Author's Note: Hi everyone, thank you for your patience! Finals are done, work is picking back up again, and I'm still trying my best to get these chapters out to you. I hope you're all doing well in quarantine.
Amazing Beta: Pentheseileia
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Chapter 56: Soul Before Skin
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Inuyasha
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"I love you."
She kissed him, and her lips were velvet. They always had been.
His mind was instantly back to gazing at her in the museum as she had spun around in front of his mirror, joking with herself, not knowing what was laying for her in wait behind the glass. He was back to the rooftop of the slayers' house - her eyes just as fearful as they were curious about what he was ready to do to her. She was lying on the ground, her bow in her hands, deprived of her vision by the spider-youkai poison. In the forest, gazing around her in wonderment at a casted light he just couldn't see himself. Beaten and battered, healing under his hands after the Naraku youkai. Reaching out to him after he'd slaughtered the seeker wolf. Crying out to him as she was dropped from the edge of the cliff.
And she was frantic, under the sun, desperate to touch him. Desperate to touch all of him in the very way he had been agonizing for.
...Inuyasha had said it once, before.
In a world far different from the one he was in now.
"I love you," he said, gripping her fingers and pulling her to a gentle stop.
She turned and looked down at their entwined hands, then up to him. Her eyes saying… nothing. She was hard to read.
No one was coming or going along the path. Dusk was settling in. They were alone, as they usually were, on their way back to the little village he had come to somewhat describe as home.
Now was the time to tell her.
"I love you," he repeated, gaining confidence with every word. "I want us to have a better life. I want you to come with me."
She smiled then, and he relaxed a bit more. Only a bit, though, because she was still hard to read.
"Come with you where?" she asked.
Nowhere. Anywhere. They could make any place a home. As long as she… as long as he had her.
"Does it matter?" is what he said, trying to understand her response. Still, he held onto her fingers, frozen to the spot.
"Inuyasha, I-"
"I love you," he repeated, his heart starting to race. He knew. Somehow he knew what she wasn't going to say, and he wanted her to say it. "I know what you are, I know what I am. But it's only a problem if we stay here. We can go wherever you want. Just come with me."
She pulled at her hand, and after a split moment of refusal, he let her fingers drop.
"We've had this conversation a hundred times now, Inuyasha," she said, her eyes still fixed on his. They were unchanged. Unyielding. "I cannot leave my life here. I cannot leave my duties. I have my sister to look after, and the villagers, and -"
"And him," Inuyasha said, and he could help the sneer that encased his accusation.
Her mouth turned down at the corners, her eyebrows drawing in just a bit. "Onimugo has nothing to do with my decision to stay."
He felt his jaw lock in place, felt his chest puff out. He wasn't going to just drop it. Kikyou was the only person to ever treat him kindly. He was going to convince her no matter how long it took. He was the one that had all the time in the world.
"I'll convince you to come with me," he said. "Once that sickly human passes on and your sister gets a little bit older, you'll change your mind."
Again, her eyes. Unreadable. Still. She gazed at him as if she could pierce his skin and see into his soul. For a moment, he thought she might give in and say it. Instead, she turned and continued down the path towards the village, at a pace fit for a human, until she was out of his sight.
Humans didn't love Inuyasha. He was too strange. Too abnormal and bizarre. And yet Kagome had said it. And she'd said it previously, even though he'd cut her off before her mouth could form the words, because he knew it was coming.
And that was the thing about Kagome's eyes. He could read them. He had read them so easily back in the cave, hooded with lust and yearning for something that he wouldn't let himself give her. Because how could he? After everything he'd done? After the monster he was?
And still, after seeing the monster, after fighting against it… She had run to him, under the sun, as if the possibility of being physically hurt by him hadn't even crossed her mind. As if he wasn't a monster. As if… as if…
She actually did love him.
She pulled back from the kiss, her eyes open and warm and unmistakable. For a moment he couldn't speak. He could tell she was holding her breath, waiting for him to say something. She was so damn easy to see through.
...Did she really think he'd spurn her now? After claiming her as his own?
Human, he reminded himself. Your mate is human. She doesn't understand. Keh. He'd make her understand, then.
He jumped towards her and she shrieked, taking her by surprise and rolling over and over on the grass. Her head cradled in his hands and his shoulders and hips took the brunt of each roll until they came to a stop. He took in the way her hair splayed around her, her flushed cheeks, her laughter light and breathless.
"What was that for?" she asked after catching her breath, eyes bright and brilliant.
He leaned down to nuzzle her nose, his lips lightly brushing against her own.
"I love you too," he said.
And he meant it.
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She was getting dressed and Inuyasha couldn't take his eyes off of her.
She didn't know he was watching her every move, counting each breath she took, his insides turning to goo at each satisfied sigh that passed through her lips. You're grinning like an idiot, he chided himself. But he couldn't lie; he liked the feeling of it.
...Her taste still lingered on his tongue.
His tongue, her sensitive skin, slick and wet as he lapped at her, each whimper and sigh causing him to swell beyond what he thought himself capable of. To taste her there, to be so close, to savor the very essence of who she was… Fuck. He was never going to get enough.
Inuyasha shook his head of the imagery, clearing his thoughts. He had shed his tattered, bloody tee-shirt and donned his fire rat coat again. Up until now his coat had been a shield, something he took comfort in. He knew it was a useful tool, and he was grateful to have it. But now it felt too constrictive. He wanted to soak up as much sun on his skin as he could. He couldn't help the worry that this might all be a dream, and he'd wake up tomorrow stuck in his stupid cage again. The thought made him glance back to his mate. She was a yard or so away, stepping into her layers of wolf clothing. She was facing the tree. The one that he had pushed her up against while he had pressed himself inside her, her legs wrapped around him and-
"Fucking cool it," he muttered under his breath. He was getting all worked up again, and he didn't want to scare Kagome, to have her think his need was too intense. This was all new for her, after all, and thankfully the urge to protect her had well since overtaken the urge to nestle inside her, to hear her beg for him as she slowly spread over him, snug and stretched around him, and - Fuck - she was so goddamn warm. Dripping. His name falling from her lips, jumbled and messy and-
Get a fucking grip! He pushed all thoughts of the tree - and the things he'd done to her on it - out of his head. He'd have to distract himself, because staring at her from a distance obviously wasn't helping his resolve. He snuck up behind her just as she had begun to wrap the cord around her clothing and leaned forward, his arms coming up under hers and covering her hands with his own.
"Let me," he said. His voice came out more gruff than he'd meant it to, but in his defense, he was trying to control every urge he had to rip her clothes off again. His ear twitched at her sigh, his chest inflating with satisfaction as she leaned back into him and allowed him to take over. Slowly, he tied the knot, enjoying the way her body felt against him, her hands lingering on his forearms.
Her fingers were tiny. She was small. Fragile. Human. Worry bubbled up inside him, a slight fear he couldn't control. It was ridiculous how fragile she was. Why hadn't he seen it until now? How could he have let his mate come on this crazy journey with him? He knew she was weak - wait, no, not weak, just fragile. There was a difference. Still, he knew, and he had let his greed for the jewel get the better of him.
Kagome tilted her chin back to look at him. "What's that face for?" she asked.
"Keh," he replied softly, turning her so she faced him. He leaned down and brushed his lips against her forehead. "Just reminding myself not to hold you too tight."
"You're never too rough with me," she said, rebuffing his concern. She smiled up at him, threading her fingers through his and leaning into him. "You've always been gentle."
"Of course I have," he said, watching as her gaze moved down, taking him in as he was taking her in. She paused, her brows drawing together.
"Oh…" she said, her hand coming up to his chest. "I forgot…"
He glanced down at her fingers as they entwined with a rudimentary string of beads and teeth. He hadn't even noticed them looped around his neck. He'd been so caught up in waking to the realization of Kagome no longer being by his side, of being out under the sun, of being so completely wrong about Kagome's ultimate decision…
"The hell did these come from?" he asked, frowning right along with her. He hadn't noticed them until right now.
"They're what pulled you out of your youkai state," she explained.
"Keh," he muttered, stepping away and pulling the necklace off.
...Except the damn thing wouldn't budge.
"Oi," he said, "what the fuck is with this thing?" He yanked at it. Gripped it in his fists and pulled with all the strength he could muster. Still, nothing. Fucking thing stayed put. It wasn't glued to him, it was loose and movable around his neck, but it stayed in place every time he tried to tear it off. "What did you do to them? It's like it's spelled or something." He saw the red flush creep up and over Kagome's cheeks, and his eyes narrowed in turn. "What aren't you telling me?"
She fidgeted under his gaze. "Nothing! I just… I was out of options, okay? I sent Shippou to Kaede for help… she used some of the shards to make it. It's definitely spelled, but it worked!"
He stood, mouth agape, watching as the color drained from her face.
"You don't think…" she started, and of course he thunk, because he couldn't believe... he actually couldn't believe she would do such a thing.
"You destroyed a shard for this stupid thing?" he said, just as she cried out: "It spelled you to make you love me?"
"I- what?" he snapped, more confused than ever. His ears flickered towards her as her heart started to race. She brought her hand up to her chest and took a step back, eyes widening.
"It makes sense, doesn't it? You were so sure that Kikyou was spelling us to have such intense feelings for each other, that it was a trap and not real. And then suddenly it is? Suddenly it's real for you?"
"O-oi," he said, moving towards her and reaching out. He dropped his hand when she stepped back again, watching her face twist in anguish. "Wait a second-"
"I just don't understand why Kaede would do such a thing," she continued, cutting him off as if she didn't want him to talk. "She must not have known, she must not have-"
"Hey, listen to me," he snapped, this time reaching out and capturing her wrist. Wide, worried eyes darted up to his own, and he could smell the start of her tears before they began to gather. "That's not what I was saying. Hey," he insisted.
Pulling her back to him didn't take any effort, and he wrapped her up in his arms and placed his cheek on top of her head. "That's not what I meant, okay? This stupid strand of ugly beads did not change the way I feel about you." He cupped her face and forced her to look at him again. "I will make you realize one hundred times over that what I feel for you is real. I'm not good with words, I've said shitty things to you up until now. Let my actions make up for them."
Her hands came up to cover his own, and she nodded, blinking back her tears. "I'm sorry," she said, "I just don't want to think that I found you and have you and that I could lose you so easily, I-"
"You won't lose me," he insisted.
He felt her hands in his hair, and she pushed herself against him. He let her pull his lips to meet hers, poured every ounce of gentleness and adoration he could into her. Inuyasha knew he was done for. It was obvious that Kagome didn't understand it yet, but she would one day. The only way his mate would ever lose him now is if he had to die to protect her. Which he would, in a heartbeat. She was stuck with him forever. And eventually, his actions would make up for every single time he had hurt her with his sharp tongue and isolating words. Eventually, she would understand that even if they were spelled, which was still a high probability, he loved her in spite of that, not because of it.
He didn't want to pull away. He wanted to stay where they stood, her perfect mouth taking from him for as long as time would allow them. But dusk would be on them soon, and they needed to get the shards away from the damn wolf and get the fuck out of his territory.
Slowly he pulled back, her lips still eager though less needy. He groaned at the way she gazed at him, all pouty and sleepy-eyed.
"Don't look at me like that," he said.
"Like what," she asked, too innocent to be sincere. Keh. He knew the wench better than that.
"Like you want to ravage me," he grunted before leaving her side to swipe up the pack she had dropped in the middle of the clearing. "Save it for later for when we're not in enemy territory."
"Mmhmm," she said, and he saw her shiver before shaking it off as if attempting to stay focused. "Shippou's still at the cave. And..." she trailed off, casting a quick glance his way, "your mirror."
He knew. He knew and he hated it. His jaw tightened at the thought of taking her back to the wolf den, but they still didn't know what had happened to break the daylight spell, and no way would he leave the mirror behind, just in case the spell reignited. "Let's go," he said, attempting to keep the worry from reflecting on his face, "you can tell me more about this stupid necklace on the way." He clasped her hand in his and began to lead the way, drawing them back into the thicket.
The slowly setting sun had turned an orangish hue, casting a deeper light through the tree branches. Inuyasha breathed in deeply every chance he could, trying to keep all thoughts of wolves and jewels and youkai from seeping in and ruining everything. His life had such few peaceful moments. He wanted to soak in this one as long as he could. Luckily, at their human pace, it would still be a good hour before they arrived.
"Are you worried," Kagome asked, breaking through the glass bubble he'd built around himself to hold the day inside, "about how they'll react when we return?"
"I'm not worried about how they'll react to me, but…" Damn. He knew this conversation was going to have to happen sooner rather than later. If there was one thing he knew about Kagome - other than that she was fucking gorgeous and brave and basically perfect and for some reason that he couldn't really figure out, loved him - it was that she hated being talked about as if she were something that could be possessed.
But they had crossed the line into years of biological and evolutionary youkai terrain. There were subtle movements and scents they'd have to consider now. Inuyasha mentally kicked himself for not explaining it all to her beforehand, because now she didn't have a choice in the matter as to how other youkai would react to her… but he'd been so caught up in the sun and her skin and the fact that she was his now that he hadn't thought.
Well, he hadn't thought with his brain.
"But…?" she urged him.
He pulled her to a stop, and she turned to him, eyes wide and curious. Eyes he could read emotions from as if she were a book.
"Alright, listen," he said, putting his hands on his hip and pressing into his heels against what he knew could easily turn to a fight if he wasn't careful. "We need to talk about something before we go back."
Her gaze narrowed. "Talk about what?"
"The wolf youkai are going to act… different towards you now."
"How do you mean?"
"First of all, you can't let them touch you." He clenched his jaw. Jesus, even the thought of another youkai, much less a fucking wolf, putting his hands on her spiked his possessiveness.
"Oh?"
"I'm serious. They probably won't try to, but if one of them does, I'll have to kill them. And if I do that, they'll try to kill me."
"What? Don't you think that's overreacting a bit?"
You're MINE, his youkai bristled, and Inuyasha drove it back. "No, it's not. There are subtle movements and scents when it comes to youkai mating customs and habits. This isn't… this isn't like being with a human, Kagome. This is more than that. Human males are weak and will back off females if they so much as glance at them wrong. Youkai are different. Especially full youkai."
She frowned, and he could practically see her thoughts churning. "I don't like it," she finally said, "being treated like an object."
Inuyasha couldn't help but smirk. He did know his mate. "I know, you've only said it a million times." He was ready for the glare she sent his way, and he ignored it, reaching out instead to push a swath of hair behind her ear. He held her gaze, his fingers at her chin. "I don't think of you as an object. I know who you are and what you are capable of," his jaw tightened, "but I will protect you, and it doesn't matter to me if you like that part of it or not."
He straightened out. Ha. He'd said it. "There. Now you know. You can't be mad at me."
"I can still be mad at you," she said, turning and walking ahead of him.
….Dammit. He followed her for a few paces, watching her form move ahead of him in that way she walked that did things to him. He didn't like the wolf garb she was wearing, though. He got a much better view in her human clothing. And even though she was cute when she was mad, he didn't want to spend this time fighting each other. Not now, when his life consisted of so few of these moments. With a huff, he easily outpaced her, turning about-face and walking backwards.
She hesitated, only a moment "What?"
He stopped walking, forcing her to do the same. "Hey," he said, reaching out for her hand. "I don't remember much after the fall, but there were moments where I became aware. I have a few memories of being chained up in the cave."
Kagome's eyes had widened as he spoke, and he could sense her spike in distress.
"I heard some of what you said." His words caused a flush to spread across her cheeks, and he made a mental note to ask about more of what she said to him while he wasn't aware. "Do you remember when you told me to come back to you?"
Sheepishly, she nodded.
"Yeah, well, I wasn't able to answer you over my youkai, but you found a way to make that happen for me. If you hadn't, I'd still be chained up, tortured. Monstrous."
Her frown deepened. "You're not a monster."
He didn't argue with her. It wasn't the time, and it wasn't the point he was trying to make. "It took us a while. We fought- I fought against every urge I had to let you accept me, but we got to this point, and I'm not going to lose you now. Not after everything we went through to get here." He paused, watching her face. Watching for any sign that she'd fight him on it.
"You trusted me before," he added.
"I still trust you," she replied with no hesitation.
"Then trust me when I say what I'm asking you to do is to keep you safe. The wolf youkai are not human. They don't think like humans and they don't act like humans. I'm your go-between. Let me protect you."
She stepped towards him, chin tilted up to hold his eyes. "But then who protects you?"
He couldn't help but chuckle, and he heard her heart pace quicken in turn. So she liked it when he smiled, eh? He wrapped his arms around her and brought her in close, inhaling her hair. She no longer smelled like the wolf youkai, their mating had seen to that. It would be another protection around her, one invisible to her human eyes.
Her fingers were at the beads around his neck again. Slowly, she twisted them around her fingers. He glanced down at them, frowning. She had lifted them slightly, but it was more than he'd been able to.
"How are you doing that?"
"Doing what?" she asked.
"Lifting them like that. They don't budge when I try to lift them up." He brushed her hands away to prove his point, and still the damn thing wouldn't move. "What the hell is the point of this thing? I'm hanyu again. It's got no use now.."
Kagome frowned. "It doesn't hurt, does it?"
He shook his head before a frustrated sigh escaped his lips. "How did it change me back, exactly?"
She shrugged. "I mean, it didn't do anything at first, but then it like, pulled you to the ground and you were just back to normal." She bit her lip. "I didn't get to see the exact moment you changed. It literally ripped the chains that were holding you out of the rock. There was dust everywhere."
"Did it pull me or body-slam me to the ground?"
She shook her head, brows furrowing. "Shippou had given me instructions, and I had to use a word."
"What word?"
"Sit."
It was a fuckton of weight slamming into the back of his neck, the necklace glowing that pale, purplish color he'd come to both yearn after and hate, and he let out the barest hint of a sharp yip! sound before it body-slammed - definitely body-slammed - his jaw into the ground.
"Motherfucker!" he cursed, the sharp taste of iron spreading across his tongue. "Kagome, what the fuck!"
"Ohmygod!" she let out in one big breath before rushing to his side. "Inuyasha, I'm so sorry! I didn't think… that was so dumb of me!"
The weight pressed down against his upper back, a force that his hanyou strength was no match for. The fuck was this thing Kaede had made for him?
"Seriously," Kagome continued, and he could tell she was trying not to laugh by the tilt in her voice, "I didn't think anything would happen, you're not full youkai right now, I didn't think it would work!"
"Shut up," he bit out as he finally - though slowly - felt some of the pressure start to ebb away, "and don't laugh!"
She made a sound as if he'd offended her. "I'm not laughing!" she insisted.
"You think I can't tell? You've got no more secrets from me, woman. Get used to it." He managed to get his palms under his shoulders and push himself onto his knees before he turned to look at Kagome, quirking his brow at how she bit her lip against the laugh that fought to break free.
"Okay," she relented, rolling her eyes and sitting back on her heels, "it's a little funny now that you're not chained up and fighting for your life. I am sorry though!"
"So sorry that you picked the most humiliating word you could muster up in that evil, little brain of yours?" The weight was even lighter now; Inuyasha straightened his back and slowly rolled out his neck. It would be sore for an hour or two.
Her jaw dropped open. "That wasn't- I didn't-"
"Sit? Are you fucking kidding me?"
"I was under a lot of pressure, okay? I don't know what I was thinking!" The smile had returned to her lips again.
Stupid, annoying, aggravating… stunning woman, he thought, simultaneously glad that she was smiling and holding back against saying something that might wipe it off her face. He wanted her to smile for the rest of his damn life.
"Just… get this stupid thing off me," he snapped, jerking his thumb towards the offending beads.
She nodded vigorously and reached out towards them. "It's so weird that you can't get them off yourself," she said as she picked them off his skin with ease, "they're so light, they barely weigh anything." She swept them over his bangs, and he opened his mouth to tell her that her strength was cheating if it came from a spell, but she was no longer in front of him. He was no longer in the forest. The stench of sulfur and wolf assaulted his nose, and he gagged, just as Shippou swept back the pelt hanging over the opening in the rock, and scampered inside the dark room, fruit packed under his arms.
Inuyasha's eyes widened.
He was back. Back in the cave, deep in the wolf den, trapped in his personal, torturous cage. Goddammit.
"Shippou!" he growled, because what the fuck else could he do? He was useless in here.
The kit squealed and threw his fruit into the air as he lept back, his little heart pumping wildly in his chest. "I-Inuyasha!" he cried, his hand coming up to calm himself, "how did you get in there?"
"Oi, you little shit," he bit out, knowing full well he was taking his frustration out on the fox. "If you tell the wolves about this, I'll fucking kill you and eat you myself."
There was nothing to do but wait for Kagome to return. He pushed back the thought of her facing off the wolves as a woman mated to a hanyou. It churned at his stomach. Still, trust went both ways. She'd managed to survive living among them the first time around. All she had to do was get to him and kiss him free.
He'd take care of the rest.
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See you all next time! ~SugarRos
