Author's Note: Hey everyone! Wow. I am AMAZED at how many reviews I received on the last chapter. That is just freaking unbelievable. Thank you so much. =] I really don't deserve you. Seriously. Especially because I haven't updated in what feels like a few millennia… I'm so sorry. I just found myself extremely uninspired for a while and on top of that busy with summer activities. Thank the Lord one night I was browsing around Youtube and happened to click on Coldplay's song Viva La Vida played backwards. It was so creepy and yet endearing that it brought me right back to Ronan and set the story rolling once again. If you are suffering writer's block, please go look it up. Now. I swear it is the cure to all writer's block.
Please please PLEASE review! They make my day and keep me going! =]
Love,
Mel =]
27. Shattered
Ronan Philip Dwyer Cullen
I'd never been in shock before. I thought I had, after seeing Des-
-Burning. The smell of burning limbs, so pungent, so repulsive, and I knew the second the scent hit my nostrils of who the burning body once belonged to...
I grimaced, but for once the memory that at one time brutally tortured me was easily shaken off by the abnormal numbing sensation that took over my body when Alice said, "I think she's dead."
I think she's dead.
As in my Ava. Little Avs-
-is different," I finished explaining to my family why I opened the classified closet in their house to her and sat with her at lunch.
Rosalie just shook her head and turned on her heel to the suitcase she frantically packed prior to my story. I was expecting for her not to understand, but when Emmett turned to follow her, I felt a pang in my chest.
"Emmett…" I tried to reason.
His eyes were sad, but as he began following Rosalie out the door, I knew his mind was set. "Look, little man, this is wrong. Alice's vision is… unreal, I know, but it's most likely going to come true. We need to abort the tragedy while we still can, for our sake and the town's."
I shook my head. "But she's not going to tell anyone!"
Rosalie gave me her know-it-all death stare, the one I constantly had to restrain myself from slapping right off her face. I gritted my teeth. "Look, Ronan. I know you think you're in love with her because of her memories and such, but the reality of it all? She's a rich little brat with nothing better to do than ruin us when she finds our stuff. Believe me. I was in her exact situation as a human. She's going to show off those pictures to the public and their going to be sold online as antiques, and we all know who's going to be the first one to find them…"
I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the image of the devil-spawn Gianna out of my mind, but she just continued grinning at me cunningly behind my eyelids.
I heaved a breath. "Don't go there, Rose."
They were out the door when I opened my eyes, and Rosalie held it open. "Whatever. I'm off to Denali. I'm not just going to sit here and wait for our deaths."
Emmett took one last sad look at us, and the distraught Esme spoke up. "Kids, please. Alice's visions aren't always relevant. What about our family?"
Alice rose then with Jasper's hand in hers. "This one is, Mom. It was too vivid to not be true. It's a warning, and I think Emmett's right. We need to do everything we can to stop this from happening."
Alice started for the door with Jasper then, and I put a hand through my hair in frustration. No one understood. Avs was independent. She didn't have a need to tell anyone. She had no close friends here, and hid nearly everything from her neglecting parents and snobby sisters.
Alice opened the door. She looked at us even more depressed than Emmett. "Don't think my leaving is because I don't care about our family. I love you all so much, and that's the reason why I beg of you to get as far away from here as possible. You should come with us to Denali. You know Tanya won't mind. She loves guests."
I was going to speak, but Edward interjected, "We're staying right here, Alice. I believe Ronan's right. Avs is a good person."
Bella's eyes widened. "Edward, I really think-"
"I said I'm staying, Bella," Edward remarked with a bit more authority in his voice.
Jacob nodded, securing his arm tighter around Ness who nodded as well. "And so are we."
I looked at my siblings that were willing to stay for my unconditional love for Ava. I almost smiled, but the glare from my half-sister didn't fail to ruin the moment.
Carlisle shook his head. "I can't transfer hospitals again. It would be the third time this year. I'm sure someone would be suspicious."
Alice nodded somberly. "I understand."
She walked out with Jasper and shut the door behind her, leaving the remainder of our family in pieces…
"RONAN!!!" Bella shook me by the shoulders, snapping me out of the vivid memory.
I looked up at her harebrained expression, trying to speak, to tell her that this was it, that I couldn't possibly live any longer without Ava's existence, but I couldn't make my mouth move.
I looked over at Alice who was still sobbing in Jasper's arms as he continued yelling at Carlisle, who looked more troubled than any of the other vampires surrounding me.
Rosalie had her head in her hand, a baffled expression on her face, and Emmett just stared into the forest, obviously just as surprised as the rest of us. Renesmee just sat next to Jacob, stroking his russet fur absently as she watched enraged Jasper give Carlisle a piece of his mind.
I wanted to interfere, to stop the madness and get back to my Ava, to make sure she was okay, but I couldn't make myself speak.
"ENOUGH!" Edward suddenly yelled at the top of his lungs, causing the entire forest, including the birds, to fall silent.
He glared at Carlisle, who looked as if he were about to start sobbing himself. I'd never seen our fearless leader look so scared, so vulnerable. "Carlisle, we need to go! You need to get back to Ava before it's too late!"
Carlisle snapped out of his funk, nodded and looked at the rest of us. "He's right," was all he said before dashing through the forest. Esme immediately followed, along with Bella, Edward, Ness and Jake.
I was left with the agitated Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice. Besides the sound of Alice's quieting sobbing, we were silent.
"Come on, Emmett," Rosalie huffed, exasperated after failing to reason the illogical situation out. Ava wasn't suicidal. We all knew this. So why did she try to out herself so suddenly?
I watched as Rosalie helped Emmett off the forest floor with her hand, and he caught my eye. "She's right, Ronan. There still might be a chance."
I looked over at her, trying to comprehend his words. I felt an uncomfortable pang in my chest behind the agonizing pain. I sucked in a much needed breath, letting the various scents of nature straighten my head. I nodded and stood up then, not wanting to waste another moment of sitting mindlessly in the forest. Ava was still alive. She couldn't be dead…
I stood slowly, my legs feeling numb and my head hollow. Life without Ava would be unbearable. Absolutely insufferable.
Rosalie helped Alice off the ground and she kept watching me apprehensively. Like I was about to snap as Bella did all those years before. What could she possibly expect? Ava wasn't suicidal. The entire situation made no sense what so ever.
I couldn't sit here in agonizing anticipation any longer. I took off through the forest in front of the rest of my family. My mind was foggy, nearly blank for the first time in years of any memories what so ever and suddenly I was frozen in the clearing, staring at the cottage.
The negative thoughts began circulating my mind immediately. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.
How could I save her if she was dead as Alice presumed? There was no hope. No hope.
And all over again, I was paralyzed.
"Ronan." I heard being called faintly behind me.
I was about to call back to the voice, but unfortunately I was able to pick up the dreaded words from the cottage. The horrendously dejected voice of Edward, "Carlisle, it's no use. She's gone."
I stopped breathing. My chest burned in agonizing pain yet again. My Ava was dead. She was my much needed miracle; the glimpse of hope that kept me sane. Because of her, I could live again and discontinue my miserable existence as a walking corpse. She was the light at the end of my never ending tunnel, but as of now, it was diminished. The once bright light turned into the black enraged haven I was accustomed to, but now terrified of returning to.
And with that sudden transition, the agonizing hurt of losing her began to slowly transform into torrid rage. The Volturi did this to us. They were responsible for another happy ending shattered. Another dream vanished.
Gianna's evil visage came into my mind again, as vivid as ever. Her malicious smile, her dark, conniving eyes. She laughed at me, the sound ripping through my thrashed soul like a thousand knives, and all compassion evaded me. Fervent hatred inhabited every corner of my indestructible body, and my mind was effortlessly set. I was going to kill Gianna.
I immediately ran for the BlackJak, rage mixed with bittersweet sorrow fueling my body, and began speeding down the road towards the Port Angeles airport. A world with out Ava meant a world without the devil-spawn Gianna. I knew I wasn't the most impressive tracker in the world, but with out a doubt her masochist state of mind would lead her to following me, to taunting me until I unexpectedly lunged for her throat.
I was about to turn onto the main road through the town when I heard a loud thud on the roof of my car.
"Dammit," I muttered, slamming on the breaks and peering out the windows to make sure no mortal witnessed this abnormality.
Rosalie was at my side at once. "Ronan, what are you doing?"
I continued to glare out the windshield. "I'm tracking down Gianna and killing that bitch." The darkly determined voice didn't even sound like mine.
Rosalie sighed. "Ronan, you're not killing Gianna."
The anger was about to blow my head off. I shouldn't have stopped for this distraction. I had a matter to take care of. "Consider her dead, Rose. She killed her. She killed my little Avs…"
I choked on the words, but rage kept fueling my body as my foot went straight through the floor of the car when I lunged for the gas.
"DAMMIT!" I cursed again, slamming my fist on the wheel and reaching for the door handle. Fine. I'll just run to the freaking airport then.
"Ronan." Her voice was firm as she violently grabbed my arm and forced me back into my seat. I glared at her balefully but she continued to hold onto my arm, a sad and concerned look playing her godly features. "What's done is done. We need to focus on stopping the Volturi now. We can still save her mother, her sisters. She cared so much for them; this is what she'd want you to do now."
My lip quivered. "She doesn't care. She killed herself, Rose. She killed herself! Because I left her, because of Gianna tracking us." The mention of her name just made me become more enraged and I punched the wheel again.
I began to shake again with sobs, but Rosalie forcefully grabbed my face, making me look into her sad eyes. She shut them and took a deep breath. "She didn't… kill herself," she tried to choke back sobs; "She tried to change herself."
I didn't comprehend. How do you change yourself? I looked into her latest memories…
I ran to the door at full force, swinging it open so hard it put another crack into the drywall where the door had already smashed through it. As soon as the cottage air rushed into my nostrils, it was almost unbearable. It was the first time I smelled exposed human blood besides Nessie's in such close quarters since her violent birth.
My eyes blazed the room until they landed on the mangled corpse and a fevered Carlisle, vigorously pounding at her chest. A pool of blood surrounded her head, and a trickle of blood oozed out of the side of her mouth. My throat burned, but I ignored it. All sounds and various distractions were diminished as I watched her much too peaceful face, completely awe struck. It was too good to be true. Alice was right. She was really dead.
My eyes continued to watch Ava until they caught the obscure item lying next to her flaccid hand. A syringe? What was she doing with a syringe? How would she use it to kill herself? What did it contain?
The questions stopped abruptly when my mind flashed back to Bella's emergency transformation. Edward kept the extra venom. I shuddered. She tried to change herself. But then I was confused all over again. How did she know about the supply of venom, and why was there such a large blow to her head? She was smart enough to know to inject it into her heart…
I continued to ponder this when the sounds rushed back into my ears as Emmett shook me out of my trance. He asked me a question, but I couldn't focus on him.
"COME ON, AVA! Don't give up on me, dammit! Breath!" Carlisle was absolutely losing it trying to resuscitate Ava. I'd never seen him so crazed, so out of whack. It was much too abnormal for a man who I'd never once seen lose it. I was almost scared for my life, for the universe. Was this the apocalypse?
Esme, who was remotely calm, came behind him and put her arms around his chest, pulling him away from the hopeless.
He shook his head. "No!" His voice cracked, and he fell back into his wife as he began to shake with sobs as well.
I couldn't believe it. She couldn't have died. The point of leaving her was to save her!
Edward looked at me and shook his head, realizing for the both of us that we had made a mistake. One, tragic mistake.
"Rose," Emmett tried to get my attention again, "Where's Ronan?"
I looked around me, disoriented by the shock and depression, and without a word I sprinted out the door for my poor younger brother…
I nodded, and Rosalie took my hand. It was all the closure I needed. She was really gone. I leaned into my sister as the depression engulfed what was left of my soul, and left me as mangled as before I met Ava. The world seemed to become a shade darker.
After what seemed like a lifetime, Rosalie spoke, "Ronan. We should get back. I know it's hard, but we need to figure out what our next actions are going to be."
I didn't answer. I didn't move. I needed to grieve longer. I needed the immense pain to subside before I could move again. I needed to figure out how I'd be able to live in a world without her. My Ava…
The door swung open then, and they were gone. I blinked, but I was alone. I expected something so traumatic like this to happen seemingly in slow motion, but they left me in a fraction of a second. My teeth chattered when the fear and dread set in.
The water behind the dam continued to charge through obstinately, flooding over all that was good and asphyxiating it mercilessly, replacing it with blinding rage. Suddenly, a blood-curdling scream pierced my throat and ricocheted off the walls, causing my ears to ring.
I screamed again, startling myself as the sudden adrenaline rush caused by the immense anger and fear made me spring off the ground and run to the kitchen. I threw the paper plates off the table with all my might, watching them slide across the floor. That wasn't enough. I needed things to shatter, just like my world. I opened the cupboard above the sink and began whipping the china across the room, hearing the porcelain collide with the wall then break into a million pieces before it hit the ground and splintered into more...
I shook my head, completely aghast. "What the hell!?" I exclaimed.
Rosalie turned me to face her. "What? What happened?"
I looked at Rosalie. It couldn't be… it just couldn't be. She was dead. "I just saw one of Ava's recent memories."
She shook her head. "You what?"
It wasn't possible for me to see people's memories once they died. Yes, I could remember the memories I'd seen from them, but I couldn't see any I hadn't seen before they died. But that was a memory of Ava's I'd never seen. Impossible.
"I've never seen it before. How can she be dead if I can see her memories?" I questioned not even her, but the universe. She was dead right in front of me in Rosalie's memories, and Carlisle couldn't restart her heart.
Rosalie was absolutely beside herself as she asked, "Are you sure it was her?"
I closed my eyes, concentrating on Ava's memories again.
I stared at the long tube of clear liquid; the needle on top of it. I carefully took the syringe into my hands, examining it skeptically. There was no label on it, but I had no doubt about what it was. The sobs began again, shaking my body. I would do it for love.
I gripped the syringe tight, swallowing my fear. I had to be brave. I had to use all the strength I'd accumulated from over the years; my father leaving, growing up with lies, the ache of false affection. Like Juliet, I had to fight against fate to be with my Romeo, and if that meant taking my own life, then so be it.
I lined the needle up perfectly with my heart, the heart that would beat no more…
Suddenly, I found myself leaving the confused and giddy Rosalie in the broken car and running into the forest toward the cottage at full speed. Ava was alive. Her memories were loud and clear; as they always have been for me. There was no possible way she was dead.
After dodging the trees, feeling Rosalie's curious presence behind me, I made it to the clearing and peered through the cottage window. There I saw Carlisle in Esme's arms staring gravely at Ava as Jasper put a blanket over her body.
I ran for the door and swung it open, hearing it crack against the wall. I swear it was going to crumble soon.
All somber eyes turned to me, and I pointed sharply at Jasper who dropped the blanket over Ava's face. "Stop. She's still alive."
Jacob's cold face turned confused and angry. "Ronan, what the hell are you talking about?"
And right on cue, a shrill scream pierced from under the blanket, piecing the shards of my shattered soul back together again.
