Settling for Mediocrity – Part 2
"Okay," I said, beginning to hyperventilate. "Okay. Okay-okay-okay-okay-okay…"
I looked up at the two girls, my daughters, in standing in front of me.
"Okay," I said again.
Severa sighed and slapped me across the face. Hard. Beside her Morgan actually gasped and recoiled, but it had been what I'd needed.
"Better?" she asked.
"A little. But if you hit me again I swear to fuck I'll put you over my knee. You're not too old. I'll do it."
Severa scoffed and rolled her eyes, crossing her arms and sinking to a hip as Morgan looked back and forth between us.
I had just had an anxiety attack at the thought of talking to Cordelia about… stuff.
Like the fact she and I would eventually be, allegedly, happily married.
Or that we had two time-travelling daughters together.
"Alright then," I said, slapping my hands on my thighs and standing. "Nothing's going to be accomplished sitting here and brooding. Right? Right. Let's go and get some food."
"Jeez you change gears fast," Severa said, shaking her head a little.
"I'm compartmentalizing," I admitted. "I can freak out later. Preferably somewhere where I'm not going to lose face in front of my kids."
Severa turned to me, arching one brow with an 'oh really?' look on her face. Morgan just grinned up at me. God the kid was adorable…
"I've spent the last few weeks watching you almost constantly sexually harass my best friend and act like a child," Severa deadpanned. "Not to mention the fact that, yes, more than once I've noticed you sneak off with Tharja for Naga only knows what. So I don't really think my opinion of you can get much lower at this point."
"It's called a quickie, and thanks for the confidence boost," I groaned.
"What's a quickie?" Morgan piped up innocently.
"I'll tell you when you're older," I promised.
"I'm already eighteen! I think…" she insisted.
"Okay, I'll tell you when I'm older," I groaned.
Having kids was going to be hard. I'd also probably need to be a little more careful about my language; it was pretty clear to see Morgan had already picked up on the swears, I didn't need to warp her further.
Severa leaned over to her sister, whispering something in her ear. I winced as Morgan's eyes widened and she nodded, making an "ohhhhh" of understanding.
"So that's what a quickie is…" she said with a nod, resting her hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry to hear that, Dad. I'm sure mom'll still love you anyway."
I sighed, resting my face in my hands as Severa grinned maliciously over Morgan's head at me.
Didn't take a genius to spot a premature ejaculation joke when it was that obvious.
Being a parent to two adults I had clearly already warped was going to be hard.
A few days later we were back in civilization, only another few days from Port Ferox now. I was debating whether or not to simply hire a wagon to take us back as we tromped back into whatever logging town we had passed through on the way east, not because I was tired but more for expedience's sake. I was getting sick of dwelling on having 'the talk' with Cordelia.
It was late in the afternoon, still with a few hours of light left, but if I remembered correctly we wouldn't hit another town before it got too dark to travel safely and it was a new moon that night, so it'd be too dark. With a sigh I turned, waiting for the others to catch up.
"Alright, we'll break here for the night," I called. "Pick an inn, meet back here in the morning. Dismissed. Peace out."
There were more than a few relieved sighs at my dismissive instructions, making me think I clearly wasn't the only one excited at the prospect of not sleeping in the forest like a fucking animal again that night.
Ever since Panne's training roughing it in the woods gave me weird boners…
It was a decent sized town; a number of inns and taverns near the gates, the lumber mill in the distance occupying the majority of the horizon. There was a bustling market, too, and a number of actual stores instead of the street vendors I'd expected from Regna Ferox during my first time. It was a good place to have a break before we got back to all the doom-and-gloom of Port Ferox and the Ylissean military life.
I went to turn, planning on scoping out the inns near the town gates, but something caught my arm. I glanced over my shoulder, Morgan clinging to my arm and grinning up at me. Behind her Severa looked expectantly at me, frowning as she was so wont to do.
I had a pretty good idea where this was going…
"Let me guess," I started, quirking a brow at Severa. "You guys want to rent a family suite?"
Severa barely twitched, quirking her brow right back at me. Morgan's reaction, however, was far more animated.
"Fu- er, heck yes we do!" she cheered, stopping herself short of cussing again.
She was a smart kid, but had clearly inherited my foul mouth. It was cute, though, watching her cover her swearing and bite her tongue, trying not to slip, the same way I had around my father.
"Your treat, of course," Severa added.
"Yeah, yeah," I sighed, ruffling Morgan's hair.
She closed her eyes and smiled, disengaging from my arm and grinning up at me when I stopped.
That damn kid… so moé…
I chose an inn pretty much at random and we rented a suite with two beds. It was actually a lot nicer than I'd been expecting from Regna Ferox, not to mention reasonably priced. I guessed they would have gotten a lot of travelling merchants and important tradesmen and shit, being such a major milling town. Nice beds, clean and soft linens, and a barrel of fresh water in the corner with some large buckets for bathing or whatever else we needed them for. I was already planning on using one of them as a makeshift helmet when I built my pillow-fort, anyway…
I sat down on the far bed, letting out a tired sigh as I dropped my pack at my feet. Morgan let out a little cheer as she discarded her own pack and sword, jumping and body-slamming the bed with a happy laugh. Severa did pretty much what I had, shooting a little annoyed glance at Morgan but remaining silent. I guess the girls would share a bed.
Over the last few days we'd fallen into something of a routine; we walked together, ate together, slept close to each other and basically just spent all of our time together. For me, it was taking some getting used to; I was an introvert at the best of times, after all. But I was the only person Morgan remembered properly, and Severa clearly wanted to bond a little with her parents, even if she'd never admit it. So I quelled my own selfish feelings and put up with their attention. At least until we got back to Port Ferox and I could offload them on their mother, anyway. It was nice, though, that I'd had a good relationship with my parents as an adult. A lot of my friends had gone to great lengths to distance themselves from their parents back home, but I'd managed to become friends with my own once I'd hit twenty-one. And stopped acting like a total doucher. So at least I had some idea of what to work with. Morgan was easy; she was a blank slate and apparently I could do her no wrong. Severa, though, I'd just decided to be myself with. If she didn't like me, whatever. I was still (allegedly) her father. She didn't have to like me. But, I was optimistic. It was hard to tell with little-miss-tsundere-pants, but I think she was warming to me.
"Ah, I'm so sick of walking everywhere," Morgan groaned, rolling onto her back.
"Get used to it," I sighed, leaning back and letting myself fall onto my bed. "God I miss my car. Why don't you two get cleaned up and we'll go grab an early dinner? Yes, Severa, my treat."
"Yay!" Morgan cried.
Severa scoffed, chuckling a little.
I stared up at the ceiling, letting my mind wander as the two girls went about preparing themselves for dinner. Me? I was male, so I could get away with stinking and looking like shit. I know, I know, unfair double standards and all that shit. But, that was the world we (apparently still) lived in. Hopefully we could beat the shift-workers to one of the taverns and grab a feed before I had to start busting skulls for hitting on my kids. I ran a hand over my fuzzy jaw, considering shaving anyway just for shits and giggles, but my plans were derailed when Severa let out a small shout of disbelief.
"Morgan, what the hell are you doing!?"
"What?" my youngest asked innocently. "I stink."
I glanced up, immediately regretting my decision and throwing my head back down.
Morgan had disrobed and was cleaning herself with a rag and water from the barrel in the corner. Severa had obviously only just turned and noticed, goggling disbelievingly at her sister with a hairbrush hanging off of one crimson twintail. All of this I had taken in in an instant, my own eyes wide as I tried to wrap my head around what was happening.
At… at least Morgan was comfortable around me?
And amazingly this was the first time I'd seen a pair of tits and felt nothing. She was clearly if not my daughter then some other blood relation of mine. Unfortunately for her, though, it appeared she'd inherited her mother's bust. I still thought she was cute as a button, though, if a little air-headed at times-
I gave a muffled grunt as a red-faced Severa jumped up on my bed and smothered my face with a pillow. Great. The last thoughts I were going to have in my life were mild surprise that I wasn't aroused by my time-travelling daughter's boobs. Awesome note to go out on.
"Gawds, Morgan! Hurry up and get dressed!"
"I need to at least wipe myself down! I smell so bad!"
"So wear some perfume! Why would you just take off your clothes like that!?"
"But I'd still feel gross! What's the big deal, anyway?"
"This pervert is!"
"What? Ew! Sis, that's dad! Besides, it's not like he hasn't seen it a million times before!"
"You haven't been born yet so no he hasn't now get fucking dressed!"
As illuminating as this conversation was, mostly because I had learned that Morgan was apparently something of a neat-freak like me and Severa had apparently also inherited a small part of my vocabulary, I was beginning to suffocate. I slapped the bed, tapping out as Severa shrieked at her sister.
"Er, Severa? Honey? Daddy can't breathe."
"Alright, alright, I'm getting dressed," Morgan sighed. "God I want a change of clothes… Hey sis, do you have any spare panties?"
"MORGAN!"
"I'm serious!"
"Yes! Bottom of my pack! I want them back clean!"
"Yay! You're the best sister ever!"
My head was spinning as my life flashed before my eyes, oxygen deprivation beginning to cause that annoying, constricting pain in my chest before Severa finally got off of me. Bolting upright I sucked in a deep breath of clean air, holding a hand to my chest.
"I thought I was gonna die!" I groaned.
I gave a weak cough, furrowing my brow. Huh. My first asthma attack in almost a year. Amazing how they could still sneak up on me…
Severa rounded on Morgan as I bent to retrieve a vulenary from my pack, coughing a little again and fumbling.
"Er, dad? Are you okay?" Morgan asked, leaning around Severa.
Her sister spun, the look of contempt on her face fading to a subtler one of worry.
"Fine, fine," I chuckled, coughing again. "Sheesh. Where is that stupid *wheeze* thing? I *cough* know I have one…"
Wrapping my hands around the vial safely wrapped in my spare trunks I sat back up, tearing out the cork with my teeth and drinking about a third of it.
"Jeez, I didn't hit you that hard," Severa mumbled, wilting guiltily.
"No, but suffocating me did give me an asthma attack," I shrugged. "Don't worry about it. It's no big deal."
Both girls went quiet as I took a few deep breaths, letting my lungs return to normal. Unfortunately, just being fitter and stronger didn't cure anything. Once I was sure I was good I slapped my thighs, standing and grinning.
"Who's hungry?"
That evening, after some emergency shopping for Morgan to get some basic necessities like smallclothes and a medieval toothbrush, I found myself sitting at a table in one of the cleaner-looking eateries in this town with my two daughters. And also Tharja and Noire. Funny how Tharja always seemed to know where I was…
The others were floating around, too, clearly having decided like I had that this was the optimal establishment to eat at. Lon'qu and Kjelle were both at the bar, the swordsman trying to subtly increase the distance between them as she ordered enough ale for the two of them to kill their livers with. Nah was sitting in the back with Lucina, the blue-haired royal watching a stack of plates growing ever-larger as Nah spent the entirety of the weekly stipend I'd provided her for food and essentials in one sitting. Whatever, kid deserved it. I'd shout her for the rest of the week.
Severa, Morgan and Noire all laughed at something that the young tactician had said, Tharja looking on with a soft smile as she watched her daughter.
Tharja. With a soft smile. Usually a look reserved for me after we'd spent the night defiling my bed. It was enough to make my head spin. But it did remind me of one important question.
I waited until a lull in the girls' conversation before giving voice to my curiosity.
"Hey Noire? Who's your dad?"
The effect that the question had on the girl was instantaneous. She went pale, paler than usual, and wilted, shifting a little to open space between her and her mother before looking down at the table. Clearly, I'd hit a sore spot.
"Hey, c'mon, it's not that big a deal," I tried laughing it off. "I just wanna know."
"I… er… t-that is…" she mumbled, casting a fearful glance at her mother.
Tharja was glaring dangerously at her, though, making me even more curious.
"C'mon, out with it! I wanna know!" I urged.
"Yeah, me too!" Morgan added, grabbing her by the shoulder and shaking her a little. "C'moooooooooon!"
"Oh for Naga's sake!" Severa finally snapped, turning to glare at me.
"It's you! You're her father! I'm sorry Noire, but I can't handle them when they get like that!"
The silence at the table was deafening. My jaw dropped. Again. Severa huffed, crossing her arms and returning the death-glare a furious Tharja was shooting her. Noire was doing her best to look as small as possible, while Morgan just quirked her head as she tried to understand all of this.
Judging from Noire's little panicky reaction, Severa hadn't just been joking. To be sure I took a quick peek at Noire's ample cleavage spilling out of her loosened collar. Clearly she had inherited her own mother's bust, and… Nope. Nothing. Not even a twitch in my pants. That settled it, then. I just instinctively knew… My cock was never wrong.
As I shut my mouth I turned a glare of my own at Tharja, who wilted almost instantly under it. I was the only person that could glare her down like that, something I didn't like doing. But it felt fitting right now.
"Something you want to tell me?" I asked, my voice low and dangerous.
"I won't let you take her from me!" Tharja hissed instantly.
"Why, pray tell, would I do that?" I asked levelly.
"Don't think for a second that the Ylisseans wouldn't take the child of their vaunted tactical genius and a Plegian mage-"
"I don't want to take her!" I shouted, slamming my hands down on the table.
Fortunately, it was already rather loud in the bar, so no one even batted an eyelash at the scene I was causing. Noire and Morgan did jump at my shout, though, which gave me a pang of guilt.
"Dad!" Severa hissed. "You're really bad at this!"
"Dammit, I know!" I sighed, falling back into my seat. "What I meant was that there's no way in hell I'd willingly separate a child from her mother. Noire, why didn't you tell me?"
"B-because… mother asked me… not to…" she mumbled, looking up at me guiltily.
"Noted. Tharja, that was stupid of you. While I am pissed off right now, I am also happy. And slightly confused as to how I'm going to survive surrounded by so much feminine energy, but that's a problem for later. Noire, make no mistake. Your father loves you."
The young archer, apparently my daughter as well, sniffled and smiled, her whole face lighting up. Tharja looked downtrodden, though, realizing the mistake she'd made. Of course I'd be happy! I mean, I loved Tharja, but not in a 'let's get married' kind of way. More like… a sister I occasionally had rough sex with. I'd explained that to her. Human relationships were complicated in reality. She'd accepted that. Why in god's name would she want to hide this from me now?
"And why didn't you say anything?" I asked, turning to Severa.
She shrugged dismissively. "I still have gaps in my memory. That one only came back to me when I thought to myself 'god I wish he'd shut up'."
"Ooh I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are," I deadpanned. "I clearly did not spank you enough. So where does she fit into the timeline?"
"Oldest," Severa huffed.
"Ah, middle child syndrome," I said, nodding sagely. "That explains so much…"
Severa rolled her eyes, turning away from me again but remaining mercifully silent. I spun back to Tharja, red in the face now and looking at the table.
"Tharja," I called out. "This is a lot to take in right now. But I'm not going to just abandon you and take Noire away. I care about you, and I come with automatic love for Noire. So… relax. Trust me."
"I'm pregnant," she said without looking up.
Noire winced as Severa sighed, shaking her head.
"What, now!?" I asked, aghast.
Tharja nodded meekly.
"B-but the herbs…"
"They are not fool-proof," Tharja said. "I did warn you that sometimes they didn't work…"
And with that the table fell into silence again. Oh, the awkward silence was painful. I didn't know how to deal with this. I had done absolutely zero preparation for this eventuality, and it was clearly showing. After a few moments Morgan stood up, and all eyes turned to her.
"Fuck. This," she announced, stepping back from the table.
I inwardly groaned, preparing myself mentally for a teenage freak-out. And who could blame her, being surrounded by all of this stupid adult bull-shit? However, she surprised us all, I think, when she stepped around Noire and threw her arms around a stunned Tharja in a tight hug.
"I'm so happy for you!" Morgan laughed. "How does this make us related? Are you, like, my Aunt? Fuck it, you're my aunt! Congratulations, Aunt Tharja! We're all happy for you! Especially Noire, because now she's going to be born! Right, everybody?"
Severa's eyes widened as she nodded, clearly shocked by her little sister's domineering attitude. Noire sniffled and shifted again, joining Morgan in hugging a catatonically-shocked Tharja, the Dark Mage's mouth hanging slightly agape as she tried to comprehend what was happening.
At that point I was so fucking proud of Morgan it hurt. She could successfully adult far better than me.
And with that realization, I gave up. At that very point I gave the fuck up. There really was no fighting it at this point. Hell, I made more than enough to support two families if I had to, thanks to the little fact that I was Chrom's retainer, so money wasn't an issue. I had a big fuck-off fort to house everyone in. As for whether or not I was emotionally ready to have six kids? Well, there was only one way to find out.
"Yeah," I said with a smile. "This is great news, Tharja. I'm so fucking happy right now."
Tharja blinked and smiled back, her eyes getting a little misty as she basked in the attention.
Everyone was happy. Why wouldn't they be? I would just have to be happy now and figure out how, exactly, this fucked up family dynamic was going to work later.
At least I now had a big fucking fort to house everyone. I kept focusing on the fort. It helped.
After dinner I found my ass on the floor outside the door to our room while the girls had a bath. Of course, this being one of the nicer inns they'd had enough hot water to fill a tub. It had cost me quite a bit for such a luxury, but both Morgan and Severa had been a little subdued after my sudden asthma attack and Tharja's revelation at the tavern, so I'd decided to just shell out to cheer them up. Judging from the giggling and happy shrieking inside the room, it had worked.
I'd never understood that whole 'fun-bath-time' thing. I didn't even like fucking in the shower back home. The shower was there for one purpose and one purpose only; to get clean. Soaking in a hot bath just seemed like a waste of time to me. But if the girls enjoyed it who was I to judge?
Noire and Tharja had retired to their inn next door, and I promised to make time to talk to them properly once we were back in Port Ferox. One thing was for certain, though. I'd just lost one of my major magical presences, because there was no way in the name of unholy fuck I was bringing a woman pregnant with my daughter to a warzone. She'd just have to stay behind and get first pick of rooms in my new fort.
I was considering calling it Fort Kickass, or something equally absurd. Fort Condor? No, no one would get the Final Fantasy reference… Fort DILLIGAF (which is an acronym for 'Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck'?) was also a front-runner. Why was I sitting there thinking about what to name my Fort? Because I was drunk and reeling with the knowledge I was about to be surrounded by more estrogen than a man trapped in a women's locker room.
It had been a long time since I'd drank. Since the victory party, in fact. But it had seemed fitting this evening.
Knowing that I didn't marry Tharja had helped. Apparently in the future she'd been one of the first to go, during the Valmese war in fact, and I'd gotten Noire at quite a young age. Which explained why she had memories of her mother, but no actual Dark Magic know-how.
I would make sure that no one went without both parents in this fucking timeline. I promised myself that, right there and then.
However, the question of how to explain the newest development in the train-wreck that was my life to Cordelia was still eating at me.
Before I could ruminate further on this conundrum, though (and yes, I use big words when I'm drunk), the door behind me opened and I fell flat on my back.
"Okay Dad! It's all safe!" Morgan said.
"Good to know," I said, blinking from the floor.
Morgan snorted before doubling over with laughter. So we'd all had a little to drink that night. So what? Well, except for Tharja. No booze for my baby-mama. Oh god, I had a baby-mama. Holy fuck. My life was rapidly spiraling out of control and there was no light at the end of the-
"Rargh!" Morgan roared, throwing herself down on me with a text-book body-slam.
Like, a perfect, pro-wrestling body-slam, complete with landing most of her weight on the floor so it sounded painful, but really wasn't. And then she proceeded to start tickling me.
"Oh my – BWAH-HA-HA – God, girl, I'm going to fucking – HA! HA-HA-HAH! – kill you if you don't – HE-HE-HAH! – MORGAN! Get the fuck off of me!"
"NEVER!" Morgan declared, increasing the rate of her attack.
Clearly I was not the only one still slightly intoxicated. After a few more moments of torturous tickling I only endured due in no small part to the fact that I was, indeed, still drunk, Morgan stopped. Both of us panted as we lay on the floor, Morgan resting her head on my chest with one arm slung over me. We lay like this for a time, how long I wasn't sure. Time passes funny when you're drunk. After a while Severa appeared, leaning over top of us with a slightly less intense scowl than she usually wore on her face. Hell, it was almost a smile.
"Hey honey," I grinned. "Think you can help me up? Daddy had too much to drink."
"So did Morgan!" Morgan added, her head lifting slightly off my chest before plonking right back down. "Help us, Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're our only hope!"
"That you know that reference alone proves you are my daughter," I said, looking down at the girl laying on my chest.
"Yeah!" Morgan cheered. "I remember you telling us the story of Star Wars when we were kids! It was always my favorite bedtime story! I liked Chewy! GWARBLERAWGLERAGH!"
"Everyone likes Chewy," I agreed, nodding and grinning at her Wookie-impersonation.
Severa sighed and shook her head before reaching down and dragging Morgan off of me. I lay there as the sound of shuffling feet receded and approached again, Severa bending again to help me to my feet and closing the door now that I was finally out of the doorway. She led me to a bed, funnily enough already occupied with Morgan.
Okay, so we were both a whole hell of a lot drunker than she was. I could understand her not wanting to spoon with a drunken sister or, heaven forbid, father. So I made her life easy and flopped down next to Morgan, who giggled happily and snuggled back up to my side.
"Okay, scootch over," Severa groaned, making shooing motions with her hands.
Morgan and I both glanced up at her before shrugging and doing as she said. I was pretty easy to corral when I drank, and clearly so was Morgan. So we did as we were told. And then Severa blew out the lamp illuminating the room and slid into bed on the opposite side as her sister, snuggling up close to my side the way Morgan had.
"D-don't get the wrong idea!" Severa huffed, tsundere to the core. "I'm only doing this because… it gets cold at night!"
"Why did I even pay for the extra bed, then?" I sighed, wrapping an arm around both of my kids.
Okay, this? This I could deal with.
A few days later we tromped back into Port Ferox, spirits high. Well, everyone else's spirits, anyway.
Now that I was finally back in Port Ferox I had to face the music and talk to Cordelia.
I debated getting cleaned up, first. Then I debated getting really, really drunk. In the end, though, I settled for simply finding Cordelia and telling her everything, otherwise I'd end up putting it off until it blew up in my face (if history was any indication). I hadn't thought of anything worth saying. I didn't really think I had anything worth saying. Hell, I didn't even know if I'd be able to say anything when I did find her.
But, I had to try.
According to the guard rotation, she was supposed to be patrolling along the edge of the town at the moment, so that's where I went. I found her before long, her pegasus trotting along behind her as she meandered her way along the path, eyes scanning everything despite her relaxed pace.
"Hey," I called out, jogging a little to catch up with her.
When she spotted me her face broke out into a small smile, the same one that she always got when I did something particularly stupid that she couldn't help but laugh at.
"Hey yourself," she said as I finally caught up. "Didn't you just get back?"
"We did," I said. "I haven't even had a chance to catch my breath yet."
"Or take a bath, apparently," Cordelia laughed.
"Hey, ouch," I chuckled, feigning hurt. "First thing I do after a month on the road is rush back here to see you and this is the thanks I get?"
"Oh, met by the smelly Grandmaster himself," Cordelia laughed. "I must be the luckiest girl in the world."
I chuckled and shook my head, and we walked along in silence for a time. I marveled at the fact that, at some point, the people here had stopped being 'characters from a game' to me. They were real people, and I'd stopped making the distinction between the two groups a while ago now. I couldn't pin down when.
"So to what was so important you had to rush all the way out here just to see me?" Cordelia asked.
Here we were, then. The crux of the matter. Time to take the plunge.
I took a deep breath to steady my nerves, clenching my fists to stop my hands from shaking.
"Well, I met my daughter," I explained. "In fact, I met all three of them."
"Three?" Cordelia asked, genuinely surprised.
"Yeah," I said with a grin.
"Well, tell me about them!" Cordelia insisted.
"They're all great," I laughed. "Noire, the oldest, she's… a little weird. Eccentric, likes to snap and shout random shit. She looks just like Tharja, too, but has shorter hair and smiles more."
Cordelia's face went slack for a moment before she made a thoughtful sound, turning back to the road as we continued to patrol. I stole a glance at her, wincing. She was wearing the same fake smile, the same mask, she'd worn in the months after her squad's deaths during the war with Plegia. It hurt to see it again.
"I see," she said eventually. "Lady Tharja must be ecstatic to have born you three children in the future."
"Actually, Noire's the only one," I said, my grin widening. "The other two, they've got a different mother. You've already met one of them. But Morgan, the youngest, she's my baby. Takes after me way more than her sisters. Like a chirper, happy version of me. But so mature for her age! Totally pulled my ass out of the awkward-fire a bunch of times while we were travelling! Full of energy, and looks just like her mom and sister. Oh thank the gods none of them look like me. But yeah."
Cordelia stopped, eyes widening as I turned to look her square in the eye.
"She looks just like her sister, Severa. And her mother. You."
Cordelia's face burst into a radiant smile, and she shook her head a little, brushing past me.
"You know, you and Severa are a lot more alike than you might think," she said. "I knew as soon as I met her who her father was."
"Yeah, I know it's a lot to… wait. What!?"
Cordelia laughed, tilting her head back as she spun to look at me again.
"She acts exactly like you when you're in a mood," she explained. "And she has your nose and eyes. I would very much like to meet this Morgan that takes after me so much, though."
I blinked a few times, trying to comprehend this new twist.
"So you're telling me you knew the whole time and didn't tell me?" I asked, just to be sure.
"I wasn't certain," Cordelia explained. "Her memories of her childhood were hazy at best. And after our little talk in Ylisstol two years ago…"
She trailed off, and I involuntarily cringed.
"Yeah, so I'm hardly the most stable guy," I sighed. "I'm terrified of commitment. I'll admit it. Hell, I'll shout it from the rooftops. But… I do love you. And I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it, but- MRPGH!"
Whatever else I was about to say was cut off as Cordelia stepped forwards, sealing my lips with her own. She dropped her spear, wrapping both arms around my neck and pulling herself closer to me. When she finally broke away she grinned at me a little, blushing slightly.
"I've waited two years to hear you say that," she said. "And I love you too, with all that I am. With all of my heart."
"A-are you sure?" I stammered. "Because, you know, I'm grouchy. And hairy. And short. And any boys I have will probably go bald, too. And, and I'm a total workaholic. And I have a child with another woman."
Cordelia laughed again.
"Yes, that last one isn't… ideal," she agreed. "But we'll work it out."
"Okay, this seems too good to be true," I said, furrowing my brow. "Like, this is way too easy. What's the catch?"
Cordelia's smile took on a slight hint of sadness, a note of pity in her next statement.
"Have you considered that I may just want to be with you?"
I blinked. "No. That doesn't make sense. I don't even want to be with me. Why would someone like you want to be with me!?"
"Because of your kindness," Cordelia said, blushing. "When I was at my lowest, it was you that was there to pick me back up. You were there, my hero, when no one else ever had been. You give yourself far too little credit."
"But I-"
"No buts," she interrupted me. "Naga knows I'm not perfect either. But you love me."
"I do."
"And I love you, too. I am tired of being alone. And I want you to be the one that ends my loneliness."
I honestly never thought someone would ever say that to me again. 'I love you'. It had been such a long time since I'd heard those words… I was choking up a little.
"I love you," I repeated, my face breaking into a grin. "I… I don't even have a ring to give you. But… would… er… I mean… if it's not moving too fast… marry… me…?"
Cordelia was silent for a moment, looking up at me before a trail of tears began to run from her eyes, and her smile grew to the point where she could no longer contain her half-laughing, half-sobbing answer.
"Yes. Yes! Yes, I will marry you!"
I gave a relieved sigh, letting my forehead come to a rest against hers.
"Thank you," I whispered. "I didn't think I'd… ever get another chance at this. This kind of life. I'm so fucking happy, Cordelia."
"Not half as happy as you've made me!" she said, shaking her head slightly. "Thank you. I thought nothing could warm my heart again. I shall love you above all others, for the rest of my days."
I grinned, the familiar line making me chuckle a little. But where it had been an irritating source of guilt at first, I welcomed it. Because it meant that I'd made it. S-rank support, marriage and children. Of course, this didn't mean diddly-squat in reality. I'd have to work on it. Work on myself. Be a better man. The man Cordelia and Severa and Morgan, and even Noire and Tharja, all deserved.
I had a lot of work to do, in other words.
But, for the first time in more than four years as I held Cordelia against me, I felt a little inkling of hope for the future; that I wouldn't be alone any more.
I shifted a little, frowning. This was physically uncomfortable, and not because I didn't like to be touched…
"Woman, for once in our lives lose the breast-plate!" I grunted.
"W-wha-" Cordelia managed as I started tugging at the straps on her armor.
"No buts! For once I want to hold you, not the damn armor! I don't care how small your boobs are!"
Cordelia laughed, swatting at my hands.
"N-no! Ben, not in public! Stop!" she giggled.
I'm pretty sure we were both smiling like idiots, but who cared. We were finally happy.
About a week after my confession to Cordelia and our subsequent engagement I marched through the Ylissean countryside, a clear destination in mind. We still had more time before the ships arrived, so I was running one last errand before we left for Valm; something I'd put off for far too long.
I'd opted to travel almost alone, with a few guards for my 'safety'. A shadow passed over me, Morgan letting out an excited whoop as Cordelia led her mount in a sweeping dive before racing back into the air. Noire reflexively grabbed my sleeve, hiding a little behind my shoulder and Severa huffed, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes at her sister's meek behavior.
Tharja was already halfway back to Fort Kickass. Elle and Bertha would take care of her until we got back (that's right I'd totally poached Bertha and half of the other staff from Chrom before we'd left Ylisstol). She'd clearly not wanted to go, but Morgan and I had managed to talk her down with promises that I'd lead from the back ranks and play it totally safe. That, plus a fort full of unprotected servants to try out mean hexes and shit on, had apparently swayed her.
And now I was marching through idyllic Ylissean farmlands with my fiancé and time-travelling children.
God my family was screwed up… my brothers would have had a field-day.
But, as weird and broken as it was, it was still my family. The one I'd made for myself. Or… would make, once the kids were born… or… whatever.
I'd also come to terms with the fact I'd probably never go home now. Why bother? I missed my family, sure, but I had people here who depended on me. Honestly, I was pretty important in the Ylissean military, too. Something that had happened totally by accident. I had rank, I owned land, and I even employed servants for Christ's sake. Why would I screw up a good thing by leaving?
"How much further is it?" Severa asked in a huff.
"Not much further," I chuckled, mind returning to the task at hand. "Ask me that again, though, and I'll turn this convoy around and there'll be no clandestine mission for anyone."
Severa shot me a glare before sighing and shaking her head. She had learned fast not to enable my stupid. Which was disappointing, sure, but it showed she was smart and capable of learning.
Papa Bear was so proud. That's what they'd taken to calling me around camp. Thanks to a certain loud-mouthed manakete that liked to harp on me for being covered in hair… Nowi really did remind me of my youngest brother sometimes.
Noire looked up at me guiltily, grinning like a kid when I winked and ruffled her hair the way I did to Morgan. She got on great with her sisters, but it would clearly take some time for her to warm up to Cordelia. Which was fine; I wasn't about to force them to have a relationship of any kind, but they were both trying for my sake, and that made me feel… strange.
It was strange, having a family like this. I took it for granted that my brothers and parents back home would put in as much as I did; that we'd compromise for each other, let shit slide to not start fights, and that we'd just be there for one another.
That the girls were all doing that here made me feel equal parts guilt, terror and blinding happiness.
In the distance the form of a farmhouse was growing ever larger. That was our destination.
He was waiting for us there.
Okay, so he had no idea we were coming. But before I went to Valm and potentially died I wanted to talk to him and settle the score.
Morgan let out another whoop above us as Cordelia spun her mount in a tight barrel roll, and Severa sighed.
"Knowing Morgan we're going to spend the entire walk back picking up the stuff she dropped out of her pockets," the tsundere-goddess muttered.
Noire instantly perked up, her sharp eyes scanning the ground around us to get a head-start on the clean-up, but I just grinned and shook my head. All of Morgan's shit was currently weighing down my own pack; kid had common sense about the weirdest shit, I'd give her that. Noire jumped again, though, when an armored form appeared out of the stalks of wheat swaying in the breeze, his plates painted a dull green and his face smeared with black mud. Severa froze, hand already automatically going to the hilt of her sword.
"Report," I said, forestalling their freak-outs.
The scout nodded.
"Sir. Target Alpha is in the farmhouse. We have squads positioned at points around the farm and in the village. Awaiting orders."
"Stand-by. Dig in, prepare for a long stake-out. We need to make sure that nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, gets anywhere near him. Understood?"
"Sir!" the scout said, nodding deeply and disappearing back into the wheat.
"Sometimes it's easy to forget you're actually a respected military commander," Severa huffed.
"Hey, I'm competent when I want to be," I shrugged. "C'mon. Let's not keep our host waiting."
Morgan and Cordelia flew around the farmhouse, circling it as Severa stood in the shade of a nearby tree, standing watch with a frown on her face and her arms crossed. Noire followed me as I stepped up to the farmhouse, a determined set to my features.
The door opened and a man in plain clothes, a few years my junior, stepped onto the porch to meet us.
"I was wondering why there were so many soldiers hiding in my crops. Now I see that I'm paid a visit from the Lord of Tactics himself? To what do I owe the honor, milord?"
I stepped up to the man, about my height but thinner in the shoulders. And a thick shock of white hair atop his head.
"Robin, I presume?" I asked solemnly. "We need to talk."
About an hour later Robin nodded slowly, setting down the simple tea cup he had been drinking out of. Noire and I sat across from him, both holding similar cups. He'd invited us inside to speak, and had even offered us tea. Not wanting to be a rude doucher, I accepted. Now I had just finished explaining things to him. Everything.
"That's… quite a lot to take in," he said after a moment.
"Yeah," I agreed, casting a worried glance at Noire.
She was taking the revelation I'd come from a different universe altogether pretty well. Or else she didn't understand.
"So… I'm meant to be you?" he asked slowly.
"You're meant to be in my position," I corrected. "Instead of finding you in the field, they found me first. That's how this all began."
Robin nodded again, a solemn look on his face for a moment before it broke into a grin.
"I'm actually rather glad you didn't find me, then," he said, a note of laughter in his voice. "Because the people that found me instead-"
"Robin? Darling, are you in here?"
All three of us looked up as a woman, the Village Maiden model from Awakening, walked in carrying a bundle of what could only be a baby to her chest. Robin's grin increased as he stood, greeting the woman.
"Yes, dear," he said. "I'd like to introduce you to the Lord of Tactics, sir Ben. And his… er…"
"My daughter," I supplied, standing myself now. "I know, I know. I'm older than I look."
The woman appeared flustered for a moment before nodding her head and dropping a polite, one-handed curtsey.
"M-milord, milady," she greeted, eyes downcast.
I laughed, smiling.
"Please, don't bother," I said. "I'm not on the clock right now. Just Ben is fine."
"O-of course, Sir Ben!" the maiden said quickly. "W-where are my manners! I'll get you some tea! Robin, hold Morgan for-"
I laughed again, putting a forestalling hand on the woman's shoulder. Robin was grinning, too, barely containing his own laughter.
"Relax," I said. "Robin already served us. He's been a perfect host and you have a beautiful and warm home. Very inviting."
"T-thank you, sir," she said. "It's n-not very often we see nobility in these parts. I never thought… I'd play host to one."
"It's nice to see some things are universal, though," I laughed, looking down at the baby in her arms. "My youngest, her name is Morgan, too."
"Truly?" the maiden asked in surprise.
"Yes, what a coincidence," Robin snickered.
The baby began to sniffle, clearly being uncomfortable being around so many people. The Village Maiden shushed her, bouncing her lightly and trying to calm her.
"We should probably leave," I said kindly. "Are you sure I can't talk you into joining us, Robin? We could use another sharp mind in the Ylissean Armed Forces."
He shook his head, wrapping an arm around his wife's waist and pulling her and his daughter close.
"No, milord," he said. "My place is here. Whatever was meant to be… well… I have a good life here now."
I nodded. It was fair, in my opinion. We both had good lives. His was probably better than mine, though… no one trying to kill him on a daily basis.
"Although, one thing does come to mind," he added, separating from his wife and turning. "Wait right here, please."
I looked questioningly to the woman, who shrugged apologetically. Noire shifted behind me, reminding me she was there, too. After a few moments Robin reappeared, holding a black bundle out to me.
"When they found me, this was all I had," he explained. "Somehow it feels like… you should have them. Ylisse's tactician should have them."
I accepted the bundle. A black coat, Robin's coat, unfurled in my hands. Wrapped within it was a spellbook.
"Are you sure you don't want to keep these?" I asked in a low voice.
He smiled, shaking his head.
"I'm not the man you described," he explained. "Besides, it seems like you slipped into that role pretty easily. Take them."
I nodded, folding the coat back up and tucking both items under my arm.
"Thank you, Robin," I said. "If it's okay, I'll come back to visit once we return from Valm."
"Of course, milord," he said as we left. "In fact, I should be thanking you. If you hadn't have been there that day, I never would have met my love, and I never would have been able to achieve… all of this. So thank you."
I smiled over my shoulder one more time before stepping out of the house, into the bright daylight. Noire was right on my heels, looking back and forth between me and the house. I set a slow pace as we headed back to where Severa was waiting. Cordelia and Morgan had joined her in the shade, letting her pegasus rest a little. Noire looked up at me in concern.
"Are you… o-okay?" she asked quietly as we walked. "All of that… stuff you said… about…"
"I'm alright," I chuckled, ruffling her hair. "It's all old news now. Here's where I am, and here's where I'll stay."
I stopped, and on a whim I pulled Robin's coat on. It fit perfectly, like it had been made for me.
I looked down at my daughter, smiling up at me as she fixed her hair. In the distance Morgan called out, smiling and laughing as she waved at us. Cordelia smiled as well, running a hand along her mount's neck as it whinnied. Severa glanced at me out of the corner of her eye, her expression softening as she did.
This was where I was.
This was where I'd stay.
I had work to do here. Here, I had a purpose. There were wars to fight, and people to protect. People like Robin and his wife. Like Elle and Bertha back at Fort Kickass. Hell, even people like my family, waiting for me in the shade. Even that didn't feel weird to me anymore.
"I'm alright," I repeated, a smile rising to my face as I started walking again.
Turns out Lucina had been right. There was still good in the world.
Not like I'd ever tell her that to her face, though…
"I'm alright."
An End
AN2019: Ha ha! The original ending for the first Self Insert book, uploaded originally on April 1st 2016. God I pissed people off with that.
