Author's note: FINALLY EXAMS ARE OVER! YAY! =] I finally got back to my writing, worked through the writers block I got from being so stressed out, and the chapter is done! I can hear the angel's choir now…
Thank you for being patient. I hope no one has forgotten about me…
Anyways, I really hope you enjoy the chapter, and I know I'll enjoy my weekend off that doesn't involve studying until I pass out from pure exhaustion on my endless notes… I would love some reviews (and as always) THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT!
Love,
Mel =]
P.S.- CRAPP!!! Okay, to anyone who read the "Epic Alternate Ending" (if you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about... then lucky you =]) of the chapter about Ava's encounter with her father before he leaves PLEASE DISREGARD IT. That was a fatal mistake on my part and accidentally posted on here by me... IT IS AN OUTTAKE OF THIS STORY. I am so so so SO sorry if I have cause any confusion... but if you did indeed read it... ERASE IT OUT OF YOUR MIND RIGHT NOW. Thank you and I am so sorry!
18. Falls Apart
I closed my eyes. No. I was happy. I was finally happy. He couldn't be telling me this now. I tried to keep my breathing even. "What do you mean by 'all'." I asked very slowly, dreading the answer.
I didn't open my eyes as I waited for him to speak. "It's worse than your expecting." His told me coldly.
I didn't think it could get any worse than I expected. I always expected the worse possible thing that could happen. The Cullens massacred was the horrific image that evaded my mind at the moment. It most definitely couldn't get any worse. "Wanna bet?" I asked him, a nervous edge in my voice.
I heard him take a deep breath. I still had my eyes closed when he told me. "Ava, they massacre every living soul in Forks."
My eyes snapped open. "What?" I choked.
His face was twisted in disgust. "I looked into Alice's memories, and she was lying. The vision has revisited her after she first got it right after we met that first day of school. That's why she, Jasper, Emmett and Rose fled to Denali after that day. She didn't get it again tonight, but a few days ago. She didn't tell anyone about it, and Edward didn't say anything to anyone, but it bothered me. I have to be so careful with you, Ava. Now that I know you're not going to rat us out and cause a commotion, I have to make sure everything we do together doesn't pose a threat to our safety here. Luckily, she didn't have it again tonight from what I saw, but…"
I zoned out of his explanation about there, my breathing patterns getting more and more rapid. I tried to get a grip. I tried to be strong, like I usually could be. But his words repeated themselves in my head inexorably. Every living soul in Forks. Cindy, Max, Katrina, Madison. Every living soul in Forks. Mom, Dad, Allison, Alicia. Every Living Soul in Forks. Edward, Bella, Alice, Jasper. Every Living Soul in Forks. Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, Renesmee, Jacob. Every Living Soul in Forks.
Ronan.
Suddenly, my dress seemed to be crushing my lungs, and the walls of the car began to close in on me. I made an effort to pull on my dress, but I failed miserably. I couldn't breath.
"Ava!?" I heard Ronan yell through my gasps. He pulled over on the highway quickly, getting beeped at in the process.
He grabbed my hands and jerked my body towards him. "Breathe, Ava!"
I shook my head, feeling dizzy. "Look at me!" He yelled. His grip on my wrists tightened. His face was frantic. "Dammit it, Ava, breathe!" He shook me.
I exhaled a choking sob, and I felt tears prickle in my eyes. I inhaled sharply then, the tears rolling down my cheeks and most likely running the make-up Alice, my best friend, my sister, the person I put into immense danger, had carefully put on my eyes.
He pulled me into him, grunting as he did so. "Des." He groaned through clenched teeth, but only pulled me closer. "Ava," His voice was shaking in pain. "Ava, I'm so sorry. It's going to be okay. I'm here." I heard him begin to weep along with me, for Des I was guessing.
I choked on the erupting sobs, and his agonized face was the last thing I saw before I blacked out.
***
I was extremely hesitant to open my eyes the next morning, fearing what the life would bring on this day. As far as I could tell, it wasn't going to be a pleasant one. Sunlight was the last thing trying to evade through my closed eyes, and I was colder than usual in my normally fairly warm bed. But mainly, I couldn't bear to open my eyes to the image that had stuck in my mind the entire night. The exact picture that Alice had probably seen in her haunting vision. I shut my eyes tighter, attempting to get rid of the horrific scene, but instead, it only got worse. I felt colder all of the sudden, as a thick fog wafted along the colorless ground of the scene, the heart-wrenching feeling of death in the air. I began to shiver. It was so cold.
Suddenly, I felt fingers gently comb through my snarly hair, and I slowly opened my heavy lids. I noticed my head wasn't on my pillow, but something much more solid. Groggily, I shifted my head up to Ronan's face. A very concerned expression composed his features. His coat was off, but he still wore his dress shirt from last night; the magnificent, fairy-tale-worthy date that now felt like eons ago.
"You stayed all night with me?" I asked, my voice a complete crackling mess from the sobbing I did last night.
He stroked my hair again, shaking his head. "Oh, Avs. I'm so sorry. You passed out in the car. I… I can't…" He stopped, collecting himself. He looked about on the verge of tears, if it was possible for vampires to cry. "Seeing you like that. And holding you like that. God, it was the most agonizing feeling I've felt since we've been together. I couldn't leave you after last night if my life depended on it."
I sat up too quickly, shutting my eyes tightly as I experienced a head rush. I noticed how uncomfortable I was sleeping then, and looked down at my dream-like ball gown I was still wearing. It was unzipped in the back, and the front was hanging off. I slapped my hand to my chest quickly, giving a horrifyingly embarrassed glance toward Ronan.
I he put his hand to his head. "Dammit, of course you don't remember. You told me you couldn't breathe and you were pulling at your dress before you blacked out last night, so I unzipped it." He gave me an embarrassed smirk through the excruciating pain in his eyes.
I shook my head. "Oh… um… yeah, that's… fine."
He cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed himself, as I slid myself slowly out of my bed, holding on to the top of my dress for dear life.
"Excuse me for a moment." I told him, my strained voice cracking loudly.
"Of course." He told me, nodding.
I walked over to the couch where my pajamas laid from the other night, grabbed them quickly, then stopped dead in my tracks. I turned to him quickly. "My parents?" I asked him.
"Asleep before we came home. Your sisters slept over a friend's house. Your father left for work this morning and your mother went to get her nails done at around the same time." He looked down. "You weren't checked on."
I stifled the disappointment. I guess my mother showing interest in my activities before I left last night was out of pure boredom. I rolled my eyes. "Figures. I'll be right back." I stumbled out of my room and across the hall to the bathroom, and shuddered when I caught a glance my heinous reflection in the mirror when I flipped on the lights.
My hair was a complete disaster of curls, snarls and hairspray piled on my head. The bobby pins were out luckily, and Ronan had stroked one side enough that it was manageable, so I started pulling a brush through that side first. But my medusa-like hair was nothing compared to my puffy face.
Even though I was fairly tan, the skin around my eyes was swollen pink, and the make up Alice had neatly put on was a smeared mess. My cheeks were flushed, and my nose was red and stuffy. I looked like a complete, emotional wreck.
After getting most of the tangles out of my hair so it was at least hanging around my face and not on top of my head, I began vigorously washing my swollen face. I threw my hair into a messy bun, trying to tame my frizzy bangs to the side, but finally giving up and pinning them up.
When I got back to the room, Ronan was still in the same exact position on the bed, eagerly, yet solemnly awaiting my arrival. I approached the bed, carefully sitting on his lap the way that didn't bring back Des, and he let out a long sigh.
"Did you take the bobby pins out of my hair?" I asked him.
He opened up his palm, revealing the fifty pins Alice put in my hair. "You weren't restless for about two hours, so I took them out."
I nodded, and his eyebrows furrowed. "I was worried about you last night. You've never reacted so…"
"Melodramatically?" I took his hand and concentrated on rubbing it with my thumb while he spoke to me.
"No, more like so outrageously. Usually, you just contain the emotion and deal with it well, keeping it inside, which isn't healthy but just your nature. But last night, you just completely melted down. Not that it's a bad thing… it was just… too abnormal. You've never reacted like that to anything…"
I shook my head. "I know, Ronan. That moment was just the exact wrong time to tell me that the people I love are going to die. Because of us. And I… I just can't…"
I looked into his pained eyes. "I can't lose you guys. Not after what I realized last night." I shook my head. "I… I don't know how to explain this feeling… I'm no Shakespeare, Ronan. Unless it's in the script, I don't pull epic, meaningful metaphors out of thin air." I took a deep breath. "My entire life, I've been… incomplete; empty. Empty of love and reality. I felt misplaced, or to make it blunt and honest, like I've never quite belonged. My parents had each other. My sisters had each other. But I, I was alone. I had Jen for a while, I had Joseph, I had multiple groups of friends where I lived, I had my Grandpop, but each of them left me. I was continuously alone, and after Jen and Joseph, I stopped letting people in completely.
"I moved here, thinking it was all going to be the same exact cycle. Mom and dad, Alicia and Allison, then me; in my lonely, empty place as always. But then, Ronan, I walked right into you. Hard. I had no time to recover from my amazement that I had just encountered the most… the most beautiful creature I've ever witnessed, where as you knew every detail of my life. You were already in love with me, where as I didn't even know your name, and with my experience of people coming into my life then leaving me empty again, I couldn't let you in. Even after you came to my table that day, and ended up being one of the most amazing guys I've ever spoken to, I couldn't let you in. But for some, extremely rare and very strange reason, I didn't think you were going to leave me, and when you did with your family, I was absolutely shattered." I felt my eyebrows furrow, still trying to figure this out.
"It was a very weird reaction on my part, but I couldn't suppress the emotion. I felt detached from myself in a way, like I was on auto pilot that week you were gone. And then," I put his hand behind my ear. "You ran into me. I fell in love with you, and your family. I let you in, Ronan. I let your family in. I realized last night that I had found real love with the Cullens. And then you tell me they are all going to die." I held onto his hand tighter and looked down; trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to roll down my cheeks. "I can't be left again, Ronan." I whispered.
He kept his hand behind my ear, and raised my chin with his other hand. "Ava. Don't worry about it. Everything's going to be fine."
I shook my head. "Why didn't you tell me about this vision before? Maybe it would've explained why your siblings hated me so much."
"Avs, I was afraid to. I didn't want you to, well, leave me. I feel the same exact way about you. I love you, you make me feel real." He put his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes with intensity. "You can't leave me."
I shook my head, tears filling my eyes yet again. "Never." I told him passionately.
We sat like this for a few moments, staring into each others eyes, so close, yet so far from his lips. Finally, I had to break the silence. "Ronan, you can never keep anything like that from me again."
He nodded. "Okay."
"And, I need you to tell me everything. About your family, I mean. You left gaps. I can tell, especially after Bella spoke to me last night. I feel like their life in Forks before they left is too vague to me."
He nodded, taking in a long breath. "So, you want to know everything."
"What's with this emphasis on everything? Didn't you pretty much tell me everything?"
He shook his head. "I left out a pretty large chunk of everything."
"What?" I asked, aghast. He was such a liar.
"Yeah. Their stories are quite… complex."
"Well, I'm listening." I said as I heard the door open downstairs. I rolled my eyes as Ronan slid out of my bed.
"It might take a few days to tell you the entire story, Avs, and I want to ask them for permission. I'll be back tonight."
"Wait, you can't come back tod-…" I began, until I realized he'd already made his way out of the window.
I let out a huff, and slammed back into my pillows as I heard the twin's giggling fill the atrium. Their choffer, Chris, must have dropped them off. I was hungry for breakfast, but the last thing I wanted to do was encounter those demons, so instead I got up and turned on the Bach CD that was in my player.
When I got back to my bed, I began to think about my parents. Why hadn't they gone out last night? They went out every single Friday. I don't think they'd ever missed a Friday, beside the times my father had been on a business trip. Something had to be up. Something both of them were very reluctant to tell me. Even though they both avoid the truth, they are never very good at hiding it.
I racked my brain for any suspicious activity on their part, but all I could come up with was the week before when they had their fight. I thought they'd be over that by now. They always worked it out, even when his drinking problem was at its climax…
Suddenly, I heard the front door open again and something drop onto the floor. "Allison, Alicia!? Come on. We're going to Seattle for your winter wardrobe." It was my mother, and she sounded demanding and aggravated. Anger seethed in my blood. Of course this is how she would solve her problems. By maxing out her credit card for her beloved twins. I rolled my eyes and stormed out of my room to go downstairs to the kitchen, just so I could glare at her while she was oblivious to my presence, as she waited for my bratty sisters. She didn't even acknowledge me when I grudgingly walked by.
The day was endless. I was home alone, and my father never came home, so I decided to get my homework done. I thought maybe Ronan would stop by if he realized no one was home, but he never did. I showered and got the snarly curls out of my hair after multiple times of smashing the shampoo button with my fist angrily. I read half of Great Expectations for the umpteenth time. This was typical life before Ronan, and I went back to it grudgingly, but at ease.
Finally, my sisters and mom came home, and even later on, my father. I was in my bed, waiting patiently on my side for Ronan to arrive, and I smiled as I heard my window open almost silently, and Ronan slid under the covers with me. He began stroking my hair immediately.
"I missed you." I told him, scooting in closer to his cold body, but not close enough to bring back any of his excruciating memories.
He answered by grabbing my hand and rubbing it with his thumb. He took a deep breath. "Bella and Edward met in biology class, and her blood was so pungent to him, he almost killed her, along with the class of students and the teacher right then and there."
I turned towards him, smiling. I was instantly intrigued. "Go on." I ordered.
***
Since I continuously fell asleep out of pure exhaustion, five nights were spent with Ronan telling me, well, everything. Soon, I was informed of everything from the tracker nearly killing Bella, to Victoria and the newborns, to the syringes of Edward's venom he kept for Bella incase of emergency, to Carlisle's terrible transformation hundreds of years ago, to Jasper's life in the civil war, to Alice's mysterious human life, to Jacob's wolf pack. He was definitely right about the stories being complex, but now I felt completely up to par when it came to the Cullens. I was satisfied, and could almost be completely positive with the fact that there were no secrets between us anymore.
I went to school those days completely exhausted, but it was worth it. I was nagged by Cindy the entire time I spent with her about the movie Friday, and I unwillingly told her I was going at least a few thousand times. She was just way too excited for this vampire movie.
The days were sluggish with out Ronan as always, and I was immensely relieved when the final bell rang to go home that Thursday. Ronan had a surprise for me on Friday, but it wasn't the surprise I was excited for. It was the fact that I could be with Ronan, even if we did have little time left together. Alice luckily Alice didn't have the vision again, but we were still cautious and spending every moment together as if it was our last.
I drove slowly through the pelting rain, dreading going home and doing a five page report for Honors English on three hours of sleep. I pulled up the driveway listlessly, hoping that tonight maybe Ronan would come over early and take me out of the misery of the five page minimum paper, and opened the garage. My mother's car was parked there, so at least she wasn't on another one of her shopping extravaganzas. I parked next to her, grabbing my backpack and getting out of the car slowly and unwillingly. I walked up the small stairs leading up the door to the house in the garage, but when I opened it, I heard a peculiar sound.
It sounded like choking sobs, violent ones like I had experienced Friday night during my panic attack. It couldn't be my mother. It just couldn't. She was too bright, and even when she was sad or deeply depressed, she would keep the smile on her face and hold it all back. I've never seen her shed a tear in my life.
But who else could it be? No one else was home. I cautiously stalked through the kitchen, where the house cleaner was quickly clearing away broken glass on the floor, listening for where the sound was coming from. I heard a loud moan come from the foyer, so I instinctively quickened my pace around the corner into the large, high ceilinged room, where I found my mother, sitting on a step on the staircase with her face in her hands. I ran up to her, surprised to large proportions.
"Mom?" I asked her, my eyebrows furrowing at my weeping mother.
She took her face out of her hands, and gazed up at me with the most empty, tear-ridden eyes I had ever seen. "He's… gone." She sobbed.
