Replying to:
Trent-Friend: I feel you on the Genshin pulls! The last time I tried for Venti my C0 Sucrose shot up to C5 :') Also good luck with your projects! I get how hard it is to keep yourself from making a project bigger than it needs to be
Learning advanced magic was harder than Noah had ever imagined. The spells and abilities he knew so far were child's play compared to the spells Clamor was introducing to him now.
No matter how hard he tried, how much effort he put into his studies, he was utterly incapable of grasping even the simplest of spells.
Noah was ashamed of himself. He'd promised Clamor and himself that he'd try his very best at mastering the new spells, yet he's failed horribly at fulfilling that promise in the first month.
He didn't have time to waste either. He still wasn't sure how much time he had left before that cursed Order member would come to visit, and he wasn't sure if running through the Gate of Time again would be a viable strategy after this.
That's how he found himself curled up beneath one of Clamor's many bookcases, using only the moonlight from the window across from him to illuminate his textbooks and horoscope cards. Clamor had advised him to call it a day, but Noah refused to give up.
He'd been struggling to find cards that would resonate with him, a task that should've been easy for a user of Celestial Magic, since his very first magic lesson. Noah wouldn't be surprised if he was the only Celestial Mage to ever fail this part of the lesson so poorly.
If it were Harque he would've resonated with the cards within the first week. Harque would've made Clamor proud with every new spell and lesson.
But Noah wasn't like Harque. He stumbled and struggled with the simplest of spells—he wasn't even sure if he was capable of more advanced techniques.
Even his own parents recognized his natural ability to fail and distanced themselves from him. He wondered when Clamor would start doing the same thing.
"I thought I told you to call it a day."
Noah jumped at Clamor's sudden appearance; he could be dead silent when he wanted to be unnoticed. It was something Noah noticed right away during his first few days of living with him.
"S-Sorry! I-I couldn't stop thinking about it and it felt wrong to just give up so early. I wasn't going to pull an all-nighter I—"
"Relax. I'm not mad at you for wanting to study some more, gods know my older students could benefit from that." He pushed aside some loose scrolls and slid down beside Noah. "Well don't mind me, go on."
Noah felt the blood rush to his face and returned his attention to the 12 cards laid in front of him. Once again he tried to call upon the cards' power, but nothing. Not even a spark of life.
'You're nothing like your brother.' The phantom voice of his old mentor whispered.
Noah grit his teeth and poured even more magic into his next attempt. Still, the cards remained lifeless on the ground.
'Your birth was a disappointment. You should be grateful to still hold the Ebalon name.' His grandfather's voice taunted him next.
Noah glared at the cards and tried again. He swore he saw the Scorpio card jolt for a split second, but much like the other cards, it remained unresponsive.
'You're not worth my time! Someone like you can never harness our family's power!' His aunt's voice joined in.
Noah tried again, this time pushing as much magic as he could until he saw stars dot his vision.
"Stop." The hand on his shoulder jolted him back to reality.
He cursed and cradled his head in his hand. Noah was grateful he was already sitting on the ground or he would've collapsed by now.
"You're going to seriously hurt yourself. Take it easy, for real this time." Clamor advised him calmly.
It took a minute for Noah's head to stop spinning. Clamor stayed by his side during the whole ordeal, not speaking a single word. He wasn't sure if that was a good or bad sign.
"The stars are beautiful tonight."
"H-Huh?" Noah looked over at Clamor in shock. He was expecting a gentle scolding at the very least, not some random comment about the night sky.
"It's been a long day, kid. Take some time to sit back and admire the scenery."
"…" Noah wasn't sure if this was some joke or if Clamor had truly given up on him.
"Tell me. What constellations do you see?" Clamor continued as if nothing ever happened.
Noah played along, not really knowing what he was trying to get at. He pointed to the constellations that were visible from the windows within sight. Some were the very constellations that were on his unresponsive stars.
"Good. Now tell me about their backstories."
"A-all of them?"
"Of course."
"I…I-I don't really know them that well." He blushed.
He may or may not have ignored some recommended books Clamor had given him. They weren't even magic-related, instead, they focused on the myths and legends behind the constellations.
"Then how do you expect to resonate with the cards when you don't even know who they are?" Clamor waved his hand over the deck, four cards responded to his call in a swirl of twinkling light.
Scorpio, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Aquarius.
"It takes more than sheer power to resonate with the zodiac cards. If you want to tap into their power you need to take the time to know their story. Not every mage does this but I always advise my students to treat magic with respect."
"I-I guess that makes sense, but isn't this a basic task for Celestial Mages?"
"It is, but basic doesn't mean it's easy." With another wave of a hand the four cards settled back down on the floor. "Some mages are more proficient at resonating with the cards while others just need a little more effort. Just like you and me."
"You used to struggle with this too?" Noah could hardly picture Clamor of all people struggling with magic. After studying him at work it all seemed so easy for him.
"If almost setting my old man's house on fire counts as struggling then yes. I struggled quite a bit." He chuckled.
"Y-you can accidentally start a fire from doing this?!" He looked over at the scrolls and books surrounding him in sheer panic.
He wondered if past Clamor could actually kill him if he set his precious library on fire.
"Don't worry, I cast all the necessary wards to protect us from any unfortunate accidents." Clamor ruffled his hair. "I can't do anything about keeping you from setting on fire, though, so stay diligent."
Noah shouldn't have laughed at the image of himself accidentally catching on fire from playing around with a few cards. It just seemed like such a Noah thing to do.
"Hey, it's not funny! Do you know how hard it'll be to clean up your body afterward?" Clamor played along.
"Don't worry, I'll try to combust in the bathroom, it'll be easier to hide the evidence."
They both shared a good laugh at that. Noah couldn't remember the last time he laughed so much.
Clamor's dark sense of humour was also something Noah noticed very quickly. It wasn't anything too intense, but he didn't expect his kind-hearted mentor to laugh at more darker subjects. It was a pleasant surprise to say the least.
His dad jokes on the other hand…Noah could do without.
"You really should laugh some more. You're too young to be jaded this early in life." Clamor said after they both calmed down.
"I can't help it. Things haven't been good for me." Noah answered, idly playing with the edge of the Aquarius card.
"Leave the negative thinking to me. You humans don't last very long, it'd be a waste to spend that short amount of time brooding."
Noah frowned at the pure irony of Clamor's own words.
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Noah. You're a smart kid, you just need to work a little harder than some other people and that's okay. I believe you'll grow up to be a fine magician."
If it were his old mentors, they would've told Noah to give up by now—that he was simply untraceable. They might've even questioned his legitimacy of being the youngest son of the Ebalon family or maybe they'd accuse him of being an illegitimate child.
He wondered what his old mentors would say if they saw him now. Would they be disgusted with him for relying more on his new powers, or would they scoff at Clamor for investing so much time in him? Or perhaps they'd dismiss Clamor as a teacher all together because of his elven heritage.
"You're a really good teacher." Noah blurted. He regretted it almost instantly when he realized how cheesy it sounded.
"Oh? Where's this sentimental mush coming from?"
"S-sorry, I was just thinking about my old mentors."
"Hmm. What were they like?"
"They were old." Clamor snickered almost instantly at Noah's comment. "I think they were all kind of disappointed in me, I could never cast spells like Harque did. Harque was always the prodigy of the family and I was uh… there."
"Your brother seemed talented."
"I don't think 'talented' is enough to describe him. You should've seen him, Clamor, he could master any spell you gave him. Even when he was practicing with magic incompatible with him he still managed to pull it off! And I'm…I'm nothing like him."
'I'm just a failure.'
"And you shouldn't try to be him."
He didn't know how to respond to that.
How could he not be like Harque when he was so good at everything? Wouldn't it benefit him to mirror what his brother did successfully? Even his relatives and old mentors expected him to follow Harque's footsteps because of it.
"I've noticed a pattern with your magic usage these last few weeks." Clamor continued. "You cast every spell like someone's got you at knifepoint. At first I thought it was because you were nervous about trying out new spells, but now I'm starting to understand a bit better. You're too focused on mimicking your brother's success and it's hindering your performance."
"Well, maybe it's because I'm not strong enough to follow in his footsteps. If I was just a bit stronger I could pull it off easily!"
"Perhaps, or maybe you're forcing yourself to grow at someone else's pace."
"Isn't that a good thing?" Noah challenged. "I mean, if Harque was successful then it's only natural I would be too if I follow exactly how he did things!"
"That's like wearing shoes that are too big for you and expecting your body to grow enough to fit them perfectly."
"I—" Noah couldn't think of a good counterpoint.
"I don't doubt your brother was skilled, but you're never going to be like him. That's a fact you need to get comfortable with."
"But I'm not as strong—"
"I don't care. You're your own person, you should focus on your abilities alone."
"I think you're overestimating me,"Noah murmured.
He appreciated what Clamor was trying to tell him, but relying on his own strength was not an option. Noah had always been the weakest link in his family, even now he was pathetically weak compared to his brother when he was his age.
"And I think your old mentors really messed with your self-confidence." Clamor countered gently.
"But they had a point…they were the ones who had to teach me…"
"Just because they were your superiors doesn't mean they're correct, Noah. I would know." The somber tone in Clamor's voice caught Noah off guard.
He looked up at him curiously. Clamor had his eyes locked onto the window across from them, "do you know why there are so few half-elves active in the academic space?"
"Umm…because people don't let them in?" He guessed.
"Close, it's because they're viewed as subpar." Clamor glared at nothing in particular. "Elves are known for their athletic abilities and magic, humans compensated for their lack of power through intelligence and hard work. Half-elves are neither elf nor human. They're born with magic and enhanced physical abilities but they can never reach the levels of a full elf, they're just as smart as humans but their intellect is seen as dumb luck. To many, we're better off not being born."
"I never knew that…" Noah wondered if that explained why in his time there were virtually no half-elves present. People just disregarded them.
"Your mentors sound like my old professors, always reminding me that I'll always be lesser than a full elf and never as smart as a human. To their credit, they did bring up some rather accurate points, even if their delivery was less to be desired."
"But you're not subpar—none of the half-elves are!" Noah jumped to his defense.
"I agree, but tell that to the young half-bloods that get told otherwise every day, kid. Wouldn't you agree that they'd feel rather useless compared to their peers?"
Clamor looked over at him knowingly, sending shivers down his spine.
He did understand—not only him but Clamor and many others understood. Maybe not to the same extent, he'd never know what it was like to be a half-elf, but he knew what it was like to be told he was useless, a mistake—a burden that never should've been born.
'I'm not alone.' The realization hit him like a ton of bricks.
"Noah, if I'd listened to what they had to say about me we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. I'd end up becoming what everyone accused me of...a useless, weak little half-elf."
'But you're not. You never have been…' Noah wanted to say, but he was too embarrassed to put it into words.
"I was the lucky few who understood my worth and abilities, and I worked my ass off to get to where I am. While I can never reach the same potential as a full elf nor have the same respect as a human, I know my worth in this world. No one can tell me otherwise."
'We have almost the same story.' Noah could barely believe it. For once it didn't feel like he was the weakest being to ever walk Elrois.
"For a more poetic explanation just look at the stars." Clamor gestured to the windows. "They all shine in different capacities, but they're all just as brilliant and beautiful. The elves place equal significance even on the dimmest of stars, so why can't you?"
There was still a part of him that told him otherwise, the phantom voices from the people of his past adamantly disagreed with what Clamor had to say about him, but Noah wanted to trust Clamor. He knew more than anyone what Noah went through, and he came out of it as a brilliant scholar.
Maybe, just maybe, he could learn to trust in his own abilities as well.
"I'll try…" he looked back down at the 12 zodiac cards. "It'll take me some time but I'll try."
"That's the spirit, kid! You might not fully believe in yourself yet, but I believe in you." Clamor ruffled his hair affectionately. "Now, enough of this depressing talk. Let's go grab a snack."
"Grab a snack?"
"Of course! You expect me to end this sentimental night without grabbing a treat?" Clamor jumped to his feet. "Come on, I know a shortcut to the kitchens."
"Wait, I'm going too? What happened to staying inconspicuous?"
"As long as you stick to my side we'll be fine. Come on, kid, you must be bored of this room by now. Let's go."
That's how he spent the rest of that night enjoying a variety of sweets with Clamor, talking about nothing in particular. Of course, the both of them regretted the decision once morning came along, but Noah wouldn't have it any other way.
At that moment he just felt like a regular kid spending time with his best friend. He wasn't Noah, the disappointment of the Ebalon family nor was he Noah, the mistake that shouldn't have been born.
He was just Noah.
Within a week's time, under the veil of night and armed with careful research of the zodiacs, he tried to call upon the 12 cards once more. This time around, 3 cards responded to his magic. The Gemini card twitched a bit from his summon but remained on the ground with the rest of the pile
He didn't believe it at first, but when the 3 cards continued to hover in front of him he found himself smiling like an absolute maniac.
He could barely contain his excitement, practically jumping on Clamor's sleeping form to share the good news.
"I did it, Clamor! I-I really did it!" He exclaimed, showing his precious zodiac cards hovering above his open hand.
Clamor stared blankly at him for a moment before the sleep in his eyes vanished upon realizing what he was seeing," I knew you could do it!"
Clamor tackled him down on his back with a bear hug, Noah burst out laughing, dropping the four cards all over the two of them.
It reminded him so much of the playfights he used to have with Harque. For a second he could almost pretend he was a little kid again, playing through the night with his big brother.
"This calls for a celebration." Clamor let him go and crawled out of the bedroll. "What do you want, cake or pizza—or both?"
"We're seriously celebrating something so small?" He gawked.
"Of course! You went from doubting your magic abilities to being able to summon 3 zodiac cards, this is a huge step in your magical and personal journey." Clamor ruffled his hair. "I'm proud of you, Noah."
If Noah felt proud before, he now felt like he was on top of the world.
"In that case, how does a pizza-cake party sound, Clamor?"
