Author's Note: Well, after over 80,000 words and 340 reviews, YITM has officially passed my most popular fanfiction to date! Thank you so much to everyone that has contributed in keeping me inspired, and special thanks to my beta, Penthesileia, who has been putting up with my shit for a few years now.
Oh, and Merry Christmas everybody! Chapter 25 on the 25th of December… I like it.
Disclaimer: I wrote my first Inuyasha fanfiction fourteen years ago. And still, I own none of the Inuyasha series or its characters. So sad.
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Chapter 25: Reluctance
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Inuyasha
She looked far older since Inuyasha had last seen her. Her eye, the one not covered with a patch, was still black and sharp and surrounded by deep crow's feet, spreading outward across her face. Deep gray hair sprouted from her thinning scalp. She'd gained weight in her old age and her back had succumbed partially to gravity.
Kaede hadn't changed otherwise.
He hadn't really dealt with her much after he was trapped in the mirror. For a while when Kikyou had first reappeared, she had followed her big sister around, trying desperately to take Kikyou back to her grave where she belonged. The last time Inuyasha had seen her, the two sisters had gotten into a fight, right here in this very spot, screaming bloody murder at each other. That was when Kikyou had done the unthinkable to Kaede. That's when she cursed her with an unbelievably long life, without the benefits of never-ending youth.
Unless she killed herself, Kaede wouldn't die before Kikyou re-passed on to the other side. And who knew how long that could take? Kikyou could be wandering the earth forever. And thus Kaede was doomed to the same fate; growing old while her sister stayed forever young.
"What brings you here?" Kaede asked, ancient voice cracked and dry. "And with…" she paused, taking Kagome in, weighing her. He knew what she was thinking. The similarities were uncanny, especially at first glance. "Who have you brought to see me?"
Inuyasha was still pissed the fuck off. His youkai had been screaming at him to both take Kagome - to make her his in the worst way possible - and to kill her. It was a war raging on inside him, and hell if he could tell which side was winning. He barely had the presence of mind to get the fuck away from her and destroy his surroundings instead of giving in and destroying her.
But even after he'd finally managed to get back to himself, the internal pain was still tight in his insides. It was just as intense as it felt when Kagome had first told him of her stupid plan. The plan that she'd actually fallen through with, the bitch.
He glanced at her, his eyes working far better than hers in the darkness. He could see she was struggling to get a good look at Kaede, mouth still gaped open like an idiot. The anger burned at his insides. He didn't think he'd be able to control himself if he didn't fucking need her for his own survival outside of the mirror. But he did. She was the only person other than Kikyou able to pull him free from the mirror, the only one who could lead him to the jewel shards. He needed her alive.
"Well?" Kaede asked.
"Looks familiar, doesn't she?" He said. He could hear the bitterness in his own voice.
"Aye, she does. For a moment I thought I'd gone back in time. For a moment I thought..." She trailed off.
"She's a doppelganger. A reincarnation."
"My name," Kagome hissed at him, "is Kagome. I'm not a doppelganger. I'm just myself." She folded her arms. "And who are you? What are you doing this far out here? Where are we?"
That last bit was directed at him, he could tell. His ears involuntarily twitched towards her. But fuck if he was going to give her the satisfaction.
"I am Kaede, and you are in my backyard. I don't doubt that you are in trouble. I can think of no other reason for Inuyasha to be free of the mirror and without Kikyou." She paused. Shook her head. "You look just like her. I had no idea she was reincarnating. Alas, I guess it makes sense."
"I don't want to offend you, but please stop comparing me to Kikyou. I am not a doppelganger, I'm not a reincarnation, I'm just myself. I just… I just want-"
"Your friends," Kaede finished, "I heard. Both of you were screaming so loud I doubt a single creature in these woods were spared. Fear not, child, you are safe here. I can promise you that." She gave what Inuyasha guessed passed off as a smile.
"If you heard us, then you know what he's done." She pointed an accusatory finger in Inuyasha's direction. "He needs to go back for them or they will die."
"Keh, probably already dead," Inuyasha said, intending his words to hurt.
"You selfish jerk, you shut your mouth. Don't you dare say such a thing."
"I'm not going back for your shitty friends, Kagome. Deal with it."
"I hate you!" She seethed.
"Good, the feeling's fucking mutual." He spat back. "We're resting here tonight-"
"Oh-ho, are you now?" Kaede interjected.
"-because it's the only place we can go without that stupid monk finding us," he directed towards Kaede, "and tomorrow we're going after the shards."
"I will not!"
"You will."
"If you think for even one second that I-" Kagome paused, eyes widening. "I…," she said.
He folded his arms, waiting begrudgingly for her to finish her thought.
"The shards…" She continued, then stepped closer to him, peering up through the darkness. He watched her eyes shift uncertainly, which meant she could barely make him out with her weak, human sight. "I will come with you to collect the shards."
He tried to conceal the surprise in his voice. "K-keh. Of course you will."
"But you have to go back and get my friends first. If you bring them here, I will go with you."
"Fuck no."
"Inuyasha-"
"It's not happening." He said. "You think I can't drag your ass around the woods and make you search for shards? Because I can. I have no problem doing it by force."
"You can try," she said, raising her hands. For a moment he thought she was grabbing for his ears, but she stopped halfway up, fingers outstretched. A grin spread across her face. "But I won't make it easy for you."
He felt the familiar crackle of purification energy from her fingertips. Inuyasha widened his eyes. She was struggling, he could see the perspiration spring up along her hairline, but the fact that she was even beginning to control her out-of-control priestess powers was impressive.
Fuck. That would be a problem. He could still do it… Take her by force to find the jewel shards. But he'd be lying if he said her purification energy wouldn't make the trip a million times more miserable for him. And if he'd come to learn anything about Kagome over the short span of time that he'd known her, it was that she was stubborn. Annoyingly stubborn.
Fuck. He frowned, contemplating the pros and cons of accepting her demands. Her promise was tempting, but he hesitated. It wasn't just that the bastards deserved to bleed out and die in that house. That wasn't the only reason he was weary to go back for them.
If they're dead, and I bring them back… What will it do to her?
He knew the answer. It would destroy her. Yeah, he could bring her along with him then. She wouldn't put up a fight. But that was the problem. He wasn't sure she would be capable of anything after that.
Not that he should care about that. No, he shouldn't care about the bitch at all.
"Inuyasha…" old Kaede crooned, "if the girl's companions are alive, even just a little bit…."
He stiffened. "Shut up." He snapped. "They're not alive, there's no point in bringing them back. It's just dead weight." He tried not to react to Kagome's flinch.
"You know we can save them if they've even got the smallest bit of breath inside them, hanyou." She scolded. "If you bring them to me, I can help you heal them. You know I can."
Kagome perked up. "Heal them? What are you talking about? Inuyasha, what is she talking about?"
"It's no use, wench. They're dead."
"Inuyasha!"
He could smell the salt in her tears, saw them rolling fresh down her cheeks, even in the dark. She reached out to him, gripped her fingers into his shirt.
"Please." She said. "I will go with you, I promise. I promise. Even if they're dead… Even if… Just… Not there. Don't leave them in that house."
Shit. Shit, shit, shit.
Just knock her out and keep her tied up, his youkai urged.
But he couldn't. She'd won. Goddammit.
He reached out and gripped onto her wrist, prying her fingers off of him. "Fine," he said, "but you'd better hold up your end of the deal. Kaede, take her inside, I'll be back in a few hours."
"Aye. Careful, Inuyasha. My sister may have laid a trap."
He scoffed. "Nah. This one here practically roasted her face off. She'll be hiding like a coward while she heals."
He watched Kaede's shocked expression with slight satisfaction.
"Really…" She said, interested.
"Just keep her inside. Don't let her wander off and ruin anything else." That'd just be his luck, losing her before freeing himself completely from Kikyou and her stupid mirror. It wasn't her actual being he was worried about. Nope.
Nope.
With that, he turned and jumped into the air. Wind rushed by his face. The earth grew smaller beneath him, and with it, the two women. Everything inside Inuyasha screamed that he was making a mistake. It was humiliating, going in to save the very humans that looked down on him like he were a caged animal. It was one thing keeping Kagome alive. Even though she'd betrayed him, even though she could no longer be trusted, she still…. Well, she was useful to him, that was all. The others were not. The others were just…. dead.
That's not all. His youkai chuckled. Don't lie to yourself.
No. That was all.
Just take the woman and be done with it. Get it out of your system. Make her yours. Dominate her. She will no longer go against your wishes.
Shut up.
The sooner he got to Kagome's friends and brought them back, the sooner he could get started on getting the shards and acquiring his freedom, and the sooner he could rid himself of her. He had no time to be thinking of anything else. Nothing else mattered.
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He landed on the roof, as softly as possible. Dark had completely settled in. The house was silent. Slowly he eased himself off the side and peered through what used to be a window. Now it was a big, gaping hole with shards of glass protruding out sharply at all angles, thanks to the mixture Kagome's purification blasts and Miroku's wind tunnel.
His eyes scanned the torn room and fell on two figures, still lying where they had left them. Kikyou and Miroku were long gone. He brought his leg up to kick at the glass, and it tinkered lightly against the wooden floor. He swung himself inside; landed gently.
They weren't moving. He couldn't even see the small expansion and compression of their chest that would signify breathing. The air smelled thick and metallic, their blood had long since seeped permanently into the wood. He moved closer, reached out, touched Sango's neck.
Shit, he thought. He didn't know what he'd been hoping for, that he'd find them alive or find them dead. His top choice would have been to leave them and forget about them. He dropped an ear to her chest, straining to hear a sign that there was still something inside her that hadn't been extinguished yet.
He moved towards Hojou and went through the same motions. Finally, a heavy sigh escaping his lips, he stood and collected both of them in his arms. They were gross. Sticky and dirty. Faces ashen and lips tinged blue. He wrinkled his nose against the smell. The stench of all that blood made his stomach churn.
Kagome was not going to like what she saw.
They wouldn't fit out the window, and shifting was out of the question as Miroku was too damn good at detecting and tracing the faint bit of magic it left behind, so Inuyasha carried them the long way out. Down the stairs and out the front door. He got to the middle of the street before he jumped. It was going to take much longer to get back to Kaede's than it had before. He'd be lucky if he made it by daybreak.
Ha! He thought. Wouldn't that just be fantastic? He imagined the first light touching his skin before disappearing mid-jump, and the reaction on people's faces as two bloody, beaten bodies fell from the sky and splattered on the street.
Kagome would be so pleased.
Despite the weight of his enemies, Inuyasha made it with a half-hour of darkness to spare and laid the bodies onto the grass. Kagome came running towards him as he straightened up, rubbing his sore back. It fucking hurt.
"Oh no," she cried, devastated. She fell to her knees by Sango's side and positioned her friend's head in her lap. "No, no, no."
Inuyasha flattened his ears against her sobs. They were gut-wrenching and sorrowful. The urge to reach out and gather her in his arms, to kiss her pain away was almost overwhelming. He struggled to push it down. Don't let your feelings fool you, idiot, he berated himself.
She had hunched over her friend's body, an ear to her blood-stained chest. "She's not breathing. I can't hear anything," she wailed. "Sango… Sango…"
Kaede came up behind her and gently laid her hands on her shoulders. "Kagome, dear. Let me tend to your friends. Do not lose hope yet."
Kagome lifted her head and looked into the old woman's eyes. "What do you mean? They're gone. Look at them! She's…. Sango, she's…. She's cold."
"Aye, I see that child. But don't let your human eyes and ears fool you. There is no simply alive and dead, there are many layers in between. Let me tend to them and we will know for sure. Come now." She gently pulled Kagome away from her friend and sat her back to watch. Then Kaede kneeled down beside the hunter herself.
Inuyasha observed with his arms folded, dejected. He knew what the answer would be. For an instant, he considered not letting Kaede near the bodies, of pushing her back and yanking Kagome up and leaving. But the urge passed quickly. And so he stood, fuming, and watched as the old woman kneeled down and placed a hand against Sango's forehead, and one on her chest, right between her breasts. She breathed in deeply, and after a few seconds let it out in one big woosh. Then she stood and did the same with Hojou's lifeless form.
Finally, she turned to Kagome, who had nervously tangled her hands in her own shirt
"They are close. But they can be brought back."
Inuyasha grit his teeth as Kagome cried in surprise, relief the cause of her fresh tears. Great. He'd hoped that Kaede wouldn't be able to tell what he had come to find back in the house. He had hoped to bury and be done with them.
"Don't let my words fool you," Kaede chided softly. "It will take many hours to heal them so they are not on the brink of death. Inuyasha and I will have to work around the clock, and it could take days. A week, possibly. And that's just the first part. It could take weeks, months even, for them to wake up. More time to gain movement as freely as they used to. They may not be themselves when they come to. The experience of being so close to death drives some to madness." She cracked a small smile at Kagome's eager nod. "But yes, I do believe we got to them in time." She turned then to Inuyasha. He couldn't help glaring daggers.
"You know what must be done." She said.
Inuyasha growled. "I know what I can do, but what I will do is another story, wench."
"Inuyasha…" He winced at Kagome's voice. "I promise you. I promise. Bring them back and we will leave as soon as you're finished. I won't wait for them to open their eyes, we will go looking for the shards, just… please."
He didn't like it. He didn't like it one bit. Both the fact that he was helping her friends and that he seemed unable to steel himself against Kagome. The blood rushing through him was hot and heavy. He felt thick when she spoke to him, and forget about her pleading to him, that just reinforced an unusual drive to give in to everything she asked for. He just couldn't seem to ignore her, couldn't bring himself to go against her requests. And he fucking hated it. He hated it.
He pointed a clawed finger at her. "If you are lying to me, Kagome, so help me I will not think twice about undoing what I am about to do."
Her rapid nods would have to do for agreement. The sickness in his stomach churned again. He turned to Kaede. "Darken a room to keep the sun out. It won't do us any good if sunlight touches me and I'm thrust back into the mirror while I'm working."
Kaede nodded. "You'll start us off then?"
"Keh," he said, bending down and swinging Hojou up over his shoulder, "it only makes sense. I've seeped up more magic over the years due to that fucking mirror. I want to get this done and over with as soon as possible. We're wasting time here." With that, he turned and walked towards Kaede's cabin, knowing the way by heart, even after all this time. He left the women to pick up and carry Sango themselves.
This was it. This was the end of nice deeds and being played with when it came to the wench. Inuyasha knew full well that bringing Kagome's friends back to life meant they could hunt him down and try to rid the earth of him again in the future, and it pissed him off that Kagome was so blinded as to not see such an outcome. She was so frustratingly optimistic.
The walk from the clearing to Kaede's cabin was less than a few minute's time, and Inuyasha whistled low when he came across it. Originally it had been a hut; a single room with a smokestack. Then it was a two-roomed cabin and the smokestack had significantly improved. Now it was modern and large, a one-story wide building made from sturdy wood. The smokestack was taller than before, and three times the width. There had to at least be eight rooms, he guessed.
The others caught up to him, and Kaede led the way up the stairs and through the front door. Inside it was tidy. Spotless, almost. He followed her down the hallway and into a back room. It was circular and bare of any furniture. She and Kagome laid Sango on the floor, then she moved around, collecting towels and clothing to hang over the already drawn-down curtains, effectively cutting out the natural light. She flipped a switch by the door and turned the artificial lights off. Inuyasha dropped Hojou next to Sango, then turned to Kagome. Without speaking, he reached out and grabbed her arm, ignoring her cry of surprise, and lead her out of the room.
"What are you doing?" She struggled in vain against his grip until he pushed her out the door.
"You stay out of this room," he said. "Do not interrupt us in here. The magic is draining, so Kaede and I will be taking turns. Do not wander out on your own. If you try to run away I will catch you and bring you back and I won't be nice about it."
Kagome glared up at him, and he couldn't help but admire the way she stood firm, how she didn't flinch away from his threat. Her eyebrows drawn, her jaw tight, she nodded. "I'm not going anywhere." She said.
"Whatever you say," he sneered as Kaede walked out behind him. He watched her guide Kagome down the hallway and into the kitchen, then slammed the door closed and flipped off the lights in the room.
He turned to the two bodies, fighting the youkai in his head, who wanted nothing more than to let them just pass on.
You could tell them you were unsuccessful. That it took too much. They would never know.
True, he could. He could, but…
Kagome's crying face, her hunched shoulders and devastating sobs… Why did it affect him so much? He tried so damn hard to keep it separate, his lust from any feelings. The betrayal still stung, but now, here, in the dark as he replayed the day's events in his head…
He'd been watching the whole thing from behind the glass. He'd seen Kagome's face as she desperately tried to get to his mirror. Seen the way Hojou and Sango had fallen.
He couldn't get Kagome's wild eyes out of his mind. Her face, pleading for him to show himself, would not leave his head. He saw it every time he closed his eyes. He saw it now. Here. In the dark.
He could do it. Just let them die. Even the simple thought, the 'what if' in his head made his youkai ecstatic.
But her face stopped him. And he couldn't. He couldn't.
You fool, his youkai seethed.
Yes, he growled to himself. I am a fool.
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Ahhhhh, it's DONE. I can't believe I got this one out so fast! I just rolled right with it, lol. I'm very excited for the next few chapters. I can't wait for you all to read more and more! And Merry Christmas again, I hope the holidays are good to you all!
~SugarRos
