Bloodstream: David's point of view

From the moment David roused, he knew something was up. He felt the undercurrent in the air before he had even opened his eyes. His skin prickled and his stomach tied in knots in a way that only she could cause. It had always been that way; he felt her before he even saw her. Didn't that sound pathetically poetic? He took his sweet time letting her know that he was awake, contemplating what stance to give her. With the loss of his friend, his mood was foul and his hangover was screaming at him, making him dread opening his eyes. What he was dreading even more, though, was the punch in the gut that the vision of her always evoked. He could sense her gaze travelling over him, her eyes burning a path down his body. It made him want to shift in his seat, but that would tell her that he was not unconscious anymore.

Finally, he couldn't take it any longer, he had to see her. He slowly cracked his eyes open, letting out a soft groan when feelings crushed over him like a tidal wave. It was exactly as he feared and expected: her presence almost killed him with how overwhelming it was…how overwhelming she was. Their eyes locked and his blood boiled. Not that he would ever let her in on such a response. Thankfully, his hangover was so bad that it probably left a scowl on his face.

The perfect mask to wear.

"Maddie Hayes," he acknowledged, without conveying too much emotion.

The way she was looking at him was causing him to falter, though, and he quickly got out of the car before he made a fool of himself. The headache was piercing through his brain. He was wobbly on his feet, and he had to take a minute.

"I guess you're wondering what I'm doing here," he heard her say. She was trying to be as tough as he was, but he could detect the unsteady timbre of her voice. He was good at detecting like that.

"You need a detective," he therefore quipped.

He walked straight past her into his office building, leaving her standing out on the pavement. He knew he was being rude, but he didn't know how to be around her. The loss of his friend was making him emotional, and her being here was very, very dangerous. Right now, all it would take was one word from her and he would be a puddle at her feet.

He wouldn't bow down; she had had him on his knees for far too many times.

The aspirin in his cabinet was crying out to him and he headed straight over, popping a few pills out of the strip before downing them with some O.J. that he pulled from the fridge. He could hear her come in, so he guessed that meant that she hadn't given up on talking to him yet.

Keep it together, Dave. Gear up.

As casually as he could, he headed over towards his desk and threw himself into his chair. He finally allowed himself to look at her again…really look….and she looked good. Damn her! It was as if she hadn't aged a day. Why did her blonde, wavy hair still fall around her face like that? Why did her cornflower blue eyes still rope him in, pinning him in his seat?

There she was, the love of his life. She always would be, no matter where that life took him. God had played an extra mean trick on him when He had decided that this woman's soul would be the one to collide with his. Of course, no meaner trick was ever played than when he had been allowed to learn that Maddie had been carrying his son…about two hours after she had lost the baby.

"Well, this brings back memories of that other time you showed up in my office about nine years ago, doesn't it? The Blue Moon Shampoo girl, ready to put old Dave out of business."

He sounded almost vicious, he knew that, but he couldn't fall apart. Not around her.

"I can't imagine why you're here this time. Did some guy disappear on you, and you want me to find him? No, that can't be it; you're usually the one pulling the disappearing act. Oh, I know! You had another marriage gone wrong, and now you want me to dig up some dirt so it will make the divorce a bit easier. Am I right?"

While he was talking, she had taken a seat across from him. He could definitely spot the wince that crept across her face with his coldness. He almost felt sorry, except for the fact that this was his way of holding it together the best that he could.

"So, tell me, what can your old pal do for you?"

Pals…, he internally snorted…. Yeah, right!

"Well, what about you?" she finally spoke up. "Hook up with a married woman lately? I mean, one who's not related to me, that is."

He almost wanted to smile with how accurately she was fighting back.

Touché, Maddie….Touché….

They stared at each other, until Maddie relented and tore her gaze from his.

"I shouldn't have come."

"That may be so, but you're here now. Might as well rip off the band aid."

David leaned back in his seat and studied her, trying to decipher what the real reason was behind her appearance today. He narrowed his eyes, trying to read into her reactions.

"I uh… your business card sort of dropped into my lap yesterday. It seems like one of my employees has been thinking about hiring you," Maddie offered her explanation.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, so I found myself becoming curious about how you were doing."

Nice try, Maddie.

That wasn't the reason why she was here, he could see it in her nervous mannerisms.

"Right as rain," he told her, finally allowing a smile to grace his features. He was sure it came across as wry, though.

"That's good to hear. And your business?"

He looked around at the state his office was in and knew how this looked: it looked as if he was screwing things up big time. That wasn't the case, however. He had just….torn this place apart in his grief last night.

"Well, contrary to the state that you found me and my office in, it's actually going quite well. You just always seem to catch me at a bad time," he told her, giving her a wink.

A hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. It was just too easy to fall back into the playful banter with her.

"Well, it's nice to see that you landed on your feet after Blue Moon ceased operations."

At this particular moment, it certainly didn't feel like he had landed. He was floating in the ether, waiting for life to stop giving him hell.

"I wouldn't say that I landed on my feet, but yeah… I landed."

They looked straight at each other when he said that and memories of a few years back invaded his brain, when they had to say goodbye to Blue Moon and each other. He figured that Maddie was on the same page as well, for she suddenly brought up the jerk that had bought them out.

"I know. It was tough when we had to let Lou LaSalle take over for us."

It became silent in the office for a moment, each of them lost in the vision of them walking away from each other.

Way to keep your emotions in check, Dave!

He quickly cleared his throat, wanting to take this elsewhere.

"So how have you been doing?"

There, now that was safe territory, wasn't it?

"Better than I had expected, actually. I ran across a designer and lent my name to him. We're selling sunglasses together now."

David almost wanted to let out a whistle. She was doing great, moving up in the world again. Of course, he had already known about that before she had set foot in here. For some insane, masochistic reason, he had kept tabs on her.

"That sure ought to bring in a few bucks."

Suddenly, she looked restless. Sure enough, out of nowhere, she almost jumped out of her seat, saying that she needed to go. Well, this certainly was a turn of events; she had sought him out and now she was the one wanting to get away from him. His eyebrow raised in question.

"Short visit."

"Yeah well, this is… obviously there's still…. Maybe I should just keep my distance until more time has passed."

So now they were getting to the bottom of why she was here, and it had nothing to do with whoever worked at her company that wanted to hire him. She was feeling it too; that insane gravity between them that somehow always pulled them towards each other. It didn't matter that they knew better…that they were wrong for each other in every sense of the word. Their bodies and minds never quite seemed to catch up to that fact. It was a dance that would be eternal between them. A lifeline, that refused to be broken.

"And you think that helps?"

"No."

She refused to look at him, and he knew that he was right. She had come here to see if it still existed between them, if she still had the same emotions towards him. What exactly had she been hoping for? That it was gone?

He got up and zoned in on her, making her back up until she had nowhere else to go and nowhere else to look but at him.

"What did you come here for, Maddie?"

Unconsciously, his voice had dropped an octave, and he could see the effect that it was having on her. No matter how hard he had been trying to fight her when she first got here, the dams were broken now. He needed to touch her, even if it was only for a mere second. Even if she would slap him silly for it and would storm out of his office in a cloud of anger. His fingers carefully treaded through the locks of her hair, and he was pleased to see her close her eyes. Oh yeah, it was definitely still there.

"I don't know."

Her denial echoed throughout the room, making a hint of anger boil in David's veins. Was she still going to deny this after all these years? Well, he would show her that she could deny all she wanted. He caressed the sweet skin of her neck, seeing the goosebumps that he left in his wake. Then, he deliberately grazed that spot just below her hairline. It had the desired effect: her eyes flew open in unwanted longing.

"What are you doing?!"

His detached attitude slipped fully back in place, and he wanted to shrug with indifference. If this was the game that she would always continue to play, he was over it.

"Proving something," he told her. "Nothing's changed, has it? Thank you for stopping by."

"What do you mean, nothing's changed?"

Her voice was shrill, making David think back on the fight that they had right before they had made love for the first time. She had also been in denial back then.

"I don't want you. I never wanted you."

"Exactly like I said. I'll ask you one last time, Maddie Hayes: Why are you here?"

Admit it, Maddie. I don't have time for these games. Not anymore.

"I already told you about the business card."

"Yes, but why did you decide to stop by?"

David watched her undeterred. She was trying to wriggle free from his invisible grip on her.

"Can't I visit an old friend?"

Friends?! Okay, now he had had it! In what universe had they ever been friends?

"You and I were never friends, Maddie."

And still, she muttered on about wanting to leave. She actually turned around, ready to head out, so he had to give it to her straight.

"We could never be friends. We'll be in love till it kills us both."

The idea had been to not show even a hint of whatever feelings had been coursing through him. Right now, he was revealing all. Maybe it would prove to be a real stupid mistake, but he couldn't stop himself. Brought to his knees yet again by this powerful and stubborn blonde.

"Lord knows I'm already halfway there."

He was referring to his hangover and the way that the events of last night had almost did him in. She didn't know about what happened last night, though.

"David," she breathed. "You'll be fine. We'll both be fine. I'm sorry that I interrupted you here."

For once, he kept his mouth shut and simply stared at her. If she wanted to leave, it was up to her. He wouldn't stop her. Maybe it would even be better. He could begin to pick up the pieces and try his hardest to forget about the woman who had once been his partner…and the mother of his child.

She was stalling, though, and it was making him annoyed. What did she want?!

"I should go."

"Which is about the third time you've said that in a timespan of maybe five minutes. I'm not stopping you, Maddie, so what's keeping you?"

He looked on as a blush colored her cheeks a furious shade of crimson and for a second there, he thought that she would yield and admit her reasons for stopping by.

She didn't.

"Nothing's keeping me. There's nothing here for me. I wish you well, David. If you want, I could put in a good word for you with my employee? Make sure she hires you?"

Well, that was that. Time to put the walls back up.

"Fine. You do that."

"Okay then. Bye."

"Bye."

He turned away from her and sat down at his desk, pulling together the paperwork lying on top of it. He never looked up when she opened the door, nor when she walked out. Of course, as soon as the door slammed shut, he broke. David hunched over his desk like he had been shot in the chest, feeling a surge of emotions threatening to swallow him whole. He pressed his hands to his eyeballs, trying to stop the wetness from seeping through. A shudder wracked his body, and when he was about to let go and release everything that was pent up inside when she came back.

Embarrassment and shock fought to the forefront when he saw her standing there. She could see his turmoil, that much was obvious from the way she was looking at him. Stunned silence overtook the room, and David could do nothing but hope that she would turn around and walk away… or stay…

"I uhm…," Maddie croaked. "I seem to have left my purse in here."

David's eyes travelled around his office until they found the beige satchel that she had carried around. He got up without a word, circled his desk to where she had been seated mere moments ago and picked up the lost item for her. Then, he turned her way, holding the purse out to her.

The silence was deafening when they stared at each other, each of them lost in their own agonizing thoughts. He watched as Maddie reached out for her purse, her eyes never leaving his. The anger, despair and aloofness that had made themselves a part of him today were slowly being replaced by something else. Suddenly, his veins burned with something pressing and potent. He wanted her…he wanted to take comfort in her, knowing that it would probably cost him his soul, but a part of him didn't even care. He placed the purse in her hands and their fingers brushed against each other.

"Thank you," he heard her mutter. "I'll uhm… I'll leave you to it."

He could see that she wanted to turn away and quickly gripped her hand, pulling her back. Did he even know what he was doing? Didn't he know that this would only lead to more heartache? Hadn't he warned himself that being around Maddie when he was emotional like this would be much too dangerous? He looked down to where he was still holding her hand. It was so easy to pretend for just one moment. He could carry on a lifetime on one moment alone. It would be worth the damnation. Right now, he needed her.

She was starting up that nonsense again about leaving. He didn't answer her. Instead, he brushed his thumb across her palm, shuddering from the intensity of such a small contact. If this was how he felt caressing her hand, imagine what would happen if they did more… He could hear the way her breathing had become slightly quicker. From the way her carotid artery was pumping madly in her neck, he would guess that her heart was going a mile a minute by now. Why had she come here? She knew that they were better off out of each other's lives. They both knew it.

His green eyes locked onto her blue ones, searching to find the warmth that he needed.

"We have to stop doing this," she suddenly uttered.

He frowned at her.

"Doing what?"

"Finding reasons to be in each other's lives."

There it was. Admittance.

"Are you finally being honest now?"

He still hadn't let go of her hand, enjoying the tiny tremors that travelled up his arm from her touch alone. Even if they wanted to lie to each other, their bodies never could.

"Yes," she answered him.

Of course, her being honest wouldn't change a thing. At one point, she was going to leave again, re-opening a wound he had sutured himself. Would he bleed if he watched her walk away a second time?

"You smell awful, you know that?"

It was something she had always said to him when she was running out of words. He remembered every single time she had thrown that exact sentence into his face when they had been on the verge of something important.

He carefully smiled at her.

"While we're being honest, what happened here?" she suddenly asked.

He had known that it was coming. Everything had been out of sorts when she had arrived here this morning, both he and his office had looked like something that had been fished out of the river.

"What? You don't like my decorating?" he tried to keep it light.

From Maddie's stance, he understood that she knew that he was full of it. She was going to pry it out of him.

"I got some bad news about a friend last night and I… lost it," he explained.

"What happened to your friend?"

"He died."

He dropped her hand and looked down, not wanting to see the look of pity on Maddie's face. He could hear her gasp and he carefully took a step back, trying to get his composure back in check. Pity was not what he needed. Pity from Maddie would break him at this point.

"David, I'm sorry," she offered.

"Yeah well, that's life. Isn't it?"

"Still, you must feel horrible."

He leaned against his desk, shrugging his shoulders before crossing his arms in front of him as if they were a shield. He understood now that crying on Maddie's shoulder wouldn't be good for either of them. It would effectively blur things.

"If there's anything that I can do…"

"It's all right, Maddie. I'll be fine."

He watched her as she knelt down to pick up some papers that had been discarded onto the floor. It was probably her way of showing even more pity. He couldn't have that.

"As long as I'm here, I could help you clean up a little. Tidy up this place."

"You don't have to do that."

"But I want to."

"Maddie…"

She stood back up again, probably because his tone was firm, clutching the papers close to her.

"Don't. We both know that this only makes things more difficult."

"Difficult how?"

"Difficult to let go once you walk out of here," David admitted.

"Of course…. ," Maddie mumbled, looking down at the papers still held in her hands. She hesitantly stepped forward and placed them next to David on top of the desk. If she didn't leave now, he would keep her in here forever.

"I'll let you get on with it then."

They locked eyes, the emotional current high between them.

"I really am sorry about your friend."

"Thanks."

Leave now, Maddie. Or I won't stand for myself.

"Well, goodbye then."

"Goodbye."

He waited for her to move, but she didn't. She was still lingering. Unable to stay, but unwilling to leave.

"If you wait long enough, the outside world might come to you instead," he tried to joke.

"What if I don't want the outside world to interrupt just yet?"

It was the last thing he expected from her. Even if she had been honest about her reasons for coming here, to admit that she wanted to stay a little longer was a foreign concept. She had always been running from him in the past; into the arms of Sam Crawford, to Chicago, to Walter Bishop. Never had she stopped and said that she wanted to stay. His carefully put on smile fell from his face and for once, he didn't know what to say. A part of him wanted her to stay as well.

"Maddie…"

His own voice sounded funny to his ears. This had been a mistake; dredging up old feelings had been a mistake. Or maybe it hadn't. For him, she was it. Even if he did go on to live his life without her, she would always be there, at the back of his mind. Some people got an entire lifetime with that one great love, he got moments. But those moments meant everything and he wouldn't give them up for the world.

It was beyond him to stop the kiss that had already been hanging in the air from the moment she had stood outside of his office building, desperate to find out how they still felt about each other. Well, now they knew. He let out a wounded growl, before he swooped forward and pressed his lips to hers. He had never kissed anyone as desperately as he was kissing Maddie Hayes at that very moment. He wanted to drown in her…memorize every crevice of her mouth….the sweetness of her tongue. This was a fire that couldn't be extinguished. He could feel Maddie pulling at his hair and he couldn't help but notice how perfectly her body molded against his. Maybe God hadn't made a mistake by picking this one for him after all.

The kiss ended as abruptly as it had begun.

"Are you going to be all right?" Maddie asked him, still flushed from their embrace.

David tried his best to do what he always did; present the light, fun, casual side of him for the world to see, even if he was dying on the inside.

"Sure. You know me, I'll bounce back. Land on my feet…whatever."

"Okay."

Maddie took one last look around his office.

"Addison Investigations… I'll be sure to look it up from time to time. See how you're doing."

"You do that. And whenever I see one of those sunglasses, I'll know that you're doing not too shabby yourself."

The smile that they threw at each other was fake, they both knew it. But really, what else could they do? Maddie headed over towards the door and David desperately pressed his lips together, not trusting what he would say if given the chance.

"Take care," she whispered.

"You too."

He took in the radiant beauty that she was, both on the outside and the inside. Nine years ago, she had set foot into his office, sealing his fate forever. Right now, she was leaving his office for the last time. David couldn't bear to look at the closed door and stepped forward, his hand hovering over the doorknob. Hadn't they always been hovering? Hovering close by, needing to stay in the vicinity of each other, unwilling to completely let go. He gripped the doorknob firmly in his hand, but he never turned it. He knew that he couldn't be with her, so he did what he had to do; he turned around to head back towards his desk. Work was as good a distraction as any….

A/N: Yes, you're probably going to kill me for leaving this story here. Some of you begged me to 'fix this' and I tried….but then my muse left the building for over two months. I could not write down one word, no matter how hard I tried. Finally, I did a poll with a few readers, asking them how they wanted this story to end. A happy ending came up several times, until one of the voters mentioned writing the same story from David's point of view, but leaving the ending exactly as it is. I instantly realized what had happened to my muse; I was too busy trying to give everyone their happy ending, that I overlooked what my creative brain really wanted to do. Which was just as my reader suggested: leave the story here. Yes, it's cruel, but hey…I'm going to spend a lot more time writing happy endings for David and Maddie, so just give me this one. Anyway, thanks for reading and for the support. And a special thanks to Marlena, my beta, and that one reader who opted to go a different route.