"Brittany," I shout, "Hurry up I need to use the bathroom!

Brittany walks out of my bathroom and closes the door with her foot. She's wearing her little red and white cheerios uniform that I know her the best in. I itch to hold her.

"Bathrooms all yours San, I'm going downstairs."

After I apply my makeup and do my hair in the bathroom I follow Brittany downstairs. She's sitting at the kitchen counter with Andres.

"Me llamo Andres," Andres says.

"My llama is named Andres," Brittany says confidently. Andres sighs.

"No Britt, just because it sounds like a word in english doesn't mean that's what it means," Andres tries to explain. "Try this one… puedes hacerlo."

"Puerto Rico."

Andres groans and drops his head in his hands. Brittany looks disappointed. I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her waist, squeezing quickly and tightly before I let go.

"I'll teach you more later Britt-Britt," I say, "Andres is a bad teacher anyway."

Brittany giggles and my brother rolls his eyes.

"What do you want for breakfast?" I ask, opening our cupboards, "We have cereal and yogurt and we could make pancakes or waffles. I think we ran out of eggs yesterday but we could-"

"Um, Santana?" Brittany interrupts. "I'm actually getting breakfast with Artie this morning, if that's okay?"

I remind myself to breathe. I hate that boy. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Brittany is choosing him over me. She's choosing a boy over me. Not for the first time, and probably not for the last time.

"Santana? Did you hear me?" Brittany says, nudging my shoulder. "I said we're still on for lunch though right?"

I nod and smile. She leans towards me and runs her hand through my dark hair twirling a lock of it in her finger. She presses her lips to my forehead, and I take a shaky breath in.

"You're the best San," she whispers. I nod again and she swings her backpack over her shoulder, she skips to the door, waving her fingers at me briefly before closing the door behind her. I stay completely still, and listen to the familiar hum of her car leave my driveway. I swallow hard.

"That was my ride," I mumble to myself as a tear rolls down my cheek. I agreed to talk to an adult, what more did Brittany want from me? Even if we did figure things out, would she choose me, or choose Artie? But apparently until then our boyfriends are still our boyfriends. My hand shakes as I pull out my phone. I dial Sam's number and press the phone to my ear. I wipe away my tears as the phone rings.

"Hello?" Sam's voice cuts through the noise.

"Hey S-Sam," I say, my voice shaking.

"Are you alright?" he asks, concern edging his voice. I clear my throat.

"Of course," I say.

"Well, you sounded worried, and you called me by my name, so I was just making sure."

"I'm fine Guppers, just calling to ask if…" I hesitate, "If you still would like to get breakfast."

I can practically hear his face brighten, "Yes," he says, "Yeah sure, of course."

"Can you come pick me up?" I ask him. Sam agrees and I give him my address.

"Oye!" Andres calls from the pantry, "Cara a Tope!"

I roll my eyes at his immature nickname for me. "What?"

"Did you eat all the peanut butter?"

"Good Morning!"Sam says cheerfully as I enter his car. It's small and green and reminds me a little of Kermit the Frog.

"'Morning," I mumble.

"What are you up for this morning Mrs. Lopez? Pancakes? Smoothies? Bagels?" he asks, pulling out of my driveway.

I groan and rub my head, "Are you always so chipper in the morning? And I'm down with a bacon egg and cheese from McDonalds."

Sam nods and directs us towards the only McDonalds within a twenty mile radius. As we drive I apply my makeup and fix my ponytail. Sam hums constantly and loudly. After telling him to stop for the fifth time, I turn on the radio. Sam orders for me and hands me the warm, greasy, sandwich and I take a huge bite.

"Mmm," I groan. Sam smirks.

"I never thought that you- out of all people- would be a junk food addict."

I swallow the sandwich. "Are you kidding?" I exclaim. "Coach Sylvester only lets us have her crazy diet smoothie for lunch and dinner, we're supposed to skip breakfast, but what she doesn't know won't harm her."

I finish my sandwich and wipe my face with a wet napkin. Sam pulls into the school lot to drop me off at morning cheerios practice. I open the door and quickly peck Sam on the lips. He smiles at me.

"See you later," he says. I nod solemnly.

As I trudge to the back entrance of the gym, I stop in my tracks. This isn't how it's supposed to feel. When you're with someone, spending time with them shouldn't feel like a chore. You should enjoy their company, you should want to see them every second of every day. You should think of them when you don't have to. You should daydream about them, daydream about growing up with them and having children and getting married.

I don't feel that way with Sam. I didn't feel that way with Finn, or Puck. I've never felt that way about any boy. Only Brittany. It's always been only Brittany. She's my person. I hope I'm hers.

My knees shake and I collapse on the ground, my hands cradling my head. I sob loudly, not caring that anyone could hear me or see me. I can't avoid my feelings anymore, I can't keep pretending that I care about anyone other than my beautiful, blonde, best friend. Once the tears stop, I pick myself up, fix my makeup, and enter the school.

"You're late Sandbags," Coach Sylvester snaps at me, "Thirty sit ups."

"I know," I mumble, dropping my bag off and getting on the floor. As I do the exercise, I see Brittany enter the gym from the other side, her bag in her hand. She spots me and waves. I finish my last sit up and wave back. With a newfound determination I stride over to her and pull her into a hug, breathing in her scent and memorizing the smoothness of her hair.

"How was breakfast?" I ask.

"Good," she says, smirking as I reluctantly pull away.

"I missed you," I say, not ashamed.

"And I you."

"Brittany," I whisper, lowering my voice, "At lunch today, let's talk to Mrs. Holiday. About… you know."

Brittany nods her head and grins. "Okay!"

"Brittany! Santana! Stop chatting and work your asses off!" Coach yells at us. Brittany giggles and together we walk to the center of the gym to start our Cheerios practice.

I slurp down the rest of my smoothie and toss my cup in the trash. Brittany does the same. I take a deep breath and look at her, her eyes look just as nervous as I feel.

"Ready?" I whisper.

She nods and clears her throat. We stand up from our table and Quinn looks up at us.

"Where are you two going?" she asks.

"Don't you want to listen to my original song ideas?" Rachel says, "I understand that My Headband and Only Child were flops, but with a little more living and thinking, I'm sure that-"

"I liked them," Brittany says. "Very touching and creative."

Berry's face breaks out into a grin, "Thank you Britt!" She turns to the table. "Maybe we should use them for regionals."

"Hell to the no!" Mercedes exclaims.

"Absolutely not," Tina agrees.

"Sorry Rachel," Finn says.

I rest my hand on Brittany's shoulder, leading her away from the table. I move my hand down her arm, and once we exit the loud cafeteria, I slip it into her own warm palm. Maybe soon I won't have to wait until we're out of the public eye to hold Brittanys hand. Maybe soon we won't have to hide. Maybe soon we can broadcast our love to the rooftops.

The thought makes me feel warm inside. Brittany and I walk down the hallway. We've done it a million times before, but this time feels different. We're walking towards something that could change our lives forever.

Okay, maybe I'm being dramatic, but it does feel different. I can't think of one time where Brittany and I couldn't think of anything to say to each other, but here we are, walking in silence. After we stop at the front office to see where Mrs. Holidays lunch duty is, we head to the library. At the library door, Brittany pauses and turns to look at me.

"San," she says quietly, "I just wanted to say that I'm really proud of you. You're being really brave."

My mouth is dry. "Thank you Britt, I love-" I pause, not able to say the words. "I love our friendship so much. I'm willing to do anything to keep it." Or grow it into something more than just a friendship.

Brittany takes my hand. We enter the library and start roaming around the aisles, looking for Mrs. Holiday. We spot her talking to Puck and Zizes who are crowded over a computer. She says something to them and turns around, waking straight in our direction. When she sees us she smiles.

"Ladies!" she says happily. My expression doesn't match hers, and neither does Brittany's.

"Mrs. Holiday," I say, "We need your help."

Mrs. Holiday's face softens when she sees the concern edging my features. She nods and takes my arm.

"Anything girls, what's up?"

Brittany looks at me. "Could we go somewhere a little more private?"

Holly nods, "I'll find an empty classroom and I'll write you permission to come visit me during study hall."

I nod as she continues talking, "Do you think you could tell me a little bit about what's going on? Just so I can be prepared."

I swallow and step forward, keeping my eyes on the ground. I lower my voice to a whisper. "Brittany and I are best friends, we always have been," I look at Brittany, "We always will be. But lately, um, our- my- we think our, um, feelings may have developed into something… a little more than, uh, feelings that you feel towards a friend." My cheeks heat up quickly, but I relax a little when I see that Brittany is nodding in confirmation.

Mrs. Holiday nods, "I see. Come to the Health classroom at study hall today, maybe I can help you sort through some of your feelings. Thank you girls for trusting me."

Brittany and I nod, and when it becomes clear that there is nothing more for us to say, Brittany and I thank her and exit the library.

Once again I can't think of anything to say to my best friend. There are a lot of things I want to say to her, but none of them are appropriate for this situation. The bell rings and Brittany turns to face me.

She opens her mouth, and closes it. Then opens it again. Finally she settles on pulling me in for a hug. I melt into it, feeling right for the first time all day. This is where I'm meant to be, in Brittany's arms. Too soon, she pulls away.

"I'll see you in an hour," I say, looking back and forth at Brittany's beautiful blue eyes. She nods and pulls away, after giving me a small, thankful, proud smile. I watch as she moves down the hallway, marveling at the graceful way she does the smallest things, like swinging her bag over her shoulder as she takes books from her locker.

I painstakingly sit through one hour of Spanish translations and try to respond when Mr. Shue calls my name. But I can't focus. My leg bounces up and down. My fingers drum on my desk. I hum a tune under my breath. Finally, the bell rings. I jump up out of my desk, grab my homework. And bound out of the classroom. I quickly find Brittany waiting for me by my locker.

"Hey San," she says, "After school today will you come over to my house and help me with my math homework? It's just so confusing!" she exclaims, linking her pinkie in mine, "Like, my whole life I was taught that zero is the lowest number, but now there are numbers that's less than that, and there's no limit to how low they can go, just like theres no limit to how high you can count. And- how am I supposed to multiply two numbers when I can't imagine it in my head? Like, if you told me to multiply 589 by 75, I would just imagine 589 unicorns being multiplied by a fairy with a sparkly wand! Then it would be clear that the answer is 44,175. But how can there be .5 unicorns? Unless the unicorn is cut in half, but I don't want to think about that because that makes me sad and I don't like being sad."

I stare at Brittany in surprise, she stares right back.

"I- I- I don't know Britt," I finally say. She kisses me on the nose. I blush wildly, "What was that for?" I ask in a whisper.

"You're just really pretty, that's all."

I blush again, and Brittany's playful expression melts into a more serious one. "Are you ready to go talk to Mrs. Holiday?"

My throat goes dry and I nod. Brittany touches my arm, "I know you're scared Santana, but you don't have to be. I'm here with you, no matter what."

I look up at Brittany, and my heart hurts when I see that her eyes are watering. I want so bad to kiss her tears away, but I refrain, and instead settle on leaning my head against her shoulder.

Before I know it we're standing in front of the Health classroom. Brittany opens the door for me, and when I walk in I immediately squint. The lights are turned down low and the room is lit only by a few desk lamps. In the middle of the floor there's a colorful blanket. I pause in the doorway when I hear spooky, mystical, music playing. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea…

Brittany peeks at the room over my shoulder. When she sees the blanket she hops up on her little feet and squirms around me.

"Mrs. Holiday?" she calls out, "Did you make us a picnic?"

Mrs. Holiday emerges from a corner. I jump. Mrs. Holiday laughs, "No, sorry Brittany. Please, have a seat."

Britt and I sit cross legged next to each other, Mrs. Holiday sits across from us.

"So why are we sitting on the floor?" Brittany asks.

"Because we're in Japan," Mrs. Holiday says, smiling. Neither Brittany or I laugh, so Mrs. Holiday laughs at her own joke. "No, welcome to my sacred, sexy, sharing circle," she says, gesturing to the blanket. "I wanna thank you guys for confiding in me, cause I know this is tough, and I wanna ask both of you if either of you thinks you might be a lesbian."

Lesbian. I learned that word in eighth grade. Before that, in my household, especially around my abuela, we never talked about a girl liking a girl. I was taught it was wrong, it was dirty, sinful. But still, the word felt so right on my tongue.

"I don't know," Brittany says quietly.

Both Britt and Mrs. Holiday turn to me, so I swallow hard and open my mouth. "Yeah, I mean who knows," I say, "I'm attracted to girls I'm attracted to guys." Well, I'm attracted to girls I have sex with guys. "I made out with a manneguin, I even had a sex dream about a shrub that was just in the shape of a person."

Yeah that's true.

Mrs. Holiday smiles. "Well we've all been there, I went to an all girls college where the only industry in the town was a manufacturing of softball equipment. I still feel a little tingle when I hear Ani DiFranco." Mrs. Holiday pauses, seeming to be caught up in her own world. I'm sure in any other circumstance Britt and I would have smirked at each other. Mrs. Holiday shivers, shaking herself out of the daydream. "Ooh! Anyway, it's not about who you are attracted to ultimately, it's about who you fall in love with."

I glance at Brittany. She has her hands in her lap, her hair hanging a little in her face. I'm pretty sure I know who I've fallen in love with.

"I don't know how I feel because Santana refuses to talk about it."

I look at my hands, tears threatening to surface. I didn't realize how much I was taking advantage of Brittany, how neglectful I was being.

"Okay, well I know talking about feelings can be really hard, so I have an idea." Mrs. Holiday smiles. "Why don't you guys find a song, and see if maybe the lyrics of the song could help you start a dialogue going."

I nod, "I could be down with that. I have the perfect song." I smile softly at Brittany, "There's just one problem though, Britt and I may need your help to sing it."

Mrs. Holiday grins, "I thought you'd never ask."

The bell rings and Brittany and I stand up. Before we can exit, Mrs. Holiday pulls us into a tight hug. I stiffen in surprise. The only people I ever hug are Brittany and Abuela, and occasionally my parents. Mrs. Holiday pulls back and smiles at us.

"Thanks again for confiding in me. What you two have is beautiful, I look forward to seeing it grow. Santana, email me the song info, and I'll do my best to help you two out."

"Thanks Mrs. H," Brittany says, taking my pinkie in hers.

"Yeah," I say as we leave, "Thank you."

So I kind of finished writing this chapter, reviewed it, and then published it in the same hour, so sorry if there are any typos or mistakes. I'm leaving for vacation in two day so I probably won't have to much time to write. PLEASE review/favorite/follow me. I love you guys hope you like the story so far