Hey everyone! I know it's not my usual day but I was super excited to finish this one and didn't want to wait. This is a bit of a prologue for my new story The Power He Knows Not. Its first chapter comes out 10 September 2021. It's a Hermione/Viktor story with a heavy side of Harry/Ron and a sprinkling of helpful Severus throughout. This is a bit of the backstory for why Severus acts the way he does in the first couple chapters of that story but it totally stands alone if you aren't feeling like reading the other story. :o) Hope y'all like it!
Love Always,
Adrien
Disclaimer: I sadly don't own the sandbox that is the Potterverse. I just enjoy building sand castles in J. K. Rowling's sandbox. The prophecy underlined like this also doesn't belong to me, it comes from Rowling's Order of the Phoenix. The section underlined like this during James and Lily's wedding also doesn't belong to me, it comes from Stephenie Meyer's Breaking Dawn (I was just being a nerd and couldn't help myself).
Always
"I'm scared," a tiny girl with auburn hair whispers, her knuckles white as she grips the tall grass beside her.
"There's nothing to be afraid of, Lily," an awkward boy with scraggly dark hair replies, his hands covering her right hand in an attempt to relax it. "I'll be there for you every step of the way. Even if we end up in separate houses."
"And I'll be here when you get home and whenever you need someone to lend an ear," a slightly older girl with an incredibly long neck tells the young redhead with complete confidence as she covers the younger girl's left hand with both of her.
"Do you promise?" Her voice quivers as her emerald eyes glisten with tears.
"Always," the other two children reply in unison.
"See," Severus's voice is softer than Lily has ever heard it as he holds his wand out in front of Petunia. "You just flick your wrist like this and say: Lumos!"
A bright light sparked from the end of the wand that he had gotten with his mum barely a week ago, making Lily's eyes widen with joy.
Severus stops the spell and gently places the treasured piece of wood in Petunia's hand.
"Lumos!" The girl pronounces perfectly, mirroring his movements exactly with the wand in her hand, but nothing happens. "Lumos!" Petunia tries again, her voice wobbling slightly. "LUMOS!" Her voice cracks as tears stream down her cheeks.
Lily is rooted to her spot, her previous joy completely drained away. In her almost eleven years, she had never seen her sister cry. What really surprises the redhead though is the fact that her best friend immediately pulls her older sister into his arms like it's the most natural thing in the world.
Severus Snape, who had known almost no kindness until he had met the Evans family, rubbed circles on Petunia's back the same way he'd seen Lily do as the older girl sobbed into his chest. He wished more than anything that he could help her. Hell, he would give her his magic if he could but he can't.
Lily's eyes connect with Severus's over Petunia's head, her own tears streaming down her cheeks for the pain her sister is going through.
"You don't need magic to be special, Petunia. You're special all on your own," Severus murmurs.
The mass of students was overwhelming. Both Severus and Lily clung to each other as they were herded from one place to another with their fellow eleven-year-olds. Lily's nails bit into his skin but Severus didn't have the heart to say anything because he completely understood how nervous she was. After all, he was almost certain they would end up in different houses. She was his best friend in the world but they were entirely different people.
Lily tugged on his arm, pulling him out of his thoughts as the sorting ceremony began. "Even if we don't end up in the same house, you'll still be my best friend," she whispered for just him to hear.
"Promise?" he whispers back, pulling her closer to himself.
"Always!"
"You are so beautiful," Severus murmurs, his long fingers threading through Petunia's hair as he cups her cheek in the palm of his hands.
She looks down at the small trowel in her hands, a bright blush flaring across her cheeks. "I'm nothing compared to Lily," she murmurs back, pulling her lip in between her teeth.
"You don't see yourself clearly," Severus states in the matter-of-fact way that Petunia knew drove Lily crazy but that had always brought her comfort. He wasn't always kind when he spoke that way but he never lied and Petunia would take brutal truth over fake kindness any day. "We both know that Lily is beautiful," Severus states after a beat of silence, breaking Petunia from her thought process and bringing her gaze back to his. "Both inside and out. But so are you. Where she is wild, you are refined. You never leave the house with a hair out of place. Where she is loud in her love, you are quiet in yours. Like how you threw yourself into gardening for the first time because you knew I loved it, despite how much you hate getting dirty. Where she-"
Petunia's lips on his stop him from continuing his sentence as she nearly tackles him in a kiss, all the breath leaving his body as he ends up on his back. The rocks they hadn't yet managed to clear away from their little garden next to the river bit into his back but her body pressed against his made everything else fade away.
"You look like shit, Sev," Lily states from where she's sitting in one of Hogwarts's many window sills the moment Severus enters their abandoned alcove.
"And you've clearly been spending too much time around those Gryffindor hooligans, Lil," Severus drawls back, leaning against the wall next to his best friend's window perch.
"Are you going to tell me why this cloak and dagger meet up was necessary now?" Lily sighs, hugging her legs to her chest and resting her cheek on her knees as she stares at Severus.
"It isn't safe for me in Slytherin anymore," Severus states reluctantly.
"Because you're friends with me?" Lily asks, her lips pressing tightly together in distaste after the question escapes.
A sharp nod is the only response she gets.
"Is that why you've been pulling away?" She hugs her legs even tighter to her chest so she doesn't cry.
"It is...but it's not enough. Right now, they see you as the only reason that I'm not taking their side and...there's talk of taking care of you…" Severus trails off, his eyes harder than Lily has ever seen them as he looks anywhere but her.
"Severus." She uses his full name because she knows it will get his attention, she's exclusively used his nickname for years now, and it does.
His gaze snaps to hers and instantly softens as he offers her a small smile, "I have a plan."
"Promise me we'll still be best friends after?"
"Always," is his instant reply before he elaborates, "Everyone else will just think we've had a major blow out during which I'm going to use a word that the Gryffindors will see as unforgivable and the Slytherins will see as me finally taking their side."
"Do you ever wish that we could go back?" Lily murmurs mostly to herself but still loud enough for Petunia and Severus to hear her as they lay in the tall grass next to their river.
"I try not to make a habit of thinking about what can't be changed," Severus replies.
"Always forward, never back," Petunia says simply, lacing her fingers through Severus's and squeezing softly as she agrees with him.
"It was so much simpler then though. No hiding. No running. Just us. Out in the open. Completely free."
"Vernon asked me out again," Petunia huffs, setting her briefcase down before sitting next to Severus on the log they'd moved into their makeshift garden to act as a bench. She'd come straight from work instead of changing like she usually would because she'd been frustrated from Vernon's continued advances and she had just wanted to see Severus.
Instead of Severus's usual snide comments about the older man that always made Petunia smile, he says, "Maybe you should say yes."
"Excuse me?" Petunia snaps, her voice raising an octave as her eyebrows shoot to her hairline.
"What we're doing...it's not healthy...sneaking around like this… Especially when you can't protect yourself from my kind...You deserve the world and...I can't give that to you," his words are more stilted than they have been since they were young but he manages to push through...Even if he had to avoid making eye contact with her to do so.
"If you think I deserve the world, don't you think I deserve to get what I want? I want you, Severus. I have always wanted you and anything else...it just doesn't matter. We can build a world that we both deserve. Together," she states, cupping his face in both hands so that he is forced to meet her watery gaze.
"I'm sorry," Severus murmurs, gently pulling her hands away from his face as he slowly rises to his feet. "I can't do this anymore." More than anything, he has to protect her and this...this is the best way.
"I love you," she calls after him as he walks away.
He pauses despite himself. More than anything, he wants to respond the way he always does, the way he had since they were children. It's only one word. It would be easy. As easy as breathing. Instead, he keeps walking. But in his heart he knows that he will love her. Always.
"Thank you," James said as he came into view ten minutes later than planned, still blocking Lily from Severus's view. "This is very… kind of you."
"Kind is my middle name," Severus drawls, rolling his eyes. "Can I cut in?"
"Severus," Lily gasps, peaking around her new husband then picking up her skirt and sprinting toward her best friend. "SEV!"
Severus nods his thanks to James as the newly married man heads back to his reception, giving the two best friends a moment alone, as Lily sobs into Severus's chest and the two begin rotating in time to the music drifting their way from the reception.
"Stop blubbering, [Lily]. You'll ruin your dress. It's just me," Severus murmurs, softly tucking a stray lock behind her ear.
"Just? Oh, [Sev]! Everything is perfect now."
He snorted. "Yeah—the party can start. The best man finally made it."
"Now everyone I love is here."
Severus's eyes trail over to the treeline that he knows Petunia is on the other side of. This is the closest he's been to her in years.
"She misses you, you know," Lily murmurs as she follows his gaze.
"She's married now," his voice is flat, his mask firmly in place.
"He's horrid," Lily huffs, anger flaring through every feature on his face.
Severus, more than anything, wants to ask where that anger came from but he knows if he did, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from getting involved. Instead, he simply states, "He's still safer than she ever would have been in our world."
"What's the point of being safe when neither of you are happy?" Lily's fiery gaze is replaced by complete heartbreak.
"Questions like that are why you ended up in Gryffindor instead of Slytherin," Severus replies softly, giving his best friend a bitter smile.
"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..." as the words from the prophecy slip through Severus's lips, Lily's face pales and her hand hovers unconsciously over her stomach.
There's a tense beat where neither friend says anything but both stare down at Lily's still flat stomach.
"We were waiting to tell everyone..." Lily finally whispers.
"When?" Severus chokes out.
"He's due at the end of July..." Lily's voice wobbles, tears making her emerald eyes shine.
When Lily's first tear falls, Severus does something he had done less than ten times in their entire friendship. He initiates contact, pulling his best friend into a tight hug.
"Promise me that we'll find a way to keep our family safe," Lily murmurs, her face still pressed into his best friend's shirt.
"Always," Severus replies, a plan that he knows she will hate already forming in his mind. Especially considering it meant that he would be going even deeper into that dark side and she wouldn't be able to be his Order contact much longer.
"HOW COULD YOU?!" Lily screams, her fist pounding against his chest as tears stream down her face.
Severus holds his best friend close as her anger bleeds into heart wrenching sobs. His fingers softly stroke through her auburn hair, trying in vain to comfort her.
"Why?" She whispers once her sobs had quieted, her face still buried in his chest.
"It was the best option," he whispers back, squeezing her body tightly to his.
"How was being branded by a madman the best option?"
"If being a spy keeps you and yours safe, I would choose this brand every time."
"You can't keep going on like this," Lily whispers, dabbing his forehead with a cool cloth. "It's starting to leave lasting damage."
"I don't really have a choice in the matter, Lily," Severus grumbles, small spasms continually running through his body.
Lily rolls her eyes before setting down her cloth and grabbing three pages of parchment off the table, "I've been brainstorming for a potion to help with the aftereffects of the Crutiatus. What do you think?"
Severus's eyes scan the individual pieces of parchment as she holds them out in front of him. "I don't think you need the toad's spleen but I think this could work. We can test it on me next time," he says after scanning the last page.
"I wish I didn't have to," Lily sighs, setting the loose leaf pieces of parchment back on the table next to a half-finished letter to Petunia as Severus watches her.
"Does she ever respond?" Severus asks, his eyes trained on the letter as he changes the subject.
"No...Not since the wedding... I keep trying to tell myself that it's for the better but it's hard. She's so bitter toward magic. I can see her starting to hate our world again and that husband of hers doesn't help anything."
"Can you blame her?"
"No...I really can't...it's already cost her so much and now I can't even tell her where I am."
"But she's safer this way. We're protecting our own and that's what matters."
"We're good at that. That's why we're best friends," Lily murmurs, giving him a soft smile.
"Always," he replies, returning her smile.
"Where is she?" Petunia's voice is rough as she tugs her cardigan as tightly around her as she possibly can, her gaze trained on a spot over Severus's shoulder.
She's skinnier than Severus has ever seen her before, almost scarily so, and Severus suspects the thick coating of makeup on her face is hiding the circles of many sleepless nights but her eyes are still the same familiar shade of mahogany.
Petunia had always hated her eyes, wishing she'd had the brilliant emerald of her sister, but they had always reminded Severus of growth. Of the bark they'd carved their names into when they were children and the hearts they'd added when they fell in love. Of the fertile soil the two of the had spent hours messing about in, identifying all their local flowers. Of the home they'd created together as they had grown.
"Safe," Severus's voice is smooth as he replies, his mask firmly in place as he watches one of the few people he had ever cared about start to crumble.
"Don't give me that, Severus! WHERE IS MY SISTER?!" Her eyes sparkle with unshed tears as she finally meets his unwavering gaze.
"I can't tell you that, Petunia,"
All at once the tension leaves Petunia's stance and her body sags, her arms wrapping around her middle like she's attempting to hold herself together. When she speaks, it's in a broken whisper that shatter's Severus's heart:
"I can't keep doing this. Being completely oblivious to this world that has sucked the two of you in, it's tearing my marriage apart. I'm not like you, it isn't natural for me to be a part of your world. I'm not intuitive and quick like you, Severus, or brave and stubborn like Lily...I'm not magic...I'm just me and I am tired...Vernon and I are starting a family and...I can't bring this worry into their lives...I have to let you...both go. If you can't take me to her, can you at least tell her that for me...And please, make sure she knows I love her."
There are a million things Severus wants to say as he sees the tears streak down her cheeks: that she didn't need magic to be amazing, that he wished she could stay with him forever, that he was doing everything he could to keep both his girls safe, that he was so sorry for everything. But instead of pulling her into his arms and begging her to stay, he nods sharply once in agreement and watches her walk away.
"Promise me that you will look after them, Sev," Lily's voice is hushed, but stronger than Severus had ever heard it and much too urgent, in an attempt to keep attention off of them. They weren't supposed to be friends after all. This was a risk. But she had to be sure.
Severus's dark gaze flickers from her death grip on his hands to the fierce look in her eyes, concern contorting his every feature. "Why are you talking like this is the last time I'm going to see you? You're going to be fine. We're going to make sure you get through this, I'm going to make sure you get through this. You're going to see Harry and my future god child grow up to be incredible human beings. Maybe have a few more along the way. James is going to drive you crazy but you will love him more every day. And the two of us are going to open up our apothem together and make history. We are going to make it through this war, Lily."
"Please, Severus. I NEED you to promise me that you will take care of them both if anything happens to me. Promise me," she begs him.
"Always, Lily. Always," he promises her, gripping her hands tightly in his though his gaze never leaves hers.
