Nirvana

Summary: AU. "Well, fuck you too," he had said it out of spite, despite his eyes sneaking brief glances over her body. Well, maybe he had another thing in mind when he said it. Okikagu.

AU: Note that this will be an AU fic, which means that the setting is going to be different than the anime and manga. The story is set in modern Japan, and Okita and Kagura are just a couple of badass cops working for the same police force who hate each others' guts. It's my first time branching into Gintama, and my very first attempt at writing a hopefully not poor story of my favorite pair. Also, Okita is 25 and Kagura is 21, cause legal age matters.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama.

If there was one thing Okita Sougo knew about Kagura, it was that she was an annoying little brat and that he hated annoying little brats.

Not a day went by where the two wouldn't pull overboard pranks on each other- just the other day, he had managed to bleach her hair after having snuck into the safe threshold of her house. It was a good thing her brother, Kamui and father, Umibouzu hadn't noticed him- not that they would have been able to considering that he had adopted great stealth. Regardless, Kagura woke up to unruly white mane, her once vermillion locks now dyed into ugly spots of white that threatened to ruin the roots of her hair. Needless to say, the day didn't end very well and Okita found himself reduced to purple bruises and broken bones before he knew it. It was okay though; he made sure he did the same to her.

"Let me guess," Okita started with a sarcastic edge in his voice as he approached the girl who stood in front of the chief of police's office, "did you do something to piss off Kondo-san again?"

Her response was immediate. "Go to hell, asshole," she hissed at him through gritted teeth, already feeling like she was having a bad day.

"Gladly if you're not there," he snorted at her, and rolled his eyes as he laid his back languidly against the wall.

It was strange that Kondo wanted to see the both of them at the same time, but Okita couldn't really be bothered to care. That didn't mean them being summoned at once was connected in any way. Maybe only Kagura would be subjected to a harsh scolding- after all, Okita was more than certain he had been a good boy the entire week.

A creaking sound reverberated in the air, causing the two of them to lift their heads just in time to see Yamazaki step out of the room with a crestfallen look on his face. No doubt he got an earful for focusing too much on Tama-san than his work again.

"You can come in now," Kondo's voice echoed.

The two of them sauntered to make their way into his office at the same time, resulting into another heated fight as they bickered over who would get to enter first.

Okita grabbed a fistful of Kagura's hair in his right hand before shoving her out of the way, only to trip over his feet as the girl landed a brutal kick to the back of his knees, prompting him to fall face flat on the cold, hard surface of the laminated floor. Kagura burst into a fit of evil laughter, purposely kicking him while he was done before unabashedly taking a seat on the chair in front of Kondo, who seemed like he was on the verge of a splitting headache.

"Oh, my god. Can't you guys go a day without trying to slit each other's throats?" he groaned as he buried his face into his palms, fingers going to massage his temples as if to alleviate an upcoming migraine.

Okita stood up from his unseemly position on the floor, his nose noticeably depositing what seemed like blood as his forehead reddened from what Kondo could only assume as a byproduct of the impact from the earlier fall. Catching a piece of tissue from his tissue box, Kondo proceeded to hand it over to Okita who more or less snatched it out of his grasp, red orbs glaring vehemently at Kagura as he grumbled a string of curses under his breath.

"What did you want to talk about? I'm a busy gal, a pretty thing such as myself and all," Kagura gloated with a hand gestured towards herself, wisely choosing to ignore the man shooting daggers at her right.

Okita's snide remark was instantaneous. "Like anyone would want a little bitch like you," he scoffed.

The girl shot him a heated glare, her mouth parting to sound out a savage insult before it was quickly shut down by Kondo, who raised a hand towards her as if in indication to be quiet. She frowned, and seemed to have more to say, but obliged.

"I'm not here to listen to you guys having your usual lovers' quarrel," Kondo started as he pushed a picture towards them. "I want you two to catch this douchebag and arrest him-"

He was promptly cut short by Kagura who was more fixated on his first sentence than the actual job. "Why the hell would you couple me up with this scum?" she growled as she pointed a thumb at Okita, whose hand was dangerously close to the gun strapped to his hips.

"I couldn't agree more," the brown-haired male grunted. "I'd rather die than be associated with her. Do you want a stick up your ass for that comment, Kondo-san?"

"Will you guys stop being immature for once and listen to me?" Kondo expelled a deep sigh, cleverly deciding not to justify Okita's subtle threat with a response. "Anyway, this guy is responsible for transporting illegal drugs, so yeah, it's your job to hold him accountable for his crimes. He usually goes to this one club- not very decent though but it's my kind of thing, but anywho," He quickly collected himself before he managed to indulge in his own sick, perverted fantasies, "so I want you guys to go undercover as a couple and catch him in the act."

"Can't we go undercover as a master with a disobedient slave instead?" Okita sneered, his eyes glinting maliciously as his voice dripped with sadistic glee at the notion. "I'd very much like to hurt this little illegal immigrant girl and teach her a lesson, if I do say so myself."

"I'm not an illegal immigrant. How many goddamn times do I have to tell you?" Kagura basically snarled, hands curled up into position as if she was close to assuming a fighting stance.

Kondo stopped her before she could manage to get up from her seat and deliver a more than satisfying punch on Okita's ugly mug. "You guys should really start to get along," he declared with a hint of annoyance in his voice. "Your dumb arguments are getting on everybody's nerves. Even Gin and Hijikata aren't this eager to kill each other."

Both Okita and Kagura made to sound out countless protests but was swiftly silenced by their chief, who waved a hand dismissively at them as a sign for them to leave.


"Ugh, you're like the last person I wanted to go with to this sort of place," Kagura grumbled with deep displeasure, though Okita had to strain his ears to be able to catch her words, muffled in the loud booming of music in the club decorated with neon lights.

"Trust me, I want to get this over with as much as you do," Okita scoffed, shoving his hands into the safety of his pockets as he strolled into the club, just barely brushing off a blonde-haired woman who pulled a provocative attempt to seduce him. "Did you spot him?" he asked Kagura, despite his eyes already scanning the area for their target.

"He's over there," Kagura tried to yell out in the midst of the ear-damaging noise around them as she pointed a finger at the man who was surrounded by various kinds of women, mostly visibly clad in outfits that left little to the imagination. "See those dumb whores flocking around him? Yeah, got our guy." She sported a grin on her face, almost as if pleased with herself.

Okita quirked an eyebrow at her as she walked up to him and tucked her hand into the crease of his arm, fingers lightly grasping the cotton fabric of his white buttoned-up shirt. Although slightly caught off guard by the contact, he didn't bother to question it and merely presumed she was putting up an act in accordance to their superior's orders to disguise themselves as a couple. To be honest though, Okita thought there were better roles for them to take- like she could have been his slave and he could have been brutally hitting her with a whip and she wouldn't have been able to do anything but take it in fear of blowing their cover.

"Hey," Kagura's feminine voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and he spun his head around to see her brows furrowed into a deep frown, "you'd better not be thinking of something dirty or else I'll kick my foot so far deep into your ass you'll start wondering if you can shit normally tomorrow."

"As if I'd want to do anything to you," Okita snorted, his features matching hers as if her words had offended him deeply.

"So what's the plan?" Kagura threw the question out in the open, the inquiry a hushed whisper against his ear as they stalked their way towards their target.

Okita tried to ignore the ticklish sensation that followed the feeling of her hot breath fanning over the shell of his ear as he scooted his head further from her to gain some respectable distance between them- or at least as respectable as they could with them walking arm-to-arm with one another. It was almost laughable, really, if he could see the way they looked right now.

The brown-haired officer was never really the type to think things through. He was more like the kind of reckless brute who would rush in and shoot everyone that would get in his way- innocent people excluded of course; he wasn't that evil. He was usually partnered with the more composed Hijikata Toshiro, who did most of the thinking in their cases together, thus he hadn't expect to be the one coming up with a strategy, after having left all the brain-storming to other people for the longest time.

"I don't know," Okita uttered, somewhat exasperated that she would pass on the responsibility of something so bothersome towards him, "maybe put on a show or something? Kondo-san said that he likes watching people fool around, if you catch my drift." He wasn't exactly partial to the idea, but after having forced to think of something during the short moments, it was the only thing he could blurt out.

Kagura let out a startled cry of disgust. "You horny douche! I thought you said you weren't planning on doing anything."

"Shut up or he'll hear, doofus," Okita growled out in response, "and no, believe me when I tell you that I don't even want to think of doing something sexual to you, much less even want to do it for real."

"What does it have to do with catching him red-handed anyway?" she murmured, cooling her wrath down so as to avoid drawing unwanted attention.

"Who cares?" He gave out a light shrug of his shoulder in return. "When he's too absorbed with watching us, he won't notice us up to no good. We'll tie him up, drag him to a secluded place and torture him to make him fess up."

To people who were smart enough to know that it was an idiotic strategy, Okita sounded like a madman. In hindsight, there were surely other alternatives to go about capturing their target. But to Kagura- who more or less didn't do the thinking in any of her previous cases either- he made the plan sound like it was fool-proof.

Kagura didn't really feel like it but couldn't help but slouch her shoulders down in slight defeat. "I really don't want your grubby hands all over me though."

Okita threw her a weird look, as if she had just grown two heads. The mere prospect was ridiculous to him. "Relax, I don't want to feel you up either. We'll just kiss and make it look hot enough to make him want to jerk off."

The girl wasn't sure if she was up to it- after all, this was Okita Sougo, of all people- the man who she hated and who hated her back from the moment they met. Still, it wasn't as if she could think of any bright ideas to offer in favor of dropping this one either.

"What do you want?" their target had spat out the moment the two undercover officers had stopped right in front of him.

"Oh, nothing, really," Okita's voice was rich and smooth, almost as if he was used to this, "we really just wanted to show you a good time. We noticed before that you have a thing for watching people, and my sweet little girl here, you see, gets excited when she's being watched so it's like killing two birds with one stone, per se." He proceeded to snake an arm around the small of Kagura's back, hand set on her slim waist as he pulled her closer to him, ignoring the way Kagura seemed to flinch at the contact.

Okita almost wanted to puke, but briskly pushed the vomit threatening to climb up his throat to the farthest depths of his stomach. He was thankful that he had taken the time to mentally take a note of the couple prior to them who had an all out tongue war in front of the man, or else he wouldn't have known what to say. It was obviously a common occurrence in the club though, so Okita was more than certain that he had no reason to decline.

True enough, his suspicions were on the right track. "Oh, well, go ahead then. If your little missy gets off on that, then I'll gladly help. She's a pretty thing, so I don't mind." The man laughed, and Kagura felt the sudden urge to claw at his face, but squashed the impulse down in a swift motion as she felt Okita tighten his grip around her, fingers digging into the red Chinese dress she was wearing as if to implore her to keep her mouth shut. She inwardly snarled. Fucking Okita Sougo always spoiling her fun. She was beginning to conjure up the various ways she could make him suffer a slow and painful death.

Her violent musings came to an abrupt halt as she felt her body being whirled around, the actions causing the hem of her dress to swish before her blue irises met with a pair of red. She frowned as Okita gave her a look that mean: I know this is going to make you projectile vomit but bear with me, okay?

But she couldn't really do anything in response as Okita's lips slammed against hers.