Disclaimer: The Avengers, its characters and The Marvel Cinematic Universe belong to Marvel Studios and The Walt Disney Company, among many others. I'm only a fan, writing this for love of this film franchise and personal pleasure.

A.N.: Set during A:IW, between the scenes at the compound and Wakanda. This does touch once more on Brutasha, but mostly as some closure I thought lacking in both IW and Endgame following their abrupt departure in AoU and reunion in IW aside from the "this is awkward" scene.


To Build a Home

17. Past Mistakes

Natasha could feel it in her bones, how this was going to be one of those days that would shatter the quiet and irrevocably change their lives. Not that there had been a lot of quiet as she'd been on the run going on covert, unsanctioned missions all over the world with Steve, Sam and Wanda ─ or the Secret Avengers, as Sam had liked to call them. But quiet or not, they had established some sort of routine for the past two years. Then suddenly Steve's burner phone was ringing and Bruce, of all people, had been on the other end, talking about how New York had been attacked, Tony was gone in a spaceship along a wizard with the Time Stone (whatever that was all about) and that Vision was in danger.

Luckily they'd managed to find the android and Wanda in time. Even if it were in the worst possible circumstances, she was glad to be back at the Avengers compound and that Bruce was back. She'd been so relieved at seeing him. For years she'd felt guilty that she'd caused him to go away. She already had to deal with all the guilt of breaking up their current team with the Sokovia Accords and their in-fighting in Germany. With him back Natasha thought they'd have a fighting chance against this Thanos. But then Bruce had said he was unable to turn into the Hulk and the guilt had come crashing through her once more, along with the awkwardness of the whole situation.

As Steve talked to T'Challa about going to Wakanda for help, the rest of them were gathering what they needed from the compound. As they trailed back to the Quinjet, Bruce pulled gently on her arm and asked her for a moment. She didn't want to do this right then (preferably never, actually), but she thought he was right and they needed to clear the air if they were going to be fighting side by side once more.

"Nat." Bruce started, grimacing a little as he stood before her. "I wanted to apologize…"

She raised a hand and interrupted him. "You don't need to." She did not need him to do this right now. She'd been prepared to give him an apology, not to hear one from him. Time had given her perspective and she realized how foolish she'd been by pushing a relationship on the two of them when they had needed to concentrate on more important matters back then. In the end they'd only hurt each other and the team had lost an important ally in their fights. She couldn't help but wonder if Bruce would have made a difference when they had been going through the Sokovia Accords. Maybe he would've been able to get through to Tony and Steve in a way that she hadn't and they wouldn't be in this mess right now, uncoordinated and with Tony missing in space.

"But I want to." He raised his eyebrows earnestly at her. "What I did wasn't… I didn't mean to leave just like that." He grimaced once more before he continued. "I know it's no excuse, but I was actually trapped inside the Hulk for two years until Thor found me on this planet, it was crazy! We're not even sure how I got there."

"That was all my fault." She interrupted him once more with a raised hand, shaking her head a little. "I was the one who turned on you to transform you into the Hulk. So I like I said, you don't need to apologize. I'm the one who owe you an apology for what I pulled in Sokovia." She finished with a rather dry smile pulling at the corners of her lips.

"Are you kidding me?" His eyebrows shot up once more in his forehead as he stared back at her, his voice pitched higher than normal. "The sky was falling down on us! You made the right call."

"You didn't want to get into that fight." Natasha insisted, shaking her head at him. "You wanted to leave and I couldn't do that."

"I get it. I do, Nat." Bruce said softly, trying hard to get her to understand that he honestly thought she'd done the right thing. "From what Thor told me, we managed to save a lot of people that day and even prevent an extinction level event. You did good." He smiled at her then sighed a little as he explained himself. "I was afraid of how the Other Guy would behave around civilians after what happened in South Africa, but you knew better. We're Avengers and we had a job to do and, as always, you pushed me to do it. So you don't need to apologize, either."

He gave her a smile and she returned him a small one. Now that they'd actually talked about it, Natasha felt glad. She cared for Bruce and it was good to hear he didn't fault her for her actions back in Sokovia. It was also nice to know he hadn't meant to leave her just like that. It had been one of those impossible situations and they'd done what they could. The past was in the past and it was time to move on and try to save their future.

"So…" Bruce said, the smile pulling at the corners of his mouth as he put his hands in his pockets and tilted his head a little. "You and Steve, huh?"

For a moment Natasha could only stare back at him. How had they gotten from apologizing for what they'd done to each other three years ago to this? "We're partners." She merely said (somewhat defensively, she'd admit), crossing her arms over her chest and one eyebrow flickering up at him.

He gave her a rueful smile in response to that, as if he wouldn't just accept that answer. "Rhodey told me what happened, how you two took on training the new team, then everything with the Accords, Barnes and the fight in Germany." He paused and kept looking at her, his voice going softer when he continued. "How you let him go and you've been on the run together for the past two years, still fighting the good fight."

"Yeah." Once more, that was all she said, giving him a tiny nod in confirmation.

"Nat." Bruce said, raising his eyebrows at her, something in his tone of voice reminiscent of when Clint was trying to tell her he thought she was being stupid without any actual words. "You two are good for each other. I always thought that."

"Are we seriously having this conversation?" She raised an eyebrow at him, as she could not believe Bruce was talking to her about Steve right now. "We're in the middle of a war." She added, lest he forget the seriousness of their situation.

"There's always gonna be a fight. We're Avengers." Bruce countered with an easy shrug, soft smile on his lips. "Like he told me years ago, you two also deserve a win."

"Let's just concentrate on winning this war and keeping everyone safe." She gave him a rueful smile then and resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him, as she gestured with her head for the two of them to go after the others and get onto the Quinjet.

As the team gathered everything they needed and boarded the jet, Steve confirmed T'Challa would assist them and they were soon headed for Wakanda. As she stood at the back of the jet checking on the equipment they had stored there, Natasha heard Steve approaching her.

"So." He said, leaning back against the wall as he looked at her, that seemingly perpetual concerned, gravely look in his blue eyes. "How are you doing?"

"Okay, all things considered." She said, bobbing her head a little from side to side. She knew he'd seen her talking to Bruce and that he was now checking on her. "We talked. He said he's sorry, I said I'm sorry." She gave him a shrug of the shoulders. "We're moving on."

Steve raised his eyebrows at her. "Forgive and forget?"

"I think that's the idea." She confirmed as she slowly nodded her head at him.

"I know it's not the best moment, but…" He trailed off for a moment, before he added with a casual shrug of his own. "You two could try again."

Once more, Natasha could only stare back at him. What was with these men, talking about relationships when they had bigger things like the fate of the universe in their hands? "Really not the best moment. Besides, I think that moment has long passed." She said, shaking her head a little.

"Hum." He murmured then raised both eyebrows at her once more. "Speaking of people suddenly coming back from the past, we're about to see Bucky again." He paused then added in a gentle tone, as if wanting to soften some blow. "He told me he remembers you, too, from your time in the Red Room."

"Oh God." This time, she did roll her eyes, before she muttered mostly to herself. "This just keeps getting better and better."

Suddenly and most unexpectedly Steve gave her a rather cheeky grin. "Want me to call in Murdock? We could host a Black Widow's past boyfriends meeting or something."

Natasha stared back at him, not only because it had been so long since she'd seen him smiling like that but for the actual words he'd said, as she'd never told him the details of her past relationship with Matt. "I'm gonna kill Clint." She breathed out in response after a moment.

"He's not the one who told me." He countered, a light chuckle in his voice.

She furrowed the space between her eyebrows at that. "Who, then?"

"Wanda." He said easily, one eyebrow flickering up.

"Wanda?" She exclaimed, her green eyes immediately tracking the younger woman, who was sitting by Vision on the other side of the jet. The redheaded Scarlet Witch looked up sharply at her, as if she'd heard her and smiled apologetically, like she knew what they were talking about.

"She accidentally read your mind back when we were dropping off Clint and Scott in New York after the Raft." Steve hastened to explain, raising his hands placatingly. "She felt very disturbed to be invading your privacy. I didn't tell you then, because she felt so bad about it."

Natasha narrowed her eyes at Wanda, then turned back to look up at Steve. "Well, if that's the case, then I guess I'll refrain from maiming her."

"Why didn't you want to tell us about Murdock?" Her asked her softly then, curiosity lilting his voice.

She couldn't help the grimace on her face as she avoided his eyes then. "My past isn't pretty, Steve. And Matt and I…" Natasha sighed deeply, wondering mentally the best way to summarize that relationship. "We were in a tangled mess during an assignment I had in San Francisco where I first met him and his vigilante alter-ego, Daredevil. He helped me with the case and I helped him fight a few bad guys in the area, but the personal aspects of the relationship got… complicated."

Natasha knew that was one hell of an oversimplification, but she really didn't want to get into the details of how she and Matt had gotten together. Even if SHIELD didn't force her to actually take targets to bed, like the KGB had done, old habits die hard and all of that, and she'd found it incredibly easy to weave herself (as Natalie Rushman) into the handsome law firm intern's life in order to gain access to the case he was working on and get the intel she'd needed. By the time she had actually started to care for him, he was onto who she really was and she'd also seen him in action as Daredevil, then there was that mess with his ex-girlfriend, who had been so jealous of her that she'd been attacked ─ another sour point about that whole thing, as the Black Widow did not like to remember the fact that she'd been compromised and caught by surprise to the point that she'd been stabbed in the back.

By the time her assignment was done and his internship was over, they'd decided to call it quits, almost as if what they'd lived had been one of those crazy summer romances ─ with a side of espionage, alter-egos and crime-fighting, of course. At least they'd managed to part on good terms, so much that Matt had been willing to help her with Clint and Scott's cases with the FBI.

"I didn't know you did personal." Steve said then in a non-committal tone.

"That's why I don't anymore." She raised an eyebrow back at him. "He and Bruce were enough to tell me I'm better off focusing on the job." She shook her head a little before continuing. "I don't know if I'd ever be able to put one person above the mission, and I'm not sure that's a good mindset to have in a relationship."

"Unless you find someone who thinks just like you." He said, giving her a small smile.

"Clint is about the closest I found so far." She replied, also with a hint of a smile on her lips.

And you, Natasha thought to herself, but she wasn't about to tell that to Steve. She wouldn't lie, she had thought about the two of them over the years, especially when they'd gone on the run together. It had created a closeness between them, something that had already started first when they had partnered up at SHIELD, then leading together the new Avengers team. They worked in synch and could read each other with such ease these days. She didn't have to think far to see why Bruce had thought they'd been together. But maybe the fact that there never happened anything between them was the reason they had managed to remain partners and work together for so long and she didn't want to risk that by getting romantically entangled with him now. All her previous experiences pointed to things never quite working out and she'd rather have him as her friend and partner than risk losing him somehow.

Steve raised a curious eyebrow at her. "You and Clint never…?"

"No, it was never like that with us." She gave him a smile then. Natasha knew he'd wondered about it back when they'd worked at SHIELD, had even commented on it when they'd been on the run from SHIELD-cum-HYDRA. Now that she had a stronger bond with Steve, she found herself opening up and talking more about her relationship with Clint. "When we met Laura was actually pregnant with Lila. He'd been sent to kill me and he could've just followed orders, shot an arrow at me from afar and be done with it. Instead, he took a huge risk getting close to me to give me a chance to defect. He could've died because he believed in me, even though he didn't know me." She explained, then shook her head a little as she thought back on those days. "You know, I never really understood what made him do that."

"C'mon, Nat. I read the files." Steve said, eyebrows raised pointedly at her. "He saw you had a good heart, how you were going out on your own to take down human trafficking rings. Even with everything the Red Room and the KGB did, you weren't what they made you to be."

"My body count would be a huge argument against that." Natasha commented in a dry and self-deprecating tone.

"You act like you're the only one who's killed people." He shook his head at her then. "I have. Would call me an assassin then?"

"No, but it's different." She replied readily, rolling her eyes a little at him. Only Steve would make such a simplification and equate their situations like that.

"It isn't. Each one of us here on this Quinjet," he said, gesturing with a hand at their friends scattered around the jet. "We all have killed people. It's the nasty part of war and what we have to do in order to protect the world from those set out to hurt innocent people."

"Yeah, but the majority of people I've killed wasn't for the greater good or during a war effort." She insisted, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back against the wall next to him. "They weren't just soldiers. There were men, women, children…" She shuddered at the last word, closing her eyes tightly for a moment before she looked back at him. "And it was actually carried out in the dark for the bad guys or for the highest bidder, without taking into account the morality of anything."

"You weren't free to do otherwise." He insisted back, shaking his head at her once more. "And when you did start to break from those shackles, you were setting out to do what you could to stop the injustice and correct the wrongs. Like those trust funds you set up."

"How do you know about that?" She asked in surprise, her green eyes widening a little. She'd taken most of the money she'd earned by working as a contractor on freelance jobs when she'd been with the KGB and set it aside for the families of her victims, one more effort to wipe the red off her ledger.

"Fury told me about them, back when I joined SHIELD and we started working together. Give yourself more credit, Nat." He reached out and placed a hand comfortingly on her arm. "No one sees you as a mere assassin but you. We all see you for who you truly are."

"Which is what?" She asked, her voice softer now. Natasha knew what he was getting at, but she asked the question because a part of her wouldn't really believe it until she heard the actual words; maybe not even then.

"A hero." Steve nodded at her, his blue eyes shining with warmth for her.