Nirvana

Summary: AU. "Well, fuck you too," he had said it out of spite, despite his eyes sneaking brief glances over her body. Well, maybe he had another thing in mind when he said it. Okikagu.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama.

Chapter 8

Okita swerved his head to and fro in brisk, effortless motions as a couple of forks lunged at him the instant he stepped in the threshold of the police department, perforating cracks into the wall as they landed on either sides of his head instead when he gracefully avoided them.

He levelled a neutral gaze at Gintoki's irritation-contorted features, a hint of a sugary ice cold treat of a strawberry sundae lingering at one corner of his lips as the curly-haired man shot him a withering look. Okita had no doubt that Gintoki had managed to reduce even the most brazen of men into a cowering, fearful mess a good amount of times in his lifespan with the way he persistently threw heated stares at his direction and his deathly glares threatened to pulverise him into ashes. But Okita was the biggest sadist anyone had ever met and he was not one to tremble in trepidation simply because an overprotective non-related dad of his sex friend was giving him dirty looks.

"Well, that wasn't a very nice greeting, boss," he uttered instead in a playful jibe, craning his neck slightly to the side as he evaded yet another metal-materialed fork that Gintoki aimed at his head.

After everything that had happened with Kagura, Gintoki and Shinpachi had made it their sole mission to do whatever it would take to eliminate him. It didn't help that Umibouzu and Kamui also adopted the propensity to tackle him to the ground and regularly pulled some devious scheme to somehow decapitate him each time Okita had the misfortune of running into them. The sadist proved to be a rather slippery target though, and succeeded to slip past their murderous attempts on multiple accounts.

"Since when have you been screwing around with Kagura, huh?" Gintoki asked him in a high-pitched, obnoxious shout as he abruptly stood up from the couch, knocking his transparent bowl of mixed flavor ice cream down the table as he proceeded to go on his angry tirade. "Don't you know that you're too old for her? Do you want me to cut off your small dick or something?"

A hand slithered to the back of his neck as Okita proffered his nape a slight scratch. "She's twenty one at this point, boss. I'm only four years ahead of her. And I'm eight inches, might I add." His voice was as impartial as it habitually was as he conferred the deadpanned remark, despite the unabashed admission at the end of his interpose. "I don't think you should let your delusions that she's still underage get to your head too much."

That seemed to not only struck a nerve but induced a flustered reaction from the priorly antagonistic Gintoki as the older man continued to sputter at the sudden declaration of truth. "Well, that's true… but still!" He shook his head as if to rid his cheeks of the infuriating pink-hued flush of indicated shame before he then went on to point an accusing finger at Okita's direction. "I thought you guys hated each other!" he opted to verbalize the counterattack instead, acutely aware of the lame and weak excuse that passed his lips as his face continued to burn with the blood rushing to his head.

Okita's stoic guise was wavering ever so slightly as he expelled a heavy and mildly exasperated sigh. "How long are we going to keep this up? I really don't need to hear this from the guy who's been busy fucking with multiple girls all at once."

Gintoki stumbled over his words yet again as his embarrassment seemingly uplifted into newer heights, the humiliation further intensified with the added bonus of his patent shock as he let out the indignant but horrified yelp, "H-hey! How did you find out about that?"

"In any case, I have a job for you," Kondo's voice was awfully tight as he chimed in before their bickering could get any dumber and succeeded to prevent Gintoki's incessant screams from reaching higher notches.

He outstretched one hand and maneuvered his index and middle fingers to cautiously slide a brown folder towards Okita. The male officer in question cocked a single, well-sculpted eyebrow at him in an inquisitive manner before he trudged towards Kondo's desk and prompted to retrieve the file his chief handed to him. Claiming it in both hands and bringing it to his chin, Okita proceeded to pry it open and flip through the worn out pages inside, his crimson-colored irises scanning through the words written on the pieces of papers in swift, continuous movements before he made to voice out a question:

"You want me to go after a drug ring leader?"

"Yeah," Kondo reluctantly droned, voice harboring a tincture of moderate wariness as he paused for a fleeting moment to spare a short-lived, dubious glance at Gintoki's direction. A couple of seconds filled with awkward silence passed by between the only three men available in the closed space before the gorilla eventually averted his attention back to Okita. He slowly leaned forward from the back of his desk and hovered his right hand at the side of his head as he pronounced a hushed, secretive whisper, "You're going with the China girl, okay? It's another undercover mission for the two of you."

This time, his other eyebrow rose along with the previous one to disappear into his brown fringe as Okita tilted his head slightly to the side in a gesture of slight confusion. "And why is that?" he chose to inquire instead, wisely comprehending in an instant the silent pleading look his chief delivered his way as he conferred a brief, knowing glance at Gintoki.

The white-haired cop was currently muttering something about icecream gods of all things and at the moment seemed to be too preoccupied with his wiping on the floor to notice the taciturn conversation taking place by all accounts. Okita observed him for a few moments as he proceeded to clean up the mess he had caused on the carpeted floor when he had involuntarily sent his freezing, sweet desert flying down the coffee table in his earlier furious, child-like tantrum. The sadist caught the distinct sound of Gintoki grumbling incoherent curses directed at him before he then turned his gaze back to his gorilla-looking chief.

"Well, I think even you're not dumb enough to not understand why," Kondo murmured under his breath as he outwardly pointed a finger at Gintoki's direction, his gestures anything but prudent but fortunately, the officer in question didn't discern that he was the topic of their conversation as he was now immersed in a mourning fit for the loss of his icecream.

"I don't think curls over there is gonna like that, Kondo-san," he whispered back as he steadily positioned the folder back onto its original spot on Kondo's desk. He pushed it forward towards the gorilla's chest in a rather not-so-subtle declining answer to the task given to him.

Kondo propelled the document case back towards him once again, his voice still barely above an audible octave despite the urgency latent beneath as he insisted, "Come on, Sougo. You and China are practically dating anyway at this point so it's not really that hard, right? And you'd probably get to be all handsy with her and go downtown on her body if you want. You'd be killing two birds with one stone."

Okita's riposte came in a rapid moment after, sounding as imploring as his chief. His voice held a blunt edge as he kept his timbre at the notch of a whisper in his stubborn retort, "With all due respect, Kondo-san, I fuck her whenever and wherever I want even without going undercover, so no thank you. And we're not dating. Besides, I don't want an early death." Then, he continued to skirt the ring binder delicately towards Kondo once more.

After all, he didn't need an excuse to have sex with Kagura. By now, they were going at it everyday. While it was a rather tempting notion to play with fire and see how far he could go in teasing her during a mission, Okita nevertheless felt compelled to decline. He simply was diffident to accept the task due to his mounting stress and building exhaustion over the fact of the matter that Kondo had been proffering him an endless line of assignments for the past month. He was certain that most of the officers in the division other than him had their asses constantly on their seats and shamelessly lazed around whilst consuming a dangerous abundance of donuts the entire time he was busy reprimanding criminals. He hardly deemed it fair that he was doing all the work while the others were practically contributing nothing. Mainly Hijikata, if he had to weed someone out.

"Come on, it's not like you're not used to juggling with assassination attempts by now. It's probably already become a daily routine for you, Sougo," Kondo exhaled a slightly frustrated puff of air in the form of a heavy sigh as he once again pulled another attempt to convince Okita otherwise. "It's your fault to begin with, you know. This was Toshi's job at first, but now it's yours because you're directly to blame for giving him diarrhea as a result from food poisoning in the first place," he beseeched at the younger police officer, his timbre gruff and holding an adamant tint as he reminded Okita of the fact that he had previously discreetly slipped in a couple of laxatives in Hijikata's mayonnaise bottle again. It was his umpteenth try but Hijikata was still not yet dead and Okita was thoroughly displeased.

Regardless, he actually was partially - more like mostly truth be told, but Okita liked to think Hijikata had the right to die - accountable for his newfound mountain-load of criminals to arrest. Hijikata, being the control freak who favored to regularly be in charge that he was, inclined to take on half of the jobs available, but Okita, on the other hand, tended to suffer the brunt of it due to him being the source of Hijikata's recurring episodes of diarrhea. Not that he didn't deserve it, but still.

The sadist made a short-lived, sinister note to flicker Hijikata's house into flames, if only for the sole reason that he was the one coercing the trouble on him as he drily supplied his forced compliance, "Fine, but next time you give him one of mine instead. I can't keep covering for his ass all the time." And it wasn't as if he could actually go against Kondo's orders anyway, considering that his position in the force was a little bit lower than the gorilla chief.

"Well, it's your fault anyway that his ass is letting loose and staining the toilet bowl as we speak. You're pretty much responsible for covering his ass. God knows how many hours has he been in the men's bathroom," Kondo's voice was tart as he responded in kind. His fingers were already shifting to glide the brown-colored file containing important bits of information regarding their target near Okita once more.

Okita sounded a dismissive scoff from the back of his throat, but didn't refuse as Kondo shoved the folder back to his chest. He then took a short, fleeting pause as a sudden prospect flashed in his subconscious.

... On second thought, with China around, it probably wouldn't be so bad. The last time he went undercover with her went deliciously well at any rate.


A/N: Well, this is the shortest chapter I've ever written. I do apologize for the lackluster length of this update. I've been suffering from menstrual cramps and nausea for the past day and it's throwing me off my game. I'll make it up to you guys with a plethora of Okikagu interactions in the next chapter, I swear.

beautifly92- I'm glad you guys are perverts like me and likewise, are enjoying the smut XD.

AnonymousSiren- Lmao, everyone really seems to like my smut. Makes me want to come up with an Okikagu smut collection sometime if it gets this much support lol. Pretty much every Gintama character is shameless to a certain degree though, which is thoroughly hilarious by the way. I'm hoping to apply some of that Gintama-ish feel in my stories, though my humor might be lacking considering it's not exactly my area of expertise. I like to try and update as much as possible, but I apologize beforehand if this update wasn't good enough :(. But no worries, expect a lot of Okikagu in the near future!

Guest- You're welcome! It makes me happy that I made your day with this story. This fic isn't much but if it brings a smile to my readers' face then that's all I can ever ask for. Lmao, I'm also glad to know that I managed to turn a lot of people on with my smut writing skills hahaha. I've always had low self-esteem as an author, so it pleases me greatly and increases my confidence when readers shower me compliments, regardless of what it might be about. And I guess how good the smut came out was partially because I completely enjoyed writing it lmao. I'm honored that you think it's one of your favs though! I appreciate all the love and support.

lightbattery- Lololololol, please don't die on my watch and especially not because of this fic. I'd feel bad for the amount of bloss you'd lose XD. Lmao, true though. If this was happening in real life, I would definitely scream or punch him if I saw a guy running around in his birthday suit on the streets. Thank god for the Gintama universe being as illogical as it is though lol. But I'm glad that a lot of people are perverts like me, though I'd expect nothing less from the Gintama fandom :D. I'm happy that the smut is to your liking, and well, about the development of their relationship, expect a ton of that in later chapters! This story isn't even half-way completed XD. Though this chapter was probably a bit disappointing, I'll try to make future updates a lot better to compensate for it.