Head Over Heels Part 1 – A Metallover's Self Insert Apocryphal Tale

I gave a small, relived sigh as I spotted the barracks Lissa hadn't shut up about for the last twenty minutes, my aching feet screaming for a break. Walking everywhere was going to take more than a little getting used to, honestly. I was fit enough back home, but clearly I'd need to up my game here in Ylisse.

I had been in the world of Fire Emblem Awakening for about a week now, and all I had accomplished was kicking the shit out of a couple bandits, running screaming from some Risen, and walking. So. Much. Walking.

Lissa's little Charlie Brown trumpet noises slowly tuned themselves back into legible speech as I glanced at her, the young princess still talking animatedly as we walked.

"… and Sumia makes the best pies! Oh man, you're gonna love her rhubarb pies!"

"… the fuck is rhubarb?" I muttered.

We walked right up to the door, the two-story building looming above me as Lissa threw the door open. I won't lie, I felt the old social anxiety flaring up as I looked at that nondescript wooden door. I took a deep breath as Lissa struggled to get the heavy door open, running through ideas in my head on how to make a good impression.

Sumia came rushing to meet Chrom here, or thereabouts, right? Maybe I could catch her when she fell, making the Shepherds all think I actually had my shit together when I clearly did not. It was worth a shot, anyway.

I followed Lissa into the building, looking around with nervous eyes as the Shepherds all looked up in curiosity.

"Hi everyone!" Lissa called. "We're back! And we made a new friend!"

She practically dragged me through the door up next to her with that, her tiny limbs deceptively strong as the princess manhandled me.

"Uh… hi?" I greeted unsurely.

The present Shepherds, Virion, Sully, Maribelle, Vaike and Sumia all rose up and crowded around, Maribelle being quickest to the punch. The noblewoman practically bowled me aside in her haste to get to Lissa, sending me reeling and almost falling flat on my face.

"Lissa, my treasure!" she practically shouted in relief. "I was on pins and needles waiting for your return, my darling!"

"Hello, Maribelle," Lissa giggled.

Sumia came rushing forward next, and I perked up attentively.

"Princess Lissa! Are… uh, is… th-the Captain, is he…" she stammered, shuffling forward.

I stepped forward, just as she started to trip. I grinned a little, expecting to confidently catch her in my arms, maybe drop the suave 'hey' as I propped her back up. However, 'twas not to be.

"Eeeek!"

"Whoa, caref-urk!"

Sumia's head came crashing down on my own at Mach-speed, a loud impact resounding through the barracks as the Shepherds all cringed. Of course, with Sumia's forward momentum she didn't stop, barreling into me with her molded chest plate to bruise my chest as she fell down on top of me. My own shout went up several octaves as, in one last effort to stop her collapse, Sumia thrust her knee down into my balls, obviously trying to catch herself before falling on me.

"Oh gods I'm so sorry!" Sumia cried as she jumped back off me.

As the Shepherds laughed, I lay there, staring at the ceiling in a daze for a moment before curling up on my side and trying not to puke.

"I'm okay," I lied in a high, squeaky voice. "At least… I tried… oh god… please… kill me…"


"The more things change…" I muttered to myself with a smirk.

I stood leaning on a practice lance, watching as Sumia bumbled her way around a training ground on foot. We were camped outside the Valmese capital, Chrom insisting that we not intrude upon the city and 'look like conquerors.' We'd only just finished curb-stomping Walhart the other day, so while Chrom and Say'ri took care of all the important political bullshit, Frederick and I were basically left in charge of the Ylissean League.

And because I was an actual competent manager and had underlings I could trust to not burn down the camp for a few hours, unlike my other half Fredward, I actually had free time.

Sumia tried to lunge at a target with her own training lance, her feet slipping out from underneath her and sending her falling flat on her face. I cringed, sighing.

"Holy crap, woman, do I need to actually put tennis racquets on the bottom of your boots or what?" I asked, walking over. "Still alive down there?"

"Yes!" Sumia sniffled, rising up a little on her hands and knees.

I rolled my eyes, helping her back up. We'd tried everything. She wore sensible flat-soled boots now, as opposed to the ridiculous heels that the other Pegasus Knights wore. We'd done yoga and Pilates to strengthen her core and work on her balance. Now we were just reduced to 'train long enough and hope you get over it'. Damndest thing was, though, that if you put the girl in a saddle, she was a terror on the battlefield. She wasn't the Commander of the Pegasus Knights, Ylisse's prestigious Wing Commander, second only to the Knight Commander and the Exalt, for no reason.

Take her out of the saddle, though…

Sumia let out another sniffle, wiping at the dirt on her face. I chuckled a little, producing a small handkerchief and doing it for her. At least her nose wasn't bleeding…

"Ben, please!" Sumia sniffled, glaring at me as she stepped back. "I asked you to help me, not laugh at me!"

"Don't be like that," I chuckled. "I swear, the harder you think about it the worse you get. You gotta admit, there's an element of divine comedy to this."

Sumia sighed, taking the handkerchief from my grip and going back to cleaning up.

"I know, I'm sorry," she sighed dejectedly. "It's just… I feel so useless-"

I reached out, cutting her off by flicking her in the forehead.

"Ah! You know you're not allowed to use that word!" I snapped.

"Ow!" Sumia groaned. "I'm sorry! Fine, but I still feel bad making you and Frederick run the dismounted drills all the time!"

I smirked as Sumia sighed, handing me the handkerchief back.

"You should feel bad," I laughed. "I work your girls as hard as I work my own troops. They fucking hate me."

"My knights or your troops?" Sumia asked, cracking a small grin.

"Yes," I said with a nod.

This proved to be too much for Sumia, and with a snort she let out a small chuckle. She shook her head, leaning her shoulder against my own and letting out another sigh.

"How do you do that?" she asked with a small smile. "How do you always cheer me up?"

"Because I honestly wish someone had been there to pick me up like that…"

Or so I wanted to say. I settled for a half-shrug, grinning at the brunette as she glanced sideways at me.

"Because I'm fucking awesome, that's how," I said. "Now stop distracting me. Break time's over, let's run some drills."

Sumia let out a little groan, her head lolling against my shoulder. I didn't enjoy this any more than she did, but she really did need the help.

And honestly, when else would I get the chance to practice with a lance?


That evening, as the sun sank low behind the Valmese capital and the moon began to rise I tromped back to the Ylissean camp after dinner. It had been a stuffy formal affair, in which Chrom and Say'ri had talked about mending the relationships between their nations and Valm and blah blah blah. Attendance had been mandatory for all the important people, so while Sumia had been cornered by a very curious Say'ri, asking about Pegasus rearing in Ylisse as opposed to Chon'sin, I'd gotten the hell outta dodge as fast as I could.

Now I was walking down the lonely, moonlit path to get back to my lumpy, hard camp bed where I'd spend all night staring at the canvas ceiling of my-

"Ho, evildoer!"

I froze at the shout, glancing over my shoulder. My hand automatically went to the hilts of the daggers hidden beneath my coat, but… I was still alone on the road.

"You dare face me!? I will show you why the Pegasus Knights of Ylisstol are feared throughout the land! Have at you, fiend!"

I smirked and dropped my hands from my knives, glancing over at the copse of trees beside the road.

"You will know the wrath of Cynthia, Heroine of Justice!"

I made my way over to the trees, quietly as I could in my formal getup, and leaned against a particularly large old oak. There, in a small clearing in the shadows, Cynthia was dueling with imaginary foes, swinging her lance around and striking heroic poses. She did a pretty good job of it, too; the small shafts of moonlight breaking through the trees glinted off her armor and lance as she spun and struck, her movements far too showy for a battlefield but impressive nonetheless.

Seeing her like this, all carefree and laughing, brought a small smile to my face. It was a far cry from the almost desperate hero act she had put on in her earliest days among the group, like she had been trying to prove that she was just as 'amazing as her parents were'. Now, watching her practice poses and lines for fun, no doubt to spring on Owain at breakfast in the morning, it was more like watching a normal adolescent girl.

Then a thought popped into my head, and I perked up.

I was carrying my sword, because it was part of the formal Army uniform…

With another grin I stepped into the clearing behind Cynthia, the time-travelling Pegasus Knight not hearing me until I yanked my sword from its sheathe in one smooth movement.

"Defend yourself!" I cried, lunging.

Cynthia let out a surprised little squeak, spinning and bringing her lance up to block on reflex. I tossed out a few slow, heavily telegraphed attacks before stepping back and flourishing my blade.

"G-General Ben!" Cynthia cried in surprise, blushing up to her roots. "What are you doing!? That's dangerous!"

I gave a slow, low laugh, laying it on thick.

"Long have I searched for a worthy opponent, girl," I said, stepping back into a ready stance. "Tell me… will the 'Heroine of Justice' be able to overcome the 'General of Chaos'!?"

Cynthia let out a gasp, her whole face lighting up as she caught on. It was pretty obvious what I was doing; I was standing in a one-handed dueling pose, which was an utterly useless style for battlefield fighting, and grinning like a bastard. We did this every so often, and I liked to spring this kind of little play on her and Owain from time to time.

Mostly Cynthia, because she knew how to gracefully end the session, unlike Owain, who had followed me around spouting lines for nearly an hour last time.

Flourishing her lance with an overexaggerated spin, Cynthia struck her most heroic pose and flashed me a winning smile as she threw her off-hand out.

"Justice always triumphs!" she declared, laughter in her voice.

"Prove it!" I challenged, failing miserably to keep my voice even.

We both shouted and charged, our weapons clashing in the darkness as we struck more heavily telegraphed blows at each other. Pretty soon Cynthia was laughing freely, a wide smile on her face matching my own goofy grin. We clashed again, pushing against each other's weapons and bringing our faces close.

"Is this the best Ylisse has got?" I asked.

"Just thought I'd slow down to your speed, old man," she shot back.

"Ha! You little bitch!" I barked out with a laugh.

I pushed the younger girl back, carefully sending her reeling into a clear patch of earth. She let out a yelp, and I circled my sword around before bringing it back to point up in a ready stance before my face. Cynthia fell flat on her ass, looking up at me with wide eyes as I posed and did my best smolder behind the sword.

"Oh my gods that was so cool!" the young pegasus knight declared, jumping back up. "You're the best, General! The! Best! So cool!"

I chuckled a little, lowering my sword before sheathing it and bending to pick up Cynthia's lance where she'd dropped it. The young brunette was still dancing around the small clearing, rambling about how awesome a match that was and how jealous Owain was going to be in the morning. She paused when she spotted me holding her precious lance out to her, and accepted it back with a wide smile.

Then, careful not to stab me in the face by accident again (that had not been a fun explanation to give Libra…), she wrapped me in a big hug, pressing her cheek to my shoulder.

"What's this for?" I asked with a laugh.

"For taking the time to do this with me," she said, stepping back. "I try to get the others in on it, but all I can manage is Owain and Morgan. I've even tried to get mother to join in, but… well…"

I dropped a hand on the kid's head, ruffling her hair a little.

"Yeah, your mom's more of a 'read about heroes' kinda gal," I agreed.

Cynthia giggled and beamed a hundred-watt smile at me, making me chuckle again. I had made attempts to get closer to most of the second gen characters since they had shown up. I trained with Kjelle, talked history and philosophy with Laurent and Nah, carried the bags when Severa went shopping, played wingman for Inigo, let Brady be my 'gofer', and so on. Of course, it helped that Morgan and Noire were my own kids, and I could get inside information from them.

The only one who still wouldn't have any part of my attention outside of an official capacity was Lucina. And, honestly, I couldn't blame her.

Of course, I also greatly encouraged the other parents to spend time with their own time-travelling children, but seeing as some of them couldn't remember who their fathers were, or refused to tell us, it became something of an awkward guessing game.

"Well, we should be getting back to camp soon," I said with a small yawn. "Behaving myself at dinner was exhausting. If I don't get out of these stupid dress blues and into some beer soon, I'm gonna have to kill someone."

"There's a scary thought," Cynthia laughed, falling into step beside me.

She bumped my shoulder with her own, much the same way her mother always did, and grinned up at me.

"Thanks again for the workout, old man," she said cheekily.

"Don't get cocky, kid," I scoffed. "Or I'll roster you for latrine duty for a month."

"You wouldn't abuse your power like that!"

"Ha! Have you met me!?"

And so it went, the whole way back to camp, the two of us trading pot shots at each other until we eventually stepped into the mess tent.


The next morning, I watched with glazed eyes and a blank expression as the soldiers around me prepared for muster.

We were marching on Chon'sin's capital, Ka'oki City, ahead of Say'ri's returning resistance forces to secure the route for the exhausted locals. It was a milk-run, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to put my best foot forward for the future Queen of Chon'sin and offer to handle the situation personally. No matter how tired I was.

It had been another sleepless night of watching the shadows play across the ceiling of my tent, which was currently being packed away by someone else because I was a General and could order my peons to do that for me, as I waited for sleep. I'd contemplated getting drunk and just passing out, as I had a few times during the campaign, but I knew from experience that the only thing worse than marching tired was marching with a hangover.

That had not been a fun day…

"I gotta get me a horse one of these days…" I grumbled, suppressing a yawn.

"Yes, we do pay you enough."

I glanced over my shoulder at the sound of someone quietly chuckling at me, quirking a brow.

"Ah, my Queen, to what do I owe the pleasure?" I asked. "I'd bow, but… eh."

Queen Cordelia just chuckled a little more, shaking her head. Long, crimson hair swayed in the early dawn, casting a radiant fiery halo around her head, contrasting with her white dress spectacularly. The dress itself was form-hugging, yet split up the sides of her legs to mid-thigh, revealing the white leggings beneath. Her silver breastplate already on, it was pretty clear to see who would be flying with the pegasus knights today.

Yes, Queen-Consort Cordelia. You heard right. God, that had been a nightmare to make happen…

"Flying overwatch today?" I asked conversationally.

Cordelia nodded as she came alongside me, absently watching the ordered chaos of my men breaking camp.

"Yes, Palla is getting quite restless," she explained. "I think she's upset that we didn't do as much fighting as the other Knights."

"Cordelia, we've been over this. You're queen now, and too important to waste in every skirmish," I said, rolling my eyes. "God, you're worse than Chrom… at least he's overt about it!"

"Oh, shush, you," Cordelia said with a small smirk. "I was simply stating facts."

"Not trying to guilt me at all?" I asked, quirking my brow a little higher.

"Well, maybe a little," she admitted with a small grin.

"Called it," I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

We chuckled for a little at the old joke between us, before going back to companionable silence. Cordelia had no doubt been prepared for today's march since last week, and, like I said, I had peons, so we both had some time free now. It was some time before either of us spoke again, Cordelia waiting until after I gave a particularly long yawn to speak.

"I heard you did some training with Sumia and Cynthia yesterday?" she said.

"Oh, you heard about that, did you?" I said lazily.

"I'd be surprised if everyone hadn't heard," Cordelia said with a small smile. "And I would avoid Owain for a little while were I you. He's somewhat put out that you trained without him."

"Ugh. God damn. Control your nephew," I groaned, running a hand down my face. "Slap him like Lon'qu does. Just… keep him away from me until I discover coffee."

Cordelia gave a dainty, queen-like laugh behind one hand, her lips turned upwards in a regal smile.

Quite honestly, getting everyone in on it and forcibly getting Chrom and Cordelia together had been one of the best things that had happened to Ylisse since Emmeryn had taken the throne. Her perfectionism was like an ideal that the rest of the nation strove to match, and her calm bearing and even manner made her a perfect foil for Chrom's more hot-headed moments in his early reign.

"Do you honestly think any of us can control him?" Cordelia asked. "We just… point him and hope for the best."

"You have spent far too much time around me, and that frightens me," I sighed. "What happened to the perfectionist that wouldn't have stopped until Owain was a perfectly mannered young man?"

"She spent far too long around her husband's retainer, I believe," Cordelia shot back.

"Yeah, that Frederick's a real bad influence," I scoffed.

I smirked and glanced up as Cordelia laughed again, a familiar form came jogging towards us, the young man snapping to a smart salute when he reached us.

He was a pretty average looking in his late twenties like most officers in the army, his neatly ordered dark blue duty uniform bearing the stripes and stars of a Colonel on his shoulder. His straight, long dark brown hair, so similar to the majority of the northern Ylissean peoples, was loose and hanging brushed back across his shoulders, and his pale complexion made the fresh scar along his right jaw stand out even sharper.

"Sir! The outriders are awaiting your orders!" he said.

"Kaelind, we've been over this, you have runners to pass on these messages," I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"I also have soldiers to do all my work for me now, so I have the free time," the man said with a small grin, before looking over to Cordelia. "And good morning, your majesty. You look lovely today. Will you be riding with us?"

"Thank you, Colonel," Cordelia said with a small, bashful smile. "And yes, I will."

"I'll make sure the men clean up properly, then," he said with a nod. "Wouldn't do to have us looking shabby while we're escorting our Queen."

"Dude, I am literally standing here in my pajamas," I yawned.

Kaelind and Cordelia both chuckled and rolled their eyes again as I let out another large yawn, shaking my head and blinking when I was finished.

"Ugh. Seriously, how the fuck are we supposed to sleep on those stupid cots?" I asked rhetorically.

"I sleep on the ground," Kaelind shrugged. "It hurts less when I fall out of bed that way."

"My cot sinks so deep it's like a hammock, I don't think I even could fall out," I grumbled.

"You should try one of the couple's cots, then," Cordelia chuckled. "There's a bar running right down the middle. It's actually less comfortable than sleeping on the ground."

"A travesty! Not even the Queen can get a good night's sleep!" Kaelind laughed.

"Chrom's problem, not ours," I shrugged.

"All it would take is a word and I could have my husband make it his 'retainer's' problem, too," Cordelia pointed out.

I opened my mouth to respond, biting back a curse when I realized that she was, technically correct. Kaelind and Cordelia both laughed, and I shook my head, marveling at how different this regal woman was from the shell-shocked young pegasus knight I had snuck a vat of pudding with in Regna Ferox what seemed like a lifetime ago now.

"And now that I have ensured my Lord General's embarrassment for the day, your orders, sir?" Kaelind chuckled.

"Ah, it's a conspiracy at the highest levels of government, is it?" I drawled. "Fine. I'll remember this. Tell the outriders to get started, send a squad of To'shi's scouts out behind them. We won't be much longer here."

True to my words, the men around us were just preparing the last of the tents and crates to be picked up by the Third Platoon, groups of men simply standing around and shooting the shit while they waited for marching orders starting to form now.

"At once, sir!" Kaelind said, snapping to a smart salute that was utterly ruined with his smart-ass grin. "And fair skies, Queen Cordelia."

"Thank you, Colonel Kaelind," Cordelia smiled.

And with that, the highest-ranking officer of the Fruford squads turned heel and began to march away with his back ramrod straight, ever the model officer. Next to him, in my sleep-rumpled clothes and stubble-coated head, it was sometimes hard to tell who was in charge around here.

"I should get this lot moving, too," I sighed after a moment. "See you during the lunch break?"

"Of course," Cordelia nodded. "I would not miss it."

I grinned and took a step away, only to be halted by Cordelia's hand on my elbow.

"Thank you for training with Sumia," she said in a low voice. "I worry about her now that I cannot do it myself."

I smirked, shrugging. "You give her too little credit, you know. She's a total badass."

"In the saddle," Cordelia corrected.

"Hey, I'll make a decent infantryman out of her yet," I laughed, before catching myself. "Infantrywoman? Whatever, point is we're making progress."

"And I know she appreciates it as much as I do," Cordelia said.

I nodded and took a few more steps before hesitating and glancing back.

"She might appreciate a little more confidence from her best friend, you know," I added over my shoulder. "Think about it while you're flying, huh? I'll see you both at lunch."

With my piece said, I turned and began my morning ritual of cussing out all of the soldiers within shouting distance, urging them to get their asses in gear for the march today and internally looking forward to having an informal lunch with the pegasus-riding women in my life later that day.

Of course, life often has other plans.


"Dammit! Tell the fourth squad to tighten formation on the right flank! I do not want these fuckers getting behind us! You! Signal Colonel Kaelind and have him move his cannons back out of the range of the enemy archers! We don't have cannoneers growing on trees! And will somebody please tell me why the Pegasus Knights are still in the air while we've got so many fucking enemy archers on the ground!?"

I glared up into the sky, squinting against the late morning sun as I tried to pick out the darting figures of the Pegasus Knights. We straight up did not have the Pegasus Knights to waste; Sumia knew better than this. So what…

"No… Cordelia, you wouldn't possibly be that stupid…" I muttered to myself.

Everything had been going fine until Walhart loyalist rebels had attacked us on the road, and in decent enough numbers to make me sweat a little. Clearly, someone had leaked information that the Ylissean General, Wing Commander and Queen would all be travelling together today. Of course, what they didn't realize was that the Ylissean General, Wing Commander and Queen were all travelling together, and were all total badasses. Still, though, it never hurt to be cautious, which was exactly the opposite of what Sumia's Knights were doing above us.

Sure enough, the girls in the sky moved into a new formation; an old-new formation. One that I hadn't seen since I'd started collaborating with Sumia in joint tactics. This was a text-book formation from Phila's days as Wing Commander, when the Ylissean ground forces had had oodles of mages to keep enemy archers preoccupied, one that would end in a brutal strafing run on the enemy ranks. Only problem was, the Ylissean Regular Army didn't have anywhere near the magical presence as the Shepherds or the Knight Orders did; the Mage Academy loaned their mages out to Chrom, not to me. Sumia knew that. Cordelia, clearly having taken command as was her right as Queen, obviously did not, or otherwise expected me to have come up with some sort of workaround.

And I had; it was a splendid workaround called 'the Pegasus Knights don't advance until I fucking tell them to'.

"Fuck! Runner!" I snarled.

A runner appeared, a thin young Chon'sinian expat, looking up at me with wide eyes.

"Signal Colonel Kaelind immediately, tell him to form up the cannons! The Pegasus Knights need cover!" I ordered, turning away before the man could even salute.

"Su'ko!" I called.

"My lord?" my second shadow asked, appearing as if out of thin air.

"Are you ready to help your Lord do something stupid?" I asked with a small grin.

"It is what I live for, my lord," she said with a small bow.

"Bitchin'," I grinned, all predatory teeth as I turned to the men around us. "First Squad, form up! We're gonna do something stupid!"

"Ooh-rah!" the men roared in approval.

I caught Noire's eye in the crowd, giving my daughter a small wink, which caused her to roll her eyes. Like I hadn't heard her shout along with the rest of the squad…

"Runner!" I called, turning as another signaler appeared. "Get back to Colonel Virion and Captain Robin, tell them to move reinforcements up from the reserve squads, we're moving to support the Pegasus Knights! Virion has command until I relieve him! Tell him to move the Fifth Platoon up, and I don't fucking care how tired Tennabree is, I want her perfect, tanned ass front and center! On the double!"

With that, I turned away again, stomping through the expectantly waiting soldiers and expecting both runners to do their jobs. Su'ko doggedly followed at my heels as the rest of the squad fell in, ten men and women that were the absolute best at what they did. I couldn't help but smirk a little, drawing my sword and holding it high.

"Men of Ylisse! Do you want to live forever!?" I asked loudly.

The resounding cry from my squad was louder than three squads put together.

"Then let's go kill some shit!" I shouted, to even greater approval.

Unfortunately, it would take some time to get the cannons into firing position. Time in which pegasai could easily be shot out of the air. Unless, of course, the enemy archers had something far more pressing to deal with.

Like a single squad of elite shock-troops, led by the enemy general himself, getting into their midst and tearing shit up.

Just long enough for Kaelind's men to get set up. Of course.

We charged through our own ranks, Kaelind's signal horns already blaring, the cannoneers already bringing the heavy ordinance around to bear on the enemy formations. However, I could already see some of the enemy archers taking pot-shots at my fliers, so we couldn't waste the time it would take for the cannoneers to load and ready their weapons.

I picked up the pace, the squad hastening to match it. The Ylissean line before us opened to let us pass, the rank and file shouting encouragement and challenges for us. The enemy before us seemed lost, utterly confused by this incomprehensible tactic. Which was exactly why it worked so well.

"Cordelia, I'm gonna kill you myself if you don't die up there," I growled to myself, chancing one last look up at the Pegasus Knights above us.


AN2019: Here we are with another lovely Apocryphal Tale, courtesy of my lovely patrons over on (P)atreon. They've had access to this story for three months now (!?), so if you want early access like they get, please consider supporting me! Part two will get posted here this time next month, so look forward to that!

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