Y'all I COMPLETELY forgot to update this story even though my update day is yesterday. I am sorry! It's also a short chapter so I am double sorry. But anyway the next update is scheduled for sunday, don't worry, things are good.
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander
She was watching Professor Flitwick studiously. Her back was ramrod straight. You'd think she flinched for a second when she heard James and Sirius enter, but it was a blink-and-you'll-miss-it flinch.
Sirius and James enter the classroom, and they were talking about something. Sarah rolled her eyes openly.
He didn't head to their desk, but she felt him pausing for a second. He came to their desk and waved gingerly. June smiled back, although her heart did feel a little clenched up.
"What's up, Black?" said Sarah evenly, flipping through her textbook.
"All good, Freegood," responded Sirius.
And then he was gone. June took a deep breath of relief.
"You really are a piece of work, June," Sarah said irritably.
June saw from the corner of her eye as he went to his own desk, some of the girls of his fanclub surrounding him. He seemed a little cross with that kind of attention, but it wasn't enough for her to keep her heart from sinking. She knew it was her own fault for being too nervous to talk to him, but that wasn't enough for her to go talk to him.
It wasn't like the whole thing got any easier. Everyone and their sister seemed to want details: she was accosted in her classes, during lunch, in the corridors. Mostly by his fanclub, that wanted to know what her angle was. She could dodge these questions largely thanks to Sarah and Marlene, who seemed to be clued into the fact that this was happening, and had assigned everyone roles to stop any kind of interrogations. She was escorted from class to class by a variety of individuals – Mary, Lily, and on one memorable occasion – Peter.
"Don't ask," he mumbled. "Sirius told me that you didn't have anyone during this shift."
As babied as that made her feel, she was somewhat grateful. She didn't think she could take one more thing – and being demanded answers by second year girls would have just made the cup spill over.
Unluckily, she also found that she couldn't quite look at Sirius in the eye. It wasn't that she wasn't happy – sometimes, she would remember the evening they had in North Tower, and her stomach was constantly butterflies. She knew Sarah was just being a considerate friend – but her face kept breaking out into smiles. None of this, however, expressed itself when she was around him.
Within a few days, she could see he had cottoned on. She ran into him near the stairwell to the dormitories, and he smiled at her very cautiously.
"Hello," he said.
June squeaked and ran off.
When she was around Sirius Black, she was tongue tied, usually blushing, and incapable of looking at him directly. This was funny at first – but Sarah got tired of having to be the buffer between them that allowed June to look like a normal human being.
"You have to speak to him if it's bothering you this much," snapped Sarah. "You can't keep running away from this, June. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we tried having you escape to the higher lands."
How could June explain just how nervous he made her? They had bulldozed over it while they were becoming friends, pushed through it when they were exchanging books – but that had taken her so much getting used to. This was not something anyone seemed to understand – that fundamentally, she was still just panicky when she thought of Sirius Black. Of being this close to someone who was very popular in the castle, someone who had hurt her.
It really didn't help that they shared so many classes, either. She could tell Sirius had been hoping that she would sit with him for some of them, and she exasperated everyone by not doing that. Marlene was ready to strangle her. Even Peter looked annoyed.
He looked confused at first, during one Transfiguration class. As the day progressed and she couldn't even speak to him properly, he turned from confusion to distress.
To avoid… that… during Charms, she slipped away after Care of Magical Creatures. She had stuffed her Fantastic Beasts into her bag, hurried away just before Sarah or Marlene could frogmarch her to Sirius. Instead, she headed to the edge of the forest. She knew where Hagrid kept the thestrals – he'd taken her there a few times. She sat on the log conveniently placed like a bench in the paddock. She had timed her arrival well – Hagrid had already left some carcasses for the herd.
It was quiet there. She saw a carcass disappear eerily as invisible mouths fed on it. She didn't mind thestrals, though. They had never caused her that much unease. They were just… invisible creatures. Like her.
She sat down on the logs. One of them approached her – she didn't really have anything to offer. She felt for his nose and hoped that she was being comforting rather than invasive. It harrumphed when it realised she had nothing to offer and walked off.
"Why did you run away?"
"Merlin –"
She clutched her heart and turned around. "What do you want, Lupin?"
He crossed the grass and sat down next to her.
"Why did you run away?"
She considered asking him how he knew where she was, but it felt like a lost cause. Even Sirius, somehow, always knew where to find her. Right now, however, she had more pressing matters to deal with. "What do you want me to say?" she inquired.
"The truth, ideally," said Remus evenly. He pushed the nose of a thestral away.
She sighed, running her hands through her hair. "I don't know what to tell you."
"You ought to tell me something," said Remus. "Chances are, I'd understand."
June swallowed. Her eyes travelled over his tired face.
"I feel very nervous around him," she said quietly. "I've never done this before. Friendship, dating, being around people without feeling like a shadow. He's… everything I'm not. And he's – he's – this is going to sound silly –"
"Try me."
June took a breath. "He's so popular, Remus. He wasn't the best person I knew in third year, but even I could see how popular he was. He's seen so many girls. I can't… compete with that. I'm not very pretty, I'm not very smart. I'm kind of boring, really."
"You're worrying over the wrong thing," murmured Remus. "You don't have to compete with any of those girls, because he's never really liked them. If you want to use some of your pity, use it on me. I have to compete with you."
June chuckled. "I'm not much competition, Remus."
"You'd be surprised," said Remus. "You're the strongest contender. I'm throwing the challenge. He likes you too much."
"You didn't really try for you to throw it, though."
It was Remus' turn to chuckle. "Good point," he said. "I didn't want to. I don't want Sirius Black giving his heart to me. I wouldn't know what to do with it, what with who I am. This part… you might not understand."
She took a breath. "I… might."
He searched her. "Do you?"
She nodded. "It wasn't hard to put the pieces together. I noticed in third year."
He gave a low whistle. She hesitated on whether she should tell him more, but she decided to go ahead anyway:
"I also had… Sirius' A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration. For four people with so many secrets, you lot sure are careless with them."
He smiled. "I bet you aren't alone, either."
"I think Lily knows," said June honestly. "She's the type to have noticed."
"Wouldn't be surprised."
The hum of the forest surrounded them. Distantly, she heard what was a squack of sound, and the clopping of hooves.
"I keep feeling like I'm going to do something wrong," June muttered.
Remus seemed to be pondering something. The sunlight fell on his sandy hair, and he examined a scar on his arm. "I hadn't ever done this before too, you know. I never expected to be able to come to Hogwarts, I had never had friends before I did, and I didn't know what to do when Sirius said he wanted to become an animagus for the transformations. I felt like I was tricking them into being good to me."
June allowed the silence to settle, wondering if she should say anything.
"I know it feels odd, especially if you haven't done it for five years – but what could you do wrong, June?" said Remus gently. "You aren't actively trying to hurt him. The only person remotely in pain is me, really. And don't worry – I'll hold you to it."
June finally laughed. "I really didn't want to," she said, trying her best to be serious. "I didn't, really. I hope it's not too hard for you."
"Yeah, I'm wracked with agony," said Remus, rolling his eyes. "It's alright, June, really. It's a crush, and I stand by what I said. I don't want Sirius Black giving his heart to me. To be honest… you've sort of made it easier. It was hard in the beginning, but I like you, and he likes you. It's not that difficult to comprehend."
She smiled. "You don't just give your heart to him, though."
Remus looked away. "No, but I don't think I did. Not yet, anyway."
"You should," nodded June. "Someday."
"And cut your chances?"
"We're in the middle of a war, you know," she said with a smile. "Not exactly where romance thrives."
"It's a good reason to try, though."
June sighed. "Unfortunately."
He grinned. He leaned forward, his palms pressing into the log. "It is lucky it's you. No one else would be the exact opposite of everything he is."
"I know," she sighed. "I have a framework for friendship. This… might take longer."
"There's no point telling me," he rolled his eyes. "Tell him."
She looked at the sky. "Everyone keeps saying that."
Remus laughed. "That's because it's true."
June thought about the copy of Keats' poetry lying on her bedside table. "Alright," she said.
"Alright?"
"Alright."
Yeah June's inability to look Sirius in the eye was directly lifted from the original. I don't know if the build up is done right, I do feel like this is one of my more sloppy chapters, but I didn't have the energy to edit it too much. I am sorry again, wow thats a third time, this chapter has a lot to answer for.
As always, I love reviews!
