Chapter Seven
Seated at her desk, a bit hunched over as she reviewed the traffic camera footage playing on her computer screen, Kate felt a twinge of discomfort shoot up through the side of her neck. Wincing, she leaned back and rubbed it with her fingertips for a few moments before slowing tilting her head away from the pain in an attempt to stretch it out. When she caught sight of the bottom right corner of her computer screen, she realized she'd been staring at the footage for nearly half an hour straight, and that was too much time; she definitely needed a break.
Kate rolled her chair out from beneath her desk, rotated the seat ninety degrees, and then used her hands on both arm rests to push herself up and out of the chair. She wasn't quite to the point of needing to stand up in a "belly first" motion, but unfortunately she was getting there. While the swell on her lower abdomen was steadily growing, she had finally fully "popped" two weeks prior. Along with that pop came the end of the disillusion that she could continue wearing her regular clothing. The tops that she owned that were looser in nature still mostly fit, but her fitted blouses certainly did not, and the only pair of existing pants she could wear were baggy sweatpants; all other waist bands either didn't fit at all or were too strained to be comfortable unless she was using the hair tie extender trick she'd read about online.
While Castle had been thrilled to take her maternity clothes shopping (seriously—at one point he may have even skipped down a sidewalk), Kate did not find much joy in it. For starters, purchasing maternity clothing felt like the official end to any sort of denial she could have about her pregnancy. While she had been very much away of her pregnancy from the moment the pregnancy test read positive, she didn't like to think about it too often. After her first few weeks back, her nausea mostly subsided and, other than needing to go to bed promptly at nine-thirty every night due to feeling utterly exhausted, she generally didn't feel she many pregnancy symptoms. Though Castle would make references to the baby and continually doted on her, making sure she had well-balanced meals and drank plenty of fluids, Kate never really brought it up in conversation, almost afraid to talk about the thing she still had so much internal turmoil about.
In addition to those feelings, shopping for maternity clothing had been frustrating on a more practical level because she simply wasn't sure what sizes to get and what styles might be flattering as her waistline continued to grow. When she mentioned some of these concerns aloud, her boyfriend kindly pointed out that she wasn't restricted to just one maternity shopping excursion, and she could always purchase bigger clothing if she needed. Rationally, she knew this, but as it merely added to all the overwhelming feelings she had inside, she simply picked out three pairs of dress pants and an equal number of button-downs and then gave the excuse that she was feeling tired and wanted to lie down.
In her effort to give herself a break from reviewing traffic camera footage, Kate took a lap around the main desk area in the bullpen then made her way into the break room to retrieve the container of carrot and celery sticks Castle had packed for her that morning (he hadn't forbidden her from living on chips and stale snack cakes from the vending machine, but he had made a strong suggestion not to by way of providing her with a paper bag full of healthy snacks every morning before she left for work).
As Kate rummaged through the refrigerator to find which corner her bag had been pushed back into, she thought about the footage she was reviewing. Their current homicide case was what appeared to be a home invasion turned murder. A man had come home after working a night shift to find his girlfriend had been bludgeoned to death in their kitchen. Despite the fact that the kitchen drawers had been pulled out and thrown to the ground and the bedroom appeared similarly tossed, the man had not been able to find anything significant was missing. Kate herself observed that a television and laptop computer remained in the living room, which led her to conclude that the mess was done to give the illusion of a robbery to cover up what was actually a targeted homicide. With that theory in mind, she began reviewing the camera footage while the boys canvassed the area, but so far they had no luck.
With her snacks in hand, Kate returned to her desk, but before she could sit down, she noticed the notification light on her cell phone was blinking. Picking it up she saw she had a missed call and a voice mail from an unknown number. Normally a missed call from an unknown number would not have piqued her interest, but the voicemail had her curious, so she dialed in and listened to the message.
"Hello, this message is for Katherine Beckett. My name is Mindy Frampton and I'm calling from the Open Hearts adoption agency. I'm sorry it's taken so long to get back to you; we've had a staff shortage, but if you're still interested in adoption services, please give me a call back and we can set up a time to discuss our process with you. Thank you!"
Kate's grip on the phone tightened as she slowly lowered it away from her ear. She had nearly forgotten about the inquiry she had made to Open Hearts since it had been nearly two months prior. Not long after she had returned, she had been doing a lot of research into her adoption options and called several agencies to talk about their policies and processes for mothers looking to give up their babies. She had stopped, though, when she'd caught sight of a heartbroken expression on Castle's face when he had overheard one of her calls. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him, but for the sake of her sanity she wanted to keep all of her options on the table.
When it came right down to it, Kate knew she could never give up her baby if Castle was the father. Not only would she not have wanted that, but she knew for certain it would destroy him. Verbally, he maintained the decision was hers and he would support her regardless, but his eyes told her a different story. Plus, she knew how much he loved being a father and how much he wanted to have more children. If the baby was theirs, they would keep it and raise it together; there was no question about that. Unfortunately, there was only a fifty percent chance of that outcome.
Kate continually told herself that if the baby was Tyson's, she would give it up. She was afraid that knowing the baby belong to Tyson would poison her feelings towards him or her and she would not be able to love the baby as unconditionally as she should. Yet at the same time, she was also concerned about giving up a child that was biologically hers. She equally uncertain about giving the baby to another family and never seeing it again, which was why she'd made the inquiries to adoption agencies; she was trying to get an understanding of what an open adoption might look like, but even those came with their own set of issues, such as a potential adopter asking why she, a woman in her early thirties with an established career, was choosing to give up her baby instead of raise it herself. (She acknowledged that question would be a fair one for the adopters to ask, but as the answer was immeasurably complicated, she struggled to decide how exactly to answer it.)
Further complicating all of these potential options swirling through her mind was the fact that she didn't yet know who the father of her baby was. She had decided not to find out her baby's paternity during her pregnancy as either result would have been unbearable. Yes, Castle being the father would have brought joy, but also terror. She was convinced that Tyson would also find out and that would make him even more determined to come after the baby, because it would hurt Castle all the more.
If she didn't find out before the baby was born, that meant a paternity test would need done shortly after birth, but she didn't know how long those results would take. Assuming it took several days, she and Castle would care for that child in that time and then, after being a parent for even just a few days, could she have realistically seen herself giving the baby up if they then found out it wasn't Castle's? She wasn't sure.
In speaking with Lanie about some of these issues, the ME suggested that Kate take the paternity test during her pregnancy, but not open the results until after she had given birth. While that seemed to be quite a logical solution to her problem, Kate wasn't sure she would be able to follow through on not opening the results if they were just sitting in a drawer somewhere. Still, she didn't totally discount the option. It was still viable; she just wasn't sure what the best course of action would be.
As she stood at her desk thinking about the phone call from Open Hearts, she felt a peculiar feeling in her gut. Immediately she grimaced and pressed her palm flat against her belly. Just as she was about to dismiss it as a strange gas pain, she felt it again, only then realizing it definitely was not gas. Nor was it cramping. It was a stranger feeling, almost like something was tickling her from the inside.
"You okay, Beckett?"
"What?" She glanced up to see Esposito observing her carefully from a few feet away. Realizing she must have appeared sickly if Espo had commented on it, she waved her hand casually and said, "Oh yeah—I'm fine," despite the fact that she didn't feel "fine."
Instead, she sat down at her computer and did the exact thing that her doctors had told her not to do: she Googled her symptoms. Fortunately, none of the results told her that she or her baby was dying. Or that she had cancer. Instead, the most likely scenario was actually rather sweet: she had felt her baby move inside her for the first time.
Though the feeling had stopped, Kate leaned back in her chair and put both her hands on her stomach. In a millisecond her perspective with regards to the baby changed. Despite seeing the changes in her body, particularly her breasts and stomach, Kate's idea of the baby had always felt a bit more abstract. Now after that very specific moment of connection with the being growing inside her, she could feel tears burning at the edges of her vision.
Her baby. That was her baby she had felt, no matter Tyson's or Castle's it was hers and yet she still had absolutely no idea what she was going to do.
"Once again, I'm so sorry for being late," Castle said to Kate once they had left the OB-GYN's office and were back out on the sidewalk.
"You didn't miss the ultrasound, Castle; no big deal," Kate said in a genuine tone. Still, the writer felt bad.
Though Castle had never been an overly punctual person, which he mostly attributed to his lifestyle of never needing to be at work at a certain time, he did try to be timely when it came to important events in his life. Sure, he'd show up late to a meeting at Black Pawn now and then, but when it came to Alexis's events, he made sure he was always early. With Kate, he also tried to be as punctual as possible as she was very much a "I show up precisely on time" type of person. When it came to her doctor's appointment, he wanted to be thoroughly dedicated and not make her go through even a second of it alone.
That day's appointment had been the all-important anatomy ultrasound, which was scheduled for Kate's nineteenth week of pregnancy, or the approximate half-way point. Typically, at this appointment couples could find out the gender of their baby, but Kate had been adamant she was not interested in finding out before the birth. As Castle viewed the surprise of a baby's gender to be one of the last true mysteries one could face in modern society, he was happy to go along with her on that plan (though, given his impatient nature, he would have been fine either way).
When Kate scheduled the appointment and gave him the date, he put a reminder in his phone just as he always did. Or, rather, he thought he put a reminder in his phone. Evidently it hadn't saved or had been accidentally deleted. Whatever the case, he'd been entrenched in his work when Kate called him and asked him if he was on his way. He'd panicked and dashed out the door. Thankfully he didn't have to wait at all for the subway and made it to the doctor's office just two minutes after Kate's appointment had begun.
"Well, I am very grateful I got to see the little one—sucking his or her thumb, no less."
Kate let out an airy chuckle. "Yeah, that was cute."
"And I'm really glad everything is okay physically with the baby," he said, splaying his hand over the round bump in her belly.
"Me too."
Not picking up any level of enthusiasm or even moderate happiness in her voice, Castle asked, "Are you alright, love? We can still find out the gender if that's what's bothering you."
"No, no; I don't want to know about that. I just…I guess it feels a lot more real getting to see him or her. I've been feeling them move around for a little bit now just…seeing is a little bit different."
"I totally understand." He smiled at her. He had similar thoughts upon seeing Alexis's ultrasound around the same time period. He hadn't been able to feel her kicks at that point, but watching her move around as the technician tried to get all the right angles and images really brought the reality of her existence to light.
After a mostly quiet ride back to his apartment on the subway, the duo stepped out of the elevator and approached the penthouse door. It was Kate who pointed out the box sitting on the Welcome mat, but as soon as she did, Castle felt a bolt of fear go up his spine and he grabbed her by the arm. "It's him; it's Tyson."
"Are you sure? Eduardo might have brought it up while we were out."
"No," the writer said firmly. "If he does, he leaves the boxes label up—always. Plus, he would have said something as we walked by him in the lobby."
Kate carefully approached and nudged the box a little with her foot.
"No!" Castle yelped. "It could be a bomb."
She shot him a look over his shoulder. "Bombs aren't Tyson's MO. Besides as we've already established: he doesn't want to hurt me."
"But it's on my apartment door."
"And Tyson surely knows we spend nearly all of our time together," she rationalized. Then, she moved to crouch down beside the box, only got stuck and lost her balance. Castle was quick enough to grab her shoulders and steady her before she fell over, but when he helped her stand once again she let out a rather embarrassed laugh. "Well, I guess I'm getting to big to do that."
He pressed a kiss onto her cheek then gestured to the box saying, "Let me."
After crouching down by the box in order to examine it, Castle determined that the packing tape sealing it up was rather loose, so he went to reach out for it, but then thought better of it. Years of shadowing Kate Beckett had taught him never to touch something that might be used as evidence (and most of the time he remembered that). He dipped his hand into his jacket pocket, found an old Dunkin Donuts napkin, and used that to grip the edge of the packing tape and rip it off the box. As the flaps separated, a light blue colored domed object began peeking out. Kate stepped forward and used the toe of her shoe to lift up the flap and allow two balloons to float up and out. They were anchored inside the box, so they didn't float away, but they hit their maximum height just about their eye level allowing clear view of their message.
"It's a boy; it's a girl," Castle read the balloons glumly. For these presents were clearly meant to be congratulation balloons for the birth of a son or daughter. Or, in their case, the reveal of a baby's gender. "Son of a bitch…he knew about our appointment."
"Yeah." Kate agreed with a sigh. "I'll call it in to Gates."
While Kate stepped away, Castle clenched his teeth and set his jaw as he stared down at what should have been a smile-inducing gift, but in reality it just made his stomach flip over in his gut. Tyson was still watching them, which wasn't surprising, but it once again served as a reminder that they weren't safe and never could be with the serial killer turned kidnapper on the loose.
Not one-hour earlier Castle had been beating himself up because he had been late to Kate's appointment due to the fact that he was wrapped up in research, trying to see if he could use real estate records to find the lair he believed Tyson had in the city. As that dedication had nearly caused him to miss an important event in Kate's pregnancy, which surely would have caused her to feel disappointed, he'd almost been ready to throw in the towel on his search for Tyson. To that point, he had been fully dedicated to it even while knowing he had a less than one percent chance at success, and was that one percent really worth upsetting Kate over?
Now, though, he felt renewed determination. Tyson was mocking them by making them feel unsettled at his place of residence and he wouldn't stand for it. Though he was sure the building's security cameras would show nothing, that didn't mean he couldn't put up a fight. He would find the most high-tech, bypass-proof surveillance equipment in existence and rig up his entire apartment building if that's what it took. Tyson had snuck in once to kidnap them, a second time to return Castle, and now this time to leave the gift—not to mention the times he'd snuck in the prior year to frame Castle for murder. He was bound to do it again and that time Castle would catch it on camera; he was sure of it.
