The klaxon only ever sounded off when something serious had happened. Something of only the utmost importance, that demanded all of their attention. One could say whatever they liked about Penguin Logistics, but they were nothing if not diligent where it counted.

Exusiai was the first one in the meeting room. She swooped in from an adjacent door, sliding up to the oval-shaped table with a deadpan salute. Next was Sora, who only ever looked this serious when she was incredibly worried - and she was only ever incredibly worried when the klaxon sounded off. The two operators exchanged worried glances, but their wordless expressions had given it away: neither one of them had sounded the alarm.

If the two of them were to count between them, how many times they had seen Texas well and truly worried about something, they would only need one hand between the both of them. Two, maybe three times? Yet here she was now, walking in with a quickness and a vigor and a certain look about her that left Sora and Exusiai more than a little bit worried.

"Texas," the redheaded Sankta spoke up, "what's wrong?"

"Not now," was Texas's immediate reply, "wait until we're all here."

Croissant was next. She looked around the meeting room and gave her coworkers a tiny smile, if only to ease the tension a little bit. When no one smiled back, the frown made its way back to her face.

"Alright," said Exusiai, "now will you—"

With one hand, Texas silenced Exusiai. In her opposite palm was a cell phone, and she was staring down at the screen to confirm something that required most of her attention. "Lappland and Mostima are almost here. Just wait a little bit longer, please."

With that, everyone else immediately stiffened.

"What the hell?! Them too? You NEVER ask Lappland OR Mostima for help!" Exusiai spoke with more conviction than she meant to use. It was enough to motivate Croissant to speak up next.

"Y-yo, Tex… What's goin' on here? This must be REAL serious for us ta use the klax like that…'' She knit her brow with worry, looking Texas up and down for any hints as to what was going on. "Does this REALLY gotta involve Lapp and Most, too?"

"It involves them as much as it involves us," Texas told her, sagging her shoulders, like she was holding the weight of the entire world on them. Croissant swallowed hard, nodding in the affirmative.

Suddenly, there came a sound from the next room. A telltale clatter, and the jingle of keys. "Hey," called a voice, "where is everyone?"

"In here, Lappland," Texas called back. Lappland came into the room, giving everyone a wolfish grin.

"Good morning, Texas and friends. What's—" She doesn't finish her sentence.

"Sit down, Lappland. Now."

"Wow, Texas. What's got you all wound-up like this? Another bad mixer, eh? You'll find that special someone, don't worry. But remember: you better introduce me to… them…"

When Lappland saw that Texas was nowhere close to laughing, she sat down wordlessly. Mostima came into the room last, and quietly, almost as if she had been here the entire time. She gives a wave to everyone and no one at once, before she holds her hands together and stands off to the side, in full view of all operators.
Exusiai is immediately suspicious, and she's not so shy that she won't call such behavior out when she sees it. "Mostima? Do you know what's going on?"

"I do," said Mostima. She guiltily avoids Exusiai's gaze, much to the redhead's growing anxiety. Mostima was never like this. Whatever this was, this was the real deal.

Everyone is looking at everyone else, even when the alarm finally stops ringing. The gang's all here. Everyone except Emperor, who they knew was conducting business elsewhere. Lappland looks at Texas, and Exusiai, and Croissant. Croissant is glaring nervously at Lappland, then Mostima. Mostima pointedly avoids eye contact with everyone, and Exusiai hates this more than anything else, right now.

Texas looks around at all of her friends, and she sighs. Heavily. "Thank you all for coming here," she says, first and foremost. "I'm sorry for troubling you all. But yes, this concerns all of us. Each and every one of us…"

"Tex?" Operator Croissant is wringing her hands together, with an uncharacteristic nervousness. "Heh, the suspense is killin' me… just lay it out, yeah? Come on now. We're big girls. We can take it real good."

That's when Mostima flinches. All this time, Exusiai has been looking right at her.

"You're right," Texas tells Croissant. "I'd better rip the bandage off right now, before it gets worse. We're being watched."

"What?" Exusiai doesn't even know what more to say, other than what.

"Someone knows about us. All of us. Our relationships to one another. What we do. Our pasts… our habits, proclivities," said Texas. As she spoke, she started to move into another room, and everyone watched her leave. When she came back into the meeting room, she was wheeling something in. A shrouded cart, which presumably had all this evidence that enlightened Texas to this revelation.

"Oh come now… is that all?" Lappland crossed her arms, sneering.

"Lapp?" Croissant frowned.

"Silly Texas… just as naïve as the day we met," she told the other Lupo, snickering as if she knew something that no one else did. "Of course we're being spied on. Me," she gestured to herself, "you," she pointed at Texas, "and all your cute little friends. Did you forget that you're Penguin Logistics now? That little penguin - is he not a musical artist of some kind? I don't listen to that racket, but… you see where I'm going with this, don't you? As a matter of fact… you!"

Lappland pointed right at Sora, who scowled almost immediately. "You ARE an idol, yes?"

"That's right," Sora mumbled.

"Are idols not so popular that they have rabid, raving fanatics?"

Sora didn't say anything, because she didn't have to. What's more, she didn't enjoy proving Lappland right in any capacity. Despite her silence, Lappland smiled wide.

"Then there's your special blade technique… ahh, that Texas family technique! Need me to go on?" She shakes her head and taps her temple. "Texas, you silly fool… of course we are all being watched. We're all rather special operators, not simply affiliated with this Penguin Logistics Clubhouse ," she speaks the faction name like it's poisonous, "but with Rhodes Island, as well!"

"Lappland," said Texas, "you really don't understand anything."

"Really now? Then please, are you willing to elaborate for the rest of the class?"

This is what prompts Texas to lift the veil from the cart she had just wheeled in, revealing quite a few books. Most of them couldn't have had more than 50 pages; flimsy, amateurish things. Croissant and Sora, who were sitting furthest from the cart, and from Texas, have to squint a little to even realize what they're looking at.

Mostima shuffles uncomfortably and avoids looking at the cart entirely, much less the books resting on top of it. She already knew what it was, of course.

"Are those manga?" Exusiai's lip wobbles in a half-smile; she's naively wondering if this is some kind of joke.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, this is completely serious.

"Manga?" Lappland reaches out for one, and Texas slides her a book. "Come on, I thought you had called us all here for something serious, not independent reading time. Or are you branding Penguin Logistics as a book club now, too?"

ANGEL CONNECTION EXUSIAI: Putting It DEEP In Her ANUS! Volumes 1 - 20

She just looked at the title and immediately aged by 10 years.

Lappland doesn't blink. It all finally sinks in. The more she looks, the WORSE it gets. Right there on the cover of the manga - of the doujin - was the titular Sankta herself. Exusiai was being bent over the arm of a couch, with a massive man's hand grabbing a large clump of hair. She was wincing as if she was in pain, and her skirt and stockings had been torn apart. Behind the massive man seemed to be an entire line of people just waiting to have a turn. And was that Mostima in the background, too?!

Lappland clenched her fists tight, the doujin crumpling somewhat in her grip. "What in the world is this? Why are you showing me this filth? Get this nonsense out of my sight!" Lappland slid the doujin across the table closer to Exusiai, so she could see it for herself.

"Oh, excuse me ," Texas said, with mock exaggeration, "you'd prefer to be the main character, right?"

Lappland gave pause. "I beg your pardon?"

"No need to beg. It's all right here." Texas held up another doujin for everyone to see. Everyone but Exusiai had their eyes on it, because Exusiai was staring at the doujin in her hands where she was the main character, and she was dying on the inside.

"W-w-w-w…" Exusiai, normally so lax, was now stiff as a board. Typically, she knew just what to say. But now? She was speechless. Utterly speechless. She traced a finger around her drawn self, wishing so badly that she could help her, somehow. Maybe put her pants back on; dress the poor thing and get her some chocolate milk.

Exusiai had never seen porn of herself before, but she knew now that she really hated it. She saw that she looked so anguished on the cover of the book and she really hoped that things got better for her within the pages (they didn't) or that the doujin at least had a happy ending (it didn't) and that everything was at least a little bit consensual (it REALLY wasn't).

Poor Exusiai looked as though she was going to start tearing up from the shock factor alone. Does she dare to open the book? She really didn't know what to expect. Much like Lappland, she was currently feeling very strong emotions about the entire ordeal. And speaking of Lappland…

The book that Texas now held up starred the white and wild Lupo herself. This one was titled: LAPPLAND PUSSY SANDWICH and nothing else. What more could you say? Could you not glean all that you needed to know from Lappland Pussy Sandwich?

Lappland didn't think so. She made grabby hands at the book in Texas's possession, eyes alight with a sudden fury. "Give me that," she cried, "give it right here!"

Texas slides the book across the table, whereupon Lappland immediately snatches it and begins leafing through the book's pages. It was just as she feared.

Hardcore pornography, and she's the main character. The premise was simple enough that even a child could follow along with the story: in this one, Lappland and Mostima (there she is again!) are cooking together, and after a series of fun little dares, the two engage in sexual roughhousing, in the kitchen.

It was also worth mentioning that Mostima had a giant dick in this one.

Lappland immediately looked up at the blue-haired angel, who wilted beneath the Lupo's hard gaze. Mostima was normally so laissez-faire - so laid-back - and to see her react so viscerally to all of this adult material was at once amusing and frightening.

"I'm so confused…" Sora mumbled, daring to speak up as Texas slid her a doujin that starred her. "Are you saying that… someone is writing stories about us?"

"And they're not entirely inaccurate stories, either," said Texas.

"What are you saying?" Sora chewed on her lip nervously. "A-are you telling me that I have sex with my fans in this story?" She showed off the doujin she was holding. This one was titled: CHIMERA CUNT TICKET | BACKSTAGE ASS PASS . The cover of the doujin showed that Sora was naked on stage, but for a pair of frilly pink panties and a matching bra. There were strange-looking devices tied to her thighs, with thin wires running into her nethers - vibrators? - and the crowd seemed to love her performance. And was that Mostima in the crowd as well?

"Is Mostima in most of these? Or all of them?" Exusiai made a face of disgust.

"Yes," said Texas.

"So… she's got something to do with this, just like I thought!"

"Trust me… I thought the same. But unfortunately, it isn't that simple." Texas looked over at Mostima, who seemed to be just as unhappy with this as everyone else. "I looked into this matter first, to make sure this wasn't the sick prank of someone in this room. As far as I can tell… all of us are innocent."

"Bullshit!" Exusiai pointed accusingly at Mostima, who already saw this coming from a mile away. "She's got the most to gain from humiliating us like this!"

"Exusiai, please…" Texas raised a hand, frowning. "Put your rivalry aside for a moment and think rationally, here."

"Or maybe it was you!" Exusiai pointed to Lappland, whose eyes were glued to the pages of SANKTA'S INNER SANCTUM | ANGEL FALL BATHROOM STALL .

This one's actually a classic.

"Exusiai, that's enough," said Texas.

"B-but!"

"I'm just as frustrated about this as you are," the Lupo continued, "but this isn't the way to go about this. We need to stop and think rationally for at least a minute. Put our heads together."

"Th-this is crazy!" Sora was white with fear as she quickly flipped through the pages of her doujin. "Whoever wrote this… they got my birthmark right! It's in the right spot, it's the right shape…" She looked up at everyone. "B-but I don't have sex with my fans!"

"I know," said Texas.

"I don't have sex with my fans!"

"I know , Sora," Texas repeated.

"I would never ever have sex with my—"

Croissant let out a low whistle, slowly turning a page in the book in her own hands. "Well I'll be," she mutters, " VIOLENT BULL RIDIN' CROSS-EYED CROISSANT ain't a bad read. Ain't a bad read at all…"

"You think this is funny?" Exusiai asked, which caused the Forte defender to smile, if only a little bit.

"Well… could be worse, yeah?" Croissant closed the book, setting it aside. "Thought a gosh-darned bomb went off when I heard that alarm… turns out, it was just a bombshell of breaking news… now I ain't one to shrug offa problem, but think about what Lapp said. We're kinda famous, ain't we? T'be honest…" She adjusted her cap, exhaling with some resignation. "I'm kinda surprised this ain't happened sooner."

"Unbelievable…"

"Is it really?"

"Unforgivable!"

"Ehehe. Maybe so. Cheer up, apple pie - let's not start boiling over 'till we got all our ingredients in the pot…" Croissant leaned back and cleared her throat. "Okay Mosty… you clearly know what's goin' on here better than all of us. Why don't you come clean and fill us in?"

"It would seem that Mostima does quite a lot of filling in these stories," Lappland said, shaking her head with disbelief, "and what's more, if these stories are to be believed… then Mostima also has quite the sufficient equipment… to do all of this filling." She cracked a smile, leaning in a bit closer. "You filthy angel… you have one, don't you? I believe you know what I'm referring to."

Mostima ignored her question. "I have nothing to do with any of this," she said, honestly. "But, I was the first to know about it. After my latest transport," she elaborated, "the customer wanted to tip me for my service. I assured him there was no need, and that's when he opened up one of the packages and handed this to me…"

Mostima held up a new book with both hands. On the cover of this book were… Mostima, and Exusiai. The former seemed to be pinning the latter to the wall; Exusiai had tears in her eyes, and she seemed to be bruised considerably. Bleeding, even.

"H-hang on…" Exusiai looked at her own book, and she looked through some of the pages. "W-why am I always getting hurt in these?! What gives?!"

"You seem to get hurt in almost all of these," Texas told her, "either through sexual assault, torture, or because… within the context of the story, you bite off more than you can chew." Texas's expression didn't change once as she explained it.

Exusiai felt her heart shatter to pieces. "P-PEOPLE MAKE STORIES WHERE I GET RAPED?!"

"With considerable frequency."

Mostima chimed in. "And I typically have a… a giant penis."

"So," said Lappland, "do you not actually have one?"

Mostima ignores Lappland's question again. "Needless to say, when I discovered all of this… I thought it was prudent to tell Texas. And now here we are."

"So," Croissant started, "the short version: some people out there - maybe some kinda fan club, or group'a degenerates, or a website or somethin' - they're makin'... porn of us. Some of it's accurate. Some of it's really mean. Well-written, or well-drawn, to hell with it. It's goin' on, and it oughta stop. I get all that right?"

"That's correct," said Texas, clearing her throat. She was blushing. "Not only is this a danger to our privacy - I mean for goodness sake, Rhodes Island's landship is detailed well enough in some of these pages, to say nothing of our home address - but material like this is liable to make it hard for us to find work. I can only imagine what Madam Ch'en must think of this entire ordeal."

"So what do we do?" Croissant smirked, cracking her knuckles. "We bouta bust some skulls?"

"No," said Texas, "we read it. All of it."

"Sure. That tracks." Croissant gestured like she was smoking. "You fuckin' crackhead. You want us to read ALL THIS SMUT?"

"Yes." Texas held her hands together. "We're going to sit down here, and read it. Every single word. Every single page. We're going to pore over every drawing, every detail, every tag, and every panel. Down to the last period."

"W-why the heck would we do that?!" Sora was mortified.

"Penguin Logistics prides itself on its preparation. Its planning. We need to read all of this," she explained, "so that we can learn who exactly is making all of it. Maybe we can discover some kind of hint, or a tell. It could be something small, or it could be something big."

"And meaty," said Lappland. She was blushing even more than Texas was. She didn't know whether to recoil with disgust… or keep on going. "Texas… this book right here," she shows it off, "is about you and me."

"Is it?" Texas glanced at the cover, where both she and Lappland were naked and cuddling together, caught in the throes of passion.

"It would appear so."

"Who is topping?"

Lappland paused, burying her nose in the smutty, smutty pages. "I am." Texas put her hands on her hips, frowning.

"When I find whoever authored all of this," she spoke with conviction, "I'm going to give them a piece of my mind. Making me submissive… can you even believe such nonsense?"

No one said a word. For a long time.

"What?" Texas blinked. "What's wrong?" It sank in, slowly. "Wait a second… Do you all think I'm submissive? That's… no, I'm focusing on the wrong thing, here." She pinched the bridge of her nose, groaning. "That was a foolish thing to worry about. I'm sorry. We need to stay on topic."

"Yo, hold up…" Croissant eyed the pile of books. "You got anything about me and Lapp in there?"

"Huh?" Texas stammered; she didn't like where this was going. "Y-yes, I believe there's just one or two…"

"Who tops in those?" Croissant tapped her horn with a knowing smile. "It's me, ain't it? Tell me it's me!"

"Why do you want to know something like that?" Lappland looked at Croissant with horror, before turning to Texas. "But, Texas, who does?"

"No more questions about who is topping who!" Texas couldn't hold back her embarrassment any more. She was still focused on how everybody thought she was submissive. She just liked making people happy, that's all! "Everyone, pick up a book and start reading. No one is leaving this meeting room until we solve this."

Exusiai stands up from her chair. She looked dizzy; lightheaded. Even her angel halo was flickering, like a dying light bulb. "I-I need some air. And then I'll order us pizza, and drinks… so we don't have to worry about cooking. Is that alright?"

"Sure, sure…" Croissant put her forefinger on her chin. "But try not to do anything inappropriate with the pizza man, yeah?"

"Go fuck yourself." Exusiai left the room.

"But I've got you to do that for me, apple pie~!"

"Croissant," said Texas, "stop teasing app— I mean, Exusiai."

"Sure thing Baws." She saluted. And then she narrowed her eyes with a wicked smile. "Then again… maybe you're too subby to be my baws…"

Texas's eyes went wide as saucers. "What."

"Oh, I just reckon… now that we've 'stablished that you're the subbiest in the room… maybe I oughta be the baws when Emperor's away?"

"Maybe I oughta throw you out the window," was Texas's immediate response.

"Wow wow!" Croissant pouted, a curious twinkle in her eye. "What a li'l brat you are~"


"My ass is so fat in this one."

Croissant tapped the book's page, turning it so that Lappland could see it. The two had built up quite a bit of rapport over the six hours that they've all been reading together. Lappland looked at what Croissant was pointing at, and she leaned in with a knit brow, surprised.

"Good heavens, you're right," said Lappland, "your ass is so fat."

"Thank you!"

"Croissant," Lappland continued, "I couldn't help but notice that in most of these stories… your body is well-chiseled; your biceps are impressive, and your abdomen is as hard as diamond."

"Why thank ya!" She tipped her hat to the white-haired wolf. "Likewise, you're kind of a real freak in these books, yeah? Either a yandere , or just a straight-up wicked bitch."

Lappland rolled her eyes. "I would never mistreat my lover. Such selfish sentiments are antiquated and ignorant."

"Ohoooo? Gotta say, I'm kinda surprised to hear that from ya!"

Lappland wagged her finger. "Do not believe every single thing you read, Croissant. You would do well to remember that."

"Ha ha! Fair enough…"

Exusiai exu-sighed. "I want to die," she announced.

Sora comes in with the assist. She's humming a tune, just like the one she's been humming for the past forty minutes, to try and soothe the angel. Her eyes are bloodshot red.

"Oh, would you look at that!" Exusiai slammed her doujin on the table. "I do die in this one, too! Fucked to death! AGAIN! Why does EVERYONE want to sexually assault me?! What did I ever do to anyone?!"

"I'm sorry, Exusiai." Texas reached out and gently rubbed her dear friend's shoulders, frowning. "Would you like to take a break? Out of all of us, you seem to be… reading the worst of it."

Exusiai nodded. She looked deep into Texas's eyes, and she pulled her longtime friend into a tight hug. "I don't wanna get hurt, Tex… these stories… there's some fucked-up shit in there… it makes me feel powerless, you know…?"

"I know. I understand," whispered Texas. She rubbed Exusiai's back, gently and comfortingly. "They make me submissive and breedable so often in these stories…"

"I don't think that's as bad as being fucked to death," Exusiai said frankly.

"...You're right. It's not. I'm sorry." Mostima sat off to the side. She'd been conducting research on a laptop for a couple hours now, with the notes she'd been compiling from all the pornography surrounding them.

"Not a single legitimate publication company comes up," she announced, which caused Sora to stop humming and start sighing. "In addition, sometimes the writing style changes drastically, along with the art style of some of these illustrations. I suspect that all of this amateur work is done by fanatics, just like we suspected."

Texas spoke. "Fan fiction?"

Lappland shook her head with complete and utter disgust. She looked like she wanted to throw up. "Whoever writes such drivel about a real-life, breathing person… I won't ever forgive them. I can hardly think of anything more inappropriate, more deplorable, and more banal than that."

"Writing such disgusting things about us… we're real people, for goodness sake…" Texas agreed.

"If this is how my fans really behave…" Sora swallowed nervously. "Then I don't want to have fans anymore. I don't know what to do…"

Croissant hid her eyes under the brim of her cap. "It's all fun and games 'till someone gets hurt… 'least they coulda done was ask us for permission, yeah? Still, even so… it ain't right."

Exusiai didn't say a word. She just hugged Texas even tighter, choking back sobs. She shuddered in the Lupo's embrace. She'll never be the same again after reading all of that.

"All this time and effort could have been spent writing a real book. Something that anyone could digest… and something actually profitable," said Lappland. Croissant cringed.

"Pfft… they better not have written all this junk for free! They better have gotten paid at least! Sheeeeeeeeeeesh!"

"I suppose it's… at least a little entertaining, on some juvenile level," said Mostima. "But ultimately, what have we learned today? That fan fiction is an utterly shameful waste of time."

Author's Note: I agree but I'm going to keep doing it.

"Let's pick this up again tomorrow. I suddenly feel too exhausted to keep going. Physically, emotionally, and mentally." Texas released Exusiai from her hug, patting the angel's head with care. "Are you going to be okay?"

Exusiai nodded, silently. But her smile was one of gratitude.

"Good." Texas wagged her tail, pushing up the corners of Exusiai's lips to make her smile. "Let's eat a little more and then go to sleep. Sounds good?"

"Mmhm." The Sankta sniffled, and wiped at her eyes. "Yeah…"

"Goodness me, it's getting late," said Lappland. "If we're to continue reading this garbage tomorrow, how about twelve o'clock noon?"

"That's fine with me," said Mostima.

"Sure… I reckon that's awright," Croissant added.

"God, make it stop…" Sora ran a hand through her golden locks of hair with an exasperated sigh. "Fine, fine…"

"Okay. 12 PM tomorrow it is." Texas checked her watch. "I don't know how I'm going to bring all of this up to Emperor…"


Hundreds of miles away, aboard a titanic landship, in a room filled with drugs and hookers, a penguin and a masked man were dancing and celebrating. They were surrounded by piles of money, and beautiful women with large busts and rear-ends.

Avian physiology be damned: Emperor snorts a line off of cocaine off of Robin's tummy. The sleepy-eyed Anaty operator didn't say a word. She just lay there, putting up with all of this because she's being paid to be here.

"I got it!" Emperor waves his flippers around like he's having an epileptic fit. "A Penguin Logistics hentai video! An entire season of this shit! Weekly episodes! Subscription-based service!"

The Doctor leans back in his chair, while Vermeil and Shamare continue to fan him and feed grapes into his helmet. "By next month, a Penguin Logistics visual novel," he announces, "and finally… we drop production on everything to work on our gacha game."

Emperor slaps his flippers against his own chest with ravenous excitement. "Bahahaha! We should have become partners months ago, Doc! You're writing this shit down, ain'tcha? Tell me you're writing this shit down, you low-sanity maniac!"

"I've been low-sanity for a long time now, my friend."

"It's true." Robin pipes up. Her bare body is still covered in drugs and pieces of sushi. "I think the Doctor hasn't slept in weeks."

"You're one to talk, baggy-eyes!" Emperor prods Robin in the cheek. "Don't talk so much! Tables aren't supposed to talk!"

She sighs. "Yes sir."

To be honest, this isn't even the worst job she's ever had.