't want his child growing up knowing their father killed the leader of the light.

"Daughter, yes," she answered and all his worries melted in an instant. Our daughter, the hope sprang from beneath the doubt with the very thought of her.

"We're having a girl?" His voice caught in his throat. The wizard pressed the excitement down hard but it burst forward and he rushed to her side, kneeling on the floor by her feet.

"Yes, we just found out," she smiled as she gingerly placed a hand on her stomach. The bump was slightly more prominent than he thought it'd been before as she brought attention to it and his heart skipped in his chest. The wizard wanted to wrap his arms around her in a powerful embrace, but he managed to contain himself and simply lean over and press his ear to her growing belly.

"My daughter," he whispered, holding her abdomen and closing his eyes, fighting back tears. It's real, he determined, hushing the voices that screamed in his head every time he thought of her. Hermione was carrying his daughter, their daughter. She loved him and trusted him, unlike anyone ever had.

"Our daughter," she corrected jokingly, as she ran her fingers through his hair. The sensation of their closeness, the warmth that filled his core, hurt more than Lily leaving ever had. This hurt, however, was brilliant. Agonizing love for the girl he held in his grasp and their child.

As he came down from the high of it all, he ran over her words and caught on to a small word she'd mentioned. "You said we just found out?" He questioned, emphasizing the word that caught his particular attention.

"Muriel knew I was pregnant from the moment I got here," Hermione explained, her voice dropping. He sat up and took up the spot next to her, eyeing her cautiously. "She was kind, helped me get a bit more organized. She has one son who is in his thirties, but she'd always wanted another. She treats me like the daughter she never had, which is nice, since..." The witch sighed, biting her lip. "Since my parents can't know- not yet anyway."

"Oh," Severus paused, watching the girl's face melt from excitement to a gloom that had been waiting just below the surface. He wrapped his arm around her gingerly and pulled her in for a hug, feeling her nuzzle into him and grab a hold of his shirt to keep him close. "Minerva knows you're pregnant," he confessed, feeling her muscles twitch with a wince. "Poppy had to tell your Head of House, but she is under the impression that the child is Draco's."

"So that's why he's been able to visit me," she noted off-handedly, but her comment made him tense.

"He's been visiting you?" Severus questioned, thinking back to the times he'd met with the boy and not once had he mentioned seeing Hermione. The older wizard hadn't thought to snoop around the boy's memories, knowing he would likely push him out regardless.

"You didn't know?" Hermione asked genuinely, tilting her neck to look up at him. He released his grip on her a bit and she sat up once more to meet his eye-level.

"No, I didn't." Severus gritted his teeth to keep from letting his jealousy seep out.

"I thought he'd ask your permission, he's just been giving me my homework and helping me study, nothing nefarious," she offered. It wasn't her seeing Draco that worried him. It was the fact that the boy had been lying to him and getting away with it for months. Minerva had said nothing, Dumbledore. No one had thought to mention that Draco was able to sneak off and see Hermione without even the slight consideration that it might result in her discovery. Given Minerva was likely hoping to spare his feelings, having left him to grieve the supposed loss of his love to another.

He silenced his internal tirade, knowing Hermione was not the one to blame and didn't deserve to be on the receiving end of his frustration. "I don't doubt you Hermione," he whispered, placing a kiss on her forehead. "Regardless, I am here to bring you back to Hogwarts. Dumbledore and I have agreed that it is safe enough for you to make the trip home. You are up to date on your coursework, thanks to Malfoy I suppose, so you will be able to sit your exams as usual. So long as that is all right with you, of course," he pivoted.

She didn't jump for joy as he'd expected, instead, she gave him a small smile and nuzzled herself into his chest once more. "I'm just glad I get to see you more," she whispered. "My parents?" The question took him by surprise and he straightened, thinking of the journey he'd made to bring her parents to another continent. The mode of muggle transport and the time he spent getting there and back took up an entire weekend. He'd spent the subsequent weekend preparing their home to look as though they had gone to America on vacation should anyone choose to investigate.

"I moved them to Australia, in case word made its way to prying ears that they were in Sweden," he explained, feeling her relax just a bit. He was happy to be able to comfort her, even if it was after far too long apart.

"Thank you," she paused, chewing on her bottom lip and mindlessly drawing circles on her abdomen. "And they don't know anything?"

"They only know that they are there for their own safety," he assured her.

"Thank you, Severus," she breathed, looking up at him and placing a soft kiss on his lips.

"Anything for my family." The smile his words elicited made his heart warm. The witch straightened her posture and continued knitting the pink blanket. Severus watched, stroking her curls as they relaxed as though they were a perfectly normal family. He wanted this to be it. He wanted this to be the end of their story, comfortable and sweet. The war that was coming would surely be a strain on everything, not to mention the impending murder of her adored Headmaster. It was then that the desire to tell her grew and his throat tightened at the thought of breaking his vow.

"So are you my boyfriend?" Hermione asked after a while, pulling him from his spiral. He winced at the term and felt a true pang of disgust, but she looked up at the pause and laughed at his expression.

"It's an awful term, absolutely not," he answered. "You are my love and I am yours, no titles until there's a proper ring on your finger." The confession took him by surprise. He hadn't wanted to mention that he was thinking about their future. He didn't want to get her hopes up only to break her. The excitement of their love was already too much, and he was only making it worse by giving her promises she would no longer want him to keep.

"Will there be? A proper ring, that is," she asked sheepishly, looking down at their hands intertwined. He sighed, having already dug himself into a hole, he wrapped an arm around her and kissed her forehead.

"Absolutely," he answered, picturing the moment she finds out what he's done. "The moment this war is over and I have the chance to come up with a respectable proposal, you will receive a ring and everything else you deserve." The image of her heart breaking, tears running down her cheeks when she realizes the truth. "You are my love and the mother of my child, you're stuck with me for a very long time," he continued the lie. The story he was telling himself to get through it all. She didn't need to hear it like he did. She deserved the truth, not a fairy tale.

"As long as I'll have you, you mean," she teased, but the truth of her statement cut him deeply.

"As long as you'll have me," he repeated.