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I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS THAT HONOR BELONGS TO YOSHIHIRO TOGASHI...

Rated for future chapters

This is my first fanfic in a very long time, my first account was deleted. So be nice. If you want to beta for me just let me know, otherwise I do it all myself. Thank you for your time. I really hope you enjoy this. Also I'm not super firm about the name, it might change later on as the story unfolds.

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~Killua~

Killua Sits on his bed in his and Gons shared room at heavens arena waiting for Gon to finish up in the bathroom. It had been two years since Gon returned from his expedition with Ging. Watching him leave was the hardest thing Killua had ever had to do. At least until Gon came home, and Killua had realized just how much he really cared for the dark haired hunter.

The young silver haired Hunter sat there ringing his hands, worry clear on his usually calm face 'I can feel it' he thinks to himself 'he's slipping away, I can't risk losing Gon I'm not strong enough to live without him.'

"that's it I'm just going to have to tell him how I feel." Killua practically yelled to himself as gon swung the bathroom door open.

"Tell who how you feel?" Gon asked walking to his dresser in nothing but a towel.

"..." Killua froze, how stupid of him to say that out loud. Even if Gon had still been in the shower he would've heard him.

"Killu, who are you talking about?" Gon questioned, turning his head to look at Killua as he pulled up his jeans instead of his usual shorts.

"Why are you wearing jeans?" Killua attempted to change the subject "are we going out?"

"Don't change the subject Killua!" Gon stated "just tell me who you have feelings for please." Walking across the room to sit With his back facing Killua in front of the mirror. He began playing with his hair adding small amounts of gel here and there where it was most unruly. Killua didn't answer, he just sat there staring at the back of his head, until he felt his eyes welling up. Killua hung his head hoping to hide his tears from Gon,but he should've known better because suddenly the bed shifted and Gon was on his knees in front of him.

"Killu...What's wrong?" Gon Practically whispered. To Killua it felt like years just sitting there wishing he could fade away into nothing. Gon however didn't want to wait any longer so he grabbed Killua by his jaw forcing him to look up. With wide eyes he realized Killua was crying so he did the only thing he could think of, he jumped forward hugging him tightly. "Why is Killua sad?" Gon asked not understanding how someone as perfect as this silver haired beauty in his arms could be so afraid to tell someone how he felt. Who wouldn't want to love him with everything they had. Killua started crying harder now, his body shaking violently. Gon held him tighter tearing up himself.

"Killu... please tell me what's wrong."

"I..I c..can't" Killua stuttered

"Yes you can Killua! You can tell me anything!" Gon exclaimed "...don't you know that by now?" He added sadly letting go of Killua to look at him.

"You just don't get it Gon." Killua practically screamed, his emotions getting the best of him. "I can't tell you because I'm a freak, and if I say it out loud you're going to leave me Gon" he finished quietly. Turning his body to face away from Gon.

"Idiot" Gon said mimicking Killua's favorite word "I would never leave you"

Killua looked up surprised. "Gon...It's not normal, how I feel."

"Well I can't help you or even be there for you properly if you don't tell me what it is."

"..."

"Unless you don't want me to help you," Gon said thoughtfully with misty eyes "do you want me to leave Killu? I don't want to push you if you don't want me here."

There was a long silence after that, so Gon moved to leave the bed only to feel Killua reach out and grab his forearm stopping him. Gon stood there patiently while Killua built up the courage to say what he wanted. All Gon could do is think about how pale Killua's hand looked against the tan skin of his arm.

"I like men, Gon" Killua whispered so quietly even with his superhuman hearing Gon had to strain himself to hear what was said. Gon looked over to Killua and smiled so brightly Killua felt he might go blind.

"So do I Killua, do you think I'm not normal?" Gon asked.

"What!?" Killua sighed "why didn't I know?" Killua thought to himself 'of course Gon would never have made me feel like an outcast for my sexual preference. He's the purest soul to ever walk the face of the planet. How could I have wasted so much time!'

"I wasn't sure you wanted to know, you never asked" Gon said a little bitterly.

Killua paused, "I can't believe I ever made you feel like I didn't want to know everything about you" Killua threw himself back onto his pillows and draped his arm over his eyes. "I like you Gon... but also somebody else..."

"Me huh?" Gon said softly with a smile "And someone else" he added Killua looked up just in time to see Gon's eyes flash with anger so fast he wasn't sure he saw it. "Who else...?"

"You have to understand, it's strange because I barely know him, and I don't even really like him as a person, but I dream about him all the time and I can't make it stop so I must like him and " Killua said in one breath searching Gons face for understanding.

Gon's face softened "Killua I like you too, so just tell me who it is please."

Shocked Killua stuttered his reply "H..His...Hisoka."

Gon's eyes went wide, Killua was paralyzed with fear for Gon's reaction. Then suddenly Gon was jumping up and pulling Killua up with him.

"W.what are you doing!" Killua asked worriedly. Gon was pushing Killua into the bathroom. "Hurry up or we will be late." Gon stated closing the door behind Killua. "Get ready to go to dinner, it's a fancy place so dress nice like me" Gon beamed gesturing to his outfit even though they couldn't see each other through the door.

Killua, confused as he was did what Gon asked of him, showered and dressed in his nicest clothes as quickly as he could. Gon still hadn't told him where they were going but he did hear him on the phone requesting an extra seat at his table. Currently walking Hand in Hand away from heavens arena, Gon was dragging him down the streets of York new city to the nicer parts of the shopping district. Coming to a stop outside of the fanciest restaurant Killua had ever been to, it looked like something out of a movie with its high ceilings and engraved art rising all the way up the blood red walls and onto the slate grey ceiling. Gon released Killua's hand walking inside to give his name to the hostess. Killua flexed his fingers feeling a coldness taking over the warmth Gons hand had left.

"Reservations for three for Gon Freecs please ma'am"

"Right this way sir." the hostess said "A member of your party was just seated."

"Who is it?" Killua asked only to receive a grin from the dark-haired boy.

"I have a date tonight Killu, but now you're going to join us" Gon whispered as they turned the corner to reveal a private room with a single occupant. 'A date? Gon was going on a date... how much do I really even know about him.' Thought Killua as they followed the hostess through the restaurant.

"Hisoka!" Gon exclaimed running over to hug the red haired magician.

Killua couldn't breath. Gon had a date with Hisoka and he didn't know. How many dates had they been on. Why had Gon brought him here, did he want to share his relationship with him? Killua could only hope, as he stepped forward taking the seat directly across from Hisoka. Looking up at the magician to see he was not in his usual magician costume and makeup but a blood red suit with a black shirt and vest. Killua had seen him without his makeup before, but this was different, he couldn't help but admire the way Hisoka looked out of his usual garb. Feeling slightly like he was intruding on something private that was meant only for Gon to see. He watched as Gon leaned down and kiss Hisoka fully on the mouth. Killua gasped audibly cause both men to turn and look at him.