Diddy's bag of Fritos was so utterly gorgeous. Its aluminum exoskeleton was comparable to a god's meaty pecs and abs. They shone like diamonds etching the sky like meadowlarks' mystic musings.

DK watched with envy as his Little Buddy slurped up the tasty salted treats one after the other. He disliked the young chimp's tongue as it was invading his eyesight greatly.

Diddy peered at DK's peering. His single eye allowed for both pupils to inhabit one side. He focused long and hard on his companion.

Cranky was next door, bingeing Ugly Wobbuffets reruns on iPhone technology. He was calling up the Kong government in the process. "Hello, government!" said the bearded one. "I am here speaking to report madness in our area!"

Immediately, an army of police seagulls crashed through the door and confiscated Diddy's Fritos. "These are evil!" they all cried in unison.

Diddy wept for his stolen food product. His rage was so apparent by the molten lava leaking from his ducts like a monkey volcano.

DK laughed and reached deep within, extracted a flute from his soul, and played merrily.

Diddy respected the tune and thought of copper coins.

Funky hopped in through the window, paring a pair of pears. "What is negative, Diddy Dude?" he asked with cool teeth in his face.

Diddy explained the sitch.

BEEP! BEEP! BOOP! BOP!

"No man... you mean beep-booboo-bop. Boo-boo-bop!" said Funky. He ate his pear and then kicked off a stellar surfing expedition.

Minutes later (exactly seven), Funky reached Canada. He was only a few seconds from the border when he spotted a cursed fish token.

DK and Diddy followed Funky and also saw the fish token. Diddy licked it intelligently because his tastebuds were honourable.

"What's a jellyfish?" asked DK, who hated immortality and increasing toenail architecture.

Funky explained the many purposes of fish inside jelly. DK was so affirmative about his understanding. He quickly picked up a conch shell and tossed it into the wheelbarrow of what we call "life".

Diddy did a totally angry face at the cow herd on the east side. "Animals, when treated cruelly, irks my very soul..."

Everyone agreed and pulled out their rifles. They blasted up all the rude trees until they dropped acorns. Diddy graciously fed his acorns to the very sad cows. All of the cows were glad now.

"Will you dance with us at prom, Diddy?" asked one of the cows.

"Si," replied the guy and he and his Kong bros did a little ditty at the prom. Diddy won eleven proms that night and got a righteous sticker on his report card.

"DONKEY KONG!" roared an angry girl voice.

DK turned around on his big toe to face the face of wrath: his girlfriend Candy Kong.

"Are we dating tonight?" asked the gorilla man to his beloved bae.

"You are dating cattle?" she growled, smacking a walrus's tusk collection with weighted Klondike Bars. "We are THROUGH!" Candy pulled out her laser blaster and fired at her ex.

DK ran for his dear life and for deers everywhere. Many deers like Bambi and Elliot clapped for him and sang about Ashton Kutcher's favoured nose.

Ashton Kutcher approved of DK's brain through a neat letter he sent via the awkward albatross.

DK read the letter with open eyebrows and showed Candy.

"Okay then," said Candy after reading the letter. "I will date you, but only because I really dig Saving Private Ryan..."

DK smiled up at the clouds and then laced up his ice skates. He danced around the rink like a fulfilled destiny.

Diddy and Funky crushed a mosquito for blood-stealth. Many cars then drove over to the house and demanded answers. Diddy wept and paid his taxes more properly than a crafted dice block.

THE END