Chapter 15

Eddie was crouched before me. We circled each other, waiting for the other one to make the first move. He smirked. He came at me, going low for my side. I blocked him, bringing my knee up. He danced out of reach, crouching back down, looking for an opening.

Stan stood to the side, arms crossed, watching me closely. It was my first day back at classes; if I thought the stares I received yesterday were a lot, I was not prepared for today. It was like when Lissa and I had been brought back after running away, but worse. I could handle attention, but a part of me felt suffocated under the constant feeling of eyes on me.

No one had been willing to spar with me; they only wanted to ask questions that I couldn't answer. Luckily for me, Eddie stepped up to the plate and became my sparring partner. We were meant to be changing partners after each fight, but for once, Stan wasn't being a complete dick and didn't mention anything about us staying paired throughout the class. I felt my hackles rise with Stan's glare constantly following me. He knew the truth, and no doubt, is watching for anything that is cause for concern.

It made me hold back. It made me nervous. I didn't attack with the usual fierceness that I used to, worried that I may come off as too violent. I didn't want anyone to see my passion for fighting in my eyes and think that I'm out for blood.

So I was letting Eddie win, taking more hits than I usually would have. At first, he thought he was just that good, but I can tell he was starting to catch on. Now he was keeping back and waiting for me to attack first, trying to lure me out.

I lunged forward, kicking high; it was sloppy. Eddie was able to read my movement and easily avoid me.

"Come on, Hathaway!" Stan yelled from the side. He probably also realised I was holding back.

Eddie chuckled, "I was expecting a bit more of a fight here." He kept trying to break my control. Bring out the fighter in me. I was reaching my breaking point.

It wasn't like I enjoyed looking weak; I hated holding myself back. But there was still that voice in the back of my head, telling me that they were just looking for any excuse to claim that Lissa didn't restore me completely.

Some novices snickered to themselves behind me. Others were starting to watch. All were saying the same thing— Rose Hathaway has become weak.

I wanted to prove them wrong.

Having enough, I moved forward again, following what I had been taught, not telegraphing my movements, so Eddie was unprepared. I uppercut, hitting Eddie in his solar plexus, using his loss of balance to my advantage, I knocked his legs out from under him. I was on top and about to slap his chest, "staking" him and ending the fight.

But as I hovered over him, my mind flashed back no longer in the gym, but in a dirty and dark alley. It wasn't Eddie under me but a girl, eyes wide open in fear, blood running from a bite on her neck. I killed her.

I was knocked onto my back, a hand slapping down on my chest.

I snapped back to reality. Eddie was now on top of me. He was studying me, eyes concerned.

"Pay attention next time, Hathaway. That's enough for today, everyone. Pack up!" Stan marched away from us, yelling orders at other students as he went.

"Rose?" Eddie called my name. He grabbed ahold of my hand and hauled me up to my feet. "Are you okay?"

I realised my breath had picked up in speed. I shook my head, trying to get a grip, "Yeah, just tired." I hoped he would buy it and not push. The image of the girl was so vivid, and I could almost taste her blood on my tongue. My stomach churned.

I spun away from him and rushed to the bathroom. Luckily most of the other students had already left the gym, so there was no one there. I went to the first toilet and threw up in the bowl.

Slowly I made my way to the sink washing my face and mouth. I stared at myself in the mirror; my skin was pale and clammy— great way to start the school day .

Training with Dimitri hadn't brought any memories up to the surface, though, maybe because he kept beating me each time we sparred in this morning's session. Dimitri has been the one ending up on top each time. It made me shiver, thinking of what I would see if I was on top of him. Would I see a random victim, or would I see an image of him dead under me?

I splashed more water on my face trying to rid the image from my mind. I had to go to my next class, Weight Training and Conditioning , and I can't have a breakdown right now. With that resolve, I left the bathroom back out to the gym.

I shouldn't be surprised by now, but walking back into the gym, I let out a small gasp. There standing with Eddie is Dimitri. I felt my body flush with shame. How long has he been here?

Noticing my presence, both dhampirs looked up at me, both concerned. I suddenly felt irritated.

"Are you okay, Rose?" Eddie asked, taking a step towards me.

I rolled my eyes, "I just had to use the bathroom. Is that such a crime now?" I stepped around them avoiding eye contact, heading for the side of the gym, gathering up my bag from the ground. My eyes widened, seeing a corner of paper poking out the top. It was another note.

Shoving the paper further into my bag, I swung it over my shoulder, trying to look nonchalant.

Eddie rubbed the back of his neck, shooting Dimitri a look, "Well, I'm going to leave her to you." He grabbed his bag, sending me a two-finger wave and exiting the gym heading to our next class.

Once again, I was stuck between two different emotions while being alone with Dimitri, this time excitement and apprehension. I had seen him that morning and would again in the afternoon for our training sessions; anytime I could see him was like a moment of fresh air. He calmed me in a way no one else could. But then I remember what he may have witnessed and was not looking forward to explaining it.

Maybe I'm lucky, and he didn't see anything.

"Why were you holding back?"

Fuck .

I huffed a breath, "You saw all of that, huh?" I pulled at the end of my ponytail, twirling the hair around my finger.

"Are you scared to fight?" Dimitri asked, studying my face, "If it's too much for you, then maybe you shouldn't be in combat classes yet."

I threw my hands out, "No!" I pleaded with him, "I want to be in classes; I'm just getting used to everything again. Please."

"What happened at the end there? You were winning, but then you froze." He took a step closer to me, his eyes pleading with me to tell him the truth.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I wasn't talking to Dimitri, my mentor anymore; I was talking to Dimitri, my lover. I dropped my bag on the gym mat and sat next to it, bringing my legs up to lean my elbows on them.

"I don't know why but seeing Eddie on the ground like that reminded me..." I explained in a small voice, trailing off, unable to say it out loud.

Dimitri crouched in front of me, hands clasped in front of him, "Reminded you?" He tilted his head. I could see the moment he realised what I meant, his eyes widening for a second before he hid it. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

Disappointment flicked over his face, followed by understanding. "Okay."

I reached forward and laid my hand on his, taking the risk, needing to touch him. He curled his fingers around mine, "At least, not yet," I tried to explain, "I know I need to talk about it, but… I'm not ready yet." I bit my lip, trying to will back the tears threatening to fall.

He ran his thumb over my knuckles, giving me what comfort he could, "I understand. I can wait until you are ready, Roza."

The sound of the gym door opening made us recoil back from each other, Dimitri now standing back at his full height, gave me a warm smile, "See you at training."

I returned his smile, pushing myself up off the ground, "Looking forward to it."

I exited the gym. Rather than going to the next class, I instead ran to the side of the building. Making sure no one was in the area, I pulled out the paper from my bag. It was another folded piece; opening it I felt my stomach drop.

In the same writing as the other, another message threatening me.

Everyone might just think you are a bloodwhore, but I know what you really are!

You have blood on your hands. You won't be safe for long.

My eyes flicked between the two choices, chocolate doughnut or strawberry doughnut, hand hovering above them.

"If you don't choose one, I'm going to take them both," Eddie warned me, standing beside me holding his food tray. I glared at him, taking both of the doughnuts and placing them on my tray. "Hey, not fair!"

"That's what you get for rushing me." I smiled sweetly, leaving him and wandering over to our usual table. Lissa and Christian were already seated, a girl between them. Once closer, I realised it was Sara Hanbridge, a Moroi girl I had shared some classes with. She was quiet but nice when I had spoken to her in the past. I sat across from Lissa, greeted with a smile.

"Rose, you remember Sara, right?"

I nodded, taking a bite from my doughnut. I wasn't feeling like making small talk, using food as an excuse not to speak.

"I will get revenge on you, Hathaway," Eddie grumbled, setting his tray down. I glanced at it and laughed. He ended up having to settle for a sad-looking piece of apple pie.

Lissa led the conversation at the table; I'm only half paying attention. Across the room, I notice Anastasia. A scowl settled on my face. Her eyes locked on mine, turning her nose up at me.

"You are back for like two days, and you have already made an enemy," Eddie commented, noticing my glaring.

I continued to stare her down until she finally turns away. Lissa glanced behind her and sighs. "Really, Rose?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "She started it." I lied. I could feel through the bond that Lissa knew that too.

Lissa rolled her eyes, changing the subject, "Did you want to watch a movie with Sara and me tonight, Rose?"

"I wish," I sighed, "I have so much to study, I have to take that test for Moroi Culture 4 next week, so I can actually graduate." Part of the deal with Alberta was me receiving at least a passing grade in all my classes. Anything that was guardian focused I had no doubt I can do; it's my other classes. I've never been great at studying. Dying did not change that.

"Oh, how about I help you study then?" Lissa offered, turning to Sara, "You don't mind, do you?"

Sara shook her head slightly, pushing up her wire-rimmed glasses, "That's actually my f-favourite class."

Lissa smiles, sending a burst of happiness through the bond, "That's perfect. What do you think, Rose?"

She was looking at me expectantly, practically jumping in her seat. I swear no one could be as excited to study as Lissa. "Sounds great. I can meet you at the Library after training with Dimitri." I offered, my mood lifting due to the joy I could feel from Lissa. I shifted my attention to Sara, smiling at her, "Thanks."

Sara nodded her head, flushed with embarrassment; quickly standing from the table, she stuttered out, "I-I have to go. See y-you tonight."

I watched her run away confused, "Was it something I said?" I glanced at Lissa, who shook her head in reply.

"She's been shy around people since the attack," She explained, watching Sara exit the cafeteria with sad eyes, "Her brother died when they broke in, she hasn't been the same."

I felt a wave of guilt wash over me, I wasn't one of the Strigoi that attacked the Academy, but I still felt responsible for not be quick enough to save others.

The letter I found in my bag earlier felt like it was burning a hole in my jacket pocket. My other pocket is holding my silver stake. Both of them weighed me down in different ways. One brought me a sense of peace, the other fear.

If they knew the truth and they tell others, then the Queen will take me away. There would be no way I could stay at the Academy. I could just imagine the uproar Moroi parents would have about their children being in classes with an ex-Strigoi. I doubt most people would even believe that I had been restored. Other than me, there may only be one other to ever been restored, and even that was just word of mouth that Abe had heard.

I had to protect myself and Lissa. Glancing around the cafeteria again, studying all the faces. I needed to figure out who is writing these letters before they tell anyone else.

I could feel a headache coming on from spending all of my afternoon classes trying to figure out who was threatening me. Everyone was gossiping about me, all watching. There were too many to tell if anyone had looked at me in anger or hatred. The only openly hostile person has been Anastasia, and while I would love a reason to knock her around a bit, I needed more proof.

Considering where I have found the letters makes me wonder if it's a novice and not Moroi. The first one was in the dorms, and then the second was in class with only novices. I wasn't ready to rule anyone out yet, though.

This would be easier to figure out if I had some help, but I still wasn't sure if it was enough of a concern to bring up. If there is another one, I will, I promised myself. I could just imagine how angry Dimitri and Lissa would be if I really was in trouble but didn't say anything.

Though knowing that isn't enough to make me want to tell them.

"Fuck!" A sharp pain exploded on the back of my head. I bent over, covering my head with my hands.

What was that?

I whipped around, searching for who threw something at me. The area was deserted. It was the end of classes, and I was only out by the gym for my afternoon training session with Dimitri. Had I imagined it?

I glanced down at my feet. A small rock about the size of a quarter sat amongst the grass. It wasn't big, but it can cause some damage when thrown, as I have just discovered. I felt the back of my head again, there wasn't a cut, but I did feel a bump forming.

Looking around again, I picked up the rock and rushed to the gym. This is something I should mention to Dimitri.

I entered the gym, ready to start complaining, but the words died on my lips. There stood Dimitri and Ana- fucking -stasia. They were in the middle of the gym, laughing at something she had said.

Great, she's a goddamn comedian.

I stalked up to them, my anger radiating off me in waves. "What's going on here?" I called into the room. Dimitri caught sight of me out of the corner of his eye, turning to greet me. I wasn't sure if he was ignoring my mood or didn't notice it.

"Oh. Hi Rose," Anastasia greeted me, the same fake voice; I'm sure it sounded like honey to others. But to me, it was like nails dragging down a chalkboard. "I didn't realise Dimitri had a meeting. I guess we just got caught up in conversation." She rested her hand on Dimitri's arm again; part of me felt hurt that he kept letting her touch him so easily.

"Well, we are starting now," I folded my arms, jutting out my hip, "Thanks for dropping by." I faked a smile; my eyes narrowed on hers.

"Rose," Dimitri warned me, not appreciating my attitude. That just made my irritation grow. I don't want him defending her to me.

She waved her hand, seeming unaffected, "No, it's fine, I should be going. It's good speaking to you, Dimitri."

I bit my tongue. Pivoting on my heel, I picked up the tape and started to wrap my hands. I wasn't sure what Dimitri had planned for this session, but I know I wanted to hit something. A lot.

I turned my attention back to Dimitri after I heard the gym door close. He watched me with his hands on his hips, unimpressed.

I rolled my shoulders, warming myself up, strolling past Dimitri and up to the punching bag. I needed to get this anger out on something before I tried to speak to him. I started throwing punches, definitely putting more weight behind them than needed.

"You are really going to act like nothing just happened?" He asked incredulously. He moved to be behind the punch bag holding it steady, levelling his eyes on me.

I kept punching, speaking in between breaths, "And what. Happened?"

Punch.

"Rose, stop."

Punch.

"Stop."

The order in his voice making my fist stop mid-swing, respecting a guardian's order was drilled into us as much as They come first.

He watched me, arms crossed, so I copied his stance, "What was that?" He asked again.

I held his gaze. I didn't feel like I should apologise. "I wanted to start training. Is that so bad?"

"That was more than that, and you know it."

I huffed, annoyed, "I'm having a bad day okay, first Stan's class, and then I get a rock thrown at me. Then I come in here to find you having a nice little chat with her . So forgive me just wanting to get started!" I ended up yelling at him.

Dimitri gripped my shoulders, "Someone threw what at you?"

"A rock, just before I came in here."

"Who threw it?"

"I don't know. There was no one around."

"Why didn't you say something." He was now looking at me with concern and barely concealed anger.

I stepped out of his grip, "I was going to, but you were busy." My irritation was seeping into my voice. Dimitri stared at me, shocked; I tried to ignore the hurt on his face.

"Rose -"

"Just forget it. Can we just train?" I was exhausted. All my emotions were so jumbled I wasn't sure what I was feeling anymore. I was irritated, and apprehensive, and terrified. All I wanted was to go to sleep. I didn't have it in me to fight with Dimitri.

He took a step back, guardian mask slipping back on, causing an ache in my chest seeing him close himself off from me. I couldn't hold it against him. I did it first.

The rest of the session passed with him only speaking to explain what we were doing or if I needed to fix my stance. By the end of it, I felt like I could cry from how dejected I felt. And I knew it was my fault. But I couldn't bring myself to try and fix it.

When we finished, we packed up silently. This continued as he walked me back to my dorm. Just as I was about to enter the building, he finally spoke.

"Rose, please tell me if anything happens straight away next time. If someone is hurting you, I want to know."

I stared at his back.

I should tell him about the letters.

I opened my mouth to tell him, but no words came out. It shouldn't be hard to say it. But for some reason, I couldn't reveal it to him. So I let him walk away without a word.

I forced myself to trudge up to my room, slamming the door shut; I collapsed on my bed. I glared at the ceiling, biting my lip to stop myself from crying. I hated how easily I was breaking down lately.

I could feel Lissa nudging through the bond, asking if I had finished training. All I wanted to do was sleep, but I felt bad to skip out on studying after Lissa and Sara offered to help me.

Reluctantly I stood up from my bed, changed, and then with my bag in hand, left for the library.

Sara had not been joking about this class being her favourite. The way she conversed about it, it almost made it enjoyable. Almost. It did help me hearing Lissa and her break it down for me, giving me ways to remember names and dates.

We had been good and studied for the first two hours but had become sidetracked by talk of the end year dance—our last party as students before graduating and being released into the world. Lissa was already planning to go all out for it.

"I was thinking blue because then it will suit Christian's eyes, plus then I can convince him to wear blue as well," She was scrolling through her Pinterest board, images upon images of shoes, dresses, and hairstyles.

I snorted, "The only colour Sparky will wear is black, and you know it." Lissa's pout made me laugh.

Sara let out a small giggle before covering her mouth. She was still shy around me, but I could tell she was coming out of her shell a little. She reminded me of how Lissa used to be when we were younger.

"Are you going to the dance?" I asked Sara, trying to include her in the conversation more.

Sara suddenly looked flustered, "M-maybe. I need to go s-s-shopping."

Lissa's face lit up, "We should all go!"

"Why did I know you were going to say that," I deadpanned. I didn't try to deny being included in the shopping trip, knowing Lissa would not take no as an answer.

Lissa was also surprised by my lack of fight, "You will come with us?"

I shrugged, "I need new clothes anyway, and it could be fun." Lissa squealed, earning an aggressive shh from another student. I flipped them off.

"Miss Hathaway," A guardian warned me; making the rounds of the library, I realised it was Wyatt. I flushed, looking down at the table. He was there when my nightmare had made me attack my mother and him, and I had dislocated his shoulder.

"Sorry, Guardian Wyatt," I apologised in a small voice. I hadn't seen him since that night and doubted he was a big fan of mine. I could feel his eyes on me for a moment more before he walked away from us.

Lissa leant in close to me, "I don't think he likes you."

I nodded, "I don't blame him." I waved Lissa off, eyes questioning. I forgot I never told her about that night, and I didn't feel like getting into it at this moment either. My mood was instantly back to being sour. I glanced at the clock; it was nearing curfew. "I think we should call it a night."

Lissa and Sara, also just realising the time, quickly agreed.

We walked together. I followed them to the Moroi dorms; while it was unlikely for anyone to attack, I couldn't stop myself from slipping into guardian mode.

"Are you sure you are okay walking back by yourself?" Lissa asked. Sara had already left for her room, leaving just the two of us outside.

I readjusted my bag on my shoulder; the weight of my textbooks made it heavy, "I'm fine, Liss, really." I gave her a quick hug.

"Okay," She relented. With a wave, she went inside the building.

I began the trek back to my dorm. I was taking my time; the sun was rising, giving the campus a warm glow. Not paying attention to my surrounding, I didn't notice them there until they spoke.

"It's the bloodwhore."