Hi all! I REALLY enjoyed writing this chapter, since it again has so many elements from the original. Also - one thing I wanted to mention was that in the original June was a very observant person. This was something I did want to carry forward, along with her chronic shyness and fear of moving outside of her comfort zone. That's why you see it here and there.
Anyway, hope everyone's having a wonderful day and that you enjoy this chapter :D
Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
A few things happened in the immediate aftermath of the dance: first, Sirius' fanclub – something that had been annoying him for far too long – finally simmered down. A combination of his anger, some of his hexing, and his glaring had clued the girls in to the fact that their strategy had not been well received. Second, McGonagall gave him detention for what he did to Aubrey. No amount of wheedling around the technicality of having swollen his head outside of Hogwarts grounds would convince her of his innocence.
Third, Williams was too angry to speak to him. This he didn't understand in the slightest, and he was too proud to ask her why. She turned away from him the moment she saw him, and any belligerent "I did nothing wrong!"s fell on deaf ears. At one point, so angry she had turned white, she shoved a book in his hands and said icily, "Since you like reading so much." It was a children's book, which was insulting – and about a boy who seemed to be enjoying destroying things in his vicinity.
Sirius, furious with this trick, didn't feel like bothering more after that. And he certainly was not going to give Where The Wild Things Are more of his time than necessary. Weirdly, Lily and the rest weren't on his side of this. As her friends, he had expected them to agree to the fact that she needed an ounce of spunk more.
"You're really not seeing it from her perspective," said Remus, slamming a thick book on top of an ever growing pile of thick books. He carried that to his table in the library, and opened the one on top. "You need to ask her why she's so angry – not explain why you're not wrong."
"Well, I'm too angry myself," grumbled Sirius. Remus looked cross.
James hadn't been able to contribute to any of this, since he was floating on the cloud of Evans' approval. He hadn't seen them do much after the dance, but she clearly had a more favourable opinion of him since she had given him a copy of Jane Eyre. Sirius was still getting through Old Man Goriot, but he was eyeing Evans' copy of Jane Eyre. Seemed to be the sort of thing his reader might like.
But then he found James discussing the finer points of Mr Rochester's house and he found himself sickened by their flirting. They were seated in the common room, with Marlene on the carpet, peeling through a newspaper. Mary seemed least concerned with any conversation, busy as she was with her essay. Sirius wasn't even sure if Lily's friends had found himself and James first, or if James had found Lily's friends and gravitated there, taking Sirius with him. Lily and James were on the sofa, oblivious to everyone else.
"You can't think that's reasonable of him, though –" Lily was saying animatedly, just as James said, "But he was just trying to find out if she liked him – I mean, I've done worse."
"You're nothing like Rochester, Potter," said Lily.
"I mean – I've tried to find out if a girl likes me in weird ways –"
"This isn't weird, this is manipulative. You're not manipulative, Potter. You're a right arrogant clodpole, sure –"
"Girls, please," said Marlene with a sigh. She turned a page of her paper. "You're both pretty."
Sirius looked away. It wasn't that he hated Jane Eyre – he would just like to talk about it, too. Not to Evans, of course – but to whoever his reader was. He had never asked her for more, but something was prickling uncomfortably in his chest since his fight with June. He hadn't been able to finish reading Goriot.
Obviously, that was when she chose to enter. Her eyes swept across the common room and rested on the corner where Sirius was sitting with James – and her dorm mates had encroached on their territory. Nose in the air, she walked off.
Mary glanced at Marlene. Sirius caught the glance, slumping in the sofa. "Agrippa, I don't know what her problem is."
Marlene stared at him, long and hard. "You… don't?"
Lily and James had stopped arguing to look at him as well.
"Look, I'm not going to apologise for saying what I think," said Sirius, jutting his chin out. "She's shy – and that's nice and everything, but if someone is bullying you, you should say something, right?"
"And you don't know… why she might have been so shy?" asked Mary, treading with caution.
"No!" declared Sirius. "I haven't the slightest why she's so upset."
Marlene scrutinised him further. "Put simply, Black – she isn't someone who's had the best experiences with bullies."
"That's not much of an excuse," he snarled. "It's been going on for weeks. Why didn't she put a stop to it?"
Lily, Marlene and Mary shared A Look. As soon as James saw it, he swallowed. There was some sort of agreement between them in that moment, and it was very clear very fast that someone had to take the lead. Lily leaned forward, took a deep breath, and James made a silent prayer. Then:
"You were horrible to her growing up, Sirius," she said in gentle voice.
"What?" he said, stunned. "No, I wasn't."
"I'd argue you were the worse of the rest," said Marlene shrewdly. "You really don't remember?"
"Remember what?" his eyes were flashing.
"Do you remember that notice you put out in third year, with a list of girls who shouldn't be wearing skirts?" Mary said.
"Oh," he said. "She was on it? But she wasn't the only one –"
"You called her 'that blonde girl that rooms with Evans and McKinnon, it does her no favours because Evans is much prettier,'" supplied Mary.
Sirius looked vaguely ill.
"You burned her notebooks in second year. She was just in the way," added Lily.
He could feel the blood leaving his body. He felt frozen and thunderstruck. And he knew just how important her notebooks and books were.
"Do you really not remember?" asked Marlene. She didn't seem to be holding back at all. "You were awful to her, Black. She came back crying on five separate occasions during third year."
"Oh, god," he groaned. "Fuck."
There was an uncomfortable pause as this information settled.
"She can't think I would still do those things, do you? I mean – I must have been thirteen!"
"Look – you weren't alone," said Mary, with as much kindness as possible. "She had a fair share of people who were hurtful simply because. Marlene and I got away because we were friends with Lily, and since you boys were the biggest bullies in the school…"
"We weren't bullies," began James. "We were sometimes –"
"James, you levicorpused anyone Slytherin in your vicinity," said Lily, her mouth a hard line.
"I – well –" he massaged the back of his neck with a hand.
"And don't you dare claim you didn't do anything to people who didn't deserve it," continued Lily. "June's one example, but I know you did something horrible to Sarah Freegood's hair, comparing it to mine. She cried for a day in the girl's bathroom in second year."
He was looking increasingly uncomfortable. "I'm sorry," he said.
"Don't apologise to me," said Lily in a business-like tone. "But it's good to know you are. Sorry, that is."
Sirius, meanwhile, was having something like an existential crisis. He stood up and paced around the coffee table. "So when she said 'that's rich, coming from you,'" he began, turning to Mary.
She nodded, but only just. "Look – she – she likes you now," she said. "She does, she really does. I've never seen her so cheerful."
"And Williams isn't known for cheer," Marlene said in reluctant support.
"God – that's – that's not enough. I'm going to go find her."
"She's in the dorm," said Lily.
"Can you get her? Please?" he said, this time addressing Marlene.
"Why me?" said Marlene, hackles instantly raised.
"She listens to you," said Sirius. "I know she does. More than Evans. Or Freegood, for that matter."
"It's honestly offensive – but he's not wrong," sighed Lily.
Marlene got up. "I'm only doing this because Mary is pleading most earnestly on your behalf behind your back," she said. "Personally I think June ought to have castrated you the minute you tried to be friends with her, but that's all for nought."
"I love you!" he called after her as she stalked off.
There was a silence. Sirius began pacing dizzily around the coffee table again.
"Lily?" said James.
"Mm?" hummed Lily, through a curtain of her hair.
"I really am. Sorry, I mean."
Lily sighed. "I know. But I can't very well forgive you for something that never hurt me. Go apologise to Sarah."
"You won't make me apologise to Snape?"
"I think apologising to Severus would just put you in harm's way," she said candidly. "But you may try."
A few more moments paced in silence. Sirius didn't seem anywhere close to calm. "Settle down, Black, you're making me nauseous!" Mary ordered.
He made a face at her, but sat down. As soon as he landed on the sofa, June appeared from the stairs.
He immediately jumped to his feet.
She glared at him as she approached them. "I only came because Marlene said she might kill you if you kept annoying them. She made a very persuasive case for how it would be on my head should she end up in Azkaban. I don't want Marlene to end up in Azkaban."
"Thatta girl," said Marlene, floating past them.
Sirius shook his hair with his hand. "Look – I – can we take a walk?"
She seemed unwilling, but from behind Sirius, Mary's face pleaded. "Fine," she said.
They were watched by the others as they took to the portrait hole. Mary sighed happily.
"You are such a romantic," said Marlene. She seemed displeased by the thought, but melted when Mary sent her a flying kiss.
June didn't say anything as they walked. Sirius was unable to pierce the silence. Five minutes passed. Ten. Fifteen.
"Where are we going?" she asked, finally.
"The bridge?" he said, perking up at the sound of her voice.
She nodded, her lips thin. He instantly deflated.
The rest of the way went with no speaking whatsoever. Sirius didn't know how to broach the issue at hand, and she wasn't giving any entry points. Once they reached the bridge, she leaned against the railing and looked out at the grounds.
"Williams?" he said.
No sound.
"I'm really sorry."
Half a chuckle of a sound.
"I – I mean it. I'm sorry I was so hard on you, I didn't – I didn't realise –"
"What?" she snapped, turning to him. The last of the sunlight flashed in her eyes. They glowed hazel-yellow.
"I didn't realise I was such a terrible person to you," he said. "Your dorm mates told me – the things I did to you. I didn't – I was thirteen, and very stupid – I know – I know that's not an excuse –"
She continued to stare at him. Somehow, without the hair and everything she hid behind, it was hard to look at her eyes.
"I didn't… remember, which is worse. I have nothing to offer in my defence. Only that I am sorry, and I won't insist anymore."
It was still winter, so they were overlooking the sun setting over a cold Hogwarts. The insects weren't back yet, so there was really nothing but silence.
"Alright," she said.
He stared at her. "Alright?"
"Alright," she repeated.
She turned away, but he couldn't quite stop staring. The sunset washed over them, like a bath. Everything looked golden.
She became conscious, and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear.
"What?" she asked.
"Um," he swallowed. "You – your eyes."
"Is there something in them?" she asked, her fingers near her eyebrows. Her lashes were gold.
"You – you look pretty," he said.
She blushed, turned away. Her eyes were gone, he knew instantly. She had hidden them behind her hair again – she wasn't looking at him properly – she was back to her half glances, half watching.
"You don't believe me, do you?" he asked.
She laughed sarcastically. It came from somewhere in her hair again. "I don't know if Mary told you –"
"I know what she said. I know what I said," he said, his voice hard. "You look b- pretty, Williams."
He felt her roll her eyes from behind the hair. The sun dipped closer to the horizon, the gold fading fast.
He gripped her wrist.
"I mean it," he said.
He was forcing her to look at him, he knew. She matched his eyes – even as the sun melted, and the yellow seemed to be a lot lesser. But he knew her eyes were hazel-yellow now. There was no hiding that.
"Okay," she said quietly.
She was a little close, he realised. He dropped her hand.
She turned away from him. "Um," she said. "We should –"
"Yeah, you're right," he murmured, looking away as well.
There was something strange that happened between them, he realised later. He wasn't quite sure what it was, but it felt like something unsaid had been in the air. It had been heard by the sunlight and no one else. For everyday after, it felt like the world gossiped about them during sunset.
One of the things that happened in the original was that the first time Sirius looks at June's eyes, he's a bit arrested. The inner fifteen year old in me really wanted to do that again, so I think I have copied the emotional beats of that moment almost exactly.
The second thing that borrows from the original story beats is Sirius being a bit of a bully. I figured I could do that with him being thirteen instead in this version, and I have left a few hints about it here and there in the rest of the story.
As always, love reviews!
