Chapter 7

Kate's Perspective. Next Morning, 0700 Hours.

My world is gloomy, blurred beyond recognition. My senses feel like they were blended into a thick pulp as I tried to perceive the environment around me. I began to awake from my drug-induced power nap, hearing a severely muffled voice in the background of my solitude.

My eyes felt like ice cubes, almost feeling like they were frozen in their sockets. My senses began to return to normal as I started to hear and see things properly.

I sighed before looking around at a dark room, slightly illuminated by an inconsistent glow. There was a cleanly carved wooden bowl in front of me, much like the bowls Savanna, -the pack healer-, used before; filled with water.

I slowly drank some of it, moisturizing my parched throat.

I could hear several voices in the main room, and finally being awake; I decided to investigate.

"Oh hey!" Savanna said, greeting me as I walked into the room. "How do you feel?" She asked, interrupting her previous conversation, with an unfamiliar wolf and Daniel, whom I met earlier.

"Actually, I feel much better. I'm still a little drowsy but otherwise I feel great." I said, placing a paw on my head. "Headache subsided. Thank you, by the way." I added.

Savanna smiled.

"That's good to hear! And yeah, the drowsiness will last for a few hours, so just take it easy for a little bit." She said. "Hungry?" She added, hinting toward more caribou next to the den entrance.

Just then, my stomach quietly growled.

"Actually.. Very." I replied dramatically, which made Daniel chuckle.

"We figured you would be, it's for you." He said, addressing the fresh meat.

"Thanks, guys. I really appreciate your hospitality." I said, before ripping a piece off to consume.

Daniel and Savanna shared a gaze, before he spoke again.

"When convenient, our pack leader, Sebastian, would like to speak with you." He paused. "Whenever you're ready, I'll be your escort." He added, lying down, crossing his paws.

Daniel was a very hierarchy-like Alpha; in that he takes his role seriously, but not too seriously. He has a sharp, strong posture that throws you off. He doesn't look extremely built, but he definitely works out. His voice has a deep, clean sound to it. It's very.. vocabularic. He clearly has a lot of book smarts.

After my meal, Daniel and I left the healer den and made our way through the pack to presumably the leaders' den. The pathway was an upward slope, much like my parents' den. It made me nervous, and I started to feel a hint of anxiety. Doesn't matter, I won't be here long.

We rounded the corner, and inside were two wolves, clearly mates, lying down talking. I stopped at the entrance, awaiting their approval to enter.

The male saw me and his ears perked.

"Ah, you must be Kate!" He said, standing to greet me, as did his mate. "My name is Sebastian. Leader of the Northern Pack." He added with a smile, extending his paw.

I accepted and returned the gesture, maintaining respect for his status. Sebastian had a white coat with a rugged grey tone mixed throughout. His paws, however, were jet black, though his pads were a bright white. It was definitely unique.

"Good to meet you, sir." I replied with a smile.

His mate approached me next, proceeding to introduce herself as well.

"Hi, Kate. I'm Scarlett, Sebastian's mate." She said genuinely. She had a peaceful vibe, one similar to how Humphrey had. "What brings you to the North?" She added with curiosity.

Even though I knew they would ask me that, I didn't know how to answer it. I mean, I know why I'm here but.. I don't at the same time.

"Well.." I started, searching for the right words. "I'm here because I needed help. I uh.. I ran from home after something happened, and while I roamed, your search party found me and brought me back." I explained. "I had sustained a minor injury and just needed a helping hand, which I'm very thankful for." I added sincerely.

"I see." Scarlett said, though seeming unsatisfied.

"What made you leave?" Sebastian asked genuinely. Not pryfully; more so curiously.

I looked at the dirt between us before replying.

"My parents have used me my whole life, and.. There was someone in my life that I.. I loved and.. My parents were going to make me marry someone to prevent a war. I didn't tell him about it, afraid to hurt him; I should have." I started, beginning to feel a hole burning through my chest. "When he found out, he thought I did it on purpose and left before I had a chance to explain." I continued, starting to well up. "And even after.." I tried to continue, before choking up and losing my words.

"It's okay, Kate. Take your time." Sebastian said softly; thoughtfully.

I nodded, trying my best to console myself. I was in the beginnings of hating myself. I had so many chances to tell him things. How I felt, how he looked nice, how he made my day better, how he.. how he made me feel better about myself. How he completed me.

"Even after this all happened, my parents were still trying to force me to go through with it; throw my life away over a stupid agreement between my stubborn father and a selfish man." I finished, slamming my paw into the ground. Stupidly, it was the same arm that I had hurt before, but I made no indication of pain; not that I really cared.

I closed my eyes, letting a single tear race down my face in silence.

Scarlett and Sebastian shared a worrisome glance.

Scarlett then brought me into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Kate. That sounds horrible." She said softly, comforting me. "We were told that you may not stay, which we completely understand; but if you ever need someplace to stay, you are always welcome here in the North." She added with a motherly tone.

I sniffled, wiping my tears away; nodding.

"Thank you." I replied.

Scarlett smiled.

"You're welcome, Kate." She said.

After sharing that, I finally felt like I heard it for the first time, almost like it unlocked my true feelings that were locked away. I felt only despair; desolation. I'm surrounded by wolves yet I feel so alone; so mistreated. Misunderstood.

I had a few short conversations with the other wolves I've come to know along the way, but eventually said my goodbyes to everyone.

It's now roughly midday, and I decided to travel along the train tracks to the northeast. Perhaps I might find clues that could lead me to Humphrey, but I'm not getting my hopes up. I'm just so emotionally exhausted.

I've now been walking for the last hour or so; nothing has changed, except for my mental state. Since I explained my situation to Sebastian and Scarlett, I've only begun to feel worse about myself. My eyes are blood-red from my silent mourn, and all I keep leading my thoughts to are.. Horrible things. Suicidal thoughts dance around my mind like a party. They won't stop, and at this point; my heart aches with every beat.

I've lost my will to see the big picture. Humphrey held me together; truly. I now understand and honestly feel how much he did for me. I love him, I realize now that I always have. He was just always there; I took advantage of that. I never imagined a world without him.

God, even when I was just a pup, I was drawn to him. He had an aura that made me happier. He truly is the one I need in my life, I just don't know why I couldn't see that.

Whenever I'd find him interacting with pups, they were always ecstatic; so filled with joy. It would always ignite a flame in my soul that warmed my entire perspective of life.

All the while as I thought about these things, I didn't realize where I'd gone. I had split from the train tracks, working my way through a thick brush where a clearing resided on the opposite.

I pushed my way through the bushes and dangling branches to reveal a small lake, surrounded by grassy plains, fenced by the tall trees of the forest. It was beautiful. Reminiscent of the adventure I shared with him.

There was a small hill with a flat face on one side, with a few relatively large trees around it. I thought to myself.

"That doesn't look like a bad place to dig out a den."

Maybe that's what I'll do, but right now I don't even know if.. I want to do this. 'This' meaning.. living this life. I glanced over at the lake, and had a horrible, horrible thought.

The image of me residing at the bottom of the lake was a very intrusive thought. It made my heart turn to stone, and my breath shook.

Could I even do that? I couldn't stop thinking about it. The idea forcing Its way into my head soon turned to a plan. I involuntarily began stepping toward the lake, one paw at a time.

The concept felt obtainable. The burning in my chest kept me from turning back.

I only stared; blinking not even once.

My paws made contact with the water, though I didn't even know it. My sense of reality faded from my perception. Soon the water rose to my belly, then to my chest, then to my neck.

I kept walking farther and farther into the water as my tears streamed down my face; silent.

The events of my life replaying through my mind like a nostalgic movie. My childhood, shown through my best moments. Alpha school, portrayed through the lessons I was taught. Then…

Humphrey.

As soon as his name flew through my mind, I could hear his laugh. I could hear his calming voice soothing me to sleep. I could hear his jokes and his nervous chuckle, all as if they were real.

I did this to him, it was me that caused him to leave. I don't deserve him.

I heard him speak to me, as if he were here next to me.

"Kate.."

My reality came back to me, as I became aware that I was floating near the bottom of the lake, drowning.

I panicked, immediately trying to swim to the surface. In my panic, I inhaled water into my empty lungs, feeling as though they were tearing apart inside me. I approached the surface, seeing colors and white lights flash in my vision. I blew through the surface of the water, unable to breathe.

I coughed and hacked, desperately trying to disperse the water from my lungs. I finally had the chance to breathe, but it felt like a million bees stinging inside my body.

I swam to the shore, finally resting my body. I took quick, shallow breaths. Anything more than that made me feel like there was a hot dagger in my lungs, paired with the other dagger stabbing my heart.

My ears laid back; my fur hugged my body. I coughed harshly as I expelled more water.

For a few moments, I just laid there.

I just.. tried to kill myself.

Never before in my life have I felt or experienced anything like what I just went through; as if my reality was clouded by my emotions.

Everything that has happened, I can't help but blame myself.

This is all my fault.