Author's Notes: Hello everyone, good to be back! Hope you all had a great week! Very excited to bring you Chapter 38, which is YITM's longest chapter yet! I hope you all enjoy~!

Awesome Betas: Penthesileia, Not_Towa_Wakasa

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Chapter 38: The Way We Feel

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Inuyasha

Inuyasha froze, just for a split second before he continued spreading the ointment over the dark bruise that covered Kagome's ribs. He forced himself to keep his breathing even, to keep his eyes averted.

Her face was still wet. Her breathing still ragged. She wasn't thinking right. That's why she wasn't covering herself up.

She's offering herself to you.

No she's not, he snapped at his youkai. He wrestled it back, gritting his teeth together as he kept his concentration on his task.

Pathetic, his youkai sneered, gaining just a sliver of control. He prayed to whatever Gods might hear him that Kagome wouldn't be able to feel him harden through his jeans. He already felt like a piece of shit for not getting to her sooner, for not realizing how severe her situation was at the river, for no longer having the ability to heal her completely, like he may have had working together with Kaede, or even if he had still been under the influence of the mirror. He didn't want her to think he couldn't control himself on top of that.

She knew his youkai wanted him to kill her, he had screamed as much to her when he'd practically dismembered the seeker wolf. But she wasn't aware of his youkai's… other desires, and he was sure she'd run screaming in the other direction if she knew just how intense the urge was to take her whether she wanted him to or not. There was a crack in the wall between himself and his youkai, and every moment it crumbled and cracked just a little bit more.

What made the whole thing worse was the fact that he constantly felt it, even when she was doing normal things, like sleeping. This time had been no different, even while she was in the midst of her nightmare.

When she began to thrash around in her sleeping bag at mid-day, his first thought was that his healing had somehow gone wrong, and she was having a seizure. But one look at her face and he could immediately tell she was stuck in an awful nightmare. Her hands were clawing at her throat, her mouth wide open in fear…

Would have been so easy then.

Fucking sick bastard.

He shook the image from his head and did his best to keep his fingers from trembling as he helped Kagome to slowly lift both her arms above her head. It stretched her torso. He noticed her wincing, noticed the way she bit her lip. The positioning was uncomfortable for her, but it gave him easier access to the skin below her breasts. It was blue and purple and blotchy, just like her side was. Just like her shoulder. Just like her neck and her hip.

His ears picked up her voice, but it was so mumbled he couldn't understand.

"What was that?" he asked, keeping his voice as low as possible. The fragileness he'd sensed after he'd freed her from the Naraku youkai was still there. If he was too harsh with her now, she would break.

"I look awful," she said. She was watching his fingers as they slid across her skin. She shivered, goosebumps breaking out across her path he drew. He resisted the incredible urge to move up higher, to feel that same softness that he had felt pressed against him many times before.

"You look fine," he said, his voice thick and heavy with a yearning he didn't fucking understand. Why was it so strong when it came to her? Why couldn't he go a fucking moment without wanting to… Goddammit, he was spiraling out of control. "Think of them as battle scars. It's proof you fought and won."

"You fought and won," she corrected with a heavy sigh.

"Shut up. You fought too. You held it at bay long enough for me to get there."

He felt her shiver underneath him as he pushed her pajama bottoms down to remove the bandage around her hips. They relaxed around her waist, into the fold of her legs. He carefully pushed them aside, just enough to get to the worst of the bruising.

He bit back another growl. He could fucking smell her arousal. For the first time he could ever remember, he wished he had a weak, human nose.

Don't let her fucking see it, he chanted, his jaw locking again and shifting so she wouldn't feel him harden against her. He methodically moved onto her shoulder, then her neck, careful with his claws. Careful with his eyes.

Always fucking careful.

Once he was done, he closed the ointment up and set it to the side, picking up the bandages and re-wrapping up her chest. He waited for a split second to see if she wanted to do it herself, but her arms stayed where they were - up and out of the way.

Submissive, like she should be, his youkai salivated.

Once he finished bandaging her chest and hip, he grabbed his fire rat coat. He'd been using it as a pillow, still refusing to use Kagome's ridiculously good smelling one. He wrapped the coat around the both of them and leaned back against the cave wall, leaving them with a slight incline so she could rest comfortably.

"You should try to sleep some more," he said, again being mindful of his voice. He was afraid of sounding too harsh. It might cause her to panic like she had during her nightmare. He needed her sharp. If she panicked out here in the wild at the wrong time, she would die.

And that sure as fuck wasn't happening.

"No way," Kagome said, despite the tiredness he detected in her voice. "I can't sleep. I can't close my eyes."

He huffed, feigning annoyance. "Fine, but it's boring, there's nothing for you to do but sit here, and we're not leaving until you're healed up. Or until a wolf comes along and we're forced out."

She twisted in his lap so her cheek pressed against his chest, and wrapped her arm over his side, her hand resting at his hip. "Didn't you have a wound…? she asked, her voice trailing off after the question. "I could have sworn you were bleeding from your chest, but… s'kinda hazy…"

He thought about telling her how he had practically resolved to rip through his own heart just to get to her in time, but shoved that idea aside real quick. What good would it do, to admit something so ridiculous to her? "Keh," he finally said, "I'm hanyou, remember? I heal fast."

Part of him wanted her to know. Part of him wanted her to know just how much he… ugh… how much he needed her with him.

You can taste her, can't you? She's already on your tongue. Take her.

He breathed deep, ignoring the voice that scratched annoyingly at the back of his head. He should position her back to the way she had been, it would be easier to control his youkai if he did. But he could feel her breath through his white tee as she snuggled closer to him.

Fuck, she's cute.

And willing.

Who was he kidding? Despite the sickening shit his youkai whispered to him, he wasn't going to push her away.

He didn't fucking want to.

"Can we just… talk about stuff?" she asked, her voice breaking through the battle going on in his head. He could smell the beginning of her tears, the added salt to her other scents.

"Yeah," he huffed. At this point he'd agree to do anything to keep her from crying again. "What do you want to talk about?"

She bit her lip again, she was doing that a lot. He wanted to bite that lip. Not bad, but just… nip at it. Gently. He stifled another growl, stifled the instinctive possessiveness that surged up inside him.

"I don't know," she finally said, relaxing a bit more against him and letting out a heavy sigh before adding: "you're warm." Her heartbeat was calm and steady, despite the arousal he smelled.

"Course I'm warm," he said, breathing in deep. If he was going to torture himself with her scent, he might as well really torture himself. "I'm like an oven."

He felt her shake against him and realized she was giggling. "How do you even know what an oven is?"

"Keh, we had ovens back then. Granted, they weren't the fancy, electric things they are now, but all you need is a hole in the ground and some dirt to hold the heat in."

"You don't talk much about the past, you know, like about when you were little."

He frowned. It wasn't a conversation he wanted to have. It was painful, remembering how he had managed a life that was somewhat peaceful before he'd gone and fucked everything up. "You don't want to hear about that shit," he said.

"But Inuyasha, it's not every day that I get to hear what it was actually like to live back then… in the Edo, period, right? That's what the guide said."

Although it wasn't his favorite subject, he was kinda surprised she was so interested in his early life. He glanced down at her face and saw the corners of her lips pulled up.

"Keh," he said, trying not to think about how her smile made his insides feel. "It was boring."

"I don't believe you, the Edo period was one of the more exciting periods. There was a reign of peace for like, 200 years. Japan opened itself up to trade with the Americans."

He rolled his eyes before sighing long and deep. "Fine, if I tell you about some of it, will you shut up and sleep?"

"I don't want to sleep," she said, "but if you tell me about it, I'll try." It was a lame half-promise in a soft, tired voice.

Her hand moved slightly, and he struggled to keep his breathing even as her skin brushed against his. He was hyper-aware of everywhere she touched him, even through his clothes.

"I did live through the Edo period," he eventually said after gaining a bit more control of himself, "although I spent half of it inside the mirror. I was actually born near the end of the Muromachi period."

"In the 1500's?"

"Yeah, early 1500's, although I can't tell you the exact date. The Edo period began about one-hundred years later."

Kagome nodded against his chest, "Yeah, 1603, if I remember from history class correctly."

He couldn't help the slow chuckle that rumbled up from inside him. "History class, huh?" he said.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"Dunno. The thought of you sitting in school with a bunch of other kids learning about my time period, I guess." He shrugged; "For the most part I watched from the mirror as the Edo period passed me by. You're right that once the Americans arrived, things became more exciting. There was a lot of protest and activism fighting against Japan opening its trade to the American ships."

"Mmm," she agreed, "there's a famous poem that was written at that time, I think it went something like: 'It is disgusting, the agitation over thread…' but I can't remember the rest…"

"By the silkworm farmer, yeah."

"You know of it?"

He shrugged again, "I had a lot of disposable time. I did a lot of reading. The poem goes: 'It is disgusting, the agitation over thread in today's world. Ever since the ships from foreign countries came for the jeweled silkworm cocoons to the land of the gods and the Emperor, People's hearts, awesome though they are, are being pulled apart-"

"-and consumed by rage," she finished for him, tilting her chin up to catch his eyes. "It's weird that you can recite poetry."

"Weird? It's weird that you study that time as if it was so long ago," he replied, eyebrow raised.

"Wasn't it?" she asked, eyes locked on his, "so long ago?

Inuyasha thought about it for a moment. "Guess so, although maybe because I lived it, it doesn't seem like it's been that long?" He frowned, his vision blurring slightly as his mind wandered to his past. It was still clear as day to him. His mother's voice. The little hut they shared together. Even the few memories of his father were like sharp movies in his head, playing over and over again. "Or maybe because of my youkai, time just doesn't seem to pass by like it does for you…? Anyway, it was a pretty bloody time for humans, both with civil war and with youkai roaming freely. In my home though… I mean, it was pretty peaceful, I guess."

"Who was human? Your mom or your dad?"

He guessed there was no real reason not to talk about his parents, even though it left a sour taste in his mouth. "...My mom," he eventually admitted. "I think that, in our circumstance, it was peaceful because I was somewhat isolated from both humans and youkai. There are other hanyou, with one parent human and other youkai, but not many. So few that I've only seen a handful of others over the years. We're looked down on from both full-blooded humans and full-blooded youkai. We're an abomination, you know? Not meant to be. My mother knew this instantly, which is why we lived separately from others."

"...I don't think you're an abomination."

"Yeah, well, I'm one of the lucky ones," he said. "Some of them have the ugly parts of youkai, mixed in with less human traits. Not all of them turn out as pretty as I am." He grinned when Kagome rolled her eyes at him, secretly relieved that some of her typical playfulness was coming through. "But despite that, it's still true. I'm still an abomination. Hated due to my strength and... otherworldliness, I guess, by full humans. Hated due to my humanness by full youkai."

Being born was almost a death sentence for him, and it was certainly so for his mother. It didn't help that hiding his ears was almost impossible. Covering them for too long left them aching and sore. Usually caused a headache.

"They wouldn't hate you if they knew you."

He feigned indifference. "Keh. They don't want to get to know me. They don't want me around."

"That's terrible," Kagome said.

Inuyasha raised his eyebrow, locking his eyes to hers. He tried to detect some sort of hint that she was being insincere, but… there was none. He'd been forced to spend so much time with her, he knew she didn't say things she didn't mean. But he was still surprised that she meant it.

"You know," he said, "I actually believe you think so."

She pushed herself off his chest and winced, her hand coming up to touch her neck. "Of course I think so," she said. She seemed irate that he'd accuse her of anything else. "What do you take me for?"

"I take you for human." Because even though she was different, even though he'd seen her kindness time and time again, even though, despite the fact that her friends had tricked her into handing him over to Kikyou, she had run back to him. Desperately tried to save him. Even though all of that happened, she was still human. And humans still thought lesser of hanyou, just as youkai did.

"Is that why you called me racist back at the museum?" she guessed.

Right on the mark. "Why would I think you'd be any different?"

"You can't generalize all humans as the same. It's natural to fear things we don't know. But I... I know you."

He felt heat slowly inch its way up his neck. "Keh," he said, looking away from her. "You don't know me."

"I do too," she insisted. "I know a lot about you."

"Oh yeah?" he couldn't help himself, "Like what?"

She turned so she could get a better look at him, then hesitated.

...What the hell was she going to say? He didn't want to admit it, he tried hard not to think about it, but it was fucking impossible not to wonder what she actually thought of him.

"I know you loved her. I know that you weren't to blame for her death."

It was a punch to his gut.

He struggled to keep himself in check, clenched his teeth against his initial reaction, his back stiffening. She didn't have to say that bitch's name, it was obvious who she was talking about.

"Yeah?" he growled, instead of getting up and leaving, which is what he really wanted to do. "Why do you say that?"

She blinked up at him, wide-eyed and innocent, as if she didn't fucking know what she was saying, as if she didn't know what she was doing to his insides. "Kaede told me what happened."

"Kaede needs to keep her mouth shut," he spat, "old hag." It was none of Kaede's fucking business, going around and running her mouth like that. His history was his alone. It wasn't hers to tell.

"If you're going to be mad, be mad at me." Kagome's lashes dropped to cover her gaze, as if embarrassed. "I'm the one who asked about it. Besides, she doesn't think you were to blame either."

"Keh, she didn't tell you the whole story then, because she lead the mob that chased me away from the village." He could see it clear as day even now. Kaede had been much younger, her hair inky black to match her sister's. She held a torch of her own, her eyes accusatory and filled with hate, ready to burn him alive for something he hadn't even done.

"No, she told me. But she realized when Kikyou cursed her, and she saw what happened to you, how you were basically a slave to her whims… She understood that you weren't the one that killed her all those years ago."

...Well, he hadn't known that. He'd always assumed that Kaede just didn't care anymore after being cursed by her own sister. He always assumed that she still harbored a hatred for him, deep down inside, just like all humans did. Still, did it matter? There was no changing anything. He couldn't go back in time and save Kikyou from being brutally murdered, just like he couldn't go back in time and save his mother from the same fate.

He huffed his aggravation. It was just another reason for him to keep his distance from Kagome as best he could while collecting the shards. If she got close to him, really close to him like his mom or Kikyou had, she would ultimately end up the same, wouldn't she?

Isn't that how they all ended up?

Dead?

"Hey," she said, surprising him by reaching up to touch his chin. She pulled gently, drawing his gaze down towards her. "You didn't believe me before, but believe me now: I don't think you're bad or evil because of the youkai part of you. I'm not afraid of you."

Her touch sent shivers down his back. It was impossibly light against his skin as she traced the line of his jaw and tucked a strand of hair behind his shoulder that had fallen forward.

"Kagome-" he started, needing to warn her about how she touched him. About the things it did to him. If she knew… if she really knew...

"I'm not," she insisted, misunderstanding him. "You keep saving my life over and over again. If I owe you anything, it's my trust." She smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes. "Don't get me wrong, I understand it's because I'm more useful to you alive than dead, but-"

He pushed at her hand, shifting his chin away from her touch. It was maddening, that she was correct but also very, very not correct. "Enough," he said, irritated that he couldn't let her keep talking even though he desperately wanted her to, irritated that her words made him feel shit he didn't want to fucking feel. "Sleep."

She opened her mouth as if to protest, but closed it again.

Thank Gods.

"Fine," she finally said, turning back around and leaning against him again. He rested his elbows against his knees which drew the fire rat coat higher over her head, creating a sort of cocoon around her.

It took a while. Every once in awhile he could sense she wanted to ask him something else, but he stubbornly kept his eyes on the mouth of the cave. Eventually, she dozed off.

"Idiot," he whispered down at her as she slept, "of course you're more useful alive."

Inuyasha sat and watched the sky outside of the cave. While hauling an unconscious Kagome around, the landscape had changed again, the forest ground rising higher and higher into steep cliffs. The cave he'd sussed out wasn't too high up, but it was high up enough that there was no way he wouldn't be able to hear anyone climbing up to check them out. It faced away from the center of the Wolf Territory, which meant building a fire would probably go unnoticed. Now he hoped it would be their last long resting place before they were able to haul-ass again to gather the jewel shard.

He tried not to think about the fact that Kagome had originally pointed straight to the heart of Wolf Territory, which meant, inevitably, that he would have to get into the thick of them. There would be no way around a fight. Multiple, most likely. It would be no problem without Kagome. He'd be able to move freely without having to worry about what was happening to her. But he wouldn't be able to find the shards without her, so going in alone would be meaningless.

...Could he fight with her on her back? He doubted it. Especially with how many wolves congregated at the center. They'd be overrun, and having her on his back would slow down his reaction time.

It was not a good situation. There was no easy answer, no clear path he could take. At least not one he could think of.

Kagome mumbled in her sleep, dreaming again.

His ears twitched as he heard the familiar sound of the runt scrambling up the small cliffside. Moments later his little hand reached inside to pull himself in. He was dragging four or five very dead rabbits behind him.

"I got dinner!" he exclaimed. "That trick you told me about works! I can hunt now!" He puffed out his chest and dropped the rabbits by the almost-extinguished fire. "Awww, she's asleep again?" he whined when he got no reaction from Kagome.

"Oi, shut up, it took her forever to doze off," Inuyasha berated as quietly as he could. His lip curled up as Shippou approached them. "What did I tell you about getting too close, runt?" he snarled.

"Hey, not fair, Kagome said you can't eat me."

"Kagome's asleep, she can't stop me."

"Well, it's boring out there and I want to talk to Kagome and make sure she's okay."

"She's okay. Stop being annoying."

"I'm not annoying!" he stomped his foot, "And how do I know you're telling the truth?"

"If she wasn't doing okay, you'd be dead," he snarled, trying his best to get his point across without waking Kagome. "It's your fucking fault she almost died."

His eyes welled up with tears. "It's not my fault, it's not! I didn't know a Naraku youkai would show up! I didn't know she would follow after me!"

"You. Shot. Me. With. A. Fucking. Arrow."

"It was just a trick!"

"I nearly ripped my own heart out!"

"It's not my fault you're dumb!" He took another step forward, but hesitated again when he saw Inuyasha's face.

He would murder the kit if he took one more step, Kagome's reaction be damned. He was in his cave, approaching what belonged to him. His youkai had resurfaced, brooding and ready to strike.

Mine, it seethed.

Mine!

"F-f-fine," the fox said, holding his hands up and taking another step back. "I promised to stay outside until night time anyway, I'll keep my promise!" he stuck his tongue out at Inuyasha.

"See that you do," he growled as the kit crawled back out of the cave.

"I'll do another sweep for wolves, just make sure you tell Kagome how brave I am when she wakes up!" he called over the lip as he scurried off again.

Inuyasha kept close tabs on the runt until satisfied that he was far enough away and occupied. He glanced down at Kagome. She was dead asleep, her lips parted, her breath whiffing against his shirt. It was fucking annoying that he couldn't just deal with the runt as he saw fit and he had the sinking suspicion that she was not going to allow them to leave him behind. It was already a rough journey, he didn't want her to be distracted, because distracted meant dead. She already almost died once saving the little shit. It wasn't going to happen again.

It was a few hours until he was relaxed enough to doze off himself. Sleep had been sparse for him over the past week, dealing with the runt and trying to keep Kagome alive. Now that she was out of the woods and seemed to be healing well, he needed all the sleep he could get.

A breeze whiffed in through the mouth of the cave, bringing with it the threat of winter.

Kagome moved.

It was slight, but something about it caught his attention, even in his sleep. It was a change in the way she was breathing, an irregular thump of her heartbeat. She moved again. Her thighs rubbed together.

He could smell it.

Inuyasha's eyes snapped open, immediately awake. "Shit," he hissed, opening his arms to see better what the hell she thought she was doing.

Asleep. She was still fucking asleep. "Oi, Kagome, wake up." He gave her a little shake.

Her half moan, half sigh was heavy and wet in his ears. She mumbled his name, her hand at his side moving unconsciously, tracing the muscle that ran from his hip straight to his-

"Oi, Wake up!" he growled, grabbing at her hand before she could touch it.

Her arousal filled his nose, her eyes slowly blinking open, hooded with sleep. She moved against him, her breathing short and uneven as the hand he wasn't holding moved - Consciously? Unconsciously? - up underneath his shirt and traced slow, lazy, searing hot patterns on his abdomen.

His youkai reared up from its own slumber, pressing against the wall that held it at bay.

Mine.

"Hey," he panted half-heartedly, wrestling to control his youkai. His voice came out heavy and ragged, just like his brain felt. Was she crazy? What the fuck was she dreaming about? He should move away. He should.

Mark her.

"Stop," he whimpered, not sure if he was talking to his youkai or Kagome.

Don't fucking stop! he pleaded on the inside, betraying everything he was fighting against.

Her fingers felt amazing.

He didn't want to, he shouldn't, but he closed his eyes and loosened his grip on her hand. It slipped through his fingers. She murmured something he didn't catch because he was so fucking distracted, but he felt her push his shirt up his torso, slow and lazy. She turned her head, her nose and lips running lightly across his chest before planting feverish kisses on his skin, his name falling from her lips between each one. He kept his eyes closed, gritting his teeth against his youkai. She dropped his shirt and wrapped her arms around him, placed a wet, heated kiss at the base of his throat.

"Ah! Fuck!" he growled, eyes snapping open again as she moved those impossibly soft lips up towards his chin, her hands moving into his hair, pulling him down towards her.

His eyes met hers. They were heavy and dark, glazed with her sleep. Did she know what she was doing or was she still half submerged in her dream?

"You saved me, she whispered inches away from his own lips, voice quivering and throaty, "you always save me. Even in my dreams…"

"You're still dreaming," he growled, desperate to close the impossibly small distance between them.

"Then kiss me," she insisted.

She didn't wait for him to decide. Her lips were on his. Tentatively. Cautiously. Just as fragile as they had been before.

The heat in his lower abdomen ached, pooling together and urging him on along with his youkai.

He should pull away.

...He needed to pull away.

But fuck she tasted amazing, her lips calling to him, drawing him in. They became hungry, and with a deep, guttural growl, he pulled her around to him, her legs straddling his hips. He could feel her heat through the flimsy pajama fabric; he could fucking smell it as it gathered there, drooling for the one thing he really, really wanted to give her.

"Inuyasha," she breathed as he kissed her, as his fingers drifted down her belly, his palms trailing the swell of her hips. "Touch me," she pleaded, the words soft. Needy.

He obeyed, growling out her name, licking and nipping at her bottom lip.

This was bad. This was really fucking bad. But fuck, he wanted her, and it was so, so easy to give in as she urged him on along with his youkai.

His fingers dipped below the elastic of her pajama bottoms, his claw ripping the bandage at her hip.

The last time he'd felt her like this… the last time he'd been able to touch her in this way had been back at the slayer's house, on the roof, with the early morning light quickly rising to trap him. It was so fucking long ago, he would go insane if he couldn't taste her now. His youkai would drive him mad.

She pressed all her weight down on him, pressed her hot, wet middle onto the bulge straining from his jeans.

He hissed, 'Fuck, ah, Kagome," and moved with her, forgetting his hands for a moment as the friction sent jolt after jolt of euphoria straight to his center.

"Please, I need you," she begged. Eyes dark and hooded, she brought her hand up to cup his cheek before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer, her bound breasts pressing up against him. "I need you to touch me," she said between hot, searing kisses, kisses that made it hard to fucking think. "If you don't," she whimpered, and he saw the water in her eyes, felt her shaking hands tangled desperately in his hair, "I'll die." She kissed him again.

It was like ice water splashing in his face. A hard slap square against his jaw. Slowly he pulled back, his bottom lip the last to touch her skin.

What are you doing, fool? Take her. Take her!

Agonizingly slow, he untangled himself from her. First his arms, then his legs, gently pushing her to the side so he could get some space between them. He shook, almost uncontrollably with still-unleashed need and sat back, folding his legs and pressing his palms into his eyes. "Fuck, Kagome…" he drawled, long and heavy and aggravated. "Fuck," he lifted his head to look at her, "we can't."

She was on her knees, her eyes wide but still wet with unleashed tears, skin flushed red with her own desire. Desire that he could still fucking smell. Desire that still drove him crazy. What was he thinking, taking advantage of her in this situation? She almost died. Everything she felt right now was magnified. It wasn't fucking real.

Not to mention they had already decided they weren't going to fucking do this, and all it took was a little push from her to make him fucking crack open and give in.

Goddammit.

"But why?" she asked, voice quivering. "I'm not-"

"Why?" he growled. He didn't want to sound angry. He didn't want to scare her, but fuck, it was impossible for him to feel anything other than longing or anger, and right now acting on his longing was out of the question. "Why? Because we still don't know what this is. We know this isn't normal, it's not okay, it smells like a fucking trap for both of us. It's ridiculous that despite telling ourselves not to touch each other that we can't fucking stand not to."

"Inuyasha, it's not to trap you."

"I know you're not trying to trap me, but don't think for a second this sort of sick trap isn't something Kikyou would do, dammit, we've talked about this already! And that's not even taking into consideration my youkai, who is constantly demanding I take you, even if you don't want it. Understand?"

"But the way I feel… the way you make me feel right now-"

"And that's just it, isn't it?" he snapped, "the way you feel right now. You almost died tonight. Twice. Your feelings are amplified - way more fucking amplified than how we normally feel - which isn't fucking normal." He watched her tears spill over her lashes. It made him sick that his words were hurting her like that, but the idea of letting himself feel like he had with Kikyou again… "One of us has to enforce what we decided. It was the right choice to make."

"When you kissed me earlier, I-"

"Kagome, I'm not your human boyfriend, okay?" He watched her eyes widen in shock.

Her hand came up to cover her mouth.

"I'm not human," he continued, "I'm hanyou. I'm youkai. I can never be your human-fucking-boyfriend. Even if-" his chest squeezed painfully on the inside and he fought not to let it show on his face, "even if what we're feeling isn't some sick trap that gets us killed, even if we were able to have some sort of relationship, I'm not normal. I'm a fucking youkai trapped in a fucking mirror. I have to use the jewel to free myself from Kikyou, and do you know what that means? It means turning full youkai. It's the only way I'll be strong enough to actually be rid of her. It's the only way I can be free."

"But-"

"You don't want a fucking youkai as a boyfriend, Kagome. When this is over, you're going back to your family and your going back to school and you'll go on your field trips with your friends and you'll date some kid in your class - but not Hojou, you can't fucking date that bastard - and you'll live a normal human life, and I'll be able to live my life the way I want to, on my terms."

Her whole body quivered with unleashed emotion. She drew her brows together, her jaw locking in determination. She leaned towards him, reaching her hand out to him. "I don't care what you turn into, Inuyasha, I lo-"

He lunged forward and pressed his hand against her mouth, cutting off her words.

"Don't. Say it," he growled. "Don't fucking say it, because you don't know what the fuck you're talking about." He lifted his fingers slightly and she took in a breath to speak again. He pressed back onto her mouth. "Let me be very clear, Kagome," he said, his chest squeezing, squeezing, squeezing, so tight his heart would pop. "I don't want your feelings. I don't want to feel this way. I cannot say it any clearer. Do not make this journey harder than it has to be, do you understand?"

Don't look at me like that, he pleaded inside, her eyes expressing all the torment he knew she was feeling. Slowly he pulled his hand away, and this time her mouth stayed shut. His arm dropped to the side, and he stood up. Took a few steps back. "I'll stay out here for tonight so you can get some rest - don't worry," he added as her mouth opened to reply, "I'll be back inside before the sun rises."

With that, he turned and moved towards the mouth of the cave. But… He paused, turned his head slightly so she was sure to hear him.

"Don't leave the cave," he growled his warning to her, "you're injured. I'll be close by if anything happens, but don't fucking make me come looking for you. You're safe in here."

He jumped down the small cliff and landed on the sloping forest floor before leaping up into the branches. He had to escape, had to get away before she spoke. He couldn't let her words sway him, because for whatever fucking reason it was too easy. He had to get far enough away that he couldn't smell her. Her scent was intoxicating. He couldn't think clearly, and he couldn't act the way he knew he needed to when he was around her and she smelled like that.

Had she really been about to say it? Had she been willing to utter such permanent, damaging, terrifying words?

What the hell was she thinking? He was the last person that she should… that she should feel anything for, lust aside.

He had to get rid of the urge pumping through him, he had to release himself because otherwise he would head straight back to the cave and push her against the wall and-

Fuck! he screamed on the inside, finally finding a spot far enough away from the cave so that he could no longer smell her arousal.

So he could no longer smell her tears.

.

.

See you all next Sunday! :)

~SugarRos