Author's Notes: Oh hello everyone! Here's chapter 21! :3
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to all my reviewers. You guys are the sole reason I keep coming back, even a year later. Thank you so much, you have no idea how much your views and opinions on my stories and writing means to me. I love each and every one of you.
This chapter was written to Saeglopur by Sigur Ros
Disclaimer: I wrote my first Inuyasha fanfiction thirteen years ago. And still, I own none of the Inuyasha series or its characters. So sad.
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Chapter 21: Guilt
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Kagome
Guilt washed over Kagome. It consumed her. So much so that it almost washed away the anger she felt over Hojou's secret.
...Almost.
She stood on the sidelines, watching. Helpless as Hojou and Inuyasha fought. They moved so fast. Too fast. Fast enough that it was hard to keep track of who punched and who blocked. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, pumping the adrenaline through her. She felt sick to her stomach, worried for them both.
And so damn angry at them, too. Men were animals.
What was so wrong with just talking stuff out?
Kagome frowned as something golden and shiny caught her eye, drawing her attention away from the two fighting men - no, boys - the two immature, reckless boys for an instant. It was the corner of the white, glossy stove, sparkling in the stray beam of sunlight that peeked through the kitchen window curtains.
Kagome widened her eyes and turned, opening her mouth to warn him. Inuyasha pressed Hojou back, back, back, relentless with his attacks until he stepped into the sunlight.
And promptly disappeared.
Her warning shout quickly turned to a cry of alarm as Hojou, mid-attack, fell to the kitchen floor with a grunt and a loud crack, his skull bouncing off the tile.
"Hojou!" Kagome cried, dropping quickly to his side. He moaned as she probed his skull with her fingers, searching for split skin or oozing blood, and hissed when her fingers brushed over the growing lump at a spot right above his left ear. "That's a huge bump." She said, stating the obvious. There was a high probability of a concussion.
Hearing movement behind her, Kagome turned to see Sango lean against the kitchen counter, Inuyasha's spelled mirror propped up by her hands. "Someone left their magic mirror in my bedroom." She said, unamused.
Inuyasha growled from within his cell, and Kagome snapped her eyes over to glare at him. This was all his fault. It wasn't until he came along that her world had started to come undone at the seams. She wanted to go back to the time when all she had to worry about was standing up to Hiromi and her gang. At this point she felt being tied up in a utility closet was hardly something to get upset over.
"Oi. Get the hell away from him." Inuyasha demanded, ripping her back to the present. His palms pressed against the glass, his fangs bared, still in fight mode.
Kagome was tired of being ordered around. And she was tired of everything in her life falling apart bit-by-bit. So what if Hojou's kisses had somehow turned dull and uninteresting? At least he had been one thing in her life that had stayed normal. And now, on top of magic mirrors and slayer best friends and evil priestesses out to kill her family and sexy youkai that kept giving her bedroom eyes, Hojou's secret identity was the rotten cherry atop the melting ice-cream that had become her life.
So she did not, this time, take kindly to Inuyasha making demands. "Shut up or I'll smash the mirror with you inside." She threatened. "Hojou wouldn't harm a fly."
"He just tried to kill me!" Inuyasha shouted.
"You attacked him first!" Kagome shouted back, eyebrows squished together in anger. She could feel the tiny pricks of tears gathering in her eyes, and quickly wiped them away. Now wasn't the time.
"Want me to put him in the closet?" Sango asked, sounding too smug for Kagome's liking. She opened her mouth to tell Sango to stay out of it when Hojou moaned again and rolled over, his hand coming up to touch his head.
Quickly, Kagome's attention was back on him, the guilt swallowing her up all over again. "Hojou, are you okay? Where does it hurt?" She asked, helping him into a sitting position. "Don't move too quickly, you might have a concussion."
His eyes blinked open and gazed down at her, and he wrapped her hands inside his own, a slow smile spreading across his handsome face. "I'll be okay, I heal fast. I have a thick skull."
Kagome shook her head, wondering if joking was a side effect of a concussion or not. "You hit your head pretty hard, I-"
"Don't worry about it, I'm fine. How about you?"
She stuck her bottom lip out at his stubbornness. "I'm not the one who cracked my head on the floor."
"I'm okay, I promise. The swelling will go down after a while, I'm used to bumps and scratches. I've had worse." He moved his hand, wrapping it around the back of her neck, forcing her eyes to lock onto his. "I was worried when Sango called. I rushed right over, I was afraid you were already dead."
She knew he was going to kiss her before he leaned down and pressed his lips to her own. His kiss was deep and passionate, and she felt the same big, fat nothing that she had the last time he'd kissed her. Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
She didn't even bother to fight it this time, didn't bother to try and feel any sort of passion that she had when he first kissed her. It hadn't been that long ago, but everything had changed. She had changed. And now Hojou had changed too.
….But Hojou hadn't changed. Not really. Not naturally, the way people do over time. His change had been sudden, night and day. He'd hidden who he really was. That was troubling.
He deepened the kiss, pulling her in tighter. But now Kagome was pissed. Hojou had been lying to her this whole time. When had he found out he was a slayer? Not as recent as Sango had, that was for sure. So how long had he been lying to her? When they started dating? Before that? Was it possible that he had known that first day of Freshman year when he helped her pick up her books from the floor?
A low growl registered somewhere in the back of her mind, and it broke her passive demeanor. She pushed against Hojou, trying to break free of his kiss, her anger consuming her guilt. How dare he keep something like this from her? How dare he hide who he really was?
Breaking free, she gasped, more from outrage than from lack of air, and opened her mouth to tell Hojou where he could shove it for lying to her.
But then, through the mirror, her eyes caught golden. They seethed with anger, that gold. They held her in place. Frozen. She knew Inuyasha felt betrayed, just like she felt betrayed. His gaze made her stomach drop, made her breath hitch, made her want to scream.
"I'm so glad you're okay." Hojou was saying over the sound of rushing water in her ears. "I'm glad I made it in time."
She couldn't bring herself to speak at the moment. Her body felt limp, her mind numb. She let Hojou pull her in for a hug. Her cheek against his chest, his arms wrapped around her, Kagome blocked out Sango's jab about getting a room and gazed into the mirror.
Inuyasha withdrew back into his prison.
Kagome felt sick to her stomach. She pushed away from Hojou and stood up, folding her arms over her chest as if it would protect her from his words. "Hojou, how long have you been a slayer?"
He tilted his head to the side and gazed up at her. "Why?"
"Did you just find out recently? Like Sango?"
He frowned. "A bit longer than that."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
He sighed, brushed invisible dirt off his pants and got off the floor, wincing and rolling his arm over a few times. "It's not like you would have believed me. I didn't want you to think I was crazy. I wanted you to like me."
Kagome blushed. Oh god. He was so sweet. "I did… I mean, I do like you."
He smiled. "Well, that' good. But there's another reason I didn't want you to find out." His smile became sheepish. "I didn't want you to be scared of what I am."
"I'm not scared," Kagome said without hesitation.
"No, you're not. But you've also been held hostage by a youkai. What I am must be tame for you at this point."
Kagome shot a heated gaze towards Sango, who put her hands up in the air in defense. "I only told him the truth, Kagome."
"I was never held hostage."
"He didn't stalk you girls? He didn't hunt you down and break into Sango's house and attack Kohaku?"
She opened her mouth to argue, then quickly snapped it shut. Inuyasha had done those things. In fact, she felt like she'd been running around in a panic since she had been locked inside that damn museum that first night. "You… you don't understand," she mumbled, trying to make sense of how she felt. Trying to explain that yes, he had done those things, but in a way… in a way, it wasn't as bad as all that.
She felt like a petulant child, being scolded by mommy and daddy. Her cheeks warmed.
For a moment, no one spoke. Kagome wished desperately for a hole to open up in the ground and to swallow her up. Anything to get away from Hojou and Sango's judgmental gaze. She tried hard not to curl into a ball on the kitchen floor and squeeze her eyes shut in embarrassment.
A warm hand pressed against her shoulder, and she looked into Hojou's kind eyes. He smiled. "Kagome, let's sit and talk about this for a few minutes. You need to eat something. Can we take this conversation into the family room?"
She nodded.
"Sango, can you take the mirror back upstairs?" Hojou asked.
Kagome turned to Sango. "No, Inuyasha should be here. He's involved in this too."
"Kagome, I think talking without the youkai is the best thing to do. You've been going through a lot recently. Let's sit down and talk about everything that's happened so far - just you, me and Sango. Then we can decide what to do next."
Kagome frowned, her eyes locking onto the mirror. She thought Inuyasha would have shown himself and argued his case - he was an in-charge kind of guy. But he was silent in his cage. She glanced up to Hojou and nodded, and with her consent, he gently guided Kagome out of the kitchen.
They sat on the sofa, she and Hojou, and he gently prodded the story out of her. Everything that happened, the fight with Hiromi and her friends, being locked in the closet and then escaping only to discover the actual existence of Inuyasha, her memory loss and rediscovery of Inuyasha. At some point, Sango joined them with a tray of steaming homemade ramen and filled in the blanks while Kagome ate.
She felt comfortable for the first time in a long while, surrounded by friends.
The morning had risen, only a few hours until noon. All three sat in silence, the whole story now out in the open, save for the one thing Kagome couldn't bring herself to admit.
The urges she had when she was around Inuyasha.
She was such a terrible person, but she just couldn't tell Hojou. Not yet.
The shame ate at her.
Sango, as any best friend would, kept her mouth shut about it too, but Kagome didn't miss the pointed, judging looks she threw her way.
"I'm… I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it sooner," Kagome apologized to Hojou, "but after I went back to the museum and my memory returned, it's been one big mess, and I didn't think you'd believe me."
"I understand." He said. He reached out and gave her hand a comforting squeeze. She must have made a face because he laughed. "No, really. I've been hunting Youkai for a long time now, I know what they're capable of. You're the victim here."
Sango nodded eagerly behind him. "And your family, Kagome… Where are they?"
The reminder was enough for her eyes to well up again. She blinked back her tears. "Kikyou has them." She admitted.
"Kikyou? The priestess?" Hojou asked.
"Yeah. Hold on a sec." Kagome stood and collected the note from the hallway, bringing it back to show the others. "She left a message for me. She said she's holding them hostage, that I have to bring Inuyasha to her or she's going to kill them."
"Oh, Kagome." Sango half-whispered, and reached out for her friend. Kagome let Sango take her up in her arms. "We'll help you get them back. We will." She assured.
Hojou's lips pressed together in a thin line, his eyes calculating. "It's not something we can ignore, Kagome. From what you've told me, this Kikyou woman isn't someone to mess with. I believe she'll kill your family if you don't bring Inuyasha to her."
Kagome nodded.
"So the choice is easy then," Hojou said, standing from the couch. He started to pace. "The youkai will be easy enough to transfer, he's wrapped up tight in that mirror by the spell. Kagome, you said you're the only one who can pull him out, correct?"
"Whoa, wait a second," Kagome said, pushing away from Sango's embrace and straightening up. She caught Hojou's eyes. "We haven't chosen anything. I haven't said I was going to turn him in."
"Kagome, why?" Came Sango's incredulous reply.
"Because it's not so black and white. It's not just my family that's in danger, Inuyasha is too."
"Kagome, he's a youkai, not a-"
"No, listen to me," she demanded, standing from her seat to get on even ground. "She makes him do things. Horrible things. Things you and I can't even imagine. I know that my family is in danger and I… I know that they would be safe if I turned Inuyasha in, but I…" She fought back the angry tears that threatened to overflow. "I'm no worse than Kikyou if I condemn Inuyasha to that fate. I will not be the one to murder him."
Hojou's face had turned to stone, and for a moment, Kagome swore he would fight her decision. But he surprised her. The corners of his mouth turned up. He laughed. "You know," he said, "I think I would be disappointed if you didn't feel that way about the situation," he admitted.
"Uh, really?"
"Yes. Your compassion is a big part of the reason I fell for you in the first place." He sighed and motioned for her to sit back down. "I don't personally think that Inuyasha is good, but you are good, and I will not force you to do something you strongly stand against."
Sango flopped back against the couch in a huff, arms folded across her chest. "What do we do then? It's either Inuyasha or Kagome's family, and from where I'm sitting, Kagome's family is who we should be focusing on here."
"Sango-"
"Kagome, no offense, but your family has never tried to kill me. I don't understand why you're protecting Inuyasha. He hasn't done anything but bring you pain. You have a witch after you now, and she's going to kill your family."
"You don't think I know that? You think I'm not sick with worry? I'm terrified that I'm already too late and they're-"
"Ladies!" Hojou interrupted, placing himself physically between the two. "There's an easy way to solve this. Kagome, you've faced this Kikyou before, but you haven't faced her with Sango and me by your side. I think that instead of tricking her, our goal should be to take her out."
Kagome's eyes widened at the revelation. "Do you really think that the three of us can take her on?"
"I think so. I've been fighting for a long time Kagome, and Sango is well trained. I think with our help we can win."
"And Inuyasha?" Sango asked. Kagome had to bite her tongue. It's not Sango's fault she hates him. I'd hate him too if he attacked me like that. She reminded herself.
"We'll take Inuyasha in, fake that we want to make the trade and attack."
"She might be expecting something like that."
Hojou shook his head. "I don't think so, Sango. She doesn't know we're hunters. I think it's our best chance." He glanced towards Kagome. "Agreed?"
Kagome gnawed on her lower lip. It was dangerous. A million different things could go wrong. But Hojou was right, and she knew it. It was the only chance they had where Kagome didn't feel like she was sending someone to their death. She had faced Kikyou once before and fought her off. And Hojou and Sango were much stronger than she was. The plan might work.
"Agreed." She said.
"Kagome, if this is going to work, we're going to have to make Inuyasha believe that we're actually trading him in. You need to know that before you fully agree."
She felt her face pale at Hojou's words. "Why? We should let him know what we're doing, he can help."
"I know you trust him, but Sango and I don't. And if Kikyou has known him for as long as you claim she has, he might unintentionally give us away. We need her to absolutely believe we're going in for the trade."
Her stomach rolled. He made sense. He kept making so much damn sense. She knew he was right and she hated him for it.
"Fine," she said, a bite to her voice.
"Kagome, you're making the right decision here," Sango assured her, a sad smile playing on the corner of her lips. " You know that Hojou cares about you, right? You know that I love you?"
She nodded and leaned over to give her best friend a hug. "I love you too, Sango."
Kagome would stick by her decision, because of her family, because of her friends, and because she yearned desperately for the life of normalcy that she once had. And it made the most sense. Attacking Kikyou was the only way to truly set her family free. It would keep them all safe from whatever sick game the priestess and youkai were pitting against each other.
And after Kikyou was defeated and Inuyasha was set free, she could go back to attending school and doing her homework and hanging out on the weekends.
She could forget about youkai and magic and hanyou.
And Inuyasha? A deep, aching part of her asked. Will you forget him too?
She had to.
She had to.
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Sorry for the crazy long wait everybody. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I've started chapter 22 and have some amazing, killer ideas so I hope you stick around for it. As always, comments and critiques are welcome, let me know what you thought!
See you next Friday.
~SugarRos
