Chapter 11: A Warrior's Final Rest

Harmand leads me to the front of the palace gate. It's made of hulking black iron and like the actual palace itself, it makes me feel smaller and smaller as we approach.

Amidst all the different architectural styles, the one that stands out as being the most dominant is Gothic. It reminds me of old cathedrals I'd seen in picture books as a child. Spires jut from the different ledges of the palace. Stone gargoyles stand guard like silent sentries. A massive rose window in the center acts like an eye casting its cold and indifferent gaze upon the desert expanding infinitely before it.

But then there are other parts of the palace that are decidedly not Gothic where the lines are straighter, with fewer spires, less sharp angles, the stone used for these portions is rougher, less polished but it seems pulled from both the distant past and the distant future.

The whole thing looks like how I imagine music might appear if it had manifested a physical form, all the different sounds of different instruments forming something else entirely.

"How long has this been here?" I ask.

"Well over a thousand years, boyo."

"A thousand? There's no way. It's been here this whole time?"

"That's right. It was created by one of the first Eldian kings. Using the power of the Founding Titan, he intended it as a final resting place for the brave warriors who willingly shortened their lives in service of the Eldian Empire. In exchange for our lives, we would be allowed to spend all of eternity living in the lap of luxury."

"No one mentioned this at all during our warrior training."

"That's because no one alive knows about it. The king who designed this place did so out of the goodness of his heart. He constructed it and told no one. It was only after the current group of Nine warriors' terms ended all those centuries ago that they find out about it. It's intended to be a reward; a surprise of sorts. One you don't know about until it's all said and done. I guess you could call it one of the most well-kept secrets in the entire world."

"Yeah, I guess."

"It isn't without its drawbacks, though. Only holders of the nine original titans can reside within this place. It's closed off to all other Eldians. So that means we will spend eternity here while our friends and loved ones have long-since departed."

"So, we're trapped here?"

"Don't say it like that, boyo. We aren't prisoners. We can do as we please, take orders from no one but ourselves. It's only a prison if you make it so in your mind. But another nifty thing about all this is that we have the gift of omniscience."

"What's that?"

"It's another ability of the Founding Titan which has been bestowed upon this place as well as the Palace. It can see all of time happening all at once. Everything that has and will happen. That explains the different architectural designs of the palace and why I was able to pick you up in a Jeep. These are things that will exist in the future but which also exist here right now."

Uhhhhhhh…
"Is what I'm saying making sense, boyo?"

"I think I need to sit down," I say, trying to grasp the concepts that are being dropped on me as if I'm a physics prodigy or something.

"It's alright, boyo. You're a new arrival so you're still getting used to the idea of non-linear time. You're still connected to that life and to those people you left behind on the other side. It's understandable."

"Those I left behind?" I said, softly. Harmand was still talking but his voice trails off as I processed the meaning of those words. Those I left behind. Those I left behind. Those that left me behind? No. They didn't do that. I left them behind when I was killed. Allowed myself to be killed. No. I wanted to live. Not the other way around. I would never do that. Never dare abandon Reiner. Never dare abandon Annie. Fuck! It isn't fair! Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

"You alright, boyo?"

"What?"

"You're were just sort of staring blankly. Everything okay?"

"Oh. Uh. Yeah. Yeah. I'm good, sorry. I was just…huh, I don't know."

"It's okay. Just relax, boyo. I know it's a lot to take in. I was in the exact same position when I arrived. But it'll become much easier to comprehend as you spend more time here. Why don't we get you settled in?"

He takes me by the arm but I pull away, taking several steps back. When he tries to get closer and I step back, the gap between us remaining the same, never getting bigger or smaller.

"What's the matter, boyo?" he asks.

"Before we do anything else, answer this for me, really quick."

"What is it?"

"I'm dead. Right? I died. And you died. We're both dead. And this is like…an afterlife?"

"Yeah. You could see it like that. We are definitely dead, boyo. Dead as doornails. You could call this place Heaven if you'd like. If it makes the overall experience easier to comprehend. Some of us do but those are just the religious cooks who believe in things like right and wrong. I think Memory Palace sounds cooler. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Yeah. I guess I would."

Harmand holds his hand out to me, offering to close the distance I've created between us. I reach out for him and he puts his hand across my shoulder, like a concerned older brother.

"I'm sorry, boyo. I admit I've been avoiding the topic of death around you. Most arrivals reach this place by way of the Ceremony so they don't have as much baggage so to speak. By the time we arrive he we've long since made our peace with it. But you didn't get here through the Ceremony."

"Oh. So, you know how it all went down?"

"I do."

He turns so that he's standing in front of me as I wake towards the gate. He's so quick on his feet that I walk right into a hug before I'm aware of what just happened. I don't even try to fight it. The part of me that needs this is stronger than all my other parts at the moment. Harmand saw how I died, so he knows that I died alone. Does he know about anything before that? About Reiner and me? Oh, Reiner. I can't think about him right now. Anytime I try I think I'll start crying and I won't ever stop. But it's no use holding it back. As soon I start thinking about him, Annie, and the others, all of them back there in a world that I cannot return to, I cry.

Harmand rubs my back and pats my hair. He doesn't care that I'm crying big ugly tears with snot dripping down my nose. He doesn't care that my tears and snot are staining his clothes.

"It's ok, boyo. It's ok. It's over now. Let it all out."

"W-w-what am…what a-am I…whatamIsupposedtodo now?" I shout in between sobs.

"You don't have to do anything ever again. That's the beauty of this place. You're free."

"F-free?" I ask.

"Yes, boyo. You're finally free. Freed from our shackles. We're all free."

I take some time to gather myself, breathing deeply, wiping my eyes. My sobbing shifts to laughing.

"You don't know how much I hate that word," I say.

"Which one?" Harmand asks.

"Freedom. I heard someone use that word so many times that hearing it now after all this time makes me want to vomit."

"Ah, you must be talking about Eren Yaeger," Harmand says, crossing his arms.

"I am. You know about him?" I ask.

"Heh. Of course, I do. We know everything there is to know about Eren Fucking Yaeger," Harmand replies, putting scornful emphasis on the "fucking". He says it like he's known Eren personally his entire life and hates his goddamned guts.

"What do you mean by that?" I ask.

Harmand is silent.

"What do you mean?"

"That's not important right now. Come on, boyo. Let's get you out of those rags and into some comfier clothes."