Second Thoughts

What the deuce was I thinking?! Izzy wondered as he paced his dorm room. It was a quarter of seven, and he was berating himself in every ugly phrase he knew for having offered to take Amy out. That girl was dangerous, very dangerous. He was quickly realizing that, when he was with her, he was lulled into a softer, gentler state. Once thus transformed, he found himself revealing more of his heart during one conversation than he usually did over a year-long acquaintance. But now that he was out of her power, his sanity was restored, and he had no desire to lose it again.

What was it about her that tore his defenses down? He considered, but lacked the social skills to form a conclusion. Regardless, what mattered now was deciding what to do about their plans tonight. How rude would it be to back out? But his mother, he knew, would be cringing in her living room if she knew he was considering blowing someone off. Izzy hissed through his teeth in frustration.

"Izzy! What is your problem? You look half-crazy!"

Izzy froze mid-step at the sound of Joe's voice. Heat rose to his face at being caught pacing like a caged beast. "I didn't hear you come in," he said, lowering his hovering foot to the floor.

"Do you always walk holes in the floor when I'm out, then?" Izzy fixed Joe with a deadpan glare, refusing to dignify that comment with a response. He pretended not to see Joe's grin.

Great, Izzy thought as Joe made himself comfortable in his desk chair. Is this going to be another heart-to-heart discussion?

Izzy's eyes flicked towards his wristwatch, and he grimaced. He didn't have much time before he was supposed to meet Amy, which meant that he would have to satisfy Joe's curiosity without allowing himself a dignified amount of hedging. He flopped onto his chair with a groan.

"Amy noticed me in the cafeteria today, and somehow I ended up asking her to go roller skating with me tonight. And, to quote Melville, 'I would prefer not to.'"

It took Joe about four seconds to process his words, and then his eyes bulged. "Izzy! Really? Really?!" Suddenly, he frowned and slammed his hands on his knees. "Wait, you're not seriously thinking about backing out of a date, are you? You can't stand her up! You have to think about the other person, Izzy! And, anyway, she's my lab partner. I'd hate to have to find another person to study with because I'm guilty by association to you."

After a pause, Joe cleared his throat noisily. "Plus, you know, she got me Mimi's number."

Izzy raised an eyebrow. "Two things. First, the word 'date' was never mentioned. We're 'hanging out.'" He used air quotes, which was rare, since he found it obnoxious. "Second, have you called said number?"

"Oh, no, Izzy," Joe said, holding his hands out palm-forward. "Don't try to make this about me. And, anyway, what does hang out even mean?"

Izzy couldn't help but perk up, both because Joe also wasn't clear on that definition, and because he had an answer. "It's a phrase that allows you to suggest spending time with someone while being vague about your motives."

"I… see." Joe crossed his arms and tipped his head, mulling over the information. "That's pretty tricky. You said you asked her out; what were your motives, then?"

Izzy pressed his hand to his forehead and sighed. "I don't know. She asked me if I wanted to hang out with her, and I reacted badly. She teared up, and I said whatever I could to cheer her up before she started crying." He didn't mention the real concern he felt when he realized that he hurt her feelings, and he certainly wasn't going to admit that he freely told her about his lack of social skills. He may be damned, but he could damn well keep it to himself.

Joe groaned and shut eyes eyes. "Izzy, really? You made her cry?"

"I said 'tear up.' Women are so weepy…" Izzy grimaced, already ashamed of his sweeping generalization, and of having hurt Amy. He didn't know how to handle one-on-one conversations that lasted longer than a few simple exchanges… especially with girls. And what he learned from Shauna had only made his heart harder, more bitter.

Joe fixed him with a hard stare. "Here's what you're going to do. You're going to show Amy a good time. You'll listen when she talks, and you won't say anything condescending. Oh, and she startles at physical contact, so don't touch her if she doesn't initiate. And you are absolutely not going to let her know that you would rather be somewhere else. Do you understand?"

Izzy's cheeks were burning by the time Joe finished. "Are you quite finished, Father?" he drawled. Joe snorted and stood, shaking his head.

"Look, if you really don't want to spend more time with her, fine. But you have to get through tonight. As if spending a few hours with a girl is such a chore…" Izzy ignored him and started collecting his wallet, keys, and phone. He also ignored his memory, which was reminding him that, despite some awkward moments here and there, he enjoyed being around Amy.

But life, he reflected as he left the room, was so much easier in front of his computer.

Elsewhere

Oh, my stars. What was I thinking? Amy sat on her bed, strumming an acoustic guitar. She couldn't believe she had agreed to go out with Izzy. She hardly knew him, and she was putting herself in his power. Honestly, how careless could she be? She chewed her lower lip and stared at Sora's rug, not really seeing it. Tai would go ballistic if he knew about this

"Penny for your thoughts?" Sora said from her desk. Blinking, Amy stopped playing and allowed the guitar to hang from its strap.

"Eh?" She tilted her head, and Sora grinned.

"You've been playing the same chord for the last three minutes. What's on your mind?"

Sighing, Amy stood and removed the guitar, placing it on its stand. Then she plopped on her bed again. "Aw, man. Was I really? I don't want to bother you."

"If you don't want to talk, I understand. But I'd like to help, if I can."

"That's… really kind." Amy wasn't sure why the fates had smiled on her in the form of her new roommate. Like her, Sora was considerate and neat. Unlike her, Sora was truly warm and helpful to everyone, and Amy often felt humbled around her.

Amy sighed and hugged her knees to her chest. "Okay, so basically I agreed to go roller skating with this guy I met at a party last week. He seems nice, but I've only seen him twice, and I'm kind of nervous about going out alone with him." She rubbed the back of her neck and laughed nervously. "I probably sound like a crazy neurotic."

Amy could tell that Sora was trying to think of a polite way to phrase her reply. "Maybe just a little?" she said at last. "On one hand, it's best to be cautious. But too much caution could keep you from enjoying yourself. It seems unlikely that anything bad will happen."

It always seems unlikely, Amy thought sadly. Her mood must have been obvious, because Sora rolled herself a little closer.

"Are you alright? Did he give you a reason to be worried? What's he like?" Then she smiled, showing a trace of that girlish desire to know about everyone's love life. "Do you like him?"

Amy tried for a cheerful attitude, hoping to mask her anxiety. "I'm not interested in anyone right now. As for Izzy, he's… Let's say he's different. He has this great way of talking, very polite and proper, and he seems so smart. But if you push him enough, he's vitriolic, and it's fun to watch his manners crumble and the rest rise. Oh, also, he's really bad at talking to people!" She paused and stood, propelled by a sudden thought. "Do I look okay?" she asked, turning in a circle for Sora's inspection.

Sora's smile became coquettish, and Amy colored. Why had she had indicated concern for her appearance when preparing to meet a boy that she wasn't interested in? Then she realized that she hadn't cared about her looks for months, and she buried that nugget away. It was too dangerous for inspection now.

Sora opened Amy's closet. "You look nice, but you may not want to wear a dress roller skating." Amy slapped her forehead. She couldn't believe that she hadn't thought of that, but one stopped thinking of that kind of thing when one avoided physical activities.

Sora inspected her clothes. "You own a lot of dresses."

Amy shrugged. "I like them. Plus, I'm not good at matching tops and bottoms, so, you know, problem solved."

"Do you have any athletic leggings? Maybe you could wear one of these simpler dresses and those… But make sure you bring thick socks, the skates are rentals. Do you have any change for the shoe lockers? You can take some of mine, if you need it." Sora selected a cotton dress in a deep shade of purple.

"You're really nice, Sora." Amy shyly took the dress, unsure of why receiving kindness from someone she wasn't close to made her sheepish.

"Not for long," Sora said, grinning. "This Izzy… Is he cute?"

"Sora!" Amy cried, laughing. Now teasing she could handle. Sora fixed her with an expectant smile, and Amy considered her response while she changed.

"I mean, he's not handsome like Matt. I guess he's… cute? He's got serious eyes and a heavy brow, but his voice is tinny and kind of high-pitched. Oh, and his hair, I've never seen hair that color, it's practically blood red! And he's so scrawny and short. I guess if he gives me any trouble, I can just sit on him!"

Sora produced a sputtering laugh. "What! Which is he, then, cute or ridiculous?!"

"Cute? But then, I like the geeky type. That's what happens when you grow up being pestered by the athletic type and the cool type, maybe."

There was an obnoxiously loud rap on the door, and Amy broke off with a grin. "Well, speak of the devil!" She recognized Tai's knock and opened the door for him. Only when she stared him in the face did she recall that she didn't want him around right now. Then she noticed Matt and Mimi standing behind him, and she had to fight down a groan. Why was everyone at her door a few minutes before Izzy was due to show? The cheer she had gained from Sora's kindness vanished, replaced with twanging nerves.

"We're on our way to the cafeteria. You in?" Tai asked. He leaned into the room, forcing Amy to duck. "Sora, you're welcome to join us."

"I ate already," Amy replied. Izzy hadn't said anything about dinner, and she doubted most roller skating rinks offered good food.

"By yourself?" Mimi asked. "You should have asked me." She entered the room and put her hands on Amy's hips. "Cute dress! A little plain, though, do you have some ribbon? A bow just below the girls would accent the slimmest part of your body."

It took effort not to stare at her own chest when Mimi mentioned 'the girls,' but somehow Amy managed. "You just assume I went by myself if I didn't go with you?" Amy asked, ignoring the ribbon business.

"When we went to high school together, your only friends were me, Matt, Tai, and their kid siblings." She turned to Tai and Matt. "Has she gotten any more social?"

Matt shook his head, and Tai snorted. "Hey!" Amy protested. "I'm not antisocial! I've studied with Joe twice this week, so there!" Amy was tired of being judged because she didn't seek out constant companionship. There were exceptions (and most of them were in this room), but for the most part, she preferred her own company.

"You've seen Joe?" Mimi cried. "You gave him my number, right? He still hasn't called."

"He's kind of anxious. He'll need time to work up his courage," Amy replied.

"Courage? What's he need courage for, I don't bite." Mimi tossed her hair over her shoulder in an annoyed sort of way.

"Look," Tai cut in, crossing his arms. "We're not getting anywhere. Amy's out. Are you hungry, Sora?"

Sora opened her mouth, attempting to answer the question for the second time, but was cut off again by the sound Amy most feared.

"Excuse me." Izzy stood in the doorway behind Matt, and everyone turned towards him in unison. He took a step back, his face tightening into a clump of tense, red eyebrows.

Amy edged towards him, practically swimming through bodies packed into a tight space. She tried to speak brightly, but her tone came out stiff and brittle. "H-Hey, Izzy. We'll just… go, then."

"Without shoes?" Izzy asked, glancing at her bare feet. Mimi and Sora chuckled, but Tai and Matt were either sharing a look or staring at her back. She wasn't facing them, but she knew them well enough to be certain.

"R-right, shoes!" Amy backtracked into her room, and Tai and Matt lifted an eyebrow in perfect unison. She pretended not to notice, focusing instead of her selection of shoes with more attention than she had ever given them.

Finally, she selected a pair, and she laced them halfway before Sora pointed out that she wasn't wearing socks, which wasn't ideal when renting skates. Impossibly, even more color flooded to her face, and Amy cursed the fair complexion that made every flustered moment painfully obvious.

"You two doing something tonight?" Tai's tone was even, by his standards, but Amy heard that faint rumbling.

Izzy's voice floated from the doorway, and Amy thought she detected strain there, too. "Roller skating, yes."

"Roller skating!" Mimi cried, clapping her hands. "Oh my gosh, I haven't done that in forever! That would be so fun!"

"Yes," Tai added, and this time those rumbles weren't as subtle. "Yes, that would be fun. How are you getting there?"

"Tai!" Amy snapped. She caught Izzy's eye and gave him a suffering look. "Listen, he hasn't got a shotgun to polish while he grills you. You'll have to imagine it for the full intended effect."

She couldn't decide if Izzy's responding expression was meant to be a grin or a grimace. "I'm afraid I've neglected to bring you a corsage." Amy stepped back without meaning to, bumping into Matt. Her lips twisted into a grimace, and it took her a few seconds to smooth out her face. Matt's hands landed on her shoulders, and she leaned into the touch.

Don't think about prom. Don't think about- She glanced at Matt, who forced a stiff grin. Amy wished he would stick to his usual scowl. He meant well, she knew, but that plastic smile said too much about how he was feeling.

By the time she focused on her surroundings again, Izzy was arguing with Tai. "I made these plans with Amy. I don't mean to be rude, but I fail to see why I'm expected to take everyone. My car can only seat five, regardless."

Tai snorted. "It's not like it's a date. What does it matter if more people come? And Matt and I will just play rock-paper-scissors, loser takes the bus."

Sora pushed her chair back and stood. "Amy, no one has asked what you think of us joining you and Izzy." Concern filled her eyes, and Amy remembered that Sora knew she was nervous about going out with a new acquaintance.

Mimi approached with a powerful pleading look in her eyes. "Pleeeease, Amy, it would be so fun!" Amy stared from face to face, feeling helpless and overwhelmed. Her mind worked frantically, trying to come up with a way to make everyone happy. Although she wanted to go along with what Tai, Matt, and Mimi wanted, she also didn't want to annoy Izzy, whose relationship with her was more delicate.

Mimi stared at her, then smiled. "You look like a goldfish! I'm sorry, I'm totally trying to bust my way into your date, and you're too nice to tell me to back off. And, anyway, we haven't even eaten yet! Let's all get out of Amy and Izzy's hair."

Tai frowned and stepped forward, definitely looking like he was going to argue, but Matt grabbed his elbow and directed him out of the room. He let the others file past him, then gave Amy one last look.

This is what you wanted, right? Amy didn't know how she could sometimes guess Matt's thoughts, but the words were evident, as if she were reading them off of his face. She gave him a half-nod, although she knew her eyes were wide and watering. To be honest, she didn't know what she wanted, but the option ship had sailed, and it was sink or swim.

Matt gently closed the door, but it sounded like a thunderclap. Amy's hands flew together and fussed, her fingers moving in nervous, intricate patterns. She turned to Izzy and was walloped by his analyzing stare.

"Pardon me, but… You're behaving incomprehensibly." His hand went to his chin, and his eyes darkened further under the press of his brow. He was deep in thought, probably trying to make sense of the recent train wreck.

Amy stared, dumbfounded, then doubled over with laughter. Izzy stepped backwards, as if she were mad and he feared it was contagious. "How can someone so polite be so rude?"

Izzy sighed. "I'm afraid I usually fail to give the expected response, and that I often misunderstand emotional undercurrents. What would the appropriate response have been?" His eyes focused on hers with startling intensity. Suddenly, it seemed like a good thing that Izzy's glance was often averted in concentration. Being the object of his undivided attention made her jittery. She could almost feel the lightening storm of firing neurons, pulsing against the blackness in his skull.

And, suddenly, she was a little intimidated. The force of his intelligence crashed all around her, and she wondered: how could she keep someone so mentally exceptional entertained?

But Izzy was waiting for her answer, so Amy tried to push those worries aside. Grinning shakily, she gave her best effort at copying his tenor voice and his peculiar mode of speech. "You seem distraught. What's troubling you?"

Izzy grimaced. "Please don't mimic me. It's unnerving." Then, he shook his head and glanced at the ceiling. "Is it really alright to just ask? I've been trying to keep up with you, but you cycle through emotions so quickly, I can hardly monitor it, let alone understand it." Amy's eyes widened. She saw herself as being simple, but maybe she was wrong.

After a pause, Amy realized that she was supposed to reply, but she had nothing. "I'm sorry, Izzy. I don't know how to respond to that."

He grinned, if reluctantly. "Fair enough. Allow me to try again. Hello, Amy. How are you? You look nice. Is there anything I can do for you?" He spat out the ritualistic phrases in quick succession, as if to get them done and over with.

An unattractive, snorting chuckle burst from between Amy's lips. "You know what?" she said, going to the closet and picking up her purse. "When you're with me, don't worry about norms and niceties. I like it better when you say things that no one else says." When she turned around, she saw that Izzy's mouth was hanging open. A moment later, he reassembled his face into a typical expression of distant politeness.

"As you will," he muttered. "Shall we?" At Amy's nod, he opened the door for her, and they slipped out.

Somehow, Amy forgot her doubts and nerves, focusing instead on prodding Izzy into a conversation.