Author's Note: Hello everyone, hope you are all doing well. Thank you for your patience with this chapter, I appreciate it! I just got a puppy, a Great Pyrenees mix breed, and he's a handful right now. Every time I try to write he's chewing the couch or chewing the table or chewing my fingers or toes… :| ...send help!
No, but seriously, he's awesome, just time-consuming. I'm happy I was able to get this chapter to you only a week late, haha. Hope you enjoy!
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to kclinda, who was my 1,050'th reviewer for YITM! Thank you so much kclinda, it was so fun to read your reviews as you power-read through! :) I really appreciate you reading and commenting, it means a lot to me!
Awesome Betas: Pentheseileia, Not_Towa_Wakasa, Noir, Youngimoo
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Chapter 54: As Essential As The Sun
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Inuyasha
He ran, the night air whipping past his face and pulling at his hair as he pushed himself faster and faster. His wounded back was nothing but a dull ache, throbbing the same rhythm as his chest.
Inuyasha ran until he reached the border. And then he froze.
The tips of his toes were millimeters away, and his fingers twitched in anticipation. To move even an inch would take him out of Wolf Territory. That inch seemed to grow wider, to stretch on forever. It expanded, overtaking his whole vision. There was nothing but himself and the forest and the barrier before him.
Step over the fucking line, he told himself. His ears flicked. His fingers twitched. Still, he kept to where he stood.
He had promised he would leave if Kagome were happy and taken care of. He had resigned himself to his fate - having to deal with Kikyou on his own. He had resigned that he would keep to himself. Would keep the worst of himself cut off from the world. As he was now, he couldn't trust his youkai, even out from under the priestesses' thumb.
The only option was to leave, forget the jewel, maybe hunt Kikyou down where she was hiding out and kill her before she saw him coming.
But first he had to step over the line.
So do it then.
And yet, his feet stayed planted. Solid. On the wrong side of the border.
Fucking do it, or you'll never leave.
The territory line was invisible, but to Inuyasha it was anything but. It might as well have been a wall of stone blocking his way, rising up to the sky, impenetrable and unyielding.
He cursed, turned, and gazed back into Wolf Territory. He flicked his ears. Nothing but the usual night critters, which meant no one was coming after him. ...She wasn't coming after him. In his exhaustion, he couldn't decide if it was a good or bad thing.
He sniffed the air. The moisture level was high, and - yeah, goddammit, there it was - the first few droplets of rain started to fall down from the sky.
Things could not get any worse. His mind was fuzzy and a deep ache had begun to twist inside of him, one he couldn't explain. It ripped brutally at his insides.
He just wanted to sleep.
The sprinkle of rain patted down gently on top of his head as he stood there, indecisive. He didn't want to fucking think anymore. He wanted it all over with. He wanted to have his freedom and escape from everything and just fucking bury himself away, to be engulfed again by his loneliness, because, well, what else had he expected, as a hanyou?
It was always going to be his fate, despite how hard he'd tried to change it. Not accepted by one or the other, never safe or at home in one place. In fact, the only person… the only person who he trusted...
His heart beat loudly in his chest. You can't fucking stand here forever, you idiot.
The wooded area he stood in was flat, the trees thick and tall, reaching up into the night sky. The branches and leaves bobbed up and down as the drizzle turned to rain, falling faster and faster until it started to soak into his hair, plastering his bangs against his forehead.
You're pathetic.
He reached up and wiped his bangs away from his face, flicking his ears to keep the water out of them. The rain seemed to clear his thoughts, if only slightly. He needed to rest for a bit. He'd have to trek back farther into Wolf Territory in order to find another cave, and fuck if he wanted to risk running into a wolf again. Crossing over the border was apparently not going to fucking happen. Not tonight.
He didn't need his youkai to let him know he was a total fool this time.
It was pouring now. The rain was a sheet of water, thick and heavy, like his brain. ...Rest. He just needed to rest for a bit.
The nearest tree was to his left. It stood tall and strong near the edge of a small clearing, and he walked over and stood and the base, looking up into the branches. The tree made for a decent shelter, good enough for a quick break, anyway, until the rain eased up and his insides weren't ripping apart so much… Then he'd cross the border and find somewhere to hide out before the sun rose.
He lept up into the tree, his back screaming as his muscles pulled and stretched. Fucking magic-induced wounds, they're always such a bitch to heal, he thought.
Higher and higher he climbed until he felt he was a good enough distance from the ground, on a thick enough branch that was wide and as comfortable as it could be. He sat back against the trunk and gathered his hair to one side, wringing it out as much as he could.
He shivered. His firerat coat was drenched. Did he even have the strength to take that off too? ...Fuck, I have to. Be warmer without it. He straightened up and began to remove it.
Hell, he was tired. Exhaustion had crept up on him, swimming at the edges of his vision as he slipped the thick, red fabric from his shoulder.
He was so… damn... tired…
Just a few minutes to close his eyes, to catch his breath, to wait out the rain, and then he would run. He would get up the courage to leave Kagome behind. He would come back to check on her periodically, he knew, every few years, just to make sure she was living a life she wanted.
He could at least afford himself that.
His eyes drifted shut, his breathing deep and slow, the pounding of his heart easing. He could almost hear Kagome's voice, calling out to him in the dark, through the rain. He could almost hear her searching for him.
Wishful fucking thinking, was the last thought he had, before he slipped back into deep unconsciousness.
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Kagome
"Get off of me!" Kagome cried, shoving Kouga away from her as hard as she could. He let go, but his feet stayed planted where they were. Damn him and his youkai strength.
"Kagome," he began.
She backed away. "Take me down."
"Do you think you're going to find him out there?"
"Take me down, Kouga!"
"You won't be able to see your hand in front of your face, much less find your dog."
"Kouga!" she shouted, ripping the fur he'd placed around her shoulders earlier and flinging it to the ground. Her hands fisted and quivered at her sides. Her eyes watered, but she refused to let them fall. "Let me down!" She could hear the hushed whispers of the wolf clan behind her, could feel their gaze on her. Even the few she'd semi-befriended were among the crowd.
Yeah, feast your eyes on the crazy human girl, she thought bitterly, all in good fun.
Kouga opened his mouth as if to argue, then shut it. He growled, then relented, scooping her up and leaping off the cliff ledge. They landed softly, and she wiggled her way out of his arms and immediately headed into the pitch-black woods.
"You can't even see, let me-"
"Don't follow me!" she called over her shoulder, pushing her way through the trees in the direction she was sure Inuyasha had run off in.
She heard sound behind her and turned to tell Kouga off again, but no one was there. For a moment, she thought she was hearing things, but the sound came again, and her ears darted down to the forest floor. Shippou emerged from the dark and came up next to her. He put his little hands on her leg, head tilted back, eyes wide. "Kagome, are you okay?"
Kagome felt her bottom lip quiver and set her jaw to put a stop to it. She nodded. "Help me look if you want," she said. It was all she could say without completely breaking down into a useless, heaping mess.
It was only minutes later, as the two of them searched side-by-side, that it became obvious Kouga was right. Kagome couldn't see anything. Darkness pressed around her. And even little Shippou, with his youkai-eyes was having trouble. He seemed nervous, like he didn't know what to make of her, like he was worried about how she was behaving.
But she couldn't dwell on that right now.
If her predicament wasn't frustrating enough, it started to rain. She ignored the fat, wet droplets that splattered against the top of her head and the bridge of her nose and pressed onward, calling out Inuyasha's name, over and over again, determined that he couldn't have gone far. He wouldn't just leave her here…. Would he?
No way, she thought. No way would he abandon me. She searched and she called, ignoring the way her exposed skin trembled in the cold night air, ignoring the fact that her robes were slowly becoming soggy and began to weigh her down. Ignoring the fact that it wasn't okay for Shippou to be out here like this - he would get sick. Still, she searched and she called until her voice became hoarse. She had to have covered so much ground by now, right? She had to be out of Wolf Territory now, right?
Her knees hit dirt - now mud, really - and she held back the shuddering sob that threatened to overtake her. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't. This was just another hurdle to get over. Another misunderstanding of youkai and human, of two wildly different cultures that neither of them quite understood.
Kagome knew Inuyasha wouldn't leave her here. Not for long, anyway. The hurt in his eyes that she saw before he fled… What had he been thinking?
"Inuyasha, you jerk!" She held back her tears as her anger re-surfaced. She wanted to punch something, to destroy something, anything, so that she could show the world how she felt on the inside.
She heard movement behind her and turned, hoping-
But no, the shadow that towered over her was different, although immediately recognizable.
"What?" she asked.
"You've searched long enough, don't you think?"
"Leave me alone, Kouga."
"You're exhausted. I can smell it on you."
"I'm not," she insisted, but her legs wouldn't move to help her back on her feet.
"Well, if you won't stop for you, then how about for your kit? He's miserable." He paused. "I like that you're stubborn, it will make you a strong leader. But a good leader also knows when to give up."
"I'm not a leader!"
She heard him huff, and silence stretched between them. The only sound was the rain, which had turned into more of a downpour if she was being honest. It silenced everything, except the pounding of her heart. The quiet between them lasted so long that she thought for a moment Kouga had left, but before she could turn her head to check, he was behind her, sweeping her up into his arms.
"Kouga!" She tried to punch him, but she couldn't see shit and he was quick. He slipped his head out of the way with ease, and she could see his flash of white teeth as his lips parted in a grin. It just made her want to punch him more. "Stop carrying me everywhere!" She tried to struggle against his hold like she normally did, but her strength had been sapped from her. She only managed a limp wiggle.
"Just stay still," he said, eyes glowing in the dark. " I won't let you waste away out here, all wet cold. You're soaked."
"I have to find him," she persisted.
"Tomorrow."
"I have to-"
"Tomorrow," he growled, shutting her down.
She bit at her bottom lip, despite the raw skin there, felt the numbness in her legs and arms, the weight of her eyelids. And dammit, she craved the warmth Kouga's body was giving off. Just like Inuyasha, his temperature seemed to run at a higher degree than hers did, and she struggled not to curl up closer into it, something she would have had no problem doing if it were Inuyasha carrying her now.
But fine. Tomorrow it was. No way was she going to find him tonight anyway, not with the rain, in the cold, or even in the dark, with Shippou's help. Besides, tomorrow meant something significant. Tomorrow meant-
The sun. The thought echoed through her head as she began to relax in Kouga's arms. He was taking his time, and the rhythm of his gait was lulling her to sleep. The sun meant Inuyasha would be trapped, and if there was one thing that was true, he wouldn't be able to avoid the sun forever.
It was the last thought she had before her eyelids drifted closed and awareness of her surroundings faded away.
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"Kagome!"
She groaned and rolled over, pulling the furs over her head. She was sore. And she was tired. Not quite warm from the pouring rain she'd been in last night. The water had soaked down to her bones and a chill had settled in that she couldn't shake.
"Kagoomeee," the voice whined, like a petulant child. She felt weight move on her stomach, little fingers gripping the fir in little fists and pulling them back. "The sun's out now."
Her eyes snapped open. Inuyasha!
Kagome heaved upwards, throwing the pelt off her head and shoulders, her heart racing. It was morning… It was morning!
"Shippou!" she cried, reaching to her lap and scooping him up to her chest. She inhaled the top of his head and squeezed him tight. "Sorry about last night."
"S'okay," he squirmed in her grip, trying to wriggle free. "Did'ja hear me that it's morning?"
"I heard," she said, releasing him and swinging her legs over the side of her bed. She rushed quickly to the mirror, which lay propped where she'd last left it against the side of the cave. She gripped the gold edges, fingers tracing the intricate letters she still couldn't decipher that encased the glass.
"Inuyasha?" she called, heart pounding in her chest.
No reply, just cold, hard surface.
"Inuyasha," she tried again, practically shoving her nose against the glass. She narrowed her eyes. "I'm leaving today and I'm not taking your mirror with me. I'm leaving you here with the wolves." If that didn't work, nothing would.
"...Kagome, I don't think he's in there anymore."
She already knew before Shippou spoke the words. No way would Inuyasha stay silent with that threat. He'd turn himself back into Kikyou's clutches before he let Kagome leave him there. Stepping back from the mirror, Kagome grit her teeth. If the sun hadn't caught him, it meant he was holed up in a cave somewhere, waiting until nightfall. She knew he wouldn't leave her here because she was the key to his freedom. It was the only thing she had to hold on to, the knowledge that Inuyasha could end up hating her with the same fiery passion he did for Kikyou, but he'd still need her close. At least until he had unrestrained control over his body.
"Shippou, I'm going to go out looking for Inuyasha. I need you to distract Kouga for me, think you can do that?"
An excited shiver shot through his little body. "Yes!" he said, hopping a few times for good measure.
Quickly, Kagome undressed and bathed, helping Shippou do the same before dressing in fresh robes and packing up a few things in her yellow, dirty bag. A fresh change of clothes, just in case, a few pieces of fruit left for her early this morning as breakfast, and the shards, tucked away and hidden from view.
"Ready?" she asked, and Shippou nodded, brows knitted together in determination. She led the way down the hall, the little fox sniffing behind her.
"Kouga's in his room," Shippou said.
"Great. I'm sure he'd love some company for breakfast."
Shippou grinned and nodded, before breaking away from her and scampering off. Kagome watched him as he disappeared around the bend, worried, just as she was worried over everything, about his future. She'd already decided she wasn't leaving him here, with the apathetic attitude the wolves seemed to have concerning his well-being. That meant he was going to be in her charge from now on.
Taking Shippou home with her after this was all over, back to her home and her family and friends, was probably not going to work. If you end up home at all, she thought begrudgingly, fully aware that her chance of dying before all of this was over was high. She supposed, if anything, she could make Inuyasha promise to find him a safe haven - maybe track down some other fox youkai who would be willing to take him in?
With that thought in mind, Kagome made her way towards the outer edge of the cave, where the pelt-drying station was set up. She knew Kazue would be there. His work usually started before daybreak in order to get the fresh pelts ready to soak up as much sun as possible.
Kazue was handsome, in his own way. A bit on the skinny side, he was lanky and tall, his shaggy blonde hair streaked from spending so much time out in the sun, his tanned skin a darker color than most of the others. His eyes were a light gold, like pale tea, his nose a bit too large for his face, bulbose and crooked. He'd told her on the first day they met that it had been broken a few times when he was challenged by others in the tribe.
Kazue was nice, and he didn't seem to mind her company. He also didn't talk much. Kagome would count on him keeping to himself throughout the day and hope she was up and out early enough that most wouldn't see her slip out on her search.
The pelts were already hung by the time she reached the station, fresh blood drying against the skin. She wrinkled her nose as she swept by them, head darting over her shoulder to make sure no one paid her any attention.
The outcropping over the mesa was practically empty, most still in their own caves eating breakfast. Lucky her.
Kazue was bent over a pile of furs, which were ready to be moved to the next process, counting them. He grunted as she approached. "Up early."
She smiled. "I was hoping you'd be able to help me down. I'd like a morning walk."
He snorted. "Don't think I wasn't there to witness the show last night."
"Ah," Kagome said, feeling her heart plummet, "yeah, that's my life - everyone's source of entertainment." She sighed. "You caught me. I'm going to look for Inuyasha. While I walk, of course."
He straightened out and gazed down at her, his eyes just as piercing as she found most youkai to be. "Kouga know about this?"
"Of course," she said too quickly.
"You're a terrible liar." His gaze moved to his pelts and back to her again, calculating. "Well, you've managed to live this long side-by-side with your dog," he said, placing the same emphasis on the slur as all the wolves seemed to do, "so I won't say no. But don't come running to me when Kouga wants to bite your head off."
"He gave me permission." It was technically the truth. Hadn't he said last night that she could search for Inuyasha tomorrow? Well, now it was tomorrow. Not a lie.
"Hm," was the only reply she got as he brushed by her and led the way to the edge of the overhang. He said nothing as he scooped her up and lept down, once, then twice, dropping her on her feet.
"Thank you," she said.
"Just don't get yourself killed. Otherwise Kouga will have my head instead." And just as quickly as he'd brought her down, he was gone, and it was Kagome and the awakening forest around her.
She steeled herself against the day, shifting her pack on her shoulders before heading into the thicket of trees.
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Inuyasha
His mother sat under a tree, humming a tune. Her thick, black hair was pinned and placed in perfection, just like the piles of kimono that she wore. They fanned out around her, and she was sorting the wildflowers that Inuyasha brought to her. The tune she hummed was sad. It was the one that she said reminded her of his father. But despite the sadness, Inuyasha loved that tune. It was pretty. His mother always had a pretty voice.
He leaned down to pick up another handful of flowers, his short, chubby fingers gripping the stems too tightly. He frowned, knowing he was supposed to be practicing controlling his strength, but it was really hard. Still, his mother would want the flowers, so he took them back to her. He got to his hands and knees and placed the flowers in the pile, smiling up at her.
She reached out and tucked him against her side, humming still, and he snuggled into her kimono.
"You always bring me the prettiest flowers," she said. "Someday, when you find your mate, you are going to make her very happy."
Inuyasha frowned. He didn't want a mate. Girls were gross, he wasn't going to do anything with a girl. He shook his head. No. He wanted to stay here. Here, he was warm.
He would stay here forever.
"Are you tired?" his mother asked. "You should take a nap, little one."
His eyes closed, and he began to float as he drifted off, his body light and airy, safe and warm, he was wrapped in warmth.
It was bliss.
It was a dream, all around him, in the air he breathed, in the breeze that fluttered across his skin... And goddammit, he could feel himself waking up.
...He didn't want to. He wanted to hold onto that warmth, that dream, that all-encompassing glow that he could practically feel.
Inuyasha's eyes fluttered open, his vision hazy. He was slumped up against the same thick tree trunk, his arms resting in his lap, where his firerat coat lay. Huh. Stopped raining, he thought. His white, ripped shirt still clung to him, but the sound of pattering rain had dissipated. On his skin, shadows danced, the spaces around them sparkling and bright.
...Bright.
...Way too bright.
His back stiffened. His eyes widened.
He dared not move, watching the patterns of leaves and sun on his skin. Skin that was warm. Actually warm, like the touch of heat off a licking fire, like a warm body pressed up against him. And it smelled like daytime. The air around him, the birds, the trees, the wind through the canopy, he could fucking feel it. He raised a shaking hand up in front of his face, raised it up above him, his eyes flicking up to the sky. He moved his hand over the sun, his breath hitching in wonderment as it filtered through his skin. Bright red at the edges of his fingertips, he could see the sun through them.
How long had it been, since he'd experienced the sun?
Water slipped from his eyes. He blinked them back, his hands snapping down to feel at his torso, at his legs, at his back. Nothing was amiss, and his back had almost healed all the way. So why then? Why?
Why…?
Slowly, he moved his feet underneath him, sniffing at the wind as it stirred, crouching on the branch he'd fallen asleep on. He gazed down at the forest floor. The layer of fern growing at the base of the tree was a vivid green, the shrubbery even more so.
I'm dead, he thought. I was slaughtered by the wolves in my sleep and I'm fucking dead.
He gazed down into the clearing, where the air seemed to sparkle, light dancing off lazy insect wings as they darted and hovered. He could see it all. He lowered himself down, one branch at a time, his firerat coat slung over his shoulder.
Inch-by-inch he lowered himself, bits of sun and shadow lapping at his skin.
His toes touched the earth and he stood, the air around him expanding further than he could ever remember before his entrapment. He took a step. Then another. Slowly, he moved into the clearing and stepped out fully into the sun.
It was euphoric on his skin. Intoxicating. He was delirious from it as he took another step. Then another. He didn't stop until he was in the center, his feet crushing a spring of bright, violet wildflowers, the full brunt of the rays beating down on him. He lifted his chin, inhaled, his eyes fluttering shut.
There was light behind his lids. No more darkness. He dropped his firerat coat, raised his arms just a bit, soaking it in as much as he could. He let it wash over him.
Kagome… she must have broken the mirror spell, somehow… but… Impossible. It was impossible. The spell couldn't have been broken, not without a completed jewel. Not with Kikyou still alive.
Had she… collected the jewel somehow? Had she defeated Kikyou while he lay captured by the wolves?
There was no way. No way it could have happened. So then… so then…
"Inuyasha." His name was a whisper, falling past her lips. He opened his eyes and tilted his head.
She stood at the edge of the clearing, eyes full, mouth open. Her hand came up to cover her lips.
He hadn't even noticed she'd snuck up on him, so distracted by the feeling of the sun, something so essential that he had lived without for so long… But of course she was there. Of course she was. Since the moment she'd first drawn him from the mirror she'd been there. Always there. Annoyingly there. He opened his mouth to tell her what he wanted to say. To tell her everything.
Everything.
It came out in the form of her name.
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See you soon!
~SugarRos
