Author's Note: I'm back from fanfiction death.
I'm sorry for the long wait, everyone. I've been busy, just not with writing. Started up a business, traveled a bit of the world, my life has changed in many different ways. So why, then, do I continue to return?
First of all, you're all fucking amazing, and I don't say that lightly. From those of you who have reviewed once, to those that continue to return and leave reviews even in my absence, to those of you who are silent and speak only in favorites and alerts, you are the reason I keep coming back to continue this story. I'm not just in love with writing itself, I'm in love with you guys too! I hope you enjoy the new chapter - here's to many more until this story is complete!
Second, my amazing Beta, who, despite things happening in her own life, keeps reaching out to get me back on track. I hope you realize how very amazing you are! I mean it from the bottom of my heart.
Beta: Penthesileia
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
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Chapter 30: Bit by Every Agonizing Bit
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Kagome
Kagome woke up, overheated and uncomfortable.
She lifted her head to look around, her vision blurry with sleep. The fire Inuyasha had built right before they'd gone to sleep was now made up of slow-burning embers, crackling as they continued to die out. The sleeping bag Kaede had packed for her was wrapped tightly around her body, proof that she'd been overly active in her sleep.
The day was bright and warm. The sun beat down on the small clearing, and that, along with the fire, was practically cooking her alive under all the layers. No wonder she felt so overheated.
How long was I out? She struggled to untangle her arms and pushed up with her hands, looking up into the trees for Inuyasha.
Sure enough, he was gone. Sucked back into the mirror. It lay a few feet from her, propped up against a tree. She couldn't see him in there. He was sleeping, probably. Did he feel the heat from the morning sun like she did? Or did the mirror suppress any discomfort like it had suppressed his hunger?
Slowly she untangled herself and stood from the sleeping bag, a sigh of relief escaped from between her lips as a breeze whipped through the small clearing. She lifted her hair up off her neck and let the air cool her off a bit.
No movement from the mirror, thank God. She didn't feel like explaining that she had to relieve herself. Inuyasha was so overbearing about everything. Slowly she limped around the fire and into the forest. She wanted to be far enough away that he wouldn't be able to just see her, but so he wouldn't be able to hear her either.
Moving far enough to ease her mind, she found a decent spot and let her mind wander. Just as she had last night, she pushed away the grief that threatened to overwhelm her.
Sango and Hojou's betrayal ran deep.
She had spent the last week grieving them, thinking they were dead. But now, with renewed hope they might survive, a new emotion appeared that warred with her grief: Anger.
And the anger was hard to suppress, try as though she might.
She was livid with Hojou. Livid. Their last conversation had been a mess. His fight against Inuyasha was explosive, and after, his relief for finding her alive and safe had muddled her initial anger with confusion and doubt as he'd kissed her. He had spent the totality of their relationship lying to her about who he was. And the lies didn't stop when arguing with her about turning Inuyasha in. He had even smiled at her for her stubbornness. How could he trick her so easily?
You know, he had said, I think I would be disappointed if you didn't feel that way about the situation. Your compassion is a big part of the reason I fell for you in the first place.
Yes. He had been lying. Planning on turning Inuyasha over to Kikyou for good, even then. Lying through his teeth and covering them with words of kindness. The side of Hojou that Kagome knew, the side she'd always known before he revealed who he really was… That side was gone. What replaced him was an unknown.
And right now, Kagome's life was made of far too many unknowns.
She made her way back to camp slowly, taking her time. The sun filtered through the treetops, dancing in between the shadow of the leaves and branches as they rustled in the wind. For a moment, she felt like she was back home, walking the paths behind her house, on her way to the Goshinboku tree. She used to race to it with Souta, laughing as she passed him to touch the familiar, comforting bark.
The corners of her mouth quirked at the thought of her brother. His tussle of brown hair, his green eyes, the way his laughter rang out through the woods as he ran to catch up to her.
...Was Inuyasha right? Would Kikyou spare her family after what they had done to her? It was hard for Kagome to think that the witch could still possibly be alive with the burns she had given her. But at this point, what could she do? Who could she trust to tell her the truth now except for Inuyasha?
He was honest to Kagome about what he was. What he wanted her for. She was fine with being a shard detector. Fine with being the only source of his freedom at the moment. She would take it over lies and deception. She would take being truthfully used to reach a goal, especially for one she wanted herself.
She wanted Kikyou gone.
And fine, her friends would probably never want to speak to her again, but she'd take them being alive and hating her over dead. Even Hojou, with all his secrets and falsehoods.
Kagome resolved to herself then, in the middle of the forest, the daylight sprinkling shattered patterns across her arms, that she would leave her old world behind and become what Inuyasha desperately needed her to be.
Hardened and efficient.
It was okay that he also hated her. It was okay that he was bitter and angry. She would take it and consume his anger, just like she was consuming her own. She imagined holding it inside of herself, a small flame that burned bright and never-ending. It would fuel her from now on. It would drive her forward.
She stepped over a small stream, bubbling over rocks and twigs, wincing as she put more of her weight that she wanted to on her injured leg.
She frowned.
As far into the early morning as he dared, Inuyasha had set up camp and then forced Kagome, exhausted and worn, to sit still while he checked over her leg. His voice had been gruff, but his hands had been incredibly gentle. She tried to ignore the blush that crept up her cheeks as she remembered his breath against her thigh, his claws gently prodding at her tender flesh as he closely inspected her healing wounds.
...What was wrong with her? She was already losing her resolve, and it only took a few seconds of thinking about Inuyasha to break her down again. She grit her teeth against the memory. What was the point in getting lost in him again? She had no idea what drove her intense, unavoidable lust for the jerk. He claimed it was not magic, but what else could it be? It wasn't normal.
Would she even be having these thoughts if that damn spider youkai had never attacked her? The only reason he was even touching her like that was to check her wounds, not to get into her panties.
Kagome rolled her eyes, shook her leg a bit to rid of its residue pain and continued on. Her fingers reached under her shirt to brush the small glass bottle that encased the single jewel shard. She could feel it pulsating, which Kaede had explained was her purification powers doing their job.
I have to remember that there's nothing else but what I have to do. No thoughts about Inuyasha. No thoughts about Hojou and Sango's betrayal. Just focus on what I have to do. Her wavering resolve solidified again.
I should probably try to sleep some more, she mused, especially since she and Inuyasha would be up all night moving towards the jewel shard.
"KAGOME!"
She froze, recognizing the anger and… was that fear? in Inuyasha's voice.
"KAGOME!"
She limped forward as quickly as possible, heart pounding in her chest, wincing heavily at the pain in her leg. Inuyasha was in trouble. Something was attacking him. It was Kikyou, it had to be! Her breath hitched in her throat as she limp-ran, desperate to get to him, desperate not to lose him.
He was the only one she had who was left, who was still with her. It didn't matter if he was by her side for his own, selfish reasons, she just didn't want to be alone.
She didn't want to be alone.
She burst through the thicket, stumbling out into the small clearing, eyes darting frantically, trying to take in any signs of danger.
But the clearing was calm and bright and undisturbed.
"What the fuck?!" Inuyasha said. He was livid. His hands pressed against the mirror, which was sitting propped where she'd left it just moments ago. "Where the fuck did you go?!"
Kagome's mouth fell open. "I-I went to-" She paused, steeling herself. "Does it matter? What are you doing, yelling like that? You scared me!"
"I scared you? You were gone! I thought you'd gone off and died and I was trapped in this goddamn cage forever!" He slammed his fists against the glass. "And for what, so you could take a fucking stroll?"
She clenched her fists and grit her teeth. Her resolve wavered for a different reason this time. She could easily just walk off into the forest and hope to find her way to civilization. She could just leave him here, trapped in the mirror, a sitting duck for Kikyou to find… eventually.
She bit her tongue against the threat, stopping herself from uttering the words aloud. Instead, she turned and limped over to her sleeping bag, slipping inside and turning away from Inuyasha and his stupid mirror. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of being able to look at her.
"Oi! I'm speaking to you!"
She wrenched the top of the bag away from her face and sat up, whipping around to glare daggers at him. "I had to pee, Inuyasha, okay? I. Had. To. PEE." And with that, she turned and flopped back down into her bedding. What a friggin' jerk!
He didn't say anything for a while, which was fine by her. It meant she could stew in her anger in peace. After a while though, he cleared his throat, his mumbling words drifting through the air to reach her ears.
"Fine, but just… tell me next time."
She refused to acknowledge him. Luckily, he didn't say anything else to anger her, and after what seemed like forever, her angry, beating heart calmed. Her breathing evened out. She drifted back into another fitful sleep.
She awoke to him calling out to her again. Kagome rolled over, blinking into the falling dusk. It was already pretty dark out, and she could barely see past the treeline. Inuyasha was watching her from behind the glass.
"You up?" he asked.
She sat up and rubbed at her eyes. "I'm up." The fire had completely died out and it was significantly colder than it had been when she'd been up at mid-day. She stood from her bag and stretched.
"Hurry up and get me out of here," he said, "we're wasting time."
"Fine," she muttered, limping towards him and kneeling down in front of the mirror. She tried to push her nerves down, tried to harden herself against what would happen next.
It's just a kiss. She leaned forward, glanced up to look at him. His gaze was hard and cold. He had shut himself off from her as well.
Closing her eyes, she pressed her lips to the glass. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest, feeling nothing but the cold, hard barrier in between them. But then he was there. His lips...
His lips….
He placed his hands on her shoulders as his arms were freed, and she leaned back as the rest of his body followed. She felt her cheeks flush, relishing in that intense pull she felt every time she kissed him. The heat she'd come to know so well pooled at her insides. A tremble started there, where the heat pooled. It shivered up her arms and ended in a gasp as her lips opened to allow him in.
It was soft, his kiss. Hesitant. She wanted more. Wanted to get lost in him, the urge to forget everything else and surrender to nothing but her desires were overwhelming.
You can't! She cried to herself. Stop it! STOP.
She pressed her lips together and pulled back, felt him back away from her as well. His hands left her shoulders, she heard him take in a deep breath.
"Sorry," she heard herself say before she could stop herself. "I'm not sure… I mean… I don't know why…" Her words trailed off. She felt like an idiot. She had practically given herself every pep talk she possibly could, and the desire her body felt still overwhelmed her. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she control herself? She fought the urge to look up and him, and instead turned to her sleeping bag.
"I'll start packing up," she said, limping towards her pack.
"Oi, wait a sec," Inuyasha snapped, reaching out to grip her wrist.
She froze, hoped he didn't hear her sharp intake of breath. Slowly she looked up at him. "What?
"I have to check your leg first." He said, frowning down at her.
"It's fine," she said, trying to yank her arm out of his fingers.
"It's not fine, stupid, you're still limping. I have to keep checking it in case any more poison shows up. I have to make sure I got it all."
She hesitated. "Fine. Let me go so I can sit down." This time his grip loosened as she pulled her arm away. She limped over to the oversized log she'd sat on last night and pushed her leg out for easy access. He knelt down next to her and started with her ankle. Going over every inch of it, tracing the path the poison had made up her calf, through the blood veins in her thigh, up, up, up to her hip.
She bit back the moan that threatened to break free.
"What, does it hurt?"
She glanced down at him. His eyebrow was cocked, questioning, his golden eyes fixed on her. Could he see through her? Could he tell how hard she struggled to keep herself contained?
"I'm fine."
"Hm," he muttered, moving away from her. "It looks okay, I didn't find any lingering poison. You're probably in the clear, but I'll check again in the morning to make sure."
She nodded, began to push herself up on the log, but he was next to her suddenly, his hand on her shoulder pushing her back down.
"Stay. I'll pack."
"I can do it."
"Shut up and stay." He bit out. She watched him move quickly around the rude camp, packing her stuff away as dusk completely settled into night. The mirror he stored last. After only a minute or so he was back by her side, dropping the large pack down next to her. As she stood to shoulder the pack, he turned his back to her and knelt down, the implication obvious.
She hesitated, this time for too long. He turned to look at her over his shoulder, eyebrow raised.
"What's up?" he asked. "Let's go."
She moved towards him, her fingertips grazing across his skin, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Was it just her that felt the jolt of excitement every time they touched? Was it just her that struggled to keep from touching him more?
Was it just her?
He jumped.
They flew.
He kept to the treetops again, and with her direction they made their way towards the presence of the jewel shard, so far away yet growing stronger with each passing moment.
They made camp as the sun slowly began to rise over the horizon. Again, he placed her down and carefully checked her leg. He wouldn't let her lay down and sleep until he finished, grunting in satisfaction that her wound was still healing properly.
She slept throughout the day.
She dreamed Inuyasha was calling out to her, calling her name over and over. But when she awoke, she realized he was calling out to her because the sun was setting. Crawling out of her makeshift bed, she limped to his mirror again, steeling herself for another kiss, his eyes still unflinching.
Cold glass.
His lips.
Again, the undeniable urge that she had to give in. His lips, his hands, his chest pressed up against her. Her arms moved on their own, up around his shoulders. She wanted to melt into him.
NO.
She pushed against him, hard. Turned her head to the side and pushed as hard as she could. He let go, taking a few steps back and cursing.
Kagome pushed it down. Down, down, down, until her shivers of desire turned into shivers of cold.
"S-Sorry," she said again, her hands trembling. Why? Why was it so hard to resist him? Thinking back to the other times, the times that she had given in so easily… "I'm sor-"
"Just," he interrupted, a harsh growl tumbling out with the words, "stop talking." His brows were furrowed together. He still avoided her gaze.
They set themselves to pack up camp. Inuyasha made a point to check her leg, and they were off.
The night flew by in almost-silence, the only interruptions her uttered directions and casual comments about the stars, about the night, about the jewel. But all she really wanted to tell him, all she really wanted to say was: Don't speak to me. Don't make this harder than it already is.
She kept her sorrow to herself.
The third morning she crashed, exhausted. Her shoulders were sore from carrying the pack and her head ached from all her tumultuous thoughts. The tea helped ease her to sleep, and again she dreamed of Inuyasha calling out to her.
Another sunset.
She knelt in front of the mirror. Slowly she closed her eyes, her lips waiting for his, her heart pounding nervously in her chest.
He emerged from the mirror, his lips on hers, his shoulders, his hands. His fingertips brushed against her arms, heat spreading everywhere he touched.
"Why?" She whispered into him. He growled back at her, pushing her back against the closest tree, his kiss hungry. Just as hungry as she was.
He wasn't spelling her to feel this way, he had told her as much. But then why? Why? Why did she feel like if she didn't have him the entirety that made up her very being would end?
This time it was Inuyasha that pulled away. He shoved himself away from the tree, breath hitched, aggravated fingers dragging through his hair. Kagome brought a shaking hand up to her mouth, still swollen from the onslaught of his lips. They tingled under her touch.
"Fuck, Kagome," he breathed, his voice rough. "This isn't normal." He started to pace back and forth, brows drawn in concentration.
"You said…" she took a deep breath. "Do you remember the first time I flew on your back? You spelled me to stay calm because of what was happening to my family."
He frowned, but nodded.
"Under the torii gate, you… you kissed me and…"
"I remember," he croaked out. She darted up to look into his eyes. They were that same dark gold, heavily layered in his own lust.
"You said you didn't spell me to feel this way around you-"
"I haven't!" He snapped.
"I know! I know, it just… It doesn't make sense to me either. You're the youkai, you would know more than I do."
He shook his head and went back to pacing. "It makes no sense. There are youkai who claim their women. You know, mark them as their own. That's the only time any sort of bond of a higher magnitude is formed. But this… This isn't normal. Not before the claiming, at least. Something else has to be going on." His feet stilled. " Kikyou, that bitch. If I had to guess, I'd say she has something to do with it."
Kagome nodded furiously in agreement.
"It can't continue. We have to control it." His eyes pinned her to where she stood. "No more of this. You have to kiss me out of the mirror, but it's bare minimum from here on out, you understand? We have to agree to work together. Otherwise we won't finish what we set out to do here."
Again, she nodded, willing the tears that had been gathering not to fall. He was right. They had to do it. If they were on the same page, she felt confident that they could re-focus themselves.
Without another word, she turned to the campsite and started to pack. Only a moment later he joined to help.
She kept her thoughts on their goal, even as she climbed on his back. Even as they jumped up into the air. She kept her focus on detecting the jewel. As the moon passed by overhead, she focused.
Just stay focused.
She was so focused, in fact, that force of the jewel's presence smacked into her, like a brick wall. She felt like she'd been punched in the gut, her breath forcefully pushed from her lungs.
"What? Kagome what is it?" Inuyasha called over his shoulder. He stopped short on a branch, propelling her forward to lean too far over him. Their unbalanced weight caused the branch to break under them, and with a large crunch, they fell.
Kagome's stomach dropped out under her as branches and twigs whipped by, scratching at her arms and face. Inuyasha scrambled, cursing as they fell, to get ahold of another branch. His claws caught and they hung there, swaying back and forth from the force of the drop, Kagome's arms and legs wrapped tightly around him.
"Goddammit, Kagome," Inuyasha snapped.
"What?" She snapped back, feeling sick as she swayed, clinging to him.
"You sounded like someone punched you in the face, what happened?" He dropped again, this time controlled, onto the forest ground.
"The jewel. It's close by." She said.
His ears quirked her way. "How close?"
"Close. Like, right under us. Or almost."
He lowered himself down to release her. She slipped off his back but kept one hand on the sleeve of his fire-rat coat. It was pitch black. She couldn't see anything.
She heard him audibly sigh. "Here, give me the pack." He said, slipping a strap off her shoulder and tugging at it.
"Give me a second, I can't see." She slipped off the other strap and let him take it, heard the rustle of it settling on his back. His own hand replaced his coat, wrapping solid around hers. She wanted to yank it away on instinct, but then what? Stumble around until she fell and hit her head, that's what.
"Where's it coming from?"
She closed her eyes, concentrating. She felt the familiar tug of the jewel, felt the warmth of it pulling her towards it. She peered around in the darkness.
There. A faint glow, off to her right. She lifted her hand to point towards it. "There," she breathed. Slowly, Inuyasha led the way, pushing back branches and bushes to clear the path for her.
And there it was.
The pool was small, no more than a pond, really. Maybe 30 inches wide, the clear, still water glowed pinkish-purple, lighting up the pebbles and moss, the tiny little tadpoles and water-skimmers that inhabited it. The glow pulsated, the same beat as the one pressing against her chest did. The synced rhythm calmed her.
She let her breath out, all but collapsing into a pile next to the edge of the water.
"Is it there?" Inuyasha asked, a hint of annoyance threaded between his words.
"Can't you… see it?" She breathed, almost dumbfounded by the beauty of it. She looked up at him, his face visible in the glowing light. It softened his features, making him look more otherworldly than he already was.
"I mean, it's a puddle," he quipped.
"It's glowing." She brought her hand up to touch the one hidden under her shirt.
"I only see pebbles. It's dark down here, even for me." He frowned. "Are you sure there's no youkai around it? Youkai can be small too, you know."
Kagome shook her head. "No youkai, only the shard."
"Keh," he muttered. "What a letdown. I was expecting another fight."
She couldn't help an eye-roll before she reached out to it, her fingers dipping below the surface. The ripples she created in the water caused the glowing light to ripple as well, lighting up the bushes and trees around them. She gazed around, couldn't hold back the laughter that escaped her lips.
Inuyasha knelt down beside her. "What is it? What do you see?"
"It's beautiful. The whole area is glowing." Kagome felt the smile spread across her face. It looked like a Fairy playground. She could easily imagine them hopping across the small pond, wings fluttering at their back. For a moment she felt like a kid again.
There was a long pause before he spoke. "I wish… I wish I could see it," he said.
Kagome turned to look at his profile, pleased that she could make him out in the light cast from the jewel. She kept her breathing even, tried not to give anything away. Slowly, she reached out to touch his arm. She felt him stiffen under his coat.
"I wish you could see it too." She said, her words almost too soft for her to believe she said them. He turned and caught her gaze.
And so they sat, staring at each other. His eyes were a strange shade of purple under the jewels' glow. It felt like forever before he pulled away and stood up.
"Well, put it with the other one," he said, voice strained. "We've still got a few good hours to go before sunlight, we should keep moving until then."
Sighing, knowing his withdraw from her was for the best, she pulled out the glass bottle and uncorked the top, dropping the shard inside. She watched as they both pulsed, almost as if they were happy to see each other again. She stood and reached out to grab onto his coat again, the light fading back into a lessened glow as they settled back under her shirt.
"So?" He asked, impatiently. "Can you sense another one?"
Kagome closed her eyes and focused one more, feeling out for that same pull. She pointed ahead this time. "This one is closer. I mean, not close," she corrected, "just closer than this one was."
He cleared his throat, but stayed where he stood. "Are you sure it's that way?" he asked, an underlying tone to his voice she hadn't heard before.
"Yes. Why?"
He let his breath out, heavy and slow. "Fuck. I was afraid you were going to say that."
She tugged at his sleeve. "What is it? Tell me."
"Wolves," the growl ripped from his throat, guttural and thick. A muscle tightened in his jaw.
"...Fucking Wolves."
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As always, I would love to hear what you think, any comments or crits are welcome. And for those of you unaware, I keep a tumblr blog for my readers. Just about how the writing is going, updates and extras, as well as daily life stuff that keeps me from writing. Check it out if you'd like, just search for SugarRos Fanfiction. You can also follow the tags Youkai in the Mirror or YITM for updates related to this fic! :)
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