The Merlinator
Moody was about to enter the kitchen at Grimmauld place, but he heard loud laughter and stepped back. Looking through the kitchen door with his magical eye, he saw Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Luna Lovegood all holding on to a small box. In an instant, they had all disappeared. He assumed they must have used a portkey — but that made no sense; the wards at Order of the Phoenix Headquarters were supposed to prevent both apparation and portkeying.
But then Moody was astonished to hear the same loud laughter again! All three of the young adults were laughing. But if they'd portkeyed away, how was it possible that he could still hear them?
"Potter, are you there?" asked Moody with a slight growl, stepping through the swinging kitchen door.
He could hear Harry mutter "Damn," and then suddenly the three re-appeared.
"Erm … hello, Mad-Eye," said Harry.
"Potter, I can see through things, I can see invisible things, and I can see the magical trail from any use of magic. But I couldn't see you or what you did. Care to explain?"
"Well — it's this little device. We've tentatively called it the 'Merlinator,' but we weren't going to show it to the Order for another week or two, until we were sure we'd ironed out all the bugs."
"Look, you three," Moody smiled scarily. "You know that we keep no secrets from each other. There's a meeting in fifteen minutes; why don't you give a 'preliminary report?'"
And so once all the Order members had filed in and taken seats, Albus said, "Alastor has told me that three of our youngest members have a new device that they'd like to make a progress report about." He waved his hand with a smile, and the three rose hesitantly.
"Well, I guess it was my idea," said Harry. "I wanted to see if a device could be created that had the ability to project the same anti-gravity and thrust energy that we wizards and witches use when we fly broomsticks. I figured that a faster form of magical mass transit was desirable; after all, Muggles have jet planes, while those wizards who can't apparate and don't care to floo, are still stuck using steam engine trains at one-tenth the speed. So I asked: has anyone proposed that a device be created that would channel that broomstick energy to a larger vehicle, which (if kept invisible) could conveniently fly between cities?"
"And I answered: 'Not yet!'" smiled Hermione.
"And I answered, 'Now they have!'" said Luna, with a grin.
"So Luna applied String Theory, Einstein and Paracelsus, and I applied Quantum Physics, Newton and Flamel, and Harry kept supplying ideas — and together we invented the Merlinator!" said Hermione. "It's the first device that completely cross-combines the principles of magic and physics."
"I thought that was impossible," whispered McGonagall.
"Apparently not," replied Dumbledore. "Would you all care to demonstrate?"
Harry smiled and said, "No incantations, just English stated simply; no 'wand-waving,'" he winked at Snape, "and no limitations."
He lifted the device, pointed it at Luna, and said, "Invisible Luna." Instantly, Luna completely disappeared.
"Miss Lovegood?" asked Albus.
"Still right here, Professor," replied Luna invisibly.
"Alastor?" said Albus, raising an eyebrow.
"I can't see a thing," replied Moody. "Just like I told you."
"Visible Luna," said Harry, and Luna returned to sudden visibility. Then he turned to Hermione and said, "Gravity two percent Hermione." Hermione proceeded to raise her legs and seemed to float in place, though she appeared to be very slowly sinking through the air. Harry raised the device and said, "Gravity minus five percent Hermione." Hermione began to slowly rise through the air like a helium balloon, her bushy hair standing out in all directions, and soon was hovering near the ceiling.
"That's enough, Harry," she said, a bit nervously.
"Gravity plus five percent Hermione," he smiled, and she slowly and elegantly returned to the floor. First he normalized her gravity, and then said, "That's not all it does, Albus."
"Really? What else can it do?"
"Everything."
"Eh?"
Hermione interjected, "We've tried to get the device to duplicate all the spells we can normally do with magic. It does them all."
"And more," said Luna. "It will magically do all the things we usually can't do with magic. Harry?"
Harry turned to an empty space on the floor and said, "Create stasis cage." A network of what resembled blue laser light formed. Harry said, "Retrieve Lucius Malfoy." As instantly as all the previous events, the senior Malfoy himself appeared inside the light cage, frozen like a statue.
The whole room erupted in shouts, and many wands were drawn. When Malfoy continued to remain utterly still, they were nervously lowered. Harry again raised the Merlinator and said, "Disarm." Malfoy's walking stick floated out of the stasis cage and clattered to the ground — along with a second wand from his boot, and two daggers from up his sleeves. Harry then said, "Remove all magical devices." A stone and a coin floated out of Malfoy's pockets, presumably portkeys. A tiny white blob popped out of his mouth and fell to the ground too; apparently, Malfoy had an emergency portkey built into a false tooth.
Harry said, "Contain and re-animate." Malfoy blinked. He scowled and reached for his hidden wand, and noticed its absence. He tried to walk forward, but the walls of the stasis cage seemed as solid as a concrete wall, and he bumped his head hard on what appeared to be thin air.
"What isss the meaning of thisss?" sneered Malfoy, whistling comically through his missing tooth.
"What it means," grinned Harry, "is that after five years on the run, you are now quite thoroughly nicked!" He raised the device again, and said, "Teleport Lucius Malfoy to Ministry of Magic, Auror holding cell B3." Malfoy disappeared, without so much as a pop. "Close stasis cage." The little laser bars disappeared.
The Order members were sitting, stunned. "How many 'Merlinators' have you created?" asked Albus.
"Only three," answered Harry. "I financed the development; it took six months and about one and a half million galleons." A few Order members gasped. "Not to worry; that was only about one half of one percent of my net worth. We really don't want to put it into mass production. You see, even Muggles can use it." Now the room was really full of angry muttering, and Albus had to raise his hand for silence.
"Please, explain."
"Well, we let Hermione's dad try it out. He could do anything with it that we could."
Hermione said, "Unlike wands and staves, which depend upon the magical core of the witch or wizard who wields it, we designed the Merlinator on the theory that the device uses a combination of the bearer's thoughts and words, gravitons powered by the earth itself, plus the ambient field of magic from the earth's atmosphere — the energy that some call Prana. No personal magical power is needed; indeed, it seems to make no difference. I suppose you couldn't use it on the moon or in outer space, but we didn't try. Dad enjoyed the experience, but he said he thought this could be a problem, and handed it back."
"Why?" asked Fred or George.
"Well, he's had no magical education, has he? We've all been taught the rules of keeping magic a secret from unrelated muggles, and of not using it to force our will on others; plus years of practice have made us a little … jaded, I suppose. But a muggle with a magical device, especially one this powerful? It would be like having the Midas touch." Heads nodded.
"So you're not going to make more?" said the other twin, looking crestfallen.
"No," replied Luna, "in fact, we've adjusted them now so that they're keyed just to us; only the three of us can use them. We don't want to disrupt the planet; we only want to capture the remaining Death Eaters, and then maybe have a bit of fun."
"But ever since Harry destroyed V-Voldemort with a Reparo charm," snickered tiny Professor Flitwick, "capturing Death Eaters has been the main thing keeping the Order busy."
"Oh, don't worry," smiled Harry, "we'll figure out some other lovely mischief for us all to do!"
"But Harry," asked Albus, "what about your original idea for a magical aircraft?"
"Well, we haven't yet figured out a way to tease out the anti-grav, thrust and teleport functions from all the other features. Until we can, I'm afraid we'll just have to let them take trains. Otherwise, everyone who got on the plane could just 'make a wish,' and …"
Dumbledore shuddered and nodded.
Ron smirked, "Now I know what you three have been laughing about so much! But you know," he continued, now appearing very sincere, "if you could just use it to build a better broomstick, the whole wizarding world would beat a path to your door!"
"No, we're not giving Merlinators to the Chudley Cannons, Ron!" said Harry.
Ron just snapped his fingers in an arc, a disappointed look on his face.
- fin -
