Check
"Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Sure. What's up?"
"Okay, well, we need to have A Word. I'm saying this as Chandler's best friend, not as your older brother,"
"So you're not my brother now?"
"Not for the next few minutes,"
"Wow, so this is what being an only child feels like. Pretty good,"
"Monica, I'm serious. You and Chandler are getting married tomorrow and while I'm over the moon, I wanna warn you that-"
"Is this going to be the "If you hurt my best friend I'll kill you," speech, I already heard it from Joey,"
"Aw, man,"
"Two and a half years ago,"
"That's not fair! Two and a half years ago I didn't know you and Chandler were dating,"
"Yeah, I think that's because he wanted to avoid you doing that whole speech to him,"
"Well, I gave it to him earlier and he laughed in my face,"
"You? Threatened Chandler?"
"Yeah. I told him I'd kick his ass if he did anything to hurt you or- Monica! Why are you laughing?"
"Because I can't imagine anything dumber than you and Chandler trying to kick each other's asses,"
"You'd better hope it doesn't come to that. And you'd better not do anything to him which means I have to come after you,"
"I wouldn't. You know that, right? I'd do anything to look after him. I'm crazy about him,"
"I know. I'm so happy for you. For so long I honestly didn't think you'd find anybody,"
"Thanks, Ross,"
"No, I mean, I didn't think anybody would be good enough for you,"
"You're my brother, you have to say that,"
"I didn't think you'd meet anybody you'd be willing to compromise for. You've always known what you want, and I was starting to think that every guy you dated would be intimidated by that, or they'd want different things, or that they'd go crazy and enter the Ultimate Fighting Championship. And then you and Chandler happened and it felt like Oh, this guy. This is the guy she can be patient for. This is the guy she's willing to compromise for,"
"I'm not compromising anything with Chandler,"
"You had to. In the beginning. I know you guys were keeping it a secret but you must have had to compromise on some stuff to stop him freaking out. You had to, you know, go easy on him,"
"I guess,"
"I know you did. And I'm proud of you,"
"Are you saying that as my brother or as Chandler's best man?"
"Umm. Both, I guess,"
"So we're back to normal now?"
"One more reminder that if you hurt him, if you screw him over or make him unhappy, or do anything to make him all anxious and mopey and Stage Four, I will make you very very sorry,"
"You're asking me not to do stuff that will make Chandler anxious? Do you want me to suffocate?"
"Fine, but you know what I mean,"
"And I don't think you can talk about anybody moping after a break-up,"
"I'm serious,"
"Yeah, I know you're serious. Very serious. I'm serious too, Ross. Look, no laughing. No laughing from me at all,"
"Well, good. Stopping my best friend from getting his heart broken isn't funny,"
"My ribs are gonna hurt from holding this laugh in,"
"Okay, I can be your brother again now and I wanna tell you how pleased I am for you and how excited I'm gonna be to watch you get married tomorrow. And I want you to know how proud Nana would be, too,"
"I've been thinking about that a lot,"
"I'm gonna wear those socks she bought me the last Christmas before she died, so it's kind of a part of her being there,"
"You have socks from seven years ago?"
"It's easier for girls- you get to keep jewellery!"
"That's my Something Old, did I tell you? Nana's silver necklace,"
"She'd love that,"
"I know,"
"Monica?"
"Yeah?"
"Now I'm your big brother again, did you say that Joey threatened to kill you?!"
